Before You Say I Do – EP13 – PT 2

Always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

And thank you for being with us, there was a big article, a three page article in the Los Angeles Times, about five years ago, it was about these men, Muslim men mind, I'm not talking about non Muslims, about Muslim men who come to this certain part of the world. And they have recruiters that would actually gather all the young girls in a room, and they will come and they will pick which one it is that they want. And they'll say, Okay, I give you my hand for this long. And this man knows how long he's going to be in town for, and he's just taken this girl, this young girl for pleasure, because he's offering her family few dollars, and then he's going to leave, please do not consider

such a proposal.

This proposal is nothing but a recipe for disaster. What it does, it just kills the future of that individual that we're talking about. And we're still talking about the kind of people that we need to avoid, we have spoken about some of them. So far, we've spoken about the data. These are people who are financially irresponsible, who have decided that happiness comes from material gain. And what they constantly do is that they buy things to make themselves happy. Again, very similar to the person who is addicted. These are people who no longer have control, but rather they depend on things to make them happy. Remember, this happiness must come from within, if happiness comes from

material gain or from things, then we are in deep, deep trouble for that happiness must come from within happiness does not come from things, things may enhance our happiness, but happiness must come from within, it should not be based on what it is that we have, what it is that we buy, or what it is that we are able to buy, to have a nice car is nice thing. A nice car may enhance your happiness, but to actually have your happiness dependent on what kind of car you drive, then that is absolutely not right. And then we spoke about a person who is a habitual divorce or a person who constantly marries and then they divorce they marry and they divorce. And we said that these people

usually go into their marriage, not for it to last, but rather they go into it for the sake of tasting. And we spoke about a phenomenon that is taking place. Unfortunately, in some parts of the Muslim world, when people who are rich would come into a certain area, they would look into these young girls, their families are in desperate situation. These people are wealthy, they pay them some money, they come and they take these young girls for pleasure for quiet for some time, in a small period of time. Enjoy, and then they leave and then they divorce and life moves on. And they go on they repeated with somebody else. This is to me a matter of character. such kind of people do not

have conscious spiritually they are definitely at fault. What they are doing is that they have just jeopardized uncompromised somebody's future, somebody's childhood, because they wanted to have that pleasure. And that is just absolutely wicked. Remember, after the tsunami, tsunami, especially that hit in Indonesia, who do you think first went to that place? to Indonesia? Who were the first people to get into Indonesia? Well, missionaries were there. Who else got there? Well, yeah, but who else got there of the people? Whom do you think? What kind of people do you think went there? You would think that NGOs went there, you know, to help the people. But you know who else went there?

robbers, but there are also other people who went there.

Unfortunately, prostitute recruiters, prostitute recruiters, they went there, because they felt that this is it. The men are dead, the women are desperate. What do we do? We are going to recruit prostitutes.

We will get them young, we will get them all. But these are women who lost their husbands. Let us recruit these prostitutes, and that is really sad. So somehow, some people are involved in abusing the misfortunes of people in such a blatant way. And some people they come and they miss abused the misfortune of people, but somehow they try to sugarcoat it, they try to cover it with making it look like it is technically halaal. And people that is not acceptable. If you ever get a proposal from such kind of people, then this is not something that you want to consider. This is the proposal that is not worthy of consideration. You must avoid such kind of a person.

And then we have a very interesting person here. This is an ungodly person. What's interesting about the ungodly people is this this way the people who are very honest, people who are very nice, people were very respectful

But somehow they have absolutely no relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. And here is

the issue with them. They have no relationship with God. But most important is they do not have a foundation for living. And there is no platform for change. There is no foundation for living, how are you living your life? On what basis? Do you live your life? There is none. There is no foundation for living. And there is no platform for change. What are you becoming an On what basis are you becoming? There is no concept of the spiritual. They live for me, myself and I, they live only to meet their immediate material physical needs. And they make rules as life goes on. They develop their own rules, as their lives go on. That's how they do it. And they place their hope on

things that perish. they place their hopes on things that perish what doesn't perish. Allah subhanaw taala so where are you supposed to place your hope, whatever call and how you unless Elijah mood and put your trust on the one who is ever living and does not die or does not perish? people put their relationship or they put their hopes on things that perish. And that is of course not acceptable. And remember, this is how we feel about ourselves come from any other place other than our relationship with Allah, we are in deep trouble.

If how we feel about ourselves come from any other place other than our relationship with our Creator, we are in deep, deep trouble. Okay, and here I've got the smoker and the drought. Does anybody know this story?

I don't know, either. Sometimes I just put things and I don't know what they're there for. If I remember correctly, this is the person that was smoking. So somebody said you know what, why don't you stop smoking? He said you know, insha Allah said yeah, inshallah, but make dua to Allah, you know, they help you stop smoking. So I said, Okay, inshallah, meet with the person next week, they're still smoking. And they said, Well, did you make your own? He said, I made the law. And God said, No.

So this is as far as their relationship with God goes, this is what it is. And that's where and you do not want to be with an unguarded person. Remember this, in marriage, there is also room for spiritual growth. You want that person to accompany you in your journey of having a better and a more proper relationship with our Creator, Allah subhanho wa Taala. And that spiritual journey, you may go out by yourself, but you know what, it's more pleasant, when you have somebody that goes along with you. And that is why Allah Subhana Allah speaks about whom about Zachary alehissalaam and his wife alayhis salam, and Allah Subhana, Allah says about them in the home, can we add our own and

our Robin Robin Walker and Elena horseshoeing. They both of them, they used to call upon us out of here, and out of Rahab eagerness to what it is that we have, what can we learn or for sharing, and they both submitted themselves to Allah subhanho wa Taala beautiful, it's so beautiful that a couple can take this journey of becoming better of having a better relationship with their Creator, Allah subhanaw taala you know, the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam about the man and the woman who get up at night, and they try to wake up their spouse to pray at night, and the spouse does not respond. So what do they do? sprinkle water over them, not a bucket people don't take a

bucket but rather what do you do? You sprinkle water? Why do you do this? Because you so much more the good for them. So you wake them up in this way, a person who is ungodly, they deprive you from that journey, you do not want to miss out on the beauty of this journey, of being able to pray together, of being able to do your Salah together, of being able to do your own work together. You want to do your hearts together, you want to both of you spiritually grow together, you do not want to be deprived of this because you have ended up with an ungodly person. inshallah we have few minutes left, so maybe we can take some questions before we end up this episode.

When I want to get back to your addiction, part of it, there are a lot of good people you know, who are addicted. So why.

Basically, I want to put a question on, you know, how we can differentiate a bad habit from a good person. That's the habit. It's sort of character trait. Like when you come to something like you know, the divorcee, that becomes a character trait. Something like smoking or a video game addict or a TV addict. Wouldn't be a character trait. It would more so be a habit. The person may be very

Good, but remember what is our character? What is our character remember we defined character as what it is the collection of the sayings, and the actions and the thoughts and the habits that a person has. This is really what formulates our character. Remember that it is a collection of our habits have our thoughts of our actions and of our deeds and words that formulates our character. It is the collection of our habits. So for example, it may be the case Yes, remember and we'll talk about this inshallah, when we speak about religiosity, that what happens when a person who really is religious, they happen to be nice, they happen to be kind, yet they have got a weakness in what

happens at that point, can they still be considered to be religious? And if they are, should we consider them for a marriage?

And we will answer this question next time we meet insha Allah, thank you for joining us. And until we meet we say so long and Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.