Channel: Zohra Sarwari
An all-powerful message by sister Zohra Sarwari who has home schooled her children, in regards to parenting the children with the right balance of dunya and akhirah. She shares her beautiful experiences and gives some practical tips to help the parents to motivate the children in learning the deen and applying it in their day-to-day life. May Allah bless her and all of us t be able t make our hearts firm on the deen.
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Alright guys, so first of all, thank you so much for having us here and apologize for the weight and like to introduce this juicer so Laurie, so I guess a little bit about her
sister zoroaster wiring came to America at the age of six from Atlantis van as a refugee, living first in New York and Virginia before finally moving to California.
In 1993, she graduated high school and got married shortly after. Thereafter, she continued to work full time, undertake a college education and have children. Eventually, she earned a bachelor's degree in psychology, a master's in Business Administration, and is currently working on her master's in Islamic Studies. She started her own business to share the benefits of inspirational knowledge and heartfelt experiences with people all over the world. In the face of all her achievements, and it missed every challenge she has faced, Zahra maintains her faith in the last one ozada. She's a proud mother of four children, all of whom she's currently homeschooling. She's also
she also raised her nephew, as she undertakes each of her roles in life. So I invite you to change the way you live one step at a time, she challenges us to alter the way you look at life, to see the great mystery of it all. Today, Dora is an established author, life coach, entrepreneur and speaker, sharing her inspiration and love of learning with those around her. As a public speaker and Muslim life coach Samira focuses on helping people achieve their goals and working with individuals and resolving specific challenges within their lives. So it's really like to invite these
Buffalo, when Julian phocoena come in, say at the Molina he loves allama Villa, or my Salah halia or shadow Allah Allah in the law lashley gala or shadow in the Bahamas.
Rubbish rock wizardry where suddenly only watlow bhakta melissani Yes.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most magnificent, all praises due to Allah, Lord of the universe. We praise Him we seek His help and his forgiveness and we seek protection from that Kirsti whomever Allah guides will never be misguided, and whatever he allows to misguided will never be guided. I bear witness that there is no god worthy of worship except Allah who is one alone and has no partners. And I bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is a service and sleep with the blessings of Allah be upon him to stand with his companions and the righteous will follow them until the day of judgment. Amin
Let's do this again. Come on guys, I get a bigger response from the non Muslims. We got to get better at this Mashallah salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah.
Wa barakato. The reason why I do that, and I do this, is because if you can start with a strong greeting, then you're open, you're receptive to listening, and inshallah within the next 45 minutes to learn. My goal tonight is not to come here as down in front of you, and just give you some wise words, my goal is to come and help you change. My goal is to help you transform. My goal is after you leave tonight, shala you're going to want to change your family to become a better family show. And every one of us needs to change every one of us doesn't matter where students have knowledge of we're scholars, or just the novice, we all need to become better and more, shall I do you agree with
me? All right, Mashallah. So I'm gonna start off with a verse of the Quran in chapter 66, verse number six allies or justice Are you will believe Save yourselves and your families from a fire held, who still is men and stones, over which there are appointed angels who are stern and severe, who disobeyed not from executing the commands of Allah azzawajal but do what they're commanded. So Allah, this is, he's telling us, save your families from the fire of hell, because the angels are not gonna disobey Allah azza wa jal.
We don't have a second chance once we're in desktop, Allah. Hey, buddy, yo, just want to ask Allah for forgiveness is too late. So a lot of time, I guess he's reminding us save yourselves and your families. So when we hear this, what happens? We have to think what I mean Save yourselves and your families.
I've been in America all my life since I've been six. Well, not all my life. You know the majority of it, right? I'm first generation. I mean, yeah, first generation from Afghanistan here. And I know what it feels like to go to public school.
I've been there. I went to public schools in New York City. Then I went to middle school in Virginia. And then I finished high school in California. So my parents like to travel. And then I moved to India and we had a lot of traveling. Mashallah. So I say, this is what we hear this As parents, we need to start thinking, how are we going to save our families? This is the mother's role and the father's role. Very important. How are we gonna save our families? Because like I said, once we're in the grave, it's too late. It's too late. And I say this. Because, you know, if we don't work on it, in the center, we don't on the Day of Judgment, and Allah subhanho wa Taala does this.
Our kids will come to us and say, Mother, give me your good deeds. Father, give me your good deeds.
And you're like,
not sharing today. It's not sharing is caring. But they're gonna say Give it to me, because you didn't teach me this. You didn't wake me up for a federal law. You didn't tell me to play my issue before I was when you told me what, study hard, get your aim your medical school, I'm doing this on that. But you didn't wake them up for
you know, and sit there and you inspire them, just ask, and to do this and do that. So they will be asked you on that day. They'll be in, it's going to be a scary day. And I tell my kids every day, Mashallah I wake them up for the hajah. Like,
I'll make sure you guys get all your time. And if you
don't come after me, I already got my students. I've got my issues, and I don't need you guys coming after me. So it's important. It's important that we don't feel sorry for our kids when it comes to obeying the law. Very important. If they are staying up all night to take us for a test tomorrow, martial, and it's great. But remember, Allah is the one that has the results. So they cannot wake up for a budget to pray to Allah. Who cares about the results? Who cares? Because if your child wants to die on that day, would that test have been important or what's
really, it's important to think because we as parents, sometimes we feel sorry for them. It's okay. You can go to sleep early. It's, it's okay. You missed the shackle late? No, don't feel safe, because they will not feel sorry for you and that day, very fortunate. So I'm going to go over three steps with you guys. Today, I'm going to go over why do we need to work on a family first? What are three steps to working on a family first? And what is the results of people who have worked on their family because I'm going to share some stories. So CS Lewis, who is a non Muslim, gave this quote
she said, The homemaker has the ultimate career. All of your careers exists for one purpose only, and that is to support the homemaker.
Nowadays in the West, when we say whether it's America, Canada, Australia, and if you say you're a stay at home, Mom, you really, really all the in Muslim communities were looked down upon when we looked at the pronoun intelligence, because we didn't do this for that. We're raising our kids. They're like, anybody can do that.
They can't. Anybody can't do that. Anybody can't do that. It takes a real woman to raise a nation. It takes the mother the Mambo hottie mela to raise a nation. It takes the mother and the mom Muslim, Abu hanifa Ivana has been humble him I'm sorry bollock. All these great scholars Masha, who raised nations who raised nations. So now we reflect back, we raising nations, are we raising chickens?
When we come to the point, and we ask ourselves, you know, if I were to die today,
in my confidence, now my kids are much at the bottom on the right path. And if we can say, No,
we're doing some stuff wrong. So it's really important to reflect on that, right? So Mother Teresa said,
What can you do to promote world peace? Go home, and love your family. Go home and love your family. You see, we want to change the world. We want to change society. We're looking at theater, you're looking at Palestine, we're looking at Burma. We're looking at everywhere, and we want to do something. We're giving a charity we're doing this mug shot the Bible. But we've kind of neglected our family. When it comes to our own homes, we're busy.
We're on the phone. We're going out with a friend. We got this we got that. And our kids. You know mom, I need to say please, please leave me alone.
your kids need you, your kids need you and Dad, dad works all day long. That's great. But when he comes home, he needs to leave work at work, he needs to be focused on the family. Everyone needs to be a unit. Because if you want to raise Rice's children who are going to make a blog for you, who are gonna be a subject of jargon for you?
It's not just given. It's hard work. I mean, did you become a doctor by imagining
chemistry? I mean, you just sleep all day, think about it? Or do you have to physically take classes and work and get grades? And then go to the medical school? How do you do it? It takes work, right? So why doesn't it take work to enter Jenna,
only three things manifest, right? And one is ratios, children. But if our children do not know how to read, they don't know they're Afghans. They don't know the respect of parents, the respect of Allah, they don't have a connection with Allah, they will have done something wrong. They have to have a connection with Allah. And sometimes the problem is us. We don't have a proper connection with Allah. And we need to love you, why am I really connected with Allah? am I really? And if we can say no, we need to work on ourselves. Because unless we're connected to Allah, that's upon Allah, how is our shoulder going to be connected to Allah?
So I'll tell you a story. And this is the true story. And this situation changed my life tremendously. When I first started, you know, speaking of stuff myself, I actually was homeschooling my own kids, I actually decided to stay home because I went to public school, and I saw Prime Minister Miss Marsha Monica, private schools are better than public schools.
But I have high standards. So when I went to the private school I did this and you know what they say?
You got so many standards Why don't you just go back to Afghanistan?
I'm gonna do it in America show I'm gonna teach you how it's done. I was very thing about the column and the center and making sure that we did all the stuff that I thought as long as schools will do, but they thought I was too strict. Strict I was like he so they need to be there. It was too strict. The Japan time to strengthen Why did they go into a smaller school? You really have to ask them so that's why I started homeschooling because he challenged me like oh yeah, watch this and Shama had no clue what I was doing. No idea. my bachelor's in psychology, my Master's in business. I had to learn how to become a homeschool so anyone can do it. Number one, anyone can do it. So I took this
as a speaker, Masha, Baraka when I got started to go to several events, I was going into a city where one of these great chefs les Mashallah want to go He memorized the Quran at age of seven Mashallah radical Islam behind his book by the age of 12, amazing chef, and he knew I was coming. He says, Well, you have to bring your family to my house for Wendy, Please stand by. And I mean, who's gonna say Natasha, you're gonna go to learn, right? You're excited, you know, someone you admire. So my family and I just had to go. When I went there, I was heartbroken.
I was addicted to video games at the age of 10. Like most kids, so a lot of time came, and
his kids didn't get up for so long. The father went to the masjid, my husband and my son, we prayed another room. And I was just like, wow, here's a shirt, who's going around the world, and teaching Islam and giving down and changing lives, but his family's falling apart? law in the law.
Don't go changing the world, change your home. Don't worry about the world, change your home first. Change your home. First. Focus on your kids focus on your marriage. There's no reason we've got doctors and engineers. And they're making a difference, the fight, but they're getting a divorce because they don't have time for their spouses. They don't have time for their kids, their kids are on drugs. I remember, I was in the UK, giving a tour. And a mom came after she was crying to me. And I said, What is it? She said, I have two sons. And they're both on drugs. And not only are they on drugs, they're selling drugs. And so this was the first time I've met Muslims only doing drugs and
drugs. I was like, like,
what should I do? And I looked at her. There's a lot you should have done.
It's too late.
It's too late when they become so much older. I mean, it doesn't mean we don't help them. But I'm saying we need to get a problem before it becomes a problem. We need to catch it ahead of time and focus and try to divert it before it becomes so big as they say in America and nip it in the bud. Stop it before it grows a bit before it becomes a tool.
All right, it's like a cancer cell. It's small first, right? Don't ignore it, catch it, and hold on to before it becomes all over. If it catches, then it's too late.
So Abdullah, even Omar said that the prophets of Allah is upset. Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of the people is a guarded and responsible for a subject. A man is the guardian of his family and is responsible for his subjects. A woman is the guardian of her husband's home and children and is responsible for them. And the slave of a man is a guardian of his masters property is responsible for it. Surely every one of us a shepherd and responsible for his flock. We've heard this Howdy, Masha Monica, most of us, right? It's great. Love it. But are we applying it?
You know, are we allowing the TV to raise our children? are we allowing the music to raise our children, the computer to raise our children, the Xbox to raise our children, or we raising our children? There's a difference. There's a difference when we do it ourselves, then when we give the duty to shaitan to help us, because in the beginning, it's innocent. It's small, simple, but really, a start with the law. It leads to destruction.
Knowing that because like I told you, I was in America all my life since I was six. And after seeing what I saw in public schools, yeah.
I'd rather my kids not be educated than go there personally.
When I met Muslims, young woman and men 1514 committing Zina and getting pregnant having abortions.
If this is the norm, this is what and none of their parents don't know.
It's kind of sad. It's kind of scary. What else can happen? So for me, it was a big decision to raise my kids myself. But what I say for everyone who has kids out there in the public or private sectors is you need to be proactive with your kids, you need to talk to them, you need to sit with them, you need to have relationship with them. And I'm going to tell you guys, every one of us is a sinner. So if your kid comes to you, I don't care how old they are, and they come to you. And they tell you something, you might not like like, Hey, Mom, I'm thinking about smoking some weed.
You don't go, stop.
No, hold on, take a step back. Listen to your kids. They're trying to talk to you. They're trying to get across to you. Open your hearts. It's hard. It's gonna be hard for us to accept it. But it's better. They're telling you before they've done it, then they go do it and get addicted. And then come to me
about and you're like What's wrong? Like? Yeah, the guys that these are drugs, he's on bigger stuff. So it's important that you guys understand, to have that relationship with your children is a family that you open the door and you let them come to you
during the time of the process, so my
hobbies are with him. And this I have you thinking of, you know, kissing is the opposite gender he told
what you think he didn't do that.
Talk with wisdom
to guide them? Yes, it's wrong. There's a lot of wrong but it's we have to stop back including the guy. I mean, the dads like a lot. No, don't please.
But the moment they use them What? Who did it? Oh,
my wish daughter's like they're ready to fight. Because they're, you know, nobody wants. It's almost like nobody wants their honor to be done. Don't worry about your honor. Worry about fixing the problem. Know that everyone makes mistakes, and worry about changing it before it becomes too big. So don't worry about what people think worry about a lot is that which I'll share with you guys a true story.
There was a father. This is he is living in a Muslim country, Masada Baraka
and he went knocking on the chef's house. So the sheer hope in the door and he's crying and he's crying, but she has said, What's wrong? He said, I want to tell you about my 19 year old son.
Okay, come in. He goes inside. And he's crying and it's crazy. What happened to my 19 year old son? Does he know my son when he was a child? He was great. martial art. He was righteous. He had good friends. He did good things. And then he got into high school. I didn't have a Muslim country. So you just have to think of we have a tough it's a little bit easier in the Muslim country. Right. And then
you start changing one day smell smoke on him.
So I didn't say nothing. The next couple of days, I noticed is missing issues.
And then I know he goes to sleep without praying he should. He wakes up, he doesn't pray fudger. So I noticed he's going off track.
Another two weeks goes by, and I smelled alcohol. And I said, What's going on? What's wrong with my son. And so he confronted by this time, the sun had bad friends. Because rushforth had left and bad friends had come in. And he was addicted to drugs. His father worked on him, he said, it happened so fast, so fast, that I didn't even immensely we're not prepared, because we don't imagine this happening to our children. But it's a reality can happen to any one of us. So he said, it happened so fast, that the next thing I knew, is I'm trying to get him help. As I'm trying to get him help. I tried to take them to hospitals and all this. And the son didn't want to go to certain things. So he
took him out of country to another place, and they have in rehab. And he rushed out, he got better. Because when we came back home, those evil friends that were lurking around the house, and he went back with the evil friends, and he got back into it. So I realized there's nothing I could do, except one thing. And that's what I did. You know what he did to us. He took him in his room and he locked the room. He said, No one is allowed to open the room, I take a food and water, I take care of him when I'm not home, you guys, but the only way that he's going to get rid of this disease if he needs to be far away from it, because drugs is one of those things you cannot get around it
right? The only way to get rid of an addiction is you have to basically sometimes cold turkey close out. So his father wanted the solution. He didn't want his son to fall apart. So he goes in, it was the hardest thing for me that my son's banging on the door over the door. And you know, as a parent, it's hard for us to hear a child cry. And now we want to help them. But he was I was crying that I wouldn't open the door for him. And he just continued for several days. Until one day grandma came over. He was at work. I'm selling from work. And he noticed as its doors open, and the sun is not there. He said What happened? He said, Well, today grandma came over, he heard her voice and he
said, grandma open the door. They're torturing me. They're doing siren pad, please.
What is grandma gonna do?
Not gonna think all the evil right? Grandma opened the door. And he came out he was in the living room of human and Shanthi. We're outside those evil friends around the house.
So they called him and look at how shaitan works. Look at how Shakedown works. They call him he went. For the next three days, this father said there's not a place I didn't look to find my son. I looked everywhere. And I kept saying, go along. Bring me good news or law bring me good news. Or give me the, you know, patience to handle it or law. You said it was the middle of the night on the third night. And my dog got knocked on. And I want and it was a police officer you so and so I said yes. He said Come with us. So he said I quickly changed my clothes. And I went to the police and I said, Oh Allah bring me good news. Continue making one after he put his trust in Allah. So we get to
the mall. The malls closed, late. And I'm thinking what am I doing here? And they go until they get to the restaurants. When they opened the stall, the son was dead in the bathroom stall with the drugs right next to him.
Today, what are his friends right now? Who took my son to wiper? Where are they now?
Where are they now? And then he was crying as he was telling the chef, the verse in the Quran where the evil brethren are going to deal with the evil friends, Megan, I wish I hadn't taken you as a friend. But it's too late. So the moral of the story is, you got to know your children's friends are you got to know if they're on the right path with a Muslim or non Muslim. I'm not to say you shouldn't have non Muslim friends, but pick gracious friends, righteous friends, friends who you know, are looking at the harm and are thinking about that. People who are thinking about doing something good mosh
pit crashes fans for them.
it's better to be alone, that fewer people will bring you down. And it's better to be with righteous people who bring you up than to be alone. Maybe sometimes our kids need to be alone. If there's not enough good people around them.
Very important. And just because someone comes to the masjid, or those the Islamic school, I hate to tell you that doesn't make my that my children's friend.
Because we have Muslims also making a lot of mistakes. We Muslims also have iPhones and iPads and all that. So it doesn't mean and this guy has friends who are Muslim, that took him to the wrong path. So you really have to judge very well as a parent. Who are your kids hanging around with? And you have to judge yourself who am I hanging around? am I sitting and talking to sisters who gossip and backed by and who are like telling me to pay against my husband? Am I talking to Ben or telling me to slap my wife around or? No You really have to think Who are you hanging around with a crisis fronts for yourself so your kids learn from this? Very important, very important.
So the prophets of Allah says that the best among you is the one who treats his family the best and I am the one who treats my family the best.
And so the Prophet was on loves his family worship and Bible we know from the Sita Subhan Allah you know, my kids always bring it up.
And I'm like in the
patient in Yeah.
The 10th time I called you
right now, quickly get
me to get hospital.
So happens when
they use it against you
are using it for yourself. Remember the one obey your mother's your mother, your mother, your mother? That one? Yes. They're like, I'm coming to the adult mature enough. I can't have it all. Mashallah. So that being said, you know,
it's important we show the love to our children, we show mercy and compassion, but at the same time, we don't overdo it a lot of time. And please do not take these words to heart, but I'm going to say some stuff that might be painful. A lot of times we show love to our kids by buying them things. They don't need. Buying that thing they don't need. And I'm going to give you some example, iPad, iPod iPhone.
x box. No, you don't have you don't need it. Don't even tell me. I'm gonna give you all the reasons why you do it.
Now, a 15 year old daughter, Masha Monica, her name is Alia. And she's in her second year of university. She's 15. And she asked me recently, she said, Mom, what do you think I'm going to get an iPhone. And
I'll tell you when you get when you graduated with your bachelor's degree, and you get into a really good master's program for free and you memorize
a nice shot at about 18 or so then show and you get a job that might get you an iPhone
or an iPhone.
Okay, that's like four more years from the 100 lines of code. Why do I tell you that? Sometimes because we're not there enough for kids. Because we you know, spend more time here or work or friends, we feel guilty. So we indulge in buying them these gifts.
They don't need those gifts. They need your time. They need your love. They need both.
I asked this all the time. How many kids in this room love reading? good books.
Marsha, I'm talking about how many of you guys have read read out of the habit books of the CEOs actor? I'm talking about real books.
Mashallah. But it's not the norm. Right? Kids are like books. You mean, like,
Who does that anymore? That's an old age.
My children's punishment is the library. Yeah, the credit
in the world, including New Zealand. Yeah.
Just a joke around the house that he's doing has been gone. And I'm like, I haven't seen that move. They're shallow. And you guys get older to check out the moms.
Because, you know, when they get bored, they should be going for knowledge. They should be going because if we want them to be knowledgeable and love learning and get educated, then why are they reading books?
That should be they're not that's not to say, again. That's not to say they can have free time. But they should be outside playing. They should be at the park. They should have activities such as soccer or Taekwondo or something to be active. We're all in Taekwondo. Mashallah. So they get to be active at us PE class for us. Because
I'm like, you get disciplined. They're like, thank you so much. That's not the sport I wanted.
I think it's a great sport. And I said later you're thinking
it's hard, but you can get bored with your fist.
But it's the whole thing of, we have to do what's good for them. Now what they like being different, because if we were children,
and we love candy,
and our moms gave us candy every single day, what happened besides cavities? diabetes, we have a lot of issues, right? Do our parents give us candies constantly? No, you don't my children, I've never drank soda washcloths. Never. And I've got some three and a half to 15. Didn't even like it. If it's smaller.
But I say that because when they're older, I told them, they can have a when they get older. And now there's like, nasty, and it's toxic for your body. They do their research they read, they realize it's not even good for them. So why I see this is because education is key. But also sometimes, if you knew your child was going to get diabetes at a young age, they would have to you have to keep giving that child shots, would you?
Would you prevent it? As much as you could? Why would you want that child to be getting shots every five minutes? You know, it's painful, right? So you're going to protect your child. So why are we not protecting our children from the champagne. And I'm talking about the champagne who wastes their time with a TV and the magazine, the Kardashians? Disgusting.
They're disgusting. And I'm saying that because I was on my way here. And I was on Yahoo News. Because I don't have a TV Alhamdulillah I was on Yahoo News. And they had a clip and they said, Oh my God, this mom did this exercise of all right, who are these crazy people that have watched this clip?
I want to play and I'm seeing the mom walks in and she's got like 20 boxes of pizza, did somebody ordered pizza? And as she says this to the daughter, the daughters are looking nasty at her. They're making fun of her. And they're saying, and I'm like, this is what our kids watch, then why would they not talk back to us? Why would they not disrespect because this is our role models. People who show their entire everything they got, and they got famous for no reason. But our kids,
you know why our kids like them, because our kids don't know this habit of the left one. They don't know the greatest people that lived on this earth. So we don't share that knowledge. They're gonna get the trash of society and things like that.
They're gonna think about Jay Z and Beyonce and you know, all the devil worshipers that exists around the world.
And they do, you can see they do the weirdest things upon londa.
You have to give them the role models, and you got to give them the righteous role models, they have to be righteous people, if we don't check on will easily do it for us. They already have the schools, that guide, you know, can misguiding the friends and the people. And then you're going to give them the access to the iPad and the iPhone and check now they got the Snapchat, they can write something 21 they want and deleted in seconds. You don't even know what happened.
But that leads to more. So once we do that head on at least two more how. So you have to know that you got to protect your kids from the Shakedown. I'm not saying don't love them, don't give them stuff. But you have to know the limits. And you have to know how, you know you got to really look into this as important. Because on the Day of Judgment, imagine we're standing in front of a library. And the last month I said, Oh, this child of your Well, this one was committed to not do drugs. Did this did that? How would it feel on that day? It's gonna be hard on us as a parent, right? Very difficult. So it's better now that we learn how to protect them to show him that. So
what are the things we can do to bring in more love into home? More family bonding, number one, make family night make family night, Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday night, take one night, it's only for your family, nothing else. You guys sit, have dinner together. You know what we do in our house, we all sleep together in the living room. Everyone brings a pillow and a comforter. And we just you know if it's winter, we'll put the fireplace on. We roast some marshmallows, marshmallows, just making sure okay. Can I have that?
So good. I have family night be there for the kids. Be a family. You know, we've become such people who like socializing, but now have their own family where they socialize with other families. The ball with the more kids with cancer. We need to first
we need to be very comfortable with each other. Talk about the day. How was your week? What else has happened? All of this is so important to connect with them. Because if they're going through something emotional, something difficult, we want to know first. Do you want their fans to know their teacher to know aren't? You know they know to know or do you want to know first? Even if it's hard even if it's bad?
We should be the first ones to not write last will feel like, I thought I was a mom. Not all those people are learned.
And those people come and tell you, it's painful, right? So make that make that family night, you know.
And chapter number 63, verse number nine, it says, Oh, you believe lead not your work wealth or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. And whosoever does that, these are the losers. And as much as we love our children and our family, they shouldn't stop us from worshipping Allah.
They shouldn't stop us from praying on time. I mean, literally, you know, it's important to know this point, because, you know, I know so many parents, like they get busy, on you know, ironing, so and so's closed and the lawn goes off, and they're busy. I'm doing this for my daughter. They shouldn't be the cause of us not obeying the law either. When and this is really important to implement, like, you know, when the alarm goes off, everyone gets up for so long. So before the alarm goes off, why should we be doing?
not waiting too long goes off, and we think
it looks like it's the last time get dark on air. You guys want to pray? How about you guys? go pray. And then a lot of the moms are notorious for this. Hey, honey, go pray. So So once it goes into the bathroom, a lot goes bust, if that person made a boo boo, they come in, they go in another room, close the door. Do you know if they prayed? They probably didn't pray?
Most likely they just
but most likely they tricked themselves. So what do you do? praying Jamaat, you're praying jamaah if your husband's home, the husband should be leading the sun, if you haven't been let the sun lead, teach you these responsibilities. You know what our bond we have like,
Mikey, that's just to remind my child to turn it off. And to give the OG on, let them be the ones I get a good deal. There's rewards for all of this. So you have the reminder, reminder, you do it yourself. What somebody says if there's nobody else that is the mother can lead worship, as long as long as there's no father or you know, son that can do it, or the kids are too small. You guys stand side by side, the oldest one, the one with the most Quran, memorized leaves, the salon, everyone next to each other. You know, besides the fact that we can get 25 to 27 times more reward from Allah. It's a family who prays together stays together. You want to pray together.
A lot of times kids don't even know what they're saying, if someone you need to discuss the law, you need to talk to them, what is the meaning of someone, you need to have this connection with them. Because a law should be one of those things that we love, inner inner, our inner heart, because we know the meaning. And if you guys don't know the meaning, you need to learn the meaning. You don't have to learn Arabic just learn the meaning of the summer, that alone is going to change your life.
It really is. And really, if they have a connection with a life xojo that's upon a lot. They have everything. They have everything. And I remember martial law was my daughter Alia was 13 I had gotten a new computer and my husband had just been stopped and all is my backup IT person. So she puts all these apps and stuff on my computer that I need and I have no clue. I just want to go in it's ready to show Alright. So that night I was in the other room Isha Salah was just over she was doing it, when all of a sudden, after she had downloaded something, the computer shut down. And she was like, while I was working on a book, I keep I usually write in between whatever I'm doing. And
sometimes it's safe sometimes. Just like what a mom was writing a book and I didn't save it and the computers restarting so she was so like paranoid and freaked out. So you know what she did? She got his tomatoes, once and her room paid closer, Gordon, easier prey. One is the Judith ajala. If I made a mistake, and I did this, please forgive me. But please do not let my mother's work be lost. Please save it for you. Everything is easy. She went back to Allah came back, took her clothes off and she just they not went back the computers restarted and most required for everything is that
it's important that they know who to go to to ask for help. At the end of the day, what can we do nothing for them and a lot of the women and my kids always say
they asked me to do something like now. They're like, Oh, what's the Allah at the end? Who changes hearts and who can make you change your heart? I'm gonna go make the law now. I'm not kidding you. And sometimes I do change my mind later and expect they want to go to the park or something. I don't have time. Then they come after they like so how do you feel about going to the park now and I got like some stuff done. I've cleared something. So I have a lot of a makeover. You guys want
I see a lot answering my door.
You can't do nothing more. Like my shower. I love it. I mean, it can be a challenge. But I love the fact that they go to a line asking that they know that honestly, what I can't do nothing. And I tell them, I really can't. At the end of the day, everything's October. But if they can connect to a lot like this, and go into their salads, and pray and be able to make law and all that, then you've given them something powerful,
and powerful. So the next thing I want to talk about is the third step. The second one was praying with them. The third step was learning the deen with your family.
And this is going to be a tough one to get into.
A lot of times we like our kids to do certain things. So we want How many of you here want your children to memorize the Quran, Mashallah.
A few people want just a few, nobody else, nobody wants to count agenda. They don't even care.
They want to take that responsibility.
Okay, so if we want that, if we want our children to memorize, we memorize it ourselves.
This is harder, right? Because when it comes to us, we say, I don't have time. I'm so busy. I'm working, I got
nothing to do responsibilities. No, my dear sisters and brothers.
On your way to work and on your way back, take a sutra and practice it. And you will see within a week's time, how much you say with the sisters while you're cooking.
While you while you're going wherever you do, leave them. When you're driving, you will memorize like this motion. Because our kids are they follow our actions, not our words. The talk goes in one ear out the other one, they see sticks.
So unfortunately, you know, I told this to my kids. I said I'm so happy to watch that. But if you guys want to memorize a compromise, let me tell you something.
I don't want the crowns from you guys, I want the crowns because I deserved it myself.
Now, if I don't make it,
I'll take your pounds.
But so long as I live, I will work on this just as much inshallah. So there's a competition, of course, Michel de Vaca they're gonna beat me on the last, okay. But they see that I love the Congress as much I want just as much. So if you're saying you want this for them, then be part of the people who do something, and you don't have to memorize. You know, just start off from the bottom, whatever you want. It's okay, one student at a time. Maybe you'll memorize one just in a year or two years. It's okay. So long as they see you practicing and trying and doing your best. This is what counts. And Allah knows best. But don't give up on it. You want them to learn was going
in the bathroom out of the bathroom in the house. I'll sit down together go over the laws. Everyone should know it. Everyone should be saying it my kids when they come down like did you
come in with your rifle? figured why can't
I wait for it? Because it's so important because I don't want to just the shutdown to come to speak in my house. I'm like, No, thank you. We have enough issues. We don't need you tonight. My arms ready. So it's important to understand all of these laws, everything that the person have taught us. And if you're telling me you have time, I'm telling you give up your excuses. If I can homeschool down Mashallah Monica. And I can take three or four classes a semester, and I can still go give lectures and talks and try to fundraise and do charity work. Yeah, no excuses sisters.
And same thing with the brothers. It's possible. No excuses. You just have to drive harder. You have to have goals, you have to dream, and you have to go for them. You know, when it comes to blue, now we have those, where's our holes in use for?
What's our goals and dreams for?
The process of a Muslim? But when this pleasure?
Yeah, that's pretty hard, right? Like, okay, we'll take another lower, sorry. Come on, we have to really think about it. We want to be with those who we love. And we have to start applying when we taught children.
So, Thomas Jefferson said, the happiest moments of my life have been the few which have passed that home in the bosom of my family. We want our kids to be happy in the home. We want them to be satisfied with us. Not again because of what we give them. But because of the love the nurturing, the you know, togetherness. I know. So many people Marcia botica law that their parents, they were a little hard and they went on them and taught them the dean
All of those who are older, they were thankful for those parents, the ones who gave them everything and dunya they curse their parents, they walked all over them and care about their parents. As a matter of fact, one guy neurosurgeons listen brother,
their surgeon, you know what he told his parents at the age of 40. You ruined my life. You've ruined my life. You told me to go study and become the best doctor and make $2 million a year now I have that. But for 40 years, I don't know how to pray. never read the Koran. I don't know a lot. What good is this gonna do if I would have died and not come to the top? I want to say hello to the law.
So think about which parent do we want to be? The parent that's going to give them everything? Because we feel sorry for the parent that's going to try to get them Jana. Jana is eternity. Dunya is very little time. Sometimes they it's hard, they don't get it but as they become mature, they'll understand they'll Thank you. I tell my kids if you don't understand why I do this. When you're like 30 then you're basically inshallah I might be dead make sure you have a lot to offer me. But if they don't get it eventually inshallah, because this is the stuff that's gonna last show up.
So now we talk about, you know, step number three is that the results of work you and your family first we talked about mash up about the four great moms were mentored by someone specific, that martial Bible is amazing. Yvonne Bahati
and his mother. His mother was a very righteous woman.
She prayed to care of her sons. And at a young age, Holly went blind. Miyagi, but yet she still believed in him, and she helped him memorize IDT memorize the Quran early, he memorized Hadeeth he was becoming a young age and all in one shot the Monica. And then, but she wanted him to see again, because with sight, sometimes there's so much more we could do, right? There's so she can make you want to do in the middle of the night Yala. Please give me a site back so that he may be used as your servants to do amazing things for years. They give him a sight back. And because of her righteousness because of her connectedness to Allah is our job. One night,
Ibrahima someone came in her dream. And he said, Today, a lot has to do with
your sidekick. And as she sees that, she's waking up in a normal heart is running in the room that in your mind, you say mom, I can see I can see the floor of a mother for a child is powerful. My dear sisters and brothers, the father for a child is powerful make to offer your kids wake up in the middle of the night and make waffle whatever issues they're having. You see them going on the wrong way. Then Allah Who is the one that can change everything, instantly, it's a law that I want to guide them to show them to make their image stronger. It's along the art was get accepted inshallah. But we also have to be obedient servants of Allah. We cannot be gossiping and backbiting and doing
the wrong thing. And then waking up to the hedges.
We have to change ourselves. We have to become the righteous. I mean, I say this all the time. When I say Who is your favorite child? What do most parents say?
No, no, no?
Okay, let's go back. If I say Who was your favorite job? Are you not gonna say the one that's most obedient to me?
Right? Parents if the child is more obedient, so you say, Have you been doing this? Okay, Mommy,
they're automatically even if you don't come for compromise, they have a special place number. Why do I say this? Listen carefully. Why I say this is because the one that's most obedient to the parent automatically. They have even if we tell them, we love them the same, that one automatically has a special place because they're obedient. But now why are we like to say to Allah, why are the ones were obedient, now more beloved by Allah? Because he gave us rules and regulations, right? And the law says that those who are most of those who are most righteous are the most beloved in the sight of Allah is this natural eye out of the crowd? So if we feel this way, the same thing, the
child who's the best in the classroom? Isn't that the teacher's favorite child? That's the teacher's pet. Right? The teacher loves them. That's obedient, smart, intelligent. So we have to become the beloved servants of a lot by being obedient to Him, staying away from the harem, going towards a holla. And once you start doing this, then the more we make blocks, you start to see the dwarf coming like this. I mean, I'm, I'm telling you, so power law, it's just amazing. We're going on an airplane myself and my son Omar, because we will
Going for a lecture. And our plane got delayed. So we missed our second flight, and we're ready and they said the next flight, there's no two seats together, one of you has to sit here one all the way in the back. And I was like, Well, I don't want to sit in the back. I want my son to be near me. But I'm sorry. It's just not possible. And I said, Okay, how's the walkway from the counter? Like, for a lot? It's possible, I want to make something or like,
do you remember what I did this for you? I really love you so much.
Can you please help us get Tuesday, kid you not get on the plane, he sits on his feet, I go to my seat. When the gate closed, the person sitting next to me didn't arrive on my Congress and won't come sit next to me. By the will of Allah, by the rule of the line. I'm not saying that, who I am a bad thing that was get accepted. We need to make more of them. And we need to keep doing more good deeds. When when you do a good deed, remember? And when you need to do I have to figure out what do you prefer? I really didn't want to go and talk to that lady, because she's really me. But I want because of you because I wanted to build friendship, and all because of you. So can you please help
me as if
you don't believe me a lot. This is, you know, something that's happened to pass them along? Because why would we do it for his sake only. It's different. We're not doing it for people are showing off. We're only in we push ourselves sometimes to do things we don't want to do. Like talk to people we don't like in our family, for the sake of
I'm going to call it either. So this first one is
like how are you?
I mean, I need doing it only for one reason. But do you see how because we do it for that reasons Marsha, Marsha Monica, in the shower in the future, you know, it just it comes back to
so very important. And then I want to share a really quick a story of Mr. Medina, Damien Allah, you know, and this is I think, for myself, it's, it's a dream is I love to see my kids more like this personally. But I, you know, it's a really amazing story. So this is a righteous family, raising their kids, you know, righteous mom worship about the righteous, rather, just an amazing family. One day, they're all going for a picnic. And so they asked him
to come to the picnic. And he said, Okay, I'll be coming. And he kind of ran off. And so they waited a little bit. He didn't come. So they left without him. They came back home and they thought, why didn't you go with him? What was wrong with you? And you know what he said? He said, he took her book in his hand, he said you did not benefit anything from your trip was I memorize this entire book in your absence? Because he was a scholar, the strong You know, a lot of Givens was added, like an early age of seven and eight, he was bringing people to Islam.
So I say this, that our laws are important, but more than anything, we have to correct ourselves. We have to work on ourselves, we have to change ourselves. We know Marcia, we hear the Hadith we hear from the Quran. But we needed to affect our hearts, we needed to help us change. It shouldn't go in one ear and out the other year. It shouldn't be that way. Another True Story, one day to my boys a bucket. And when they were younger, I like to say Omar was about five and a bucket I was about seven is about 20 months apart. And a walker came in and he made fun of something of Omar and Omar looked at the way the Mega naomasa lumada. Woe to those who walk Oh, yeah, you're gonna walk me. And like I
I didn't do that. It stopped him in his tracks. And I was another one, that they're using it to stop each other from saying the wrong things very quickly. And the more they memorize the meaning, the more they use it. They'll break it from the Quran of like, Oh, this and this and this, which is a good thing, because it shows application. So we need to get there's really dusty books.
And I forgot the website and you can Google it. vinita still works for kids. Really easy explanation. You should buy it and teach your children read it with them daily. So they memorize the meanings, the meanings of all these beautiful sooner, so they can apply in their lives and investment them in books. Get them the best books, you know, not getting them Harry Potter.
And just like Muslims reading Harry Potter.
Garbage is like reading Shakespeare out loud is trash. And literally, YouTube, we think witchcraft is how magic is and then we turned our kids here.
No, doesn't work like that. Get them books that are gonna bring them closer to righteousness to the right way. I mean, I had this argument recently with a literature teacher. She was sitting with me on the plane and she was he asked our literature so rich. And so this is and I said your literature is garbage. It's trash. And she goes, Well, what do you mean? I said what you call literature.
I call garbage. I said, a ninth grade when I was 14, you taught me folk literature, how to come in the know how to disobey my parents how to commit suicide, by teaching me Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet. Let me tell you the lesson I learned from your literature from Hamlet, I learned, and I want to touch on, all of that is like, you know, Kate, your mom goes, and does this with this, and then you kill your mother. And then you do this. And then the sister goes crazy. Just like, what are you teaching us? So you call it literature? No, literature is the field nectar. literature is the biography of a
great comedy fan.
That literature is different
from their lives, you learn manners and morals and character and behavior, how to be the best you from this, you learn what exactly we're not supposed to be doing.
But just think about it. And it's important that even if your kids aren't public school, that during, you know, when it's these times, your kids are able to tell their teachers, I don't want to go, can I have an alternative to something different? And the teachers most likely say, Yes, I get to meet teachers, I know, you have to, if you let the teachers know, you get the principal involved. You don't have your kids don't have to read garbage. Very important. As a young Tango, we are aware of what our kids are reading and learning from, because that's the kind of garbage that goes into their head. And then a lot of that that's what they want apply, because that's all they know. You
know, and I recently when I was in Singapore, Singapore, Russia radical idea how to use cost and was no parents, all the parents are like that. It was just me and the youth, and is a great cost all he jobbies mahadji. And at the end of the class, one of the young girls came out and said, I have a question. And she's
13. And she was is it? How long to have a boyfriend? Is it really how?
And I'm looking at her with a little Justin Bieber binder.
You see, yeah.
I mean, literally just through conversation, and she started crying. Because it wasn't explained properly to her. She didn't understand it. You know, we just don't throw this around. And we need to sit with them and explain why we need to give them more information, we need to answer their questions. So this way, again, they're connecting to our lawn, they know why not to do it. And I always tell my kids, don't be afraid of me.
I'm over 60 Dr. Honey was gone. My time is running out every day. I'm running out. Be afraid of Allah. He's always watching you. Angels are always writing. If you can hide whatever you want from me. I don't
know what your answers are going to be to him on the day of judgment in the grave.
It's kind of dangerous if you don't focus on that. Alright, so with that being said, What time do we have? Yeah, sounds about.
I'm going to take some questions that some of you guys have questions. And we do have also some books you wanted to buy some books for. And I did read through my own books, as well as I think there's a couple of my kids books that their authors have. And so we'll do a book signing after if you want, but we can open the floor for questions.
Salam aleikum. Um, I noticed one of the themes of your I guess popular lecture was about the idea of protecting one's children from the harmful influences of society. And I feel like that, although that is certainly something that one needs to do, I mean, just turn on MTV, and you'll see what sort of moral decay is prevalent in society. I feel like at times, one can kind of overburden or be overbearing with religion. I know I personally didn't grow up in a Muslim household. I was a Catholic. And I really hated being dragged to church every Sunday. It was awful for me, and I feel like that drove me away from religion or that it brought me there. I feel if I was just given the
freedom to look at the religion, I guess, independently and critically and approach God at my own pace. I would have come to religion way sooner than I did when I was in college. So my question for you is, do you feel like I guess it's possible to raise Muslim children with a more I guess? Hands off approach right?
Not hands off. But don't just overload them with religion. don't overload them with graciousness, but let them take religion at their own pace, or do you think that's something that will lead them astray? Beautiful question.
I definitely think that you there has to be a balance. Number one, I homeschool. So my kids are exposed to all religions. So they get to be exposed to the Christianity, to Catholicism to Buddhism, to Hinduism, I want them to be aware of everything, because it's important. First of all, they know what's around them and all the other choices, why do they believe in what they believe in, you know, this is number one, we have to give them knowledge and exclude them. Number two, when I say keep them away from the heart, it doesn't mean not to expose them. So we're, you know, we don't, you know, obviously drinking alcohol, my daughter at the age of seven story, the series called things
that we kicked, you know, and her first three in her series was alcohol, smoking and drugs. And she had to research a chance to watch videos and to interview people before she could write her books. So what I'm seeing is, they have to definitely be exposed to the horns of society, they have to understand it, they have to know what exists. And but yet at the same time, it's guiding them to be strong enough to be able to say, That's not for me and show when the time comes right. As far as you know, again, going into it's not overburdening them, it's teaching them the religion, and letting them like, okay, for example, memorizing the Quran, they all have their own pace, if they want to
memorize and if they don't, it's not you don't force it upon them the job, our oldest started five or six years old Washington bicycle. But if she took it off, I wouldn't be angry. I said, I did my best to teach you. Now it's between you and Allah. So our responsibility is to teach them and to guide them. But if they're going through a test, then we have to also stand back and let them grow from it. So you know, that's why I said, if your child drank alcohol and came to you, although it's hot, we have to take it in. And we have to figure out how to help them, not just, you know, go crazy, because they've done something that's a sin. Does that make sense? So it's really coming back
down to having relationships with them, and exposing them but at the same time,
again, protecting them in the sense of like, not wasting their time, on things that are of no benefit right now. Because they're not old enough to make good decisions, yet. They're still growing, they're not mature enough. When they become mature, then it's between them and a lot of things they commit, there's nothing we can do our goal is to try to do the best to raise it the right way.
You know, make some
room for coming into the religion.
Um, do you think homeschooling would be a good idea for all children? Or?
Very good question. homeschooling is extremely tough. I don't think everyone can do it. I'll be honest with you. It's, you know, it would be great if we could do a lot of things all of us like pray five times a day. But sometimes that's not even possible. So I think homeschooling is the best option. However, do I think everyone can do it now? Number one, do I think sometimes there's responsibility that families like, that takes a single mom, she really likes it, but she has to work? She can't. So it was a great option, you have to have the ability, the time, sometimes even we spend a lot of money on homeschooling, sometimes the money for it, you know, and really, the parent
has to devote themselves, this is a big thing. It's about the mom saying, I want to do this show, I want to devote myself and that's hard for a lot of moms. Because, you know, getting them out of the house from like, 73 is I
use that when they need the break. Mentally, it's hard. But I do I think it's a great option. But I you need a lot of patience. There's not a day that goes by that I don't go to one of my surgeries like begging for patience. Because, you know, I'll give you a sample day of my house, right? So I will block out as much as I love and a half. And he's got his shirt on and it's a brand new shirt. And you know, he's doing karate games and, and looking at a string. I'm like, is that a hole in your shirt of a walker? He's like,
is a whole industry and I'm not talking about poke. I'm talking about dig a hole and it's brand new shirt. And I'm like, Did you take a scissor and just make a hole in your shirt? He's like, No.
Did you take a knife? And
he said, No. Make Did you take a pencil and poke it so much that you said, I don't know.
So as I'm looking at him and trying to solve this problem, I've got it the three and a half year old in the other room. She's putting lotion on and she spills it all over the carpet. And I'm like, Oh yes, please go get the carpet cleaner. Looking at the carpet green. Yeah, don't be and so always like okay, Mama, she's the bathroom. So I'm going to get the carpet cleaner and nobody's got
The entire table will
be, which one do I do first in my teaching the more minor cleaner today, I just felt like a janitor, cuz I'm clean for one thing. And by the time I come up there, I was already back on the computer doing his homework, I'm just like, please go change your shirt. Please don't rip your shirts. They're not for ripping. Therefore wearing, we don't bite them, we don't hold them down, please learn to take care of your clothes. So it can be very hard. And but that doesn't mean it can't be done. It can actually be done. You know, it's just a matter of you need a lot of patience, you really have to be motivated. It's like going to college, you know, some people are motivated to go
and some people aren't. And so not everyone goes, right. Same thing. Yeah.
So why did you decide to go ahead and homeschool your kids instead of going in sending them to public school? Because you can't teach them to go and not do the wrong things? Yes, yes. Very good question. Because when I studied the biographies of the greatest people that exists in Washington, Oregon small, they all were somehow homeschooled. Either they had the most amazing teachers in their own home that their parents paid for, or their moms would go and sacrifice their entire life and money to get them like the most amazing teachers because of that righteousness, that time via the clock and the knowledge. While it's true, they could definitely go and they could say no, and they
can be strong. I want it to get the alarm higher, I want to be able to say, although I could make $120,000 using my MBA, I'm not going to I'm going to sacrifice that and give my children the best child, I didn't want my kids to come home at 18 cursing at me, or yelling at me or being disrespectful, saying whatever I wanted my kids to come and having respect and honor and appreciating and how and I didn't think because I went to public schools, I didn't think it was possible public schools. So I took the harder challenge and said
you know, my shot the lights along biggest come a long ways because all your 15 year olds and your second year of university of luck, and we'll be done next year at 13 mashatu botica law so there are graduating high school by 13. And they're studying their first degree in Islamic Studies. And then after that, most of them like all your wants to go into human trafficking. She wants to do criminology in child psychology and work with the FBI. So they're starting to get their careers together what they want and their confidence with who they are, you know so much about the markets coming together. But it takes a lot of work. I'm not gonna say it's easy, you know?
Yeah, I decided to do the harder route.
For the higher price you know, everything has a price and I'm trying to like subsidy inshallah.
Well, the brothers are like, forget you guys. So woman thing, talk to the woman on the low, we're just gonna come home, eat our dinner. The kids do it again.
The kids doing that they go off to them. Did you hear?
Okay, beautiful question. What role does my husband play? Number one, my husband actually here. He is my mom. So he does travel with me for events and stuff. He's an engineer. And really the role that I left for him is he goes out to work. So he leaves the house because he's uh, we're about an hour away from his job. So he leaves the house right with like Roger time, five o'clock, and he doesn't return till about 536 in the evening. I don't give him another role because by the time he comes back, he goes with us to we dinner then we go to Taekwondo. We pray a lot. And usually whatever else we need help with anything he's there. But really the homeschool everything else was
not for him. It's not but housework martial art or anything. If the garbage needs to be taken out, we need to get something painted the weekend. He's doing all the stuff that needs to get done, you know, cars getting fixed whatever else when he does all that stuff. He's very supportive and he helps so if I need his help in his home, he's supportive he'll do it most likely, but because of his responsibilities to his job, and you know to the masjid and doing other stuff sometimes community work I don't put a lot on him as that being you know, the big thing for him is he needs to make sure we're getting fed every day ready and will to keep progressing and not miss his job inshallah or
insanity I should say yes.
to Sunday schools. Yes. I think Sunday schools is a great concept Masha Baraka but it needs to be way more involvement, way more involvement from the parent side. So one of that I actually had a lecture, instilling education phobia, HELOC and mothers and kids and I say Sunday school is like a cop out for some parents. They just kind of drop them off and run out and they pray they learn everything. It shouldn't be that way. I think the parents have to get more involved and you know, stick with them, do the homework, explain and apply what they learn at Sunday school. That's the only thing you guys have. Let's say you don't have homeschool but you have some. Whatever knowledge
your kids get on Sunday school, work on
Apply with them, teach them until next week, they get their next lesson. So it might not be a lot, but it'll make a big difference over time. You know, when you put a drop out a time, eventually the bucket fills up the same thing. So just keep applying whatever knowledge they're getting. You know, that's the big thing we have. We're notorious for learning and not applying, we need to be notorious for learning and applying, Mashallah.
What advice would you give to young girls? I like you guys. Some of you will soon be teen teenagers are already are, what advice would you give them when it comes to marriage and education?
One of the things that's going on nowadays that's been kind of
I should say, it's really that trend right now is everyone's saying, I don't want to get married right now. I just want to get my education. I wanna get everything out of the way that I'll get married. So a lot of the sisters are doing this. And
there's a time period for what for marriage. Literally, you missed your time period, after like a certain age, it becomes very hard. And it's also I personally got married at 19. And I went through college and all that was easy. Now a handler was capable, and we did it. But my sister who was the younger one, she didn't want to go back. So she waited. She finished Law School, mashatu botica law and all that, and she was 30.
She had suitors at 25 who are doctors and lawyers and everything. 30 she had divorcees. Yeah, 50 year old suitors change. You're not going to get the same kind of the good guys call them early. They don't wait till the late. That's their second round. They're coming, inshallah. She ended up marrying exactly what she says she's not going to marriage. Like I'm not gonna marry someone who's bald, who short and who's not educated.
Or someone who's bald, he was sure he is.
But he's a great brother masaka. monocle. I love him to death. And he is now educated. She helped him go through schools and all that. And he was divorced, he had two kids. So it was a different thing. She waited. But the other thing is waiting too long. Your area of child children bearing it's very difficult, very difficult. I mean, for all of us, you know, who are in our late 30s or early 40s. Can you imagine having kids now who for us who have kids in our 20s it's like
I told you this morning, I told my husband, I couldn't imagine starting having children now. Like, you're so much more tired, you don't have the energy and the time. So what happens is usually the people who marry later they have one kid if that if a lie even gives them that they start 1000s on in vitro indoctrination, and even that sometimes they don't have any kids. So you kind of have to think how do I balance that? You know, don't get too picky? Don't get too thing. Know that there is a limit. I mean, at 22 Mashallah, you get your bachelor's? It's okay. You can get a Masters while you're married. No big deal. Give your children to your mom, the mom
by 20 what they're gonna have to take care of the kids. And like now you can afford a daddy inshallah. I don't want to be there. They're like, you're gonna homeschool them all. No, no moving to New Zealand.
So it's very important to to for all the young girls to it's not that you can't get educated can't have that. But just don't go overboard because you might miss that boat and then it's really hard and I know a lot of sisters might not they are beautiful, Mashallah. They have nice fingers. They got education, but there's no brothers and the brothers that are coming in their 50s and
either they didn't get married or their second wives. So I'm just letting you know what exists in the real world. Always keep your options open for everything. Yes.
All parents like God was that my kids?
My kids trying to get home school. Tell her No.
Personally, my personal opinion is homeschooling is the best decision. That's my personal opinion. Have you seen because I've seen the results of it doesn't matter if you're Muslim or not. I've seen Christians who homeschool and their kids have such a good time via clock and mountains and they're intelligent and they're educated and they know how to you know have a successful life and I've seen Muslims more Shaka Monica. So my personal opinion is yes. But whether the families together and try to figure out how to do it. That's a whole different thing. But you remember what we said you can always make a start up up in your juice with your brain make no I never know allow my find someone
to take you into home school you in the community or something and your moms don't have to do it.
So make the law keepass never underestimate the power of life
if it's okay with the system
So in five minutes we shall start prayer.
We get five minutes for people who eat they need to make
observation shallow. If you have time so we could still continue with the question for the sisters they want
to make do I take away time for a beer
we have the cast shadow on
the back of our head.