Does Marriage Kill Love 1 Following The Prophets Example

Yaser Birjas


Channel: Yaser Birjas


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if you remember the last time we discussed before we took a break for salata mother, which we spoke about the essential needs of both husband and wife, relationship in marriage. And men, they're very, very vocal about it. And they have no second choice. Because it is not that I have a second thought about it, when you ask them, What is the top thing that they demand? Why they would love to see you from their spouses, they say respect. But

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respect when it comes to women, and you ask them, what exactly are they looking for, they will give you multiple options, all boils down to one thing, to be thoughtful about to be caring, to be loving, to show gentleness and kindness, which is all translated into love for men. And women, if you apply to communicate that value that they all call it love to see from you, you have to do it on their terms, not your term, that means you show respect to the man in the way that's considered so meaningful. And you show love to the woman that is so meaningful to her. If you try to show love to her in the way that is meaningful to you, you're gonna mess it up. You're gonna commit. And that's

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why when a man asked his wife, if she asked, What do you love? What do you want me to see? And he does have good food. She's puzzled. She said, look at this childish, you know, desire. It's not about being so childish about his desires, he is just trying is asking you to show respect to the

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same thing for the masses, what what do you want from me, as you tell them, I want you to listen to me, I want you to love me, I want you to be kind and so on. So, I think consider that so childish, this is so kind of trivial. Something essentially need something practical, come on, be reasonable, start automating and fighting each other. Why? Because each is trying to force and enforce their version of love and respect on the other party. So if you

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love your spouse, you need to think of it that way. They understand that.

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It's not yours, because they have this ILA. And it's you how you see Love, love and respect between a husband and wife. Now, when it comes to love, and respect between

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there is no more beautiful model. There is no beautiful great model than the model Rasulullah sallallahu. It was,

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after all, he was said to mankind as a

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person to mankind.

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That's why

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imagine imagine

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as an angel, he says,

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But those who believe in Him, they would see difficulty in following his example because they will have their excuse saying while he was a man, he wasn't he wasn't he? I can't do that. I cannot do this. I'm a human being. But

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that was one of the arguments of the machine when they asked

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how come

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down to a human being Allah subhana wa Tada. He gave them the answer. He said, If you sent him as an engine would have made him even human. Even when we send them an engine, we would make him

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so if we send them down, he has to come down.

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Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam was sent out as a human being so that we can relate to him. Salatu was Salam Allah, Allah azza wa jal met him Basha. He said in certain cases, the ayah Surah that you recite every Friday and until the end the last time. Dr. Mohammed, Mohammed called tell them play announced this to them in ama and Akasha. I am a human being in America.

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Yes, he was a human being but he was a superior. He was super human. He was.

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He was this he was that all these kind of ideas

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because of us immediately, immediately.

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The answer against all these thoughts in the following work in the same ayah myth lucam, just like you

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so that no one would say, Yeah, he was a superhuman seven cannot do that, because he was different.

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He was mythical human being just like you, you have a lady who receives revelation. So in order for us to, to see the profits or to relate to him, he has to be a human being.

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And that's why I love him as a role model rather than I mean, we are commanded to follow the prophets of Allah, everything, and Salah

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had all the all the devotional, and that also include His love, and his manners, His love and His manner. In other Sahaba, they used to ask about all these things, all these things. So some of the three young companions that came to the house.

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And they were asked about his devotional practice at home, they've seen him outside.

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They want to know, what does he do at home.

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So when the wives of the Prophet SAW,

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they describe what the product does at home, and

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that's really, it just like many people.

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And that's why many sisters,

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they adore the idea of marrying a religious speaker and a mom, or a public speaker. So I wish I can marry this guy. I had some requests on Facebook, but not for being

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some some ladies that asked him, could you please connect with you and XYZ,

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they want to marry some of these public figures. So I sent them

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just to let you know he's ever been asked. And if you think that he's going to make a video, all these beautiful lectures at home on daily basis, you will be dreaming.

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The morning to his young men, they came to the houses of Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam. And they asked,

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they said okay, what are the reasons As for me, I shall, I shall fast every single day. I will never stop.

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The other one says I will make every single night. I won't sleep at night. The third one says I'm going to abandon pleasure. I'm going to quit with any form of pleasure, and I will never get married. He wants to live a celibate life so that he would dedicate his life to Allah subhanho wa Taala. That sounds impressive, right? There's another impressive vision.

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Isn't that impressive?

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Just for the worship of Allah subhanho wa Taala. Absolutely impressive.

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Absolutely not, because we are not super humans. We're humans who dedicated a portion of us on our data. So the model we heard about that He gave His answer.

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He says,

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What's wrong with us?

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And he did his interpretation.

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On the most faithful to Allah subhana wa talamantes, all of you.

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Most people don't. However, he said,

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I read the AMA and you get some sleep, what does it want to miss out on I get married, the process of a lot of setup has given us here a gesture that just like everybody else

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that is involved has examples of a lot of insulin and fasting.

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And believe it or not, even in marriage.

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He says this is my son.

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This is my anyone who doesn't follow my example

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of mine.

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So even in marriage, there is a Sunnah there is following the example.

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Many of us, many of us, we take training to take the driver license, you take training to become a teacher, you become licensed for so many things in life comes to marriage. We don't do anything.

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Because it's just as good. I've seen people getting married all these years, I can learn from books I can learn from people from my mom and my dad. You still need to learn that and the best teacher. Those are some of

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the best amongst you and also the best of their families and I have the best of my family

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which means the best among all of us. You

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One last thing as much as they maintain a good relationship with their spouse, or their family, according to the example

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sounds trivial, but it's very, very essential. And so rewarding in the

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end is worth.

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It am the best, the best of my family.

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And by that he is what your obedience and your following was example. So the

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most of us, most of us within the household

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was the perfect household trauma.

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Don't you believe?

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His family life was the perfect family life? Do you believe that?

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Wasn't the perfect family life?

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Yes and No, right?

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Yes, because this is the first model. Now it depends on how you find perfection, because most of us would define perfection by what? No issues? No problems. No.

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No jealousy, no competition, right?

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Well, no, we had to do that. And part of the perfection of his relationship, that he dealt with that successfully.

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So if you're looking for a perfect relationship, and perfect marriage, please, please don't expect a problem or trouble free marriage. That's not a perfect marriage. That's not perfect. But that goes fantasy.

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And it's not real. perfect marriage is a marriage, that you're going to have to go through all these challenges. And then you just know how to go about it. Because the professor said he knew how to go about these issues. A lot of mine was for the brothers and sisters, those who like to have this perfect marriage, they need to know to be prepared for these issues.

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I have a request that you that some of the sisters are sitting on that side, they are unable to concentrate and focus and perhaps

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because some kids are running around.

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Make sure to control distractions, as much as possible. Appreciate that.

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So again, a perfect marriage doesn't mean it's troubled free marriage. No, no, no. A perfect marriage isn't a typical marriage that you're going to have to go through some of these troubles. However, you become a spawn navigate. You don't have to handle you don't have to deal with that. So let's see how the perfection of the management

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through the smart navigation through all these challenges. If you asked about one of the top problems between

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one of the tough problems between husband and wife, what would it mean for the guys?

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In between you and your spouse? Because of

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any suggestion sisters? The number one?

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The number one reason?

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I can't hear it, I'm sorry.

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He says money. Well, that's one of them.

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Maybe it's your problem.

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But there's so many other problems. You know, when I ask people to give me the reasons, one of the top priority, one of the top reasons for problems between husband and wife is jealousy.

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oh my god, when men and women they become so jealous about one jealous,

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am woman she's Jada her husband spends so much time with his mom that he will do whatever

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he wants so much. He spent more time on his laptop computer than he would do with her children. A man is so jealous that his wife she will perhaps maybe she she spends too much time with her family. And she was spending time with his family. And eventually it comes to jealousy comes in different formats, let alone a woman gets jealous because her husband receives a phone call from his female coworker.

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And then the moment he receives a phone call, oh hi XYZ.

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I wish I could have this greeting when I call you. It's not like what is it?

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Once you know that.

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It's not like it was gonna work and he says to her, I'm at home right now.

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His wife she gets really upset.

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Which means

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he or

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she chases him out. Eventually, it becomes a real issue.

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Is it legitimate? Jealousy? Absolutely. Especially with jealousy. But does that justify the fact that his wife comes to the cell phone? And she start checking all the female names?

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Okay, tell me who's this?

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Dude? Does he have to do that? What about the man? What if this one works?

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And this brother called Mashallah, they woke me up when in doubt. And he called his sister, you know, to the police officer that all can speak over the phone, and it takes forever.

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Or maybe he comes home his wife was chatting on Facebook, because eventually, she's done. All martial

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law. Is that okay? That's jealousy. Well, jealousy was also part of the process.

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Can you imagine? Jealous?

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I want you to think of jealousy.

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Because when we think about loving, beautiful speech, the most beloved one,

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I want you to think of her when she's jealous. What could she do?

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What could women do? And what can men do it? Isn't it when it comes to a civilized house, his wife never kills, like anybody else. He was

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the first one.

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With the province of Alaska, first home Salomon Brothers, she had children

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from her previous marriage, her husband passed away. So the property proposed and she said,

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Listen, I have so many children who

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are not going to be able to handle my kids and other things he said.

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So that the

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children will be mature.

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Which means

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I will take my kids and ask for jealousy. He didn't say comma.

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I'm the Prophet about it.

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And he didn't even he did not even deny the fact that she could be jealous. jealousy. He validated them. But he told her it says jealousy a lot to make it easy.

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Which means is not even in my control.

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Because of her characteristics and qualities, she makes you she's like she was one of the most beautiful women and she was one of these. This has beautiful leadership qualities. The wife of

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Allah they were two teams has been

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fantasize and Alsace Lola was a perfect you know, like Mashallah, like a beehive. All the wives are just too busy working

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on that

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to know.

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So you have Ayesha Hopson

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so the purpose of

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this jealousy

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envy or jealousy to make it acceptable level?

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Or just you know,

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you need to make number two, the second example.

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Jealousy just breaks out in a moment. a tantrum, that's a moment that she made something, he makes something in common action that shows disrespect. How are you going to react to that most men they become offended of their wives act in a way that is considered disrespectful to them, particularly in front of people. So here's

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some guests.

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She said, came to me and had guests with him.

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He was not very good cook. She wasn't very good.

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She said.

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So when

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he asked her, do you have anything relatively against? She said, No. I'll make something real quick.

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I don't have any credit.

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So the

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finished, he said, okay, he said some servers gone check out.

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So they weren't and they brought a plate or a dish from the house of Hopson.

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Had some food actually prepared when the server was coming in. And when she came through the doors of the house of ice imagine a food coming from another one into the house to feed the guests

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from food to another one.

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So she said the moment she heard the steps of the servant as she was coming through the door, she can quickly and she stroked the hands of the server. She dropped them he bought the plane.

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What do you guys think of this action? The man

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they were interested.

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Here's the thing.

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And when you love someone, you forgive them

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and not just forgive them, make them feel good. That this is legit, I understand.

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It's really offensive to me, perhaps disrespect in front of the guests that he did that to me. Like for madness as if it is all my

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guest today.

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He will be in jail to emigrate.

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He so

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he's fine.

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And he's not calling the guest. basically ask another place. He started collecting the food.

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And he started talking to the guest and says

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what can I do?

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Which is invalid is no stealing. It is called heaven. I said, How dare you do that? How dare you embarrassed, you don't want that's it? I'm done.

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If you truly love someone, you're willing to forgive and accept, put yourself under position.

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You think

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when she put herself in a position to get herself to make her jealous herself she was having trouble in the sight of it.

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When the robot used to travel, he will take some of his wife's work. That night. The turtle that Jeremy the turtle was what some of the lessons are some of

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as they were traveling the weapon usually they stayed in the bathroom, the whole the whole caravan. So the profits, some of us are gonna be like, oh, all the way back to chit chat with them being thoughtful. Why? Because they're a long journey. Women, they get bored. They need some communication. It's not like that scheduled a destination.

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Now they want some sort of thoughtful gesture. So the property understand the need to connect and communicate. He goes back to chit chat and talk with them. When the other cameras on the camera there is like a like a small chance to cover them from the from the screen from the sun from the dirt and so on. So this is how Sasha says, You know what, why did the Prophet every time he comes back, he knows that he wants to

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Let's switch

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over to something exciting. Something. Let's make something so they thought about it. So they switch the camera. So I went from the camera. So the camera much

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goes back to the camera. And he looks who's there in the eyes.

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But it was I was wondering

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boys, perhaps they will remember but eventually the brother decided it's time to come. And you want to spend the night that he voted the 10th divisor to be moved to his main basically, who wasn't that 10th

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house I showed you when they will attempt to hurt and right now and she just went to look to see where she was one.

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Now she realized that

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What can she do? She said

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and since you took so jealous.

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She said she was so jealous that she went and she put her on the bushes that doesn't pushes and she said Yara send any snake and is corporate justified. I can take this.

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I don't want to just say that's like a committing suicide.

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But it shows you that the jealousy is genuine jealousy. It's a series. So the God is the need to learn to adapt, that women are old to be jealous in that sense. It's a positive jealousy because that's an instinct of survival. Same thing for men. It's an entity of survival. If you

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Don't show your jealousy or your spouse.

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You don't care, you're completely insensitive to them. So you need to show that part of jealousy however, it has to be done.

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And I mean by model jealousy does has its limits. So go in and violating secrecy going after the emails and going after that account. And

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I think in this case, it's not a matter of jealousy, this is a matter of mistrust. And we will have a big problem with them. Unless someone truly finds that there is no reason for them to suspect something beyond the normal behavior.

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If this is the case, they need to have serious counseling, serious, serious counseling to deal with that. But what I'm saying is that jealousy is acceptable. Based on this question of counsel, jealousy, actually, from the sister side, and they got to having opposite genders friends on your Facebook account, is that okay? Is it fine for a woman to have all these guys on her Facebook account as friends? How about the guys? Is it okay for a guy to have all these female friends online? Is that

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what it

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is even such thing as friendship? Just we're just friends. You know, the famous, the famous YouTube video that came out? That young kid was on one of these universities, university was an event to videos, can men and women be friends and he went randomly asking students on college can men and women different? Interesting, all the girls,

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women can be

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the gods, they would say

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all the guys

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and all the girls.

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See, even the perception of friendship is different for a man, this motivation monitor. And then he made another video I asked him if men and women when they meet

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can do this. And even beyond friendship.

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He will think beyond that meaning he is interested in going on to the next level.

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Interested so the brothers and sisters will have opposite gender on that account? I really don't recommend that for you. And if you're married, that's a no no situation. Why am I saying that for

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dealing with some very tough candidates because

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some of the sisters they will be sitting

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on Facebook, chatting with some guys and so on, and so on. Vitria developed from being dealt with Isabella. Now unfortunately, it's more than that. And now I'm dealing with a situation where they just say, You know what? I quit. Three months later, they she went back again to the census question.

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And then he said, okay, he says, I accept the first apology. But now what do

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you try to reconcile that, but I'm talking about serious damage and the relationship, this becomes very, very soon. So as your sponsors, you have the right to ask you to remove all these friends. Or absolutely, if you can even close that account will be better for you.

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Because now, once you have your spouse, there is no meaning for you really to have any kind of beautiful relation, satisfactory resolution.

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That's a recommendation. Next. So as you can see the prophets of Allah.

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Allah subhanho wa Taala he took it as a new one.

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And also the Prophet so sometimes he will just turn his eyes and turn the city away from intelligence. When I showed

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the wife of the prophets of Assam we came to parties basically the Sahaba every time they see the Prophet sallallahu wasallam where he is

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of a lot of setup is in the house

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when it goes somewhere else.

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So the other one I thought that was unfair. Why is why they're not sending anything. So they complain and this complaint they sent on Sarah

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who was the head of the other team she said

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you know the wives are asked you if it's possible to ask the people so they could send their gifts wherever you are.

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The Prophet said to her, I can't do that. I can't force people to do this. So she went back to the ladies and she gave her the answer.

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She said I asked the process of

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In response,

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they were not satisfied. So you're gonna have to talk to him again.

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So, because again, she talks to us,

00:30:11--> 00:30:39

and asked me if you could tell the people to do the propaganda said response silence. Then that finally when she came for the third time, later on, she came for the third time, asking for the same request, received a lot of a lot, it was very, very open. And very next president very honest answer says, it says, Please, Counselor says, Please, do not hurt me in regard to actually a lot of time.

00:30:41--> 00:30:51

Don't do that. I don't want you to talk about it. Which means I love her. This is something you know, I cannot control therefore stop hurting me.

00:30:53--> 00:31:02

She stopped and she went back to them. They asked her does he go again? and talk to him? I'm not going in. So So they said,

00:31:03--> 00:31:06

Can you guess? They said, Father,

00:31:07--> 00:31:15

his daughter, to his wife and I had worked with them. Let's say this daughter, because I know a lot of beautiful daughter Fatima. So if

00:31:16--> 00:31:21

you ask me Do you know some sort of justice in regard to Irish

00:31:23--> 00:31:25

and Irish? She was.

00:31:27--> 00:31:56

And she remained quiet. And that's not an issue. Right? The issue of the endless who's going to solve the problem, you're going to live your life, live that typical time to deal with your daughter or your sister or your mom. And so I just get you just watching and see what's going on. While the Prophet sallallahu wasallam he supported his wife against the case of the other woman, even if the arbitrator away or the employer was his own beloved daughter, Fatima, he thought

00:31:58--> 00:31:59

that she was put in this position.

00:32:02--> 00:32:03

Don't you

00:32:07--> 00:32:10

told him isn't a hippie had just noticed.

00:32:12--> 00:32:13


00:32:16--> 00:32:18

once you thought the word, he told me,

00:32:19--> 00:32:21

they were not satisfied at all.

00:32:22--> 00:32:26

They said, This one was silent. Sunday.

00:32:27--> 00:32:30

I she said about what God had to say. I mean,

00:32:32--> 00:32:32

she was

00:32:34--> 00:32:35

she wasn't meant to

00:32:36--> 00:32:40

be the most favorite and the most beautiful. She was the second.

00:32:42--> 00:32:47

So that's why she was very vocal. So the moment she got into the house, she started attacking.

00:32:49--> 00:32:51

She wasn't very harsh statements.

00:32:52--> 00:32:53

I she was

00:32:55--> 00:32:57

just like, looking at it.

00:32:59--> 00:33:05

He doesn't want to be part of this, just like her. So she's asking permission is really nervous about

00:33:07--> 00:33:07

this all

00:33:08--> 00:33:12

the time. It gave her basically the gesture that she's yours.

00:33:14--> 00:33:23

And he thought she dealt with it in a brilliant way that she may say that to stop and be quiet. She stopped.

00:33:25--> 00:33:27

She stopped speaking

00:33:30--> 00:33:32

his reaction, what is he going to do? So she looked at the

00:33:34--> 00:33:44

big smile on his face. Because this is the daughter of America, which is my daughter. See, that's what I'm talking about. So

00:33:45--> 00:34:27

sometimes situations like jealousy like these, you need to try to be as neutral as possible, which is don't get involved as much as possible. As much as possible, try to stay neutral in these cases. In many situations, women, they might have some issues, and those that have some issues. Still, if you as long as it's not a matter of insult a matter of you becoming abusive to one another, then they will solve their issues. A shallow dialogue isn't however, also I want the ladies and the guys to understand. You cannot put your wife between her family and your family and ask her to choose that's not fair. And the same thing, the lady you cannot put your husband between his mom and you

00:34:27--> 00:34:33

and ask him to choose. That's not a fair choice. You're gonna have to sort things out properly.

00:34:35--> 00:34:44

That it's a matter of competition between 200 to one at the heart of this man. Each one of them has its own territory. If you keep it to that directory should be fine.

00:34:45--> 00:34:52

If you stick with the other party's territory, that's what we have to touch. So as a mother, you would never be able to replace him and as a wife

00:34:55--> 00:34:57

of the mother in the heart, so keep that in mind.

00:34:58--> 00:34:59

Next when it comes

00:35:00--> 00:35:03

To another issue husband wife is

00:35:04--> 00:35:07

a very common thing about women has.

00:35:09--> 00:35:12

Meaning if I say something she's never fired.

00:35:13--> 00:35:15

Every time I asked her to be quiet, she

00:35:16--> 00:35:23

just tried to stay quiet and withdraw. She keeps chasing me. She wants to make me hear the things that I don't want to hear.

00:35:25--> 00:35:27

keep raising their voices. Right, ladies and

00:35:30--> 00:35:31


00:35:33--> 00:35:35

Absolutely. Is that something coming?

00:35:37--> 00:35:41

up soon? Absolutely. Absolutely. One of these images.

00:35:42--> 00:35:43


00:35:48--> 00:35:50

had some heated discussion that

00:35:52--> 00:36:17

she wasn't happy, she wasn't excited. She was raising her voice. She was raising her voice, that voice could be heard in the message, you know, the house was attached to them as just like this corner. And that window was a window over look into the message that was the hospital salon, where I introduce to them. And they had an open door from the other side as well. So when I was

00:36:20--> 00:36:20

there, boys could

00:36:21--> 00:36:22

have thought of

00:36:23--> 00:36:26

her that he came running into the house of ice.

00:36:27--> 00:36:31

The moment she saw her father coming in, she's not hiding behind her.

00:36:34--> 00:36:46

Eye, she was fighting with him just a second ago. And now she's hiding seeking protection was it was sort of like an eternal sort of love was holding on to something However, he goes, it's okay.

00:36:50--> 00:36:52

He was chasing his daughter says,

00:36:55--> 00:36:56

raising your voice against

00:37:01--> 00:37:06

the Son of God, and his best friend. But hiding behind

00:37:08--> 00:37:11

finally convinced him to go down and

00:37:14--> 00:37:24

then he left office, etc. So I turned to him. And now he tries to win her heart and her satisfaction saying You see, I supported you I helped you get through that

00:37:25--> 00:37:27

was really look, I was there for you.

00:37:29--> 00:37:34

And he kept trying and trying to find yourself smiling and laughing. And they both

00:37:39--> 00:37:41

came back again into the house.

00:37:42--> 00:38:25

And he said, What's going on? Basically the way you guys put me into your war, I want to be part of your peace. Which means Tell me what's going on with the situation. See, it happens. And I want you to think when I was talking to the civil law, civil law was taking that defensive position, and she's reading her books. It happens sometimes, the woman she wants to talk, and she wants to be known as a man doesn't mean that you know, this is disrespect. But it just it's the way she Express expresses her her frustration sometimes. And because she trusted that you're her man. And you are going to handle this. You're tough guy, you can handle that. So please, let me just let it come up.

00:38:25--> 00:38:26

And that's what I was

00:38:29--> 00:38:31

trying to win again. And I was wondering

00:38:33--> 00:38:35

how long did it take?

00:38:37--> 00:38:45

To convince me very upset to stop laughing again, you can imagine that she's very upset and wrong. And it also

00:38:47--> 00:38:49

helped her guess with that. She was just No, no.

00:38:51--> 00:39:23

Come on. I'm stalling. Judges are smiling and giggling, amazing, beautiful, beautiful interaction between a husband and wife. That's one example. Another example, one time, which also interconnects with another quality of the problem between the husband wife, high demands and high maintenance. When it comes to the ladies and women, they always want to improve something in their life. And even sometimes it costs money, right? Like a vacation, you know, new address, upgrading the kitchen, something in the house, whatever they want to do.

00:39:25--> 00:39:33

So it takes it takes an effort on demand needs to be sometimes convinced that's the agenda to spend that much. So the wives of us little wise,

00:39:34--> 00:39:39

were surrounding him because they heard that money just came from

00:39:40--> 00:39:43

the east coast of the Arabian Peninsula a lot of money.

00:39:45--> 00:39:46

And now that means they're

00:39:47--> 00:39:59

gonna start distributing this in the community. And then you have a salon. He always keeps for himself and his family, the minimum. He doesn't want to give too much

00:40:00--> 00:40:01

People name is about his money.

00:40:02--> 00:40:11

His wife's they knew they heard about that. And the deal if you don't go fast, if they don't act fast, it's gonna go away before the sun goes down. So they

00:40:13--> 00:40:15

they surrounded him, and they can ask him yada

00:40:18--> 00:40:18


00:40:20--> 00:40:27

it's not my money, I can't give you any more I only give you a portion of the demand, the more demand the more that

00:40:30--> 00:40:33

they actually went in, they're going after their daughters.

00:40:40--> 00:40:41

another occasion was

00:40:44--> 00:40:56

the worst. The worst was Ola getting too loud. So he decided permission, asked permission to come in. When the women heard Omar asked him permission, they all covered up and remember

00:40:57--> 00:40:58

he looked at the whole

00:41:03--> 00:41:05

situation. So he looked at me.

00:41:12--> 00:41:27

And when I come in, it becomes you become so quiet. So does she answer again answering but they didn't stop. They kept quiet. She said because otherwise all of a sudden he's very nice, very gentle, wonderful. You're very rude.

00:41:29--> 00:41:37

You're tough and rude. He says that's why we will require us to highlight the issue of my mentors they require that they

00:41:40--> 00:41:45

need improvement. That doesn't mean that they're very into the Judean.

00:41:48--> 00:41:50

on them system for law think of agenda.

00:41:52--> 00:41:59

as having simple and sharp it's good, it's good to do this. But if Allah has given you what it can do put them at a better level

00:42:01--> 00:42:08

they demand that they ask for it if you can afford that it's okay. Allah subhana wa Taala says 100 as we

00:42:09--> 00:42:13

speak about on this show on you.

00:42:32--> 00:42:33

So again the last

00:42:36--> 00:42:47

Otherwise, they will require some improvement in the house all the time. So we should take it easy on them. On the other hand, women they need to understand that demand can be accepted or can be fulfilled.

00:42:52--> 00:42:57

That doesn't mean the husband has to say yes every time you say I want them to squat I want

00:42:58--> 00:43:18

it doesn't have to be accepted. You would like for example to explore something new in life the husband is not comfortable with if he says no that doesn't reach the end of the world. You don't break your marriage because your husband doesn't want you to work for example you don't break your marriage because something in your personal schedules gonna change because he has a different perspective on this issue.

00:43:19--> 00:43:34

And he kept saying you know no until the last panel with a lot of stuff on his behalf given the weapon the option that this is his lifestyle. If you want to stay with him you want to welcome if you want to the material good now

00:43:36--> 00:43:45

we want this he'll give it to you but you're gonna be outside this is his marriage visa This is going to take you out in a divorce you will give you whatever you want. And

00:43:46--> 00:43:48

they all chose Of course to be with us

00:43:50--> 00:43:51


00:43:53--> 00:44:17

are they allowed to complain that saying keep aching and feeling the pain and headaches and so on? It's very common. I hear that a lot from Muslim one maybe there's something considered trivial at some point. When a woman keeps complaining like oh my God, my bath or my legs and so on the husband at the beginning he has all of you honey blah blah blah and then after a few weeks, a few months a few years and marriage says come on

00:44:19--> 00:44:20

Aren't you gonna stop

00:44:21--> 00:44:22


00:44:23--> 00:44:39

Get that this medication that medication so they stop bring it to the lens of whenever. And when men they meant they tried to be tough so even if they're lazy, or they have some faith at all they get by when they when they fall sick, man they are like babies. That's what

00:44:40--> 00:44:45

this was my suit. Stay here next to me. Don't leave me alone and all that stuff.

00:44:46--> 00:44:48

They want to be Packard so much.

00:44:53--> 00:44:54

regard to this pain.

00:44:56--> 00:44:59

He desired to be closest to his beloved artists.

00:45:00--> 00:45:22

In the last few days of his life, he was aching so much. So every time he just, he wants to be now moving on to the next next house, he would say, What am I going to manage tomorrow? Where is it going to be tomorrow? Where is it going to be tomorrow? So the people they otherwise they understood, that he's waiting for the device is getting tired of this rotation. He wants to stay in one place. So they all agree.

00:45:23--> 00:45:25

That's okay. Let's keep you in the house.

00:45:27--> 00:45:28

And we'll come to this.

00:45:30--> 00:45:32

He was very appreciative for that gesture from them.

00:45:33--> 00:45:57

He didn't demand that, but he was just kind of saying, What am I going to meet tomorrow? Are they going to meet tomorrow or next? So finally, they understood the point of this idea. So let's Okay, we come up with a specialist in house advisor. So it's alright to complain that you've given us a secret. Even Obama will file a lot of dialogue. He said he wasn't affecting the permissibility of complaining about pain. And he brought this

00:45:59--> 00:46:02

she had an edit. One day she just

00:46:04--> 00:46:21

came in the woman the woman says her husband, who is into her, he's the carrier of all her food and her pains. He's the one with whom and events, all his frustration. So the woman she saw some lashes said on my head, oh my god, my head is killing.

00:46:24--> 00:46:45

The process of the lesson. Yeah, he's always gentle and nice, but sometimes, like, a man he gets frustrated is taking too much. So he told his Well, you know, what is my handle is also scaring me. And then he told her, what's the problem? What, why don't you take just a few dollars? He said, he told him, if you die, I would wash you.

00:46:50--> 00:46:53

What would be the response of a woman for a response like this?

00:46:54--> 00:46:58

Let's say the man tells you it's okay. If you're not

00:47:00--> 00:47:01

meant to be taken care of.

00:47:02--> 00:47:03

What would you respond to him?

00:47:05--> 00:47:07

I should she was caught off.

00:47:09--> 00:47:12

Guard was pneumonia, which was just oh my god, look at this.

00:47:13--> 00:47:20

You want me to die? I knew it. Because when I die, I'm sure that when you bury that same night, you're gonna be

00:47:22--> 00:47:23

dealing with otherwise.

00:47:24--> 00:47:36

Which was a nightmare mode on my deathbed. And, of course, that's not true because of brokenness. I loved it so much. But sometimes they might have is in an argument or is in discussions, take it easy.

00:47:38--> 00:47:52

Doesn't mean he hates you. He just like he's responded his frustration in a in a way that he thought he's also bending like you. So you need to sometimes carry the pain and the burden of going on. So you can

00:47:54--> 00:47:54


00:47:58--> 00:48:08

pranks and practical jokes. Is it permissible, as permissible? Is it okay for a woman to make a practical joke to her husband? But as long as

00:48:10--> 00:48:12

I don't call him says By the way, I'm running away with this guy.

00:48:17--> 00:48:17


00:48:19--> 00:48:20

what happened in the house of personalized

00:48:23--> 00:48:30

answers. They were with him in the house. As I said Ayesha was not a good cook. So there wasn't the age of the modifiers.

00:48:32--> 00:48:34

So when they brought into the room,

00:48:36--> 00:48:40

she started eating, started eating. So that was not eating.

00:48:41--> 00:48:48

And so that was the end of it. So she was basically it was difficult. So as she goes along.

00:48:49--> 00:48:57

Now, I'm sure that she was perhaps you would say she was a teenager at that time, maybe 1650 6070 years old. She's basically very

00:48:58--> 00:49:01

opinionated, and she's a very strong personality.

00:49:03--> 00:49:04

So she says,

00:49:06--> 00:49:09

imagine you're a woman in her face.

00:49:11--> 00:49:13

Whoa, just like a major sin. So

00:49:17--> 00:49:21

you eat otherwise don't get a speedo Facebook's sort of

00:49:26--> 00:49:27


00:49:31--> 00:49:31


00:49:38--> 00:49:42

he just took the moment and he doesn't live in that moment. So when

00:49:43--> 00:49:44

she was coming

00:49:45--> 00:49:47

in, she looked across the room,

00:49:48--> 00:49:50

which means paper.

00:49:52--> 00:49:57

So she grabbed some trash and she spread her face with that too, and Uppsala was laughing.

00:50:00--> 00:50:09

So when she does something funny, it's alright to laugh. Ladies, your husband and then if they do something funny, or maybe they pretend to be funny, please

00:50:13--> 00:50:17

show them respect. And it was really funny and just

00:50:19--> 00:50:23

they weren't just to act funny. Sometimes you give them the chance to do

00:50:25--> 00:50:30

the same thing. Guys, if you want something like that, it's alright to laugh. It's okay to have this kind of

00:50:31--> 00:50:32

another example.

00:50:33--> 00:50:34

When I

00:50:36--> 00:50:47

want you to Sofia the amount that she had honey, honey, on Sunday I called mafia, which has had a very bad smell. And the process of Alaska when it came to the house of Sofia,

00:50:49--> 00:50:50

she knew that he loves honey.

00:50:54--> 00:51:01

So of course, he did came from the honey. And then when he went out, I saw that she heard about

00:51:02--> 00:51:15

so she went and she called Sofia and saw that the other ladies in the same camp, they said listen also was gonna come to you. And he's gonna, basically he had some honey from the house of house. I want you to tell him that you smell

00:51:18--> 00:51:21

the bad smell and the property he hated. Anyone just says anybody.

00:51:22--> 00:51:33

And if you ask, you know, it was just honey from the house of Sophia. Can you tell him that it's not? It must be that the bees are from the from the tree. So eventually, so I come to the house.

00:51:35--> 00:51:36

And I She goes, What is this?

00:51:37--> 00:51:50

It goes nothing. It's just from the house. And she goes, No, no, this was like my fear. Which was I don't like that. Oh, my God. I hate that. Because no one is just physicalists honey I get from the house of house

00:51:51--> 00:51:54

that she said that the bees must have taken from the math in

00:51:56--> 00:51:59

the house of Southern Southern she says she was freaked out

00:52:00--> 00:52:02

and was about to come in. She said What is this?

00:52:03--> 00:52:11

He was coming into the door she goes what is the smell, and so forth. Horizontal Ah, wow. And that distance.

00:52:13--> 00:52:14

Just honey I got

00:52:15--> 00:52:23

the Cincinnati went with Sophie all day long. Eventually, when he went back to the house of house shop, she said some honey

00:52:26--> 00:52:33

sound as he was narrating the story is later after the death of the processor last and then she said

00:52:36--> 00:52:41

with the private what he loved. So I should just Just be quiet, be gone.

00:52:44--> 00:53:24

pauses is big. Which means it was at the moment was funny. It was fun. It was practical joking song. So suddenly, when there's nothing in the house, take the moment. And if it's funny that it's funny, really, there is no harm if you guys make some of these NSM practice with each other. But please, please, first of all you need to understand and prepare your spouse that they're willing to take a break. And I would suggest specifically for the ladies, you need to check with your husband, maybe he's not a funny person. Or maybe he doesn't have a funny one in his body. So therefore, be careful whenever you throw a pillow on him or anything like that, he might throw something else

00:53:27--> 00:53:30

out so be careful before you go next.

00:53:31--> 00:53:33

When it comes to understanding,

00:53:35--> 00:54:09

you know husband and wife married to be balling. And I mean by that you need to understand masculine language and also the feminine language. And ladies the same thing you need to be it understand your first language is feminine language. But you need to also understand the masculine language completely different a different direction. Just to show you an example of how women understand things. If both husband and wife and example I mentioned before, that both husband and wife, they enter the walk in closet to wear something for the wedding that they're going to be going

00:54:12--> 00:54:17

towards right now. The husband looks around and he goes there is nothing to wear of him.

00:54:19--> 00:54:23

I know Michelle says her son she knows there is nothing to earn over.

00:54:24--> 00:54:30

The world is the same right? But someone in the masculine extraordinary. What does exactly mean? There's nothing

00:54:32--> 00:54:33

for you guys when you come into the

00:54:35--> 00:54:36

closet and you say there is nothing

00:54:37--> 00:54:39

there is nothing to elevate. What does that mean to you?

00:54:42--> 00:54:43

This is nothing ready?

00:54:46--> 00:54:49

Nothing there is nothing to me. Ladies, when you say there's nothing

00:54:52--> 00:54:55

nothing new nothing suitable for the occasion.

00:54:57--> 00:55:00

Even though the words are the same, there is nothing

00:55:00--> 00:55:02

Hey there, there's nothing there.

00:55:03--> 00:55:22

Why? Because we speak completely two different languages, even though the words we use is the same, you have to decipher the language of the opposite gender. So men and women need to be bilingual. And it would be clever if you can understand it silently without even saying a word. Like what? An example, personalized

00:55:23--> 00:55:24

one day, so I'm

00:55:26--> 00:55:27

listening to the,

00:55:28--> 00:55:43

to the plane of the seniors in the magical day. So as she was working something analysis done that she was listening to them, the process of allocation is done. What do you expect him to do? How does he understand your attention to that sound? What would he say?

00:55:45--> 00:55:47

He immediately understood their language.

00:55:50--> 00:55:51

He said, you want to watch it?

00:55:53--> 00:56:09

Wherever there was, Oh, my God, I wish my husband is like this. I just said I just do something he would understand quickly. So he said, you want to watch this? She said, Yes. So he stood for her behind that window. And she came from behind him. And she said,

00:56:11--> 00:56:21

my cheek was on his G. If you imagine that, how would it look like? She literally was resting on his shoulder, and perhaps was holding him from behind?

00:56:22--> 00:56:35

And his cheek on his cheek and he himself, he's okay, leaving his face his head on her. And she stood there for a while, like any other man is busy, right? So he would tell him?

00:56:37--> 00:56:38

She said no.

00:56:40--> 00:56:44

And that is just so they can continue.

00:56:45--> 00:57:00

Then she said, Are you done? Are you done? She said, No. She kept saying no, no, until finally, finally, she said. Then he came back and they went back into business. He didn't regret it is a common that

00:57:01--> 00:57:02

he does when

00:57:04--> 00:57:08

I was when I was speaking about this incident. What did she say?

00:57:12--> 00:57:14

You know, I had no answers and

00:57:15--> 00:57:18

I just wanted the other wives to know about his position.

00:57:20--> 00:57:23

She wanted to hear about his long standing for her.

00:57:26--> 00:57:26


00:57:28--> 00:57:35

But if you look at that beautiful gesture holding your cheek to cheek and there was Holden amazing and beautiful Stan and

00:57:38--> 00:57:39

also personal motto

00:57:41--> 00:57:44

in the matter to me, Alda.

00:57:46--> 00:57:49

Viola, I know when you're happy with me,

00:57:50--> 00:57:50

she goes,

00:57:52--> 00:57:54

he says when you're happy, you're saying

00:57:55--> 00:57:56

I swear when

00:57:58--> 00:58:00

I was unhappy, you would say

00:58:02--> 00:58:03

I swear by the Lord.

00:58:04--> 00:58:20

So the project she said in response to that she said Yasuda level life lesson, I'm just avoiding your name, which means the Love is in the heart. I will just I'm just avoiding your name, meaning he understood. Even if she didn't say anything.

00:58:21--> 00:58:29

She says that she's unhappy right now we're gonna have to do something to, you know, make it awkward. He would understand that was

00:58:37--> 00:58:52

almost two minutes for this before we close out of the shop. But an interesting story, which is one of my favorite readers tours in the household. So the lesson if you couldn't finish it, we'll have to finish it off before we start the q&a session, but then also

00:58:53--> 00:58:56

our household had to deal with the silent treatment.

00:58:58--> 00:59:00

The husband comes into the house.

00:59:02--> 00:59:36

And he's trying to, you know, kind of soften things up so they just try to play smart. what's what's cooking, good located, all this good martial law. And she just said, you just can't say nothing. Why? Because before he went to work, he was so grumpy. And he just spent everything on everything. And she had to spend all these 89 hours at home. Just wondering in your mind, what is he doing out there? Even though perhaps given half the time not even thinking about what happened in the morning

00:59:37--> 00:59:38

and watching this morning?

00:59:40--> 00:59:46

Oh my god, I don't want to do okay, he didn't text me. Call me. She's gonna go check out my website and

00:59:47--> 00:59:50

she's wanting so much that when it comes

00:59:52--> 00:59:56

and she's so upset that it comes Marsha like nothing really happened. So she

00:59:59--> 00:59:59

won the lottery.

01:00:00--> 01:00:00


01:00:02--> 01:00:12

he heard about he went to his daughter house. He told her I heard that you guys have a lot of setup for the silent treatment. That's true.

01:00:17--> 01:00:22

You know sometimes we do the entire day, man, just experience the grind

01:00:26--> 01:00:28

the entire day. So

01:00:31--> 01:00:32

if you're not if

01:00:34--> 01:00:41

you're not like ash which means don't do it that might backfire on you is pleased to not do that.