Before You Say I Do – EP05 – PT 1

insanity, my filerun

Allah has given you a companion and friend to stay and always be seen as man and wife, fulfilling their Deen From this day on forever.

James Miller hamdulillah salat wa salam ala rasulillah All praises due to Allah and may his peace and blessings be upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam begin by greeting my brothers and sisters saying a Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.

Good to be with you again, and jack maloca, for being here and for tuning in towards us. And we're talking this time about the myths that we have about love, and how devastating that can become to us later on as we move on with our lives, especially our marital lives. And we said, the myth is a lie that has been believed. People speak about Greek mythology. Different cultures have created their own myth of supernatural fairytales have taken place and what have you, to them, and inshallah, today, we will continue with some of these myths about love. Another myth that we have is that successful relationships in this sense, like I said, the other day, anytime we say the word

relationship, we're talking about marriage here. But successful marriages are accidental. If somebody believes this, what do you think that is going to do to their lives,

I don't have to work on my marriage. Because if it's successful, it happens to be accident aware, I don't need to do anything in it. Good marriages are just happened by accidents. And that is devastating. That can be very detrimental to any relationship if people go in with the notion that it's accidental or good students, accidental students, are good drivers, accidental drivers, it seems like we require effort almost in every arena of life, except in love and accept in marriage, we realize it's accidental. To demonstrate, this guy bought a house. And he had a big house, big yard in a front yard and backyard. So he invited the landscape engineer to design the garden for him

and said, I want to design my garden for me. However, these are the conditions, I want you to get me specific grass that is being genetically modified, where it will not exceed a certain height, and I want you to get me special kind of trees that will not crack open my sidewalk, meaning the roots of it. And I want you to get a special kind of soil that will not allow any weeds to grow in my garden. And I want you to get me a special kind of sprinkler system that knows when to turn on and off without me doing anything. And I want you and the guy said Sir, please stop. If you want a garden, you must be willing to become a gardener

you must be willing to become a gardener most of the time what happens we want the garden but nobody wants to do any gardening. Similarly, successful relationships are not accidental, they must be worked on by the people who are in it. So they are not accidental whatsoever. And that's why they also say it takes two people to make a marriage what go right. But it takes one person to mess it up.

It takes two people to make it go right. But it takes one person to mess up the marriage. And if you come in with the mentality and the attitude that good successful relationships are accidental, it means that your input into the marriage is not going to be a good one. So what would be the correct statement here? successful relationships are what they are made. They are earned they are deserved, simply because you have worked on it and you did your homework on it. Otherwise, if you just leave it accidental, then accidents are going to be happening. Okay. Another myth also, with regard to this is this one of my favorite Miss finding the right person guarantees a happy marriage or a

successful marriage. This is the cousin of the previous myth. It's either accidental or what? Or me finding the right person finding you may have found the right person, but are you the right person to them?

And they may be the right person to you and you are the right person to them. But the question that we have is

What are you doing to maintain this relationship together?

Once a wise man was asked, he said, Do you believe that marriages are made in heaven? So beautiful question. Do you believe that marriages are made in heaven? Yes. If you say no, what happens?

You can't say no, because God is aware of it all. So they asked you, our marriage is made in heaven. So the wise man said, he said, Yes, they are made in heaven. But maintenance takes place on Earth.

So you can have all that rosy picture that you want about, you know, yeah, God made, oh, that's all fine and nice. But then you must remember that what maintenance takes place on Earth. So you do find the right person. And that's good. Mashallah hamdulillah. But then what happens once you find the right person? You know, they say that once we made a person with actually marrying three people, and the mother in law is not one of them. By the way, in case you're wondering, once we marry a person, we are married to three people take a guess as to who they are. These three people we marry, who we think this person is. And we're also marrying, who this person is going to become as a result of

them being married to us what we make out of them. And then we also marry who they really are. So we're marrying who they think they are. We're marrying who they really are. And we're also marrying, whom are they going to become as a result of them being married to us? You know how sometimes in marriages, maybe you know, this, we say, all we have known this system before she was married, she was nice. She was smiling all the time, she was happy. She made everybody around her feel good. But once she got married, her husband killed her spirit. She's always depressed, she's always such you'll, you'll know what I'm talking about. The same thing can be said about the brother or the

brother, Mashallah, before his marriage, he was so active, he was so powerful he was so this, but then he got married. And we don't know what happened to him. Either it is that he became who he really is, or something happened to him as a result of being married to that person. So finding the right person is an excellent step. But then what happens since you have found that person, so the myth is finding the right person guarantees a happy relationship or a happy marriage. That is not a myth, simply because you must do your own maintenance, as well. This is one of my favorite ones. Real love comes only once.

Have you heard this one before?

This is one of my favorite there is one of the clients that I see is a person that was engaged for a while, but 15 or 17 years ago to this person.

And it did not work out.

Until this day, she refuses anybody that proposes to her, she refuses to consider anybody out there. Why? Because she believes that real love comes only once and her love came and went. So she cannot try anything else. And as a result for girl, she's very depressed because she does feel lonely and she does want to be with somebody. But she is feeling that she believes this myth so much to the point that she is not even considering or willing to move on. Because real love comes only once what happens to a person who loved one person, they got married and got a divorce because it did not work out what happens to them next, if they believe this, they live becomes stagnant at least in that

department simply because they believe that this is the case. Real love comes only once and there is a sister to this myth. Anybody knows which one sister to this myth. Come on people. The first love is the best love. Okay, so what happens was this idea the first love is the best love it can be it is the love that we remember most simply because it was what is the first time that we have noticed that we've even felt that way and it just felt good. And beautiful because we've never experienced this before. I remember when I was in now this is somebody else friend of mine. Not me, sir. One of my friends. Okay, because we remember this so much because it was the first time See, initially

humans are very funny. When we are around six and seven and eight years of age what happens How do boys and girls relate to each other? They don't like each other. girls think voice smell

and they don't want to be around them. And boys think girls are you know, just keep away from me. And you can just see this you know, even sometimes voice you know if they see a boy holding a girl have a

You know, our gross hand, Go wash your hands, you know, what have you done to yourself. But then something happens when we got to about 14 1516.

We were struck with what is called hormones.

And then all of a sudden,

the boy that looked very Goofy, He is so cute.

I can't even stop thinking about him.

And the girl that looked very this and that, now she is beautiful, and she is gorgeous.

And sometimes we just, we don't realize it just hits you like a train, and you wake up from it. And that is why the best love or the first love is always remembered.

But because at that point, we are so young. And our hearts have never experienced anything like this before. What happens is that we're very captivated by that person. And we think that this is, this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think about them all the time. I you know, I didn't just mentioning their names all the time. I eat thinking about them, I sleep thinking about them, I dream about them, I wake up in the morning, and the first thing that I do is I think about them, I must be in love with them. Therefore, we conclude that the first love is the best love not true people. The first person that we love sets the bar. Do you know what I'm talking about? The

first person that we love sets the bar. What does that mean?

We are not going to answer this question. What we will do is that we will take a short break and we will be back. So please do stay tuned and we will be back momentarily.

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