A Guide for the New Muslim Part 9

Jamal Zarabozo


Channel: Jamal Zarabozo

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The speakers discuss the importance of privacy in relationships between individuals and their spouse, including issues of pride and confusion in certain communities. They emphasize the importance of preserving the whole society and family ties for individuals, as well as the importance of marriage in achieving goals. They also discuss the rights of couples in Islamic marriage, including the role of the head of the household in guidance and the need to fulfill all rights. The speakers emphasize the importance of achieving all rights to the marriage, including the ability to see who truly is in control, and being willing to fulfill all rights.

Transcript ©

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hamdulillah hamdu Lillah wa salatu salam ala Amina Mohammed

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Mohammed Abu

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shall in today's lecture, we're continuing with our discussion of the overall behavior, and the ethics and the interrelation. between Muslims and others.

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We finished our discussion on the love relationship between a Muslim and his parents,

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particularly discuss the case of non Muslim parents.

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Now, gela, I want to discuss

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the relationship and the interaction between a Muslim

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and his or her spouse.

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And I'm going to spend a little bit of time on this topic because

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as I've been mentioning to the whole idea is to really internalize Islam, internalize our beliefs internalize these, these teachings that we claim to believe in.

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And to see

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these beliefs manifested in our behavior,

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in one area, in particular, where

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the individual and especially in the case of the men,

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especially in the case of the men, and just what I've seen,

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in one area, in particular might be the case where he has this outward show of Islam.

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And he's demonstrating that he is a Muslim, but when it comes to the relationship between him and his wife,

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we find that he is very lacking when it comes to applying Islam in this relationship.

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And this is, of course, one of the most private relationships that somebody has. In general, only the the man and his wife,

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two spouses know what goes on between them until maybe sometimes it gets to a point that others are bound to find out what is going on.

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So this is like a private arena.

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And one of the best ways of knowing whether or not you have tough one, whether or not you really internalize your slump is when you feel listened to what data and you will be listened to with data as consistently when you are alone or in private, or at least outside of the eyes of the majority of the people.

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As compared to when you are out in public.

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When you inshallah can reach that state where your private worship your actions, which are outside of the eyes of most of the people

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are as good and as consistent with the actions that you're doing publicly, then inshallah you're reaching a good state.

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But if your private actions, and I'm included among that, the way you treat your spouse,

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as is mostly just between you and your spouse,

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are not reflective of the overall Islamic behavior. This shows that there is a real shortcoming in your application and your understanding of Islam.

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And in reality, to be absolutely frank,

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I have visited a number of communities in the United States.

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And in those communities in which

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the majority of the community are made up of converts to Islam.

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I have found that the relationship between the husband and wife many times is not based on Islamic principles.

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And there's lots of problems. There's lots of issues between the husband, the husbands and the wives and those kinds of communities.

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And many times,

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many times, of course, many things happen, especially in communities, which are made up of mostly conference. Many things happen based on ignorance. Now, they're not really certain of the Islamic law. They're not they don't they do not know what is Islamic law. While other times it is simply not a case of ignorance, but it is simply a case of the person.

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And as I said, in most cases, I've seen it as the man but obviously, there's also cases where it is the woman.

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Many cases is simply the case where the man is going to behave the way he wants to behave,

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regardless of what Islam teaches and work regardless of what Islam demands of him, or he tries to interpret the teachings of Islam in such a way

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that it makes him like the king of the household and he feels like he can do anything with respect to his wife.

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And amazingly, sometimes it seems, from the some of the cases that have been brought to me and some of the questions that we received

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It seems that many times the women also do not even know what's, what are their rights and what they should do in this situation.

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For example, many times I've seen cases where

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the wife is supporting the husband.

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The wife is as children's with the husband and is taking care of those children.

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And even in some cases, unfortunately, even in some cases, the husband is

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fooling around as they see.

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And then the wife has the question, she comes to the mom or whatever, and she has the question that, you know, I asked my husband for divorce, and he refused. And what can I do?

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Let me see now you're, you're supporting him and giving him children taking care of the children, and he's fooling around on you. And he refuses to vote to divorce you what a shocker.

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Of course, what do you expect in that situation?

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What's in reality, they don't even know what are their own rights, they don't even know what steps they have available to them. And unfortunately, even within the community itself, many times they don't know what are the proper steps. So these are some issues

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that afflict

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a number of conference. And as I said, especially in those communities in which the converse or a large number or the majority of the community,

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sometimes even make up the whole community, these kinds of issues become very big problems.

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And so therefore, it is important for us

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in this series here,

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even though it is a guide for the new Muslim, I think it is important for us to

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discuss some of the aspects, some detail about the relationship between a Muslim husband and Muslim life.

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First of all, I think everyone knows that marriage is a very important institution in Islam.

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The family is considered the nucleus for the society as a whole.

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And we spoke about earlier that the Islamic law, what is known as the Sharia

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has certain goals and certain necessities that it's trying to meet for society and for individuals. And one of those five things that tries to achieve and tries to preserve and tries to implement is the preservation of the family and the family ties and so forth.

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So, it is you can say a foundation for the society as a whole

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and inshallah, if the families are in a good state,

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inshallah, the whole society would be in a good state. But if the family is crumbling,

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the family is crumbling, then you can expect you should not be surprised

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that maybe the whole society itself is really crumbling.

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Now all of a sudden with that, in the Quran,

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refers to marriage many times and refers to the relationship between husband and wife.

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And in fact, Allah subhana wa tada points out that the love and the affection

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that he has created in the hearts of the spouses towards one another is actually one of his great signs.

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It's one of the things that people should reflect upon.

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They can look at this aspect of creation and be reminded of the greatness of Allah's work and power and the perfectness of his creation, and the magnificent mercy that Allah subhana wa tada has placed in this world.

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So let's run with dialysis.

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Among his sizes,

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that he created for you wise from among yourselves, that you may find repose and comfort in them, and he is put between you affection and mercy.

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Barely and that are indeed signs for people who reflect.

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Hello also says, Who are you?

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It is He Who created you from a single soul.

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And then he has created from him his wife, in order that he might enjoy the pleasure of living with her.

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If you just

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think about these two verses in the Quran,

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you see that when Allah subhana wa tada speaks about marriage and speaks about

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What the relationship between the husband and wife should be like, Allah speaks about it as finding comfort in one another.

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And, and in the fact that there's affection and mercy between the two.

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And he's pointing these out as, as some of the science of the greatness of his creation.

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So right away, you know that if a marriage between two Muslims does not have any of these qualities to it does not have any of these characteristics to it, you know that there's something not quite right. This is not the kind of marriage that Allah subhanho wa Taala, has ordained for human beings.

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And in particular, beyond that, Allah subhana wa Tada, specifically,

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addressing men, addressing the husbands, or is them to treat their wives and a confession.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala says,

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in concert with your wives and a goodly manner, for if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which Allah might yet make a source of abundant good.

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And that's the problem sometimes with men, they find little something that they don't like in their wives and, and that leads them to mistreat their wives or not behave properly towards their wife. But Alyssa, kind of without warning about that,

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that you must treat your wives in a kind manner. And if there's something that you dislike, you don't know, though, the overall aspect of being married to a woman and having a good, specially good and pious wife, obviously, this is going to be a good thing.

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And so let them handle what Donna has described marriage in this way.

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Scholars throughout the history of Islam have spoken about the purpose of marriage in Islam.

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What is the purpose behind marriage? What is what is the what are some of the goals behind marriage from an Islamic perspective,

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it is not simply a matter of fun, you know, just to release your

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sexual drive or something of that nature, obviously,

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part of the goal in reality is to satisfy that in a way that is proper, and in a way that is correct in a way that has been sanctioned by the Creator,

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as opposed to how many people

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satisfy those needs.

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But beyond that, there's many, many other aspects to it.

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Including also the goal of procreation of having children,

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and making this species continue.

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the attainment of one's complete maturity, with with the with the marriage also comes heavy responsibilities. And these responsibilities when the person realizes them

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at least three theoretically, when he's supposed to realize them, this makes the person become more mature as he as he realizes that you know, this life is serious and there's certain things that you have to take care of in this life.

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But also the husband and wife should be helping one another, they should be supportive of one another, making this life a prosperous life

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in many different ways, in particular, from a religious from a spiritual point of view, they should be helping one another to increase their closeness to Allah subhanaw taala.

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They should be working with one another together to bring up a generation

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next generation in a way that is conducive for the society as a whole.

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To make sure that Islam the religion of Allah subhana wa tada continues to be practiced, continues to be spread. And so

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there are many goals and purposes behind marriage, many people they enter into marriage.

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You know, there they only have like one or two goals that they are thinking of with respect to marriage, and that's all that they expect to get out of marriage. And that's all that's really of importance to them.

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And this is a mistake, this is a great mistake. And this also can lead to many, many problems along the way.

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And the Quran, Allah subhanho wa Taala has also explained who it is that a Muslim may marry.

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Example in Surah Nisa, verses 22 through 24.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala gives a list of those people.

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Of those women home some cannot marry.

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But in particular, there's a couple of issues

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There are of extreme importance for Muslim Congress, especially those living in a non Muslim as

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we've already discussed the question of remaining with non Muslim spouses.

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And one of them is the question of marrying a woman who is not just

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general Of course, if you are a pious Muslim or you want to be a pious Muslim,

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whether male or female, but in particular male in all the prophets of Salaam has, has told us that one of the most important things you should look for in a wife

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if you marry a pious wife inshallah you will be successful,

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that she will help you with respect to your deen and that is, she will help you with respect to your religion. That is the most important aspects of this world.

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What still, sometimes some people

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know because sometimes marriage is affected by not always by rational things, but many times it's more emotional than anything else.

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So sometimes, Muslim men

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may want to marry a woman whom he knows really is not chaste.

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And the scholars have differed over this question about whether or not it is allowed to marry a woman who is not chased.

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Majority of the scores

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majority the scores actually say that it is something disapproved of is simply disapproved up.

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While some other scholars say that it is forbidden

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and the difference of opinion among the scholars revolves around interpretation of the verse in the Quran, in which Allah subhana wa tada says,

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For a cater marries none, but a fornicators. Or posit polytheistic woman,

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and the fornicators marries none but a fornicator, or qualities, such a thing is forbidden for the believers.

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So as I said,

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a large number of scholars that actually understand this verse to mean that it is something blameworthy, but it is not primitive.

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And one of the reasons that the they say that is because there's also a Hadith of the process

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in which a man came to the province of Solomon, he said that he has a wife, who is the most beloved of all people to him. But she does not keep the hands of other men from touching

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the province I said, I'm said divorce,

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the man said, but I cannot live without her basically.

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And then the process and him said, then enjoy her with that deficiency.

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That is the state that you're in, then the process and I'm said, then you have to

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continue to stay with her while she has this characteristic. That is not good. So

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now, as I said, a number of the other scholars say that no, it is not allowed to marry a woman who is known to be to be unchaste.

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They say that you cannot marry such a woman until she repents. And it is very clear that she is prevented from that act.

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On she she has shown remorse for act and she doesn't and she no longer continues to engage in illegal sexual intercourse or anything of that nature.

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And this is the opinion of ad hominem, and Hanbal. And some other scores. We talked about the hanbali. School. And this seems to be actually the strongest thing.

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First of all, the Hadith that I just quote, it

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might have been Hanbal, who was again, specialist from Hadith. He said that this hadith is not authentic.

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even assuming it is authentic, it does not give the impression actually that it does not really say that she's involved in illegal sexual intercourse. Or maybe she's like nowadays some that someone you might call a big flirt or something of that nature.

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It does not necessarily imply that she's doing that kind of act. And so therefore, the verse in the Quran in which Allah subhana wa tada clearly states that such women are not allowed for the believer. I think the verse in the Quran is very clear. And this hadith as we said,

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is not an acceptable Hadith or even if it is, even if we assume it is acceptable, it does not really say

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That this woman is committing the SEC. So therefore, there's no strong evidence to say that it is not forbidden.

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That is not that is less than forbidden to marry an unjust one, I

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think in this regard with respect to a Muslim convert,

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especially if a person is new to Islam and has not really grown much in Islam,

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it might be very easy for that individual to slip.

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And obviously, having a wife who was tempting him to slip in one way or another, you know, this is a very dangerous and precarious situation.

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So I think, especially for a recent conference,

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he or she above, above, anyone else would really want to make sure that they don't get into this kind of relationship. Because this kind of relationship may not simply harm their Islam, but this kind of relationship could actually eventually destroy their Islam completely.

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And so therefore, I think, inshallah, it is important for new Muslims to avoid any spouse of a moral character, and I'm talking either of a man or woman,

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as, again, this will be something dangerous in their particular situation.

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Now, another important question is whether or not it is allowed, especially in non Muslim societies, like what we're living in now, in the United States, is it allowed for Muslim men

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to marry a Jewish or Christian woman?

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This question of a Muslim man marrying a Jewish or Christian woman, especially in a non Islamic Society, like what we're living in here, as opposed to atomic state and Islamic State, you know, the overall laws are those of Islam. So if you're married the Jewish or Christian woman, and there's some problem between them, then the child is still going to be brought up as Muslim and so forth. Because those are the laws of the state. But here, if he marries a Jewish or Christian woman, and they have children, and then there's a problem in the marriage, then probably, children are going to end up with the woman and they're not going to be brought up as Muslim and so forth. So they had a

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lot of issues involved. Among the scholars, there's quite a bit of debate about whether or not it is allowed to marry this woman in the first place. Majority do allowed because it is very clear from a verse in the Quran.

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In chapter five, verse five, that it is allowed for Muslim men to marry Jewish or Christian woman, while the minority minority of the scholars, they either prohibited or they lay down very strong conditions for it to be acceptable.

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Again, I don't wish right now to get into that debate. That could take quite a bit of time to discuss all of that. But I'll just go back to the point that I just made with respect to an unchaste, woman

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unchaste spouse,

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because once again, especially if you're new to Islam,

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especially if you are new to Islam, I mean, one of the one of the people who might influence you the most in your life, the one who's closest to you is going to be your spouse.

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And so therefore, the idea of someone who's new and Islam, marrying a Jewish or Christian woman,

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is really concerned about his Islam and really wants to grow on Islam, and this is them, then this would probably not be the best thing for him to do,

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he probably should avoid it. But as a kind of advice, I would say definitely, the Muslim man, especially the the recent convert, the one who is still a relatively new Muslim, this should be something that he should avoid,

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as it may open up the doors to many kinds of temptation, and even to him, reverting from his new faith, as you cannot expect Jewish and Christian woman to necessarily support him in his faith and help him grow in his faith and so forth. So, therefore, he should refrain from marrying such women. And as I said before, also he should try to look for pious was the woman who will inshallah help him develop in his Islam.

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And of course, for a Muslim woman who was a convert to Islam. That case it is very clear there is a consensus all of the scholars agree upon this fact that it is forbidden for a Muslim woman to marry a non Muslim male. This is clear in the Quran. And as some scholars say, if anybody believes that such a marriage is permissible, they are actually contradicting the Quran.

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And so therefore, if the woman wants to grow in Islam and apply Islam and so forth, this is going to be very difficult with her having a non Muslim husband, who is going to be like the leader of the family and so forth. Where to discuss the case of what happens if she becomes Muslim while she's already married to a man and so forth. We discussed that already. Known

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Repeat that here.

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Now let me speak a little bit about the rights of the husband and the wife. And again, the reason why I'm going into this kind of detail here,

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as I alluded to earlier is because one spouse is also one his brother or sister and Islam.

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Therefore, all of the rights of Muslims, you know, when you think about you entered into Islam, and now you're part of this big brotherhood and this big sisterhood,

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but also the men that you may do, or the woman that you're married to,

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if there are Muslims, they're also part of this,

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the brotherhood and sisterhood of Islam.

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So therefore, all of the rights,

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all of the rights and all of the respect, and all the kind treatment and all the good behavior, that are deserved by any Muslim has been part of Islam are obviously deserved by one spouse.

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So therefore, you have to start,

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you have to start with that premise.

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You cannot, you cannot abuse your spouse, simply because that's your spouse.

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And you have special rights over them and so forth. No, still, this is your brother or sister in Islam.

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And the prophet SAW, Selim has told us, none of you truly believes

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until he loves for his brother, what he loves for himself.

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And, of course, there's also another principle in Islam, that those people who are closest to you for, by legal ways, or by relationship, and so forth, they have even more rights upon you.

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So if this is true with with respect to the general Muslim, that you're supposed to love for your fellow Muslim, what you love for yourself, then obviously, this has to be true with respect to your spouse as well.

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I think even if you just if you just start with this premise, and keep this premise in mind, I think it'll have a good effect, it'll have a good influence on the family.

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And secondly, also, when, when speaking about the rights of husbands and wives,

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you know, I don't know how many how many communities I've visited in there, and they want this lecture on the rights of the husbands and wives. But remember that the relationship between houses between the husbands and the lives cannot be some kind of cold, legal relationship, that is not what is meant, as we described, Allah subhanaw taala is describing the relationship between them as being one of love and mercy and affection.

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Well, it's not just some kind of law book, oh, look into my right, this is your right, you didn't do this, you didn't do that. And so therefore, you should get this or that punishment. But within the family, they should realize that actually, both of them have shortcomings.

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If the wife is not fulfilling all of the rights of the husband, I, I can assure you in most cases, also, the husband is not completely fulfilling all the rights of the wife.

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So instead of being like to being like two lawyers fighting against each one another, they should realize that they should be working together to make each one of them happy, and to make their family successful as a whole.

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And the policy system in particular, spoke to husbands, because husbands have a greater authority in the family, the father said and spoke to husbands and spoke to them directly about how they have to be good to their wives.

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Like for example, the prophets I send him said Heroku Heroku, nearly one Heroku

00:28:37--> 00:28:56

policy Salam said the best of you is the one who was best was wife, and I'm the best of you to my wife. As I said, one of the key signs that you are internalizing Islam is is how you're dealing with these people who are closest to you. So the prophets I send them said, it said that the best of you are the ones who are the best your way.

00:28:57--> 00:29:08

Because if you're really internalizing and practicing this Islam to the one who is so close to you, and that you're in so much contact with, this is a sign that really you are among the best of those.

00:29:10--> 00:29:17

And in other occasions, the prophets, I send them to this advice again, that you must treat women well.

00:29:18--> 00:29:21

So keep this in mind when we when we talk about

00:29:22--> 00:29:24

the rights of the husbands and the wives.

00:29:25--> 00:29:39

As I said, the rights and the husband's wife these are true rights that have been given by Allah subhana wa Tada. What we don't find in the example of promises, and they are that they're meant to be sources of dispute, and causes of fighting and so forth.

00:29:40--> 00:29:49

But they're meant to guide the husband and the wife so that they can construct the family that is the best family, for themselves and for society. for society as a whole.

00:29:50--> 00:29:53

We can start with the why the rights of the wife.

00:29:54--> 00:29:58

And obviously the rights of the wife means these are the obligations of the husband

00:30:01--> 00:30:05

One of the rights of the wife is that she has the right to receive the proper dollar

00:30:06--> 00:30:07

is known as the math.

00:30:08--> 00:30:10

Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran

00:30:34--> 00:30:43

and give the woman the dollar with a good heart. But if they have their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you take it and enjoy it without fear of any harm.

00:30:45--> 00:30:57

So Allah subhanaw taala says you should feel good, I mean, should give freely this dollar to the woman, you know, some Muslim societies nowadays, unfortunately, still, the woman usually doesn't receive the map.

00:30:59--> 00:31:06

They say, okay, the man will be paid either upon divorce or the death of the husband, and even then sometimes she doesn't receive it.

00:31:07--> 00:31:10

This is one of the rights of the wife and it is important to fulfill this right.

00:31:12--> 00:31:13

Secondly, also,

00:31:15--> 00:31:20

the wife has the right to be fully and completely financially maintained by her husband.

00:31:21--> 00:31:25

As long as I alluded to earlier, this is one of the biggest complaints

00:31:26--> 00:31:27

that I have found

00:31:28--> 00:31:35

from Muslim women, and especially as I said, from Congress to Islam, that their husbands simply do not

00:31:36--> 00:31:37

financially maintain them.

00:31:39--> 00:31:49

And in fact, in some cases, the husbands as though the wives, you know, especially if they're like a second or third or fourth wife to go on welfare, and this is what they what they live off of.

00:31:51--> 00:31:53

And this is absolutely wrong in the Sharia.

00:31:54--> 00:31:59

It is the obligation of the man to financially maintain

00:32:00--> 00:32:00

the life.

00:32:03--> 00:32:04

Allah subhanho wa Taala says,

00:32:26--> 00:32:35

men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more strength than the other. And because they support them from their means.

00:32:37--> 00:32:41

And what's amazing, many men, they they want their rights, and they want to be the head of the household.

00:32:42--> 00:32:52

And it is clear that part of the reason that they are supposed to be the head of the household is because they are the ones maintaining the household, they are the one financially maintaining the house.

00:32:53--> 00:32:55

And this is a write of the wife,

00:32:57--> 00:33:11

right to the wife can demand from the husband that that she is properly taken care of, in a financial sense, she cannot overburden the man. And much of this is based on you know, their level of living customs and so forth.

00:33:12--> 00:33:17

But she has the right to demand of the husband that he maintains.

00:33:19--> 00:33:23

One woman came to the prophet SAW Salem and complained about her husband

00:33:25--> 00:33:34

and said that her husband was very stingy and was not maintaining her property. And she asked if she could take from his wealth without his knowledge.

00:33:36--> 00:33:37

Promise I sent him I said take

00:33:38--> 00:33:43

bullets to take what is sufficient for you and your child according to what is customary.

00:33:46--> 00:33:49

So even taking from the husband's world without his knowledge,

00:33:50--> 00:33:52

this is permissible

00:33:53--> 00:33:55

if the husband is being stingy,

00:33:56--> 00:34:02

and the husband is not providing for the wife in a way that is customarily how he should provide for

00:34:03--> 00:34:06

and by the way, this is one of the aspects of Islamic law.

00:34:08--> 00:34:25

As I said Islamic law is flexible, it can cover all times and places. And one of the ways that it does that is that sometimes it leaves things to what is customary and accepted among the people and recognized among the people. Now of course, the condition of blindness is that it does not

00:34:27--> 00:34:28

contradict the Sharia.

00:34:29--> 00:34:33

The people have some kind of customer that conflicts the area then the customers

00:34:34--> 00:34:37

is negated is considered illegal.

00:34:39--> 00:34:41

But like the level of living,

00:34:42--> 00:34:51

how much how much maintenance how much should life receive this is based on their standard of living the society that they're living in the culture they're living in, so forth.

00:34:52--> 00:35:00

So in different places in different times. She will be she'll be having the right to demand different levels of living the

00:35:00--> 00:35:02

Depending on the circumstance

00:35:03--> 00:35:09

number three, she has the right to be treated in a proper and kind manner. This is her right?

00:35:10--> 00:35:14

This is actually her right? Allah subhana wa Tada, says,

00:35:38--> 00:35:38


00:35:40--> 00:35:44

and consort with your wives in a godly manner, as we described earlier.

00:35:45--> 00:35:56

For if you dislike them, it may well be that you dislike something which alone might yet make a source of abundant good. So this is a command from Allah subhanaw taala, and consort to be with your wives in a good manner.

00:35:57--> 00:36:00

And this is actually a rite of the world.

00:36:03--> 00:36:07

Number four, she has the right to sexual relations.

00:36:09--> 00:36:12

There's a hadith in which a woman came to the province and said him

00:36:14--> 00:36:16

said that her husband has no need food.

00:36:18--> 00:36:24

During the day, he would fast and at night, he would pray all night. And the prophet SAW Selim told him,

00:36:26--> 00:36:29

told him that the process of himself is the best example to follow.

00:36:31--> 00:36:47

And the prophet SAW Selim said, told him that actually your wife has a right upon you, and your body has a right upon you. So I told him to pray and sleep and fast and to break his first wife has right upon speaking about the rights of the woman, Allah subhanho wa Taala says,

00:36:54--> 00:37:02

and they have rights. In other words, the women have rights over their husbands, similar to those over them according to what is reasonable. And so.

00:37:03--> 00:37:06

So actually, the rights that the wife has, in general are very similar,

00:37:08--> 00:37:12

very similar to the rights that the men have over her.

00:37:13--> 00:37:22

Number five, she has the right to privacy. In other words, her secrets, especially for example, with respect to sexual relations between them,

00:37:23--> 00:37:28

she has the right that obviously, this will be kept just between the husband and the wife, and so forth.

00:37:29--> 00:37:35

And she has the right to being taught or learning her religion, she has the right to be taught or learning.

00:37:37--> 00:37:55

And the scholars discussing again, we don't have the time to discuss all of these in great detail with the scholars have discussed what this means and how she may even leave the house and go to the mosque to attend the lecture, if in fact, her husband is not providing some other means for her by which she'll got get the knowledge of this religion.

00:37:57--> 00:37:58

He has the right to learn this religion,

00:38:00--> 00:38:01

he has the right to learn this religion.

00:38:04--> 00:38:14

And the husband, if he is a good husband, of course, he wants his wife to learn the religion and know the religion, this will actually make her a better wife, this should inshallah make the relationship between them even better.

00:38:15--> 00:38:21

And so in general, there should be no reason why a husband is keeping his wife from learning the religion,

00:38:22--> 00:38:41

let's see is trying to pull the wool over our eyes, and maybe he's trying to do something improper with respect to her. But otherwise, in general, there's no reason why a man would try to keep his wife from learning the religion. Now, how in what ways does she does he provide for her? That's a different issue.

00:38:42--> 00:39:18

I mean, nowadays, for example, he could buy lectures, he could buy books, and so forth. And, you know, it could provide in many different ways. And he's providing for her without her necessarily choosing the way that she wants it or that she's going to go to this lecture and listen to this shack or this mosque, you know, some 100 miles away or something of that nature, is there other kind of issues. And again, the Muslim spouses, they should always keep in mind that their goal is unity and affection and compassion between one another. And all of these kind of issues should be able to be worked up properly.

00:39:19--> 00:39:24

Those are some of the rights of the wife in Islamic marriage

00:39:25--> 00:39:26

and the rights of the husband,

00:39:28--> 00:39:28

which would

00:39:30--> 00:39:33

correspond with the be also then the responsibilities the woman.

00:39:36--> 00:39:40

First one that many scholars point out when they write books on the rights of the husband and the wife

00:39:43--> 00:39:50

is that the husband has the right of being the head of the household. And again, this is based on the verse that we read a little bit earlier.

00:40:04--> 00:40:05


00:40:08--> 00:40:08


00:40:11--> 00:40:23

men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given them one more strength than the other and because they support them from their means. So now this being the head of the household, as I said, people speak about this as the right to the house.

00:40:25--> 00:40:29

In reality, from an Islamic perspective, when you really think about it,

00:40:30--> 00:40:34

this is the heavy responsibility on the shoulders of the man.

00:40:36--> 00:40:37

He is the head of the household.

00:40:38--> 00:40:51

That means that it is his responsibility to guide the family in the proper way, it doesn't mean that he can just be the king in order to his wife to do this and that. And that's because he's the head of the house.

00:40:52--> 00:41:03

First of all, we don't find that example in the life of the promises. And that is not how the promise I sent him behaved with respect to his wives. And so obviously, that is not what is meant by this.

00:41:04--> 00:41:07

But in reality, as I said, it is a heavy responsibility.

00:41:09--> 00:41:35

If someone is appointed, or chosen as the leader of a community, the Emir of a community, you know, he should not look at that, as this is now my right on the head of the community. And I can tell him to do whatever I want them to do, I would hope no one would do that. Instead, he would look at this as this is a grave responsibility for which he will be held responsible for when he meets Alyssa. And with that.

00:41:38--> 00:41:56

In fact, as the prophets I sent him said about the household could look on Brian, that all of you are like shepherds, all of you have flocks. And all of you will be asked about your flock. In other words, all of you have responsibilities. And all of you will be asked about your responsibilities. And the man will be asked about his family.

00:41:57--> 00:42:03

So yes, he is the head of the household, and in the sense that the final decision is going to rest with him

00:42:04--> 00:42:08

concerning some issues in which and even then he should discuss with his wife,

00:42:09--> 00:42:19

consult with his wife and consult with others that it's going to affect But eventually, if there's some need for a final decision, eventually he's going to have to make the final decision.

00:42:21--> 00:42:26

But it does not mean that he's the head of household, that means he's the king and anything he says go.

00:42:28--> 00:42:37

And obviously again, if he asked, or if he ordered something that is in disobedience to Allah subhanho wa Taala, then there's absolutely no obedience to what he isn't.

00:42:39--> 00:42:45

As opposed to Islam has told us there is no obedience to the creative, if it involves disobedience to the Creator.

00:42:48--> 00:42:58

So that is, the first write that people know the people mentioned, the T has the right of being the head of the household. And related to that is he has the right to be obeyed.

00:42:59--> 00:43:15

Right, this goes with the first read, if he really is the de facto and de jure head of the household, then obviously this means that when he finally does have to make a decision that affects the family, then his decision has to be accepted, it has to be obeyed, it has to be implemented.

00:43:17--> 00:43:20

He also has the right to sexual intercourse.

00:43:21--> 00:43:25

And here this is probably more stressed in his case than the case of the woman in the text.

00:43:27--> 00:43:29

The prophet SAW Selim has mentioned, for example,

00:43:30--> 00:43:43

that if a man calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses to come, then the angels cursor until the morning, so he has this right to sexual intercourse and the wife, the wife should not refuse, the wife should not refuse.

00:43:44--> 00:43:46

Now, this doesn't mean of course, that

00:43:47--> 00:44:02

it should do something that may cause harm to the to the woman. And of course, there's some limits to the actual to the sexual acts within Islam and so forth. But in general means that it is part of the role of the wife that when the husband needs to fulfill this,

00:44:04--> 00:44:06

this need that she has to respond to the husband.

00:44:08--> 00:44:20

And fourthly, also, the wife, part of the rights of the husband upon the wife is that the wife will not allow anyone in their household except by his permission, by the husband's permission.

00:44:21--> 00:44:39

As the professor said him said, Do not allow anyone into his house, except by his permission told the woman told the wife that she is not to allow anyone into the household except by the permission of the husband. This is one of his rights. This is one of his rights.

00:44:42--> 00:44:44

Now, let me speak a little bit also about

00:44:45--> 00:44:52

how marriage is dissolved, so to speak. That's the proper term, I guess, and Islam.

00:44:54--> 00:44:59

And as I said, this is important Unfortunately, this is important because as I said, there are many issues

00:45:00--> 00:45:26

Within the Muslim communities, unfortunately, you know, as I said in the in the first lecture, a lot of the communities here, they're run by volunteers, they don't have necessarily experts running the community. And because of that, there are a lot of things that are done in the Muslim community that are not necessarily proper. And one of the issues, as I alluded to earlier, is this question of what should be done, when the marriage is not working out.

00:45:28--> 00:45:32

Because, as we said, Islam is a practical religion,

00:45:33--> 00:45:48

in the sense that Islam takes human beings as they are, and improves them, but realize that sometimes things do not always work out between human beings. And when things do not work out between human beings. Also, in those cases, Allah has given us guidance about what should be done.

00:45:51--> 00:45:58

We thought we spoke about what kind of what kind of relationship there should be between the husband and the wife

00:45:59--> 00:46:04

from an Islamic perspective, but sometimes it is simply the case that that cannot be achieved.

00:46:06--> 00:46:16

And so therefore, it's them as opposed to like, you know, the history of Catholicism. Islam does not require that those the husband and the wife remain in a state of misery.

00:46:18--> 00:46:25

But Islam instead recognizes the fact that there could be a need for the husband and the wife to separate.

00:46:26--> 00:46:35

And so in general, what you can say is either the husband and the wife would be together and in good terms, or they will separate on good terms.

00:46:36--> 00:46:51

There really is no other option from an Islamic perspective. Either they stay together in a good fashion and on good terms, or they separate on good terms. This is what Allah subhanho wa Taala has commanded in the Quran, Allah subhana wa, tada says, Well, you don't want level two.

00:47:07--> 00:47:11

And when you have divorced women, and they fulfill the term of the prescribed period,

00:47:12--> 00:47:21

either take them back on a reasonable basis, take them back in a good manner, or set them free on a reasonable basis, or set them free in a good manner. And a lot also says,

00:47:39--> 00:47:47

Then when they're about to fulfill their term appointed bringing an end to the divorce, either take them back in a good manner, or part with them in a good manner.

00:47:49--> 00:48:20

This is the command from Alyssa. And with that, either you stay together in a good way, if it is not working, if it is not working, then don't out of pride don't out of pride or arrogance or whatever, stay together. And especially by the way, usually, it's many times it's one party that is suffering, and the other one forces them to stay in the marriage. Usually the husband, obviously, this is incorrect, either be with him in a good way, if you're not being with them in a good way, it is better that the two of you separate and separate on good terms as well.

00:48:21--> 00:48:25

There are basically four ways in which a marriage is dissolved in Islam.

00:48:27--> 00:48:36

One of them is known as the lock. And the lock was usually translated into English as divorce and may not that may not be necessarily a good translation.

00:48:37--> 00:48:39

But Philip has actually the right to the house.

00:48:40--> 00:49:03

And this is where he declares to his wife that you are divorced. And then there are certain laws and regulations that follow after that she enters into a waiting period in which she remains with the husband in the end in the house of the husband. And this is like a cooling off period, you can say that maybe they will get back together, hopefully they'll work out their differences and get back together. Again, I'm not going to go into all of the details of that.

00:49:05--> 00:49:06

But that is the right to the house.

00:49:08--> 00:49:11

And there's also something known as polar.

00:49:12--> 00:49:15

Polar is basically the right of the wife.

00:49:16--> 00:49:34

And this is where the husband may be a good person, and the husband is doing what he's supposed to be doing as as a husband, but just the woman does not like or something of that nature. Just she cannot she does not feel good in the marriage. She just the marriage is simply just not working for.

00:49:35--> 00:49:50

So she can she can arrange with the husband that look, you gave me this dollar or I have this wealth or something. I want to be freed from this marriage. I'll return the dollar to you or we'll make some agreement. I'll give you some wealth and you will free me from this marriage.

00:49:52--> 00:50:00

So that is initiated by the wife. And that is again case where somehow for some reason the

00:50:00--> 00:50:02

Marriage is simply not working out for the wife.

00:50:05--> 00:50:13

Now, third case is a dissolution, or separation that is brought about by the judge.

00:50:14--> 00:50:23

Now, this is the case where there is some problem between the husband and wives were there, what the rights are not being fulfilled,

00:50:25--> 00:50:42

like physical problem with the woman. And he may decide to go to court because the laws are different than if he makes the luck or if he goes to the judge, in case of the woman, if her rights are not being fulfilled, she has the right to go to the judge and say, Look, I'm not getting my rights fulfilled.

00:50:44--> 00:50:58

Here's the proof, here's the evidence. Obviously, you cannot make a judgement unless you take both sides into consideration. Here's the proof. And here's the evidence I want to get out of this marriage, and the judge has the right to bring in into this marriage of her rights are not being fulfilled.

00:51:00--> 00:51:06

And unfortunately, in some communities, the Moscow, for example, will take the initiative to get the two married.

00:51:07--> 00:51:14

But then the Imam or whoever's in charge, will not take the initiative under a case like this, to separate them from an Islamic perspective. And this is wrong.

00:51:16--> 00:51:20

This is completely unjust, I mean, how come you are doing the first step

00:51:21--> 00:51:29

of bringing the two together, and signing papers saying, oh, now you're married, islamically, and so forth. And then when it comes to

00:51:30--> 00:51:48

just as important step, especially if the woman is really being abused, and a rights are not being fulfilled, you have to step up as a community as the man and say, Look, we have this right, in the same way that we had the right to bring the two of you together, we have the right now to say that this marriage has come to an

00:51:49--> 00:52:11

end, the other members have to have to accept what has been said. And this is the area that is missing. And this is why we have many women complaining that they are supporting their husbands. And you know, they asked their husbands for divorce. And obviously they say no, then they have to know what are the rights, they have to know what what they should do, and what else is available to them.

00:52:13--> 00:52:32

And the fourth case, and I told you, there's a fourth case, the fourth case of the solution is if somehow some of the one of the conditions of marriage is broken. And so therefore, one of the conditions of marriage is violated, therefore, the law automatically separates between the husband and the wife, for example, if one of them becomes an apostate,

00:52:33--> 00:52:42

someone plasticizers from Islam, then the marriage contract or the marriage relationship comes to an end automatically by by the law, so

00:52:43--> 00:52:53

don't even have to go to a judge or anything. Now the husband or wife or the husband or the wife, whatever the case might be might say, No, I'm not an apostate. And that's a different issue.

00:52:55--> 00:53:06

I will not get into that. But these are some of the rights these are that are available to the husband and wife and as a Muslim community, we have to be willing to try to fulfill all of them, all of them.

00:53:08--> 00:53:18

But I'll go back to my original point that the more you internalize Islam inshallah, the more it will be internalized with respect to the relationship to the person who is closest to.

00:53:19--> 00:53:26

And this is a sign this is one of the major areas you can look at yourself and see how am I behaving? In this particular?

00:53:27--> 00:53:48

Am I really behaving like a Muslim? In this particular area where others don't see me? It is just me and my wife, and especially for the husband, where he's like in a position of authority, how am I behaving? Am I behaving properly or not? This as I said, this will be in general this will be a good reflection of your practice of Islam as a whole. And on that point, we'll have to stop here.