Channel: Yasmin Mogahed
This lecture was delivered at the 15th Annual MAS-ICNA Convention, McCormic Place on December 27, 2016.
© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.
out of la mina chanology smilla rahmanir rahim Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah wala may be struggling Saudi Arabia Siddeley Omri Washington, Dr. Melissa Ania. phone calling.
how many minutes?
Okay, well, so 20. So I got to talk to you about what is love, and a bit less than 20. So this is a big topic, I'm gonna do my best. And I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do this. This is a huge conversation. And it's a very, very important conversation. Like, I truly believe that there isn't a more important conversation. And that's a big statement. I do not believe that there is a more important conversation than this conversation, which is what is love. And I'm going to tell you why I believe this is such an important conversation, in fact, the most important conversation we can have as human beings. And that is because the way that our Creator designed us is that our greatest
and most powerful motivator is love. Our greatest and most powerful motivator, this is our fifth law, this is our design is love. It is love, ironically, for the wrong things that make nations go and bomb other nations. It is the love of power, it is love of wealth, it is love of domination, it is love that will make a person give up their life for another person. It is love that will make a person shoot another person because they want their sneakers, his love of wealth or love of status. And so we all need to be talking about love. Because love is extremely powerful. And if we love the wrong things in the wrong way we can actually destroy the world. That is that is a fact. And we are
seeing the world getting destroyed. Because of that wrong love for the wrong things. We have entire governments entire nations that have no problem killing women and children because they love to stay in power. We're seeing that right now. So talking about love, this isn't a small topic. This isn't like a you know, we're just sitting here talking about ROM coms. This is a very deeply important topic. And we need to understand what love actually is, and how loving in the wrong way can in fact, not only destroy you, but can destroy the world. So that's big. That's important. I want to begin by saying this, I'm going to narrow my topic to romantic love. Alright, that's what I'm going to talk
about. Now, in the topic of romantic love, I'm going to say a few things. I'm going to list a few mistakes that we make, or a few pitfalls that we fall into, into in terms of this under this topic of romantic love. The first one I'm going to begin with is what I believe is the most important and that is this. It is a mistake that so many people make. It is a mistake I made it is a mistake. I think the sister was saying she made many people make this mistake. And that is this. Allah subhanaw taala created love. And I'm going to put it this way I'll create a different kinds of love. Allah created in it for more clear explanation to simplify. A law created different compartments within
our heart to contain love, and different kinds of love. Now, everything is fine as long as you keep the proper love in the proper compartment. Okay, and i and i said earlier that I'm going to talk a little bit about my book, my book is basically centered around this concept is that there are different compartments within the heart. And each compartment is created for a specific kind of love. And as long as you keep everything in its proper compartment, you'll be okay. But the moment that you put things in the wrong compartment within your heart, that is when the real damage happens. You guys are probably wondering what I'm talking about. I'm going to give you an analogy
before I explain what I'm talking about. Have you all ever gone to a gas station before?
Okay, excellent. And when you get to the gas station, imagine one day you get to the gas station and you and you pull up and you realize that you just think that gas is too expensive that day. But you notice that there's a sign for orange juice and orange juice happens to be on sale because it's because it's sunny delight. It's not real juice. And you say to yourself, you know what? I'm a little cheap. And I'm gonna just put orange juice in my gas tank because it's cheap.
What's gonna happen to your car when you put orange juice in the gas tank instead of gas because it's cheaper. Any anyone? Any mechanics in
The room y'all don't have to be a mechanic to know that you're gonna destroy the car. Fair enough, you're going to destroy the car, not only is it not going to run, but you've actually broken the car, you feel me? Okay.
So within the human heart, there is a compartment just like a gas tank. And that compartment, just like a gas tank is only made to hold a certain type of thing. A gas tank is only created to be able to handle gas filling it up. But if you put orange juice in that gas tank, you destroy the gas tank and you destroy the entire car. Now what does that have to do the human heart? See, there's this part in the heart. And I will call this the lobe of the heart is the very, most central, most inner part of the heart. This isn't normal love. No, this is the center of our existence. This is what I live for. And what I will die for. This isn't just love. This is worship. It's the kind of love that
becomes worship. But it's not worship in the sense that you're praying to this thing. People don't pray to money, but they worship money. And the reason why they do that is because their love of money is in this central part of their heart that was only created for the love of God. So you understand what I'm saying? I'm saying that within the human heart, there's an innermost part, that's like a gas tank. It's only created for gas in this in the case of the heart, it's only created for the love of God, Allah. This is in other words, I'm going to call this an ILA. ILA, when you become Muslim, every single day when you pray, as a believer, you say this every single day,
many times a day you say, La Ilaha, Illa. Allah, what do we even know what we're saying? We don't actually know what we're saying. We're not only saying there's no God, but Allah. Because then you think, okay, there's no creator. But a lot, this is true. But essentially, what we're saying is that there's nothing that goes in the core of the heart, except for Allah, except for God, whatever language you want to say it, the creator, the ultimate, the Almighty is the only one who goes in that central part of my heart and of my life. That's what La ilaha illAllah is at a core level. And that is why a person will become destroyed, destroyed, destroyed, if they put anything else in that
core level, just like the car becomes destroyed when you put orange juice in it. Yeah, just like a car becomes destroyed. Because you put orange juice in the gas tank, a human being a society, a family, the entire world becomes destroyed. If you put anything else in that core level other than God.
What does that mean? It means if I put money there, it means if I put status there, it means if I put power there, it means even if I put another person there, you guys following. I'm talking to a room with a lot of women. And you know, Subhanallah no one teaches us this, I will tell you, I wasn't taught this. Because I was taught you just love. You just love is always just it. Right? It's it's, it's always, I wasn't taught that there's a wrong and a right way to love. I wasn't in my Islamic upbringing, this was not taught to me. And I had to learn it the hard way. And I'm talking blood, sweat, and tears. And that's how Reclaim Your heart happened. By the way. That's how my book
happened. His blood, sweat and tears learning this one lesson, just this one lesson the hard way. And I'm here to tell you the easy way I'm telling you, I'm telling you don't do it. Because what happens is even another human being, and I'm talking now, your spouse, yeah, like your spouse, well, you're supposed to love your spouse. But if you put your spouse in that central most part of the heart that's saved for Allah, and I'll give you examples, you will actually be destroyed. And when I say you'll be destroyed, I mean that you will endure a lot of pain. I'll just put it that way, you will endure a lot of pain and you actually cause a lot of pain. Because no one alive did not create
the human heart to have the capacity to to even contain anything else in that central part of your heart. It's like taking something other than a law and making it an ILA.
Believe me and ILA has not just a stone idol. And ILA is not just a stone idol that you pray to. And ILA is essentially at its root if you study the term, if you study the root of the word Illa. You see that it is anything that you put at the center of your existence, it becomes that which dictates every single thing you do or don't do, it dictates
Why you live, why you die. it dictates how you act and how you don't act. And Ella is a master.
And he let his a master. And the problem is, this is a lesson you'll always have to remember, whatever you love most in life is your master. Simple as that. Whatever you love most in your life is your master. If that is money, that you are a slave to money, if that is your spouse, then you are a slave to your spouse, if it is your children, and now I'm talking about something that's just like blows your mind, as a woman, especially as a mother, and as a father. We definitely ain't taught this, that there's a wrong way to love our children. Why? There is a lot wrong way to love your children. Why do you think we have so many problems with the whole mother in law issue?
Do you want to know the reason? Anybody want to know the reason? This is the reason? It's because the dynamic to begin with from day one was unhealthy. I'm telling you guys something maybe we don't want to hear but it's the truth. That dynamic was was unhealthy from day one. Because that boy, that son of yours was never supposed to be in that part. That part is saved for Allah, your life was never supposed to revolve around your children. I know. It's like, what's your life was never meant to revolve around your children. It's unhealthy. And actually, your life is supposed to revolve around Allah. This is something we're not taught. But it's unhealthy. And it creates unhealthy
circle unhealthy consequences. And yes, that is why we have an issue then when the when the son grows up, and now he's getting married. And all of a sudden there's a competition. There's not supposed to be a competition between a wife and a mom. That doesn't even make any sense. But the fact that there is is only because the dynamic from day one was unhealthy and it was wrong. They taught you that you're supposed to revolve your life around your son, namely your son.
They taught you that that's actually how to be a good mom. It's not how to be a good mom. It's unhealthy. Your life continues to revolve around a law whether you're married or unmarried, whether you're a mother or you're not a mother. And only when your central point in your life is a law. Your greatest and deepest devotion and love is for Allah. Only then only then and Mark my words only then will you have healthy relationships with the creation.
Only then can you have a healthy relationship, in a marriage and and with your children and with your friends and with your colleagues only only if you putting everything in the right compartment. I'm not here to tell you that you're not supposed to love your children for God's sakes. We love our children to death. I'm not here to tell you not supposed to love your spouse. I'm not even telling you not to love money. love these things Allah Subhana Tynan is master made it Helen
but what what does Allah warn us from a low warns us in the end call in Canada about oh come up now. A lot in this area gives us a list of all Hillel things. All hallel things say if your father's meaning your parents, your sons, your children and a loveless eight I think Hillel things to love. And he says your parents, your children, your your your spouse, your siblings
your wealth, your business where you fear decline, or is any of this Helen is any of this home? Does the ASC your boyfriend or your gambling or your drinking habits? No all Helen, but Allah warns us if any one of these things a habit a common Allahu wa Sula is more beloved to you than Allah and His messenger. That's when you face a problem. Because even the Hillel, if it's loved in the wrong way, will cause much damage. And this damage will be to yourself and others. So the first thing I want to say is this, we have to put things in their proper place. When we say let you know Hello Illa Allah when we say there's no Illa except for Allah, what we are saying is that nothing else goes in the
core of our hearts. And in the core of our lives, nothing else do we revolve our existence around except for our Creator. And that can't be our money. It can't be our our business. It can't be even our children or our spouse. It can't be status. It can't be power. It can't be our career. It can't be these things. And I'm going to tell you guys another secret.
Remember how I told you about orange juice in the gas tank? Right?
Um, how do you know? How do you know that you're loving something in the wrong way. I'm going to give you a very easy way to know it's gonna hurt like heck
It's not gonna feel good, it's not gonna feel right, because the car knows that you just put orange juice inside of the gas tank, the car feels it, it doesn't run, right, it actually ain't gonna run, it's not going to run at all. So the way that you and I will know that we have things in the wrong compartment is that we become tormented by that which we put at the center where only a loss should be is that making sense. If that is your business, you will not sleep because of your always your worry about your business. If it's your career, you won't be sleeping, you'll need to start taking pills to just calm yourself down. Because you put and that's a sign, it's because you put it in the
wrong compartment. If it's your children, same things gonna happen, they are going to torture you and not taught them the normal torture. Yeah, I'm talking a different kind of level of torture of torment. If it's your spouse, even your spouse, you'll know because there you'll feel it, you'll feel that pain. And that's Allah subhanaw taala showing us we need to move things around, we need to put Allah back at the center. You know, when I mentioned this whole thing about us mothers when we raise our children, and if we have that dynamic incorrectly, what happens when they get older is it's kind of like well, I did pull off around this boy, my entire life. And now you think you're
gonna come and take him away?
Fair enough. Well, y'all Weren't you weren't supposed to be doing pull off around him ever like that this, this, this concept that your life begins and ends at your son was never healthy. No, that's not what it means to be a good mom. What it means to be a good mother is you have a lot at the center. And then you love your children. And then you love your spouse, and then you love everyone else. But it was at the center, you don't put a lot aside, you don't put salon aside because you got soccer practice you feel me? Oh, but I have to take my kids to Xyz every kind of activity in the universe, but I'm missing my soul. Ah, that means my priorities are off, or I gotta cook this. So
I'm missing Salah. That's, that means that my priorities are off. And you're gonna find this, if someone that you love doesn't like your hijab doesn't like it doesn't look nice, someone you want to marry. Right? Or someone that you're already married to? doesn't like your hijab? Well, now it's a question what's at the center, right? Because you're you're being actually told to choose, we have to make sure make sure that we have the right thing at the center, if it is not aligned is messenger, if it is not Allah and His Messenger, we suffer, and then we make others suffer. So that's the, that's the main thing I want to emphasize. And I actually don't have time to get to the
other points, because I had less than 20 minutes talk about love. But I will say this very quickly. I'll say this very quickly.
I do go into more detail about all this in my book. But something else I want to say quickly, and I won't have much time to emphasize it. Some other pitfalls we fall into when it comes to romantic love. One of the big ones is that we focus on the surface, and we miss what's inside. Now, obviously, in terms of appearance, yes, this is this is an obvious thing. I think many of you already know about this. But there's another level of this, which I've seen and I've experienced, and that is that a lot of times we mistaken, as the sister said, what I call surface romance, we mistaken surface romance for deep connection. And the two are very, very different. See, you might
have a man or a woman who does these things for you these things are these gestures that this that the sister was mentioning the roses and the surprises and all of that. And you may believe you may believe that that means that you have a connection, but there is a very, very big difference between surface romance and deep connection, deep connection is about these are big terms. deep connection is about compatibility. deep connection is about vulnerability. deep connection cannot only just be in these gestures. So I advise you and all those who are looking for example for marriage look deeper. You and And one last thing I want to say I will tell you and everyone who advises you will
tell you look for Dean, look for character. Absolutely those are a must. But I will also tell you that it is not enough. It is not enough.
And I'm going to say this and I know this from experience, what I speak about I know from experience, that it is not enough. And there are many examples. Namely even in our in our tradition, we know for example, great people Zane
aid and Zainab, they were both amazing character, the most amazing, you know, had amazing morals and deed, but they were not compatible. They were not compatible and so they actually got divorced. And so what I want to say to you is that yes, you look for deed, yes, you look for character, but it is it is necessary, but not sufficient, it is not sufficient, you have to have to and I cannot emphasize this enough, you have to look for compatibility, you have to look for compatibility. And I'm not just talking about surface compatibility. I'm not just talking about I'm from Egypt, he's from Egypt. And so we're compatible.
Right? That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about a deeper level of compatibility. And that's again, a whole other discussion on clinically. Heather was Dr. Ali. Welcome in our phone Rahim. subhanak. Hello, we haven't decorated on a line.
Just like last year, very inspiring words, and a lot of questions that came from them.
A lot of questions, thank you. But with that being said, Please don't hold your hopes really high in me asking your questions, because there are lots
of the questions were answered through the talk. So I might not go back to those. And some of the questions are going to be paraphrase, paraphrase, to include multiple questions. So our first question is, how do you put a love back at the center of your heart?
Okay, great question. Next time, we shouldn't only have 20 minutes, right?
This is a this is a huge question. But I'm gonna give you guys the shortest answer I can think of, okay.
So in order to take care of the body, we have certain needs, All right, everybody knows them. One essential most essential need for a body is what?
Before water, you can live for a few days without water, but what can't you live with? Oxygen, folks, you cannot live more than a few minutes without oxygen, okay? And or seconds. Oxygen is essential for you to stay alive physically, you also need spiritual oxygen to stay alive, spiritually, the spiritual oxygen is your Salah, you will you cannot have any relationship you cannot claim to have a relationship, a true deep relationship with your Creator, if you aren't praying, and you aren't paying on time. And that's a fact. And that's just like a fact. You have to pray and you have to pray on time. And that's the most that's the foundation of your your
relationship with the law. That's why it's the first thing you're asked about on the day of judgment as the Prophet I sent him said, if it's if it's an order, then the person will succeed in and if it's not, the person will have failed. The salon is number one, that's your oxygen, it's keeping you alive. Same way, if you know you don't say, um, you know what, I I'm really busy. Today, I'm studying for an exam. So I'm gonna breathe tomorrow.
You don't say I'm gonna breathe tonight, because I'm on Facebook, where I'm at the mall, like it doesn't work out like that. Or I'm in a meeting a very important business meeting. So I'm just going to breathe and a few hours, you feel me, you can't do that physically, you know, you can't do that because you'll die. And it's the same thing spiritually with your Salah, you will not survive unless you are taking the oxygen spiritually of the salaah. And make sure it's on time if I gave you a prescription as a doctor and said, Ma'am, I'm very sorry, you're you're you're very ill, and you need to take this medicine or Sir, you need to take this medicine, it's keeping you alive. But you
have to take it five times a day at certain times. There's no one who's gonna say, Well, today I was busy. So I'll take all five doses before I sleep.
Right? You never gonna do that because otherwise you'll die. No one's gonna say I'm gonna miss a cube a few doses because I had something else to do. You feel me. So I said the essential thing is your Salah. And the more that you can solidify your Salah, the more you will solidify your relationship with Allah, the Salah, you know, first step is doing them and doing them all on time. And then the second step is trying to work on your, on your on your concentration. And one of the biggest parts of learning and building the concentration is learning the unmeaning of what you're saying. Even if you don't speak Arabic, you can learn the meaning of Salah if you were speaking to a
king, or a king gave you a letter and it was in a language you didn't understand you probably go through the effort of at least translating it right? So we have the core en This is the word of not a king but Allah and if we don't understand the language, we need to at least go through the effort of translating it. And the same thing when you're speaking if you have a best friend and you're talking to them, but you're speaking in a language that you don't understand like your speaking Chinese. How close will your relationship be when you're speaking to someone you need to know what you're saying? So when you're speaking in Salatu, Allah subhanaw taala at least learn what you're
Those parts of the Salah the minimum at least. And then I'm going to add something else. And that is that the relationship with the Quran, make sure it's a daily relationship. And that you're understanding you're not just reading but you're understanding again the letter, the example of the letter from the king and allows high above any analogy. And finally, I'll say this, in order to take care of the body, you need to oxygen you need to feed the body, obviously, and the food of the body is the core end and the remembrance of Allah. But you also and I'm going to add one other thing, the of God, if you can add a thought into your daily routine, you will find that your relationship with
Allah Spano tala will become much, much stronger, and your emotional and psychological state will become much more stable. And that's it's also something I've learned experientially. Lastly, you have to protect and clean the body. No one says I, I don't need to take a shower today, because I did that last November or last October. That would be problematic, and no one would want to be around you.
And that's because you know that you have to consistently clean your body because dirt and sweat consistently build on the body, right? And in the same way, our hearts are constantly getting dirt on them from our sins. And that cleaning is is the fun is the repentance that the prophets I send them used to do 100 times a day, right? And then what about us, so we have to constantly be asking for forgiveness, his default, consistently is cleaning, that's that's your shower. All right, internal shower, and protecting the body. We need to protect our ears, our eyes and our tongues because these are the openings to the heart. So that's kind of like in a nutshell like an hour long
lecture. But that's kind of the in a nutshell how to take care of your heart and your and your relationship with a las Phnom Penh
actually took care of a lot of questions.
So perfect. Oh, my next question, or the audience's next question is, how do you deal with those feelings of love when you're unmarried? Especially if there is a love interest involved?
That's a very good question.
How do you deal with matters of the hearts when especially there's a love interest? Mashallah associate I mean, she talks about all of the the, you know, we're talking about the end goal, love. So I'm glad that that covers part of that. But the practical steps of, you know, you have a love interest, you have to ask yourself, Is there something I can actually do about it? Am I at an age where I can actually
Am I is the person that I love? Or have a love interest in? Is he or she? Is he or she at an age where they can get married? Is this something that's feasible? If it's somebody it's not, if you're in a situation where it's not feasible, because of age or because of whatever,
then you It's okay, number one, I should say it's okay, that you have that you think somebody is special, that you have a crush on them? That's normal. Right? But that second question is extremely important. Is there anything I can do about it? Number one, have their reading engaged or married like them and that's it, it's done with Okay, Mashallah. Great. He's a great person I move on.
And, and if it's because of age, or because of, you know, you've tried for so many years, and parents are just saying, No, that's another issue.
You have to move on. It's not the end of the world. Right? If there is something you can do about it, go through the Hillel means don't go through the backdoor. Don't say you know what, I want to really get to know this person for three months, and we're going to meet at Starbucks only. So it's super helpful because the public and then we're going to tell our parents because if I tell my parents ahead of time, they're gonna freak out and they're gonna force me to marry this person for five years.
And then we're gonna be married for five years, like engaged in GIS for five years. And that's another torture that opens a lot of doors for things that could happen right that we've Yes, yes, being engaged for five years is not a good idea. So go through the front door.
Go through the front door, the you know, sisters, if a brother is ready to man up
and go talk to your father or your Willie
you've got the right guy, this is a good start. He says no, no, you know what, like I said, we have to make sure we have a deep connection this deep connection as soon as mean talks about this comes later. You will just want to make sure there's some you know surface compatibility there's some start there's some place that you can start from to move forward. You go through the right channels yes brothers you have to go to the to the system that you're interested in her when he asked for for say may speak to your father may CSC have to do that. If you don't have the courage to do that, and you want to go through the backdoor. Oh,
Ready, the relationship is starting on the wrong foot. So that would be just a few nuggets of advice and charlamagne. Let's want to make that process easy.
And if I could just add something Sorry
I just wanted to add something and that is I'm noticing a trend. more so with the coming generations than my generation, I guess. And that is a lot of people. Just want to chit chat.
You're filming. They just want to chit chat. And they want to keep chit chit chit chatting. Okay, and chit chatting.
And it's really fun, as cool, but don't want to actually commit.
Please, to those people say nobody got time.
Please be yet may realize that your worth, your worth is far too high to waste your time with people just looking to chit chat. Okay.
If a man if a man, as she said is actually serious about wanting to get married, he will want to approach your wellI your father
early on in the whole conversation and if you find that he is absolutely hesitant about that that step, then he may be chit chatter.
And ain't nobody got time for two chatters I promise you.
And so what I'll say to you is please save yourself a lot of headache and heartache and time and don't even go down that road. Alright, so one is, are you at a stage where you can get married? That's very important, obviously. But the other is, is this person actually serious about getting married? Or are they just looking to fill up some time? Because it's fun? And this whole idea of Let's just be friends? Oh, no.
I'm okay. I'm very serious. And I'm looking for marriage. And I'm not interested in just chit chatting. So make sure that you have you know that one of the best, like, indicators is okay. Can you talk to my dad? And and and realize talking to someone's dad doesn't mean you're going to do Nikesh the next day and 24 hours talking to someone's dad is just just means I'm serious about the intention of marriage, it doesn't mean that now you you're lost. That's it, you're committed, you're stuck talking to someone that doesn't mean you're stuck. It just means that I am serious about this process. And that's Danny, we need to reinstitute that, that you know that that tradition, please,
please God, let's go back to that. But we we as women have to kind of have boundaries, not kind of, we really have to have boundaries. And men two brothers too. So I just wanted to add that little thing.
The next questions kind of taking us back towards the beginning of the session and asks concerning the topic of loving yourself. What if you feel like you have no real potential because you're constantly being threatened by perfect, great people? How can you stop comparing yourself to others? Can I say something?
There is no such thing as perfect people. There's no such thing. I promise you. It's a filter. It's a filter. Okay, I'm telling you that this is one of the biggest problems of social media like I mean, I love social media, it's a great tool for so many great things. And I can go on and on about that. But one of the challenges of social media is that it gives the ability to sort of Photoshop your life. Yeah. And if you and they have done studies to find that people who spend more time on social media also have also tend to be more dissatisfied with their own life. And that's because the nature of social media is that you can Photoshop it, you're not you're not you're taking a picture
in the glamorous moments, right. And, and so it gives a very skewed image of a person's life. It even gives a skewed image of a person's face, right? Because not really what they look like. I mean, thank God for these some of these filters, right? But the reality is do not ever ever look at social media and then compare yourself to what this is. It's like comparing yourself to a model in a magazine that has been photoshopped. Like literally, she they took like an eraser. I'm not exactly um, they took an eraser and they took off parts of her waist, and then took off parts of her arm and they enlarge certain parts you feel me. That's what they do with Photoshop. But that's the same
thing with social media. So number one, no one's life is perfect.
No one is perfect. You're not perfect, and neither is anyone else. We have to start to accept and love ourselves, accept and love the way Allah designed us a lot did not design us as perfect because he already has angels, right? We're not even designed, sinless. That's the design of Allah, it's not a mistake, you understand what I'm saying? A lot didn't do it by mistake, Allah has a design and a plan for us. And his design and his plan is that we will make mistakes, but the best of us are those who repent are those who get back up when they fall. But to say that there are people out there, they just don't fall they hover, you know, this is the problem. Like we have this weird kind of idea
even about like, like our, our public figures and our shoe and our teachers that they don't actually walk on the earth. They hover, you know, they they just they're like part of the a different kind of realm. That's not true. That's not true. They're just as human as everyone else. Even prophets were human. Allah subhanaw taala sent prophets as human beings for a reason, so that it's the same as us, we can relate. So no, don't don't fall into that deception of thinking that anybody's perfect.
Our final question for the night inshallah, the question states that there have been marriages that have fallen due to two religious spouses. So how can we stop this other extreme form of relationships?
other extreme, so it's instead of someone who loves to who loves their spouse too much. It's like, because I love God too much. I can't give you that affection. Oh, dear god.
All right. This is like my chance to rant.
All right, my people
know, that's messed up. So here's the thing, I'm going to tell you guys a big secret, okay. The prophets, I sell them nobody loves God more than him. And if you study how he was with his wives, I mean, it's, it's like stuff that we would be like, Oh, my God, you know? Like, I'll give you an example. He's asked in a public place, like a public setting. Who do you love most? Can you imagine? Like one of our sheoak and like one of these big setting Who do you love most? And he goes, I Isha. My wife. Yomi is publicly public. He's not just showing affection, in private, in this case, right? affection verbally, obviously, he is publicly announcing his love for his wife. So the lady was send
them he said, I Isha.
And then these and this companion, this is the beautiful thing companion thought he was gonna say him, you know? And so he's like, No, no, from among the men. Because he's the good, he's next. And he goes, her father. But the point is that even when he's mentioning a book for the man, he uses Ayesha as the reference point, even the way he's talking about her, he doesn't even say our bucket line, he says her father, so and the way he used to be with his wife, so the line is seldom, you know, if, if he'd see her drinking from a cup, he would put he would see where she put her mouth and put his mouth on the same spot on purpose. That's how we show he showed affection. And there are
many examples of this affection that they that they had this idea that you're so lost, and God you can't show affection to that's messed up. I'm sorry, but you're just lost. You're not just lost in God. And the reality is, the reality is that not showing affection is not a sign of, of spirituality. It's not a sign of, it's actually it may be a sign of having a hard heart. And the real and that's, you know, the prophets, I send them one saw a man. Okay, there was a man who thought he was boasting. And he said, I have all these children and I've never hugged or kissed them. He thought he was like, getting extra points for that. And the prophets I send them said, What
can I do if I was taking the mercy out of your heart? You understand? Like, if if mercy and compassion has been taken out your heart, what can I do for you? This is not a it's not a it's not a sign of piety that you don't show affection. The prophets I send them was the most in love with God and he was the most affectionate so that's what I'm gonna say about them.
Yeah, just a reminder to everyone here that sister yes mean is selling her book and is going to