Battling Pornography

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Wael Ibrahim

Channel: Wael Ibrahim

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Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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If

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you see no

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videos below the moment you should be in Philadelphia.

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Do not mind that reaction.

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First and foremost, we begin by thanking him for his help and his protection, his forgiveness. We seek refuge from the evil of our own souls and from the consequences of our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allah guides nor to miss guide, and whosoever leaves this tree, no one can guide either witness that there is no god worthy of worship except for a loss behind what Allah and Prophet Muhammad peace and blessings be upon him. sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was his summit and final message of prohibition is Melody. unrewarding,

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corny. Will Allah expand my chest is my task and time in my town so that cello you can understand what I'm going to say today? So I'm going to talk about the laws of our character qualicum song. Oh, are you?

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What's the traffic just

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goes bad.

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Thank you, and Welcome. Welcome. Thank you for being here with us today. So the title for today's talk is

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happy. So before we start, let's just go back to a few months back when Malaysia was shocked by the news of one of the Bri, my responses student in London was caught in London for possessing more than 50,000 images of images and videos of child pornography. You guys remember that news? It was really scary. And what's scary is that it's actually the normal now and there are so many untold and unreported cases of similar

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similar cases. So today, we are very lucky to

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we'll share with us about

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it and without further ado,

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Rahim hamdulillah salat wa salam. O Allah says Allah will you know that Corinne, Allah Allah He was in Parliament of Jambi sending Allah with Dean what are the la ma ma ma in along I mean, obviously somebody who is silly Md waterlogue. The Tamil is any of bajo holy, so the Hannukah La La Mulana Illa Allah antenna in the counter Arima, Hakeem Maji respected brothers and sisters in Islam, very glad to be with you and inshallah, we have a problem. We have a problem, speaking about this topic in two hours, wouldn't ever do justice. What I'm going to do is sharing with you part of a whole, complete one day of part one

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workshop, so you can imagine the difficulties that I'm facing today, to give you whatever I can show off so that you can understand this subject properly. And you can be able from now on shala to equip yourself with the necessary knowledge, the necessary tools so that you can help those whom maybe have been afflicted with this problem, pornography addiction. First of all, we are not talking about those people who are actually having fun watching it. There's the difference between there is a difference between someone who's enjoying it, and someone who's actually watching it, but he don't want to watch it and so on. I mean, there are some people who are enjoying it, they just go from

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time to time having fun and watch porn and watch images here and there. But there are some other people who do not want to watch at all. They are actually deep inside they are very hurt. Because especially we are Muslims. So sometimes it's like you know, a snatch of identity, like within myself or that person

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too to two persons one is Can Can we, this one is bothering my eyes. This is a flash coming in my eye.

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So within oneself those who are addicted one person is telling you don't watch it's haram Don't you know what Allah subhanaw taala said, and the other person is saying what? Watch anyway.

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It's just natural identity.

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I wanted to remind you that

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Just because you have attended this workshop doesn't mean that you have anything to do with pornography, we want to just make clear, because there are many people who are afraid to attend such gathering. Because the you know, the people will be thinking, Oh, you attended a workshop on pornography or a lecture on pornography, that means are you are having no, we don't want to have these kind of assumptions. Maybe you have actually some friends who have revealed to you the secret, maybe your spouse's, maybe your children, maybe you're preparing yourself how to protect your family in the future. So we don't want to have any assumption. But we don't want to fool ourselves as well.

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And we cannot fool ourselves and say that, Mashallah, all of us are good. Yeah. This is this has been a big problem in our society, and we have to face it. I have been speaking about this briefly in, in different countries, and mostly Muslim countries, like in in Malaysia have delivered one part one workshop in UTP. In I don't remember where it was

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thrown or petrona. Between us yeah.

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And it has been handled a very successful I delivered part of this workshop in in Pakistan, and it was amazing. But every time I speak about it, some people will come and whisper in my ears and tell me what, brother we are so conservative, don't talk about it. And I don't understand the logic because if we have a problem, and we don't speak about it, then how are we expecting to solve it? Right?

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So we need to speak about it inshallah. Okay, let me briefly inshallah, because we have two hours only the ground rules, please silence your phones, very important. Number two, ask any question

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while I'm talking and there will be no specific time for q&a. So whenever you need to ask a question, please have your hand, interrupt me and raise your hand. So I will be going inshallah, through the topic, one by one, but if you need to ask in the middle, you can raise your hand in sha Allah make notes, make a lot of notes. Alright, so what is the outline? Let me explain to you the outline. And hopefully we can cover all these points. So number one, I will start with some introduction, shocking statistics so that you can also understand the danger of pornography. I will also speak about why pornography is addictive. There are some people who are arguing is it really

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addictive? Can we really label pornography as one of those substances that really can cause addiction? And do we know what it means to be an addicted to something we will discuss about this?

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I will relate to you two cases that I have myself coached, and hamdulillah. They were very successful, but at the same time, with negative consequences with negative results. So we will talk about these study cases as well. We will talk about how to identify an addict how to identify pornography addict. Now this is one of the most difficult, most challenging part because you may identify someone who's addicted to heroin or cocaine is very easy. Right? Because it will affect on his health, he will start losing weight, his eyes will turn into black, he will start stealing he may kill for drugs, right? How can you identify pornography addict? And how can you walk down the

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streets and see someone walk and say, Oh, you know, he can't, it's very difficult, but there are some indications, we're going to speak about it as well. The science behind addiction, how addiction really works, how it works,

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and message to caretakers to educators to religious leaders to parents.

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And we will talk about the painful cycle that any pornography addict go through, there is a cycle you know, you know the, in the lab, we bring the rat Yeah, if they want to make any

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discovery or something, they will put the rat in a maze right and at the end of the maze, there is a cheese reward. So the rat will go through the maze until we reach the cheese and then he will eat then automatically will go back and after a while. He will go through the cycle again to find the reward to find the cheese and so on and so forth. This is the Power of Habit we'll talk about the habit later but there is a difference between habit and addiction. And then shall we talk about few tips on how to cure pornography addict and will provide some resources may Allah Subhana Allah and he helped me to go through all these points. If I skip part of the presentations, please forgive me,

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but inshallah I promise that if anyone emailed me you can get the whole PDF file as you please. Pure minds that will be the title of our coming website pertaining to this subject. So I want you to hashtag inshallah during if you have if you have

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connections if you want to hash tag your friend hash tag, use this hash tag, tag your friends, some quotes some information that you will learn today insha Allah, and this is also going to be my

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title for my workbook. So I'm working now in a workbook to help those people who are shy to speak about the addiction. You know this one of the most painful secret that anyone can keep. No one would go to his mother and say, Hey, Mom, by the way, I'm addicted to porn.

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It's very difficult, it's very difficult. You may go to someone and tell them I'm addicted to drugs, but to porn, it's very shameful.

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So this workbook will serve as his you know, buddy, his friend. It includes a lot of exercises that they have collected in the past to inshallah, use that hashtag. And once the book is out, inshallah, we will inform you, all right, the Battle of pornography, pornography is one of the most difficult battles, but there is no hope. There is no hope my brothers and sisters, in the revival of this oma and the revival of the Muslims, without winning this better, there is no way to give up. If you gave, if you gave up I want you to remember that the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam said

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that a person will be resurrected on the Day of Judgment, doing the same thing

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at the last moment of his life, so whatever you have done, at your very last moment of your life, that's the scene that you will be resurrected with on the Day of Judgment. Imagine you died while watching pornography.

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Imagine you're holding the remote and you are switching into porn and the Angel of Death game. Boom, you die. How will you meet Allah subhanaw taala on live judgment, you will meet him watching porn Allah, Allah.

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So this code, I'm putting it for people to motivate it slot. You know, winning isn't everything. It is the only thing. So when it comes to battling pornography, we have no way but winning insha Allah. All right.

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This is one of the things that Muslims say or religious people say it's better than Xena, right?

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It's better than Xena.

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And some people who will say that how could How could Muslims or Christians or religious people watch porn? They are really motivated by God. They are motivated by their religious scriptures. So how could they actually access pornography? I would argue and say that actually most people are watching porn today or religious groups, most of them Why? Because they are always having this concept of the lesser of two evils. It's better than the actual Zener they fail to realize that the out that the end result of watching porn is Xena.

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This is what the people fail to realize that you will reach the point those who are addicted to porn, those who are watching year after year, month after month, they will reach to the point that they are fed up with what they are watching and they want to escalate. They want to escalate and go higher and higher. And the end result would be what the actual is in our eye of the beholder. So be careful. Now let's read the statistics. I'm not gonna comment on each statistic, but I want you to understand what is happening. child pornography has become a 3 billion annual industry $3 billion my brothers and sisters in Islam child pornography.

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More than 20,000 images of child pornography are posted on the internet every single week.

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These children could be our brothers and sisters by the way. And these children who knows one day they will be victims to pornography. An estimated 325,000 us children age 17 or younger are prostitute Excuse me.

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performance in pornographic videos how many 325,000 that's in the US alone. I haven't done yet statistics for Malaysians. 30% of teenage girls have been sexually harassed in a chat room only 7% however, told their mothers or fathers about the harassment and this was what I have been mentioning earlier that it is too painful for anyone to reveal. A secret like that very very painful so they will keep it secret 65% of high school students at MIT

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unsafe inappropriate or illegal activities online.

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70% of porn sites visitors indicated that they keep their online

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Use a secret. Imagine my brothers or sisters, if we have a play in Malaysia or up in the MLS save us or May Allah save this country. But imagine if there is a plague or if there is a disease that spread around, and 70% of the people were infected yet they haven't told anyone what will happen.

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What would be the end result? A disaster, right, they will either die at the end, or they will infect more people. And this is the case with pornography 70% of the people of the users of pornography, they do not reveal their secrets to anyone.

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More than 80% of women who suffer with this addiction take it offline. Now this is very scary because when I was studying about pornography addiction, I didn't even thought for a minute that girls would be involved in watching porn. They say what porn is a guy thing?

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But it turns out that even the sisters

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sisters are even involved in this and there are chances for them to take the activities offline. Alejandra Bella Mia las pantallas save our sisters. The top 20 adults websites have over 4 million individual users each month. How many?

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How many brothers 4 million individual users each month

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in La Jolla Hello Joan 60% of parents of teenagers are unaware that their children have accessed objectable

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objectionable websites. Now, these are the statistics the scary statistics that I want you to I want you to realize now who you are versus where you are, is the point that I mentioned earlier that Allah Spanish Allah created us with that innate inclination towards goodness.

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This is how a las panatela intended for all humankind to do what is right to do what is good, that is what we call an Arabic fitrah. Right? So there is a difference between who you are and where you are. who you are. You are a Muslim. You are a person who knows that what you've been doing or what other people were doing is haram You know, that's your fitrah that's the shame the guilt that people feel when they watch these things. That's who you are. But where you are is a different thing. You know, they call it chisel frania is like having double double personalities. Right?

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So those who are addicted, your addiction is not you

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your addiction my brothers and sisters is not you you are addicted with a very very powerful brain disease. I will repeat that I will repeat that again. You are addicted I'm not talking to you by the way when I use you. I don't mean you because the people are feeling like I'm talking to them personally. I'm talking to anyone All right, even to myself when you're addicted or edible me Allah subhanaw taala save us all. I mean from this evil

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when you're addicted, that's not who you are. Your addiction isn't you you are you have been suffering from a brain disease as we will talk about the science behind it. inshallah, what is the definition of pornography? Anyone can tell me? What does it mean?

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Anyone? No one does research. Okay. Pornography means female captive prostitute. That's the definition of the word. por por ne and porneia means fornication hold'em sexual immorality, just by by by describing the definition. It has nothing to do with Muslims, right.

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And we know that fornication is haram we know prostitution is haram. But imagine with me, if a man came to me and told me brother, I'm addicted to porn. And then I told him, brother, it's how long

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will that help the brother in any way? Okay, if I told him it's haram three times, haram haram Haram. Whoa, what will happen?

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Will he become better? Okay, if I took a gun called the handgun, and I start shooting him.

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What will happen? Nothing, nothing will happen. So repeating the words around for people who are addicted to porn wouldn't ever help them. The Prophet Muhammad SAW Salah one day a man came to him one of the companions and he told him allow me to commit adultery.

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Right? You remember this Hadith, that Imagine if someone went to the shape or the Imam in the masjid in Malaysia, and he went to the chef chef, excuse me? Can I please can you have adultery today? Please, can you give me just a permission? Can you tell me I'm okay, I'm allowed to commit adultery. What will happen to him here in Malaysia? I asked this question in Pakistan and the answers are amazing.

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Brothers as they're watching online from Pakistan, they will recognize what I said. What will happen to that person here in Malaysia? Hmm, anyone can give me a guess. If a person who enters the masjid went to the Imam, I want to commit adultery, what will happen?

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He will be

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what was given to the authority? They will hand it over to the authority Allahu Akbar. This new answer was or anyone, anyone wants to give more answers. Ah, okay, that's enough authority. You see this happened during the time of the Prophet Muhammad SAW Selim and the man told them allow me to commit adultery. Did the porcelain told him haram?

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Did was the the word ever mentioned during this narration nothing. He told him Otto de julio me. Do you accept this to happen to your mother? Say No. To your sister? No. To your daughter? No to your aunt? No. He reasoned with him, you say so other people too, don't like this to happen to their mothers to the sisters to the daughters and to the aunts. But the Prophet Muhammad SAW someone did something extra he placed his hand over the man's chest and he said, Oh Allah, pull out from the heart of this man the love of woman meaning the love of haraam, woman its power. So those people who inshallah are interested to learn how to deal with pornography addicts and how to cure them. If you

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contacted me inshallah interested to learn the art of dealing with those people. You have to understand that the word haram should not occur in your dictionary, this number one, very, very important, because they know it's wrong. They know it's Haram. What do they need is someone to facilitate for them the way of Hillel instead of telling them haram haram Haram.

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All right, why pornography is addictive. And this I will teach you inshallah, briefly four points. I call it the four A's of the internet. Why in internet in general, in general, is addicted, addictive? Because pornography is not the only thing on the internet that's actually addictive. We have Facebook, we have Twitter, we have YouTube, we have gaming's all these elements are addictive, if we do not use them in the proper way. So number one, sorry.

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Number one is accessibility.

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I remember when I was in the dark days,

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we used to have VHS of the stuff of pornography, VHS, and we used to exchange the stuff in the school and so on so forth. Now in order for you to watch a movie on VHS, VHS in your home, that's a drama.

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Right to take such a tape into your house, that again, that would be it would cost us time to plan how are we going to enter we will hide it in the house, when we will watch it. So it will take us time. So I will put it under my pants and I will be entering you know the house on a comb and all that I will go to the bathroom find a place to hide it. You see it's difficult. And when I get the chance to play the movie, I will be playing it when I end on TV and why I on the door. Right? So it was not really enjoyable. Yeah. And that's why back then it was not that addictive, because it was not as accessible as today. Today, your child your brother, your husband, your wife may just hold

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her cell phone on the bed watching inappropriate images, inappropriate movies. While you have no idea no clue what she's doing accessibility makes pornography and makes the internet as in general, addictive. Number two affordability is absolutely free. Now, we cannot even say how much does it cost.

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You can get high definition video as well as a villa for no cost whatsoever. So the affordability earlier, we used to buy the tapes, we used to buy the magazines we used to rent them. So it involves money. So those who doesn't have money, they have no access. Now, it's absolutely free. Anonymous.

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It's done and nobody knows that you're doing it. And

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you know, you have that free time you're staying hours after hours. So it's anonymous, that makes it

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addictive. And number four is aggressive. pornography is not not does not rely on the action scene that you see on these movies are eligible and they don't rely on this anymore. They don't want to bring two people, two couples to have intimacy together. That's not what makes the industry successful. What they rely on in most cases is

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intensity. They wanted to do something abnormal. They wanted to excite the people so that they can come again and again again and again. And that's the danger because it doesn't happen in real life. What we see in these scenes will either be loud

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Never happened in real life. It's scripted, they will stop several times to change many many angles of the camera so that you back home sitting behind the screen. Enjoy. That's what the job and that's the danger of watching imaginary stories, even imaginary movies imaginary TV series. Let us show by a show of hands without bringing the camera on the audience brother. How many of us here watching TV series? Be honest, don't lie you lie aware.

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Okay, movies, General movies, okay, Mashallah.

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You see this the problems, all these movies are based on imaginary, the imaginary based on the imagination of the author. And what will happen these movies when the more you watch, the more you live in a in a different world that doesn't exist. It isolates you from reality, and it makes you dive into imaginary world that you want it actually to live. You want it to practice what is on TV, you wanted the boy to marry that girl even though the parents are

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you know, against the marriage. And that's why the in the in the olden movies, I remember.

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We used to watch and we would be sitting watching the girl wanted to run away from her home from her parents home and her boyfriend is waiting for her outside. And all the family members are sitting Muslims like you like me, they are must they are sitting watching the girl and making the art for her. Or Allah please let her take the key and run away with her boyfriend Dr. La please don't let the father weaker. That what that what the movies are making us to believe they twist our, our our beliefs, our values do introduce to us different values. So be careful. I'll tell you a story but don't tell anyone. I was I was I was a big fan of watching Indian movies in the past. I was crazy

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about them. And one of those movies was called murdered ma rd that was the name of the boy in the movie. So the movie started by showing the father of Amitabh Bachchan, that was the actor Amitabh Bachchan, but he was an infant. So the father is holding the infant. And the British soldiers are coming to attack this village. So in order for the father to protect his son, he wanted to make a sign or something so that after fighting you find the boy so he could have done many, many things. Yeah, he had so many options. He could have put a ribbon around the fathers, the sons wrist or neck right? Easy. Or a pen, a marker, my son, whatever he could have done anything easy that comes to

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mind. No, no, no, no, no, in the movie makes you think big. So he took a knife.

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He took a knife from his side, and he starts writing on the baby's chest mirth.

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And the blood starts coming out is an infant Who would ever do that in the world. Indian movies makes you believe that in the movies actually makes you believe that if you jump off a mountain, it's okay. It's alright. Because there is a horse waiting for you down there no problem. So

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So after he wrote on his chest with the knife and the blood came out, he threw the ball in the river and the river washed him away. And far, far away in the river there is a blind lady waiting there washing her garments and miraculously, the boy touch her hand she took him out to bring him up. And he became Amitabh Bachchan, but guess what? The writing still there after 30 years, but it becomes metal now. If you see it, it's metal, not blood anymore. In the movies makes, you know, enrich your imagination. Now the problem is one night I woke up and I went to the bathroom, I was young. And I started searching in my father's stuff. And I took his razor used to shave and I took out the blade

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that little blade in the razor and I start writing on my chest Mark

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Yeah, I did it. That's why I told you don't tell anyone especially move to me.

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But this is what these movies does it it creates a different imaginary worlds and pornography is no difference, it makes a husband less interested or lose interest completely in his lawful life. Because what he sees on camera is different, because what he failed to realize is that these actors and actresses are perfectly selected with different with actual criteria with very, very, you know, specific criteria. Now, you may be your wife is not that slim, maybe your husband is not that strong. So when you see this, you start comparing between the haraam pornography and the Hello the lawful wife, the lawful husband, and as a result the entire relationship would be destroyed May

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Allah Subhana Allah

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Save us all. I mean,

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okay, so here are two cases. The first case is Jay, of course, these are not the renames. And Mark. Okay, Jason at 18 years old boy who came to me once and he said that he wanted to commit suicide. Why? Because he's been watching porn for seven years, seven complete years. He's an 18 year years old, and he's been watching porn for seven years. And in the past three years, he's been watching porn every single day for five hours. Now, that's a very deep level of addiction. We worked with him for about 18 months or 17 months. And we tried all the the tips of cure or recovery plans that we have learned that I have learned, I tried everything with him and I failed miserably. And he could

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not cope with the challenges of these curing. You know, I call it the curing kids, with the exception of one

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tip, which we told him, are you ready to give up your internet? He said, Yes. Your cell phone? Yes. Your Facebook? Yes. So he handed over to me his cell phone until now it's in my office. And within six months he wasn't handler fully recovered. But the negative result was he suffered his suffering today until today from erectile dysfunction.

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Yeah, because of you know, as you know, when when when people watch these things, they started to pleasure themselves, they wanted to pleasure themselves. So in doing so they hurt themselves, without even realizing. So he had reached the point five hours daily for three years. So he damages

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his private part. May Allah subhanaw taala. Save him. Mark is another person who has been hooked on pornography for 43 years. How, how in the world when he came to me and he told me I'm addicted for 43 years. I didn't believe him because I know that 3043 years, pornography was not as intensive as today it was not that accessible. Also, he said, No, I am a photographer. I used to take pictures and one of his friends introduced him to the evil ideal as a biller of taking pictures from far distance to people who are changing the clothes in the neighborhood. And he started taking these pictures. They printed the printing it out and enjoying himself when he got married.

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When he got married, and the internet came in the 90s, his addiction became even severe. Now, this is the point that I wanted to mention that marriage does not solve the problem of addiction.

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And this is one of the misconceptions. People think that okay, it's okay, I'm still young. Once I get married, I will stop for sure. Because I have a husband now can do this in real life. This is a big misconception.

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You are addicted, you're you are not doing it out of enjoyment. You are addicted to it, it will pull you back anyway, you will enjoy your wife or your husband for a couple of months. And then the brain will ask you to go back to this pornography. So marriage is not the solution. It's it can solve part of it. But it's not the whole solution for pornography addicts. So this guy.

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He came to me and he said that once he was watching porn Aleta Bella, and his daughter entered,

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and she caught him in the action. And he froze. And she froze. She started crying. And she told him, don't you love mom, the mom enters, she saw what he was doing. And she took her daughter and she left. And until now the having, you know, got in contact anymore. They're separated for three or four years now. Yes.

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Okay, I'm coming to this but good that you have asked now because if we don't have enough time to cover it, then I have covered now. Okay. So this is to say you said that marriage doesn't solve the solution. So what are you addicted to actually the pleasure you are you are addicted because there is some hormones in the brain called one of them called dopamine. Dopamine is actually responsible for your pleasure is responsible for your happiness. It is the chemical reactions that take place whenever you want to have something that you like, for example, if you like, type, certain type of food or sugar. There is a pathway that is created in your brain for sugar. If you like music, and

00:34:27--> 00:34:59

you keep on listening to music, there is a pathway that is created in your brain for music. And if you are hooked on porn, there is a pathway in your brain created for porn. Every time you wanted to watch porn, that hormone would be produced, actually the Allah Subhana Allah had made this hormones for our pleasure with our local wives with our local husband. So when when we are having this real intimacy relationship Allah subhanaw taala produces these hormones in a very well calculated quantity.

00:35:00--> 00:35:12

But once you are having no partner, and you're trying to pleasure yourself alone, the brain gets confused. So what happened? This dopamine is produced in a very large, massive quantity.

00:35:14--> 00:35:46

Once you get the pleasure, after a few days you wanted the pleasure again, the dopamine would be produced in a larger quantity in a larger quantity, so you don't have enough of pleasure anymore. That's why I said even if you get married, you will never be pleased with your wife. You will never be pleased with your husband so long as you are hooked on porn. That's the addiction system. So that's why the the those who are addicted that I talk to they will prefer to watch porn over having the actual intimacy with their wives May Allah subhanaw taala savers.

00:35:48--> 00:36:11

So here are two cases. Both of them have quit pornography, both of them handler, but both of them have suffered a very severe consequences one have suffered his manhood. He might not marry anymore because of this erectile dysfunction. The second is he lost his family, and he's begging them to go back and the wife feels that she was betrayed, she was cheated

00:36:12--> 00:36:14

for all these years

00:36:15--> 00:36:47

Okay, how to identify porn addicts. Supposedly you have a brother, you have a sister, you have a husband, you have a wife, you have parents you have friends who you whom you live with, how can we identify Here are a few indications these are not like necessarily established fact that if someone is doing what I'm doing now that means he's addicted Okay, these are just indications probabilities because as I said, it's one of the most difficult thing to identify is pornography addict. It's not easy.

00:36:48--> 00:37:34

Because there is no symptoms right? Like like hard, hard drugs. addicts there is no symptoms. So number one is isolation. If your brother sister or whatever wanted to stay alone all the time locking the door staying there for hours. You call them for food, you call them for dinner, they say later. Yeah, this is an indication that a person might be hooked on porn. Number two, sleeplessness someone who is supposed to sleep early to wake up for fudger or to sleep to wake up for school but he will wake up exhausted because it's been you know spending hours for you know all night watching porn so he don't have enough sleep. This is again another indication number three net all night. You

00:37:34--> 00:38:04

can see that he's watching but the computer is facing him. And this we will talk about these tips how to protect our children, our our loved ones from getting hooked on porn by taking the computers outside of the bedroom the bedroom I remember my father when I was talking to my brother in bedroom just talking to him. You know before bedtime or you know during while we are preparing to sleep, my father will shout and say what bed is for sleep only.

00:38:05--> 00:38:24

Now, what do we do in bed nowadays, we do everything on bed. We talk on bed, we browse our Facebook, we update our Twitter and all that all on in the bedroom. So inshallah we will learn how to protect our children later on. So net online is an indication that that person is browsing, pornography history is deleted.

00:38:26--> 00:38:43

If you can access a computer of someone in your home, and you have noticed that every few days the history of the computer is being deleted. This is actually a very high indication that that person is using porn very high. Because otherwise why are they leaving? Yes.

00:38:49--> 00:38:55

Yeah, the system now is asking me a fatwa question I will ask move to make up for that. But

00:38:57--> 00:39:36

I am saying yes firing and all that. I mean, if you have noticed that there are some problems within your home Your brother is not performing well in school. He's staying up all night and all that and he wanted to protect him you don't want to invade his privacy only checking the history for example, then I don't believe that this goes in the category of spying spying means that you're actually invading his files and getting to know what he's doing and chatting here. History normal we wanted to know if he deleted the history tonight or not. If he did, there is an indication that he might have been watching porn online. Otherwise, why will he delete the history of his computer?

00:39:37--> 00:39:59

violent behavior This is between husband and wife during intimacy because as I said earlier, pornography is a system that twists your belief about the actual relationship between husband and wife it twisted. It teaches you to beat your wife during intimacy. That's what they teach. It teaches you to perform certain acts which are undesirable

00:40:00--> 00:40:33

Sometimes are haraam. But the husband's because they watch these things for many, many years, they actually believe that this is what can make their wives happy during the intimacy. So violent behavior, if the husband started to beat the wife or to act as they do in the movies, that means he had learned these things from the movies. Number five, loss of interest, as I said earlier, loss of interest of sharing bed with his wife, months will go by, and the husband is not even interested to have any intimacy with his wife.

00:40:34--> 00:40:46

Okay, this is the scientific fact that I have mentioned earlier, but we will go through it very, very quickly. As I said earlier, there are pathways for everything that interests us in life in our brain.

00:40:47--> 00:41:05

And it is called actually the reward pathway. And the only thing that can actually help you to get rid of your addiction, in most cases is to disturb your brain system, meaning that if you're sleeping past midnight, of course, all of us Mashallah sleep early after Asia, right. hamdulillah

00:41:06--> 00:41:49

so if you're sleeping past midnight, one 2am and you wanted to disturb the system, you wanted to introduce a healthy habit to replace that bad one, then a new pathway will be created. So in order for you to change your habit, because most people most most internet users, most pornography users, they actually access internet past midnight because they don't want anyone to notice them. So if you want to disturb your system, and the dopamine is normally produced during that specific time, he got used to it or that's your server that's necessary for your survival. So the dopamine would be produced during that time so that you can get up and watch porn all night. And when father come you

00:41:49--> 00:42:01

hear that then you can pray Can you who pray, who would pray while watching all these things for hours right. So that's that's the the the the the compulsive nature of addiction.

00:42:02--> 00:42:22

But if you slept early, now, your system will get disturbed, the dopamine will not be produced at that particular time. Or if it will be produced, you are sleeping, so there will be chances for you to get rid of it. inshallah. Now we have some messages for certain people, we have messages for parents, messages for educators, and messages for

00:42:24--> 00:43:04

we said, parents, educators, and religious leaders. So number one first, before we get into that there is a lady by the name of April garris. She's a counselor of ex porn stars. So those those actresses who have quit porn, they will go to her for counseling, because they have been suffering a lot of traumas, due to the drugs that they are taking. This is what we don't know behind the scene. What we don't know is that these actresses are not actually happy, or not actually pleased with what's happening. You can hear their voices and all that and you think that Wow, that is the real, the real intimacy, that's the relationship. In fact, if you read books, like the book of Shelley

00:43:04--> 00:43:41

lowborn, the fantasy of of pornography, if you read that book, she will explain she actually has exposed the the the difficulty industry of porn, you will realize that they are always on drugs, that they are always being beaten up, and they are not happy. There is a girl who was actually sorry, she signed the contract for about $10,000 per scene. 10,000 US dollars, just one scene. She's an actress. After one scene, she said, No, I quit. I can't take it. I can't take it. They said No, honey cannot go back, you have a contract that if you cancelled it before, 10 years, you have to pay us for $1 million.

00:43:43--> 00:44:04

And she was hooked on this for many, many years, until she had actually developed a lot of diseases. You know, sexual disease. So we go to this April garrus, those who quit porn, she said something very important. She said, in most every single case, there is some background of child sexual abuse or neglect. So those who are always,

00:44:05--> 00:44:13

you know, either in prostitution, landline, pornography movies, or those who are even watching porn.

00:44:15--> 00:44:51

There are cases of parents negligence. You know, in the house, the parents, they give you cell phone, but they don't ask you what you're doing on it. Yeah, they buy for your cell phone they buy for your internet, they buy for your laptop, and you take them in your room and they are sitting outside watching TV series. We are in different worlds and you are in your pornography world. So that's why we need to go back to these olden days where the parents would be very, very concerned about children's behavior. And they will call them up on the dining table and sit with them and talk to them. And what have you been doing and what what the teacher said we need to go back to that

00:44:51--> 00:44:51

staple line.

00:44:53--> 00:44:55

Now we became like ghosts in the house.

00:44:56--> 00:45:00

Right? We sit on the dining table together but everyone has got cell phones.

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

And everyone is busy in his world.

00:45:02--> 00:45:19

No, we have to impose some rules within our homes. We have to impose some Sharia in our homes, right we talk about this inshallah later. But this is what Allah subhanho wa sallam or an in. In nanofiller Mota wanted to make a demo.

00:45:21--> 00:46:05

Home wakulla Shana Sanofi my mama been alive very, very important as it says that a las panatela is the one who goes, you know, goes live today to die and give life. And we are writing everything, whatever you have brought forth, Allah subhanaw taala is writing it is recording it not only that, we're at home and your influences. Whatever you have left behind the impact that you made on your children, the impact that you made on the society, the sooner the good sooner that you would leave behind or the bad sooner that you leave behind? Allah will question you for that. So if you encourage your children to watch, you know,

00:46:06--> 00:46:12

TV series, and movies and songs and all these things, you are encouraging them actually, you are telling them go and open the TV.

00:46:14--> 00:46:19

It's the time now seven, seven o'clock, please hurry up. Hurry up. We wanted to know that she married him. Oh, no.

00:46:20--> 00:46:36

Yeah, and you say you're living in this world, you're not living in the realities, Pamela. So if you are, if you have impacted your children with this, you will be questioned about it. And most cases, most cases, those who are hooked on pornography are neglected by their parents, because

00:46:41--> 00:47:04

they don't talk about sex whatsoever. And maybe if you have a brother or sister and you want to bring it up in the house, how do you break the ice? Okay, if you're coming from a very conservative place, okay. This is very, yeah, I was in Pakistan, and Pakistan is very conservative country. And when I bring this topic on the stage, I was about to be killed. Sorry, Pakistani brother.

00:47:06--> 00:47:46

No, I mean, the people who will come and left or right and tell me, Hey, we are conservative, even the change the title of the talk, it was battling pornography, they say lower your gaze, of course, with respect to their idea, because they think when you did, I was delivering to a young young kids actually five to 12 years old. So when you deliver to that age, you have to be very careful in terms, right, because they hear one word, maybe they can go and search it online. And then they will find many of these images. So they I understand the point. But the brothers say now within conservative family, how can you bring this subject? The problem that we are facing is, or our

00:47:46--> 00:48:26

problem is that we are very naive nowadays, we are very naive. We think that our sister who was very conservative, doesn't know about pornography, or doesn't know that there is something existing in this world called pornography, or that there are some bad scenes in movies here and there, or there are bad scenes, you know, even on billboards, and we are thinking that all of us are innocent, right around that. So do we think that time has changed my brother, the time has changed. Everything my children knows my own children knows what's going on in the world, because of the influence of the society. We can see people kissing each other on the street, where I where I, where I live, people

00:48:26--> 00:48:56

are kissing each other and see how can I initially cover my children's eyes, and blind them so that they don't see these things? Brother, it's the time for us to bring the subject but we have to bring it you know, in a friendly way. We have to talk to our loved ones and tell them you know what, let us let us end it talk to each other instead of sitting hours browsing, Facebook and Twitter because the end result by watching Facebook is that you remember the guy that 18 years old boy, his trigger was Facebook.

00:48:58--> 00:49:30

And his trigger was the ads on Facebook. So whenever you see an ad, a beautiful girl doing like this and all that stuff, so he will go and click out of curiosity, right. That's what brings other websites into practice. So you have to make rules. Okay, let me talk about these rules. For example, I will apply my house that no internet ever will be available in any one's bedroom. Number one, number two, all phones or laptops, all tablets should be surrendered to parents before 9pm.

00:49:31--> 00:49:59

Before 9pm This is a rule we have to apply these rules in our home. Mom, please keep your phone Give it to me tomorrow morning. So even if you're not watching, but shaitaan is there is trying to tell you to do something. That's his job. His job is to hook you up and nudity, filthy movies like this. That's the beginning of the destruction of the Muslims. Because you would be standing saying Allahu Akbar praying and all these images are crossing your eyes.

00:50:00--> 00:50:42

You'd be praising Allah, but seeing a sexual scene when I had to rely on your brain, because our human camera will register all what we have watched. And that's why learning the GIS is one of the most profound teachings of the Prophet Mohammed salah and the Quran. One of the most profound lowering the gaze. That's why movies and all these things, even if the movies are nice and innocent, they will have to put one scene there. One scene there to to entice you to drag you right around. Is there any movie now without the kiss without a hug without all movies are like that? So brother bring the topic in for some rules in your home and talk about it but not any. Don't give, don't give

00:50:42--> 00:50:45

tips on how to access this stuff. That's it.

00:50:46--> 00:50:47

All right.

00:50:48--> 00:50:49

What time now?

00:50:50--> 00:51:32

We have 45 minutes to wrap up the live in Colorado. Okay, sad reality, negligent parents, we said parents must wake up and must know what their children are doing. They must access their you know, their internet, you know, accounts and all that. And they have to check on them and they have to educate them the sex education the proper sex education before it's too late. before they get this education from porn, sad reality and effective speech. We don't talk about it as religious leaders hamdulillah nowadays hamdulillah the shapes and the speakers of hamdulillah I heard Mufti mink several times, bringing the topic in. Brother not man also briefly mentioned it people are talking

00:51:32--> 00:51:37

people are realizing that it's important to address it, but not as much as we have.

00:51:38--> 00:51:39

as we should.

00:51:40--> 00:52:16

sad reality lack of awareness and that's why I prefer workshops than a brief lecture. Because during my workshop, I actually select intelligent participants, those who are serious those who are making excellent notes those who are who really care and and planning to do something with this topic in the future. I call those people and I train them on how to coach people who are addicted and then we raise awareness in universities. We did this Hamblen UTP and it's going very well I'm coming back again for them in December. inshallah I think end of November or December I don't remember because of this

00:52:17--> 00:52:23

long workshop, so we need inshallah, next time young Muslim projects can bring us for a longer workshop inshallah.

00:52:25--> 00:53:04

Okay, this is normally I do it during the workshop, so we'll skip that and shower. Okay, people wanted to know, the cycle. You remember the rat and the cheese. I don't want my Muslim brothers to be rats. I don't want the sisters to be rats running after a piece of cheese everyday, everyday, everyday day. And if we remove the cheese, you will be running towards the place of the cheese every day like a slave. We should be slaves to Allah subhanaw taala and not to our desires. So what is the the painful cycle that any pornography addict go through? Number one is the trigger. You remember the trigger that I told you, you watch a scene or movie, you get excited you start going further and

00:53:04--> 00:53:16

watching pornography or I will I will tell you one example, in Hong Kong Hong Kong is a very, very clean city. Bright, the City of Light, the city of billboards. So one day they were promoting

00:53:18--> 00:53:41

a woman's bag, innocent woman bank, and the billboard was from one platform to another across the street, huge spotlights all over the place. Very bright. And in order for them to promote a woman's bag, they have to bring a woman in it right? They cannot just put the bag we must bring a woman in in the ad. And of course to bring a woman in the ad you have to

00:53:42--> 00:54:12

make her lie down properly on the bed. Yeah, and take off some of her clothes. That's how they advertise anything today, exploiting our woman. So take some clothes off. And then she's holding the bag in the corner of the Yeah. So I was walking with my wife in in that street and I couldn't help but look because it was really all over the place. But it stamped on the slower the gate so I lowered against the floor was very bright. And I saw the reflection.

00:54:13--> 00:54:29

It was there. That could be a trigger. That could be a trigger that would that would register him in people's brain. And then as a result they will go home later on. watch pornography pornography. So the first thing is trigger number two.

00:54:31--> 00:55:00

Just the justification and excuses you will start talking to yourself, shall I watch or is it haram? It's haram but you know, it's better than zinnen reasoning justification. And then at the end, you will go for the third, which is the activity itself. So you will convince yourself that is better than Xena better than going to you know, to a prostitute. I would just washed watch for a while. Then you go with the activity and of course after the activity is the reward, which is the pleasure expected

00:55:00--> 00:55:20

from watching porn, and after that you feel the guilt and the shame. And you feel that you are so dirty? How could a Muslim praying to Allah subhanaw taala, five times a day? How could you reach to this point, so the guilt and the shame is more painful than anything that you can imagine. And then after this, you say, Why Allah From now on, I'm not going to watch, I quit.

00:55:22--> 00:55:33

And this is in most cases, we call What? False quitting? False quitting. You quit after you just felt the pleasure. It's like smoking, the last the last cigarette.

00:55:35--> 00:55:46

You take it all inside you feel you feel you know that this is the secret that you love the most. Okay. Okay, the last cigarette, and you keep smoking, this is not quitting. You are fooling yourself.

00:55:48--> 00:56:26

You killed you're already you burn your lungs with that cigarette. And I say, Okay, I'm not smoke again, you have enough already. That's why you feel that you're not going to smoke again. Because you have enough. After one hour, you want another cigarette. And that's the same case, you just had the pleasure from porn, and then you say I quit. After a few days, you go back again, why you go back again, because you did not protect your eyes, you did not protect your gaze. And so you so another trigger. And so you go through the same cycle again and again. And that's we call what relapse, you relapse, you say I quit. And then you see a trigger. And then you justify, and then you

00:56:26--> 00:56:55

go ahead with the activity, and then you feel the guilt and the shame. And then you say I quit and then you don't protect yourself, you relapse, and so on and so on. And there are some people who are in this cycle for many, many, many years. You cannot imagine what law you cannot imagine my brother and sister I just told you one person 43 years been hooked on porn Allah, Allah. Now he'll briefly we'll go through this journey of an addict. First exposure. Yeah,

00:56:56--> 00:57:20

the first exposure people see something and from there, the pathway is created. These images will keep on coming will keep on coming to an extent that you will start looking to a hijab or on the coffee sister with a bad eye you will think of them like porn actresses. So these images will keep on coming objectifying woman. And then the result is what stress and anxiety

00:57:21--> 00:57:46

spending hours hours people will be you know, instead of freezing or an every day for hours instead of praying that God will watch this for hours. What is the most painful secret number for woman as object? Class woman, there's no emotion anymore. You want to marry but you don't want to marry because of the woman you want to marry because you wanted to practice what you have seen on in these videos.

00:57:49--> 00:57:56

much time is wasted. The result is what the hell will be decreased the health your health will decrease.

00:57:58--> 00:58:01

Double Life we mentioned this about earlier.

00:58:02--> 00:58:07

sexual problems we already mentioned one of the brothers 18 years old who cannot function anymore.

00:58:09--> 00:58:25

The values have changed spawn along the values that Islamic values will change in your mind. My brother and sisters. Well I have seen someone who's very religious, very, very religious. And he told me he he was arguing with me first he said, Show me

00:58:26--> 00:58:34

Look, show me any indication from the Quran or from the Sunnah where me and my wife cannot enjoy pornography.

00:58:36--> 00:58:54

Now what is the story he came back later on crying he and his wife. The problem is that he was addicted to porn and his wife didn't know. And then when he was fed up he told her Listen, I'm watching porn a lot I want you to help me she said Okay, no problem honey. Anytime you want to watch porn, just call me we watch together. So she became addicted herself.

00:58:55--> 00:58:57

She became addicted later on herself.

00:58:58--> 00:59:15

And so he was arguing with me in the to justify that this is okay because husband and wife husband wife is like you're seeing people you know seeing each other seeing people's nakedness your wife would be seeing a man's nakedness you will be seeing woman's nakedness that's already strong enough

00:59:16--> 00:59:18

you understand me? So be careful.

00:59:20--> 00:59:23

So all the values will change and you start you know,

00:59:24--> 00:59:28

doing making excuse for the wrong acceleration.

00:59:29--> 00:59:36

As I said to the sister earlier who was talking about the addiction acceleration here is that from soft porn, you will move to hardcore

00:59:37--> 00:59:59

in from seeing people with bikinis and I don't know this doesn't doesn't interest you anymore. You want to escalate. You go to hard porn. And sometimes when you watch these hardcore porn frequently, frequently, frequently you get fed up you start watching something weird now, homosexuality is bestiality is Yeah, that's the end result because the dope

01:00:00--> 01:00:37

mean is giving you more and more quantity that he wanted you to achieve that same pleasure, you will not get it. If you watch the same thing, the difference between cocaine and heroin addiction and pornography addiction is, in the case of alcohol, and other drugs, you wanted more of the same substance, you wanted more, if you used to drink one, one bottle of beer illegible and you wanted to model 10, you wanted the same substance but in larger quantity. In the case of porn, you want the same, but different. You want the fantasy to change.

01:00:38--> 01:00:39

You understand what I mean?

01:00:40--> 01:01:03

And that's the danger of porn. You can't live without it anymore. You reach the point that you know so many times you have quit so many times you made promises to a law that you never go back. You have realized now that you cannot live without it. risky behavior. I will tell you another case study a friend of mine who was addicted to porn. He didn't tell me back then. He didn't tell me. I knew after he was out of jail.

01:01:05--> 01:01:36

But earlier, he used to watch heavy porn. And then it took him to what? I'm not happy with porn anymore. I wanted to go outside and one, you know, to prostitute to massages, and so on, so forth. And he went, and he enjoyed himself. Not only that, but one day he found a lady walking down the street and say, hi, hi, where do you live here? Can we have some time to talk a little bit. And she took him to her home. And when he went there, he closed the door. And he was about to rape her.

01:01:38--> 01:01:40

And when she screamed, he ran away.

01:01:41--> 01:02:01

He left that country he went to another country and in the in that second country he did the same and he was was called this time. And he was Javed Why? Because of pornography. So pornography is nuts. It's not like you know, something that will remain forever in the same way sitting in front of the computer in the comfort zone doing this. It will escalate

01:02:02--> 01:02:08

it will escalate and it will lead you to the actual center and it could, you know,

01:02:09--> 01:02:13

end up you can end up being in jail as well as this friend.

01:02:14--> 01:02:25

You tried to quit but you can't anymore. You you lose your job. You lose your studies, you lose your wife, who was your husband loss after loss. That's all what can pornography do?

01:02:26--> 01:02:52

You get caught that's the most terrifying thing. Your mom saw you your dad saw you your wife saw you, your husband saw you that's the most damaging thing that can anyone can face. You need help. finally realize now I need help. Okay, now Alhamdulillah it's 913 hours okay. So we will talk about the curing kits that I have prepared for you. But please note that

01:02:53--> 01:02:55

not all the curing

01:02:56--> 01:02:58

order recovery plans, they call it

01:02:59--> 01:03:40

they are not applicable to everyone. What works with someone may not work with another person. And that's why personal one on one coaching is very healthy. So when you speak to an expert about this matter, he will ask you several questions and based on your answers based on your honest answers, he will give you the best recovery plan. But the the the recovery points that I wanted to mention are essential oils are very, very important. It may work with everyone, but it may not work with others. So they are not we don't have like what we call a microwave recovery plan. You know what I mean? Like a fast food, okay, you have a pornography problem here is a sandwich for you or is a pill for

01:03:40--> 01:03:42

you. We don't have that.

01:03:43--> 01:04:28

Okay, the curing kit, the essential tin. So here are 10 points for curing pornography. Number one, seeking loss help I have read so many books on the subject. I didn't find this point. But I believe that this is the most important point for Muslims to consider. Do I historical due to Allah subhanaw taala to cure you from this addiction and to bring you healthy life inshallah number two, this again, I read many books, all the books, every single book I have read about this subject said, you have to tell someone, you cannot go about the journey of recovery by yourself. You cannot. It doesn't work. You have to remember this. But you have to be also very careful as to whom are you

01:04:28--> 01:04:59

going to relate this to. So if you are a sister, and you want to reveal this to your husband Be very, very careful because husbands are very jealous. Once you tell them something like that it might end up in a very bad way, divorce or something like that or loss of trust. So instead, maybe you can tell your sister or your sister in law, anyone whom you trust. Don't tell anyone who will take your secrets on Facebook. Yes. So tell someone whom you trust someone who will be interested to help you out who will encourage you

01:05:00--> 01:05:09

Who will send you messages of motivations who will call you up and tell you let's go for a walk someone really good friend who, whom you trust. Number three.

01:05:10--> 01:05:17

eliminate all pornographic images from your home. Whatever like you know movies, these are also pornographic.

01:05:18--> 01:05:49

Even the movies that you're watching the TV series they're also pornographic. And as I said one trigger is sufficient to take you to hardcore porn one trigger one case one hug one girl wearing inappropriate clothes. So eliminate all these things from your life and make it a policy make it a rule in your home that these things we're not going to watch it anymore. When I asked you how many people are watching TV series and movies, masala majority raise their hands. Now it's the time to make some changes. Sharma number four.

01:05:50--> 01:06:10

Divide your goals into small goals. Now, don't ever say from now on no porn. This will not work. This will never work. But instead, you say okay, today is Friday in sha Allah. There'll be no porn in my life from Friday to Sunday.

01:06:11--> 01:06:35

That's my goal. So you can see Sunday. It's very, very measurable. it's achievable. You can see it on one Sunday comes you say okay, until I did it for three days, inshallah, from Sunday until tomorrow, no point. So divide your goal into small goals. Now, that doesn't mean that you know, by Sunday night, you're very happy tomorrow is poured.

01:06:37--> 01:06:44

You should you should divide your goals so that you can continue doing that you continue to quit. Don't make a celebration. Hey,

01:06:45--> 01:06:52

okay. Number five, don't punish yourself when you fall. Because you will you will relapse couple of times.

01:06:53--> 01:07:38

But don't give up and don't say oh, there's nothing works with me. Yeah. So when you fall when you relapse, stand up again. And continue with the plan. It's like you're walking in the streets and what happened? You fell down? What will you do? You will remain there, or I fell down. I look so bad. People are seeing me Oh, everybody's looking at me. Okay, so what? Stand up and continue the journey, go back home. Fix your pens do anything, right, but don't stay there. Don't just sit there and cry over your condition. Stand up and continue with the plan. Number six, develop new habits. This is one of the most important points if you wish to break free from pornography is to develop

01:07:38--> 01:08:00

new healthy habits. And the best way The best way is to insert or to introduce your brain these habits at the same time. Where do you normally watch porn? So if you're watching porn midnight and you can't sleep, actually you should be sleeping by then. But in case you cannot sleep you have to do something else other than porn at that very time.

01:08:01--> 01:08:08

You Francisco you have to introduce yourself to your brain a new healthy habit number seven

01:08:09--> 01:08:21

Be honest in seeking the cure, there are many people who will talk to me and wanted to quit porn and I will give them so many you know, recovery plans and they will call me and say by the way we have cheated.

01:08:23--> 01:09:01

So I will be asking them how are you? Are you okay? Are you free from poor? Yes, I haven't watched 400 out for a week and by the end of the week by the way I watched a couple of times So why didn't tell me you're cheating yourself. You have to be very honest with yourself you have to be honest with the coach if you are talking to a coach or to your your accountability partner or whatever. Number eight Don't be fooled by false quitting we said this earlier that sometimes you will quit as a result of being already pleased enough so don't be fooled by full squinting continue with the plan number nine remind yourself of the consequences

01:09:02--> 01:09:15

and the most important consequences what death you know I do something myself on my computer. Not this one. on my computer I have this sticker called a law is watching you.

01:09:17--> 01:09:27

Now imagine you're opening your laptop and there is a sticker say Allah is watching you. Okay www I don't care.com this is this is a tragedy.

01:09:28--> 01:09:36

Yeah, remind yourself that one day you're going to face a Lost Planet Allah and the Prophet Muhammad SAW Salaam as I indicated earlier he said Allah Morrow you Bothell Morrow

01:09:41--> 01:09:57

I forgot the the Arabic but a man will be resurrected on the day of judgment on the same thing that he used to do in this dunya The last thing that you did in this dunya you will be resurrected doing the same thing. So what are the chances? What are the chances and number 10? Is

01:09:59--> 01:09:59

Yeah,

01:10:00--> 01:10:25

Learn more about this filthy industry raise awareness How many of you knows the the movie that was produced recently against the Prophet Mohammed Salah Salam and offensive movie? that cause you know a lot of damages in the Muslim world Anyone have heard about this movie? Yeah, do you know that the one who made that movie is one of the biggest producers of pornography

01:10:26--> 01:11:10

films in the States? Do you know that? You were not aware? Imagine you're watching that movie and you love the Prophet Mohammed Salah. You love the Prophet Muhammad SAW salah and you know that this this movie is done by the same director who insulted your prophet SAW Selim, will you really promote that industry? Will you really click OK on any of these websites because by the way, any click every click and every pop up websites that comes from this filthy industry, you are actually contributing to the growth every click, they are receiving money because of you. So don't pile up sins before you die. Quit quickly before it's too late. Okay, so this is one this is one I call it the essential 10

01:11:10--> 01:11:48

they are very very important on the way of recovery plan the second one is what from internet to intercut I call it no internet whatsoever for a couple of months quit internet for three four months and guess what life will be the same the trees will be just up there the same way no they will not disappear the birds will be there. Your parents will be there in fact you'd be more productive you will do more productive things than just sitting in front of the internet all night do something else tell someone I don't want to use internet no matter what take my phone take my Facebook for a couple of months well it Nothing will happen yet. In fact you will become better person so this is

01:11:48--> 01:11:57

one of the things that works with many people who are addicted no internet simple, no internet, run, eat banana do anything.

01:12:00--> 01:12:18

Okay, let's let me recommend for your handler we are right on time then after that, we will open the q&a inshallah. So, resources, here are a couple of books that I found to be very, very important. So this one the drug of the new millennium, this is a complete course including actually CD. So one of the best

01:12:21--> 01:12:23

books on the subject of recovery.

01:12:25--> 01:12:30

The marketing of the evil this will give you more information about the industry of pornography.

01:12:32--> 01:13:11

Sexual sabotage is also one of the best thing written on this marketing of, of porn illegible and this is about the recovery treating pornography addiction. So many people who have done research in this subject they will come up with, you know their own ideas of how to treat pornography addicts and the old may work with with some people. So these these are the books that I found to be very useful The Power of Habit, it will help you to introduce yourself new habits and how how habit works. How can you shift from one habit to another one of the best books you must read it actually, you must read it this book.

01:13:13--> 01:13:57

The porn trap again, this is about overcoming pornography addiction and they have like very nice program in that book. And this book is written by ex porn star Shelley Logan and this is a warning I don't want you to go and search her name. Okay. I don't want you to go and search her name or check her website for now. Those who are addicted don't ever go and watch it because I sent her a letter actually. And I advise her to weigh properly she quit porn and she's writing now against porn. But still she's wearing very attractive clothes so I don't advise you to at all. But this is one of the best books I have read about the industry and exposing the industry of pornography behind truth

01:13:57--> 01:14:01

behind the fantasy of porn written by ex porn star

01:14:02--> 01:14:07

love you hate the porn this for wives who have discovered you know

01:14:09--> 01:14:30

the their husband's behavior on the internet. So it helped them to overcome and how to provide some aid to your husband's. Now this is one of the websites purifier gates. This is done by our brother, Ziad Ramadan is a Muslim, he has done a great job in this area. I don't agree with him in all what he does.

01:14:32--> 01:14:59

Because these programs also are extremely expensive, but he has done good effort martial law. But here another website called porn harms calm, great resources, study, read the books, they offer books free to learn more about this and also covenant eyes and covenant eyes this one of the best website that tackles this matter. But I want to make another warning. It's a Christian based website so they will also insert

01:15:00--> 01:15:41

Messages regarding Jesus's Lord Jesus Christ, love you and all that thing. So be careful, take what is good, and leave behind the theological understanding of Christianity because they are Christian based, but they have one of the best software ever. One of the best software and that software is that if someone applied, and it's paid, it's paid, you have to pay per month, I think $30 or something or $10? I'm not sure exactly. But you have to pay for it. And it's worth paying for it. Because it's not only you, it's not like installing a website that will block will block you know, all these filthy websites. No, you will have to install it on two computers,

01:15:43--> 01:16:24

your computer, and you're accountable accountability partner. So anything that you're doing on your computer, there is a daily report going to your accountability partner. Of course, the accountability partner is not receiving detailed report. Like you know, your emails you're sent to this yes, no, no, he will. The software will send like signals Red. Red means what? He's browsing something wrong with the time actual time and the website. Yeah, they will tell you if it's red, they will tell you he visited that website. So that countability partner will rush and try to do his best to help the brother from relapse. So this is one of the very healthy website. And also there is

01:16:24--> 01:16:57

another free software called canine I didn't include it in the slides. canine it's free. But it's job is only to block the websites from accessing but you know, if you want to delete it, if you're addicted, you will simply uninstall it. Yeah. The last words is the addict is not morally a sick person. And this what we wanted to stress. Anyone who's addicted to porn is not morally sick. He's not a bad person. The problem is that addicts thinks that they are alone in this world. Everyone who's accessing pornography feels that he is alone in this world.

01:16:58--> 01:17:08

So we have to approach them by telling them first that you are not alone. Many people can can you remove the brother? Can you remove the computer cable for now?

01:17:10--> 01:17:43

Just pull the white thing Yeah, put it on, just like a loving. So we have to tell those people who approach us with these compulsive behaviors that hey, relax. There are millions of people like you. And there is a hope and there's a solution for that. We don't have to make them feel bad. We don't have to tell them that you're sick. You know what's wrong with you, you're Muslim and so on so forth. Okay, I was trying to rush actually because, as I said, there are many many things to cover. But we will stop here and see if you have more questions to offer. Mila

01:17:45--> 01:17:46

can have some water please.

01:17:50--> 01:17:51

drink my coffee.

01:17:52--> 01:17:53

Okay, any questions?

01:17:55--> 01:17:56

Yes.

01:18:05--> 01:18:06

Maybe?

01:18:21--> 01:18:24

Okay, okay, let me see what is porn.

01:18:25--> 01:18:31

As we said porn is associated with prostitute. Prostitution is associated with

01:18:32--> 01:18:42

explicit images to cause a person that arouses the sexual arousal and as a result, he will go on, you know, pleasuring himself, that's porn, but porn is not.

01:18:43--> 01:19:13

It's not necessarily explicit images. Anyone has he? Any Everyone has his own fantasy world in his brain. So some people like this kind of, you know, girl wearing this fashion, this this clothes, this could be his porn. This could be his way to enter into actually an actual Zenon. But the one that we know generally is explicit images of people having sexual intimacy that's porn.

01:19:14--> 01:19:15

Yes.

01:19:22--> 01:19:24

Working in medical field

01:19:32--> 01:19:35

looking at people you mean nakedness?

01:19:36--> 01:19:37

Doctors, you mean?

01:19:39--> 01:19:59

No, I mean, these things are different things, sisters, because the main purpose of pornography is the arousal they want you to reach to that excitement enticement of the sexual arousal arrangements so that you can act. After that. You can act you can you you may act in different different ways you may act by positioning yourself

01:20:00--> 01:20:02

You may act by going out for you know,

01:20:03--> 01:20:31

committing Zina as a biller, or you may act by paying to get more. And there are some people who go by the credit cards and buy. But in the medical field, although you are exposed to some people who may show the nakedness for one purpose or another, all the doctors or all the students will be actually looking at these things for educational reasons or for saving people's life. So you don't have this arousal sexual compulsion in your in your brain at that time. So it's absolutely fine.

01:20:34--> 01:20:36

Yes, you're left

01:20:43--> 01:20:44

would you recommend a different?

01:20:48--> 01:21:27

Yes, as I said earlier, the curing tips that I'm giving are general they are very important very helpful to so many, but they may not work with everyone. So no, I would not recommend a different kid for sisters, different kids for brothers. Rather the sister or the brother might talk to me they they have to talk to me, I normally send a list of questions because I wanted to identify your level of addiction based on this I can recommend some tips and in most cases where and I forgot to mention my email actually I left it in the beginning but here I'm repeating my email for those who wish to get in touch with me for any reason where l w e l

01:21:31--> 01:21:34

dot dots, Ibrahim IVR h i m

01:21:36--> 01:21:57

09 at yahoo.com. So this my email address can approach me for the presentation itself for general questions regarding the topic or otherwise or for coaching if you if you feel that you have some issues regarding this area you can also contact me Any other questions? Are you guys coming to the conference?

01:21:59--> 01:22:17

Only one person say yes we should not leave them to go from here without buying the ticket. Only one person says guys the conference any Mashallah big lineup of teaming don't come for me come for both to make Dr. Bilal Philips shake Hasani shikamaru Banda masala chef, he will be there.

01:22:18--> 01:22:19

That beer?

01:22:21--> 01:22:21

Yes.

01:22:23--> 01:22:26

Tonight, a special pricing

01:22:31--> 01:22:34

is available at a cheaper price. Okay. Any other questions?

01:22:38--> 01:22:39

Religion wise.

01:22:42--> 01:22:48

Religious consequences? Yeah, as I said, I mentioned one consequences, religiously speaking.

01:22:51--> 01:23:09

First of all, we said that it's wrong, right? It's absolutely wrong. What you're watching you're watching people who are not related to you you're not watching this is not your wife this not your husband that you're looking at? So it's hard on by the Islamic religion. But what are the consequences the shin is asking now.

01:23:10--> 01:23:36

Number one, I said you might die on that state. And if you died on that state, you meet a lot of panatela upon that state so it's either you want to die in the poor and doing Salam doing dour engaging in Islamic studies or you may want to die while in that very filthy position. Imagine yourself raising up rising up on the Day of Judgment doing porn while at the villa. How would you expect the law What would you say to a Lost Planet Allah

01:23:37--> 01:24:21

and Allah alone You will not tell us Montana by the way I'm addicted. I was out of control. And that is that is actually a requirement it is required from us to control our anger right? If you if you while you're angry, you start reacting and start shouting or maybe slap your wife will you tell us a story because I was angry? Sorry, don't punish me I was angry. No, that's not an excuse the same thing you will not the last one. Sorry I was addicted. How do you reach that level in the first place? So these are what any I can touch on but my expertise is not also the religious consequences. I'm trying to present the scientific facts behind the matter and try to add some Islamic touches

01:24:21--> 01:24:25

here and there. With if you have any addition I would be very happy to hear Sure.

01:24:26--> 01:24:27

You want to

01:24:28--> 01:24:28

please

01:24:32--> 01:24:59

yeah, but religious wise This is what I can. What I always mentioned is the result if you die doing this because we have no guarantee when we will die and will not upon which state and that's why the Prophet Mohammed Salim is to say I'm happy to submit all biagini all along, strengthen the hearts strengthen my heart upon this Dean upon this religion don't ever die doing an act of a disbeliever those people who are producing these movies mostly have no religion.

01:25:00--> 01:25:10

They have lost faith. They are on drugs. They're living a filthy life. They are not happy. And you're encouraging them by actually watching the production. Yeah, so my last one Tarceva. So

01:25:14--> 01:25:19

go ahead. What's your advice to husbands and wives? Does that make sense?

01:25:21--> 01:26:06

My advice, I think what we have said already is enough. Husband and wife will make porn for their own consumption in the life. Again, I will say supposedly died. Not not why doing the movie with your wife in a live in Arizona, and he died, all of us are going to die. And these tapes were found later on. That will be your son. That will be as soon as he left on earth, me and my wife enjoying ourselves. Oh, come on. Yeah. It's not wrong. By the way, if you record yourself with your wife, and then you deleted Yeah. But if you left it to the people to the public to see your wife's naked this after your demise? That's a disaster. So do not ever think about it. Be very, very careful.

01:26:09--> 01:26:09

Yes,

01:26:11--> 01:26:12

yes.

01:26:17--> 01:26:18

especially young children.

01:26:26--> 01:26:29

How to guide what's right. The curiosity of the children.

01:26:31--> 01:26:44

Money depends on the age system. Like if, if you're talking to a three year old boy, four years old boy, you don't open the subject, or what you need to prevent is not to open TV finished, you know, I have?

01:26:47--> 01:27:24

Well, I believe you know, we have an example of shoes that would bought for example, and his kids, they don't watch TV. And one day, a model on his daughter, Mashallah was with us in the hotel. And there was a huge TV, yes, she was attracted to the glamorous world of TV, but for a few seconds, and after that we left she left, they have different different activities that fills this gap. And so that's what we need to introduce our kids introduce them alternative, you do not be the source of introducing these movies to kids, otherwise, you would have no control over them. When they reached a certain level of age, you have no control anymore. And even if you prevent them, they'll say okay,

01:27:24--> 01:27:32

but the outside they will go and watch. But from day one, if you have actually warned them from these, you know, movies and cartoons and all that they will follow me.

01:27:37--> 01:27:38

And

01:27:39--> 01:27:41

one day I saw

01:27:42--> 01:27:44

things no. Famous.

01:27:48--> 01:27:49

So what sorry, call you?

01:27:51--> 01:27:51

Oh,

01:28:01--> 01:28:07

okay with it, some teachers have a period as well, because they think that this is like really creative, you know?

01:28:09--> 01:28:12

So well as a teacher, the teacher

01:28:13--> 01:28:13

is

01:28:17--> 01:28:18

what do you think as

01:28:22--> 01:28:27

we read it, like, with the permission of the school, or just

01:28:31--> 01:28:45

you remember, I said that we have to raise awareness. I advise the same. I give the same advice in Pakistan before coming to the teachers who are also attending and I mentioned briefly on pornography, and I said, that you have what do you teach?

01:28:46--> 01:29:25

maths, okay, so that's what you teach, right? one class, you have to teach something else. And if you are given 12 sessions per term, for example, to teach, make them 13. And one session, you go out of this math world and teach them something beneficial, that will benefit them outside the world. And one of them is to raise awareness against pornography. And to mention the dangerous reading this book, because that book is the beginning. It's reading now, this is a story. It's not intense, you know, like images and graphics and all that. So this will take them to the real movie now the real movies in the cinema now. Right? And after that, they will go for daddy. Oh, no, they won't see

01:29:25--> 01:29:59

more. You want to see more. So you as a teacher as an educator, although you're given salary to teach maths, but you have another responsibility to raise healthy children who will be excellent mathematicians, but at the same time, morally, also. Excellent. So you have to insert some of these advices in the end. And I don't think that history class should be always about history. You have to go out of history a little bit and tell them something morally. I was talking to them the Blair Phillips in Pakistan and he always say and I believe he repeated it here. I believe

01:30:00--> 01:30:33

Believe that more lessons must be inserted in our classes in every class, more lessons, how can we behave our sign outside? How can we be truthful, truthful to our, you know, parents, to our loved ones to our neighbors? How can we be loyal? How can we, you know, generous, and so on, so forth. And avoidance of these things are necessary for producing healthy nation, otherwise, we don't have hope, no matter what grades they will score, or it doesn't matter if they are morally sick. Yeah.

01:30:34--> 01:30:48

So try, try this tip and report to me. If you don't mind and try to talk to people to advise them outside, they will love that class. In fact, they will love it more than any other math class. Because it's another one that

01:30:50--> 01:30:57

nobody will break the ice a bit any one day, you will enter and say, guys, today, I don't want to talk about math. Let's break the ice. Let's talk about something else.

01:30:59--> 01:31:10

And I want to talk to you about the danger of this and that will lie they will, they will be interested. And at the same time, one at least or two people will practice what you said at least in a class. In other questions, how long?

01:31:12--> 01:31:14

Take one system, then the button? Yes.

01:31:21--> 01:31:24

But then back up, what you can

01:31:26--> 01:31:28

do is brush it off.

01:31:29--> 01:31:33

And it's been a long time since then, how do you be open?

01:31:38--> 01:31:49

By talking generally about the subject, talking generally about the subject, like here, I'm talking generally to you. Right? I didn't ask, by the way, how many addicts are here.

01:31:50--> 01:32:29

So I'm talking generally, I said in the beginning, just because you have attended the class doesn't mean that you are all addicted. But we cannot fool ourselves by saying that all of you are good. All of you are free from porn. You don't sound mean, but I'm talking and everyone feels everyone knows what he's doing. So sometimes you can you can go today, or tonight or tomorrow and see that I have attended a workshop or a two hours program on pornography addiction. And I learned a lot Shall I shared with you, I learned this, I learned that it will hit that person indirectly. And it might do the Great job. And it might also open the curiosity of that person by telling you, you know what, I

01:32:29--> 01:32:50

want to entrust you with a secret, I have a problem. And that will be the beginning 50% of the cure is to tell someone 50% of getting rid of your addiction is to actually take it off your chest and tell somebody that would be the beginning of the cure. So indirect approach in the beginning, and then slowly, slowly, it will open.

01:32:57--> 01:33:01

Why did you try to cooperate with the government prosecution?

01:33:03--> 01:33:05

Let's see. Yeah,

01:33:06--> 01:33:07

it seems like

01:33:09--> 01:33:11

it's a big problem. And at the same time, when you're looking at

01:33:12--> 01:33:13

encoding,

01:33:19--> 01:33:59

I haven't yet because I haven't finished my workbook. I don't know if you came when I said in the beginning that I'm here. So I'm writing now a workbook, an exercise book for those who are addicts, those who are actually addicted to porn, and I'm building up a website called pure minds. That's why I said, if you want to shoot any of the information, you hashtag pure minds and tag me and tag other friends to you know, spread the word around. So the point is, no, I don't have that big proposal to go to the government and tell them please help me out. I don't have that yet. But my plan is to create teams and every city I go so whenever I go and deliver this workshop, and I'm talking about

01:33:59--> 01:34:41

the workshop, not the two hours program because the whole day workshop is more more creative and we'll sit together in groups and we'll plan and you know, hear each other's opinion and so on so forth. And after the workshop, I select team for that particular city. So for Kuala Lumpur pornography team with this will be so and so and so on so so that we can spread the word go and raise awareness in the university send proposals and so on so forth alone, I cannot do everything. I received hundreds of emails regarding this many people asking for my help regarding this and I cannot reply each and every one by myself. So if I create the teams in every city inshallah and I

01:34:41--> 01:34:59

train them on how to coach coaching tips and all that, then at least we can together, you know, help those people who are addicted and only then we can reach when we when we create noise. The government will come to us when we create noise big companies will come and ask for our help. So far, I'm not yet at that level.

01:35:02--> 01:35:22

Anything that's come official will be a lot more effective. Yes, I agree with you, I agree with you. So I am now in the planning of creating teams first. And then the website will be professionally done. So a lot of work book would be published. And it will be published by Wayne Sharma. So after this step, I think we can take it to a next level.

01:35:24--> 01:35:30

So hopefully once you hit anything, you will be the one the first one to sign in and help me out we have

01:35:31--> 01:35:34

any other questions? Oh, sure.

01:35:35--> 01:35:36

I love your style.

01:35:38--> 01:35:43

But advice would you give a father who's being approached by a seven year old kid asking about sex?

01:35:45--> 01:35:56

Talk to him, talk to him, but in a language that the seven years old can understand. I mean, I don't believe that the seven years old like my my son is seven years old. He will never mentioned the word sex.

01:35:57--> 01:36:15

He will never mentioned that word. I don't any I don't imagine my son will come and talk to me about six, seven years old boy cannot talk about this. But if he approached like, normally the question the most common question that kids ask like how how did I came to this world? How so you cannot tell him you know from the sugar

01:36:17--> 01:36:35

you know, this joke like no, you will tell him there is a process my mother and your mother and me came together and you you became the result you will talk to him in a very, very, you know, appropriate language that he can grasp where you cannot go sex cannot cannot introduce these terms now.

01:36:38--> 01:36:40

Any other questions? so long? Are we done?

01:36:44--> 01:36:44

On a

01:36:47--> 01:36:54

societal level? not really possible for us to avoid on the surface, especially living in a

01:36:55--> 01:37:01

country? So how do we how do we at least not internally block which is

01:37:03--> 01:37:49

very, very interesting question the brothers say about triggers, that it's difficult to to block these triggers, especially, we're living in a multicultural place like Malaysia like Hong Kong. So it's very difficult. I found it very difficult and hard for myself in Hong Kong, living in a very, very noisy city and people are not practicing slam and all that. So how can we keep going now? Number one, is to stick to the German, stick to the congregation, stick to the good company. That's very important. You go to the masjid, in the masjid together, you pray together, you talk together about the stuff about this problem, you know, the whatsapp group, have you seen that slide which

01:37:49--> 01:38:27

says whatsapp group, actually, this whatsapp group is in during the workshop, I will divide the teams into small small groups. And I will ask them to exchange numbers. Why? To remind each of these points to keep each other's reminded. We need reminders. So all these things, even if you see a trigger, even if you say a trigger, and you were planning to do something evil, you will find in five minutes in one hour. And one day a brother is sending you a reminder, this is just you know, it's not religious advice, what I'm giving you now, these are just practical tips that we can apply in our lives if we really stick to the drama. If we really try to protect ourselves genuinely, these

01:38:27--> 01:38:30

these triggers will not affect us at all.

01:38:33--> 01:38:33

This

01:38:36--> 01:38:42

talks about a story about the Prophet and the guy who wanted to build adultery, where can I find that story?

01:38:44--> 01:38:57

He's challenging me. No, no, no, there is there is a hadith narration where the man came and asked the prophet SAW Selim allow me to commit adultery. So where is the source? You have to email? you email me I'll get you the source. I don't have the source at the moment.

01:39:02--> 01:39:06

It's an authentic I know, I know. But what is the source? Do you remember it? No, don't remember the source.

01:39:08--> 01:39:10

Okay, any other questions inshallah.

01:39:11--> 01:39:42

By the way, in my lecture in the conference, I will talk about stories of change, stories of change, I will talk about the concept of change itself, how can we make a change in our life a positive change, and then I will move by discussing a story of one of the scholars who are was very bad man, and all of a sudden he became a religious scholar. And then I will end up my talk by actually relating my own story, how a musician singer, like me and his Catholic wife,

01:39:44--> 01:40:00

became what we are now, I'm not relating this story for any personal thing, but rather to remind those who may have been, you know, infected with the disease of music, I call it and still listening to

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Music and thinking to do something about it, listen to my story, you will get a lot of lessons and you will see how music was leading me to drugs how music was leading me to Christianity.

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And as a result, I was lost. And then Allah subhanaw taala guided me and my wife to Islam and hamdulillah so it's going to be very, very interesting and I believe there are many many speakers who have a lot of motivation topics this conference so don't miss that conference guys. Anytime there is a conference with a loss palatinus name and the prophet SAW Selim stitchings been distributed, you'll be the first attended voila, you are an awesome country you shouldn't miss these opportunities. If it is expensive, I believe the I heard that the daily reminders offering scholarship or something of that sort and he does a discount in this workshop. Yeah, and do your

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best do your best talk to the people and try to attend this gathering. One gathering where a las pantallas name is being mentioned the angels descend make prayer for you and by the end of the meeting, Allah subhanaw taala said oh shadow Komiyama at any other formula I bear witness to you my angel that I have forgiven them all. So seek this opportunity inshallah and be forgiven May Allah bless you if there's no more questions, we'll end the session shallow. Any other questions?

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Hmm, okay. After inshallah we end up I will be staying here for about 15 minutes 15 minutes and so anyone wanted to approach me like one on one for any questions for any advice, personal issues, I will be here available for 15 minutes inshallah does that law, Highlands panic, Alomar, Behanding and shadow Layla Hill and stuff like that. It was an honor. And I hope next time we'll come with the full program, youth young youth project. Come on. Don't bring me for two hours program of this. This is not good. So inshallah next time we spend more time and we do it properly. Charles Zavala hydrosoluble.