Fiqh Of Love Episode #14 The Guardian

Muhammad Salah


Channel: Muhammad Salah

File Size: 24.74MB

Share Page
AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Therefore, no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

AI Generated Transcript ©

00:00:32--> 00:01:04

Salam Alaikum salam. My name is John Fontana. Welcome back to another episode of the thick of love. We're here joined today with us by the pool I should say we have Dr. Mohamed salah. Salloway come share why they come sit down rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh How are you doing? Alhamdulillah Good. How are you doing now? hamdulillah Allah. It's been a very exciting few episodes Subhanallah we, in the last episode, we were speaking about who it is permissible to marry and not permissible to marry. Yeah, and also inventions.

00:01:05--> 00:01:44

And the provisions Yeah, of course the Prevention's as well as you know, who you wouldn't be able to marry. But also today, I wanted to ask you because we touched upon it towards the last part of the last episode, which was we're speaking about the Wali, The Guardian guardian in particular. And I wanted to ask you some of the wisdoms behind having a guardian and Smilla Rahmanir Rahim Al hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala Anna, we almost have our back. I think you would agree with me, as well as the viewers will find out that by nature, women are more emotional than men. Correct? No comment?

00:01:46--> 00:01:48

correct or no comment?

00:01:50--> 00:02:25

So they are the sweet part. Yeah. So basically, when a man wants to get married, he is considering a lot of things, especially in Islam, because he's the one who shoulder in all the financial responsibility, the dowry, the house, the maintenance, support in the family, financially, and all of that a woman is not actually required to do any of the above. So his considerations, not only because she is pretty poor, because she is young, or because

00:02:26--> 00:02:41

he likes her. There are many, many things that will go on in the mind of the person, before actually taking that serious step, and proposing to her guardian, or asking for her hand. While

00:02:42--> 00:03:30

by nature, again, if a woman sees a nice man who's speaking very sweet to her, and he's promising a lot of things, even if they're not true, she will fall in love with him, most likely. So that's why there comes the role of the Guardian, in order to step in, and to be free from the emotional part that the woman is experiencing, and to do his homework, investigating, searching the background of the person, and of the family. He's the one who's going to jump around and go to the neighborhood, go to his work, and inquire about him find out from his own sources, about the true nature of this person who's going to be his son in law, who's going to marry his daughter or the girl under his

00:03:30--> 00:04:13

guardianship. It's a big responsibility. So simply, it's something it's an advantage for him. And she doesn't have to worry about that part. It is the responsibility of the eye. It is the responsibility of the Willie, or the guardian. You know, it's interesting, it's important that we see in that way, that is, it's actually a privilege of a woman, you know, to have a guardian, you know, that the Father who loves her, you know, he has more experience. He's a lot older, he's he's experienced many more things in life. He can he can kind of weigh up who a man is just by looking at him almost. I have a friend of mine, who owns a company and one of his employees. He hooked up with

00:04:13--> 00:04:35

his girl with his daughter. And he showed her you know, very nice face. And he made some remarks how much he appreciates her how much he likes her and she's the most beautiful woman on earth. And the girl fell in love with him accordingly because he's sweet to her. Okay.

00:04:36--> 00:04:53

The father was talking to me that I don't feel good about this guy. Is it look, Muhammad I don't mind giving my daughter of image to somebody who's poor, but my inner thing. I feel that this guy isn't the right person. And he's bluffing.

00:04:54--> 00:04:59

So Subhanallah he caught him on camera stealing support. Otherwise, there was no

00:05:00--> 00:05:07

No way to convince his daughter that this guy is after your money. So your dad's money

00:05:08--> 00:05:21

is not after you. Okay, so this is one incident. So the guy would set aside the emotions. And also it's not only before the wedding. Also, during the process of the wedding,

00:05:23--> 00:05:24

a person

00:05:25--> 00:06:08

may convince his future wife or the bride, you know, since I don't have the money now, I promise you once I have the money, I will pay you the dowry. I will take you to Spain and I will take you to Niagara Falls and an ad. Hey, Habibi, we need to record that writing. Who would dare to secure those rights other than the guardian? So how much can you afford to pay now that much, and the deferred amount, write down a check, because there's going to be a debt. Okay. And this money will go to the bride, not to her father, nor to the husband, that will become her position. This is just one thing. Yeah. Many other commitments, the stipulation of the conditions, which we spoke about it before,

00:06:09--> 00:06:53

okay, whether she needs to continue her education, whether she's going to be working or not all of that, who's going to secure those rights? If that woman fell in love with the guy, and he says everything? Yes. Okay, no problem, whatever you want to, then after they get married, he loves her. And everything evaporates all the conditions only Hollis use? You mentioned this a few episodes back where you know, when someone has that true deep love, they're blinded, and they're deaf and Bjarnason are your son. Yeah, and the man or the Guardian, you know, he can look at it from an outside perspective, you know, he can analyze it from a logical defense, it does he does. His role

00:06:53--> 00:07:09

is not over by handing over the bride or his daughter or his sister to the groom and say, enjoy it. Now we did we did start to touch upon this in the last episode, but we didn't get a chance to finish it. But sometimes,

00:07:10--> 00:07:24

the guardian can be stubborn. Yeah. And and you know, as much as they may love their daughter, etc. Sometimes they're over protective. And there's no one good enough for their daughter. So what can

00:07:25--> 00:08:08

we woman during this situation, when her guardian has been over protective, and literally, they've turned down three, or four or five proposals? Sure, this concept is all out, I'll be more than happy to address it. But before I get into it, I'd like to bring to our attention that the role of the Guardian is not over once he hands over the girl under his guardianship, to her husband, and that's it, and they close the door. And so over throughout their marriage life, there are ups and downs, especially in the first month. And the whole year, as a matter of fact, but more specifically in the first month because two people never been together before. They may they have different habits,

00:08:08--> 00:08:56

different practices, different traditions. So there will have lot of problems. So because the woman is, by nature, more emotional, she may demand divorce, she may call her dad and mom say come and pick me up, I cannot live with him. The wisdom of the Guardian, I was talking about a wise guardian, he is going to handle the situation wisely. A foolish one, or somebody who's not responsible, will say you don't know who is she, and Whose daughter is she. Or if it is the mother who's handling the case, he she would ask her daughter to come home immediately or we'll go and pick her up. And they will even be the husband and things of this nature. But we're talking about a horse, Willie, he was

00:08:56--> 00:09:38

certain criterions with certain qualities. He's a wise man, he's grown up that's why he must be adult. Now a child. Now somebody under the age of puberty, somebody with experience. So now to come to your question about a lot. You're saying such sweet things about the Guardian and his responsibilities and that's why Allah appointed him as in a charge for the family and and those who are under his guardianship. But what if he's not up to the responsibility? And that happens a lot. Somebody who doesn't want to give his daughter in marriage to somebody who is religious. Why because he himself is not religious. He drinks

00:09:39--> 00:09:59

he doesn't pray. And mashallah John is wearing beard and he's a person who prays on a regular basis. And he goes on he proposed to his daughter says we don't have any women for marriage. Get out. Why he didn't even consult his daughter. Why? Because he doesn't want anyone religious in the house. And

00:10:00--> 00:10:06

That is cool. He's preventing his daughter from marrying the right person? Or who could be the right person?

00:10:07--> 00:10:23

Does it mean that Allah Almighty given the right to be a dictator? Of course not. No one can say that the Almighty Allah is the most fair He's allowed. So what is it? If a person abuses his role, he loses it.

00:10:24--> 00:11:15

If the Guardian misuses the power of authority that Allah gave him, then he loses it, Jani. So who gets that responsibility after the Guardians in order is the father of the woman? And if he's not there, does she have a grandfather, then he's number two in order. Well, father and grandfather are dead, or they're non Muslims. So the son, women who are married the son, and then their sons grew up, and now she's a widow or divorced and she wants to get married her son can give her in marriage as a really. So it's also always the male guardian guardian. Because what we find is the salaallah selama says, lead to those on Maratona. EFSA Allah to those on marathon Mara, a woman should not

00:11:15--> 00:12:00

give herself above a marriage, nor should she give another woman in marriage. See, this is this is important because I've actually witnessed this a lot, especially in the West, where maybe the father has passed away, or the mothers as divorced the Father. So the Guardian is not around. And then the mother of the bride will will step in to be the guardian. Is this permissible? No, there is an order no one can escape it even if the couple have separated, not because they're separated, the mother will just keep the older and will give her daughter in marriage or even ask her brother who will be the girls maternal uncle to give her in marriage know, the father is there and he fulfilled the

00:12:00--> 00:12:29

condition. He is a Muslim wise practicing person Alhamdulillah and he is not more than some people just say no for the sake of saying no, they want to hurt you know, because they're separated okay, I'm not giving your daughter in marriage. She's also your daughter are you out of your mind? But you know, stubbornness. So if the person is abusing this power of authority, it will be withdrawn from him to be given to the next in order then the brother

00:12:30--> 00:12:52

Okay, yeah, if we don't have any of those any of the above then we look for the judge will look for the governor will look for the Imam of the masjid if we live in a non Muslim community so the Imam of the Islamic center can play the role. Okay, we're just going to take a short break and I want to revisit that point. After the break inshallah. Stay tuned, and we will be back straight after the break.

00:13:08--> 00:13:14

Salam Alaikum salam Welcome back to the thick of love. My name is John Fontaine and we're here with Dr. Muhammad Salah salaam aleikum

00:13:15--> 00:13:41

wa rahmatullah wa barakato. Sheikh, we've been discussing the role of the guardian. And also Subhanallah, when the Guardian is we were just mentioning just before the break, because sometimes it's quite common, especially in what I've witnessed in the West, where sometimes there's no reason for The Guardian not to accept or even entertain a proposal. So I just want to revisit that.

00:13:43--> 00:13:48

And as I said, What you you mentioned that, if he doesn't, you know,

00:13:50--> 00:14:31

if he doesn't fulfill it, then it would, it doesn't show the his responsibilities, then we're skipping to the next one older. Yeah. If there is no next and all of the whole family is messed up that happens, you know, especially in the West, you can find things of that nature. So then you the father says, No, and the brother says, No, and the son says, no, why? Because they don't want this guy because he looks religious. So when you mentioned that, you'd now start to look for a judge. Or if using the West, you look for the local Imam, maybe or someone trustworthy. This is what the, you know, the right order of fact, says, so I'll call the Muslim, the Muslim judge. We don't have a

00:14:31--> 00:14:57

Muslim judge. You cannot just go to the court and say, Your Honor, I want you to give me off in marriage too. He doesn't have time for that. So if if we have in the Muslim community, the imam who is really up to the responsibility of not just leading the prayer, and giving some talks here and there, but also looking after the entire community, so God can go to him and say, shake

00:14:58--> 00:14:59

or chef

00:15:00--> 00:15:02

You know, I like this guy, but I don't know how to tell him.

00:15:03--> 00:15:22

You know, it would be so beautiful for the men to feel that he's like a father, for the community. So with communicate on her behalf to that person, and would also do his homework as a guardian to investigate and look for the background of, you know, of that person to decide whether he's fit or not.

00:15:23--> 00:16:05

The father is running a gas station is selling liquor and beer. And anyone who comes from he doesn't want anyone to tell him that halal and haram, you're gonna give me headache. So that's why anyone who's good, proposes to his daughter said, no, no, no, no, and kick them out before they would even step in. I've seen things like that. So what about the Imam? He's authoritative? He's been given this authority. You know what I have many sisters reverts, who had been my students for a while. And then they asked me to be the guardian. And I only have one condition. Number one, because they don't have a Muslim family member to look after them. And one of the conditions of the guardianship is

00:16:05--> 00:16:21

Islam. Okay. Allah says, What is Allah Allah caphyon al Mina sebelah. See this, I wanted to ask you about this, because there's many reverse to Islam sisters, and they have like Krisztian, fathers or atheist fathers.

00:16:22--> 00:16:44

We said before the Guardian is supposed to look for the best interest of the girl who's under his guardianship. So do you think that a non Muslim Guardian would like John to marry his daughter, or to like a person who is Muslim and practicing Muslim to marry his daughter, he may or may be someone who he was.

00:16:47--> 00:17:10

We need a person who looked for the best interest of the girl or the woman. So I Islamic I have a condition really, whenever some sister asked me for that, I say, when one condition I have to function as a full guardian. So if if you find a guy whom you want to marry, and I, I try to

00:17:11--> 00:17:37

check out his background, and I find that is not fit. Even if you like him, I would say no, not out what because before Allah subhanaw taala, you laid a huge responsibility on my shoulders. For instance, once one of my students wanted to marry a girl whom she got to know, online, and she said, he's a practicing Muslim, and so on. And she's a river. So when he came to meet me, and that was in the UK,

00:17:39--> 00:17:44

I asked him, What does he do for a living? He said, Nothing he doesn't want.

00:17:45--> 00:18:17

Then I asked him, why not? Do you know what kind of degree we have? He didn't even finish his high school diploma. So how do you live, he said, my family support me. And you know how it is in the UK, a lot of people live on welfare. And so the girl is working, the girl is learning he or she has achieved a lot respect of reading Quran learning the DNA study in Arabic, and she's working on supporting herself all by herself. So I said and who's going to support other?

00:18:19--> 00:18:45

You know what he said? He said, Well, Allah will provide for us shed you said that a few episodes about you said that it will increase your risk, right? Yeah, Allah will increase your risk. When you're hard working, when you're serious. But when you're 3030 to 35, never taken a job in your life. When are you going to start working? When you're enjoying the free ride, just staying at home, you've already reached

00:18:47--> 00:19:28

your age, supposedly, you've never taken a job. He did not wash the dishes. It did not drive a cab. He did not work in the construction. I mean, if you're not a doctor, if you're not a dentist, if you're my teacher, then you gotta do something else. He be a handyman, you know, when you're showing interest in you're making an effort, Allah subhanho wa Taala will find way for you. But when you are lazy and lousy? Well, I don't think I'll be happy to give you my daughter in marriage, because you're not really making you get to be a liability. So I used to feed my daughter and now I have to feed you as well. You know, you have no source of income. He never had a source of income. When are

00:19:28--> 00:19:32

you planning talk? He said Allah will provide for us. Well,

00:19:33--> 00:19:59

even though the statement itself is correct, Allah provides for everyone Allah, who are reserved for the court in Mateen. But the context was not the right context. I'm asking you a legitimate question. How are you going to provide for my daughter? This is very common in the UK where people are living on benefits or off benefits. Should say you know, the rely in every meeting I have with the youth whether in UK

00:20:00--> 00:20:19

or in the countries where the live on benefits. I urge them to go out to work to continue their education to get a degree, to desire to be doctors and engineers and lawyers and to have a career, not just to sit back and enjoy the benefits. That is not fair shake I have,

00:20:20--> 00:20:26

you might find this question a bit funny, but it's quite common in certain cultures where

00:20:28--> 00:21:13

even the Son of the man would would not marry without the permission of his mother, you know, or his father is almost like his his parents, or guardians of him as well. What would you say about this? You know? Well, from a technical point of view, he doesn't need the consent of the guardian. Okay, he's responsible enough. But what kind of a person who would go and propose to a girl without taking his family with him? Without having his parents with him? He's proud to have such parents. And as I said, before, so many times, it is not a man and woman just getting married. It's merging two families. And, you know, if a man proposes to my daughter, is call me about himself. The first

00:21:13--> 00:21:23

question I'm going to ask, so are Europeans living? Oh, yeah, they're cool. They're living Alhamdulillah what are they? What I didn't tell them yet. We'll go and tell them

00:21:25--> 00:22:08

inform them, they have right upon you, you have to share with them the decision and also share within making the decision they get to like my daughter, they get to see her they get to help you making the decision Subhanallah spoke about is to Shara which is you know, consulting people. So would you consult your colleagues, your friends, your cousins, and not consult your parents now introduce his your parents to the future in laws? That is not right. That is not right at all. Okay, yeah. So, you know, we spoke about Subhanallah you know, the legal Prevention's, you know, also the woman was get approval by the Guardian, what are the

00:22:09--> 00:22:12

conditions needed for the occur?

00:22:15--> 00:22:26

The Hijab and Kabul now we're talking about the pillars of the marriage contract, the consent of the Guardian, the witnesses and Asia, urban Cambodia,

00:22:27--> 00:23:15

Asia and Kabul. Asia means the proposal, you showed interest in married by saying, Would you marry me, but in this case, if you're proposing to God, he asked her guardian, I'm interested in marrying your daughter, The Guardian have already asked the girl and she's interested. So he is speaking on her behalf. Yes, I will give you my daughter in marriage. Then the guy says I accept. Okay, on what condition? Allah Sadako Musa Medina who agreed to certain dowry. Now we'll discuss the dowry in a separate episode in sha Allah, how much more or less, you know, and the value person and the third, but now I'm talking about so agree that will pay down. We agreed to all kind of conditions and where

00:23:15--> 00:23:48

is she going to live? What kind of income you're making an all of that. So beforehand, you have all of that in mind, and The Guardian have done his homework, and he informed his daughter, and she's very happy and she's very convinced. And she says, Daddy, go ahead. So she gave him the green light without her giving him the green light. There is no marriage contract that is called Cobbold. So each app is the proposal code is agreement or the acceptance. Okay. So you know, the Prophet sallallahu sallam said,

00:23:49--> 00:24:20

What is Noah have so much to her? You know, goals are, by nature, the shy and talking about Muslim girls. You know, maybe there are non Muslim girls who are shy as well, but I'm talking about in Islam and Muslim girl should feel shy. Okay. So, when the father asked her, somebody is asking for your hand, I checked out his background, and oh, she already knows him. So she lowers her head. Not saying anything is a sign of consent.

00:24:21--> 00:24:45

But if she's not interested, No, Daddy, no way. I don't like him. I don't want to marry that guy. Or you will be the last person in the house. It's over. But you would not give your daughter in marriage or a girl who's under your guardianship in marriage without her consent. So the purpose of the Arkadin IRAP uncouple proposal and acceptance from the girl is from the goal. So

00:24:47--> 00:24:59

I'm sorry, there's no forced marriage in this. This is a misconception that is often not promoted when we when we process a marriage contract. So who is certain with the groom? The God

00:25:00--> 00:25:00


00:25:01--> 00:25:11

And he says, Yeah, my daughter says yes, we'll go and check and ask her. She shows her ID and yes, I'm interested in marrying him.

00:25:12--> 00:25:50

Okay, yeah. Or she's quite she doesn't say anything because she's thought she's shy as a prophet Salalah selama said what is no household motto have been quiet is a sign of a proven, but to give her a marriage without her consent or without her knowledge or any of that whether to your cousin or somebody whom you think he is the best of the best? No, that is not permissible. Jesus Akashic that's all that's all we have time for today. And hopefully inshallah next episode we can pick up where we left off, and carry on speaking about these details in sha Allah, Allah bless you. So for those of you who are home we asked you to keep following the series. I hope you enjoyed it the thick

00:25:50--> 00:25:55

of love. Join us next time for another episode As salam Alaikum Allah Heba Katha