Channel: Bela Khan
If you are stressed and worried all the time, you will begin to lose functionality soon. Gain control over yourself and your emotions by reaching out to the right person, right method and the right medication.
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
final session for today deals with a very important problem of our present times stress Subhanallah I'm so stressed. This is a dialogue that we hear every day. But when are we really stressed and require medical intervention? And when is it just another bad day. Our speaker for this session is sister Bella Han. Sister Willa Han is a certified life coach, speaker and author. She has many certifications in the field of leadership, success and human behavior from leading Institutes of the world. Additionally, she has completed her British Diploma in Islamic studies from the Islamic online university,
teaching the concepts of psychology and human behavior in the light of divine principles of Islam, his sister, Bella speciality, she conducts personal development workshops to help people take their lives to the next level and become better versions of themselves. Sister Bella Han please go ahead and deliver cotton candy Christian, violet, masala Mottola, burka to your sister we can hear you perfectly clear hamdulillah How's everybody doing?
Can I reach the are you still charged up or just my last thought and everybody is losing energy please type something in the chat box again I can see inshallah Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu escaped charge up to this handler
as a conference going so far. Thank you to the soccer and joins How's everybody doing? Perfect handle again, Shannon, when can we get interactive? And I'm just inshallah this my presentation thesis is going to be it's going to be wanting you to participate very actively. I would really like you to have a pen and paper with you if you're not there if you haven't got it already. And inshallah
Yeah, I'm just shooting the goalkeeper while bunker, and then inshallah we can do our exercises as we go along. inshallah. So let's begin Bismillahirrahmanirrahim my topic is stress and anxiety. My my topic is stress and anxiety. Am I audible?
So, let's start with anxiety. And I'll read the definition for you, and then I'll explain, okay, so, anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, various thoughts and physical changes, like increased blood pressure. People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns, and they may voices certain situations out of fear. So that's, that's what anxiety is. So normal versus pathological anxiety. Normal anxiety is adaptive. Adaptive means it's a good rate. It is an inborn response to threat or absence of people or objects, they signify
safety and it can result in cognitive and traumatic symptoms, at the logic, anxiety, the anxiety that is excessive and impair it impairs function. So in laymen terminology, and just need to explain the slides.
So for example, normal and adaptive level of anxiety is something that can keep you going into something that you want as a human being raised, for example, if that's an exam tomorrow, and you're not feeling anxious, So ultimately, you will not prepare for it. Right? But if there is exam tomorrow, or if you're going to give a public talk or something, and you're feeling anxious, there is an adaptive level of anxiety that is actually good for you. You need to feel that right. But that's logical anxiety when anxiety becomes severe, and it starts to interfere with your work and personal
personal life in general. So that can cause serious problems, especially if you ignore it and if you leave it untreated. So for example, what are the symptoms of anxiety? muscles are tense are there a feelings of nervousness being keyed up, you feel anxious, you feel nervous or you feel irritable, being physically agitated, or worrying all the time to a point that it interferes with the attention and concentration, not sleeping well, and having big having the
And headache or dizziness. Okay,
this, remember all these symptoms are treatable. So with this being said, I'll quickly have a look at the types of this disorder nationally it's it's a very, very vast subject and all covering everything is beyond the scope of this presentation, we'll just cover a few. And then we'll jump on to the treatment for part which is more relevant and more practical and shallow, but you need to know what are certain types of generalized anxiety disorder. So phrases that we call generalized anxiety disorder. generalized anxiety disorder is basically characterized by nonspecific and excessive worries about almost anything all the time, so Hanalei, you're worrying about your job,
you're worrying about the behavior of children, you're worried about your Salah, you're worried about your you know, if your finances so we're worrying about almost everything, you know, there are kind of people we meet in our daily life, and you see that she's always worried. What's the problem? So people with generalized anxiety disorder, they experience chronic and uncontrollable worry, and feel constantly on the edge, and it can lead to city difficulty in concentrating and insomnia, among other problems. So just think about it. If a person is constantly worrying, and they are worrying about the law, they're worrying about your kids and everything. Would they be able to concentrate on
anything? Would they be concentrating on their Salah? Would they be concentrating on if they weren't there? What would they be even concentrating on, you know, cleaning up your house or anything. So this is
this is what we call generalized anxiety disorder. Then we have OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, which is associated with repetitive, uncontrollable and irrational thoughts that usually involves themes of time, danger or contamination. The anxiety that accompanies these obsessions is relieved only when certain behaviors are performed. These behaviors are called compulsion, because the anxiety sufferer is compelled to do them to find some relief. However, the compulsion themselves consumes so much time and energy, that they may impair a person's ability to function in social and occupational situations. So in agreement terminology, so as to make it understandable what happens
you feel, for example,
especially if you're a microbiologist to to what you feel that your hands are dirty, like a very typical example of OCD is that your hands are dirty. So what do you do, you feel obsessed with the fact that your hands are dirty, and this actually compels you to go wash your hands? Once you wash your hand, you feel a bit relieved. And then after a while, you start feeling that Oh, my hands are dirty again. So what do you do you go wash your hands again? Right. And this takes so much energy that's 100 that I've seen such severe cases of OCD that have you know, not only the person who is doing that, but the entire family is affected because of this person's OCD. And I saw there was a
sister who had OCD that making Voodoo, right she would make Voodoo and then she would come back in emotion. Oh my god, I thought I missed this part. And this that for me. So that's what religion is so easy, and this isn't false. Once you have done the Voodoo class you have done it. You don't think about it because she doesn't usually come compels you to think about it and boom, it will do again so that all the time you're concentrating Imagine you're praying you're concentrating on the fact that when you you have done you will do or not. Right. So what happens when you're focusing on the fact that you will do is perfect or not what happens is that you are not actually focusing on
yourself. So this is OCD for you. panic, panic is an unexpected burst of excessive anxiety, usually interpreted as a signal that something is terribly wrong. So you know, you see that oh my god. Exams result is coming and you start to panic. Oh my god, what's gonna happen? Am I gonna pass or not? Oh, my God. I you know, sometimes you're like, Oh my god, I'm having a heart attack. I'm having a heart. I'm dying. So this is what actually benefits to panic can lead to Evora phobia. agoraphobia is basically a fear of public places where Escape is difficult and help is part of your pain. If it is left untreated, for you what happens more and more pieces are wasted in a person becomes housebound.
So PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder, we have an entire presentation for you on a PC PTSD. What happens is that you suffer trauma and after that you start to feel stressed after that you start to feel anxious, right? So PTSD can affect individuals who have survived a severe physical or mental trauma like childhood abuse, assault, property accident, or if they have witnessed either they have experienced it themselves, or they have witnessed such an event. What are the symptoms or symptoms that are included are emotional numbness, intense flashbacks. You cannot just let go off and it keeps coming back. It keeps coming back nightmares.
Sleeping in the middle of night you wake up and oh my god, I just saw that that dream again, and avoidance situations or activities that are reminder of that even. So that's PTSD. social phobia. social phobia is an exaggerated fear of social situation in which one's behavior can be scrutinized and evaluated by others. So you have social phobia yo yoing in a in a meeting, maybe and you're just you're having this.
Having this feeling that okay, everybody's going to judge me. Everybody's going to judge the way I eat or the way I write or the way I speak. So eating, writing, speaking or any occasion where a person can be observed by others it can provoke is intense anxiety. social phobia is sometimes confused, confused with China's, but it is far more severe and leads to isolation and severely impaired social relationship. Specific phobia, ranging from mild to severe, and in combat and confessing any number of possible fear, phobias, or a heightened irrational fear of a specific object or situation that poses no real threat. Common phobias include fear of influence places cost
of claustrophobia, fear of heights, acrophobia, and fear of flying avian phobia. phobias don't usually interfere with personal work in life, unless the fear situation is something sometimes encountered or that cannot be avoided. So something which is normal for you, it might not be normal for the person who is having specific phobia. So for example, flying is very normal for you, you just boarded a plane and aeroplane takes awesome colors, you are
watching all those skies and everything, and the sunrise and the sunset and another person she's like, constantly these settings, which is good, your settings, buffer is good, but they are not comfortable in that situation. Normally, those people are fine, you wouldn't identify if they're suffering this or not. But if you if they encounter such a situation, or if they are with you in an elevator, they will get to know that okay, this person is suffering with this phobia. Right? Okay. So far, so good. I just want to have a look at you guys.
And nothing major except for blind sighs I guess. blurry slides. Okay. treatment.
So how can you treat this medication, counseling and self care? Just understand that psychologists for most part of the world, I think in some part of the world, maybe in us, they are allowed to prescribe medication. But generally, for most part of the world, medication is something which only psychiatric meds can prescribe. Right? So if you come to me that your anxiety disorder, and not to tell you to take this medicine or that medicine, right, your healthcare provider, your psychiatrist may recommend you some medication. So I'll skip this part. And I'll move on to what I can do is counseling. So counseling, does it help? Of course it does. Right. So anxiety disorder? I'm Dr. How
should I put it, just understand that anxiety disorders are the most treatable of all mental disorders? Right? So that's a good news for you. So what type of therapy do we generally use? When we are treating anxiety disorders, we use CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy therapy. So what do we do in that in this actually, this therapy can treat mild to severe disorder. And we use relaxation techniques in that we use gradual exposure to the situation. So.
So for example, if you give an example, if you're fearful of cats say, right, so we'll lock you in a room which has cats. So what happens initially, a person will panic, Oh, my God.
What do I need to do? No. So
So after a while, they will see that the God is looking at me, and I'm looking at again, and God is not doing anything. So this panic, and this, you know, fear would subside gradually. And they would say, Okay, I'm here, the guide is here to when both of us are fine. So that's how maybe, you know, a gradual exposure to the situation that can trigger anxiety,
then it will be decent problem solving skills to deal with the stresses. And then we teach them skills to challenge the anxiety provoking cards. That's how counseling helps and more, of course, that's again, a very long topic. And now I come to the part, which is my favorite because that's something that you can do by yourself to take care of yourself, right. Remember, last panelist, Professor Allison said that your body has right over you. And this part is my favorite because it is actually equipping you to help yourself, right? It's very important to go
To the counselor, when the level are, the intensity level are, you know rising and it is getting out of your control. But if it is within the controllable limits, that's but it is there, and then these are a few things that inshallah you can do. And this will help you in all the situation, right? And this this is
this is a technique that I would like to do with you. So insha Allah, you can see the slide. Okay, this is, this is this is a breathing exercise that I would like to do with you in Java, read low and slow. Okay, that's all of us are going to do together. So you can at least write something in the chat box that you're ready, so that I can do this exercise with you. And inshallah I can see your response as well. Ready?
Is the chat enable, okay, good. Yes.
Good. So we are doing it together, we are learning this technique right here right now. And inshallah you're going to see that stress, anxiety, whatever it is, it is going to help you a great deal. Remember that when you are breathing shallow, and when you're feeling dizzy, it increases the level of anxiety, it makes it worse. So it relaxed breathing, it helps you a lot in dealing with anxiety. So this one technique that I'm going to do with you right now, to slow your breathing, this technique is actually very, very effective. But it is so simple that people doubt if it really works. So when I teach it to people, people are like, you know, tell us something else? Well, yes,
you need to learn something else as well. But start from this simple, research based, effective, proven strategy to lower the level of anxiety. The good part is that wherever you are, you can try this, right and always, always, always remember that whenever you feel anxious, whenever you feel that anxiety is kicking in, do not doubt its effectiveness, you will see the results inshallah. So this means said, here's what I want you to do.
Sit in a very comfortable chair. Again, I'm already sitting in a comfortable chair. So if you work most of the time, what's sitting, okay, I'm just going to
sit in a comfortable chair with hands resting on your abdomen.
So inhale and I'm going to do the same that you Okay, inhale.
Breathe so slowly through the nose until you can feel your abdomen expense. And your hands have brushed kind of outwards ventilation.
Good, you're doing good, excellent, excellent, Mashallah.
And once you have inherited, just slowly
allow the ear or just
allow the breath to gently skate through your mouth. Okay, so if I do it again,
just keep the jaws relaxed, and the lips are slightly parted. Right? So this actually let them beat skip. That should one more time, okay, inhale, when the dominant the dominant in the air, like inshallah, let's start.
So keep repeating the step until you feel relaxed. But do remember to read low and slow, right, I have kind of done it a bit faster, but inshallah you can do it very slow.
And that's it, that's very simple. Sometimes, you know, you will also studying some of the stress is these relaxation or deep breathing techniques that you can hold the breath for a few seconds. And that's also good. And if any of you read that allow the breath to come out in five seconds, right? rather than allowing it to come out like this.
Allow it to come out in bash, like,
that's also fine, right? It has different versions and all are good.
So remember, you can practice the slow and slow breathing before entering situations which are you know, kind of stressful or you think that they can trigger anxiety, for example, you're going out for a public talk. So remember to do this, do this, okay? And you have if you're, you know, traffic if you're really anxious when you are stuck in traffic, so you can do this before traffic hours or you know, if you're winging a meeting, whatever it is, you should definitely be going to help you feel less stressful. Just quickly tell me how you're feeling now.
Even if you're feeling point 05 point 00 to 5% better than whatever you're feeling moments ago. It's it's good to start small and build upon it.
give me up Give me something write down something better no better. Okay
all right let's move on in sha Allah
This works every time this techniques work trust me even before starting this talk and unfortunately most of my talks I also do this deep breathing exercise and so much when you're working with vanilla and when you are a mother of kids you know so many things keep popping up. So, this really helps you It also when to realize it allows you do access the problem solving part of your brain and then you can think better you can decide better. So this is this technique is very very
beneficial. Okay, keep track of anxiety triggers. So, um
okay, so so you have to know what triggers your anxiety. So if you know about
about your triggers, what you can do is that you can make some plans to change your to change or to avoid those triggers right? For example, if there's a person or situation that triggers anxiety, you can ask yourself what can I possibly do to lower down deliver anxiety so maybe if you have a meeting that triggers anxiety so you can tell yourself okay, I can drive the breathing or if a person triggers anxiety so you can decide okay, if I am must I need them or you know, I can avoid it. So knowing your triggers is also very important stick to a regular sleep should use stick to remember again, this is scientifically proven that establishing a routine, the proper sleep and makeup should
use it helps a great deal in lowering anxiety.
young mothers out there Listen to me God like Ha ha ha.
So when I understand, okay, let's Okay, I'm also struggling with regaining my routine with my 11 month old. So it's essential It's okay, it's better tried that and dying then you know, giving up. So for the rest of you, who have somewhat control over their lives, inshallah, I am just going to recommend a few techniques that can help you take care of your anxiety by establishing a good sleep routine. So before sleeping or before going to bed do something very relaxing. Like if you if you like reading then you can read a book or taking a bath or you know anything that relaxes you or please please please make sure that you not use your bed specially your bed for non sleeping non
sleep activities like you know you're eating in the bed you're watching TV in the bed and one lucky if you have TV in your bedroom, my dear brothers and sisters have mercy on yourself he screwed up it is such a big trigger for anxiety inshallah,
if Allah permits one day we can have a talk on that also how TV is
are all you know stuff that is not that nice that have similar
categories are a good cause of our mental troubles. So if you exercise before sleeping, then it is generally it is not recommended that you do strenuous exercise before sleeping right? Or do not take caffeine or have you assume that you all are good Muslims. So we do not take alcohol or tobacco few hours before bedtime and follow the beautiful scenarios he removed. The last two out of pocket if you have kids, then you can do storytime with them. So anything relaxing so you just have to do it before sleeping and do it consistently. Remember last month Allah He likes a deep no matter we lifted small if it's done on constant basis last month, Allah likes that deep.
take short breaks. So if you're working, if your mother if you're working in office, or whoever you are, whatever your capacity is,
taking short breaks are very, very important. Right? So if you're working in an office and you're sitting throughout the day, this may call for a lot of trouble. So take short breaks, like you know, is this lunch or then you're walking with the during the lunch hour or reciting your scarf or you know if you're working for like two three months constantly it's good to take a break and score while somebody or even if it's lunch or and you can go out take a walk in nature it's good especially you know all the things happen in life somebody sometimes what happens when somebody hurts us so bad that you want to burst and you cannot say anything go take a walk in nature, it
really helps to dissipate the negative energy and research proves that just 10 minutes talking in the nature it immediately boost decree the chemistry of our brain to increase happiness. So rates are very very important. cut back on caffeine. So if you have specially if you have anxiety problem then the caffeine
adds a lot to the problem. I myself love coffee, but I always have it in a very calculated amount. And
so as I just said, it adds to the anxiety to begin with. So it's better to cut it down if you're taking a lot of caffeine. And if you're cutting it down, remember, cut it down gradually. Because caffeine, or you know, if you're taking coffee or whatever it it has addictive properties. So for example, if you take two cups of coffee per day, have one for the next week, and then half for the next week next to that. So that's how I can help learn positive self talk. So what is a self love?
self talk is basically a dialogue that goes on inside our head when we are faced with a challenge. Any challenge that causes anxiety. So negative self talk is is how should I put it is deeper, it adds to anxiety, negative self talk, like I cannot do this, how can I do this? And we have on the flip side positive self talk can greatly greatly reduce the anxiety no matter what you know, it really helps. So let's do an activity again together.
I'm just wondering, when did I start? How much time do I have? Okay, let's quickly do this activity together. So I invite you to think about a thing that you're really really struggling with recently whatever it is for you. So you want to take maybe admission into university of
your finances do not permit your you know, you have young kids to take care of or you have to give a public dog and you're staying bad for whatever reason. So whatever it is, whatever situation you're struggling with, first step is identify your inner dialogue. What are you saying to yourself
and trust me I highly recommend whenever I'm teaching these things, I highly recommend to people to write it down why because your heart and your head and your mind are secret places for the remembrance of Allah so do not believe them write it down so if you're saying I cannot do that, just identify embrace it you're saying I cannot do that I cannot do that
okay done. Now, you have to change it to something positive and neutral tell yourself I can just loudly I can
and the truth is is
just bring examples from your life to strengthen this I can
write so for example, you can say that um see, so Canada I did x y Zed in the past so I can do this as well if you do not have any example in your life, bring examples from hand loving examples from someone else's life. Can I tell you just a little for login do it for her if she can study by the by the grace and mercy of Allah I can study right if Allah can do it for her, let him do it for me as well.
Right so this three step identify just neutralize it and then bring sample to support your neutralize or your newly formed positive
positive talk right I hope you're doing it with me insha Allah so
that's how a positive keep keep giving yourself you know different pep talks
whenever we can stay active so the more active you are the lesser chances are their friends it to attack you just start making small changes. We'll talk about exercise in a while. And just don't wait for the treadmill to come to exercise, do something exercise that you can do to stay active. Like just using stairs instead of elevator, and so on. We talked about exercise in a while as well we'll be discussing stress. So keep up with proper nutrition such as food is concerned, take care of two things. First is include healthy stuff in your diet like green veggies, lean protein.
It helps a lot with every kind of mental issues. Trust me they say you are what you eat and drink a lot a lot a lot of water.
Just just I mean make sure that you're not drinking like gallons of water. Whatever you held in your there's a there's also a formula to find out how much water you should be drinking for glass. So if you're 50 to 60 kg, maybe seven to eight glass should suffice.
Second is I'm going down all the foods which is unhealthy It is as simple as that. Remember, if you are struggling with any mental disorder,
this eating fast food eating chips, soft drink sugar, it's it's suicide. Trust me It adds so much to you know these mental things because again, they said you are what you eat. And I would also recommend you here and just quickly share a personal experience. It's exactly the fourth week that I have got all the
Artificial sugar from my life. And yesterday, just yesterday, I had,
I'm not sure if I was not too sure if it had too much sugar, I had a Sasha flooded, and I drank it and I hated it, I hated it, trust me and also happy that humbler that my body responded to a negativity to it. So
from my experience, I can tell you that when you cut down on sugar, it gives you so much energy gives you so much energy
and Subhanallah you really feel and pretty much
control. So, start from making little changes just to
make sure that
then you can do it for a good reason, right? Just tell yourself that alas pantalla likes healthy believers. So, I want to be healthy for the sake of last time that I say I had so that I have more energy to serve as being and yes, weight loss is a byproduct of that it comes with it. So
keep up with proper nutrition, I would also recommend you if somebody is there to support you because it's always easier to meet you know, positive changes with the support of others. So, if you can involve friends and family, inshallah that will be good. Maintaining gains and preventing some setbacks, what happens sometimes anxiety returns after you have it was too high, if you can counseling you have made all the changes that we discussed about anxiety goes away, but sometimes it gets back months or years after it goes away. This This is known as relapse, right? How would you prevent relapse? Again, relapse is also preventable. If you have a right plan, which is put into
place, you can prevent relapse. So some of the suggestions I have for you, you quickly continue with self care. Especially this is a reminder to mothers wives, because what what happens once we become wise, alas, we forget ourselves totally completely. Do something really safe for yourself. Take care of yourself, maybe one day Esther God, I am reminding this to myself. inshallah, and I'm going to try this to apply this in my life is Friday is self here it is it is the day when you follow all the sooner cutting nails and all that, you know, maybe you can take us one massage on Friday and feel a bit relax and ask your husband and I'm not cooking today. Our husbands are not going to be very
happy listening to that. But just generally anything that you can do for yourself, follow healthcare provider advice.
Take part in social activities, take it slow. So if you have many responsibilities, you can you know, put them in, in phase and remember, it's not necessity to do everything, create an anxiety nine month plan. You know, the, the list of warning signs that indicate that anxiety might be on the rise again, then have a plan ready to deal with those signs, right. So for example, if workplace situations that trigger anxiety, create a plan for creating a plan for action for handling them. So
even before they even before you encounter them. So what happens that when the troubleshoot
some situation arises, you already have a plan to deal with it and arrange for continued support.
Okay, half an hour and we are done with anxiety. So I'm happy.
All right, let's move on to stress. And stress again is different from anxiety, although these are us individually changeably. But that's not right. Stress has its own. So what Stress Stress is the response of people to excessive pressure, or demands placed upon them, it arises when they worry that they can't cope with these challenges.
Before before I move on, I would like to just inform you that everybody has
everybody you know, it is
it is a very difficult thing to define stress or to pin it down. Because it's a very individual thing for some for someone raising children would be very stressful for someone else. His work individually stressful for someone else studies can be very stressful. But for some other people, these are the greatest joy of life like work for them studying is fun, right? Or for for some people raising children is fun. So it's again, I would invite you to make your approach very personalized when you're listening to this part of the session. Right? So whatever it is for you just apply the things on there. So 80% of all the modern disease have their origin in stress. I am sure that now
95% of all more modern disease have the origin and stress it all starts with stress and it translates into or transforms itself into mental and physical problems.
So I have just taken one statistic for you to know how alarming it can be 91% of adults, Australians feel stress in at least one important part of their lives and you have so many stats of the sort. Again you have positive stresses, right? A lot of people do not know what positive stress is, as to positive stress is you stress, it is the positive cognitive response to stress that is healthy, or gives a feeling of fulfillment or other positive feelings.
So, this is again a funny example, if you see this and you do not feel stressed, God knows what happens. distress or negative stress is negative stress comes from having your well being threatened or from being attacked physically or emotionally. Side effects of stress and trust me, this list is not exhaustive. Stress can make you forgetful. Have you ever seen sisters, especially mothers, they would say I have put spoon there and then you go and see mama spoon is not there and gazing? No, I just put it there. And you go and she says, Oh, no, that's not their stress, right? It leads you to make poor judgments. And that's why I taught you did feeding exercise that when you are under
stress, when you're under xiety do not take decisions is at least go through deep breathing, and access your solution providing areas of the vein and then decide it causes you to make serious mistakes, it makes you more negative it can cause heart disease, stroke, elevated blood pressure, and makes you more susceptible to infection. So stress is directly proportional to
the more serious you are, the more are the chances that you can have disease. So what do we do we study about stress management.
We'll start with the activity again. Okay, ready, guys?
Alhamdulillah Okay, are you guys ready for another activity? Just give me a yes, if you're in sha Allah, please participate. I don't want to feel that I'm talking to a screen.
Okay, good. handle that. So we are happy.
Okay, Alhamdulillah Ready? Okay.
Where am I? I think this is a simple activity that is called why what is stress?
Remember, every kind of change brings some sort of stress, right? A lot of stress it increases because you do not recognize the problem. So the first and foremost point is to recognize the source of your problem or this recognize the source of your negative stress. And I'm not saying that you are weak or you're helpless, I'm not saying that I'm weaker, I am helpless, if it is just if you stress, you feel stress, it's a normal thing right problems happen with everyone what we are trying to do is we are just trying to identify the problem and then plan some
we are planning to somehow or not somehow we are planning to inshallah, in a very
systematic way we are going to overcome and inshallah so this is this is an again, it's a writing exercise, please hold your pen and paper and I'm explaining this model to you. So, first thing is why, which leads to what and then that leads to stress our activity is to fix the why.
I'll give you a simple example.
If you have headache, and you go to a doctor, please do doctors do not take it to your heart and just give an example if you if you have a headache and you go to a doctor and if he gives you a tablet or something and you have this tablet and allows the headache is one term he has the doctor treated the cause or has the doctor treated the effect please I just want to see the answer has the doctor treated the cause or has adopted treated the effect
have your trouble anyone
please participate? effect very good sister nyla he has treated the effect what happens is that the doctors he has not treated register so it feel
I can can I make a very humble request. For those of you who are here, you know we have this 21st century tendency to multitask right. So some of you will be listening to this conference and we have 10s browser on and some of you will be doing something else. Remember if you're multitasking then the research says that it decreases your concentration.
Right so whatever you're learning you're not be able to absorb 100% of what you're learning here. So I would request you if you have your tabs on if you have your WhatsApp on. If you have all these things on then please try to get rid of it so as to get 100% benefit of this central idea of it will say you will be saying you know any questions and then you will be asking me questions from
Nowhere, right? So and then then you will be saying no, no, I couldn't understand half of this panel.
Right? So please, if you if anything else is going on, just we can inshallah, get rid of it. And but if you have children, it's okay. Let them play around to the news over the weekend, inshallah so
so let's move on to our, to our activity. So you will write your I this is it, I'm just trying to make this activity as simple for you as you can. But again, it's really beneficial. So if you're having
what are we discussing before? Yes, the doctor has treated the effect, the chances are, that the headache might come back again.
So if you do not treat the underlying problem, if you do not treat the underlying cause of the trouble, chances are there a strike back. So knowing your VI is very important. So you're often having fights that your husband, right, you're with, it's happening over and over again. So just try to find out why. Why am I having I'm having this emotional trouble What's happening? So once you know this, why is it becomes easy to
deal with it? So you have communication problem, okay, just learn to have a compassionate communication? Or if you know, it's exams? Yeah. And if you take your exam tomorrow, you're just trying to study and trying to cover this label, just one night before the exam, you're treating the effect. You're not reading the cause? What should you do, you should have, you know, do chunking of your slavers and studied throughout the semester, this was treating the cause. So in any anything else, you know, work on imbalance. What do you need to do you know, you need to manage time, if it's affecting your job is if that's creating stress to you, you have to find out why. Why is it
happening with me? Right? If you're not going well along with your husband, why if you're, if everything is messing up? Why ask yourself and then six that way, what the children are doing, the children are being fussy, they're being messy, they do not cooperate, and that causes you stress for you Do you discipline your children, you educate yourself on this disciplining techniques, when it comes to children talk to your children listen to what they have to say. Right? So this again, would be helpful a lot of times what happens is that a mother is constantly saying something children are not listening. She's saying this again, as literally seen women repeating the same thing over years,
and the children are not listening and I asked her sisters, why don't you change the technique? If that's our working guard gazillion what techniques, change the techniques try to find out why they do not listen to you and then fix that Why? Right? So the only person whom you have control over is yourself.
So just try to find out how you can make the situation better. The other thing is fixing your perception. So between the situation and you is always your perception. It says if I can put it
correctly here it says that it's not what happens to you It's what you do with what happens to you right? You can listen to that one of the recording inshallah so situation so for example
you are at home is to start from the satellite from the situation husband asleep and what you're doing you're thinking you're at home you're perceiving that Okay, I think he met an accident Oh, I think he got dropped Oh, I think that he's with another woman. They these thoughts do not serve you and when these sorts of thoughts they do not serve you get rid of them. Right It's important to learn to respond to life situation and not to react to them.
Oh, never yet holding on to all these negative thinking okay, my husband will be some that someone else or we are holding. We are just hanging on to the frustrations, we are holding grudges and we are playing victim mode. Trust me, we are just creating ourselves.
Because these emotional baggage it will it will again translate itself into physical disease. Holding on to grudges again, it's just and I'll be talking about forgiveness in a while. I can share it with you. They're great. So what you can do
is that you can sorry I missed this. So the greatest mistake we humans make in our relationship philippson half understand for the things you do and we add double so respond, do not react. Change your thinking what do you do you reframe while you're in a house you are not able to access your husband. You can think good husband might be late because of traffic jam, all because of work overload or because of unexpected meeting. So positive thinking see what you can do rather than what you can't focus on your strengths. look for opportunities, seek out positive
And then make a change to give our listeners dejection, despair, failure, righteous. reframing is change the way you look at things, why, in order to be able to feel better, it's good for you. So there are many ways to interpret a certain situation.
Someone like I read a
post somewhere, that in which the husband was writing something, and the wife was standing on his head, and he was reading, she was reading what he was writing, and I'm just trying to take it out from my memory, he was saying this was such a bad year, and I had to go through a go to an operation in which my pancreas was removed. And my son went through
went to an X, he met an accident and my father died and all these things. After a while he wrote a long list of all the bad things that happened during the year the white stick the pen, and she related and she says that I'll have the leg was such a good year that I finally got rid of the pain in my pancreas. Right? to whatever it was, I'm not sure it was really pancreas or my child was safe, in a very horrible accident, in which the entire vehicle was destroyed. And hamdulillah during this year, my father at the age of 18, without being a burden anybody he met his, he went to his Lord, so right so you should rethink the entire situation for him. If anything is messing up, you you plan
for some kind of love big thing and a structuring
reframing, either you take them Rayleigh or you just start going, Oh my god, I'd ruined our day and all that. So reframing is pretty much it doesn't change the external reality, but it helps you to view things in a way that is that is good for you. Right It makes you take things lightly and less stressful he
says in Surah Baqarah
that it may be that you like dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is not good for you and Allah knows and we do not know right? Allah knows but you know not, then there are some unrealistic expectations
unrealistic, just me just understand I'm not talking about goal setting here. And not talking about anything positive here I'm talking about unrealistic explanation, you see this blue line this blue line is where you stand and this red line is where you want to reach if it is unrealistic this you know this position this gap is going to produce stress and unhappiness. So eliminate your unrealistic expectations have goals, have attainable goals, good goals, reliable goals, but I should do that I need to do that I ought to do that these things, if they are out of a certain good healthy range, just kill them all. where you are right now is where you should be because this is a part of
ullas master plan. Congress is where your should is equal is equal to your is right. That is again not talking about goal setting. Set yourself some good higher attainable goals but right now there you are, do not mess up with that situation.
Okay, so I should I am
meditation and relaxation so maybe meditation within what reason meditation has just been focused on any one idea or object when you exclude all other ideas, all other objects. So let's Aleksandra has given us a beautiful thing in the way in the in the name of meditation, you can say non Muslims have tried and invented a lot of techniques for meditation. I say that salah and for sure in the Salah is the best form of meditation for us Muslim Alexander says what is what is the last month Allah wants us
when we are offering Salah, and remember this is and just reminding us to myself first, and then to all of you that he wants us to have great being able to focus on what we are saying and exclude all other ideas, all other things as popping up in my mind our minds and focus on center that's the best form of meditation. So lots of no prophet sallallahu lism said Salah is the coolness of my eyes, and that's a hobo for myself. And for the rest of you for at least one day for next five days. They do art will love Allah to me the Salah hula Safar eyes and prophets allows us to gel with Allah de la de la know that oh Bilaal comforters by the prayers call.
So Allah Subhana Allah says in Surah Baqarah O you who believe seek help with patience and perseverance, patience, perseverance and prayer for Steiner with Sabri or Salah for Allah is with those who are patiently persevere. So again, if you're having anxiety, if you're having panic attacks, whatever you're having. One of the best thing is to just unroll your prayer mat, go make Voodoo, and just stand on just just stand in Alaska.
Intel Alessandra, this is what happens if this is what's happening with me, you take care of it, I cannot take it. That's what the law says intruded on those who believe and whose hearts are set at rest by the remembrance of Allah. Now surely by the remembrance of Allah are the heart set and risk. So with the remembrance of Allah do hearts find these little hard frames, this will have different rules make lots and lots of detail. Again, when it comes to Zika do something which you can do consistently, which includes, you know, a scar after salonica morning, evening, morning, morning, evening attacks or whatever you can do with ease, please do that in sha Allah can templating on the
signs of Allah. So again, I was saying that you know, if something happens to you and you have the liberty of going out and taking a walk in nature, maybe in a park or near the ocean or wherever you can, it's a very good thing. scientistic and a lot of speaking to prove that it boosts happiness, it takes you out of misery, but Allah Allah has given us this good use and for analysts Malala says, men who celebrate the praise of Allah standing sitting in line down on their sides and can can lay the wonders of creation in the heavens and the earth with the thought that our Lord not not for you. I mean just difficult English that you have not created all this glory DTV give us salvation from
the banality of hellfire.
So add some fun to life the whole argument since it's humorous good if you are not
Sofia and Ebony I know he was asked is joking prohibited he replied it's just enough but the point is that it should be done in an appropriate way and it should not include anything that is not true. Either. There are some pointers do not mark the last month it says in the Quran it oh you who believe like not some people mocking here there It may be that they are better than you so do not call anybody oh this is Pakistani This is fun. This is bundle it all together
and do not like to go to the one who says something which is false in order to make people last fall prophets Allah Salaam said this price go to him go to him and go to him. Okay, again, you do an exercise I just want to see if you guys are with me. Okay pen and paper ready one I hope this is the last exercise we do that we are going to be doing together
last exercise Are you guys ready? pen and paper Ready?
Okay, I know I'm troubling you guys a lot but just tell you the pen and paper is at last exercise inshallah deep reading.
So give yourself a mark. So, here I have should you say get this again. You are what you eat. So you're gonna be doing this exercise real quick.
I have sugary carbonated drinks. You don't want me to name those drinks. You already know that.
Never one really two, sometimes three, often four, and five. May Allah forgive us. Always five.
Number two, I eat salty foods. Do you know I never eat soluble one. I rarely eat salty foods. I do not salt a little bit salt is good. But if you see this thing right here in the slide, then that calls for trouble sometimes often always. I eat COVID butter.
Always sometimes. Give yourself some hearts over here.
I eat chocolates and these feeds
and chocolates a lot. I just eat dark chocolate now without sugar. Vanilla.
I used to love chocolates and I believe that if I can give up on eating chocolate, anybody can give yourself some marks over here.
Add sugar to hot drinks.
You always have good replacements you can you do you know that honey tastes as good as anything else in the tea. I use honey these days and it's good and I'm doing well. I add sugar to hot drains. I drink less than 1.2 litre fridge every day. This is one research. Other researchers say that your body needs water according to your BMI according to your weight. So
the point is that you need to have a good amount of water. I eat fried food fellas, give yourself 10 away here if you do, man.
Just give us a fight always. Yes. Okay, if you're done with that.
Just quickly add your score. So remember, it's okay.
The higher you have scored the unhealthier your diet is that means the more stressful you can be. So healthy lifestyle is your default consumption lowered nicotine and white processed food as much as you can actually it's not. It's not practically possible for
me I pray to Allah that it becomes possible for us someday to leave all the processed food but as much as you can.
Why processed food avoid the use of refined sugar and carbohydrate and vegetable food vitamin water go green
as Fonterra says into the IRF eat and bring but do not waste. So exercise as I was talking about exercise radio.
If exercise sounds too boring to you what you can do can you guys see my screen? Okay hamdulillah so remember if you're doing anything boring just try to make it fun. So if you are exercising, you do not like it. Ask your husband to accompany you on ask your friend your company you will just make it exciting. Or if you have young children, you can play games with them. What does exercise do? It improves your blood circulation, it lowers your blood pressure it is a minute of boring thoughts. It improves self image it makes you feel better about yourself. So good. And start encourages active lifestyle and we know that Professor Allison used to race with Ayesha della della until helped and
used to walk as he was descending from a hill so you would you know the way he would would walk it means you know business teacher child swimming, archery and horse riding. And then get organized. A lot of stress comes from being unorganized especially with moms who are you know taking care of multiple things in the morning especially the husband can find the songs the children cannot find the copies and whatever be proactive
security against out of blue problems last key to make sure you have one place for your key so pays for everything and everything in place. It helps don't overload your mind organization will help avoid your personal and professional chaos. compassionate communication any problem big or small within a family always seem to start with the bad communication someone is not listening. So analysis monitor this is one of my favorite is in Iran because it pretty much sums all our trouble with communication. And last one The law says say to my soul when they speak that which is great because surely the shaitan source distinctions among them. And surely the shaitaan is an open enemy
few men simplify your lifestyle declutter through all the stuff that you're not using. If you know somebody is trash, somebody stranger, normal tasking image it has different categories actually, if you are cleaning, if you're doing dishes and listening to a good lecture at the same time, then it's fine. But if you are listening to a good lecture and opening another browser and Facebooking then that's not fine. One media fast sometimes just get rid of all the tabs mobiles everything and just slide down appreciate life. Time management make a to do list procrastinate, procrastination, plan your day around, especially set achievable goals. Do not waste time making excuses for things that
you cannot do. Forgive because remember, if you are not forgiving others if you're holding on to grudges, it is just like if you're doing drinking poison, and you're expecting someone else to die, so just It is not something that you do for people. It's just what you do for yourself. Forgive forget and move on. And trust me if you are not forgetting then you have not forgiven an essential part of forgiving is that you forget but if you pardon overlooking forgive, then indeed ALLAH is forgiving. THE MEANTIME again, I encourage all the mothers who have some time it's very good that you're available for our husband, children in laws our parents have it's very good but please be
available for yourself as well. take time out for yourself and get away from the things that bother you This will help you to meet yourself and come you come you don't just ask yourself what do I want from life? What again, add more
exciting, right? Do the things you love doing in a peaceful environment take some rescue boy he has right over you. If you suffer with some setback, then ask yourself look at the bigger picture isn't going to matter in five years. You know, if if you lost your bag, which had you know, say a couple of bucks in it, and you're like, you're totally freaking out, just ask yourself is it going to matter five years from now no one and just let it go? Who doesn't fit everybody else just learn from your mistakes inshallah counseling support network, I again, I highly encourage you that if anything is getting out of your control, then please, please, please seek professional counseling. It's
really just I
it's rather pains me to you know, do driven see that that you mean we actually spend 1000s of bucks to get our physical health back.
But But really, we just don't pay any attention to our to our mental health we do not, we don't want to spend a single penny to treat our mental disorder. So trust me if you do not only your mental health, like the way you honor your physical health you are you will have to pay a lot of prices later because mental health problems they ultimately transform themselves into physical problems. So before that happens, seek counseling, seek professional support I spend on it, even if it makes you just spin, then strengthen your bond rekindle the strangest recites to nothing and ask a lot to give me your love and ask for nothing else and the last one that I will be like
Yes, this person asked for my love. Allow me a sort of a hug box to strengthen your bond with the law. Just put, give all your worries to him. make lots and lots of stuff are a lot of times whatever we do is also the result of a trade. It's actually the outcome of what we have done before. So seek a lot of dependency. You know, a lot of stuff I've said about someone that a person comes to him and says I don't have to die and we were he was a scholar. He fights criticism. He said because the fight somebody came and said, I have financial issues. It makes the fight somebody came in he complained of some other problem and he said maybe so far.
So a lot of times what we are suffering is the result of what our hands have earnings that's what especially the last one the last season. So make lots of stuff watch some dogs to fight stress and chill I can have a look at it. Look at it. Last month last season put on in a model C is trying to lead with every hardship there is a with ease.
Aloha aloha Robbie aka Venetia. That's where prophet Allah Allah has been used to resign and last month Allah does not bring in a soul more than they can handle. He knows that you can handle it so take it easy. Kamala Harris cathedra for your patience and here we go. Any question? is Allah fair sister Bella for that truly fruitful session that will be all for today Alhamdulillah we would like to thank all the attendees for joining us today and we hope to see you all tomorrow as well inshallah. Remember to join us tomorrow sharp at 3:45pm Qatar time. We pray that Allah subhana wa Taala makes these sessions truly beneficial for all of us and relieves us of the trials we may be
facing. I mean,
some Hanukkah lahoma will be Hamdi Ganesha do Allah Allah Allah antennas. Dr. Rocha wanted to be like Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh