Channel: Yasir Qadhi
Series: Yasir Qadhi - Ask Shaykh YQ
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Next question we have is that a number of people have asked that what is how long to do when engaged with intimacy, what are the acts that we should be aware of that are not allowed to do? One
out of seven,
No, he lay him first blue, Lake Erie.
So again, this is a very sexually explicit question. And so again, you know, be advised that this is not a talk that is meant for young children. So, the question therefore, is what is how long between couples to do with regards to what is forbidden to the shediac two things are expressly forbidden, two things are forbidden directly in the texts of the Quran and Sunnah. And the first of these is anal intercourse. This is something that is absolutely forbidden without a doubt, according to the Hadith, and we can infer it from the Koran it is not explicit, but it has been derived from the Koran and the ask for the Koran implicitly, Allah says in the Quran, nissa opium how to look in fact
to Heroku and ship to him, your women are your wives are like a cultivation or like a field unto you, and therefore, approach your wives however you wish to approach them. Now, the fact that Allah mentions a cultivation our scholars have derived in fact, even the Tabby rune have derived that the meaning therefore is that the cultivation occurs obviously, from the vagina doesn't occur from the other organ and therefore, there is an indirect disapproval of anal intercourse. As for the ahaadeeth, there are numerous a hadith reported by over seven Sahaba with over you know, 10 different chains regarding this concept of forbidding a no intercourse and in fact, this verse that
I just quoted you, according to a number of authentic hadith, it was revealed, because somebody asked the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam about a certain issue of sex and sexuality. And this verse came down to respond to that. And there are a number of a hadith that forbid anal intercourse of them is the Hadith in Abu Dawood, that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Whoever comes to his wife while she is menstruating. That's the second provision we'll talk about that, or from her back meaning from her anus from her back, has disbelieved in what has been revealed to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and in the other Hadith and sooner than Anissa, he, the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that Allah will not look at a man who approaches his wife from her back alone that look at him, meaning Allah is angry at him, Allah is displeased at him. And in Sweden, society as well. A man came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said O Messenger of Allah, may I engage with intercourse from behind? Okay. That's the way that he phrased the question that from behind, so the Prophet system said, it is permissible, then the man stood up to go back then he called him back and he said, Wait, what did you mean, when you say from behind? Did you mean you're going to turn her around? Meaning that like yeah, and he basically that her back
is facing you, but from her front or vagina, or did you mean from her anus? He literally asked the profitsystem literally asked this that which of her which of her orifices whichever openings? Did you reference? Did you mean that from her vagina, but with her back facing you, meaning of course, the sexual position that is different? Or did you mean from her uddevalla and from her newborn meaning from her anus? Then the profitsystem said in the law, hella, yes to Him and I'll help. Allah is not embarrassed to speaking the truth, do not approach women from their anus is this is an explicit Hadith and Sunnah and Maasai. And we mentioned here the verses well do not approach women.
Sorry that Allah says in the Koran, that Allah is not embarrassed of the truth. And and there are a number of also narrations in this regard. That Rama Rama cataldo de lo tada and he came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and he said, O Messenger of Allah, you know, I have done something that will destroy me, I have done something that is going to destroy me. And the President said, What is this what have you done? So he said last night, I engaged with intercourse with my wife, but I turned her around, I turned around meaning that again, the the the the sexual position was that she was on her stomach, but he engaged in vaginal intercourse. And the Prophet system
allowed Omar that this is not a sin to do. In other words, sexual positions is something that is allowed whichever position
You want to but it is vaginal intercourse. So the first thing that is completely forbidden is anal intercourse. There's no question about that. The second that is completely forbidden as well, but to a lesser degree, but it is still held on both of them are out on but there's degrees of how long and the The second thing that is how long were sinful is to engage in intercourse during the period of the menses, that during that timeframe, vaginal intercourse is not allowed vaginal intercourse is not allowed, I shall not be allowed to undermine her.
Sorry the old me began with the Quran the Quran says with verse 20 222. The Quran says Where's Luna candle mahila they asked you about the menses. poldhu 11 say it is something that is an irritation. So factors UniSA filma Haley, voila Cora Boone Yato horna for either Tata how to hunt them in Haifa, moto como la. So avoid approaching women during the time of their menses and do not come close to them until they purified themselves right? Well, that's a club una
vida Taka Haruna once they have done the hustle, then you may approach them from where Allah subhanho wa Taala has allowed you have been abovesaid from where Allah has allowed you meaning the vagina, not the anus. So again, this verse has also been used to indirectly forbid anal intercourse. But the Quran is very explicit about having intercourse during the menses. And that is why there is unanimous consensus amongst all the scholars of Islam without exception that engaging in intercourse during the menses is a sinful act. And then the scholars differ, do you have to give a Fatah how much of Fatah expedition a of money monitor and whatnot, that's a secondary issue, and it is
definitely good to give charity if that happens and repent to Allah subhanho wa Taala and not do it again, it is something that should be avoided. And I should have the LaWanda reports that once when her menses began, she was lying next to the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, and she became embarrassed. This has been early in the marriage. And so she left the bed and she wanted to sleep somewhere else. The Prophet system said What is the matter? So she explained that she had begun her menses. So the Prophet system said don't worry, put on another garment and then come next to me. And of course, the meaning here is that once the menses have begun, of course, the lady does not become
nudges, which is something that some other faith traditions they believe to this day, there are some faith traditions, including Orthodox Judaism as well that when the lady's in her menses, that her persona, her body should not be touched anything she touches as well it is becomes impure. And in our shared yard, that is not the case. And so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam advised our issue that don't worry about this, just protect the blood, we don't want the blood to come, you know, and in those they did, they didn't have the type of menstrual pads that we do now. And so he advised her to put another garment and then come back into bed. And in another in another Hadith.
Inside Buhari, a man came to the profits of the law while he was seldom and he asked that almost interval law, you know, what is permissible? For me and my wife when she's in her menses, he literally asked the question, what is halal and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that you may do everything other than intercourse is not Kula Shea in England nikka everything is permissible kissing and fondling and stimulation with the hands and with the other body parts, all of this is permissible. And anything that the two want to do, they want to play around between themselves with it is permissible, except for the actual vaginal intercourse. So the actual
penetration is not allowed anything other than this, it is allowed. Now, some of the early scholars, they said that the man should avoid touching the woman's thighs or any area, even the groin area. And the reason for this, of course, is that they wanted the blood to not be touched in our times, because there are menstrual pads and because it can be maintained the the area can be maintained in a better manner. The main point is that the man should avoid that blood and if it does come on, then afterwards, it can be washed off, but there should not be an intentional wanting to obviously touch that area. Sorry to touch the blood because obviously that blood is nudges. And we don't willingly
you know put nudges onto our bodies. Obviously if it happens, it happens and you just wash yourself it's not so realize that touching najat is something that is discouraged but in and of itself if you have to do it you have to do when you change the diaper when or even when you cleanse yourself. I mean you're touching nudges right? But you don't want to do that and if it does happen, then you wash yourself off as soon as possible. So, the correct opinion therefore inshallah to Allah and this is the majority opinion is that everything is permissible during the menstrual cycle other than actual vaginal intercourse. Now, what else is forbidden? So in reality, nothing else is forbidden
unless there is going to be a psychological
harm or unless I know the ruling of the shady app is going to be is going to be contravened. And in our next question, I'll answer in more detail the one aspect of oral intercourse, I'll answer that in another video, you can see that inshallah tada and the next one, but I want to point out one thing that realize that sexual habits and sexual moers they vary from time to place to society to culture, and just because and I need you to pay attention to this, just because a certain society disdains a certain sexual practice does not make that practice how long understand this point, in, in human history, every society has developed, you know, its own Moore's and its own habits and its
own mechanisms, if you like, of what is, you know, stimulating and whatnot within the bedroom. And the sherea has not come to dictate cultures, you may not like it and that is your prerogative, understand you have a right to within your bedroom to not do something that you think is, you know, inappropriate or whatnot. But don't bring religion into it and say it is how long just because your culture does not like it. And the best example for this actually, is that we have an authentic narration that demonstrates for us that between Makkah and Medina there were sexual variations, and the shediac adopted a neutral stance that hey, whatever you want to do is permissible to shediac
came and did not prefer one over the other instead of however you want to do it that's between the two of you. And the the example here in our bass narrates that the unsought of Medina used to live with the Jewish people and the unsought adopted the sexual habits of the Jews. And in Judaism, to this day, Orthodox Judaism To this day, Orthodox Judaism, no position is allowed, other than the woman is on her back, which is called the missionary position, no position is allowed. You cannot have any other position the woman has to be on her back, and there must be a sheet over the couple and they have a lot of laws in this in this regard. So the Ansari living with the Jews, they adopted
that culture because they viewed the Jews as being you know, a superior to them that they had, they had knowledge of the book, and the Quran, even Abbas said, they had no such qualms and they would have intercourse from every position. The Hadith actually says if an Abba says that you're strong denisa Shanahan, they would, you know, flip their women around whichever position they wanted to, right. So they would have in every position they wanted to, they would engage in intercourse, whether it was on their backs, or whether it was turned around or whether it was on their sides. This is in the hadith of an Ibis, right. So a mohajir man from Makkah, married an unsightly lady
from Medina. And he attempted to engage in intercourse with her the way that he was accustomed to, according to the Hadeeth, or the stimulus bus. And the lady refused. And the lady said, No, we can only have intercourse on our backs, right? That's what we are accustomed to. And the news spread amongst the people that there's a major marital dispute, you know, the talk is getting knocked out because there's a marital problem happening, and they're wondering, well, who is right and wrong, and the the news approach the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and so Allah azza wa jal revealed in the Koran, the famous verse that I just mentioned to you, that nissa healthfood, local refer to
how to come and shoot to your women are like a field unto you. So approach your women, however you please, this is no call out however you please, Allah is not dictating, there's a position that is how, I don't know. However, the two of you want to do this. And this means that in essence, the man from Makkah, basically was allowed to do whatever he wanted to do. And the Hadith of the Prophet system was also very clear that you may approach a woman you know, while they're on their backs, or while they're turned around, as long as you approach it from the vagina or from the vaginal orifice. So one has to only take into account that anal intercourse is not allowed. As for sexual positions,
whatever the couple wants to do, that is something that is permissible to them. Now, there's been a lot of questions I've gotten about obviously, we're living at a time where again, let's be honest, your brothers and sisters, the the fetishes that are now prevalent, you know, I'm getting all of these different questions and somehow I don't want to go into detail here, believe it or not, there should be some height and whatnot. In this regard. I'm just going to say generically, that look whatever is happening in the privacy of the bedroom and it is not beyond the two things that are held on which is anal intercourse and the annual intercourse literally means literally means that
the penetration that is what is how long or the intercourse during menses, anything other than this, if one wishes to engage with one spouse, whether it's role playing or using toys or anything of this nature, one could find like one person can say I don't like it, I don't find it noble and you know what, I sympathize with you 110% Okay, that's but that's you.
We are that some people to say that it is sinful is different than to say that it is not knowable. And I need us to understand this and differentiate it. Look, I'll be the first to say that there is a problem of over sexualization in the world that we live in. And because of this, it is affecting our marriages, and it is affecting our bedrooms as well. And it is affecting our social, sorry, our sexual fetishes as well. If we were living in a pure environment where all of this, you know, was not around us, we would not be asking such questions that is the truth. Still, what can we do? It's not our fault. We're born in the time and place we're born into, it's not our fault. We're aware of
all this going on. It's not our fault at some level that we're exposed to what we are exposed to. So yes, we are being affected. Yes, society around us is impacting us. So we have to differentiate purity and nobility from how Tom and Hillel, something might be ignoble, something might not be noble, it doesn't necessarily make it sinful, in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. And therefore, I say that all of these, you know,
personal, you know, things that a person might find pleasure in within a marriage. As long as no harm is being crossed you you're not doing Zina with somebody you're not allowed to, you're not watching something you should not watch, and you are not doing the two things that we said or how long it is best to be quiet. And the couple can decide, you know, what they want to do in this regard, and it is up to them, and there is no sin, when it is in the privacy of one's bedroom. However, I will make an exception for one thing and I will say that that should be made how long and that is the videotaping even if it is done between the spouses. Why? Because very simple,
technically, theoretically, completely utopic theory complete idealism.
If the couple were to videotape, and they themselves only watch it, perhaps one could make an argument that it is permissible for them to do but let us now be real, let us now get to the the actual reality, the lived reality that these types of videos, a londos, who is going to put their hands on it, it's very common for leakages to occur, it's very common for somebody else to see it. And another point, which is very important, you know, a marriage doesn't necessarily last forever, right? What if a divorce were to take place? How much are we seeing in the Western world and even amongst Muslim couples as well of people getting so angry that they will do belie release images
that should not have been taken in the first place. So, in that case, I will say blanket wise that no do not commit to imagery, do not make videos or pictures or what not have that which is inappropriate, because the reality is the potential harms are far far greater than the, the potential, you know, things that might be permissible. And again, if not, I have been asked this multiple times as well. If the couple is separated by physical distance, you know, and, you know, they need to have that stimulation that's visual, it can they engage in live phone calls that are just between the two of them. And if it is something that is not recorded, and it is on a safe, you
know, direct line or whatnot, I can understand that that will bring some some release in some some tension is going to be left out, perhaps in that case, but to record it really, this is highly problematic because you do not know what's going to happen to that video in the future. So definitely I would say that that should be not done other than that. inshallah, tada, everything is permissible between the two as long as there's no long term damage or nothing that is actual held on that would be considered a sin to do we will just be quiet about that and be and cover up. You know, what Allah azza wa jal has has covered up but it is between the two. Now, by the way, before I
finished this one thing also needs to be said that to be very clear,
this needs to be done by mutual consultation meaning that the husband cannot force his wife to go above and beyond something that is the natural intercourse and vice versa as well. So what Allah has mandated that each couple needs to do for the other is the basic intercourse right that is something that is there. Now, if a particular partner has a bizarre you know, fetish or kink or something of this nature and the other partner does not it is not fair to force the other partner, the other partner will say no, we will have the natural what you know, intercourse that Allah has has allowed the what everybody does, and I don't want to do this particular thing that's degrading to me or what
not, that's her right or his right to say that it is degrading. If it is I mean, something that is beyond normal, obviously, right? We're not talking about normal intercourse. That is what Allah has made mandatory, really between couples, they need to take care of each other in that in a manner that is hella so as long as it is done by mutual agreement and know how long line is crossed. And those
Two things are not too done. We will be quiet and let it go as long as there's no as we said photography or you know a video is done because that is a problem and and the last kind of Watada knows best