The Muslim Family #47 – Obeying Your Parents

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hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala Abdullah he was sola novena Mohammed while early he Asahi edge Marina salam o alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh. We begin with the principle line by asking Allah to exalt dementia grand peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to his family and his companions. What we're going to deal with, at the beginning of this episode, inshallah, to Allah is the issues around obedience to the parents.

This is something that we have no doubt it's a part of a better way to Deen. And it's a fundamental part of but

we have no doubt that the word bill itself indicates a par, it indicates obedience. However, how do we reconcile and how do we navigate the issue of obedience to our parents, and the different sort of elements that are that are involved in that. So we're gonna start with the Hadeeth of

a big dollar debt. And now Julian attell, who for call in Le Ma, was in Omi Moroni, be talapia.

Call SMS to Rasul Allah, he saw a lot of while he was send me a call.

And while we do our software, a global agenda,

call for in *ter for other vertical Bab our fault.

And that is narrated by a telemovie, or Kala Hassan. And so he said, it's a authentic idea

that the parent said I heard the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam say that the parent is our support abueva Jin Alsop here, it said that also it means philosophy. And it means in all of the doors of gender, it's the middle one. And it said that it was hot. And this is very common that the word was up, it means salt, it means upward, in the best of the doors of paradise. And then he said to him, so if you wish, you can lose this door, you can give up this door, just forget about it out there, like just let it go. lose lose out on it, if you wish you can lose out on it. And if you wish, you can keep you can you can protect it. So here the interesting thing is, did Apple does that

answer his question and say, divorce or not divorce? What you see from this is that he didn't answer his question. He simply narrated a hadith from the prophet SAW Selim, he said what I know when the Prophet says them is the Prophet system said that the parent is our software Belgian, that best of all of the gates of paradise. That's what I know. That's what I know.

That in Schechter Valley, Valley callback, oh, EFF off.

So if you wish to give up this door, and lose out on it, if you wish to go there and make sure that you get it. So ultimately, here,

what we have is from the statement of apple.org that is that he didn't really answer the question. But he indicated that the importance of the of obedience to the parents and he indicated that to be considered to be barbed wire leading to be considered to have been a little while again, you have to have obedience to them. You have to have obedience to them. There's no doubt about that.

So here, we need to kind of sort this out and understand what the issues are relating to the obedience to the parents. So among the scholars are those who said that when the parents tell you to do something, which is worship, which allies which I told you is worship, then it is wired up for you to obey them.

And they said that when your parents tell you to do something, which is more by its allowed,

then it must happen. But this is not a strong opinion. This is not a strong opinion. So how do we reconcile this? First of all,

if they command you to do something which is haram,

if they command you to do something which is haram, then it's not permissible to obey them. As Elijah just said, What in Jihad al Qaeda and Toshiko beam Elisa Kp n fellows will take home I will saw Hippo Murphy Jr, Mr. Offer and if they strive to make you make a partner with me and that which you have no knowledge of do not obey them, and accompany them in this world in the best way. So there is no

La De Lima lowchen, female Seattle holep there is no obedience to creation in disobedience to the Creator. But if you disobey them in this, if you disobey them in this, then that disobedience it has to be at the highest with the best manners and the kindest words and the best behavior that if you have to disobey them, and nuts if they tell you to do something Haram, because as Elijah said, we're able to learn how to shake up our BYD near Santa allies, which I'll put his right first and then the right of the parents. So the right of Allah is always given precedence over all of creation.

If they tell you to do something, which is mazahub or MOBA, it is recommended in Islam to do it, or it is more there it's permissible to do then you have to also have them that's the other one.

That's the answer. That's the basic principle. If they tell you to do something was to have a MOBA, something which is halal, or something which is recommended, you also have to obey them,

you also have to obey them. However, the scholar has made an exception in one area, that which doesn't involve a harm to the child.

So here, we need to define the harm as a bar on a bottle and what a terrible,

Sharon, it has to be a harm, which is given proper consideration in the Sharia of Islam

has to be the harm that is given a proper consideration in theory of Islam. It can't be just that the child has all you know, like, I'm going to be harmed because I'm not going out with my friends. But the DOD which is martela, Sharon, the harm which is given consideration in the *tier because the profit sites have said blah, blah, blah, well, there has to be no harm accidental or deliberate.

There has to be no harm caused to another person. So it is not allowed for the parent to tell their child to do something which brings upon them a harm in the Sharia. A harm which is given consideration islamically it's not allowed for the parent to do that. And if the parent commands them to do that the child has the right not to obey them again, Bill Maher off

in the way with the best of the best standard, and the best, the best behavior, and the kindness words wakulla, Homer Colin Karima and say to them the most noble of words and the kindest of words and the most generous and nice words that a person can see. So here, we'll go back again, and we'll summarize again, you'll see that as for them telling you to do harm, then it's not permissible for you to obey them.

As for them telling you to do that which is worship almost to have all MOBA then you have to obey them. That's the apostle, you obey them. You should have beat him. And it's not like some of the scholars said that it's most to have to obey them here. Yeah, but who was its word, you have to obey them here. Except if they tell you to do something which would bring a harm upon you, that is martaba in the Sherry, and that is given consideration and Sherry of Islam.

So then, how do we understand this in the matter of the famous messala of my mom told me to divorce my wife.

This is a very famous muscle as we've heard a man who came to Apple

and he said that my mom came toward me to divorce my wife. There is an aeration from Ahmad that he told his son Abdullayev and Armand robiola and home, he told his son up to armor to divorce his wife, and he did. And he did.

And it's also narrated that a man came to me man I met and he asked about this. And he well, Ahmed said to him, that if you have nothing left in will accept this, then do it. If you have nothing, if there is if you have done every single kind of build up that you can do to your parents, and the only thing left for you is to divorce your wife, then divorce. But the reality is that this we can simply understand it in the in the light of whether a brings upon a bottle upon the person, so a harm upon the person. So

if it's the case, that like in the case of armor, the honor is from the most knowledgeable of the Sahaba, about the shedding of Allah and about what is good for the people and armor telling his son Abdullah to divorce his wife, which person is like Omar, and that's why it's narrated that some of them said which of you has some of the earlier Matt they said in response to this which of you has a father like

Meaning that if you have a father like Omar with that amount of knowledge and that amount of understanding and taqwa, then he's not going to tell you something which is going to bring harm upon you. Rather, what he's telling you is for your good not for your heart. However, in the case of other parents, it can be there can be jealousy between the mother and between the daughter in law. And the mother might say, if you really loved me, divorce her, you and so on, this is something which happens. And that doesn't mean that the mother is now raised up to the height of our own caught up. And now we say to her that you know what she said, For us, it has to be good for him.

Whether he should ask his mother The reason for that and say, Mom, what's the reason why I should divorce her? Or what do you think is the problem. And when she explains if that is a valid Islamic reason, that she says you need to divorce her because I see that she doesn't wear hijab properly, or I see that she

is bad in the way that she treats you or I see that she has had a bad influence upon you or something like that, then he can give it consideration. As for if the answer is nothing more than jealousy, then this is just bringing harm upon him and upon his wife, which is an unnecessary harm. And it falls under the statement of the Prophet sighs I'm glad dadada Well, I do not, you can't cause harm to other people. And therefore he should respectfully and kindly disobey his mother. On this particular on this particular issue. associated with Sam Tamia, he limited obedience to what is beneficial for the parent, and not harmful for the child. Because the parent might ask that the the

son to do something which is harmful for them, which hurts them and the son knows. So the son here can respectfully disagree the daughter she can respectfully disagree in the matters where they know it's going to harm the parents, it's not going to benefit them, or it's going to harm the child. So what about this issue of the father and the mother differing with each other? So in this we have a statement regarding Lima Malik, a man came to America for coil in Sudan. He said My father is in a Sudan and Sudan at that time. And allies journalists best referred to Africa in general, will love anime without the specific country. Were their own any Yup, global mini and academic in LA. He said

that

he has requested me to, to go to him that I should go and I should travel to him in Africa where he is what will meet him nerone mean daddy and my mother said Don't go.

So what should I do now?

My father says to me go to Africa. My mother says Don't go.

What do you think? Pause the video have a chat to the people in your family. Let's see how many of you come up with the answer that Imam Malik came up with.

So inshallah you had to think about it. My medical Rahim Allah to Allah He said, outlet abacha watashi, amok. He said, obey your father, but don't disobey your mother.

He said, obey your father, but don't disobey your mother. And that's obviously a very, it's a very clever way of putting it. But we have to answer the question in a in a way that is clear for people. And that is that the scholars differed over this issue, because some of them took the Hadeeth of the mother being three times more deserving of companionship. And they said that this would indicate that the mother should be given precedence in this. And others they said, rather this Howdy. It talks about hosting a server, excellent companionship. And it doesn't necessarily talk about

the issue of obedience, per se, like, obviously, obedience is a part part of that. But it doesn't necessarily say that the mother or indicated the mother is deserving of obedience more than the father

and allies knows best. But that's what seems to be the correct opinion that the Father has the right of being the head of the household. And his decisions take precedence over those of the mother, because in the first place, the father has that authority that data over his wife, whether originally, Allah Hina doll Raja, the man has a degree of responsibility over his wife in that regard. And likewise, the man is the one who is most all over his whole family, he's responsible for his wife and his children. And therefore, in terms of his him being the well he the one in charge, the one responsible and his is the decision that is binding at the end of the day. But the first

methodology or the first step should be to reconcile between the two after a BAC will attach to MK a be your father, but don't disagree.

Be Your mother at the same at the same time. So now we come to another issue. And that is the issue of oil in a little olive oil in olive oil eating spending upon your parents. What's the ruling of spending upon your parents? And what's the ruling of the parents taking the child's money? What's the meaning of spending on the parents and what's the ruling of taking the child's money? For this we have a Heidi's the Heidi is on Javed Abdullah Viola and Houma and knowledge within Callie Allah swala in Nellie Marlin, while

we're in Abby, you redo NEH family for call until one locally epic, roll out new major

Javelin delay said that the man came to the Messenger of Allah Sai Solomon, he said, I have money, and I have children. And my father wants to take that money, he wants to take that money from me, the Prophet slicin said until a man look at a beak, you and your money are permissible. And if we find that here, the Lamb here doesn't mean you belong as such. But I mean, it's, it's allowed for your father. However, the amount of Islam they have some conditions and children if they mean or I'm allowed to Allah, He spoke about this.

And we can summarize it into three

areas that we need to talk about. So the first is the parent has the right for the child to spend upon them, and to use their wealth for them. Under certain conditions. The first condition is that the parent has a harder, harder tool while it erotic, the parent has a need for it. As for him taking that wealth for No need, or demanding that his children pay for things for him without there being a need, then this appears that this is not from the things that he can demand to take the children's money if he doesn't have a need for it. But if he has a need for it, then we come to the second issue, that if there is no data, there is no harm upon the child in that. So if the child is

left hungry, or the child is left having to beg, or the child is forced to lie, or to cheat, because of that they lost their money, then this is not permissible, because of the statement of the profits Isom La da da da da da da, there is no harm either deliberate, accidental.

And the third condition is that it should not be oppressive. And you there should be it should be with with fairness, and justice. And it should not be done to oppress like to take the wealth of one child to give it to the other child, or to take the wealth from one child in order to put pressure on them because you don't like what they've done for example, so it should not be the reason for the request should not be

oppression. And the way that the money is is used should not be with it should not be with oppression. And if those conditions are fulfilled, then this is when the parent has the right for their child to spend upon. They have a harder for that a need for it. And there's not a vote, although it's not a necessity, but I just have a need for it. We're not saying the parent is at a stage where they have nothing left to eat and they're in a state of being completely poor, but they have a habit they have a need for it. And it doesn't harm their child to give it a that the harm to the child that is the shadow harm doesn't happen to the child and that it's not being taken for the

purpose of oppression. Either to take it from them to push them into doing something or to take it from them to give to another to give to another child

and oma the Irish generated from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he said so La Jolla was send them in Ola to come here to La heliacal Yeah, Bali mega shot or in earthenware hub when he shot with the court. For whom what am one new home lecom either attached to LA ha

I generated from the profits isn't that he said that your children are a gift from Allah to you. And then he recited Yeah, what do you mean your shout with the NFL where you have when you in your shell call Allah gives wherever he wants females and gives whoever he wants male children is a gift. And we mentioned this before, in the topic of children. So they and their wealth is allowed for you elect commits for you. If you have a need for it, either attached to LA ha when you have a need for it. And so here, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he limited this and he restricted it to the time when there is a need for

For the parent with the parent has a need for it. As for the parent, just taking it like that. And we say that no, this is not what is indicated by the text, the text indicate that they should be hydrated while it in italic, the parents should have a need for it. So now we come to the issue of validating, if the parents have passed away, and here we're talking about the Muslim parent Now, during the lifetime will, Sahib homerville dunya that will offer if they're non Muslim, be around them, accompany them, give them good companionship in the dunya. As for when they die, then their rights cease along except one. And that is if there is no one left to bury them. If there is nobody

left to bury them except the Muslim child, then they have a right for the Muslim child to bury them. And that's taken from the duration of a luminary pilot, when the Prophet size and told him to go and bury his father because there was nobody who would take that responsibility and there was no one else to take responsibility except him. So here, the rights of the non Muslim parents, they cease at the time of death, when they pass away, they have no more right from you, except that one that is mentioned from Adam and epi pilot, which is that there is nobody else that is willing to take their funeral arrangements responsible for for their burial for burying them, then the Muslim child can

take the responsibility for doing that without any other religious practices only not to not in the way that other religions do. As for the Muslim parent know, they continue after the parent dies. And from this we have the Heidi thought Abdullayev and Omar la de la weinheimer. The Messenger of Allah Islam said, the prophet size M said Min arbordale bill from the greatest examples of Bill

and y'all seen our Roger Ella would be bad anyway. That for a person to keep good ties with the people that his father loved

after

he had passed away, and Hades is a Muslim and others

Subhana Allah, look at how amazing that the level of bitter validation is. That even when the father passes away, that the the, the son or the daughter looks after the Friends of the Father, to people who the father was friends with and the people who the father loved and was close to

they still keep ties with them and they still look after them and they give them they take care of them. They even take care of their father's friends and their mother's friends after they pass away.

And people say Malika but Robbie Serra de he said

bainer national en de la Sol la sala LA and he was selling them if Johor Roger min Benny selama

farrakhan he said that when we were with the Messenger of Allah sallallahu and he was send them a man from Benny selama came and he said he said yes hello. Hello Bucky I mean Billy Abba way Yoshi Abou mappy by demo t Hema said O Messenger of Allah. Is there anything left after my parents pass away that I can be to build towards him better while he then after they pass away? On an arm he said yes. Or Salatu Allah humor you can make to Allah for them. While is still far Allah Houma and you can ask forgiveness for them what in further it him and you can fulfill the promises or the agreements that they have made mean back to him after they have passed away was similar to Rahim,

Allah tala to salute him. And you keep ties with the family members, that the link between you and them is through the parents. What a crime also directly Hema, and that you are generous and kind to their to their friends. Some of the earlier Matt, they said this Heidi is Heidi from life, it has a weakness in it. However, the points mentioned are all valid, the points mentioned are all valid and it's an excellent summary of the points

in terms of what you can do for the parent after they pass away. So first of all, you can make to ask for them, you can seek forgiveness for them, you can fulfill the promises and oath that they had made after the day. You can keep ties with the relatives that use the ties between you and them or your parents or you. The parents is the reason why you keep those ties and you can be good to their friends and the people that they and the people that they loved. And as we said some of the some of the LMR D mentioned this Heidi has a weakness in it but the principle is valid. And we can add to that also, sidecar on their behalf and a hedge and an umbrella on their behalf. And these are

This also mentioned in either a Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam so that's what we have time for in this episode. In the next episode we're going to talk about how the seller of Assad rahima whom Allah used to do better while it in some examples of good early Deen in the self. So emsella examples are better Wiley Dean in de Silva slighly Rahim Allah to Allah and I found that to be an amazing topic when I was researching it. So we hope that inshallah will be of benefit for everyone. That's what Allah made easy for me to mention and Allah knows best was Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad Ali, you're so happy Ah,

Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to a m au add home.com