Friday Night Lights – How to Grow from Your Own Mistakes and How to Treat Others When They Make Them

Ammar Alshukry

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The speakers stress the importance of avoiding mistakes and respecting sisters in society, creating a " political and trusting society" for accountability and transparency. They also emphasize transparency and accountability for the community, particularly for the community's actions. The focus is on creating a " political and trusting society" for accountability and transparency, with a potential for a video on police topics and a potential referral for the next week.

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Um The last law salam ala Rasulillah our praises to Allah we seek His guidance and his forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evil of ourselves and whispering about his eyes welcome everybody to Friday Night Lights. Today we'll be talking about the topic of mistakes, how to overcome them ourselves when we commit them and how to deal with others when they commit them. All under the umbrella, the umbrella of the reality of human experience, which is that we all make mistakes, every single human being is fallible. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam told us that he said school LuPone Adam Hapa will Jairo Hapa in Etowah Boone, he said that every son of Adam is a sinner. And the best

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of those who sin are those who repent. And so we're going to talk about that we're going to talk about the nature of overcoming sins and how we can better ourselves and how we can better each other. And we'll be just to kind of give like a framework of how we'll be discussing this tonight we'll be going from one major theme to another one topic to another. And those topics are inshallah data, we'll be talking about mistakes themselves, the nature of them, as well as causes of mistakes, and then we'll be speaking about the one who makes a mistake and their levels dealing with the person who makes a mistake, and the different levels of people who make mistakes because they're not

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all the same. And then we will talk about when a person makes them a mistake themselves and the different issues that they will resolve around that as well as when others make a mistake. So when you make a mistake yourself, what to rectify, how to rectify as well as when others make a mistake, how to engage. And then in Charlotte out of will conclude with means of have changed means of rectification and means of correction, inshallah Tada. And of course, we have our esteemed panel with us. Yeah. What do you think? Come on. Welcome, Michelle. You're welcome. Thank you. Thanks.

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I would like to start by saying, one of the thing that

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caught my attention in a very early time, as I was reading Quran, the documentation of the mistakes of great men, like prophets, messengers, like Adam, the beginning of humans, start with Adam. And Quran always mentioned the story of Adam, and mentioned the mistakes that happened from Adam. And I think that shows you that the nature of human beings, it is it's natural, it's expected that we will do mistakes, we will fall into mistake as of Allah telling us Don't worry, if your father Adam, had a mistake, Eve had a missed did a mistake, you know, his children, you know, Prophets a messenger so even know, Allah document the mistake that he did, you know, and other prophets as well when you

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read in the Quran without going into the details, and also on the top of that Mohamed salah. And he said that in many several verses, not one, not two, not three, Allah subhanaw taala will mention things that done by the prophets of Salaam and it was not correct. And he will correct him

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and documenting this in the Quran and revealing verses in the Quran. I asked myself why, you know, if you have one or two mistakes out of all your life, why would it be mentioned these mistakes to free for you to realize that even no matter how good you are, how high level you are, you still can make a mistake. Don't let your mistakes stop you from growing stop you from moving forward. You know, not only that, Allah subhanaw taala of the Sahaba as well documented some of the incident in the Quran, where they made mistakes. women commit up to dunya women commit some of you their intention was about the worldly reward not for the aka Allah Akbar.

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Yah yah Aladeen Amendola, Tafawa swatter come focus Alta Nabhi Don't raise your voice over the Prophet and while you are taught, and one of the most amazing one, the story of Juma what is with outtie Jonathan Allah when in fact they have a thorough Coca Cola in the province of Salem give her a bottle Jamar and a caravan came with food and and the Sahaba left the Prophet giving the speech he talking to them. They loved him and they went outside to see what this caravan has.

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I couldn't comprehend that. I mean cathedra by the way, said this happened This incident took place before hope bottle Juma was wajib to listen to in the beginning of Islam, he said hope bottle Juma was watching and it might even be like elite after salah. But after this incident, the rule change I don't know about how authentic that is. But being cathedra him Allah mentioned something like that. But the point even if it does

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is just leaving the person giving hope but just to go see what's the food and the Caravan has that just, I can comprehend that.

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But it again, is to show that we are humans and listen to what Allah says. And that's a good starting point. On a bad day in the come to believe or not, yeah Allah, my servants, you make mistakes days and nights.

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Yanni Oh Allah Akbar, in the daytime and of the every day, every night. And I forgive all the sins, so seek my forgiveness. And that's a very important because you never be perfect. And I hope that something that if this is the case, we make mistakes that make this subject so important, because that's something we all do. So we need to learn how to deal with it. And I hope that's enough reason for us to focus on that and to dig deep into it

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left in the future.

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So we're going to we got a lot to cover in Charlotte data tonight. So we're going to jump right into the

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the

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Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, insert. So the first point is all that data is we want to talk about

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the nature of mistakes themselves. And I'll actually open up with Jeff come up. If

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Okay, so.

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Okay, so then I'll start in sha Allah, Allah with the first point with regards to mistakes in themselves Chef, what he was talking about how every human being makes mistakes. But there's a difference between a mistake, which is virtuous in the sense that a person falls into it, that's the natural disposition that we want to be in a position of, we want to be in a situation where when we make mistakes, it is because of a lapse, it is because of a mistake in judgment, it is not something that is premeditated, when it becomes something that is premeditated, that is problematic, when a person is planning out their sense when a person is intending to fall into a particular set, like

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the brothers of use, if I didn't, he said, the brothers of Joseph who said kill usif or cast him in the land that you will be after that a righteous people, there is a difference between that person who is planning on committing a mistake, someone who is premeditating it and someone who it is a moment of weakness, it is a lapse in judgment, it is a mistake that they make because of a desire that appeared okay and so we want to be in a position where we are the mistakes that we make are as in our as, I guess as innocent as possible where a person is able to dust themselves off, repent to Allah subhana data and move forward. It's not about and then if a person is repentant to Allah and

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we'll talk about repentance later but if a person is committed inshallah Tada to benefiting themselves, and it's not about how many times a person falls because we are human, we will make mistakes but rather it's about how many times a person can get back up in sha Allah to Allah and not be burdened by the mistake that they make and not be overwhelmed by the mistake they may may make and not despair from the mercy of Allah because of the mistake that they made. Rather to remember that Allah Subhana Allah forgives all sins and the loss of habitat is mercy over us is overwhelming.

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All right, so I really like this point. The

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like, the purpose behind identifying a mistake, isn't just for the sake of the mistake itself just for, for knowing what it is. But like anytime, when you find out or or you identify a flaw that you have in yourself, or your brother or your sister, what's the purpose behind it? It's not really about the flaw itself. It's so that you can, you can correct it. Right? And you can learn from it, you can avoid it in the future. That's the whole point. And it's not about the idea that I caught you making a mistake. You know, some people love that. I remember in our university there were these two brothers kind of competing for which one of them is more religious. One of them used to give a

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lot of Dawa to girls you know what I'm saying? Sit and give dollar to girls. And one of them said, next time I catch up with a girl I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna embarrass him to habibi. So the third guy told him, what are you doing it for Allah azza wa jal or you just want to catch him in the act, catch him in a weak position. So then you have the upper hand and you become the religious guy. So

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when you identify the mistake, the whole point is that you fix it. I remember this one guy was telling me, give me advice, how I barely know him. He's like, give me advice. I'd love people to give me advice, and I like anyone to give me advice. So okay, Inshallah, if I think of something, I'll tell you. Two minutes later, did you think of anything? So?

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Again, I barely know you, but I promise you if I recognize anything, I'll let you know. Then it's like okay, think of something. And then I remember

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remembered something. I remembered something that he does all the time. I said, you know, I just thought of something. He's like, yes. Said you always interrupt people. It's unbelievable. He said, Yes. Oh Allah, this is a true story. He said, Yes, I know that give me something else.

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So is it like just identifying it or like so we can fix it?

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That's one point. Yeah. It's see the first point, in my opinion, it's important this point has been reported, which is knowing the nature of mistakes.

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I found a lot of people don't want to know their mistakes.

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They actually don't want to don't want to face don't admit to themselves. So one of the most important thing, you have to identify what are my problem? What I'm a mistakes, what, where's my weakness? Sometimes we don't we just try to, you know, Turn around, turn our face the other direction. Okay. Sometimes people don't like to be told about their mistakes. Identifying what is wrong. It is important because sometimes, maybe it's not a mistake. Maybe it's not wrong. Okay. Maybe you just misunderstanding. Maybe you think it's wrong, and it's not. So as long as you identify what it is, like, for example, one brother told me, Chef, I am sinful, I'm going straight

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to help. I'm adrift, I said, what you've been doing any stavola that you think they're gonna go straight up. He said to me, Chef, you know, I look at haram. And I'm looking at haram all I look at things which is forbidden, and not lawful for me. And I thought like, he's like, addicted to pornography, addicted to something like major like that, you know, some of the big sin like that. Then he said, Now, you know, I go to school, and I look at the teacher.

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I said, do you look at the teachers with desire? He said, No. So I said to learn about her Mala talked about looking at women in sales and in buying and, you know, for need like this. Okay. And they say, if this is the case, you're allowed to look as long as there's no desire. So sometimes identifying it can make it easy for you to know if it's wrong or not.

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Sometimes people don't like to be told about the mistake, especially individual or groups, any sum that will group organizations, when you tell them by the way, this practice is not correct. These get so angry. And I'll tell you, if you have a wound,

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and you want to fix it, we don't have Dr. Musa with us tonight.

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He is a wound specialist. The first thing to do what

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I had a cut today.

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The first thing I have to touch that wound to clean it.

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If you don't face your mistakes, that wound will never be cleaned will stay open.

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You have to learn how to do that as an individual as a group.

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The about the notion of nausea, like that, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we don't put the mask, we're keeping the far distance. Okay, but I'm sorry, everybody else need to put their mask on. Okay? Unless you like very far by yourself over there, for example, you know, that's fine. But if you're going to be around people, you have to put your mask on. I was supposed to say about the notion of nasiha that even that question doesn't really exist anymore. So even though he himself was asking, there was a culture of people asking each other please give me advice to some degree people give me advice. Give me advice. Like, if you see something wrong, whether they accept it or not as a

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different story, that's different levels. But now we don't have a culture of giving me advice. Now we have a culture of I'm authentically myself take me has I am or what have you, right. So you you you need. It's a beautiful quality to have where you're asking people to give you advice. And the notion that God just mentioned reminded me actually of a story shamatha Chanel tells us what he wrote once about that notion of not knowing about your mistakes or not thinking something is a mistake, and it isn't a mistake. He was teaching some kids and these are like maybe 10 years old, or nine years old girls or what have you. And one girl, she might have even been younger than that

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seven years old. And she wrote a note to him and she said, you know, what should a person do when they're viewing something that is haram, but they love it so much. And the chef's heart just completely sunk. And he's like, this girl's eight years old. Don't tell me she's watching pornography and she's addicted or something. And then she said, I love Pepe the pig.

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He thought it was along because he's a pig. So he's like a hamlet in LA. It's a cartoon. So anyway, so the notion of of asking

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People have knowledge with regards to what you perceive to be a mistake that is the province of old ideas that have said that is the cure for ignorance it's to ask

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another point with regard to the mistake mistakes are leveled. And this is very important to understand that some mistakes are twofold take you out of the fold of Islam.

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By the way, being Muslim, it doesn't mean you stay Muslim. Although you can make things take you out of the fold of Islam.

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You know, like to do any act of worship to other than Allah, you need to do certain things can take the person out of the fold of Islam. Also knowing is the mistake in that severe level. Is it a minor Shirke a minor form of association with Allah, which it doesn't take out of the slump, but it is so severe of sin. Okay, number three, it is can be something like major sins like what major sin in slam, you have to undertake to understand the nature of the sin, is it a major sin, because being bad to your parents is not equal to A sin, which is for example, its minor sin. Like for example, adultery is not like watching something bad on TV.

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Back bite is a son, but it's not like someone who harm his mother or his his neighbor or kill someone sins or levels. So there is a major there is minor, okay. Also sins, mistakes can be levels, there is a mistake that it does,

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will harm you, but there is mistakes that will harm you and others.

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Okay, mistakes, there is a difference between a mistake done by an individual and done collectively. So if an organization making a mistake, and a group of Dow, for example, making a mistake, insistent a mistake, or a whole movement, around a certain mistake, cannot be compared to an individual who making a mistake, is a big difference between the two.

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You know, so knowing the nature of that also, is this mistakes, just an incident incidental, or something happened over time.

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That's another thing to look at, is this sin, or this mistake related to a specific reason or not?

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That's why when I said earlier, it's so important to identify your mistake, and part of it to do all this homework. What I mean by that, when I say is it related to a specific reason, or it is something, you know, embedded in you, you know, there is players, a guy who likes to flirt or a girl like to flirt, it just that's their nature. But there is someone No, he is attached to a specific person. He only does this with a specific person, but not all the time, there is a difference between the two cases, a bit different sort of someone, for example, angry by nature, and there is someone angry only at one time, at certain reasons. So you have to identify all these things, as

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your process of identifying the mistakes, the more you will be able to identify them, the more you will be able to treat it, and to understand it, and to get rid of it.

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So this obviously requires a lot of a lot of introspection and a lot of self awareness, a lot of asking yourself and sitting with yourself and analyze self analysis. And so this is a theme that you're gonna see in all that data throughout the topic of of mistakes. One of the interesting things with regards to what's considered to be a mistake, and what isn't, is when we're talking about types is one that is a mistake in the religion. And then you have these what's you know, the these cultural

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aspects that are considered to be appropriate or inappropriate? And does it reach the level of being a mistake or at the level of becoming a sin, because it is something that is so foreign to culture. And one of the things that struck me, for example, sometimes when you'll you'll travel to a different culture, you go to a different culture, you'll see things or behavior that is shocking to you, or different because it's something that's foreign to you. So for, for me, when I went to,

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to Sweden, everywhere there people ride bicycles, like 70 70% or 75% of the people there, they all they're all on bicycles. And so it was maybe my first time seeing like, groups of hijabi just transporting themselves on bicycles. And the culture that I come from, particularly Sudan. There's no I've never ever heard and never even heard of a girl on a bicycle ever. And so it was shocking to me and I remember asking them

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others there. I mean, not Sudan, even here in the Muslim community is just not like something. Okay? Do you remember when we had a bicycle group in the masjid for sisters? Oh my god, I got tons of emails and messages, check how can you let sisters ride bicycle holla what what's gonna happen to the ride bicycle? You know, they're not gonna ride the tight yoga pants and go bicycles, you know? So it was so foreign to me. And then I'm sitting there with the brothers there. And I'm like, do your sisters right bicycles? And they're like, yeah, like, what are they supposed to do? Like, it was so natural to them? They were they were curious about my curiosity. They're like, what's the

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problem? Like, I was like, so it's it doesn't seem weird or anything they're like no, because they're all Swedish. They grew up in that and so you can see like the shift in what is considered to be appropriate what is considered and that is it can vary from culture to culture, and that's something that a person has to navigate and pay attention to as well. Yeah, that's a really important point the love how this scholar said that you have to be aware of that. And even though it may be halal or or okay in your region, don't do it in that region, Yanni. We're in Medina, and one of my friends, he's from Medina. He took me to this bakery. And then there was a woman in a cup you

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know, like if you saw her in America be like Lahoma but mashallah the sister? She's involved in the club. He's like, stay away from the Let's Move away. Don't like the sister. She's one of those. I'm like, what how did you see that? He's like, the kind of glitter that's on her black eye buyer. But there's the kind of like beads and stuff which is very normal here right? He's like, you know, the way she's dressed? That's not a good sister a very flirty and flirtatious like this is like an imam in America. What are you talking about? Anyways, but it's good to be aware of these things. And if if a certain way of dressing in this region means you know you're a bad person or has a different

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meaning, then then avoid it even though it's in and of itself not the Haram but avoid it in that case.

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Yeah, up here we go to the next one, which is I think that because we start already explaining that what are the reasons behind why missed why mistakes happen?

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Okay, yeah, and one of the greatest causes of mistakes to happen is Shavon Shavon ALLAH SubhanA dices initiate Donna likoma Do factory do what I do. Say if one is for you an enemy so take him as an enemy and the description of Shavon in the Quran is someone who's declared war luckily within Allah Himself article Mr. Team, I will sit for them on your straight path What I didn't know me being at him when we called for him he says an hour like he's drawing out a battle plan for this creation that he hates so much, I will sit for them on your straight path. And while that person is lollygagging, and walking down and thinking that everything's okay I will come to them from in front

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of them and from behind them, and from the right of them and from the left of them and you will not find that most of them are thankful shaytaan is literally waiting outside a person's house the profits little light isn't it says that when a person comes out of their house and they say Bismillah to Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah Bucha in La vida, when a person makes that statement and they leave their house, the it is said to that person that you have been guided and you have been protected and you have been sufficed, within a hand who shed light and share thought, at that point is is like deviates away from them or is is is diverted away from them, like imagine you're

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leaving your house and there's somebody waiting to punch you in the face as soon as you leave. Like that's the scenario that we're in. And so being of the of the greatest things that a person can do to protect themselves is to pay attention to these remembrances to pay attention to these I've got that a person is protected from the attacks of che thought, you know, the prophets of Allah. They said to them as himself, I said that every time he would leave his house, he would make that drought and he would say, Allahu Minya oh the began of the load on OC loads and oh H and O H O of limb Otomo Hlo Hlo IRA, I seek refuge in You from oppressing and oppressing others and from slipping or being

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caused to slip, or being ignorant or ignorance being done towards me. Like this is something that the prophets of Allah is and I'm constantly say, to be protected from mistakes. These are all descriptions of mistakes and the province of Elias Adams asking for protection for these mistakes. We don't leave our houses much. But we go online and we stand on our pulpits and we make decisions and we make statements that we take positions about a million different things. So it's important that a person is constantly invoking Allah subhanho data is protected from these things.

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Alright, so you know In, in psychology, things that will will cause you to get into a certain

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activity or mistake or sin. They're known as triggers. And sometimes the triggers can be location, it can be a certain time period. Like for example, a woman knows that she's very irritable around the time of her menses so she'll be especially careful when that time comes.

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To the to avoid getting into that into this type of mistake where they're hurting people with the with the tongue with words, things like that. Or it could you know, whatever it is any other time for in the case of the woman or it can also be a place some people at night, that's when I'll tell you something interesting, I was speaking to someone who is like an expert on dealing with pornography addiction and stuff, he says, part of the job of the therapist here is to actually find out what triggers it. So he said it could some, it could be something that has nothing to do with the images at all. For example, someone has a very stressful job. So they come back, they need to

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relax. So they'll watch those images. And then when when they haven't released, they, you know, chemicals are released in the brain that relaxes them. And that's how they fall asleep. So he said, Look, in that case, the way to cure was to find out, or just to remove or decrease the amount of stress at work, because that's what triggers all the other actions. So

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you can sometimes by yourself, you all don't always need a therapist, sometimes you can just analyze yourself and figure out okay, this is what triggers that some people if they stay alone, that happens, some people are a night people. I mean, I'm using the term very loosely because I don't believe there's such a thing. But he is used to the night cycle. So the morning cycle is super grumpy fights with the family and everybody, why didn't you believe him? There's no such thing. It's just basically whatever cycle you get yourself accustomed to, you can switch from night person to morning person, I give a whole book about that. And there's a lot of research on that. And just

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before the research, I knew it was wrong, because there's no way Allah creates you a night person and then says, You have to wake up early, and pray Fudger

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they say whatever you get your cycle you get yourself used to is what you become. And you can switch.

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But some people like when they wake up in the morning. I'm not a morning person in a sense. Yeah, I'm one of the best because like mood, I don't want to talk I don't want to like, you know, so if I know that if I talk I'll be rude or you know what I know that about myself. I think that's the point. So avoid may be the calm making decision making those

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speaking, by the way about the Okay, I know many people that they told me, one of them that helped them to, for example, not to watch something wrong. They found that every time that they watch something or listen to something wrong, or they talk to someone in a wrong way, it is always in the night when they are by themselves. So I know somebody said I moved my laptop, I live I if I sleep and next to me my cell phone, or my laptop or my iPad, I always watching things which is not proper. I don't want to end my day with that. So what I did, I just moved that away.

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That's I know that's where mistakes come from from that area, the time the place. It could be college. I know one guy told me chef, I used to go to this college, and a switch from one school to another because my school was party school.

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It's all the time. It's very it's big fitna for me.

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I don't know, Chef, the idea of removing the cause I met a guy in Ramadan, the day before eight, all right, the day before eight. And he tells me that he's so addicted to looking at images on his phone. He says tomorrow's eight and all Ramadan I fasted one day only just wondering because he ruined all the other days. And

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I know like it's almost like Cofer, like stalking someone leave Islam if you tell them get rid of your phone, because phones are like collars now it's like, you know, but will lie and you're gonna kill yourself here you ruin your whole month, you're destroying your dean, take that phone, get rid of it, get a flip phone, just get removing the reason or take get get like for example, some people every time to go to Twitter and they see or watch the news. When you watch the news, you became angry and will become angry. You deal with the kids in a bad way. You know what, don't watch the news.

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You know, if you go overtime to Twitter, certain accounts like I have a guy I used to listen to and he like make my blood boil.

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Every time I see his posts, it just makes me angry. You know what?

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Delete. Jeff was that while you were leaving me all these comments.

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So that's I know, that's the reason so why would they do that? Why would they make mice that's what caused it. And it's so important to be you know, to identify that I would say

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another incident of a brother talk about

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he told me chef, you know on

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I'm trying to stop flirting with girls and stuff like that. Okay? Then I said, So, where do you go? Who did you have lunch with all all girlfriends, like he had go lunch with them in the school, he you know, go to IHOP together to for dinner, he's right together. So, if you, you are around that environment, you basically don't control yourself. And vice versa, you know, what styles are this that's the reason for this stuff. Sometimes one of the reason for you to do the mistakes is because of the sun or whatever, you know, it is because also you're single, you know, you might need to you know, get married.

00:30:44--> 00:31:10

You know, you need to get married. And as simple as that, to protect your dream and to find the basics to settle down if you have if you have the means and the age, the right age for that. Isn't isn't there a hadith where, or someone told me there's a Hadith of the Prophet Salam said to not spend the night alone is there? Yes. And that piece of salmon now and in wider? He said don't be alone. Don't stay alone or asleep alone.

00:31:12--> 00:31:15

Sometimes, also, how how much

00:31:18--> 00:31:23

friends and people around you influence you to make mistakes

00:31:24--> 00:31:26

for your friends.

00:31:27--> 00:31:28

Can you give examples?

00:31:30--> 00:31:31

Yeah, let me just make

00:31:33--> 00:32:08

your friends can make it or break it on model. Ideally, ideally, a person has upon the religion of their friend. You know, they can inspire a person to righteousness, they can hold the person accountable. Or they can obviously bring a person to the lowest of the lows. I had a good friend of mine, he became a good friend of mine. But the first time I met him, he was an 18 year old kid who he came to the message for the first time. And he was wearing like a tank top like not even like a T shirt, just literally a tank top in the summer. I'm like, Who is this guy is even Muslim.

00:32:09--> 00:32:12

He came into the Masjid. He was like

00:32:14--> 00:32:52

very New York as well. It was this guy. But he's he ended up being from the community. Like, even more than than me this father was from the community to him, like, born and bred. But anyway, it was his first time meeting him and he asked me he asked me, he said, I have a question for you. Is it hard for me to join a fraternity? And fraternity? I'm thinking like, all I know about fraternities University is, you know, partying and kegs and all of that type of stuff. And I'm thinking, I asked him first I said, why would you want to join a fraternity? Why would you want to join a fraternity and he said, this fraternity that I'm thinking about joining number one, they keep your grade point

00:32:52--> 00:33:25

average at a particular level, you have to be at like a 3.7 or something like that your entire number two, the first semester, you're not allowed to talk to girls, all of the fraternity brothers, any one of them can check your phone at any point in time, if you find if they find that you had a text message that you text messages or girl, you it's a violation, a couple of violations, you get kicked out of the fraternity. You have to network and they'll get you a job and and this and this and I'm thinking to myself, Man, I wish the Muslim Student Association had this type of power over people. Could you imagine an MSA could sit there and grab a person's phone and be like, hello. You

00:33:25--> 00:34:08

know, like, I'm thinking like, This is amazing. And he wants to join he's, he's he's he's gonna have to rush and go through hell week and all of that to join this fraternity. But there's this incredible brotherhood that's going to be created. And there's going to be this incredible, you know, benefit. And I found that one of the greatest things that have helped me and I've been corrected by friends before very close friends. But the thing that made me able to accept their very strong criticism was that number one, I knew that it was coming from a place of sincerity from them. They weren't doing it to exercise any ego over me. And number two, they had such rapport with me,

00:34:08--> 00:34:28

like these individuals had done so much, had so much investment with me that honestly, like I could take it from them. And I would respect what they had to say. And I could only respect what they had to say. But friendship is incredibly important. befriending the right people is incredibly important.

00:34:29--> 00:34:29

Yes.

00:34:31--> 00:34:59

Would you see people in the house can be the cause for people to make mistakes? Oh, easily. You know, it's so known that there's a term for it, you know, parents tell their children here in America, they say, Do as I say not as I do, which is it's so it's like admitting it's terrible. Right is admitting that I'm not a good role model to just do as I say, but But what's more effective on the child what you say or what you do what you do? Yeah, well, no doubt. So the role

00:35:00--> 00:35:40

models, older brothers, older sisters, parents, and the probably the worst one may Allah protect us from this is the scholar, the diarrhea, when they make a mistake, and it goes public, it's very, very damaging. It's very damaging because people are varying degrees. And some people, you know, maybe or they're beginners, they're just starting practicing their religion or their Eman is weak. And then they see someone that they used to look up to committing, you know, or making some kind of mistake, it destroys them. And some people just, they're, you know, they're just at the edge and that is enough for them to leave. There was I remember this 1111 of our friends, he married this

00:35:40--> 00:36:20

this girl, her older sister just doesn't wear hijab doesn't pray, and kind of strange. So one day she told them the story of her sister, she said she used to go to this Islamic institution, and she used to learn and this and then one chef, either and she just had an encounter with the chef, she never told anybody what it is. She had that encounter with the chef at the institute, came home. Hijab went out the window, stop praying. That's it. It's true that that has nothing to do with the deen has nothing to do with it. And in some ways, oh, this Jeff has this scandal that said I'm not praying but what's your prayer have to do with it? But some people are just like that. And and

00:36:20--> 00:36:32

that's why it may Allah protect you. I found one of the worst things about bad friends. Bad. Would you surround yourself with people who make things wrong things and they don't care

00:36:33--> 00:36:36

that they justify for you your mistakes,

00:36:38--> 00:37:19

in my opinion, is one of the worst things about hanging out with the wrong crowd. Because they will always want you to continue to be like them, they will not correct you most of the time. Most of the cases they will Oh don't worry about it. Allah for Rahim, don't worry, you know there's worse than you that you will find hundreds of justification. So that's Oh, do this make the don't worry about it. Don't be afraid. May Allah protect us. So if we move to another point, which is important, those who make mistakes or levels and maybe you can go through this very quickly, but it's important for you to understand the level of the people who are making the mistakes. And I want to say some

00:37:19--> 00:37:36

mistakes I said earlier can take the person it's a sin to the severe sin that take the person is not a mistake anymore. It's a wrongdoing that will take the person out of the fold of Islam. Okay, like for example somebody cursed the process Allah curse Allah intentionally and don't care.

00:37:37--> 00:37:42

said somebody tell him Allah said like this in the Quran and he knows that this was a sin I don't believe in it.

00:37:44--> 00:37:49

That's rejecting the dean at scuffle. I no joke about that.

00:37:50--> 00:38:09

Okay, so rejecting it after he knows that this is what Allah won. And he said, I know alcohol is haram but you know what, I don't care. And alcohol is good. And you know what? That's not true. And you know, this is maybe something old whatever. He could have rejected it

00:38:11--> 00:38:15

He's not someone drinking alcohol and notes and It's haram No, somebody changed the deed

00:38:18--> 00:38:19

that's that's cool.

00:38:20--> 00:38:34

Okay, somebody said you know what, I'm gonna marry non Muslim as a woman Muslim woman not allowed to marry non Muslim I'm married I don't care about religion. That's not any more since she said I believe it's hot out it's okay.

00:38:35--> 00:38:40

So the bloke over that's not Muslim anymore. Inshallah pray everyday five times a day.

00:38:43--> 00:39:21

And that's serious that somebody will have to be understand that the seriousness of these kinds of sins, that so that's one level that's the most of your level, there is another level which is a sin that you mistake that's considered a sin and you will be sinful for it. Another one, which is a mistake, you will be rewarded for it. Hmm. I mistake I make something wrong. And I get to work for it. Yes. Which is, which is you try your best based on the knowledge that you have and find you find out that was wrong. Somebody gives you a fatwa. And you've been doing this Salah all your life and somebody tell you by the way that's that's not how you pray that's wrong.

00:39:22--> 00:39:28

So Allah reward you foolish too hard for following that opinion of the scholar, you will get your for that.

00:39:30--> 00:39:54

Okay, and you will be forgiven because if you don't know, or because somebody made this the I forget for two or for example, but something in the past and I realized that I was mistaken. I don't think I get them sin, because when they give that fatwa, I did it based on my research and that's my ability. That's what the prompts are themselves. But the fourth category which is important, a person who will not be sinful and will not be rewarded.

00:39:56--> 00:39:59

Which is someone deuced he had and he tried his best but

00:40:00--> 00:40:08

Based on ignorant, someone has no knowledge. Someone never studied Sharia. Unless you're like think is this way?

00:40:09--> 00:40:12

Yeah, that's no reward for this such person on this.

00:40:15--> 00:40:16

Lab, Sofia,

00:40:17--> 00:40:18

lithography,

00:40:19--> 00:40:55

there is no reward when you make something, I guess, isn't it? Because it's not based on evidence based on anything like that? Yes. What about when you say first I don't want to give a fatwa. But and then you give it for two. Is that acceptable? No, no, but it's like what everyone does one time. This is one, you know, you failed that a lecture, right? I give you my hotbar about speaking about Allah without knowledge. And what have you done after the hot buck? This was in Virginia. So not accusing anyone here, we gathered in a circle like this. And once someone asked a question, and I said, I don't know the answer. And someone right there said, I don't want to give a foot but and he

00:40:55--> 00:41:17

gave me the foot. So I knew I didn't do a good job. You know, when she what it says about the weights of sin, like sins are different levels. One of the things that we actually have to consciously do is restructure those weights or recalibrate those weights according to the Sharia, not according to broader society. So for example, if I asked you

00:41:18--> 00:41:23

in American context, what is the greatest sin the greatest of all sins? What is it?

00:41:25--> 00:41:26

What's the greatest sin that a person committed?

00:41:28--> 00:41:32

sherek mashallah, look at you guys in the American context, really? That's the greatest sin.

00:41:33--> 00:41:37

What is the greatest everyday sin that people commit? Or can't commit?

00:41:38--> 00:42:23

Hmm, judging people close, I would say it's racism, the original sin, this is the one that people get fired for this is the one that hashtags come right or, but is that close to being the greatest sin in Islam, look at the way that people respond to a racist act, versus the way that people would respond, if a person makes a statement that is cool for if a Muslim figure or Muslim celebrity, or what have you makes a statement that is covered, they will still be invited to many conferences, they'll still be on the speaker Stoker, they won't be harmed, people won't bat an eye, there'll be no hashtag campaign for that individual. But if a person breaks any of the cardinal sins or Cardinal

00:42:23--> 00:43:05

laws of liberal America in 2021, there will be a campaign and there will be such an incredible emotional response from the Muslim community. And that's why it's important that and even it becomes retroactive. And so we've seen cases where a person will read in the books of the like, early Muslim history, great scholars of Islam, and they'll read a line that could be understood to be, for example, have some prejudice. And this becomes a challenge to their very faith because they say how could this person be of the knowledge that he has, and make this statement? Well, who said, I mean, they're right, how could their righteousness not have protected them from this sin, their

00:43:05--> 00:43:18

righteousness was to protect them from the sin of *, that's the greatest sin for them to be protected from, and then any other human mistakes are to be put in their proper place at their proper weight. And I think that's very important that we be consciously aware of.

00:43:19--> 00:44:01

It got a story about that. This, there was this booklet, they had some of the scholars from the early from the tablet in. So there was a chapter on APA of Nevada, and a sister came to me, she said, I'm very offended by this book. I said, Why don't you see how they describe the atop that he had a flat nose that he was black and lame. And something like I don't know, small ears or something like that. I said, Do you afro? I said, Do you know why? They described him like that? She said why? I said because he had the flat nose. He was lame. He was black. There's nothing racist about a description and if you describe me as extremely handsome, I'm not gonna get upset.

00:44:03--> 00:44:03

What's funny

00:44:08--> 00:44:09

Okay,

00:44:11--> 00:44:15

that's a really good point. One other thing that I want to say also is the issue of

00:44:18--> 00:44:59

the mistake of a scholar is not I want to make this clear. It's not like the mistake so non scholar you know somebody's role model. The parents mistake is not like any other one, the shift the teachers, and I want to tell you if you became the Savannah 30, his mother came and she cleaned his clothes and she said, Yes, again, until undetectable Hadith umeboshi Lake. Now you are a student of knowledge, you collect the Hadith, you can't play outside like this anymore. You can dress like this anymore. People look at you looking at you, taking you as a role model. So that comes with responsibility. You have to understand that and I tell you guys, all of us is as most

00:45:00--> 00:45:19

And I know sometimes can be burden but it's not don't look at look at as a burden ticket as an opportunity for you to grow and to be strong you know a lot of people as Muslim they will they will Muslim will be putting under the microscope and like their their actions will be basically

00:45:20--> 00:45:32

scrutinize way more than others. Unfortunately, it's not right, I'm fair. But I think oh is this is this reality, but I think this is an opportunity for me you know what to drive better

00:45:33--> 00:45:51

you know, homework a job, I want to make sure that I cut don't cut people off on stuff like that, that's a pretty for me to be better person to you know, to watch what I do more. Because I'm became a person who people look up to, I knew someone whenever they're late, and they know they're gonna drive aggressively, they take the

00:45:52--> 00:45:57

they take their goofy off immediately. So like, I don't want to represent the Dean while I'm doing.

00:45:59--> 00:46:03

One of the one of the individuals when we're talking about

00:46:04--> 00:46:43

being aware of people's levels and is no Muslims. And when you see the incredible flexibility that the Prophet sallallahu wasallam had with numerous snips, I remember one time, you know, a, an uncle complained to me and he said, You know, there's this sister who, you know, my daughter gave shahada to and she went to the masjid and she's like our first time praying that she had nail polish and sisters who didn't know her were coming up tourists and your Salah is not accepted sister your Salah is not accepted. Like he's like calm down like this is she's she's an OB. And so I remember talking to God about it. And he was like the province cellulitis and

00:46:44--> 00:46:53

when people would come to him saying, I can't I can't read a flattop, give me something I can't read and find out. Like if someone came up to you and said I can't read a flathead what would you say?

00:46:54--> 00:46:55

Yes, you can.

00:46:56--> 00:47:32

seven verses you can learn them and he's an Arab. And the man is an Arab and he's like I can't read it fine. He told me something that I can read in my Saba and the province little light is seldom tells him he says, Say Subhan Allah at hamdulillah Allah Allah Allah, Allah Allahu Akbar, say that that'll be enough for you. And then the man says, This is for my Lord, what about for me? So he still wants from the benevolence of the prophets of Allah. I said, and so the prophets Allah said, and tells him to say, oh, Allah, forgive me and have mercy on me what has opened me and provide for me and guide me, and he snatches them out of the air, like the promises and tells them what to say.

00:47:32--> 00:48:10

And he grabs one, and then he tells them what and he grabs one, he grabs them, and then he walks away in the province, the license says I'm gonna have the *, but at him, and this person has filled his hands with goodness, like just the incredible flexibility. And this is incredibly important. Why? Because I get messages until yesterday, of a person wanting to accept Islam. And they're like, but I want to wear hijab first. And I'm like, you don't need to wear hijab first. But I want they're afraid of committing sins after entering into Islam, you're human. There's no scenario and yes, we'll tell you when you accepted Islam, that in this moment, you are sinless, and

00:48:10--> 00:48:39

you are the most pure person in this room right now, which is true, but you're not going to be like that forever. And you can't let the sins that you commit after accepting Islam make you feel overwhelmed or despair from the mercy of Allah. This is our condition. We're all human and Allah subhanho data and mercy overwhelms all of us you don't let any sin make you despair from Allah Subhana Allah has mercy it's important that we communicate these things. You burn yourself with mistakes then you pray a lot and you wipe it out. Then you burn yourself as

00:48:41--> 00:48:45

a Muslim then you pray also wipe it up. You come fresh again.

00:48:46--> 00:48:54

Yeah, where do you go? Well, so this new Muslim there's a lot of stories to be said about that man. I have tons of stories. Share Share was one

00:48:55--> 00:49:10

once in the mustard and one of the massage in Easton a sister was coming and she was praying she was wearing short sleeves in the line another sister came and grabbed her oh you pray like that? And she was not like cover like

00:49:11--> 00:49:17

you those are those underwear was so scared you know you're coming to a place this love your place. You're scared

00:49:19--> 00:49:31

sorry, I I was coming to accept Islam after this whole sermon finish. So I thought maybe I'll pray to see how feels.

00:49:35--> 00:49:52

Yeah, or not. Don't take this exam. Take another example. Sometimes be any x. Somebody comes to me and said, chef, I committed adultery. I drink alcohol. And sometimes the wife came and told me my husband did this drink. I said you your husband just new Muslim.

00:49:53--> 00:49:57

He's done it's not out of his system yet. Just give him a break.

00:49:58--> 00:49:59

Now the break any I

00:50:00--> 00:50:04

Robot he said, but he helped him to get rid of it's not easy.

00:50:06--> 00:50:17

You know, so a mistake somebody, like, one brother was talking in the master. And I said something in the hood was so powerful that he said, Oh, lujah

00:50:22--> 00:50:23

like,

00:50:26--> 00:50:37

you know, he's just still there, you know? Or Oh, Jesus, you know. So it's still there. So you know what? It's gonna take time? It's just stop somebody new.

00:50:38--> 00:50:41

Yeah. Sure you have something to say?

00:50:42--> 00:50:43

Yeah.

00:50:44--> 00:50:48

You know, we're on here. We're on four right here. I'll type Yeah, yeah.

00:50:50--> 00:51:34

When, you know, this whole thing of show your colors, who it's who you are mush out of this nonsense when it comes to mistakes and sins. So our guidelines like when you have a calamity, when you're afflicted with something, when you have a flaw, you cover it, you cover it up, you don't make it public to the world. That's one number two, of the worst thing someone can do. And the proselyte mentioned this in the Hadith, of people who commit a sin at night. And Allah conceals that sin, nobody knows about it, they come in the morning, and they tell everyone about it. And now mashallah people post it and I know of Muslims who are committing a sin taking selfie, and then they posted on

00:51:34--> 00:52:15

their their page, but the you're supposed to hide the sin and not reveal it to everyone. So those who, when you look at people who making mistakes, you have to differentiate between someone who make it openly and someone who make it private. Absolutely. Same thing, even with Bedarf, somebody openly practiced calling people to be there, and someone would just between him and solving the law spa, Don Wilson. Wilson, I think the next point will be up when you make a mistake how you deal with yourself in it, because it's important to make sure before we even talk about others. When you make mistakes, you go back to yourself with what

00:52:16--> 00:52:21

I think the first thing when a person makes a mistake is

00:52:22--> 00:52:38

confessing to it, meaning that a person acknowledges that they made a mistake. acknowledges that they made a mistake, if it has to do with the right of somebody else or with it has to do with the right of Allah subhanaw taala. You know, have you guys ever met somebody who never apologizes?

00:52:39--> 00:52:40

Yes.

00:52:42--> 00:53:21

So you have people who proudly wear these T shirts that say things like to save time, let's just assume that I'm always right. It's like, do you really, really feel like you're always right 100% of the time, like, aren't you a human being? Can't you I've lived with you for 20 years or 30 years, you kind of acknowledge once we've been friends for 30 years, you've never acknowledged once that you've made a mistake, how could you possibly, but you know, I read something once that was really interesting. On this notion of apologizing when a person doesn't apologize, it's possible that it could be pride, obviously, that's the obvious one. But it could also be complete insecurity. Because

00:53:21--> 00:54:06

that person, if they admit to the fact that they've actually fallen short of what their expectations are, what they think your expectations of them might be, right, they fallen short of the ideal projection of themselves, then they feel like they're there, their self worth is up for for grabs. And that desire for external validation makes them feel like they always have to protect themselves in their image. But if a person is completely secure, then they understand that their their self worth is not going to be diminished by them accepting their human shortcomings. You know what, I made a mistake, I'm gonna dust myself off, I'll apologize. This is not what I expect from myself, or

00:54:06--> 00:54:30

what you should expect from me and I'll be I'll be back next time. And I'll be better right there. their self worth is not tied to external validation, and hence they're able to apologize, but this notion of whether it's apologizing to others, or whether it is admitting to yourself in a moment that you fell short, is incredibly important. One time, one of the dumbest people I've ever met in my life,

00:54:31--> 00:54:35

bought this shirt that said, let's do it your way this stupid way.

00:54:38--> 00:54:38

Anyway,

00:54:39--> 00:54:44

I thought that was hilarious. Like how could it be dumber than whatever is you do in your life? The point is,

00:54:45--> 00:55:00

there is when people justify the sin or committing the sin or why they did it. It's it's so damaging. If I justify why I did something and why it's okay or maybe it was alright to do it. How am I ever going to read

00:55:00--> 00:55:41

pent from it, how am I ever gonna recognize that it's a fault and a mistake and an error that I need to repent from? So people come up with all kinds of justifications? And yeah, need for example, they'll say, like, you know, everybody does this, you know, or they'll compare their sin to a worse than so like, I only did this drug my friends they do heroin, like their worst, comparing sins like that, or, or Yeah, I just didn't want to say marijuana is like, but I'll tell you something. One of the worst things also is when someone starts to acquire some knowledge about the religion and then the use that knowledge incorrectly in in a twisted way to hell, Allah fie the action, which is

00:55:41--> 00:55:52

really, really bad, really dangerous footwear shopping all these things, justifications, or I just looked at the images, but you know, it's worse than at least I didn't go out and commit the sin. That's your justification.

00:55:55--> 00:56:07

Sometimes people say also, my intention is good. You know. So, my intention is that so make your intention is not enough, is not good enough to make this mistake, okay, or correct.

00:56:08--> 00:56:45

I think one of the things that I want to say you have to be serious with yourself, when you see yourself doing especially one of these mistakes that has to do with the heart actions like envy, jealousy, hatred, you need to be serious to deal with it. You can't just say, okay, you know, tomorrow person, you know, maybe later, you have to take it serious, and you have to deal with it with the urgency since you know, and I want to say that you have part of taking it serious, that you know, that maybe a Lost Planet, Allah will punish you for it in the dunya. Before that, what if I die while I'm doing this?

00:56:46--> 00:56:48

How about if me dying when I'm doing this?

00:56:49--> 00:56:52

How about if this is the last thing I will do my life.

00:56:54--> 00:57:04

This is serious. I take it serious. You know what I can't, I can, I'm not going to be mediocre about it. And the more serious you take this issue, the more you will be able to change yourself.

00:57:05--> 00:57:24

And changing yourself this notion of you know, one of the ways obviously in the greatest is Toba that a person repents. And something interesting with towboat. When the scholars talk about the pillars of Toba, they talk about commitment to never commit the sin and they use a word as

00:57:25--> 00:58:03

well as XiMa, which means to it's translated a lot as to intent. But it's not to intend it's to commit to something. When when when someone is committed is different than when someone intends like for example, someone tells you, I'm committed to losing weight, I'm really I need to do it. I need to, I need to, you know, I want to I want to get healthy and I want to do this and I want to do that. And you're like cool, we're going to Friday Night Lights, they're like Yeah, after the show you pray at Isha. And you're like, so what do you want to do? They're like, I want to, yeah, I want to go, I want to go get some burgers. Then you go get some burgers. And they order the large fries,

00:58:03--> 00:58:38

the parmesan truffle fries with the large soda, and they're sitting there. They're like, Man, I really need to lose weight. And you're like, Dude, you're not committed. You're not committed, like you're talking about it. You've been talking about it for weeks and months or years, but you're not committed commitment requires a change in behavior. And so what a person is saying, I'm repenting from talking to the girls, the guy who's flirting and taking girls out to lunch and stuff like that. What does commitment look like commitment may look like you changing your your phone number. Commitment may look like you going off of social media commitment may go to the level or a person

00:58:38--> 00:59:01

depending on how serious it is. It can go to the level of changing schools and I've known people who have changed schools because of falling into fitna university but that's how serious their repentance was. And you all know the story of the man and family relations and I mean it changing whatever is required to get to that desired result. That's one of the pillars of repentance as well

00:59:03--> 00:59:17

can we move to the next point which is now we know what to do with the mistakes the level of the people will make mistakes we know about the nature of the mistakes how to deal with myself and

00:59:19--> 00:59:45

there's a lot of other points but I we have to move quickly because maybe two minutes max to wrap it up with dealing with with people who are making mistakes. What are the guidelines? What are the tips when it comes to dealing with those who make mistakes? What What advice did you have what points that is important to be recognizing some of them were kinda mentioned we said first of all, look at whether the person

00:59:46--> 00:59:49

like the person did it and he is

00:59:50--> 01:00:00

what's the level of the sin first of all is a very serious when you're going to deal with someone what how serious is it and how or how low is it? Is this person Oh,

01:00:00--> 01:00:38

openly talking about it boasting about it or someone concealing the sin, guilty about it, those kinds of things. The other thing that's important is this their first offense or not, there's a huge difference between someone who does something all the time and falling into it for the first time. There's a very nice story about this at the time of amadablam Hata, when he was the Khalifa, a woman came to him, he said, My son stole and she's kind of into trying to intercede for him with Omar Golan. She said, My son stole and it's the first time So Omar before even seeing the boy, or the young man, he said, Well, Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah will not expose him from the first time. And

01:00:38--> 01:01:16

from the first time Allah is gonna expose them like that. So he went to the boy or to the young man spoke to him, and the man admitted that he had stolen, stolen 21 times before that. So there's a huge difference between a repeat offender and the first time offender, that's something to bear in mind. Nice. For me, one of the points I want to keep in mind, you can see multiple ones because there's a lot of points here, but just feel free, quick points. One thing that a when it comes to dealing with someone who making a mistake, I want you always to differentiate between the persons and the actions. And I mean by that differentiation, you know, because this also can be structured

01:01:16--> 01:01:21

in a way that not correct, but what I mean by that, I mean that, you know,

01:01:22--> 01:01:27

don't let that mistake judge the person completely, you know, not to x person.

01:01:28--> 01:02:10

This action is wrong. This is not correct. This is haram Mati dead, but you know what, he's still a Muslim, he's still a brother, he's still someone that there is good in him or her there's this so don't judge him just by this one or two, or even if it's a big mistake, and similar to this, I want you always to differentiate, because when you deal with people's mistakes, you have to differentiate between what you your reactions, it is because of that Dena philosophy, not because the right of Allah violation or it is because there is something personal and that is beautiful example from the zero the process of law, the practice of law once a man came to him and he grabbed him

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to the extent that people saw the marks on the process along his neck, and he said, Dr. Mohammed, I need help help me. He asked me for for charity, but he was so rude. Okay, so Nabi SallAllahu Sallam the Sahaba came to attack the visit. No, don't worry, the Prophet was smiled to him and he said, Okay, no problem, give him the, what he wants, or he ordered charity to be given to him. That's us, because this person violation was personal. It just was not nice way to talk to the process Allah something in person, but look at the reaction of the prophets of Salaam and another incident when a man said, Okay, when he says that Allah and messenger, whoever disobeyed Him, He said, Don't Don't

01:02:58--> 01:03:00

make me equal to Allah.

01:03:02--> 01:03:24

When a man said, Yeah, Muhammad, be fair and just in how you distribute, I didn't distribute on your own. That's how Allah ordered me to distribute the word booty, when the person's violation was related to the Sharia in the peace of salaam was his reaction was not that smile on Mother let go. He said, No, that's wrong, who will be fair and just if I'm not.

01:03:25--> 01:03:33

So we have too many times, we get so angry because I personally, you get angry or your kids.

01:03:34--> 01:03:37

Okay? Not because he made a mistake.

01:03:38--> 01:03:41

You angry because you feel he didn't listen to you.

01:03:43--> 01:04:05

You're angry at him because of personal, I feel humiliated. I feel not respected, has nothing to do with that with the mistake itself. And so many times, it became like about personal thing. And then that's a very critical issues when it comes to deal with people's mistakes. And the people who commit mistakes, in my opinion,

01:04:06--> 01:04:42

one of the important factors very important factors for you to be aware of your relationship with that individual and their relationship to you your age to that interval, that individual their age to you. Are you younger, are you older? Are they older? Are you younger? Are you senior? Are they are they senior, like all of these things. And the example I always like to give is that if you're correcting a person, you will still correct them, but you use different tools from your toolbox depending on who that person is. So for some people, you can use a hammer, who can use a hammer with maybe it's somebody who's younger, maybe it's someone who's a family member of mine, who's younger

01:04:42--> 01:04:59

than me who I have that rapport with where and who and who knows better depending on their knowledge, and what I can expect from them. I had a brother one time in the message. He had attended a conference that was very, very, you know, heavy on this notion of criticism. And so he came back and he was full with this idea of criticism and he told me he said

01:05:00--> 01:05:33

Didn't matter come to Abdullah Abner Oman and he said I love you for the sake of Allah and I'm gonna live there, I'm gonna set to him and I hate you for the sake of Allah. And the man was shocked and I'm to live in your home. I told him and he said, it's because you make the dawn like the dawn of singers. And so I'll do live near Omar was harsh with him, me mindset, I love him physically. He said, I hate you for the signal. So this this and he was like 21 At the time I said, Listen, man, I was alive. At that time as a senior is a senior figure in the Muslim world, Senior Scholar, he's someone who if he speaks, everybody will change their behavior, especially that man who's coming

01:05:33--> 01:05:48

declaring his love for him, like he'll, but uh, you're a 20 year old kid at the mercy of somebody comes in and says I hate you for and you say I hate you for the sake of Allah. They're gonna say, Well, I hate you too. And let's go outside and be nice. Yeah, I would say something else.

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Like, I hate you, too. Let's go outside and talk about how we hate each other. Like, you're not gonna get the same response. So you have to be cautious, very careful as to what relationship you have with that individual. And hasn't said, you know, they were younger at one point in time, and there was an old man who was making will do, they can't walk up to him and simply say, uncle you're making we'll do it wrong, you have to be cognizant of how that will come across. And so in a brilliant way, they come up to him. And they say to him, you know, uncle, we're both trying to compete to see who makes will look better. And so one makes will do perfectly and the other one

01:06:21--> 01:06:42

makes will do perfectly, and the man is watching them both. And so they were able to teach him without correcting him. And he said both of you made will do it perfectly. It was your uncle that was making we'll do it wrong, right, giving people the ability to save face. These are all different manifestations of how a person can correct behavior, depending on your relationship with them.

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It's important that the look you're coming with a very sincere and very clean intention. And your job isn't to seek out people's flaws, which again, many people this is what they think it's about now exposing people and people think they have but I have a responsibility to warn the OMA from this individual night you don't have any responsibility. And who are you that you have a responsibility or who made you the gatekeeper Who died and made you in charge of guarding the Sunnah people always do that kind of stuff. Like we have a duty always told young people you the only duty you have or is preceded by the words call and have and the game is on pause at home. Don't come to me like you're

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the keeper of the Sunnah and the protector of the Ummah, all of that stuff. So, so not seeking out people's flaws, you know?

01:07:35--> 01:07:49

Because you don't really benefit from that. You know what one of the scholars he said? He said, Wallahi in Allaha Let me ask Allah limonum turned around, he said, Wallahi Allah will not ask you on the Day of Judgment. Why didn't you curse for your own?

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Right? And he says we're in Nikka. No landownership on for in the color job. And if you curse the shaytaan you don't get reward true or false? Yeah, if I say, if I sit down at Allah who lays on Leila and Emily, do I get reward for each one? Nothing. So if I don't benefit from cursing the worst human being in the in the worst being? What What a jerk do I think I get from exposing a believing man or a believing woman.

01:08:18--> 01:08:35

Quick points as well. Don't exaggerate the mistake this way or that way. What I mean by that, don't make it too big and don't make it too little. Because exaggeration can be both why? Oh, don't worry about it. It's nothing. No, It's haram. It's major sin. It should

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you know, sometimes we we belittling, exaggerate this way or only biller and he makes us like as if he did the sin that there is no sin after that. Don't exaggerate, make sure that you are fair. Another point quickly. Make sure that we learn how to cover people's mistakes. You actually when you see someone made a mistake, you don't expose them. You don't go out to public that's not the first reaction. Man Cetara Muslim, etc. Hola. If you cover a Muslim Allah cover your mistakes. Somebody told me chef, I caught you know, for example, my spouse when the My son will my spouse especially happened Allah caught them doing this haram evil major sins. You know, chef, I didn't tell anyone.

01:09:24--> 01:09:25

Okay.

01:09:26--> 01:09:36

Are you supposed to he's think that he's doing a favor by not telling anyone. That's that's the that's the basic. You're not supposed to tell anyone

01:09:37--> 01:09:49

today with the social media just put it out there. And you know what we caught him and people go and dig and investigate and put reports about people's mistakes from years and so on. It just crazy.

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Again, we've been asked to cover people sin, only you expose it in front of judge only for people who directly involved with this person.

01:10:00--> 01:10:19

Not with the whole world. And I think also one of the points, it's important. Sometimes we try so hard to prove that you're wrong. Yeah, and I will find any excuse or any way to prove you're wrong. That's also not correct. That shows that the intention is not correct. Remember,

01:10:21--> 01:10:24

it is more important to win people

01:10:25--> 01:10:27

then to win your points.

01:10:28--> 01:10:48

So when you deal with people mistakes is not about making your Oh, you're dead wrong. It's not about making them coordinate them to make a mistake, no winning people is more important. And we have to keep that and again, that goes back to the beautiful point that should come as early as the issue of intention. It's branch out from that principle

01:10:50--> 01:11:01

of the important aspects with regards to mistakes also is that you don't through your correction of a mistake or behavior that you don't bring a greater harm or a greater munkar so

01:11:04--> 01:11:46

brother is there's a wedding and there's alcohol being served at the wedding some religious brothers decide that they're gonna go in crashed the wedding and crashed alcohol at the same time. So they go and they crash it and while they're there, since they're there, they might as well destroy the stage also so that there's no music instruments played and stuff like that. So the family arrives and everybody huge commotion and you know, curses start getting flung at these religious guys and their beards and all of that type of stuff. Curses escalate to not just being curses at the guys but curses of the D and then in anger cursing of Allah subhanaw taala right. And so now that monk out of

01:11:46--> 01:12:10

alcohol has been broken or but what was invited is the cursing of the religion and the cursing of Allah subhanaw taala which is a greater mooncup So you have to be careful not to in a person's challenging of monka bring rise to an evil that is even greater. Some people leave Islam because the way you Yep.

01:12:12--> 01:12:30

It's just a funny story. They just always tell him the dollar class. This young man he started becoming practicing. So it's a true story. So he comes in and his siblings are watching TV some movie and maybe there was a scene that was inappropriate. So he understands from the Hadith that you change the marker with your hand he broke the TV.

01:12:31--> 01:12:49

His father comes home from work, he sees the TV that he paid money for broken he said what happened to the TV they said your son broken so he brought his son now you know what region this is? You know where they were they call that rope? He took that and he started whipping the boy and while he was whipping him the boy kept saying Uh huh don't

01:12:54--> 01:13:18

ya think that he's like oh, this companion is just I mean he should not whip them him Yeah, he should not leave him you should have used a stick something solid No not at all. You know even I have reservation in the word that used earlier hammer we don't use hammer I do believe any physical punishment only should be done by government not by I didn't mean a physical hammer

01:13:19--> 01:13:39

not I mean you don't feel happy but also I mean any I just want to make I know what you mean. Hammer hammer, but I mean to be very strong because then they'd be so so called Manos Arif COVID shade Illa Shara anytime you not have and that's my point. Anytime you see somebody having a mistake. Remember the prophets of salaam said in the Allahu Allah.

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Allah will give in gentleness what you will you will achieve in gentleness what you will not achieve and harshness any being harsh will not make you achieve what you want to correct people. The more you are gentle the more you're nice the more you are you new saw it more effective than anything else you can think of especially when it comes to correcting people changing people. Another point make to out for the person who make a mistake yet is Paola. We forget about making the offer. Our brothers are mortal. When he was talking about someone who really kind of shut up he drinks a lot and he doesn't come anymore role model. This is a Medina who model the ALLAH and he said let's pray

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for him. He pray for him. And he wrote for him and that led me to the third point when you know someone make a mistake. Please have the courage to advise the person not to just to leave well lie we know you know your friend doing drugs you didn't talk to him about it. You know that your friends dating and you didn't talk to them about it? You know your friends don't pray Fudger and you never talked about your son. You know that your son doing haram and he didn't talk to him about it. Your husband You're right.

01:14:52--> 01:14:57

Not every permit at least given advice, nausea. Chef, the ambassador him Allah

01:14:59--> 01:14:59

had a group from him

01:15:00--> 01:15:01

from Sudan, Qin

01:15:02--> 01:15:07

Jaffa told me the story. So these stayed with the Schiffman bazis a great scholar has already passed away a long time.

01:15:08--> 01:15:38

So anyway, among the Sudan a delegate there was was a scholar or a scientist, professor in vs. Chrystia. So they said that you should have Jaffa torture chambers blind. We have a Christian person in Arabia in Saudi Arabia in Riyadh, he's maybe should have never had a non Muslim come to him as a visitor or something like that he never get the environment is very different there. So anyway, since the chicken you please be careful, be any be aware of.

01:15:39--> 01:15:52

For whatever reason, shouldn't bass did not understand exactly what you are trying to say? So after everybody introduce themselves, and this Danny Christian, have an Arab name sociopathic. So who's the Christian among you?

01:15:53--> 01:16:16

Love bunch of professors and ministers. And he said, so who's the Christians among you? Yeah. So he said, that will be Misha. He said, TerraForm you know, Arabic? He said, Yes. He said, have you read what Allah said? Then he started reciting some Surah An Nisa surah. Tamara. Yeah. So I'm Ron, verses after verses about money and about reset what we believe in Jesus and what Quran?

01:16:17--> 01:16:39

Okay, then after that, you know, the aid and everything went went, then one of them after the meeting. We're so sorry. I hope she has shifted, not any embarrassing. Is it embarrassment? Is it dissolved up? Is it this guy. He's the first one to tell me about Islam. And I've been living among you guys for 50 years,

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or 60 years. He's the first one to tell me about that. And I really appreciate what he did. So sometimes we learn how to give no say I see someone doing something wrong. Give him advice. But remember what Allah said, with a cure it never it Decra you give advice when you know it will benefit time,

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appropriate way. And that's can be another Shala Friday night to talk about the etiquettes of nausea. You know, a friend of mine yesterday, just yesterday was talking to me. And he shared with me a beautiful gem about just corrective behavior.

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He said that his brother had done something and he was infuriated. And he was planning with his mom had to set up a conversation for them to address it with his brother, like they would sit in the living room and he would figure out a way to bring up the conversation and then you know him and his mom would let his brother have it.

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So his mom said, No, I'm not going to do that. And he said, she said something that was so wise, that it became something that I've adopted and lived by ever since. And his mom said, No, I'm not going to do that. Everybody deserves to have a person who they know thinks positively of them. Everybody should have a person that they know who thinks the world of them. And I want to be that for my children. I am that for my children. Like when they think about who thinks well of them. She's like, I want them to know that their mom thinks well of them. And so sometimes correcting behavior is by actually showcasing the opposite and rewarding the opposite. It's by thinking

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positively of people praising people when they do things that are well and right. So not only do you develop that report, and you don't want to disappoint, they don't want to disappoint you, but also that you're encouraging them when they do that, which is good behavior so that you protect them from falling or needing to fall into bad behavior as well. I always say to parents and to couples, who always have like, tense relationship, learn how to catch your spouse, or your kids doing something right.

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Don't try to catch them doing something wrong. Catch them doing something right. Yeah, no, this good this right. Have this habit. Let's just go with the progress. The lesson was the best that that Biller, tell me what you do. I heard your footsteps in paradise. What is it that you do Abu Musa, you've been given a flute from the flutes of David, what is it that? You know, Allah laughed at what the unsolved couple did with their guests. Right? The prophesy centum is always praising them for the actions that they did, so that they could do more of it.

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What else with regard to changing the mystics? Yeah, we have only everybody will have like one minute just to wrap it up. So number one, don't delay in changing it. And sometimes people wait for something dramatic to happen before they make a change. And this is one of the oldest tricks of the shaytaan. He He's you know, gives you these milestones or landmark. So I'll put hijab on after I go to Hajj or once I graduate then I'll start praying or once I do this, so that's one and you never know if you will live until that time or not.

01:20:00--> 01:20:26

So it's one of the old tricks of the shaytaan. And like one guy said, like, it's sad that the shaytaan keeps tricking us with the same old tricks. And if you got you with a new one, it's like, Alright, fine, those I've never heard that one before. But it's a tricks has been using for 1000s of years. So don't delay don't procrastinate. The other thing is, don't let your your pride your ego arrogance get in the way of changing. And that is a big obstacle to change that.

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One story I'll tell you about that. When I was in Canada with three brothers, they shared the story with us, they said that they some years ago, they made a pact with three of them, that they will always share, always advise one another. So that's not the interesting part of the story. The interesting part is that they said in the beginning, when one of us would come and give another advice, it would it would hurt and would make you angry at first. And then they said after a couple of days, we got used to it. So a lot of times you present someone with advice in the beginning, they frown they get angry. One time this guy came to the masjid, he asked for something that was minor

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shake, I'm not gonna get into it. But as I'm advising him, he is taking huge, gigantic slow steps backwards, as he's saying. Uh huh. Uh huh. And he's moving towards the door. People don't like to hear stuff like that. But you got to push that ego down and accept the advice. The second thing is giving people time. Like, how many times did people tell you growing up to pray before you finally got your prayers on point? How many times do people tell you how to what to say? Or how to or what not to do before you're able to actually correct the behavior. And a lot of times we tell a person once and I advise them and they didn't listen and give a million times. Yeah, a million times I told

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them a million times. It's like, let people grow into the person that they're going to be inshallah to Allah and give people that time and give people understand that these words that you're saying their seeds, and inshallah to add, they will grow eventually, but you have to continuously be there in support of that individual. Also, give yourself enough time for change. Don't expect yourself to be perfect. Right away. And last point I have in regard to this is

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make sure you understand why don't think it's so important to carefully understand your own psychology, your own cycle. And understanding where the mistakes come from, what's the root cause of your mistakes? Is it because anger so I need to talk to my anger? Is it because I'm jealous? That's why I behave this way. I need to work on my jealousy. Is it because I have doubts? Maybe because I have depression? That's why I'm behaving this way. Is it because I'm very emotional person. Maybe because I'm very dry person. I'm very technical, I need to think about, you know, this is maybe the root cause for this kind of behavior. You know, maybe because, you know, whatever is the issue is,

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you know, maybe I don't have respect for a woman. That's why I'm doing what I'm doing. I need to learn how to respect sisters. You know, maybe I need to know, maybe the problem is that I have some false belief. Like I think that I'm supposed to hate everybody else except you know, and hate them and can't stand them. Except certain people maybe there's always try not to focus on the symptoms as much as you focus on the root cause and one of the beautiful things to help you consult Yeah, one of the things that helped a lot and change ask for someone to give you an idea you know, to give somebody to help them eliminate Muhammad Rahim Allah and he really praised Kasam Salah because he

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only came to give him to say and to give him support, he crossed the river to meet him. It is so important Rahim Allah and Allah UB May Allah's Mercy giving to someone to give me my, my initial me my mistakes. Okay. So this is seek the advice. And I wanted to keep that in mind. Mistakes can be an individual level. And But worse than that, when it is collectively, when the mistakes done in the level, a systematic mistake.

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That's worse. Like for example, you know what, we know that we have a problem in the police department in Houston. And I want to share this information with you because I sit in an advisory group board to the chief police in Houston. Okay. And there is a group of people I wasn't directly involved with those other groups who did a reform to or a review over the police policies and system with regard to

01:24:40--> 01:24:59

basically treating people without prejudice or racism or anything like that. So, you know, that's a systematic problem. It cannot be just an individual. When you look and you see 70% of your arrest are black people 70% of process case

01:25:00--> 01:25:44

or 80% are black. Let's just hypothetical. That's not true in Houston. But just hypothetically. Okay, that's been there is a systematic problem, there's a system here. That is not correct. It's not any more just one officer know, when I have, you know, 50% of my force, who go to this neighborhood, all of them not from this neighborhood, there is a problem here, that mistakes need to be changed. Remember, every point we mentioned here can apply to mistakes and an individual level, most of these things also apply to the level of what of government have group mastered organizations, dow a movement, and all these levels. And sometimes we remember all these nice advice

01:25:44--> 01:26:28

when it comes to individual but we don't recognize that also required to be followed all these points and depths when you deal with all these levels of mistakes. So one of the things by the way, in Houston, there is a website, I will put that on our website in the mustard, I'll put you I will share it with you guys in WhatsApp group, this website, actually in a weekly or maybe monthly, I can't remember now updated, where you can look how many stop the police did in Houston. And not only that, who's the officer who made the stops, there is a code name for every officer. And when they stopped who didn't stop and every race, Hispanic black, you know, Asian, bla bla bla, okay, when

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they stop, how many of them got a ticket warning? How many of them process how many arrests, then even you can inside the website, you can go and check this officer how many person has stopped the last month? Okay, or in this region? And what's their race, what their gender? What's their? It's because the first, the first step for accountability is what

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is what transparency, transparency, so they realize that they have to be transparent with the society with the community at large. That's a great work that's take time to help you know a change to have in our society. I hope that this topic should not be limited just to some examples. We may be repeated a lot, but can be taken in a much bigger scales. Start with yourself going all the way up the ladder. Zack Kamala Harris here, and I hope sha Allah to see you guys next week. And next week we'll be talking about 20 years after 911

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Yeah, reflections.

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You know, some of you never even witness 911 But we'll talk about 911 Next week in sha Allah God, after Salah we can have some questions, open the floor to Allah. I have to be somewhere but the Messiah will be inshallah available.