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Prophetic Teachings on Coping with Grief

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Muiz Bukhary

Channel: Muiz Bukhary

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

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Salam alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatu many brothers and sisters, today we're going to be talking about some powerful prophetic strategies on coping with grief. We begin this episode by praising our Maker subhanho wa taala. We thank him for everything. And we ask him to send his choices of blessings and salutations upon the final messenger our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa alayhi wa sallam, his family members, his companions and all those who tread upon his path with utmost sincerity until the day of the AMA.

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Make he says in Surah, Allah Imran

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Kulu, Neff sin, the equatorial mouth,

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he says that every soul will taste death.

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So looking at this idea, we reflect on the fact that death and loss are inevitable. They're part and parcel of human life. People, we love die.

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People we need die.

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People we know pass away die, people we don't know die and eventually, we will die ourselves. But how do we come to terms with this? How do we deal with the grief that these events provoke? So let's start off by talking about what is grief. Grief is defined as a natural and emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. And in and of itself, it is not necessarily considered a pathological condition or a personality disorder. And another important thing to highlight is that at times the teachings of the Quran and the teachings of the prophets Allah Wiley, wherever Selim is stereotyped as having to suppress one's emotions, and to dismiss them people think that oh, you know what the

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Quran tells us to suppress our emotions, dismiss our emotions, the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam tell us to do something similar, perhaps but you know what, in all honesty, Islam and the teachings of the prophets that Allah Allah, Allah sent me in a very beautiful way.

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The to teach us to face to process and to deal with our emotions instead of running away from them. And that you will see in this episode as we go through the teachings of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam in this regard. Now, before I get into the teachings, I'd like to mention

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a tear jerking incident that took place during the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. You see the messenger. He went through so many episodes of loss, which we're going to touch in just a bit, but this particular one, you will see,

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there are so many lessons that can be deduced. We have the son of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his name was Ibrahim, he passes away in the 10th year of after the hatred of the Prophet sallallahu sallam. As per one report, he was just 16 months old, and as per another report, he was just 18 months old, and Acibadem Malik are the Allahu Anhu. He reports and this incident is recorded in the Book of Imam Al Bukhari Rahim Allah. He reports that we entered the house of Abu Sayyaf along with the messenger of allah sallallahu Sallam and Abu Sayyaf was the husband of

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the witness. Looking after the son of the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam. The minute the Prophet gets news that the sun has that his son has passed away, he goes to the house of the wetness, he takes hold of his son, he kisses him, and he brings him close to him he smells him Subhan Allah.

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And then now they were entering after the messenger, and as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa le USA lambs son, Ibrahim was breathing his last breaths. It made the eyes of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam shed tears you could see tears welling up in the eyes of the Messenger of drama even now for the loved one, the companion of the Prophet he immediately asks you Rasulullah even you are a pseudo Allah. Then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam at that juncture. He says, Yebin I have OIBDA of this is mercy. This is mercy and the Prophet wept even more. And then he went on to say, Verily the eyes shed tears, and the heart is heavy, the heart is grieving. But we will not say

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anything, except that it is pleasing unto our Lord. We are saddened by your departure, Ibrahim or Ibrahim

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so many brothers and sisters look at this incident. It's such an emotional incident. The prophet is dealing with the loss of his child. 16 months old, 18 months old Subhan

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Allah, there are tears welling up in the eyes of the messenger the blessing is of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa alayhi wa sallam, and look at how he processed the emotions of grief. Look at how he educated the Sahaba at one light Allah Allah him Juma in and along with that, by extension, he's teaching all of us. This you have to understand, is part of being human, many brothers and sisters. And without any further ado, let's get into the strategies put forth and taught to us by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Number one, seek solace seek comfort in the words of your maker in the words of Allah subhanho wa taala.

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Open up the Quran, you will see for example, take Surah to Baja.

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You know when studying the Tafseer of Serato Boeheim and discussing surah Taha, you will learn that it was at a time this surah was revealed to boost the spirits of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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What Doha well lately the sagia, mouawad the Hakka rabuka, Rama, Allah, your Lord has not left you he has not forsaken you. In the Quran, there is so much of comfort to be found by the brothers and sisters. So we need to turn to the words of our Maker seeking comfort, seeking solace seeking help. During times of loss during times of grief, I'm sure you will all relate to this. During such moments, you feel helpless, you feel like you're bobbing in the middle of an ocean, you feel lost, you feel like there's no direction in your life, you don't know where to turn to or who to turn to. So at this juncture, it's important to remind myself to remind all of ourselves, that we should turn

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to Allah subhanho wa Taala

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we should seek His protection, we should seek his refuge in the form of seeking comfort in his words. And strategy number two in the form of turning to him in Doha without his help, we are helpless, we need to turn to him seeking his aid, seeking help from him. So the best way to do it is through prayer, through the through this divine link, this beautiful gift that we have been gifted this connection that we have with our Maker subhanho wa Taala it should not be the other way around where we turn away from him and run away from him. No, we should get closer unto our maker, we should turn to Him subhanho wa Taala because we need his help to get through that turbulence, we

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need his help to get through that that troublesome patch, we need his help to cope with the loss to cope with the grief that we are experiencing.

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So, once these two things are done, we move on to strategy number three, which is to

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inculcate acceptance.

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Now, I know this is easier said than done. Why? Because it may seem hard. It may seem like it is not fair. We may seem we may, you know, it may seem as if everything is coming crashing down.

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And at times

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blasphemous things might be at the tip of our tongues. So it is at this juncture, my dear brothers and sisters, as believers, we need to turn towards accepting this as part of the decree of our Maker SubhanAllah. With that, I started off by saying that it is easier said than done. Why? Because it is challenging. But the beauty of it is that by doing so, you're doing yourself a favor. You are strengthening yourself.

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Let's say you're you are coping with grief, the loss of a loved one. financial loss, you're going through difficulty perhaps

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what you have been ardently praying for that the doctor should not say the doctor comes comes to you and tells you that the thing that you were dreading the diagnosis that you were dreading. How do you cope with this? How do you cope with this grief? How do you cope with this loss? Acceptance?

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So this is why it is from the six articles of faith. What is the sixth article to accept in the decree to accept the decree of our Maker subhanho wa Taala

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that everything is as per his plan.

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The sooner we do that, the sooner

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we are going to be able to

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Come out of the abyss of sadness, that particular episode of sadness, darkness. And it's an abyss

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of sadness and darkness that even the devil tries to capitalize.

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He sees this as a window of opportunity to push us further in,

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you know, to to make us drift even farther away. So the sooner we are able to inculcate this, this sense of acceptance, we become stronger, we, we immediately turn ourselves and that's why I went step by step turning, because see, at the end of the day to do this, you need the help of Allah. Like I said, acceptance is not easy to do it, you most definitely need the help of Allah. And that is why you start off by seeking comfort in his words, you you turn to him and make the ayah Allah I need your help. Without you I am nothing Allah am helpless. So with the help of your maker, now, you're going to be able to accept, you're going to be able to accept that this is the plan of Allah

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azza wa jal. He knows what is best for me has been Allah Who enamelware kill Nirmal Mola When m&r said that Allah He is the best disposal of all of my affairs. If this is what Allah has decreed for me, then there is good to it good that perhaps I cannot see at this juncture. Because for everything that occurs, many brothers and sisters, you have to understand that there is this bigger plan of our Maker subhanho wa taala. And you will see that manifesting itself in the remaining teachings that are in place.

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Strategy number four, gratitude right after acceptance now, gratitude.

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Like I said, acceptance is easier said than done. Now gratitude. This might seem like the cherry on the top and on the surface, we upset, we're sad, were dejected.

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And gratitude might seem impossible at this juncture.

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You might even be asking me, I am undergoing why I've undergone loss of lost a loved one. And you want me to be grateful at this juncture, my dear brother, my dear sister,

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take a step back

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and zoom out to

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try

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and look at the bigger picture.

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And the minute this happens, maybe immediately, it might be something difficult to bring in. But eventually, the sense of understanding the sense of acceptance, the sense of appreciation can emerge.

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Where you start looking at things from a different perspective, you start looking at things from a different angle, you start appreciating now say for example, in the instance where like I said, the doctor comes and now gives you a diagnosis that you were dreading.

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Now, at that juncture, you might ask yourself, you might ask me, How can I be grateful or what am I to be grateful for.

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But upon deeper introspection, and upon deeper reflection, you can be thankful for the fact that you are alive, that you are still breathing, that you still have life ahead of you.

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And then the more you reflect,

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the more you you know, ponder, you begin to realize that everything that has happened, and everything that is happening is bringing you to where you are, it is contributing towards the person you have become. And that's a good thing. You see this understanding it helps you see the world. It helps you see yourself and see the world around you in full color.

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You know, in the past that even now you have black and white filters, right, you got any of the social media apps, you have black and white filters. So the minute you slap on a black and white filter, there's no color, but then when you remove the filter, you see everything in full color. So once this sense of acceptance, the sense of appreciation is inculcated you start to see everything through the lens of gratitude, you will see everything in the color of gratitude.

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So we as believers, many brothers and sisters, we should feel gratitude for every single person. For every single event that has formed our lives. every experience, every event has formed our lives a certain way. Every encounter every

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relationship, every conversation. There are so many lessons and it has, it has formed us into who we are today. This is all part of the huge and intricate plan of our Maker SubhanaHu Attallah. Therefore we need to be aware, we need to be grateful for the hurdles for the obstacles for the setbacks, for the conflicts, for the losses, because all of these things My dear brothers and sisters, that's the bigger picture. Every single thing is interconnected.

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And basically dependent on each other all these events why they V us and become this master plan of our Maker Subhana what Allah that is what has made us who we are and what we are today.

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So only when you take a step back and when you see the totality of things the bigger picture good and bad and this is why I'll Eman will call the Heidi washery good and bad is from the decree of our Maker subhanho wa Taala the minute you take a step back and look at it that is when you harness the ability to become truly grateful. Now Allah subhanho wa Taala make us all from his grateful slaves, I mean,

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to proceed, thinking about something like a relationship that has now gone sour has gone bad. You might be wondering,

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how am I to be grateful for this? But what if that was a necessary step for you to

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eventually, let's say you experienced a failed marriage, you've undergone a divorce. And you're coming out of it. And you're a bit at this point. You know, you are in your mind, the voices in your head that telling you Life is so unfair. Why does all of this have to happen to me? But what if you think of it this way that this had to happen for you to eventually meet

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and get married to a spouse? A partner who is going to be the love of your life? Subhanallah so this was necessary this this setback was necessary. This hurdle was necessary. This loss was necessary. What if the passing of a loved one

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and you move on? What's the silver lining? The chef? Tell me? I've lost a loved one. So what what

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could possibly what could possibly be the silver lining in the loss of a loved one?

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What if I were to tell you my dear brother, my dear sister that through the passing of that loved one, despite it causing you a lot of sadness, immense sadness? What if that loss

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spurred you to build stronger relationships with your loved ones? Let's say through the loss of a parent, let's say you lose your father and therefore, because of that you become close to your mother. Let's say your your relationship with your mother was somewhat patchy. But through the loss of your father, yes, immense sadness, a lot of difficulty, the vacuum cannot be filled. But what if that loss spurred you to improve your relationship with your mother, but if through the loss of your parents we became closer to your own family, your wife your children. So as you can see, there are certain intricacies to all of this that we as weaklings as human beings we cannot fathom we cannot

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understand. And therefore we need the help of ALLAH to fall back on to these beautiful strategies such as acceptance and gratitude. When talking about gratitude, we cannot miss the other side of the coin and that's the next strategy patient's gratitude and patience are two sides of the same coin.

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Interesting narration hadith is recorded in the Book of Imam Al Bukhari Muslim Rahim Allah, Allah symptomatically Allahu Anhu. He reposted the Prophet sallallahu Sallam he passes by a woman who was weeping next to a grave, the Prophet salaallah Islam at that juncture

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he reminds the lady to be patient,

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she immediately retorts back, saying, Get away from me. You have not been afflicted by a calamity like man like mine.

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam quietly moves away, eventually. Now, let's say perhaps she kind of you know, came back to certain

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sense of her normal senses, you know, after coping with the grief to a certain extent, and as per the narration, an understanding that can be deduced that perhaps you did not recognize the Prophet, she did not know that it was the prophet. And when she was told that it was the prophet now she goes to the Prophet sallallahu Sallam and she says you are Sorolla. I did not recognize you. The prophets analysis even

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At that juncture very beautifully, teaches her that patience is at the first strike.

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Many Brothers and Sisters in Islam, you can deduce through this.

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That the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam look at his acumen, look at his emotional intelligence. The lady, she reports that the prophet The Prophet was trying to console her and comfort her, but she retorts, the prophet very quietly moves away, he does not get offended. He does not try to sit her down and you know, kind of forced the teachings down her throat. No, why? Because she's emotional, she's upset. So this is very important, my dear brothers and sisters, when interacting with others, to be able to understand how to deal with the emotions of others. This you see it in the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and then from there onwards, you also see the Prophet

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teaching the lady that patience is something that you have to strive to hold on to during moments like this.

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So gratitude and patience are

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two sides of the same coin.

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There's a beautiful Hadith

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where we learned that everything is good for the believer.

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That's the beauty for a believer.

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His belief system empowers him. His belief in Allah empowers him. He is a man empowers him. The Prophet sallallahu sallam, he says algebraically unreal moment. Wondrous is the affair of the believer, as there is good for him in every matter, Allahu Akbar. And this is not the case with anyone but the believer. May Allah make us all strong believers. I mean, the Prophet sallallahu Sallam goes on to then say

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when something good happens to him, but does he do here and is gratitude Unto Allah azza wa jal, and if something bad the narration goes along the lines of these words, oh come I call Allah to Islam if something bad if something sad if something unfortunate happens to him, but as he do, he holds on to patients sober, and there is good for him in that as well. So during good times, it's sugar, it's gratitude and the more you render gratitude, the more prosperity the more abundance the more happiness you are attracting Subhanallah in SCHUCHART, homeless ADA NACA, powerful teachings during difficulty, you do not utter blasphemous things you do not question the decree of Allah. You do not

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question the plan of your maker, but rather you hold on to suffer. And this helps you to move on to the next prophetic teaching, which is to see the blessing in every hardship.

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Scholars have gone on to write so many benefits.

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In terms of the wisdoms behind the different trials hurdles, obstacles and setbacks that we go through in life.

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I'll try to run through a few.

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When we undergo loss, when we undergo hurdles, when we when we experience setbacks and obstacles, we are reminded and we realize the power of our Maker subhanho wa Taala over us, we do not relate to that. You see during good times.

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If you're not careful, we become arrogant. We become proud we think, Oh, it's because of our intelligence. It's because of our talent. It's because Oh, I'm such a good businessman. I know how to close deals. I know how to make money, this empire. Look at this, this sprawling empire that I've built for myself, during good times be afflicted with pride. But when we come crashing down, rock bottom, no one's there for us. That's when we turn to Allah subhanho wa Taala that's when we realize the power of our Maker subhanho wa taala. So how fortunate are those who are reminded who do not forget the greatness of Allah azza wa jal. So that's one wisdom. Another wisdom is that it helps us

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it helps to remind us of our complete servitude Unto Allah subhanho wa Taala via his servants, how can we be arrogant? This wealth that you and I we have and enjoy Where is it from? It is from Allah it is from his coffers, Subhan Allah, it is from Allah azza wa jal. So this reminder we need to keep reminding ourselves from the wisdoms behind trials calamities and hurdles is that it helps us to become sincere in what we do.

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We are reminded to be sincere. How so you may ask. It reminds us to turn to him in Toba. Why the minute we slip we realize oh you know what, perhaps I went wrong somewhere. I've done something wrong. Let me turn back to Allah azza wa jal. Let me seek his forgiveness. Let me bring in 100

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sincerity in what I do.

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Moving on and the list of benefits it makes us humble in front of Allah azza wa jal. It makes us humble. It makes us forgiving. It makes us patient. It brings in acceptance. It brings in gratitude Unto Allah. It helps us to purify us of essence. It helps us to relate to others who are in difficulty it helps us to empathize.

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It helps us to be become kind and compassionate with those who are suffering. It helps us to become more charitable.

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Once you agree, when you're going through a hurdle, a setback or difficulty, you are looking for opportunities to give out charity

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to to get the blessings of Allah subhanho wa taala. So as you can see, these these wisdoms are many, many brothers and sisters, we must make a separate episode just to list out the blessings behind the trials, hurdles and setbacks that we go through in life. May Allah subhanho wa Taala

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help us to become content with what He has given us. And help us to see the wisdoms behind these trials and avoid being you know, ungrateful I mean.

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Before I move on to the next strategy,

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I just want to conclude this teaching by saying that if you can't find any wisdom, any blessing, at least focus on this in sha Allah, you will be made stronger for having gone through this particular hurdle. You come out the other side, you surface the other side the right way, you will insha Allah come out stronger. May Allah help us all to do so. I mean, the last prophetic teaching that I'd like to touch on is that complain only to Allah subhanho wa taala. Complain only to Allah azza wa jal, but do not feel ashamed to seek help from others. You see, the fine balance needs to be struck. There is no harm in going for therapy. There is no harm in talking to a loved one about it. You're

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going through something there's no harm in speaking to your spouse about it. There is no harm in speaking to your parents about it. And by all means you should, if that's going to be helpful, there's no harm in seeking professional help.

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Don't misunderstand this teaching

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in a way where

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it is understood as urging you not to go to others to seek help, Law No. Complain only to Allah but there is no harm in seeking help from others in talking to others about it. But don't go to others and say blasphemous things about Allah says one needs to go seeking professional help. One is to go and talk to your mother about it your father about it, your wife about it, your husband about it, your sibling about it.

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And it is a completely different thing to sit with others and start saying blasphemous things about Allah azza wa jal just imagine sitting with someone and saying, Oh, why is Allah being so cruel? And why is Allah being so harsh on me Allah you have to be

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with regard to the complaining turn to Allah. As Allah mentions in the Quran, the prophet Jacob Iacobelli salatu salam

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at the loss of use of odd say,

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in the ash goo bethia, Hosni Illa Allah

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I will put forth my lemons my complaints Unto Allah subhanho wa.

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So, like I started off we have this divine link disconnection so turn to Allah lament and complain to Allah. Ya Allah helped me out of this yeah Allah I need your help Allah I'm going through this and finding, you know difficulty in this that is between you and Allah subhana wa at that.

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So turn to him but do not complain to the creation, turn to the Creator. converse with the Creator speak with the Creator, but do not complain to the creation. The prophets Allah Islam is reporter have said, whoever is afflicted by a pressing need and complains to the people, his needs will never ever be satisfied. On the other hand, whoever is afflicted by a pressing need and complains to Allah, Allah, eventually Allah will provide for him sooner or later Subhan Allah woman de la hija Allah Houma Raja were zoom in high school is the same woman yet our call Allah for who has been the one who is conscious of Allah is Allah will make her way out for him or her. The one who places his

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or her trust in Allah, Allah is enough for that individual. May Allah subhanho wa Taala help us to become such individuals I mean, so I hope this video was of benefit. Do hit the subscribe button and by you know commenting down below by liking the video and sharing it. It'll help with the algorithm the video will you know

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reach others as well it will help others and thereby we will all share in on the reward. Today we share all kinds of things let's let's get together and share the teachings of the Quran the teachings of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasalam so that others can benefit the Zachman la Hara. I look forward to talking to you on another video soon in sha Allah, wa Salam o Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh