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The first question that has come on the WhatsApp
which had been selected by my group.
First question is from brother use of Shahab Ghana. What are the basic guidelines in slam for choosing a spouse?
a similar question is asked
by najiba Afghanistan.
I am a 16 year old girl.
How can we love someone in an Islamic way before marriage?
And a similar question asked by Abdullah Mohsen, from Dubai UAE. If it is not too personal can we know how did you select a life partner?
The first question posed by the brother that what are the guidelines regarding choosing
a life partner or a spouse in Islam
our beloved prophet masala Salaam said it mentioned say Buhari
was number seven Hadith number 5090. As well as in SAY Muslim Mali number four heartbeat number 3635. It is a mother[???]er like it Saudi President Buhari as well as inside Muslim.
It's mentioned Abu huraira May Allah be pleased with him narrated
that the Prophet peace be upon said that women
are chosen in marriage for four things.
the lineage of nobility, beauty, and religion, choose the for the religion.
You're in this Hadith, our beloved prophet faith that women in marriage are chosen for four things,
wealth, lineage, nobility, third is beauty. And fourth is religion. And the best is religion that must choose the woman who is religious.
Here we come to know that the maximum important that should be given is to the religion. Because all the earlier three criteria which people normally look for in marriage is limited, and many for this dunya.
For example, wealth, wealth is something which can maybe get to some luxury in this world, but may not be beneficial in that era, as the Beloved Prophet said, it is more difficult for a rich man to regenerate than a poor man. But it's not haram to have wealth. But it is not the major criteria to look for. The second is lineage looking at the lineage and the family, it's good, but that is not the main It is mainly for this dunya you may feel coming from a very good family from normal family. The third criteria is beauty, which is again limited only to this world. Beauty is something which you may get tired of in few days, a few weeks or a year.
The best and everlasting mainly for the dunya is religion. It is the deen
and if I was to pay any weightage in choosing this is my own opinion, that if a boy was to choose a girl, 90 to 95% should be for the dean for the religion, because that will get him akshara as well as the dunya.
Yes, as far as the wealth is concerned, if a boy wants to marry a girl, then what youth is the wealth of the girl, that boy, a good boy who has his own self respect, but he would not like to live on the money of the woman of the wife. So irrespective whether the girl is rich or poor, what difference will it make him and even if he's going to use that is only for this dunya the lineage may or may not help. That will not really count much. The beauty, as I said is subjective. As long as the wife is not repulsive, so maybe you can give about three or four points, or three or 4% weightage to the booty as long as she's not repulsive, the D is the maximum 90 to 95% of the
weightage should be given to the deal. If it's a boy choosing a girl, if a girl is choosing a boy, then wealth may carry certain weight because if the girl is used to having certain comfort in life, but natural, she cannot marry a boy who's living on the street. So if it's a girl marrying a boy, then the wealth may have certain weightage maybe, maybe about 10% marks
the lineage maybe 1% and the
handsomeness of the boy, as long as he's not repulsive,
but natural because you want to live with the spouse for the full life. You should be satisfied. But mentally if you make up your mind, you know if you really it's all in your mind. Any girl can see
To be beautiful, it's in your mind. So the handsomeness or the beauty carries a smaller percentage. So for the man the religion I would say would carry 90 95% marks. And for the woman ratio looking for a spouse maybe would carry approximately 85% marks the religion the D, which is the most important anyway this percentage is from my side it is not from that the very clear that the most important is the religion that said, This is my percentage regarding the second question
posed by the sister that can we have an Islamic love before marriage
regarding the love before marriage that we have nowadays in the modern society, in the Western society, but natural it is haram there is no LBW LBW in the cricket you have like before we could LBW is love before wedding. So the way we have in the Western culture, where the girlfriend boyfriend and they want to test each other, they go out to a park, and they go out for a movie, they sit in the last bench of the theater, or they want to enjoy the go for dinner, and they talk and they may go to hotel and sleep overnight. All these things is haram in Islam. Yes, you can while selecting a life partner have interviewed along with a mirror. If a boy would look at a girl then
maybe the boy sister is there, or the girl's father is there, along with the mme but natural you can ask questions you can interview for few minutes or half an hour for one hour, there is no limit you can have one meeting to meeting no problem to understand, because you want to spend the full life with the girl and the girl with the boy but going out alone and being in seclusion. You know the shaitan is there The Prophet said that if there are two Nam Aram alone, the third person is the devil.
So in Islam, we say yes, we can interview but the love before marriage what we have, in the normal sense in the Western world, it is prohibited islamically Yes, you can have. For example, you may know, the girl may know of a boy who's Islamic, who's very religious. Well, hi taqwa pray five times Allah in the malls. And if they
the girl may want to have a good life partner. So islamically what she does is that she proposes to
the boy who she thinks is religious, through her father, or through a brother, or the parents of the girl go and meet the parents of the boy and the Islamic way it possible. This sort of love because you like the religious values and the deen in the boy, it is permissible islamically if you go ahead following the rules and regulation, not breaking the Sharia it is possible in this way flown to call it love before marriage because you like the religious aspects in the boy or the boy lives religious aspects in a girl in this way, not breaking any rules of the Islamic Sharia then you can call it a sort of love before marriage Islamic Lee but sacred that don't break any of the rules of the Sharia
aside, the third question posed to me is that if it's not too personal, there was I would like to know that how did I select my life partner.
And as many of you may be aware that I met Sheikh Ahmed deedat in 1987, the first time when I was 22 years old, I was impressed by him. And that's how I got involved in the field of Dawa and my life became more Islamic previously with an average Muslim praying five times a day fasting and doing what normal Muslim should do, but the DA came into my life after a metric empathy that and once I started doing Dawa and malice, I realized that I was good in debating are good and convincing. So I thought at first choosing a life partner for me inshallah, inshallah, no problem any girl I marry, I will be able to convince them maybe in a few weeks, or a few months or no problem the girl I'd have
to convince This was in the initial stages when I was a no Weiss, when I didn't have much knowledge. But national later on As the years passed, I realized that very important, reading the Hadith of the Prophet, and knowing that aspects of Islam that choosing a life partner is very important. And at that time, I thought that the right age for a Muslim boy to get married is 25. That was my idea that time. Now also now maybe a little bit earlier.
So at that time, I thought that 25 years is the best time for a person to get married when he finishes his graduation, and he can marry and a date of 25 when I started to look for a girl
and realizing having more knowledge of the deen reading the Hadith and the Quranic verses. My criteria was based on the Hadith of the profit muscle of celebrities and Bukhari and Muslim that
while choosing a girl you look for four things.
First is the wealth. Second is the linear durability.
The third is the beauty. Fourth is the dean. And the best is the dean, you should choose a girl for them. And this heartbeat was ingrained in my mind and decided I want to marry a girl who is as religious as possible, more religious than me.
That was my aim to get a girl who was in the field of Dawa, and religious. So I told my sister that look out for a girl. And only criteria number one is Dean regarding wealth, the poor, she's better for me, because I don't want to be with any of her wealth. lineated doesn't matter. And beauty, she should not be repulsive. That was my requirement. And with this requirement, I told my sister that she should find from your life partner. And believe me, for two years, she hunted and she may have searched
many girls, and unfortunately, not a single one
did she pass Not a single of the girl who she thought
and who she interviewed, ever passed even the Williams
later on, reconfirmation that there is a Muslim, a Muslim girl in a neighboring city Puna, which is 160 kilometer from Bombay where I lived. And we came through the she was the head the president of a lady's Islamic dove organization.
And I went along with my sister and my mother, and I went to Puna. I traveled all the way. I drove for a few hours. And I went to Pune. And that's how the first time I met
And that time, she wasn't aware. And we met her. And he spoke to us spoke to a mother, my mother was there. And my sister was there, her mother was there she was there. And later on when we went back, then we sent the proposal, and then we had the formal meeting. So first was in the formal meeting just we went and we met through one of our common friends. And when we had the formal meeting we had for a few hours. And Alhamdulillah she was the first girl
I met. Or I interviewed or interacted
to be a good be wife and Lila, the first was the best. And Allah blessed me Mashallah, with a wonderful wife, and a humble I consider it to be one of the best gifts that Allah has given me. Besides the man that Allah has given me, the best gift that Allah gave me is my wife. And she was from buena.
And in the first interview itself, it was nearly fine. Like, then we had another meeting. My basic criteria was that she should be religious, and she should be a die. These were the two criteria religious and die. And I could not find a girl better than her at that time. already more than 27 years past for our marriage. At that time, I could not find anyone better at my knowledge. And Alhamdulillah this was the only criteria the remaining was not at all important. But vanilla even though I wasn't looking for beauty, my Salah Allah model give me a bit of advice. And as I said, the beauty is in your mind. And hamdulillah and many people used to ask me that now you're giving so
many hours for the hour, maybe you know, about 910 hours for the hour. Once you get married, you'll have to give time to your wife. How will you be able to manage both? So one of the reasons that I married a girl who is the daiya so that it's a Venn diagram, most of our time would overlap. So when I gave approximately five hours to in a day, maybe three as we're discussing now
and then we started an Islamic organization ladies we in organized Islam with a foundation The moment you got married first thing we did was started a lady's week and she was the president of the ladies wing slum Research Foundation. So my main criteria was only the and our and but natural in the interview the question asked was based on about what is the concept of orbits of life and other things. So basically these two are the criteria Allah blessed me and the best blessing
for a day is to have a righteous and supporting life partner for die the wife can make the life of a die hell
and many dies do a very good dies but after marriage, the Dow has been ruined because of the spouse. Allah has blessed me Masha Allah, and I consider my wife to be the best wife in the world. That's what I consider Alhamdulillah and I thank Allah for giving me a spouse with
raychev and because of her after marriage, my Dawa increased multiple times and kept on increasing more and more to the level. Now Alhamdulillah Allah blessed me, and
therefore choosing a life partner very important. And as the Prophet said, look for a life partner whose religious look for Deen in her. The other criteria are not at all important. Most important is religious and virtuous. hope this answered the question