Before You Say I Do – EP05 – PT 2

be seen as man and wife, fulfilling Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

If you're just joining us, we're talking about the myth about love. And now we're discussing this one, the first love is the best love. And we just add the question as to what does it mean when we say, the first person sets up the bar? What does that mean? We tend, whether we like it or not, that anybody that comes next we tend to compare them to the first person. So the first person becomes the yardstick that we use. And what happens is that from now on, we gauge different people in accordance to that first experience that we have had. So the first love sets the bar for what happens next. What to say that the first love is the best love that is so not true people. That's a very

fatalistic, and that's a very pessimistic idea. hamdulillah if this love did not work for me, then what happens? What do I do? What do I say? moving on with my life? You know, in the Eastern culture, we love dramas, don't we? We love to dramatize things we love, you know, statements like you know, what do you say in India in Hindi?

Maha Butler, he did a terrible

terrible, why do you bring her up upon the whole dunya? Isn't that like, very drastic, dramatic way of putting it might have been a hidden Yana he, I mean, why?

Why? Because we just love drama, we have to make as passionate as intense as powerful. And so we end up creating these, these myths. And that is not right. Okay. So we say the first love may be one of the best loves that we will experience in our lives. The first love may really be the best love that we have had in our lives. And it could be due to what maybe the person was really married to the sweetest, the smartest, most compassionate kindness person, but then that person died. So what happens you can always cherish their memory and say that you know what, that was really the best love that I had. But the point is, do not bring your life to an end, simply because you have

believed in that. And you can really not say that the phrase Love is the best love simple because you have not tried anything else. So when you do miss out on a love, then what happens? move on with your life. Do not make your life a stagnant one. Okay, so what other myths are out there? Love is what

love is everything. Love is everything. That's a miss. But another myth is Love is an emotion

or Love is a feeling. What do you think about this statement? Love is an emotion and love is a feeling? What is that? What do we usually view emotions and feelings as so when we say that love is an emotion? Yes, love is partially emotional. Love is a feeling Yes, true. Part of it is a feeling. But most important to understand is what love is actually a verb.

Not a noun. It's a verb. It's an action. Interestingly, remember what I said earlier about the Quran mentioning the word love and its derivatives about 92 different times. But you know what the Quran doesn't do. The Quran does not define what love is. If you look throughout the Quran, it does not define what love is. So what is the Quran do the Quran speaks about the consequences of love?

And what is the first consequence of love? Somebody is about to get married so they better know Huh?

What is the first consequence of love?

The Quran says that the first

consequence of love is commitment

all in quantum to hipbone Allah, for tabular, only the common law. Say, if you truly love Allah, then follow me on Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and Allah will love you back. Now that's really nice. It does not define what it is, but it speaks about the consequence of it. And the first consequence is commitment. So the first consequence of love, his commitment according to the Quran, and by the way, speaking about love in the Quran, in the ayah, Allah subhanho wa Taala You know, it says that and if you turn your back to the commands of Allah, what will Allah do? Allah is going to replace you, replace you with what? Allah loves them, and they love Allah.

what's beautiful about the statement about the verse is what that establishes a lost love to them before it speaks about their love to Allah subhanho wa Taala

That's all because of that earlier statement that we made to love is nothing to be loved is something to love and to be loved is everything. And especially in our relationship with a lot of content, to claim to love Allah is not necessarily a big deal, to actually have a loss of Hannah with Allah say that Allah loves them, then that is a breeding. Remember in that battle of hiber, when the process hell of said, tomorrow morning, I'll give the banner to a man who loves Allah and His Messenger, and Allah and His Messenger, they love him back. So they said that all the Muslims came in the morning, and everybody was sitting down, but they were looking up to the processing of

them and everybody wanted the banner. Why? Because the process of them said, This man whom I am about to give the banner to loves Allah and His Messenger, and Allah and His Messenger, they love him back. So everybody wanted that honor. I claim to love Allah. I claim to love Mohammed Salah, but I don't have Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to come and stamp my claim was approval. But in the case of this man, they said we woke up in the morning and everybody's making sure that

they get me you know, No, me me me. So the process and gave it to Alibaba Vitaly.

So here is this a side point, as we're talking about, so long, it has emotion, but it's not all emotional. It is a feeling but it's not all feelings, but rather Love is a verb. It is an action. It's a feeling but it's also an action and the first consequence of love is this idea of commitment. And inshallah now we will open the floor for questions or comments with regarding these myths and inshallah then we will move on. In the Quran Allah spoken for every good man, I have a good women. Okay, so if it's in the Quran, it's true. Okay. Now, if Allah has already decided, who should be my wife, then she is it she is somewhere I'll find her. She'll find me Why bother and go and look for

her? On your way? Do we have to make an effort to find her? And to make this work? I guess we all have to work on that. Actually, the Quran does not say this people. Okay. The brother is referring to a verse in Surah Noor that says, the good ones, female, or for the good ones, males and the good males will get good females and what have you. But if you read the verse, prior to it, and the verse after it, it is talking in relation to the incident when the wife of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was accused of an indecent act. And then Allah subhanho wa Taala. The Quran is blaming and is being critical of the some of the believers. So the Quran is revealed by saying a piggyback a

privateer, they say that is in reference to good words. Good words, are only befitting to good men, mean men here meaning men and women, and good men and women only good words come out of them. words that are full of vice, they come out of evil men and women, and even men and women only utter words that are full of vice. So it speaks about this, simply because if we were to say that good women are for good men, I know many cases where good women have ended up with some jerks. And some very good men Subhana Allah, they have been married to somebody that is not good. So people say oh, violation of the Koran, no, appa buena de Paiva. This is talking about actually words that were uttered good

words, were only uttered by those who are good and good people are put into them that they speak good words, and then vice versa about the evil words that were said there.

You spoke of marrying three types of person. And you said what the person becomes because of being married to someone, so is all change necessarily wrong or bad.

I said that when we marry a person, in reality, we are marrying three people. We marry the person that we think they are.

we marry the person that they really are. And we also made it the person that they are going to become as a result of them being married to us, people are going to change.

When we are around them, we will change. You call it adjustment. You call it flexibility, whatever it is, we are going to change. But some of us are going to inspire us to change to the better. And some of us are going to change us to the worst. And sometimes people may encourage us and bring the best of us. And sometimes people may discourage us and they bring the worst of us. So this is what I'm talking about. When we are married to a person. What is that person becoming as a result of them being married to us. If I were to say to my wife, you know what?

We have been married for a year, how has your life changed as a result of being married to me, we've been married for five years, how has your life changed as a result of being married to me, they can say, I was a happier person before I met you. And now I am a miserable junkie, because I've been with you.

Or we will can say, you know what you brought the best out of me. Life was so lonely without you know, I can see the beauty of life. So how are we impacting that person? And what type of change are we inviting in the life of that person, as a result of them being around us, because people believe it or not attitude is contagious. The attitude is contagious. And when you are in a marital relationship, where there is this constant and frequent contact with the person, they either rub on us, or they rub rub on them, some of our habits and attitudes. And if we are good, and we are rubbing the goodness on them, and hamdulillah and if they're good, and they're rubbing the goodness

on us Alhamdulillah. But what happens is, if they are rubbing the worst of each other on each other, then that is a recipe for disaster. And that's what I meant as to what are people becoming, as a result of them being married to us? And what are we becoming? When we are married to them? How am I today? Two years prior to my marriage, how is she today? Two years prior to our marriage? Does that make sense? And of course, all the good change is invited. For example, when people say, I want somebody to marry me and accept me as I am. And you look into this and I say That's silly. Yes, we want people to accept us as we are now. But I would hope that the person would also inspire me to

become better than what I am right now. If you just say as I am and that's it, then we become stagnant. Remember the growth and the development that we spoke about earlier? This is what we're talking about. And this brings us to the conclusion of this part of our program. We're glad that you have joined us in this inshallah next time we meet you will also tune in and until we meet we say so long and as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato