Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
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leeuw and hamdulillah lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam. ala rasulillah Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa salam wa Alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatu. We begin as always, with the praise of Eliza gel, we ask Allah azza wa jal to exalt the mentioned grant peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions, we are talking about the rights of the husband, the rights of the wife, and we are right in the middle of a discussion on the husband's spending upon his wife, and we'd spoken about the first right which is the right of the mouth, the right of the spending upon the wife, for them or her at the time of marriage, and the
time that they first become alone together, any situation in which intimacy can occur, and that that, that's where the rate of unethical begins the rate of the mouth, we now come to a hadith narrated by Imam Muslim and ebihara Allah and the Prophet size them, he said, Idina that you spend for the sake of Allah IE,
Jihad feasability la, you spend to prepare the Muslim army or to support the Muslim army, a dinar that you spend freeing a slave, a dinar, that you give in sadaqa, to a poor person, and a dinar you spend upon your family, then the prophet SAW Selim, he said our thermal her agile are the greatest in reward. So let me ask you to pause the video which one of those has the biggest reward Dena Edina, so a single gold coin that you give you one of those coins, it goes FISA vilella one of it goes to three a sleeve, one of it it goes to a poor person, and one of it goes to feed your family. It goes to spend upon your family and so to feed them to spend upon them their clothing, their food,
which of those is the greatest insight of Allah? What do you think?
So inshallah you pause the video how to think the profit slice instead of a Mohajer a levy and factor Who is the one that is the greatest reward is the one you spent upon your family.
And it seems analyze which one was best, but one of the reasons for this is that spending upon the family as we said, is an obligation upon the person whereas the others could all be voluntary.
In it to a certain extent and the the feasibility law here, it can be a voluntary contribution. The dean of that a person gives to a poor person can be a voluntary contribution. The denial and freeing a slave can be a voluntary contribution, but the obligation of spending upon the family is one which is very serious in the sight of Allah is a noble Heidi a Muslim narrated from Abbey Road, and bedri Ravi Allahu I need to be sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and no cut either. enfocado rajguru Allah Allah He never went to Cebu her cabinet level sadhak
the Prophet slicin said if a man spends upon his family, and he is expecting the reward for that, it will be a sadhaka for him. And Abby, hooray robiola one rated Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said ma'am in your in your spirit, a bird or fee Illa Allah cannae Nz lanie fer qu a Hydra Houma Allah out you move your car along the outtie Moon Falcon however, we are cool along the moon so you can tell her I'd be horribly wrong Oh viola, underrated that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said there is no day in which the servants wake up in the morning or reach the morning except that there are two angels that come down. One of them says or Allah give the one that spends either want
to spend in fact, give the one who spends a replacement for what he spends.
And another angel says Oh Allah, give the one who hold with holds doesn't spend upon his family. Telephone make his his wealth destroyed or make it ruined, give him ruin ruin him.
Subhana Allah that is also not only talking about the reward, we talked about the reward of giving the fact that it's a sadhaka the fact that it is album, agile, it's it's it's the Alamo. hajra angula the biggest
reward in the sight of Allah. But look at what these two angels say. And the moon filk. Here, it can be all kinds of nuts, because it's a general word, but from the most from the most important often effort part of the spending is the spending of a man upon his wife. And these two angels, they come down to one of them says, voila, the one who spends, give him halifa, in other words, replaces wealth, replenish his wealth for him. And the one who withholds ruin him, ruin him and ruin his wealth. So Paula, that could be a reason why a person's wealth is restricted, because they are not spending upon the people that it is worship for them to spend upon, such as their wife, their
children, and their parents and so on. And they're not spending upon the people that they're that it's worship upon them to spend upon. So our lives or Jo brings them ruin in their wealth. And that could be like a loss of wealth or bankruptcy, or poverty that comes to them. Or tellef can also be when something is ruined. You know, you had good wealth, like you had crops and they got disease. And they they became, they became ruined, and they became lost Subhanallah or you had money and that money was stolen. All of these things are things that could happen because a person doesn't take responsibility for the nethercott the things that they're supposed to spend. Our next Heidi is Heidi
narrated by Hurricane Maria alcl Sherry, and Abby are available Allahu anhu color qu jasola la Mahaprabhu Zoo jetty, Idina LA.
He said, la the Allahu anhu or messenger of Allah, what is the right of one of our wives over us? of our wives? What right does she have over us? The prophets lie Sam said in the Hadith is narrated by Abu Dhabi, what he said and talked to him or her either into what text suha he that he that Teresita or he said erecta Scepter. While at Halle Berry bill wedge while to cut,
while I drew a laughing bait, he said her right over you is that you feed her when you feed yourself. And you close her, when you close yourself, or he said when you earn
when you close yourself or when you earn and that you don't strike her on the face, and that you don't say horrible words to her that
you don't say to her hubby horrible words, and you don't abandon her, ie turn away from her except within the house. There are a number of rights here we wanted to highlight obviously the issue of an Africa that the definition is very beautifully laid out here, that when you feed yourself, you feed her. And we spoke in the IDS right back in the beginning of the series and the hadith of ohm Zahra about the man who she said about her husband that either Akela left, that when he eats, he sweeps up the whole plate. He takes everything on the plate. When he eats it takes everything on the plate. That's different from what the prophet sighs upset. When you eat, you feed her. So maybe the man
doesn't have enough food for the family all the time. But if his wife's not eating, he's not eating. And if he's eating his wife's eating, and when he gets clothes for himself, he gets clothes, he gets clothes for her and claws are different from place to place. Definitely among the Arabs in time the Prophet size and it might be the case that you had many times material that could be used for a man or woman in the sense it would be worn differently or it would be different things could be made from it. But many materials could be used for ideas. Some were only for women like the red.
The the red material that we have in the highlands of Alabama abitata probably allow and others
but in here, close could be different for different cultures, different situations. You know, but at the end of the day, when he gets clothes for himself, he thinks of his wife does she need clothes and he gets her what she needs. Or the Heidi says that he gets clothes for her when he earns a when he brings money and he has some extra money. He looks at whether she needs some clothing and he buys clothes for her. Now when it comes for another part, we said that they're defined by our own by what is customary and they define no doubt by need. New because ultimately it's not about him buying extra an extra an extra all the time. That is a son that is that is an act of excellence towards his
wife to buy her extra claws extra food extra kindness. We talked about this in the Hadees up on Zara
The husband who spent upon her to her ears were heavy with jewelry, and so on. This is sand is an act of excellence towards the wife, however, looking at her need, and that's why when the scholars talk about unethical art, they talk about spending upon the family members, they look at the need, different family members need things at different times, sometimes your children need things, sometimes one needs something, the other one doesn't need something. And that's why in an Africa, it's not always the case that there has to be a test where there has to be complete similarity, for example, between the different children in Africa in spending, because it can sometimes be the case
that one child needs something the other one doesn't, and so on. And we're going to talk about a man with more than one wave that will come in Sharla later on, because that's it a special case. But when it comes to never cut, spending upon
a wife or family members, then we look at the person's need, we look at what is customary, and we look at what the man has available to him. So these are three things that are kind of setting the scene for the husband's spending upon his wife, the custom, which includes who he is, who she is, where they live, the time they live in. We look at the situation of the husband in terms of his current financial situation. And we look at the need of the wife was she in need of what's important for her right now? What does she need at this moment in time. So these are all things to bear in mind. From that we had some excellent characteristics mentioned by the prophet SAW something he
doesn't hear on the face. And we know the prohibition in that generally, and we're going to talk about hitting later on. And he doesn't speak easily to water, or even to Kobe, while at Kobe, could also refer to him belittling her in speech, I'm making a feel low and biting, but you're biting your head off. Like we had in the Heidi, that Zara that she said that she spoke. And she said that he didn't make this, this
this kind of statements about me he didn't I used to speak freely, and he would not find fault with me and make me feel terrible. Or say horrible things to me these are all from this word. And the last etiquette and this is very important is that he feels the need to abandon her IE to distance himself from her. And that we're going to talk about in marital discord inshallah, to Allah, this must be kept within the household. And Allah Allah how this is important this is that this could be the one thing that could save a person's marriage, that when you fight, when you have arguments when you're distant from each other, let it be filled beat in that house. In fact better than that, let
it be in the room. Let it not spread to anyone, not the children, not the in laws, not the world and not Facebook and everybody else say let it remain between the husband and between the wife that when they have an argument, let neither side involve anyone else. Unless there is a shadow a reason to do so. And that is very rare to be honest, because the Sharia doesn't advocate getting other people involved until quite late on in the process. And we're going to talk about the process of marital Discord. But this since it came up in the Heidi's What a joke 11 bait, don't let him
abandon her except within the house. So there's some discord between them, let it remain between them and why the husband and wife so quickly they forgive each other. Which I've been jalapeno Kuma tamarama, we made between you love and mercy so easily. But once the mother in law is involved, the sister in law is involved for law and is involved I learned is involved. The whole world knows about it. It's very, very hard for the marriage to recover after that. It's not impossible, but it's very difficult and it puts a lot of obstacles in place. Let the hedger let the distance and the issues and the fights and whatever happen privately between the husband and wife within the house. And
allies origin will bring them out of that with the MOA de and the rahama the love and the mercy that he put between them. So even though we get to talk more about this inshallah to Allah in the topic of marital discord, it's very important that it came in this Heidi so let's highlight it unless you know sort of make sure that a message has reached everybody inshallah Tada.
We now have a hadith in Sahih, Muslim from Joburg and similar that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said either are por la who are heard. They're called
Hi, I'm Dr. Philip de bFc, we're LGBT. If Allah gives some good eye money here higher refers to wealth, like the statement of Allah azzawajal, we're in the holy hook Bill hiree lasha did. Indeed he is towards the love of wealth very strong, so higher here and allies or generals best it means a man. If Allah gives wealth to one of you, let him begin with himself and his family. Well, Heidi thought, if you saw a Muslim to Heidi this in Sahih, Muslim, let him begin with himself and his family. And that is that at the end of the day, yes, we are a people of sada. Zakah is a pillar from the Pillars of Islam. And sidecar is a sign from the signs and under Sharia, the public open signs
that define who Muslims are. But a person really truly believes that charity begins at home, let him first of all, look at his family, do they need anything? Do they have their need for something? Can he do some assign to them by giving them something, and then let him look at the society and what the people need after that, and of course, he doesn't fall short in his in his obligations. But he looks to make sure that his family are covered, then he looks outside because family is the first responsibility even in the zakat. And the Zakat has rules about who you can and can't give it to. And broadly speaking, you can't give us a car to someone that it is obligatory for you to spend upon
normally. So you can't give it to your wife because you're already obliged to spend upon her. And you can't give it to your child because you're already obliged to spend upon them. And you can't give it to a parent because you're already obliged to spend upon them. But you look to the family that you're not obliged to spend upon, could be a sibling, cousin, whatever. And if they are in need of the car, then they are older, they are more deserving of it. So you begin with yourself and your household and you look outwards like that. And that's not just to encourage selfishness, but that's doing cover to meet to make sure that to encourage to make sure that a person is home situation is
settled. And then they look out to give to the people outside of that. And that doesn't mean being excessive.
You know, like Elijah said in a movie theater can one a Sheltie the people who waste their wealth are the brothers of the shelter and the brothers of the devil's it's not about being excessive, but it's about looking to make sure that their family are covered first and realizing that sadhaka starts at home. You know that famous statement that everyone says charity begins at home this hadith of jab Raven similar in Sahih Muslim is evidence for that failure. Det BNF see what LGBT let him begin with himself and let him begin with his household before he looks outwards to the other people that he would like to give to our next hydrotherapy Hooray, oh todo De La Hoya and who I know call
call Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in new heritage Island, Huckleberry Fein Aliyah team. Well, Mara, this hadith is in
Harken, and others, and it is the hidey hole ebihara. To the Messenger of Allah SLM, said, that I, he emphasized strongly, he emphasized strongly that I am putting on putting pressure on you, I am
conveying to you the seriousness of the right of the two week ones, the orphan, and the woman. So the Prophet sighs elemis warning the man not to fall short in the rights of his wife.
And this is particularly as we're going to speak about the writer in Africa, spending is one of the major rights that the man has to fulfill major obligations that a man has to fulfill the Prophet slicer, let me took it seriously. He said, I'm going to convey to you the seriousness
of the right of the two week ones, the orphan and the woman, meaning These are two people who typically, if the man
was not fearing Allah azzawajal it might be the case that he would see it to be something easy to oppress them. What's my wife gonna say? If I don't spend on her? What's she gonna do? Where's she gonna go? Who's she going to run away to, you know, so he might get that kind of attitude. So the Prophet sighs me made it very clear to him that this is a serious right, and that there is a serious burden upon a person to look after the people who might otherwise not be able to get their rights. And this is important because a person might say well in the months ahead of 100
Or does that not give him the ability to oppress his wife? Or does that not put them in a situation where he has the potential to abuse his responsibility at the Prophet size and emphasize the severity of this, and likewise, the orphan who also without having a father would be in a situation where he might be liable to people taking advantage of him. So don't take advantage of your wife in the market, in spending or in anything else. That's why we brought this particular this particular Hadeeth in this particular place, to warn against a volume and to warn against people taking it easy as it relates to spending, and more specifically the hadith of Abdullah Omar in Sahih. Muslim katha
Bill Maher ifma, a Yang besar and many Emily Kakuta. He said that the Prophet sighs lm said, it is sufficient for a person as a sin, to withhold from the one that he holds their provision. And he's required to spend upon them. So she is waiting for him to give food for her. She's waiting for him to buy clothes for her. She's waiting for him to pay the rent for the bill for her house. And he holds that money back. Khafre Bill Maher, if that's enough of a sin for him, meaning that sin could be the sin that takes him to Gehenna what he will, because he holds back his wealth from the ones that he is obliged to spend upon and the ones that are waiting for him to spend upon and expecting
for him to spend upon and the highs, very severe situation that a man withholds again, according to what his ability has, we're not asking a man to spend from something that he doesn't have, but for him to withhold. And we have some men who are spending on things they don't need for themselves for other things they don't need, and they're not taking care of the people who are expecting them to spend upon them. So that matter is quite a serious situation. And I show the love and how she narrated and the Hadith in Bukhari and Muslim. She said, de highlight hynd been to Earth in Morocco Abu sufian Allah Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for college era so a lot in Abba Sophia and
Roger launcher here. I just said that Hint, Hint, or to the wife of Abby, Sophia and she entered upon the Messenger of Allah sighs me She said, O Messenger of Allah. vn is a man who is stingy. ly you are Queenie, Mina Neff aka Mayock, Fini, whack fi Benia. Illa have to be manly, he be violating me. She said, he doesn't give me enough spending, for what suffices me and my children, except if I take it from his wealth without his permission, or without his knowledge for halali Effie Valley coming junuh so do i is there any blame upon me, if I take from his wealth without his knowledge, because he doesn't give me enough to suffice myself and my children, the car Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam who the mallee he Bill Maher off may ik fi Wi Fi, Wi Fi panic. The prophets lie Selim, he said, take from his wealth bill now, according to custom, according to what is good and what is customary. What is enough for you and your children. Don't take more than what you are allowed what is normal, but you can take from his wealth, it's just holding it back is not giving it take from his wealth, what is enough for you and your children will matter off. So the situation is so serious that a woman is even allowed to take. So an example of that, let me give an example which so we don't misunderstand, the woman is going in and taking from the husband's wallet, just money on
spending left, right and center. This is a situation where the basic needs are not being met. She needs to pay for food. And he's not giving it he has the money. It's not that he's not eating himself. He has the money but it's all okay, I'm not gonna give it to you. I have other things I might need it for whatever she goes, she buys the basic necessities that are normal for her for her children. And she pays with her husband's money. And he comes back and says, Well, I didn't give you permission for this. She said, Well, I asked you You didn't give me what was enough for myself, the children which is the basic needs that we have. for them. The issue is is that serious me that she's
even though she's not normally allowed to do so. If he is withholding the money that never caught the spending, to the extent that the basic needs are not being met, then that is a matter where she can go she can take that. But I would recommend in this that assistant in this situation should ask that people have knowledge about her situation, because people's understanding of this might lead them to go overboard and take from the husband's money without even having a right in the sight of Allah azza wa jal because she heard
Do you have what is a norm? It might be way too much, and husband, she might not be taking into account husband's needs and her husband's situation financially. So she should ask and make sure like hint around the law, why not ask the Prophet sighs Hello about it. So she should also ask the people of knowledge about it, to be careful that she doesn't go over the limits that are set by a lot as origin. In that we now come to the issue of
the the provision of accommodation and this is something very important in the religion of Islam and it's something which causes a great deal of issues in a marriage. And this isn't the statement of law as the origin and the idea in sort of pile up i a number six, in which allies are just askin ohana mean hateful. So Ken to me, would you
let them live from where you yourselves live out of the provision that you have. So here Allah azzawajal commands for a man to provide accommodation for his wife. Again, we're going to say about accommodation, the same thing that we said about enough aka generally spending in general, that it goes back to if it goes back to what is normal, what is expected that norms and expectations of the society, the kind of woman she is the kind of man that he is, what resources he has available, what she needs, and so on. However, one of the rights and the hub of the drum roll drum Horrell Ola, from the Han efia, and the share fairy, and the high Nabila and others, the method of the majority of
their lemma is that a woman has the right to her own private accommodation. And this is an area where so many issues have happened.
And that is because in many cultures, it is expected for a woman to live with her in laws. Now, it's not haram for a woman to live with her in laws. But the basic principle in Islam is that she has a right to her own house, and her own accommodation, according to what is customary,
if she agrees to forego that, and she is happy to live with it in laws, there is no issue here. But there has been a culture of what can only be described as mass enslavement of wives, who become literally slaves, like an AMA, like a slave to her mother in law. She, he literally waits on her mother in law, hand and foot, and the husband sees it that he has the right to just forego his responsibility towards his mother. And don't, he doesn't look at what his mother's needs are. But he expects that his wife will do that, and that she will live with the mother in law. And this is something which as we said, while the concept is not necessarily Haram, and while a wife should
assist her husband in better way leading in looking after his parents, the issue here is extreme in many cases.
Rather, a wife has the right to her own accommodation. And that is the opinion of the vast majority of the scholars of Islam. So the solution is for article lady, happy haka, give everyone who has a right over you there, right. So if she asked her own accommodation, let the husband strive hard and work hard to get her own accommodation. It could be next to his parents, so that it's easy for him to go and do better why the dean and her to go and support him in that. And there's nothing wrong with that rather, that's part of obedience to husband. There's nothing wrong with that. But what we see is in this is that many people go to extremes, which are from any from the most severe examples
of a victim of oppression, and that the husband doesn't take any care to stop his family from oppressing his wife or his wife from pressing his family. And he loses control of the situation. But what is obligatory upon him is to fear allies or gel with regard to everyone with regard to his mother, with regard to his father, with regard to his household with regard to his wife to give each one there right. And for him to see his responsibility as being the primary one and then his wife's responsibility. So he should give her own accommodation if she wishes. She's happy to live with the inlaws. There's nothing wrong with that inshallah, what if she's happy with that, and he should
provide her some privacy in that situation as much as is possible and if she changes her mind, she has the right to ask for her own accommodation, but she should be patient with her husband. And this is the balance she should be patient with.
She should wait. Understanding this can take some time for him to do that. She should be willing for the house if it needs to be nearby to where the parents are. And she should be helping along with his parents to serve Him by serving his parents and there's no harm in that inshallah. But let it not reach an extreme, because a little viral Matsuyama piano, that oppression is a darkness on the Day of Resurrection And none of us want to have that oppression.
Or to be from those people who oppress others, as in the Hadees of Jeremy Abdullah, a Muslim that the prophet SAW Some said fighting Vollmer. valamar to your milky ama. He said that volume oppression is a darkness, your milky armor. It is a darkness, Yom Okayama. So it's a very serious, a very serious matter. We're going to cover one more matter insha Allah to Allah before we conclude it's still on topic of an Africa or an Abbe hora errata and indeed we saw a lot more and he was send them I know call men can at home right I turn from Allah Allah a Heidi Hema J. Au malkia Mati worship qu ma L.
IV hire underrated and Heidi visit Abby download from the profit slice and under whoever has two wives.
And he inclines towards one of them, he will come on the Day of Judgment with one of his sides, man, like it's
leaning down, or it's
like one side of him is, is twisted. It's not it's not straight. It's not like he's not equally proportioned. yamaki Allah, one of his sides is hanging down, because he was not fair between his wives. So there's no doubt that Islam has given a man permission to marry more than one wife with certain conditions and certain rules and regulations. And the one that we want to cover right here is that he should be fair as regards to his time, and as regard to his spending time and spending as for his heart and his love and which one he loves more Are they any is a matter that's not really in his control. And it's not something Allah will punish him for, but he should be equal as it relates
to time and money. So the Prophet size seven love the eyeshadow, viola and her out of his wives that he had after her digital viola, and he loved it more than any of them. And that's why when he was asked, Who do you love the most, he said Ayesha. And then they said from among the men, and he said her father, Abubakar will be alone. So ultimately, the prophet sighs I'm loved Ayesha like that. And even though his other wives were there, he said to Asia, that I'm like you I am towards you, like, like a bizarre was to observe and some of the scholars will have a different hotjar he mentioned that he said this in front of all of his co wives. So the matters of the heart is not a matter that
a man can control. But time and money is what a man is required to be fair in. And that's why as it relates to time, he's not allowed to stay with one wife in the time that is for the other wife, and he is not also allowed to be unfair in his spending upon them. So here this is where we brought it is as it relates to the right of spending that if he has more than one wife, that he should be fair, and he should not be leaning towards one over the other as it relates to the issue of spending. So that's what we have time for in this episode, inshallah huhtala winner now are going to come on to the rights that are obligations of the woman and her rights towards the husband because we spent
this time talking about the Nef aka the man spending upon his wife, there are others but we're just going to try and take him like that like a bit from here and a bit from there. So we're now going to look at how the how the wife approaches the obligations towards the husband after we spoke about the husband, obligation of spending and providing accommodation and the related rules around that. We're now going to talk about the wife and her obligations towards her husband and inshallah we will cover more of the husbands obligations and the wife's obligations as we go through the course inshallah tada that's what a lot made easy for me to mention. And Allah knows best wa Salatu was Salam ala
nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi h mine,
a Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses, we're going to be wanting to make sure you head over to am [email protected]