Psychology of the Muslim Parents

Although they will Lahaina shaytani R rajim Bismillah R Rahman r Rahim hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala Ashraful Ambia. It will authorial mursaleen Rasool. I mean, you have your bill Alameen Mohammed and Salawat Robbie was Allahu Allahu Allah early he was so happy to help you be in a poor hearing in Al Hamdulillah Muhammad who want to start, you know who want to start here who want to study when God will love him and surely unforeseen. I will say RTR Marlena Maria de la HuFa la mobula Oh my god, Lil fella de la hora shadow Allah ilaha illallah who had the whole luxury villa? One know Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Abdullah who are also in US local Hadith he

Kitab Allah wa Hiral Howdy, howdy Muhammad in sallallahu alayhi wa salam, in the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Most Merciful. All praise is due to Allah. We bear witness that no one is worthy of worship but Allah And we bear witness that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is indeed his final messenger. The best of speech is a book of Allah. And the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. May Allah Subhana Allah make us amongst those who listen to the best of speech, the book of Allah and follow its commandments. And may Allah Subhana Allah make us amongst those who come to know the best of ways, the way of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

and make us amongst his followers. Allah whom I mean Allahumma Amin Allahumma Amin, Ya Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Who are they?

Now huge it up. Whether unfit dunya in La Jolla, Tata la la sala Hebner Allah who must have been an hour but I mean, there is no parent or father or mother. But we want the best for our kids. And may Allah Subhana Allah grant them that which is best Europa Allah mean. This is not only our wish, this is not only for the people in the masjid, but this is something amongst humanity. And we see when Ibraheem Alehissalaam where he prays Ramadan Nemo, Pema salah, it will mean Zuri Yachty.

And every time Ibrahim alayhi salam made a dua in the Quran, his children were included in that group every time you look it up every time Ibrahim prayed, he made a prayer was not only for himself, but it also included his children, your Allah make me of those who are constant in their worship to you, and also have my offspring or Allah, what US Lenny, if he is a reality, as Allah Subhana Allah tells us that people pray for the righteousness of their children, as well.

And where we live, by means of observation, Inshallah, today just going to share with you what people have deemed to be, what is it that parents do that is leading towards that. And this is not to meant to guilt people or to teach people. Almost everything that I'll be sharing here with you today in sha Allah is going to be something that we all know. But we just need to be reminded off. And that is the purpose Friday prayers, they can be educational, they can be informative, but they're also reminders was cared for in the zakra 10 fall meaning is that remind people, which only believers that heed these reminders. First thing that we know is despite all the different costs

that we see in the culture, about how important the individual is and how the individual is the most important element in society. All research is telling us that's actually not true. It is not the individual that is most important. It actually is the family that is most that is most important.

Despite of the overwhelming propaganda that we get that our kids, you are special, you're this they are they are important, but an individual is not the most important block in society. It is actually the family that is most important.

And we all do we start talking about what the kids can do. Another research also, Alan Glenn ski, the Work and Family Institute, interviewed 1000 kids, they got 1000 kids together. And they said if you had one wish, and it would be granted to you, if your parents, what would that wish be? And they asked the same question to the to the parents asking them, What do you think your kids are going to say? And most parents guessed that I'm very sure my kids would say that

I wish that my parents would spend more time with me. But that's not what happened. Most of these kits of these kits that were interviewed, they said, We wish that our parents were less anxious and tired when they were with us.

That's really interesting. See, something happens to us, when we are tired and anxious. What happens to us are those of us who have experienced being tired and being anxious, we know this.

But what's interesting about this research is that the kids actually picked on it, what happens? People who are tired, they have very little tolerance for arrogance.

They are not very tolerant, we're just tired. Especially when you're physically exhausted, you're just tired. When you are tired, you're not a good listener.

When you're tired, you don't show enthusiasm.

When you're tired, you are less optimistic. We'll add anxiety into this as well anxious about what's going to happen tomorrow on what do I need to do by tonight and what needs to be ready for this and what needs to be ready for that, then you experience what we call burnout.

So first thing that we learned is that when we actually we as parents, when we relax, something happens to the dynamic in the family, very incredibly interesting. SubhanAllah. So what do these parents do? They say that

successful parents, what they do is that they observe.

And they encourage

parents that are not very successful. They spy in order to find faults.

They observe. And they encourage Pilu EULA have, where you shed your

most Yetta justice while you are lit. They observe and they encourage our kids of Hannah do a lot of incredible things. They do a lot of good, in addition to being mischievous and they being good, but they do a lot of good. And the tendency sometimes is that we only pay attention to the wrongs that they are doing. And all the good that is taking place gets to be missed out.

And as a result, they feel that you know what being good is not rewarding. What is really rewarding is what do people pay attention to? Because remember kids, they value things because of the attention that they get because of it at least initially. And if being good does not really get me that attention does. It's not validated, it's not valued. It's not even recognized. Then what happens is, you know what, it's not really that good anymore. So first thing they say is that good parenting is creating this ability of seeing the good and encouraging more of it. Why is that? Humanly Subhanallah they say that any behavior that gets rewarded is a behavior that will be

repeated.

Second thing about parenting, good parenting, they say that

the good parents also all invalid energy word also the valid valid or invalid the nudge your Tamil ma Urbinati Allah has a pallet Timo Neff Sia, more Allah has a political message.

Say that good parenting also is about dealing with their kids in accordance to their their kids. emotional state. Not according to the parents mood.

Don't talk to that today. He's in a bad mood, or you better not get near mom to a man. It's not her day man. Now, so they say that good parenting is about recognizing the emotional state that these kids are in and behaving accordingly, not our own moods. The best of this was Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. nsfx nomadic tells the story all cannily us one. Min. Min Abby said that I had a half brother said when the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once visited us. And he said that his name was Rama year. Ahmed was three years old. And he said he was just sitting there and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam would often come and visit and he said that the Prophet sallallahu

alayhi wa sallam came and he found my half brother holding a small birthday and he just looked sad. And then the Prophet peace be upon him came to him and he said, Your Abba Amaya. Martha Allen. Nora, is it? Am I even though he's just a three year old kid already gave him a nickname making him feel like a man about oh, my name is Amaya was a father of mine. He said what happened to them right i

and said that he just smiled to the Prophet salAllahu alayhi wasallam the birdie is not feeling well and he's just rubbing on the on the birdie. Say that few days later the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam comes and visits and sees literally Oh my god. And then the first thing the Prophet peace be upon him asked is Ma Murtha Elena, right. But I made it. How's the little birdie doing? And honestly Malik tells the story and he said, the kid rushed to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And he started screaming, Martin over here, Matt and Roy said that he rushed to the Prophet peace be upon him, threw himself on the Prophet peace be upon he said, Prophet of Allah, the

bird is dead, the birdie is dead.

And I'm a prophet of Allah. Man, I need to save humanity, I need to teach people about salvation. I need to be meeting with this tribe in this delegation is visiting over and you're talking to him about the Brady that is not feeling well? Yes. Why do you do that? Say that with kids, usually you deal with them in the accordance of their emotional state, not because of our mood. The fact that I didn't have a good day at work, does not mean that this gives me a green license, or a light green light or a license that I come and I be abusive or rude towards my family. Don't get me wrong, we all have our moments of bad days. But by no means my bad day, my bad mood is going to reflect on the

way that I deal with my with my family.

second, or third point they say about these about these families or about these, these

these parenting style, they say up our own energy 100 You help file you feel of God? Well, are you fill us up?

At the law prefer you feel of God? Well, are you Cyril as well. They say that parents who are successful, what they do is that they enhance people's ability to think rather than get on their nerves.

That's really sad. When we as parents, get on our kids, nerves, man at that point, we're not really motivating them to think, but we are just emoting them to be to be angry. And they say that good parenting do not do that. There was actually a research that was done, I believe it was at Emory, if I'm not mistaken. I could be wrong about this one. But what they did is they asked a group of parents, and they said, will your children so the research was about families that have mission statements and vision statements. What is our family? Like? What is our family stand for? And the research has suggested that the parents sit with their kids and see if they can come up with a

mission statement about their families. But then they said, Wait a minute, mission statements are a reflection of the values that you hold. So they asked the parents and they said, will your children be able to identify the most important values to you?

Will your children be able to do that? Well, sometimes we say don't lie. Sometimes we say tell the truth, no matter what. But everything else seems to be a lot of yelling that is taking place. So they said, ask yourself that question. Will your children be able to tell what are the most important values to you? You know, the Quran alludes to this, I'm going to shahada is how they are cobalamin is already Benny Hema taboo and I'm in body. So what do you present? When you're over Alayhis Salam in his time of death? His children around him? He said to them, what will you worship after I pass? This is him inquiring about are you aware of the values that I wanted to pass on to

you? And Hamdulillah? The answer was not disappointing. So they say that a parent that are successful, they do that. And here's what they found out. They actually studied MRIs of the prefrontal cortex of the children. And they say that parents who spoke to their kids in such a way that made the kids think it said that the developmental there was very clear, and our prefrontal cortex is the place that is responsible for cognitive functions. And also this idea of the ability to, to

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control. Okay. So now what happens is they say that the more you do have this, actually, the better that reflects in our, in our children. So he said that good parenting is about being able to entice people to think or not necessarily, you know, being able to get on people's, on people's nerves. And then finally, and this is very, very prophetic is this idea of gentleness, Lucha Subhan Allah Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Yokote, maca and roof of a che in Illa Zanna Manos Yamin che Illa, Shanna it say that wherever gentleness is present, it beautifies everything.

And whenever anything, gentleness has been taken away from them, it just that it makes it really look ugly. Unfortunately, sometimes, the inherently beautiful, can look ugly because of the rudeness. And that which is inherently ugly can look beautiful, because of the gentleness. Ask little kids

when they hear or when they tell me. I hate Salah time at home,

you should see the way that my dad tells us to come and pray. I hate Salah time at work, what happens at that all the yelling that takes place, all the name calling that takes place. And accusations of being lazy and accusations that what in the world is going on today even though despite the fact that we may be calling them to something that is good said that the reality of it is that sometimes when gentleness is not present, even that which is inherently group good, has the potential of just being unwanted, undesired, simply because of the approach that it was taking place to it.

So now what happens is, like I said, by no means this is going to fix problems, this is good. But the whole idea is if we really want to see that change, there are small things here and there that can actually be implemented. And what happens is with the gentleness, making sure that our mood is not reflected in the way that we deal with them, meeting people at the emotional state that they are, that they are in, be known to be people who entice people to think and to grow. These are some of the things that it was found out that really help these families succeed. May Allah Subhana Allah grant a successful family sharpell al Amin, and may Allah subhanaw taala increases in understanding

our bill Eiling Aquila, COVID, hide our stockfeed Allah Allah confessed of Rahu in the whole of

hamdu Lillahi wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah, humans were alum and we are sorry, it's been too long nine COVID has been around for too long. And it is having an impact on the well being of families and of children. And unfortunately, with the recent developments, the majority of kids who are physically impacted majority of people who are so it shouldn't say the majority, but of the people that are being impacted greatly at this point, or children and I believe that in Tennessee, I believe it's a 36% of of the people contracting COVID are actually children, mela shantala keep them all safe, er, but I mean, but see with COVID It's not only about the physical impact, but he's also

having an emotional impact. There was a study saying that kids are feeling very lonely, they're feeling very irritated, they're feeling very anxious, and they're feeling very depressed. Because remember, it's not just about not having their school and not being around their children and their friends are not being able to go out and with their freedoms being limited the way that it has been. It is really having an emotional impact on these on these kids. And what we need to do with us as parents, just just literally to two points. Number one, please call it down with the criticism.

Please call it down with the criticism. Because there is so much remember what happens right now is that we are on each other's face for a long time, especially if you're working from home and the kids are going to school at home and every now and then somebody's yelling because the kid was playing a game or they were on YouTube because they needed to be on the classroom. And there is just so much here.

When going back and forth and so much criticism, say, call it down with the criticism, cooling it down with criticism is not an approval of the wrong that is taking place, but really call it down with the criticism. And when you're constantly criticizing me, I just get the sense that you don't like me and I also start not liking myself. And this is not just with the children, even with us adults call it down with the criticism, the practice of gentleness and just giving people some room to to just be themselves creating a safe place where people can just speak about their frustration about their disappointment about their this and their that when people do this, especially in a

controlled setting within their family members. The tendency is that people feel that they've been hurt, somebody knows how they are. Somebody knows how they are feeling. Please be safe. May Allah Subhana Allah keep us and all of our family safe Europa lol I mean, if any of us or our families are not feeling well melas hunt Allah grant us a speedy recovery. If any of us or our loved ones are going through difficult times and Allah subhanaw taala ease our pain, if any of our loved ones or ourselves have lost the way may Allah subhanaw taala bring us back to his way. If any of our loved ones have passed away. May Allah Subhana Allah bless their souls. We want to pray for our brothers

and sisters in Afghanistan, in full of spleen in wherever they may be oppressed wherever there is violence wherever there is poverty, may Allah Subhana Allah ease all of their pain Yarber al Amin and bring peace to the world and to our world Europe. Alameen Robina attina Dunya Hassan Alpharetta hasenhuttl machina Avanade about Allah in Allah Hi mobile Advil so anyway Eater is a CORBA when hand fascia it will mercury will

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