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The Ties That Bind

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Abdulbary Yahya

Channel: Abdulbary Yahya

Episode Notes

This lecture was delivered at the One Ummah Conference 2016 (The Contemporary Muslim)

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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In Alhamdulillah Hamada, who wanna start in hoonah Stubblefield

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when are the biLlahi ministerium fusina Vasa, Tia Marina Maria de la hufa Malala Wilma Euclid Holla Holla Holla Holla Holla Holla Sha sharika wash How do I know Mohammed Abdul Rasul? Allah Dena Amano takala haka Ducati waneta moto Nila anti muslim moon. Yeah yohannes otaku Raja kumala de Hala Kakuma enough suwa. Ada wahala Praveen has our jaha who are best I mean, humeri Jalan kathira. Vanessa, what up Allah Allah de de Luna de Waal are in Allah Hakuna la Cooperativa

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de una mano De La Hoya pulu Colin sadita la Kuma como para la como una Bochum, la hora, Sula, hufa defassa, 1000 alima.

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I'm bad.

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Many people nowadays

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have,

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have trouble

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communicating

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with the children, and enjoying relations and coming together.

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We have

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a lot of a lot of time saving gadgets.

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We have

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instantly messaging,

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instant pictures, instant noodles.

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We have microwaves. We have telephones, we have cell phones that connect us with the whole world, we can instantly connect to people across the world 1000s and 1000s of miles away.

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These are all

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things that are supposed to save us time.

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Yet, it seems the only thing we don't have is time.

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It seems like

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we don't have time.

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For our families.

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We don't have time for our children.

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We don't have time to come together.

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We don't have time to visit our neighbors and visits are aunts and uncles. And some of us don't even have time to visit our parents.

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And so

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the relationship

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between

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different members of our family

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dwindle.

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And then we also have

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less understanding the young

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are always saying that the elderly, or their parents don't understand them.

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And so how can we strengthen this bond? What can we do

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to strengthen the bond, strengthen our families, strengthen ourselves and strengthen the oma?

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Why? Because of course it starts from us. As you can see the theme, change yourself, change the world.

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And

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nowadays,

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a lot of people don't understand the importance of enjoining relations

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in Islam, and joining relations,

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is of the utmost importance. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said in Hadith in Sahih Bukhari

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Lariat Hola, Jana Cartier.

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One, he who does not enjoin relations, or he who cuts ties, he will cut ties will not intergender

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he will cut ties we're not into agenda. So if you're an authority, he said

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he will cut ties meaning cuts the ties of kinship.

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And so in order for us to interject

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we have to enjoin relations. We have to learn to love each other. We have to strengthen this bond between us and the people around us, strengthening that bond between us and the people who are closest to us, our parents, our spouses, our aunts and uncles, our grandparents and, and, and the people who are

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our near our neighbors and so forth. And amongst the signs of the day judgment, you see that these relationships start to dwindle.

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And one of the signs that

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Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam mentioned

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amongst the signs of the Day of Judgment,

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he said,

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and thoroughfare to Allah Azza wa Luna elbonian that you see.

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The Bedouins

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bear barefooted poor, destitute, it's competing with each other in building tall buildings. And of course, we see that with our very own eyes. In Dubai, they're actually planning another building that's twice as tall as the building is there. And of course in Jeddah also, and believe in also in Kuwait, all in Arabia. They're competing for tall buildings. But I mentioning this because the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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he also said, After that,

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he said

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that

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amongst the signs

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of the nearing

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of the coming

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of the hour, the app the hour,

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he said untethered, intelligent, amateur or better, and then also a woman will give birth to her master, a woman who gave birth give birth to her master. What does that mean?

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Well, one of the interpretations as mentioned by some of the scholars amongst them at the moment, oh, he and others, he said that, he said that there will come a time in which children will be so disobedient

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to their parents that they will treat their parents as if they treat their mothers as if they're slaves.

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How does this happen? Well, if you look at some children nowadays,

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you see that when they want something,

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when they

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quote unquote, need something,

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they say to their parents, Mom, you have to buy this. You have to buy the latest xbox, or Playstation. Like you have to. They're not asking, no, they're ordering. Everyone has it? Do you have to buy it from me?

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Who speaks?

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Who are the people who speak like that? They are the master to speak to their slaves. That's how you speak. That's how they used to speak to them.

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And so children are treating their parents and ordering their parents, as if, and Delhi the AMA to have better and that a female slave and a woman will give birth to her master.

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And so the ties on kinship

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between children and parents, between the household

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start to dwindle. But how can we change all of that? What are some of the things that we can do? As I mentioned, first and foremost, we have to realize that the great, the great reward

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and

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that Islam enjoins that we that we enjoy relationships,

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that we enjoying ties of kinship. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Mansa satola, who fears

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he who wants that Allah opens up for him. The doors are provisions in increasing his wealth, you want more money, but if you want to increase your wealth, while you're in setelah, houfy, Atari, and he wants his reputation, of course, later on afterwards to be remembered, in the best way for the SS rahima. Then let him enjoin relations, then let him in join relations. And so in Islam, it's very important to strengthen that family strengthen those family ties, because when

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the family

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when the family ties are broken off, and the family is broken,

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then the society goes with it also.

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And the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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He also mentioned one of the quickest since one of the sins that you will see the effects of the quickness.

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He said, Ma'am, in the min agita, I only saw

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my mama your daddy Rola Whoa, Phil ashira melbury

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there is no sin

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that a person

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will most likely see the result of it in punishment in this life, along with what will be

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waiting for him in the Hereafter, there is no sin that you see the results of it more mean in terms of your being punished in this life in the hereafter quicker than transgression, when transgressions and oppression, oppressing others and transgression and work at a time and also cutting of ties. So, what is enjoining relations mean? What does that mean in joining ties?

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Does it mean? If somebody is nice to me, then I'm nice to them. No, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam said lacell Walsall, Bill McAfee.

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enjoining. relations does not just mean you,

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you know you

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return a favor. Meaning if someone does good to you that you do good to them. That's not just an injury that's incumbent upon all of us. That's incumbent upon all of us. And it's mandatory upon every Muslim, that when someone is nice to you, you're nice to them, when someone is good to you, you're good to them. That's something that is the default, that's normal, but that which is rewarding is enjoying relations, he says, Well, I can allow similarly, the booty at rahima, who was the one who enjoys relations, is when there is a severing of ties, he tries to do his best to enjoin them when you're always working to enjoin relations between the people around you.

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And and so how do we do that? What are some of the things that we need to do? Well, as I mentioned, it's mandatory.

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And it's something that had to help us intergender because when you cross the Sirat that bridge over jahannam.

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Just like a person who is crossing, you know, on a tightrope, they need something to balance them. You also need something to balance you. So you don't fall to the left or to the right. You know what those two things are?

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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, when the believer is on the tirat, there are two things that will come to his right and unto us, and to his left in the given balance. And one of those two things, a man or

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a man being trustworthy, trustworthiness, and Raheem, and your enjoining, of ties in religion, joining of kinship. And so if you want to intergender

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you will not be able to interject now, if you sever ties of kinship, and if you're not enjoying relations, and so it's, it's very, very important for all of us to know the importance of this. And so how do we do? How do we do it? Well, let's start with the

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the people who are closest to us,

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and how we communicate with them. Because communication with people around us, and communication with our children and our parents and

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our relatives, is very important because a word here and a word there can cause

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a severing of ties. And so

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we have to learn

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and we have to show love and compassion.

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First and foremost, the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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was the most compassionate, the most kind.

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And he was always concerned about the well being

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of the people around him. And the well being

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of the believers, men, women and children alike.

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One day,

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he was in in prayer, and it was fudger prayer.

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And you know, in normally, during fudger prayer, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam would recite something between 60 and 100 verses.

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in the locker he would recite between 60 and 100 verses. But this morning, on this particular morning, the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam, recites Al Fatiha and then he hears the crying of a baby.

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Here's the crying of a baby.

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And the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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sites

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in

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Calico,

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for solid layer of beaker one, in Shani aka one

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he recites the shortest chapter in the Quran.

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He says Allahu Akbar. When he finishes, he turns around and he says,

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I, when I stood up to pray, I intended to prolong the prayer.

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But when I heard the crying of the baby,

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I was compassionate towards I mean, and he felt I felt for her.

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And so he shortened the prayer, because of a baby, because of his compassion for the mother also,

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like imagine how the mother must have been feeling the baby's crying, and she is praying.

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But this is the compassion of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam. And that's what we have to have towards the people around us. And then, of course, if this were to have happened in some of our massages,

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what do you think would happen?

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Maybe some moms, some moms who might might turn around, sisters,

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why are you bringing the children your babies to the mustard and find your time?

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Right, they might question that. But that's not what the prophet sallallaahu someone saying. He felt compassionate. The Masjid was very welcoming for all men, women, and children also.

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And on another occasion,

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and another occasion he was praying.

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He went down Institute

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and two

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toddlers,

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two young kids came in.

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They came into the masjid. And these were his grandson that has an alarm saying

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they

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start to climb on his back.

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And he is in prayer.

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And he's in sujood.

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And of course, the people behind have no idea what's happening. And he is Institute for so long. Some of the companions who are praying behind him, they said we thought the worst had happened.

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What could have happened he's Institute for so long. And so some of them raised their heads.

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And then they saw Lassen Hussein in the back of the profit center license back playing. And after he finished praying, do you know what he said?

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Did he go back to Fatima? Fatima? What are you doing? What are you gonna take Gabby Jordan?

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No, he turns around and he says to the congregation.

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He said, he told him the reason why he prolonged this.

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He said I prolong my schedule. Because I didn't want to bother them in their play.

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Allahu Akbar is leading the people in prayer. And he continues to be instituted for so long. So he prolong this prayer because of two babies.

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And he shortened the other prayer because of another baby. That was the compassion of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam the love that he had for the people. And so when we're dealing with our children, you have to deal with compassion and love.

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But at the same time also, you have to remind them with hopes and fear, meaning give them hopes. Don't be all don't always be negative. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us about what look man look man. And Hakeem said to his son, it says, bargain with the belimbing team with a local man with a beanie

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boo Yah, buena Yella Toshi Kabila

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in Shiro Kayla

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VI

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and remember when look man look man said to his son, while he was Yahoo.

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Allow Yahoo means to, to advise but to invite advice by mentioned by giving them something to hope for and also warning them also advising

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not just yelling and screaming No. Telling them of the great rewards and so forth with with things that they love. And that's why in Islam, you know, there are some people who, when they speak to their children, they might they always are negative and you if you don't get up to pray, you're gonna be in jail.

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Hannah,

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you're going to be in the hellfire.

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Right? And they're very negative, why don't you say to them instead, son, get up and pray so we can intergender together,

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son get up and pray. So we can into paradise together.

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Be positive, also, don't just be negative all the time.

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Give them something to hope for. But at the same time, sometimes you also have to warn them of the

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the consequences, also of their deeds, and speak them and connect them with Allah subhanho wa Taala. Now, so before you can do that, of course, you have to earn their trust. And that's something that's very, very important to strengthen the bonds between you and your children and between you and the teenagers in your family. And between you and

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your friends and family members. far and near. And so

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when you speak to them also,

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when you speak to others also

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make sure that if you're, if they're doing if they don't know, make sure you teach them.

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Make sure you teach them before you discipline them because sometimes people make mistakes, but they don't know. Or they need reminders or they don't know that they made they made mistakes. And so you speak to those people differently. I'm going to give you an example during the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam a Bedouin came into the masjid.

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And he went to the corner, he went to a corner of the masjid went to a corner of the mosque, and he urinated there. And he started urinating there and the people in the masjid. Were in uproar. Everyone was screaming and yelling, and the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Stop, let him finish alone. He's urinating in the garden in the corner of the masjid in the masjid. And the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam is telling the companions let him finish.

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So he finishes urinating,

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he finishes urinating.

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And the Prophet salallahu has calmed the people down already.

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And he calls him over and he says,

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These massages, these mosques are the houses of God.

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These are the houses of Allah.

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They are not it's not these are not appropriate places for you to do anything except for. So he's teaching him except for prayers.

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the remembrance of Allah and then the recitation of the Quran. I mean, this is what it's for. And so that companion that Bedouin

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because of the way that the Prophet Salam spoke to him, the kind and gentle way that he treated him.

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He felt so comfortable with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam in comparison to how everyone else was treating him or yelling at him, that he said,

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Oh, Allah, have mercy upon me and Mohammed and nobody else.

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Because everyone else was mean to him.

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And so the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he said, Why have you constricted? Something that is so vast? In the mercy of Allah is vast? Why have you constricted it? mean? don't restrict it to just as to just as everyone else also makes application that allows merciful towards everyone else also.

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But from this Hadith, what do we learn? One of the lessons we learn is that if someone does not know that what they're doing is wrong. Don't scold them, don't yell at them, but teach them instead.

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And so, you might say, hey, this Bedouin here urinated in the masjid. Did he not know that that was wrong? Let me tell you, he did not know that that was wrong.

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He did not know that that was wrong. You might say, well, it's common sense. Who wouldn't know that?

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Well, a Bedouin doesn't know that. If you were to reflect upon his lifestyle, then you would know that he did not know that that was wrong. Because a better one moves from one pasture to the next, or one one place to the one Valley to the next looking for pasture for his flock. And so, whenever he feels the urge to urinate, what does he do?

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He goes to the side, no matter where he is, no matter where he is, he just finds a place and whenever he needs

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He feels the urge to urinate. That's why he urinates. The whole desert to him is a bathroom.

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Right? Isn't that true? And so he's coming to the city, which he doesn't come often. And he feels the urge to urinate. So his first instinct is what?

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instinctively, he just goes to the side, and he urinates, he did not know that that was wrong. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam knew this.

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And so that's why he did not scold him.

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He did not scold him. And so sometimes,

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when you're speaking to your children,

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when you're speaking to others, make sure that they know that they're wrong.

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Or, if they don't know, make sure you know that they know. If they do not know, then teach them. Don't just call them from the very beginning No.

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And so

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in Islam,

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the Messenger of Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah has also taught us to be respectful towards the elders and merciful towards the youngsters. He said last time in Mendham, you worked at Kibera. Now when Amir Hamza era, he has not amongst us, He who is he who does not respect our elders, nor is and is not respectful towards our youngsters, or is not merciful towards our youngsters. And so you also have to be respectful towards your elders also, you have to realize that those who are older than us, they have gone through life, and they have a lot of they've had a lot of experience. And you know, how many times for how many times have we as adults? How many times

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have we

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won when we were younger?

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We used to think that our parents did not understand.

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We used to think that our parents didn't know. We used to think that our parents

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did not know anything. That's why sometimes, you know, teenagers, that's what that's what they think. And then when we grow up, what do we say, when we grow up, we start quoting our parents.

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Isn't that is that an ironic when we grew up, we say, you know, my father used to say this. And my mother used to say that.

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And so then we quote, we start quoting our, our, our parents, and so youngsters have to learn

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and be respectful.

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And also, the elders have to be merciful towards the youngsters, and to speak to them in the best way possible, and be kind to them. And so the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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was compassionate, and kind to all.

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On one occasion,

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he heard of a death,

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a death,

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a death of what?

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A death of a bird,

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a pet bird,

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a pet bird that belonged to the brother of NSW, Malik.

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The Messenger of Allah sallallahu sallam, when he heard about it.

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He visited me saw him he saw that young boy

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and he was consoling. He said yeah, about omega

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Yabba. Mayor McFarland over here. So, oh man, and he gave him a cornea spoke to him in the best way possible. Use them the sweetest words that one can use. gave him a cornea. He says yeah, but our mayor, McFarland know what happened to your burden of Allah. Allahu Akbar, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi salatu wa sallam visited a boy because his pet bird died. We're not talking about his father, his mother, his aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters. No, a pet bird. But that's who the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam was, for Rama Rama demean Allah He lint Allah home. Welcome to legal calvillo boomin Holic and because of the mercy of God, you are merciful, merciful towards him

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towards them. If you are harsh and cold hearted, then they would have fled from you. And so Allah subhanho wa Taala

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also tells us the stories of the prophets and messengers of before

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of how their relationship with their children and the youngsters in the house it was

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Yusuf Ali, salaam, Yusuf Alayhi Salam

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Salam

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dream

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he saw a strange dream.

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And who does he go to?

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Who does he go to? This young boy sees a very strange dream.

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He comes to his father.

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He comes to his father

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as a loss of Hannah that says what is Pilar Yusuf Ali abbyy abati. In Neeraj A to A Hydra Ashura, cow acaba was Shams welcome Aurora, a To whom? Lisa Jean. Oh, dear father, yeah, Betty, look at the words that he use.

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He says, Oh, my dear father, what is this show? This shows that this person this son had respect and he had manners. And that's why it's very important for us to teach our children manners. Because if they have manners,

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then you can teach them anything you want. But if they don't have manners, you will not be able to teach them.

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You won't be able to teach them. So one of the first things you're teaching him is you have to teach them and instill in them the belief in Allah and the taqwa of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And then, of course, you instill in the manners and respect for your for for parents and elders, and the people around you. And so he says,

00:31:26--> 00:31:27

Yamuna,

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he says, Yeah, Betty, oh, my dear father, first, why did use proper use of come to his father? Why because there was a bond, because he trusted his father. So you have to strengthen this bond between you and your children. Because if you don't have this bond between you and your children, when they have problems, then they will go to other people, and they won't come to you. And those people, the other people might not give him or her the best advice. And that's why you have to strengthen the bond and earn the trust of your children. So that when they have problems they come to you.

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And so that's what prophet Yaqoob did. He had very strong bond with his son use of. And that's why when he saw this dream, the first person he came to, was his father yaku. And

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so you have to have, you have to spend time with the people in your family. But you might say, well, we don't have time, as I mentioned, at the beginning, everyone is busy. Well, you know what,

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you should never make that as an excuse. Because when you say you don't have time, it's like saying it's not important enough for you to make time for. It's not that you don't have time, your relationship with your children in your family and your aunts and uncles, your family, and the people around you is very important. It's your path agenda, inshallah, to enjoin relations and to strengthen those bonds. And we might say, we don't have time. And if you don't have time, and some of us are very busy, Yes, I understand. But if you do have, if you don't have a lot of time, the time that you do have, make sure it is quality time.

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If you don't have the quantity, then make it up with quality.

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In quality time is not us spending your time with your phone or computer or your children or with their iPads, and tablets.

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That's not quality time.

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Like nowadays, even at the dinner table, everyone has their own device, and everyone's in their own world.

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One is checking their Instagram and before they even say Bismillah they say Instagram,

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like they're taking a picture of that already. They're in their own world and you're in your own world.

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That's not quality time. If you don't have the quantity, then make it up with quality. And also

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in order for us to strengthen the ties

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and a relationship

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amongst ourselves.

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We as Muslims,

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we as Muslims,

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we have to

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help each other

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by making the whole family contribute

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to the oma for the advancement of Islam and the Muslims.

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And so whenever you do something,

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when you come to the masjid, when you volunteer when you're doing something, try to make it a family event also

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help the community

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Be the best in your, in your, in your neighborhood, and do so as a family. We have to strengthen the ties of kinship. We have to strengthen those ties in order to survive these hard times. And we have to learn to respect each other. And we have to instill the love of Allah subhanho wa Taala. In our children, we have to instill taqwa, Allah subhanho wa Taala in our children. And what I mean, you don't have to, if you don't have time, as I mentioned, you don't have to have a specific time when all of you get together and you're teaching a book or reading a book to someone meaning you're you know, everyone has a holocaust in the house, you don't really have to just your regular conversation

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while you are cleaning the house or while you're in the car, turn around and ask him or her about certain aspects of the dean, or mentioned something that is beneficial. And that's what the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam used to do. One day he would turn around he one day he turned around and bass was behind him. And this was when they were on what

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they were riding on a donkey

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and and that Abdullah have no bass was behind the prophet SAW the light. And somebody said to me, he said, Yeah, Hola. He said, Oh, young boy. He said, in new La Mancha, Kalimantan. Let me teach you a few words. Yeah, Father let you

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take care of your obligations to Allah and Allah subhanho wa Taala will take care of you. So he's connecting him with Allah subhana wa Tada. So sometimes when you're driving, instead of having the kids fight each other, why don't you remind them and also it helps you because you're going to have to look up these facts. So you're going to have to look up these things and share it so you can share it with your children. So take responsibility because Allah Subhana Mata is going to ask us about the ties of kinship. And Allah subhanho wa Taala will hold us accountable for it on the Day of Judgment, we will not intergender if we don't enjoy relations, layered whole agenda path here. So

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it's very important to enjoin these bonds, and to spend quality time with our families. And so make sure before you leave this place, start planning something with your family, with your children, with your aunts and uncles doing this, do something that will strengthen these bonds and ties of kinship. Because if you don't do HUD, and your children grow up and so forth,

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what's going to happen

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you don't take care of them when they're young. They're not going to take care of you also gonna put you the old folks home, and you might they might not come visit you also because you haven't strengthen these bonds from the very beginning. So strengthen these bonds and make this one of the priorities which is Aquila hydrocele, Allahu Allah Nabina Muhammad Ali he was was