Does Marriage Kill Love 2 Artist Painting A Picture

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Yaser Birjas

Channel: Yaser Birjas

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So,

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before I start with anything I would like to visualize something I want to mention one word, just one word of these few couple of words. And I want you to give me a mental picture of what is the first thing you would see when you hear those words? The words are two lovers.

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Two lovers.

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Can you give me a mental picture? What is the first thing that pops out in your mind? And can you give us a suggestion? What is on their mind? You must have seen something.

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You must have seen something when I said to lovers, something popped in your mind. What is the top of your mind? Let's say yes.

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To people hugging each other, and it will be an age the gender war is the exact

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opposite to our says man or woman.

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young

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teenagers

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have any one of you 65 years old man and woman without any TV sitting next to each other, whether children grandchildren.

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That would be the best, the best and the biggest love story.

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Why? Because the love was put to the test and succeeded. We've already inherited the bias against love in marriage. Because whenever we think of lovers, the only images that come in our mind, people who are not married. We only think of teenagers, we only think of young man and woman and and only believe in your marriage. Because for us if they get married, what's going to happen to them? Just Just like Shannon mentioned in the first two will be this malarkey. Are you okay? Everything is okay. And the year after that will be

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something

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in many cases truly managed takes them that route. However, it's not because marriage is bad. It's because their marriage is bad.

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It's not because the institution of marriage itself is wrong that feels love. No, they make choices and decisions. And

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that causes them to lose that level of leaky, or that beautiful relationship. So the first thing I want to start with is I want you to remove that premise out of your mind. The beginning when we say marriage, love, actually even the question itself is not

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even an emotion. Because we already given the answer. And we have a bias against marriage, and it's gonna kill your your love.

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If you're only happy,

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just stay together forever. You don't have to get married. We have given people the notion that when you get married, all these beautiful emotions that you enjoyed when you were in love with

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them,

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you're going to have completely different line. Well, I would say again, it's a bias that we have inherited against marriage. And we think that analogy does not sustain love and love cannot survive in marriage. And that is absolutely wrong. What I like to say to change this premise is to say that, is there any true love? Is there any true love that really survive outside of

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marriage is a thing that was genuine.

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A few months, a few weeks, two years and it just split the break up. So

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even though they were not married, they lost that love. What exactly happened that split that marriage that kills love. That's not that you know that the actual itself relationship that it's your choices, your actions. I mentioned that tumor earlier last yesterday, and I said that when it comes to marriage, you have to believe that marriage is considered a piece of art in which to artists, they come and they make their colors to make beautiful, colorful piece.

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I posted that statement on my Facebook yesterday, and I got to get an A and response from a sister who says to be very angry with her co artists

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And she said, I said that it doesn't have to be black and white.

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But her sponsor said, in reality, most of it is black and white. I wanted to respond to her saying you need to signal needs to learn some skills, how to draw how to be more smarter, such as you know,

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just deliver. Sometimes people, they need that reminder online. Maybe it's your manager that has the problem. But it doesn't really matter. It's all bad. And so truly and genuinely true love is the love that survives what I sometimes call the atrocities of marriage. Because if you're going to manage, you're going to have to go through the ups and downs in the law, you'll never enjoy the ups and the downs.

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And you will never appreciate these ups and you'll see what is down there. But what is always rosy and beautiful and colorful, and you live in a myth that doesn't last long. There is no such thing as eternal heaven unless accepted Hammond wouldn't see marriage as a heavenly bliss that becomes your own problem, your own perception about relationships, and about marriage. So what is it exactly what does it manage me, and this presentation, I would like to share with you the meaning of marriage, what is love, and the misconception about marriage, also the reality of marriage, five steps that we need to understand when it comes to marriage, and then what men and women they need the most in the

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relationship. Then finally, I'll give you some practical tips on how to improve your relationship and how to make your magical loving relationship official.

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So let's go through marriage. Again.

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Remember that marriage is a piece of art requires two artists to participate in that training. Without you guys put your covers there, it's gonna come out black and white.

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You only see the color that you have in your hand, you don't see the other person's color. The only thing that you see is what you're drawing, not anyone else participation or contribution to that painting. Unless you're about to schedule your colors and your skills, you will never see that problem. Also remember that when it comes to manage, manage requires hard work.

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It's hard work. I know managing

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time beginning you

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don't realize is when you get added, we just graduated from high school,

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you're gonna have to go through a lot of education. before you graduate,

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you're gonna have to learn when it comes to mad at something so interesting about marriage, brothers and sisters, marriage, you'll get the training on the job. Meaning regardless how much you've been advised, regardless how much you've been taught, you will still have to go through the training on the job itself. Exactly like

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how many of you want to

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raise your hands, if you've been to high school are you keep your hands up, those who have taken training before they want to keep your hands up if you had any training before you want to. Okay, now those have been when they went to training, and they showed us the trading firm within 100 or 72. Hands up

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almost nobody, regardless how much return regardless how much you

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have to live, in order to prove it in order to see an order to get adjusted to that. That's exactly what marriage is for the brothers and sisters who think that they can figure things out on their own. I'm sad to say that to you, I'm very sorry. But eventually, you're on your own. You're, you're gonna have to accept the fact that you can have to take the training on the job, so you'd be prepared for that. Now when it comes to love, when it comes to love, what is

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hard work, but what is

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the relationship? What would it comes to love, we've also been raised in this culture and those who came from somewhere else, they have adapted some awesome cultural quality characteristics of the culture of in regard to marriage, that love is an essential component for the success of this marriage. What is true, but in the desert of harmony, find love.

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Again, just like I said, When I asked you to throw that mental picture of

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all what you thought about adjust to young person, man or woman or girl or boy, and then a very intimate position by hugging and kissing, maybe holding each other and saw

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a woman whose swearing was just stupid and the kids around.

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Come back for more. Chris is excited to present the best food for him. Did you

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honestly love

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the guy who's working so hard. I

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He's doing all that stuff outside of there simply just to go to come back home feeling happy and excited after all the sacrifices for his wife and for his children. You didn't think of that? Well, that's true. And if you ask any man money is doing that for it would say, for the first volume for the children. And for women, if you asked her why she's been doing all that, she would say, it's because he deserved that I want to share what he does to me. So it's a matter of reality. If you interpret love the proper way, then you're gonna really survive that concept of does manage can love or not, it depends on your understanding and perception of love. The Hollywood lifestyle of

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Hollywood style of love, and the fairytale kind of love always ends with a final statement, basically the end of the story, which is a little known, and they live happily ever after. And I mentioned that earlier. And

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I said, I wish there was always a part two to those stories and would happily ever after. But I never do part

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two, part two, part one.

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And then there was always part of a story like this, it wouldn't be so individual after because it become like any regular love story in America.

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And then they became very old, and they're still sitting next to each other, having fun laughing.

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That's true love. So when it comes to love, true love really, if you want to ask people about true love my recommendation for the

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I would say asked married couples, as married couples, not just lovers, I when I say ask couples, married couples have median marriage or sometimes your I remember one brother actually came to me was asking you for some guidance on asking about American support. So I said, How long have you been married? I wanted to ask him how I was married.

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I said, How long? Have you been married? Since about five months? It's

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still too early.

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You're gonna have to pass that phase first. What are you doing the reality of marriage and marriage a lot, then you will be qualified to be referenced.

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Dustin will go through these feelings. Of course, they are beautiful feelings, but he has to put them to the test. Now,

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we also understand that true love, true love transforms itself transforms itself into the relationship from one phase

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and from one level to the other, and upgrading itself and moves from one level to the other. In

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this book,

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he spoke about the meanings of not just the word love itself. What does it exactly mean in the Arabic language, he said that the Arabs they gave that they gave you more than 16 different words to give different shades of love, sentimental love, emotional desires. last unit, he says they gave me more than 60 different names in itself starts explaining each one of them. In his book, he gave it to physicians are almost close to 50 of these names of his work, when he gave up it

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was too much to cover. So when it comes to the meaning of it, it comes in different shades. And each one of them represents one particular stage in your life. So those young men and women before they get married, or what they know about the other party is the best of the

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best to you want the perfect we're not associated with perfection beauty. So there must be beautiful, beautiful, the mountains must be beautiful, the judges see the perfect and because of

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the beautiful, beautiful your eyes, they must be perfect.

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The next time you start exploring the reality now when you live with someone, you're gonna have to wake up every single day perhaps to see their face. And then you're gonna have to sit together work together. You have to spend so much time exploring the reality of this individual. During this time, you'll see the things that you might not be excited about, you will not be happy that would you love is put to the test. What

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are you going to require? Are you going to talk and if you decide to take an action, what is the course of action you should take in order to make sure to maintain that when you start getting into troubles. loads up when you had your first child

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now, your heart

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This divide is completely divided between your child and your spouse. Now, should you get your spouse or your child or vice versa? If you do, how are you going to define that? What kind of love is that? This is not that.

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You know, you would love that. But whatever your spouse's a lot as to that your spouse go through some difficult time, maybe some elements, what are you going to do? How are you going to now move you love towards them physically, the same sentimental love,

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a different level of love. So it upgrades itself. So for those brothers and sisters, specifically,

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those

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that love the way you feel it and you'll see it on TV is going to continue transcending and moving into the relationship forever like that, I need you to wake up because you're still dreaming.

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And for those brothers and sisters have been married for so long. And then started watching TV recently. Now the past 10 years of marriage is Obama's time disaster.

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I said You're doing great just

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don't believe what you see on TV. Because even those who are on TV, they wish that they can live that story you rely

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on TV, they wish you guys know all these so called celebrity, they come in and out. their marriages are slightly more than those. They come in and out, in and out.

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They sustain one relationship

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in a thesis, they come and they make a

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divorce.

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And then they get married for 10 years or so.

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Again, we have no concept about marriage and about love. Allah subhanho wa Taala directed us to balance and sure the rule of law.

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And among

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among these miracles and the creation of mankind among reasons is this an

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area for you to Oman, yourself spouses as well as for what reason because kuruvilla so that you might you might feel peace and tranquility with them.

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And in place between us and between your heart,

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ma ma ma, ma ma ma is mercy translated into English word by saying passion and compassion.

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He placed between these these heart passion and compassion, the sentiments of beautiful feeling, but also the actual understanding of love and marriage, passion and compassion. When it comes to fashion. You might not have control over this, but compassion is a national decision.

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You show that Mercy by choice, loving.

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That's fine. But when it comes down to sustain that relationship, even when you lack it right now the passion you can still survive on love.

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And compassion can breed love, again, passion to you and the way you behave and interact in the relationship. This is how Allah Allah has trusted us as men and women mankind how we should look at love and marriage and relationship allows tada what Allah then did the same if he said

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that if you follow me, then there is this sign is amazing and beautiful gesture. And these beautiful miracles, there are signs. Again, you mentioned signs before me as a poker room for those who

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certainly would like to see the beauty of your relationship or your marriage, what do you need to do? You need to sit down and relax. Don't sit down and calculate the budget.

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Don't sit down and start calculating all these words in some calculated fashion and compassion. How is it the relationship? How much are you investing in there, if it exists, you will have the the promise

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that you will have some quality and peace.

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And if you don't go

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on your passion, compassion, you're not balancing it, you're not investing enough to get there, then you are actually not going to find that peace and tranquility, a lot of promise for those who get married. So keep that in your mind comes to love and culture matters.

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When it comes to the reality of marriage, when it comes to the reality of marriage, marriage actually is based on our understanding, you know, when it comes to relationships, anybody wants to bring their back.

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I will all bring with us a lot of understandings of the relationship political war, how are we going to do things and so far there will be another personality sometime that causes so much that

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Back to the relationship, this thing, what I call the Minister of marriage, or common misconceptions about marriage, I shared some of the drama. And I would like to go over that real quick before we move on to the five stages that every couple had to go through in the manager relationship. So some of these conceptions that perhaps some of us sitting here, right now we're even watching and listening to perhaps they have these misconceptions. When it comes to mobile. Number one, we believe that marriage will make me a better Muslim. So when people that want to get married, they think that I'm so bad, I want someone to listen to me, I want to save you. So

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they come to me and I said, What are you looking for? Then? First thing they asked about? This is someone who's religious. I said, Why?

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Well, you know, I need someone to help me out in my garden, my soul, I said, this is great. But if you're

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going to become

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that means if you need to,

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yes, you need to find someone who's religious

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person, but you have to work. Your work so hard on yourself, first and foremost, you cannot just throw us spiritual feather for your partner, that's gonna hear a lot of friendship.

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You know, when

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she gets upset with that, because this is the father of my children.

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How is he going to set a good example model was specifically avoidable.

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didn't you wake me up, is what you're supposed to do?

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What I did

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all these languages, it

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is your

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responsibility to wake up, not your wife. Sadly, the ladies don't say

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true. But you need to make sure that when it comes to a value individual abortion is

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number two.

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We believe some people believe that marriage will protect you from falling into the

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marriage will protect you from falling into the victim. And I've heard that from so many young people, particularly men, men, they're more visually oriented. So they look behind the scene. And that's why many, many churches that have tried with pornography and

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whether it's over the internet videos,

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try to pursue it

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whenever you

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can, to change

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anything. They think that in order to protect myself from the Iran, I need to get

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things done just fine.

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Well, the bad news is that a sin is a sin.

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When someone commits a sin, it's a sin, regardless of your marital status, and you have to work on fixing that between you and Allah subhana wa Taala. Same thing with the sister. She's having a hard time. She's having a hard time just maintaining. Because she always wants to get married. She was trying to talk to this guy and that guy

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was doing that it doesn't matter what

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the relationship is between you on the left

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is a misconception and because so much friction between men and women, because we all depend on the other party to help me improve in my deal in my next many people that will make me live happily ever after. As I said, this is part two.

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Part Two, it's your hard work is unique that manifests itself automatically makes you happy. It will make you happy temporarily because you're just living in this emotional high moment.

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But then once you didn't notice it in reality starts rationalizing, you actually feel your feelings and everything that you do, you can live happily ever after purchase by choice. And I like a strong believer and a very strong statement that you can live happily ever after. But it only happens in one place is a man that is out of this world that

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you will live happily ever after in a journey that's a promise of Allah subhana wa tada

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and your spouse also children were true believers of yours, they will follow you into them gentlemen, also some people they believe that our marriage, you just hate the person you love. Because we will not we will never suffer any problem because I cannot imagine my spouse will hate me doing anything for them again. So that's why we take it for granted. And Mr. Barbieri would love by misbehaving, you start misbehaving next time

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That response because he or she loved it, that's us, you know, are they gonna have to accept, I have to do that? What I realize that Yeah, but still, they have responsibility towards one another, when it comes to love. It's a different way we will explain that the next point with the last soldier.

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There's a misconception, very misconception amongst women is that marriage was made for the benefit of men only,

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which means men take all the prevalence, and women are just there to be supporters and just feel misled in the house. Well as if you believe that you manage it that way, then 80% of your expectation will take place in the relationship. If you come with this perception, you can achieve that 80% in your marriage. For the guy, the same thing I've seen among the young guys, a wonderful, wonderful mother,

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a wonderful mother on the line. So whatever, when they get married, they get the tentative to copy the model of their mom and their life, meaning they always see their mom and their wife. I wonder why they don't fit that model that is both for themselves. They get edited with it. Why don't you do that? My mom used to do this.

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Why don't you? Why don't you dress like that. So they always tried to copy, you know, their mom's mouth. And that becomes a big issue between a husband and wife. And same thing with the ladies, when they come at us perception about marriage, that is all for men, and they give up.

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They don't they don't do their part because for them, it's just given wrong. And there is nothing you can do to change it. They don't realize that there's so much they can do to improve the relationship.

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One thing also, I noticed about this, when it comes to marriage that really many people have taken benefits many more than women. And it's a cultural thing, in some cultures that when when a woman she moves from the house of her family, and she moved into the house of her husband, that means she divorces all her past

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or

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his wife.

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Don't talk to the sister I don't like

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I don't want to see your hands coming into the house, I don't want you to do this. I don't want you to do that.

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To be absolutely obedient in this regard. He wants her to start loving his sisters as much as he loves her sisters. That's not fair.

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That is not fair. I mean, there's a difference between respecting your sisters versus loving them, even just like she loves herself isn't going to happen, just like you asked her to love her father, as much as love yours, which becomes sometimes limited. Those, although again, it lashes personalities, and sometimes, you know, priority in the relationship and so forth. So that's why I'm saying men and women, you need to change your perception of that. It's not just for benefit of men, as for benefit of all, when I lost our daughter's clothes about marriage, it didn't say

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it didn't say

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peace and tranquility, he says between your hearts for both men and women. And he says my work documents between both men and women, you cannot just attribute this to yourself and just to deprive your partner from the private industry, you have to be fair, and follow the rules that are set for both men and women in relationship.

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Now, the reality of marriage, there are five stages you guys have to go through.

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I'm not saying all these things are pleasant stages, but is the reality.

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So the reality basically of marriage is that the first phase I laid it in five phases. The first phase is the in love phase. The third phase, the last phase is all about emotional high.

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It's all about emotion. There is no moment

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for this guy who comes in this beautiful life lenses a person over sells. And then he comes to your house and he will say we will you marry me. And the more you watch TV, the more he fantasize about all these unrealistic things to happen to us. But eventually it does happen.

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The entire world suddenly starts revolving around this guy. It's everything about this guy. Same thing with the boy, the moment he now has Howard locks

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You know what this girl caught us everything started falling over her. Even when we bought his friend is calling him. He just goes in and just turn it off right away. It puts it on fire.

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So that no one would call because I'm busy, busy Mashallah, whatever those

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guys on board, let's go through something, what happened to these days? What happened to the time you wasted all these hours on Facebook just to have some sense of belonging to some sort of virtual community?

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Now everything revolves around the love. So everything they will do will focus on them. Just like again, bring us

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bring us Why do you think we know women around the camera seven times? Why do you think

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we have to face one direction, what is that it is symbolic to reflect our needs to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala make a descendent of our life. That's the meaning of this. When you made your arm around the Kaaba, you made it in the center of that circle. And the center, the center of that circle to you would always tell you as we all know, it's closer towards the center, whenever you go around center in

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the center, that's natural physics. Same thing when it comes to the data when you're

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pulling you towards that constant and the symbol

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to the fetus to worship Allah subhanho wa Taala has a relationship with a lot. When it comes to the Lotus the same thing with now you will know by now become the center of your life at the center of your relationship, you're gonna put all your efforts towards them. So everything around you comes around. And that's when you start seeing the perfect and natural people that tell you they're wrong. And you're not Truvada says you can't even see that emotion and that emotional tie due to the emotional highs and lows, people they present the best, you will have the best face and you are so good and so nice and so sweet. Your words are awesome. Even your grammar is perfect. Whatever

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people they won't, they will look at you because

00:32:10--> 00:32:30

even the statements that were the choice of words might be so blunt, but at the moment, it just oh my god is so romantic. You don't see beyond love right now. That's what we call an intellectual. It extends months, sometimes years. You know, marriage therapist, they say that average, the average time you know start or stop.

00:32:32--> 00:33:03

period is two years. That's the average, you can extend that extended you can show to them and determine how you behaved in the relationship. That's the first thing you do understand that, you know, everybody has been the best I bought kills, dinners, nice time spending attention to each other. Love carbs, Love knows just just text messaging, whatever. You basically do everything just to show them. So that's the first phase, the second phase, the honeymoon, the honeymoon phase.

00:33:04--> 00:33:36

The honeymoon phase is when you have your makeup done. When you're done. Now you are allowed to become more intimate. Even if you don't have a manager which means you still can come together. No makeup you can pick up on what to say. He says basically living the future that you plan and you put it together. And then when you consummate the marriage, you're living through this heavenly bliss is the honeymoon, the honeymoon the most important. The unique characteristic about the honeymoon phase

00:33:37--> 00:33:48

is the exploration phase. I call that separation and excitement. Because the honeymoon becoming very observant of what they do what they see what they say.

00:33:51--> 00:34:05

Even the way they the way they sneeze, it sounds beautiful in the way they brush their teeth. It's awesome. The way they call themselves inferior they throw themselves on the cover. This is so cute. So beautiful. Everything This

00:34:07--> 00:34:21

is how I just said the most ridiculous things will be just love reflection of love. It's beautiful. It's nice. But then with that new basic course and installation phase, you will realize that not everything is as perfect as you thought.

00:34:22--> 00:34:26

You know, that's when the first day you wake up at night. I said What was that?

00:34:28--> 00:34:32

Like a motorbike outside? Oh, you realize that that's fine, let's do

00:34:34--> 00:34:35

this. I didn't know.

00:34:36--> 00:34:39

There was a general contractor. And he started looking for

00:34:42--> 00:34:43

return policies.

00:34:46--> 00:34:53

But that's now when you come to the end tests. This is when the guy he wakes up he looks the first time he says

00:35:00--> 00:35:08

That's what it is, this is the interface I'm going to be seeing for the rest of my life. So what's gonna come next. And of course,

00:35:10--> 00:35:30

you know, the streetcar is gonna start becoming more serious, because now you're thinking you're taking each other for granted. The lady who was very loving, not becoming so the man. And the guy was so loving, it becomes so also, you know, kind of trying to become the man of the house. So authoritative, he wants to prove himself. And she would tell him,

00:35:32--> 00:35:35

take it easy, what's going on? And he wants to prove himself. And

00:35:36--> 00:35:52

so now when you start exploring these things, we come to the third phase. The third phase is what I call the this appointment phase, where it's at this appointment place. What does that mean? Does that mean that was gonna kill marriage, it doesn't mean

00:35:54--> 00:35:56

that it's going away we go. What does

00:35:58--> 00:36:10

every man woman when they come to manage, they come with what was on expectations, high expectation for what high expectations for themselves, highest efficient for the spouse.

00:36:14--> 00:36:19

So your expectation, when you see the reality, you feel really disappointed.

00:36:21--> 00:36:22

You know,

00:36:24--> 00:36:26

I marry someone else, what anybody's worth.

00:36:29--> 00:36:31

That's when you start seeing the guy struggling with

00:36:32--> 00:36:33

as much as you

00:36:36--> 00:36:37

as much as you

00:36:41--> 00:37:16

can, and all that stuff on Sunday, that's when this is a reality. It's a disappointment face. You know, disappointment phases, inescapable phase of the management. But what if you do is moving on to the next phase, the fourth phase, which will I call adjustments or compromise, when it comes to this appointment phase, people, they take one of two routes, one of them's number one, they become so stubborn, so stubborn. And they want to force them rules on their partner, that the extent that they're wanting to break, it can make it and

00:37:17--> 00:37:36

they just stay together for about four or five months on in the marriage. And then because of some ego ish on both ends, for men and women, then this is and they were wanting to live away from each other for a few months for more than a year or so. And finally, they would like to divorce why, because

00:37:38--> 00:37:39

when you live in, you didn't try it.

00:37:41--> 00:37:42

For months, hello.

00:37:44--> 00:38:20

For years, you haven't seen anything yet, you're gonna have to adapt, you're gonna have to adapt and move on to the next phase adjustment, the meaning of adjustment phase, I'm not asking you to lower your standard, what I'm asking you is really to adjust your standard, meaning raise the standard expectation of your spouse low or higher, and then your higher depends on the situation that you're then you have to work on adjusting to the new reality of marriage, the faster you go through the adjustment phase, the easier for you is going to be

00:38:21--> 00:38:24

the following the fifth phase, which I call our pilot

00:38:26--> 00:38:42

phase, which is the spot navigation, smart navigation techniques because marriage is really like a journey, you're in a boat or airline and you'll find the air just sitting on the Indian Ocean, you're gonna have to come to the top

00:38:44--> 00:38:45

it's gonna be windy

00:38:46--> 00:38:50

and it has to be a smart navigator in the relationship

00:38:52--> 00:38:59

The only link to the destination the moment they see difficulty when they want to go through it quickly before

00:39:01--> 00:39:07

they were twice as fast as possible before the problem catches up with them. They don't realize

00:39:09--> 00:39:17

it's something that's really solid that's going to break them not just slowing down. So that's why a smart navigator when you see a problem you know

00:39:18--> 00:39:19

Never mind

00:39:21--> 00:39:43

it's okay I'm gonna have to pay the price for this that is fine, but it's gonna be back the exact same problem later on. That's basically the autopilot will just keep it running smoothly and adjust itself to the differences that will happen in the relationship that doesn't mean you can have all those rosy and flower days no you're gonna have some bits of data for those

00:39:44--> 00:39:46

three days and we'll see afterwards inshallah.

00:39:48--> 00:39:59

Next, what men and women they need the most in relationships, what men and women they need and relationships if you ask any man woman what they need the most and relationship character

00:40:02--> 00:40:03

Ladies, what do you want the most?

00:40:05--> 00:40:08

If you just wanna if you want us to summarize this in one word,

00:40:15--> 00:40:15

what is

00:40:19--> 00:40:22

love? caring, my daughter says love,

00:40:23--> 00:40:41

basically love. Most men, if you ask them they love. However, that's the theory. But reality, they give you examples to what love is for them. And if I asked the guy, what do you guys want the most from your wife? What does he

00:40:42--> 00:40:46

respect, respect him. And if they don't, they know what they will do.

00:40:47--> 00:40:48

Because only one day

00:40:50--> 00:40:57

where they will learn a lot of things, right? So men, they want respect. They want, they want respect. However,

00:41:00--> 00:41:10

however, if you ask them what exactly it means to them, because for women, when you tell them, I need respect from you, they have to understand this. But for men, it's completely different.

00:41:16--> 00:41:21

But I want you to see what I want you to know that when it comes to love, to have a husband for the ladies,

00:41:23--> 00:41:29

it is to show him the respect in ways that are meaningful to him, and

00:41:31--> 00:42:10

meaningful to him not to I'm going to show women what they asked for, which is love. You know, in order to show them love, you have to show them love in ways that are meaningful to them, not to you. Based on this, if you ask men, how they stick another word for love, and it should At first, I actually demand that I posted some of it on Facebook already. I last weekend, I had a class. And I asked the group of the students, they were close to 180 students. And I asked them in small groups to give me exactly what are they loving actions? What

00:42:11--> 00:42:13

actions are loving action.

00:42:14--> 00:42:16

It's amazing how many women

00:42:17--> 00:42:18

Believe it or not

00:42:19--> 00:42:28

loving action that many men and women are looking for the loving action, which is interpretation to respect.

00:42:30--> 00:42:31

The

00:42:33--> 00:42:36

loving action, perspective and what

00:42:39--> 00:42:43

they said the number one that came up was cooking good food and

00:42:47--> 00:42:48

good food and

00:42:50--> 00:42:52

cooking good food and

00:42:54--> 00:43:00

loving actions and demands from their wives. And when you ask what exactly you're looking for from your wife.

00:43:01--> 00:43:10

So how does the respect and the cooking and cleaning the house together? The ladies, it doesn't make any sense to them? How could you do this work for me.

00:43:13--> 00:43:14

When I come on the house clean

00:43:16--> 00:43:29

the house is clean and ready. It's a super strength to them. Again, if you want to show respect to them on their terms, not yours. You need to understand that. Now when it comes to the ladies. The third thing

00:43:30--> 00:43:39

is can you guys guess what, to me. I have many, many different interpretations from the ladies because they never Express

00:43:43--> 00:43:46

thoughtful gifts. This is not for me.

00:43:48--> 00:44:01

It's not about the gift. It's about the word thoughtful, thoughtful itself, which means to be spontaneous, to be kind to be nice to be gentle to be hearing all the time just

00:44:03--> 00:44:05

envelopes and thoughtful. And

00:44:09--> 00:44:12

that's why they don't care about the journey as much as

00:44:14--> 00:44:20

for a man has done a price tag on for a woman. It's the sentiment that came with it.

00:44:21--> 00:44:32

The sentiment that came with it when you were walking into any grocery store, and you saw this this chocolate, even if it was on sale, if it was 257

00:44:33--> 00:44:34

and, you know,

00:44:36--> 00:44:37

this is for a

00:44:39--> 00:44:54

while but this to me. It's not like she's testing you. She just wants to see what is the meaning behind it. What what from what provoked you to do that. You will know how well I was thinking about you. And I know that you love this child and so I bought

00:44:55--> 00:44:59

these words $1 million right

00:45:06--> 00:45:14

But let's begin with the sentiment thoughts. We'll get something that shows that you really care doing that. That is love and then

00:45:16--> 00:45:24

that's how they understand love. You need to show that love on their terms, not your turn. For a girl he wants to show love.

00:45:26--> 00:45:29

He doesn't stop right. I'm gonna teach you barbecue today.

00:45:33--> 00:45:51

But I want something else I want five minutes of indivisible attention. Can you give that to me? while I'm talking to you? Because this is how I interpret the San Diego system. When the wife wants to show up to her husband, she does something she does nothing right. And for a man

00:45:52--> 00:45:53

because

00:45:54--> 00:46:07

you don't expect me to do these things. Eventually, please, please please, when you talk about love and respect, you have to interpret that understand that according to their terms, not your turn. When we come back.

00:46:09--> 00:46:17

We are going to continue with the vicious cycle of causes conflict in the house and how the officer

00:46:18--> 00:46:21

dealt with these problems. He has some issues as well.

00:46:23--> 00:46:23

How he

00:46:28--> 00:46:29

will come back