» Earn on-going rewards and help us do more! «

Domestic Abuse

share this pageShare Page
Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

Episode Notes

Is it patience (sabr) to stay?

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:00--> 00:00:12

Now we're going to shape honor regimes for now Herman Rahim Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah. While le was ibH Marine, or bishr, Atlas, Audrey westerly, Omri, waha, Lola, Emily Sani of holy.

00:00:13--> 00:00:52

I felt very passionate about this cause and I, I wanted to support this cause because this is a very personal cause for me, and I'll explain why I deal with women from all over the world I have women that I speak to in person when I visit, and I have women who contact me, every single day countless messages of women who are not in good situations, women who need help women who are in abusive homes, abusive relationships, and the thing that hurts me the thing that breaks my heart, every time I read one of these messages, is when I feel like

00:00:53--> 00:01:42

I I'm not in that place to be able to reach out and save that woman, I can I can give her words of encouragement, I can give her advice. But sometimes it actually is heartbreaking, when I don't know will will what facility is there for this woman who's contacting me and telling me that her husband is abusing her or that her husband is beating her or that they're not safe or her children are not safe. And so that's why I personally feel very, very passionate about missile homes. And these types of projects, which create a safe haven for these women and, and an option for them because too many women feel like they're stuck too many women feel like there is no way out for them. If I were to go

00:01:42--> 00:02:31

and I were to look at the the most common reason why women stay in bad situations, one of the most common reasons that women stay in bad situations is they don't see an alternative they don't, they don't see a way out, they don't they don't know that there is another option for them, and that they deserve better. And so I personally will support this with, you know, my time and with my money inshallah, and I asked you to please do the same. I asked you to support an effort that is there to support our sisters, and they are our sisters. And just as Brother Mohammed had mentioned that this is something that can happen to anyone that it could be a relative, it could be a friend, it could

00:02:31--> 00:03:15

be your sister in Islam, and it is there are many, many women who are suffering. And they don't have these facilities, they don't have these resources in their community. And I'm sitting here thinking, you know, we need more of these, I heard a lot of cities mentioned, they were all seem to be in Canada. So yeah, we need more, we need more here. In the United States, we need more all over the world. Because I can tell you from the from somewhat of a forefront, that this is a very, very prevalent, unfortunately, and a very serious issue. And it's something that is happening in our community. Now, I want to talk a little bit about the concept of resilience. I want to talk about

00:03:15--> 00:04:00

resilience from a spiritual perspective. And from the perspective of finding inspiration in the people who came before us. Allah subhanaw taala tells us stories in the end. And anytime our Creator tells a story. He's not entertaining us. He's not giving us a cool bedtime story. But he's actually giving us a timeless lesson. And so there are countless stories in the horror end of this exact thing. resilience. When we look at the stories of the prophets peace be upon them all, we find that there's an underlying commonality between all of their stories. Number one, all of them were tested, all of them went to went through difficult times. All of them went through tribulation. In fact

00:04:00--> 00:04:58

Allah subhanaw taala tells us and sort of the mokara and has said to him and said hello jenica while ma tickle method levina Holloman publikum masseto moonbat sir or Dada was always the rohatgi akula Rasulullah Latina M and o Mau, meta Allah, Allah says, Do you think that you will be left M has to enter colon janetta do you think that you will enter Paradise without going through the trials of those who came before you mess set home will that sad or the raw was Zillow? They, they they went through they went through best sat difficulty and the raw that so they went through adversity and difficulty and trials was zero. Now this word here, it means that they were shaken and the word Zuzu

00:04:58--> 00:04:59

is the same route that

00:05:00--> 00:05:01

That is

00:05:02--> 00:05:17

for the word in Arabic That means earthquake, which is xinzheng. So Allah subhanaw taala is telling us that these people went through a sort of earthquake, they were shaking, right was Luna Zulu that they went through

00:05:18--> 00:06:09

times of severe trial. And I know there are a lot of women who may be listening or may know of other women, or may not be listening, and may not even know that there are resources out there who are being shaken right now. And they are being shaken within the very, the very place and from the very place that was supposed to be a place of sanctuary, and that's from their own home. Can you imagine that the place that was supposed to be the that that shelter that you go to, for security, and for for Sakina, for tranquility, that it actually becomes the source of your trial, the source of your affliction, and the source of your pain. I mean, that is a next that's it's it's a different level

00:06:09--> 00:06:53

of trial, because it isn't just the pain, but it's also the betrayal that this was a person who, who you married and who you trusted, this is your home, your home is supposed to be a place of peace, it's supposed to be a place of, of safety. Allah subhanaw taala tells us this when he talks about the couples when he talks about spouses in the quarter and he says the tests kulu la have that Allah subhanaw taala created spouses so that you can find tranquility with them and test scudo La Jolla is not just tranquility but it's like to settle, you know, you're just settled internally and externally. And that's what your spouse is supposed to be for you. Your home is supposed to be a

00:06:53--> 00:07:37

place of Sakina a place of being settled and at peace and, and tranquil. Now imagine when that very place turns against you and it becomes the source of your greatest trial and your greatest stress. And there are countless women right now. I mean, this statistic, one in three women are have been through abuse. That's, that's crazy. That's, that's crazy. And, and there's something we have to do about that, you know, at different levels. We have to empower women, and we have to create resources. And so when Allah subhanaw taala is saying that, that they're the people who came before us they were shaken. Right so Allah subhanaw taala is acknowledging that this is a trial that we go

00:07:37--> 00:08:20

through and those who came before us also went through so M has said to them and said hello, Jen netta Well, I'm Maria tickle method. livina Holloman publico. The other thing I want to point out here in this area is that a lot is linking this to Jen net, and I'll explain what I mean by that. And boy, do I need to talk about that, um, that Allah subhanaw taala tells us that trials are part of the path of this life, right? And so Allah Subhana Allah, Allah is saying that this life is full of tests and trials. And when Allah says that the end when Allah says, Do you think that you will enter paradise? So what is the last product God is saying? He's saying that these people that he's

00:08:20--> 00:08:22

describing in this area,

00:08:23--> 00:09:09

their end is paradise inshallah, but but that dunya itself is full of trials. Now, the reason why I want to clarify this, is I never want anyone to think that it is righteousness to keep on suffering. I don't ever want anyone to think that it is subject to be passive, that it is subject to allow yourself to be a victim to allow yourself to be abused. Because this is one of the things that that I believe is one of the it's one of the biggest crimes that we are seeing right now within the religious community. And that is people abusing the deen and abusing the concept, the beautiful concept of subs in order to keep people oppressed in order to keep specifically women oppressed,

00:09:09--> 00:09:46

telling women that if they're being abused by their husbands, that they should have sub and they should remain in their place that is criminal, and it goes against what Alon is messenger have taught us in our Deen because the prophets I send him said that if you see something wrong, you should try to change it. He did not teach us to be passive. He did not tell us that a believer is weak. In fact, in the Quran, it says that the strong believer is better than the weak one. Allah does not want us to be weak. Allah wants us to take action. Allah wants us to be proactive. He does not want us to be passive. Islam is not a passive religion that tells us if you hit me on this

00:09:46--> 00:10:00

cheek, I'm going to turn so that you can more easily hit me on this cheap. That is not our dean. Our Dean is a dean of action. And so if you see something wrong the prophets I send them said try to change it with your hand. Okay, taking action this

00:10:00--> 00:10:37

is exactly what we're doing today by supporting this a Holmes is that we're trying to change this thing that we've, we you know what we have all heard the statistic and I will repeat it again, one in three women are have have undergone this abuse. So we've heard it, we now know that this is happening. So what are we going to do about it? The prophets I send them said try to change it. You said take action and try to change it. You don't just sit there if it's happening to you, it's happening to your children, if it's happening to a relative, or if it's happening to someone you don't know, you still have to take some action. This is part of our Deen. And then the prophet SAW

00:10:37--> 00:11:20

Selim said that if you cannot change it with his head, then change it with it with your tongue, speaking out against it, doing something about it. And then he said that if you cannot, so you cannot change it by your hand or by your tongue, then at least hate it in your heart. And watch this. He said this is the weakest of men. So the prophets I send them has linked Amen. With taking action against oppression. Our deed is a deed that does not tolerate oppression, I repeat, we need to stop this abuse of our Deen telling women that it's more righteous to just do nothing. It's more righteous to swallow the poison and just stay quiet. That is not Islam. I will tell you right now

00:11:20--> 00:12:06

that is backwards culture backwards. And I repeat backwards culture that is not Islam. Islam tells us to take action against oppression, it's them tells us help your brother, the prophets, I send them said help your brother if he is an oppressor or he's oppressed. And so the companion said, we know how to help him if he's old press but how do we help him when he is the oppressor? And the prophets? I send them said by stopping him from oppressing Bye, stopping him from pressing, I repeat, I repeat, we have to stop this. This narrative that Islam came to make us weak that Islam came to make us passive that Islam came to me because of victims. And then we tell them have sober

00:12:06--> 00:12:54

sister have suburb and be a victim have suburbs and take the abuse and then for you is gender. No, no, you take action because that's part of your Amen. And then for you is Jenna. Right? And so the prophets I sell them listen, he linked taking action against oppression, stopping oppression as being part linked with Amen. Because he said that is the weak, that's the weakest of men, if you can't do anything, and at least hating it. So what does that tell us? It tells us we have to be a people of action, and we cannot allow ourselves to be abused and not and don't allow anyone to tell you that that is righteousness, or that is Islam because Islam came to liberate us and empower us,

00:12:54--> 00:13:45

it did not come to oppress us or suppress us. A lot is messenger came to make us free. And that and this is part of our freedom is that we do not allow the man of Allah subhanaw taala your body is an Amana, your body is an Amana Your heart is an Amana meaning it is a trust given to you by Allah subhanaw taala you need to take care of it. This is imagine if I allow you to borrow my car, right? And I've given that to you as a trust. I said take care of it. Right? Take care of it. I'm coming back to get it later on right? Now imagine while it's in your care, you allow your husband or anyone else to come and beat it with it with a bat and and put dents in it and then take some keys and then

00:13:45--> 00:14:32

scratch it up. Is that taking care of my Amana? When I come back to get that? Have you taken care of the Amanda that I gave you? The answer is no you haven't right? Our body isn't a manna from God from Allah, Tada. We don't own our body, right? We don't own our body. Allah subhanaw taala owns everything that we have, including our body. And it is a trust, it is under your care. And if you're allowing someone to abuse that Amanda, then then that is an injustice. And so we have to realize that our bodies are in America, our hearts are the men our mind, we cannot also allow someone to abuse our minds or abuse our hearts, emotional and verbal abuse is is a real thing and it causes

00:14:32--> 00:14:59

lasting damage. So whether that is physical, sexual, emotional, mental, any kind of abuse realize that that is an abusive in a manner of a loss of value that Allah has given us. Rather and Allah will ask us and and first and especially our children, our children are an Amanda and I want to take time, really to emphasize this point. hours

00:15:00--> 00:15:24

Children are an Amana. What does that mean? They are a trust given to us by Allah subhana wa Tada. And it is our responsibility to protect them. Many women I've heard this countless times, one of the reasons that they stay in abusive homes, abusive relationships, toxic environments, is for the sake of the children now want to speak on that?

00:15:26--> 00:16:26

Research shows that those children who stay in toxic abusive homes undergo more damage, much more damage, then the children from a divorced home or a divorced situation where the woman has left the abusive home, those children, they end up better off than the ones who stay in a home where there is abuse, because what happens to those children, many of them grow up, number one to have many mental health issues, including depression, anxiety, and, and and a high level of suicidality. And then lastly, many of them grow up to either emulate, repeat, continue the abuse with their own families, or they end up being attracted to people who will continue to abuse them as they were abused by

00:16:26--> 00:17:14

their parents, or as they saw their parents abused one another. This is extremely important, because we think that we're protecting our children, but we are actually allowing our children to grow up in a poisonous toxic home. And that's not protecting them. So we have to be a people of action. And as a community, we need to support these women. That's why I am passionate about this cause, because this is how we You and I are trying to change it with our hand by putting our hand out and and giving money for this type of cause. And we're trying to change it with our tongue by speaking out against it and supporting this cause in this area that I mentioned, where Allah subhanaw taala says,

00:17:14--> 00:17:57

Do you think that you will enter Paradise without going through that which is those who came before you went through, they went through adversity and trial and tribulation, my settlement that set was the rod was zero, and they were shaken. Now, the reason I'm mentioning this, is I don't want these women ever to feel that they're alone. I don't want these women to think that Allah subhanaw taala doesn't know what they're going through, that they're alone, that they're you go because it's very easy to become isolated, especially when that's the number one tactic of an abuser By the way, number one tactic of an abuser is to isolate the victim. So he will try to keep that person keep

00:17:57--> 00:18:37

that woman from her family, from her friends from having connections with others. So the first tactic is to isolate her so that he can now dominate and abuse her more easily. And, and so so it's very becomes very easy to feel isolated to feel that you're alone to feel that nobody else is going through what you're going through or to feel like no one else maybe understand. But I want to reassure you that you're not alone, that there are others who are going through what you went through, and there are those who came before us who were shaken. And Allah mentions them in the Quran was Zulu, hackday akula Rasulullah Latina M and Omar who met on Ostrava. They were so shaken

00:18:38--> 00:18:51

until even the messengers, listen to this, even the messengers and those with the messengers calling out saying, Matt Daniels Roma, when will the help of a loss of panel data come? Think about that?

00:18:52--> 00:19:44

Do we get two points where we feel that way? This is this is a comfort and a reassurance that we're not alone. Even messengers felt this way. They were so shaken, that even they called out and asked when will the help have a look? But look at the comfort and help of Allah subhanaw taala already has come. Allah inositol La Jolla Karim Indeed, the help of Allah, the victory of Allah is near. And I need every single woman to internalize that I need every single person who is struggling to internalize that because we often believe when we're going through a hard time, it'll never end. That's one of the biggest myths. That's one of the biggest distortions of reality that happens when

00:19:44--> 00:19:59

we go through trial. Is that is that illusion, that it will never end? That that illusion that that this this state will be perpetual, that I will be in this state forever, that things will never get better that this can never change.

00:20:00--> 00:20:48

There is no way out. I'm telling you right now, if I know you're thinking that, and it's wrong, there is a way out. And bad situations do change and the help of Allah subhanaw taala is near. And so I want people to have hope. And I want people to take action to support this, and also to take action to to help themselves and to help their children. Because if you take action, and put your trust in Allah subhanaw taala, Allah promises is something Allah says, when they get to what can Allah live in a hospital, that whoever puts their trust in Allah subhanaw taala alone will take care of them and alone will be enough for them alone will suffice them. And so we see here that Allah

00:20:48--> 00:20:55

subhanaw taala has given us this promise that if we put our trust in Him, He will take care of us. And he says,

00:20:56--> 00:21:40

Well, maybe you're talking less So first, the first day I mentioned when they get to webcal Allah Haven Hospital, whoever puts your their trust in Allah subhanaw taala he will suffice them and then in another area, Allah subhanaw taala says in sort of the talaq these are, these are parts of verse two and three. Were May your tequila yeah gyla who Maharajah whoever has taqwa of Allah. Now taqwa is to put a loss of Hannah Medina as is to be conscious of Allah and essentially, always having that healthy consciousness and fear of Allah subhanaw taala lest we we disobey Allah that we we displeased a lot that we become distanced from Allah subhanaw taala toccoa literally means to cover

00:21:40--> 00:22:20

oneself. And so you are you are you are or to shield to shield oneself. And so we are shielding ourselves through taqwa from displeasing Allah Subhana Allah. So Allah says that whoever has taqwa Allah will make a way out for them when they use tequila. Yeah, I love Maharaja we have to have hope and trust in Allah subhanaw taala. Because these are his promises. These are not my words. Like I can say something and yeah, maybe I I break break my word. I hope that I wouldn't do that. But I'm a human being right? You can say something you might not do it. But Allah says something he does it unless promise is true. And Allah says that if you have adequate, then a low will make a way out for

00:22:20--> 00:23:07

you. And then he says, well, you're a zoo, human high schooler. Yeah, that's him. And he will provide for that person from places they never imagined. These are two of the blocks. Two of the obstacles that many women find that keeps them from getting out of these abusive homes and these abusive relationships. One is they don't see a way out. And two they fear for their risk they fear for their provision, how am I going to support myself How am I going to support my children look at these are the two promises Allah makes Allah says that if you make him the focal point in your heart the focal point in your in your healthy fear and God consciousness then Allah will number one he'll

00:23:07--> 00:23:22

make a way out for you. And number two, he will provide for you from places you never imagined a kuhnian Coney Heather was stuck for too long you will come in Nova photo Rahim subhanak Hello behind duck ash hello and then in the end, as required to be late. I just want to

00:23:23--> 00:23:31

add one thing inshallah if if if you will allow me. And that is just briefly, I want to share with you the door.

00:23:32--> 00:24:19

Some doors from the prophets peace be upon them. Because this is where we learn resilience from the examples of the best among us. And one of the draws I want to I want to mention today and reflect on and I asked you to memorize these slides if you can, and repeat them. One of them is the dawn of a new ballet, his sudden, a you bought a selam. As we know he was tested for a year upon year upon year, he lost he he lost his health. He lost his wealth. He lost family members. And this was what it was it was going on for years. It wasn't just like a short test. And when he called out to Allah subhanaw taala he says this and Nima Santiago to ruin our hammer. I mean, this is the reason I want

00:24:19--> 00:25:00

to mention this. This is it gives us a beautiful outlook into where a believer should be during hardship. Look at what he's saying. He says, indeed, difficulty has befallen me. He first begins by acknowledging his difficulty and acknowledging his test. But in the same breath, he says what ends our hammer rahimian at and you are the Most Merciful of the Merciful. He doesn't lose hope. He doesn't lose hope and he's lost about everything at this point. And his wife was about to have

00:25:00--> 00:25:18

Head up. And that's when he called out to Allah subhanaw taala. She stood by him the entire time. And that's when he hit that point where he called out to law. But even in his most difficult time, even in his lowest, most most trying time when he's being so shaken,

00:25:19--> 00:26:05

he still has hope. And that's the lesson that I want us to take back with us not to lose hope, whether we ourselves are in that trial, are we seeing other people and we and we feel like there's nothing we can do, there is and and and when you when you encounter a lion circle, right? When you take action, to to, to help the cause of Allah to give victory to the cause of Allah. Allah helps us a lot helps you and gives you victory. So don't lose hope, and take action. And finally, the Do I have Eunice alayhis salam, this is a DA that the Prophet Mohammed so I send them advise anyone who was going through difficulty to repeat La ilaha illa Allah Subhana Allah in the Quran terminal

00:26:05--> 00:26:44

volley mean, there is no he left but you there is nothing worthy of worship. What you let Illa illa Anta subhanak and you could summon avanti mean, there is nothing worthy of worship, but you you are high above any partner. So the hanoch intercontinental volume in indeed I was among the wrongdoers. This is a door that the prophets I sent him advise us to say if we are going through difficulty and Allah subhanaw taala will make a way out for us politically. Heather was the hermit he will come in Nova photo Rahim. subhanak Hello byham Dhaka shawanda illa Allah and a stockbroker to break the second law hide on Santa Monica. La Habra cattle.