Before You Say I Do – EP14 – PT 1

As you work together,

Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay in and always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling the deen from this day forever be true.

All over the world shaytani r rajim Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah All praise is due to Allah, and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. We begin by greeting our brothers and sisters as well as our viewers saying a salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

We are still talking about the kind of people that we need to avoid. Like we said, people invest more time when they're buying a car, when they're considering what school they need to attend, what kind of clothes they need to buy, we spend more time and energy trying to make up our mind on this issue than we do on the issue of Who are we going to marry. And as such, we spoke about 10 kinds of people that we need to avoid. We spoke about the data, we spoke about the Playboy, they habitual divorces, you spoke about the ungodly man. And then the first person that we spoke about was the person who has any form of addiction. And the last person that we spoke about was the ungodly

person, the ungodly person may be a nice person, but he is spiritually bankrupt, or it could be a godly woman as well, where she is spiritually bankrupt. And we said that part of marriage what makes marriage beautiful is people growing spiritually together. And that is beautiful, improving our relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Together, it's so beautiful to see young people coming into the class together, young people attending Jamaat together, young people attending the conferences together, where there is this idea that I am going to improve my relationship with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And we are going to help each other in the process. And some of the companions of

the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, they would like that. One of my favorite couples, as far as the companions are concerned, would omit that and after the one time after the, and ometer, that they are talking to each other, and once adjusted to the other person that you know, when I die, after that settlement there that when I die, I don't want you to marry after me, I don't want you to get remarried. And he said, I have heard the prophet SAW Selim say, you know, when a person dies, and his wife gets remarried in the Hereafter, she will be with the last husband, jihad. And he said, I want to be with you in this life as well as in the hereafter. So don't marry after I

am dead. Now, of course, that is not what we are suggesting. But that is the story that is once told about about the an ohmmeter out there that was in the habit of always smiling. That's always smiling. So one day I met her that she called upon him and she said, Stop smiling. People think you are an idiot, stop smiling. And with that, that said, By Allah, I will never abandon destiny of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he used to smile all the time. I am going to smile all the time. But it is so beautiful. When you see couples who are spiritually growing together. So when we speak about the ungodly person, or the ungodly man or woman we're talking about you are about to put

yourself in situation where there will be no growth for spiritual development. Moving on, along with the people that we might want to avoid is a person who is not available. Now this gets to be a little interesting. A person who is not available lacks the first requirement for marriage, they're not available. If she is married, guess what? She is not available. If he is married, he is not available. And that is why we say do not fool around with either a married man or a married woman. I know of a person. Actually I was told of this person. What he does, is that he looks for people who are in troubled marriages. He literally goes around fishing for women who are in troubled marriages.

And what happens like we said earlier about people who are in a marital relationship that's not very happy, what happens they may end up directing or misdirecting their emotional energy to somebody other than their spouse. And sometimes people start looking for somebody to rescue them when they are in that position. So this person comes in and they exploit that situation. They know that difficult time that this person is going through. So what do they do? They exploit that situation.

So if a person is not available, do not consider them people, I thought that this was really obvious that you should not be talking to somebody who's not available. But I came to know that we must make it as detailed as possible in defining who is not available. So, here is a person who is not available, a presence that tells you they are married right now, but they will be leaving soon. They are not available. When did they become available? When do they become available, when they've already left? But if they are in the marriage, and they are entertaining you, then that's not good news, especially if she's a woman. Why is that? Because technically, she's still married.

And because she's still married, if she is entertaining the thought of being with somebody else, then that is terrible news. You don't want to do that. Somebody they are with someone right now they're married meaning, but they really don't like her or they don't really like him. Have you ever heard this before? I am married. But my wife, I don't really like my wife. My mom made me do it. Okay, that's not acceptable. Or I am married to this man. But he's really a jerk. I know, I'll be leaving him. Unless the person leaves. They are not available, do not be fooled by this. They are with somebody right now. But they're not really having sex anymore. Who cares?

We don't care. What you are, technically, at least at this point, you are in a marital relationship that makes you earn available. Similarly to this, they are married to somebody, but they're just the same for the kids. Again, you are the same for the kids. It means what you are not available. similar to this one, they are with someone. But and she knows about it. But it's okay with her. Meaning that her husband is married. The wife knows about it. And it's okay with her remind me of a story that once happened. And I thought that this was really terrible. It's not necessarily related to this person. But I know of a sister who came to the masjid once was asking for counseling. She

caught her husband cheating on her. So that she felt it or anything like that. He was caught he was caught red handed, you know, and he was cheating on her. So he did not deny it. But rather he came to her. And he said, You know what, I am leaving the house right now. And I am going to live with that person that I was cheating was. And it will probably take us three months to break up. And then I will come back to you. And then you will take me again.

He spoke to her in this way.

And I remember my first reaction was, your husband knows you very well. You know what she said? She said, I'll be honest with you. If he comes back after three months, I will take him. He is telling her. So I said you mean he's going to marry the second woman take her as a wife, and then he will come? She said no, he is going to live with her. And he is going to come back in two to three months. And he said that when he comes back, I will take him and she said, I promise you, I will most likely take him. This is not an educated woman. She had a master's degree in computer science. So we're not talking about somebody that is being fooled or somebody that is ignorant or no, we're

talking about somebody that is highly educated, yet, the husband knew her so well. And he knows how and when to push her buttons. And he promised her this and she said You are right. What's amazing about this story is the other person knows about this situation. But guess what, I

did not mind it.

I'm okay with it. I know you're married. And I know we're going to do this. And I don't care.

So such kind of an individual. These are all character. These are character flows. They are with someone, they're married, you're not leaving, they want to stay in that marriage, but they want you around anyways people. These people are not available, do not kid yourself. They left somebody, they might go back to them. They are still not available in Islam. Are you allowed to entertain talking to somebody that is talking to somebody else? If a man has approached a woman and they've gotten engaged, they are not married? Are you allowed to talk to that woman?

Are you allowed to talk to her?

You know, in the Hadees the processor is a slave thing. But how do come Allah? He is not befitting to any of you that they propose to a woman that has already been engaged. You just don't why don't you? She's not married. But why don't you propose?

She's committed to somebody else. An ethical agreement has taken place. So honor that ethical agreement. Imagine he said do not even entertain the thought of talking to somebody that has been engaged, let alone somebody who's already

merit. The you see this is Sam says, even if she is engaged, do not entertain the fact, some people are not deterred by that. So what do they do? Even if she is married, let alone engage, they would still do that. So what do people do people listen to this, some people chose not to listen to this. Anyways. So these were some of the people that we are to avoid. In addition to that, we have got what we call the angry person, people who are angry By the way, they make life very tense. Okay. In other words, you feel like you are walking on eggshells, when you are around them. So what happens is, and sadly, I see this a lot in the counseling sessions that that we do, she said, and with the

husband or the wife, they usually say, a good day to us is when we don't fight, the many people start defining their good days, by being problem less is like when we define peace by there is no war, it becomes very, it becomes very deficiency, but are you happy said well, if we're not fighting, so people start defining day life as such, when we don't fight, it means that we have had a happy day. And once the person steps into the house, everybody is very afraid of upsetting them. So everybody starts walking on eggshells, because they're so afraid of saying the wrong thing, acting in the wrong way. And what this does is that it makes the situation very tense all the time.

Because angry people are not fun to be around. Other people are not fun to be around another person and I think this is the last person that we will do as a person who's just pessimistic, you do not want to be around a person who is a pessimist. A person who does not see goodness in anything. Okay? pessimists is most of the time they are, you know, the quality managers, and the quality control managers. What do quality control manager See? They see the effects, they see the efficiencies, they see forth. Well, how does this impact the marriage? We're going to take a short break, and we're going to come back and Sharla to continue with the topic. So please do stay tuned and always be seen

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