The Muslim Family #16 – A Perfectly Balanced Marriage
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
File Size: 20.70MB
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leeuw and handling Alhamdulillah europian alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was suli Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi h Marin Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. We begin by praising Allah by asking Allah to exalt the mentioned in grant peace to our messenger, Mohammed Sall, Allahu Allah, He will send them to his family and his companions.
In this short course, brought to you by Al madrasa tutor Maria on the Muslim family, we are in the middle of looking at the rights of the husband and the rights of the wife. And we mentioned that some of these rights are roughly equivalent, in the sense that they are broadly the same right for the husband, and the same for the wife, and that those rights that have equivalents there may be some differences, it may not be more method or term absolute equivalence, but generally there are some rights in which they are equivalent. There are other rights however, which are more in the sense of being opposite to one another or contrasting rights. One has a right and the other one has
a right which contrasts or, or sits opposite that right. And there are rights also which are individual to the husband and the wife, it might be more difficult for us to fit into particular to a particular pattern. But let's begin by talking about some of the rights which are in opposite to one another. And we have a hadith from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, which indicate this so we have the Heidi's of armor and the Hadeeth is in a tirmidhi and unnecessary in which he said the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Allah, Allah in local Allah and he said you can have what he needs Sir yquem la comme haka for a mahakal come Allah Nisa yquem la or plein air
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The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Indeed,
you have over your wives rights, and your wives have rights over you. The reason I brought this, Heidi, first of all is it shows you that contrasting
or those contrasting rights how those rights sit opposite one another, your wives have rights over you, you have rights over them, you have rights over them, they have rights over you.
As for your rights over your wives, it is that they do not allow to, to to to sit upon your bed, those whom you dislike, nor do they allow into your house, those whom you dislike in the Hadith continues. Allah will have hoonah alikum
and to see no la hiner Viki, Swati hiner, water army him
indeed, they're right over you is that you do good to them as it relates to their clothing, and their food. So here we have two sets of rights. Now, this is only one Hadeeth. And as we are going to hear the rights are many. And it's very important that we take a principle here that we gather together a Hadeeth on a single topic. And we don't make any final judgments on a topic until we've seen as many of the Heidi's on that topic as we can gather. So it's not for a person to look at this Hadeeth and say the only right that the husband has is that the wife doesn't let anyone into the home or doesn't let anyone sit on the bed or the sofa that he doesn't like. And the only right that
the wife has over the husband is the clothing and the food. Rather this Heidi simply talks about two sets of contrasting or two sets of if even we can say complimentary rights that sit opposite one another. So the right here of the husband is that the wife doesn't allow someone into his home that he would dislike and that has to be understood in the context of Islam and the laws and rules of Islam. But since he is the one that is provided his wife with a home and we're going to come to that topic and shall align the rights of the wife, we could talk about that inshallah to Allah, then it is from his right that she doesn't let people into his home in his absence, that he would not like
to come in. And now we're not talking about people who would be harmed to come in in the first place. We're not
Talking about someone who was, for example, not on her arm or something like that we're just talking about someone who from among the women from among the family members of the wife who it would not be prohibited for that person to come in. But she knows that the husband would not like that. And it doesn't enter into the Haram, it's not a matter of the harem. And so it is permissible for that person to come by since the husband doesn't like for that person to come, it's not allowed for her one of the rights of the husband is that she doesn't let somebody into the house, or let someone sit on the bed that he would not like. And that's part of obedience to the husband as part of his right
as the one who is providing the accommodation. And likewise, the kind of contrasting right with that is the husband has a son towards his wife, and we set it aside is to exceed expectations and to do good and to, you know, the best of speech, the best of manners, the best of actions. And this air sign is with regard to her clothing and her food. And we said that the basic framework is laid out by the sherea sherea lays out the framework of what is expected in terms of the basics, food, clothing, but what kind of food and what kind of clothing that is understood what as your ohana, Bill Maher have lived together with them, according to what is customary. Each person in each
different country in each different time, each different man and each different woman will have a different set of standards as it relates to food and clothing. And what it should be is we should look at the what's the middle standard, the normal standard for that kind of person, for that kind of man, that kind of woman, that kind of time, that kind of country. And we can understand that the husband has to provide clothing has to provide food for his wife. And there are further sort of definitions for that in the Sharia, which we're going to come to inshallah to Allah and subsequent IDs, which is that she eats from the food that he himself eats from and that he clothes her in the
way that he would call himself so the way that he would take care of himself and the standard he expects for himself. At least that is the minimum that he would give to his wife as well and we're going to come to that in a subsequent eyeteeth inshallah to Allah. We now come to the Hadeeth of jabber in Sahih Muslim, which again gives us a nice con sort of comparison or contrast between different rates. And that is the statement of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in hedgetrimmer, in which he said for total love in Nisa, have Taqwa of Allah with regard to your women and we said that taqwa is one of the mutual or equivalent rights which both have to have Taqwa with
regard to allies or gel for in regard to the other spouse. For indeed for in naquin for in nachum, I have two more nebia Manila for you have taken those women in the cat through the care of a lion their responsibility given to you by Allah was the Hillel term for all Johanna became a Tina and their private parts became permissible for you, by the words of Allah, Weller como la hin and this is the bit that I want to hear your right over them. And you're fit enough autoshack on a high identical ohana that you don't they don't let anyone come into your room, sit on your bed sit on your sofa that you don't like for environmental valic. And if they do this for every boohoo Nabarro
panorama battery, if they do this, then you can hit them in a way that doesn't leave any mark or cause any pain. Now we're going to come to the issue of a man hitting his wife in the issue of marital discord because this requires considerable explanation and time, and we don't want to get ahead of ourselves and Amanda take that, and to start beating his wife, or for a woman to take that and misunderstand it. So we want to put that in the proper context. So we'll come to that inshallah in its proper time. But I want to come to the next part of the Hadeeth what ahuna la comm risco network is worth 200 billion that roof, and they have a right over you that you provide for them.
And you close them, Bill now roof and we said my roof can mean the good actions, good statements, and beautiful character. And it can also mean what is normal and what is customary. So here are the two contrasting rates. And we're not going to talk about the hitting at this moment in time, because as we said, This requires to understand it properly so that it isn't misunderstood. And we don't have people crossing the limits that are set by Allah azzawajal with regard to that, so we're going to talk about the two contrasting rights, the right that the woman she doesn't allow people into her
husband's home, that he would dislike, and he provides for her, and clothes her according to what is customary and what is known and what is good.
And her not letting people into the home that he would dislike is part of what Allah azza wa jal said half ivatan, little IB, p Mahaffey, the law
that they are. And we mentioned the I A, we have mentioned the ayah previously, that those women, God in their husbands absence, what Allah would have them God, and one of the things that they got is the husbands property, and the husband's home. So the husband goes away. And and, you know, particularly in the past moreso than today, husbands might go away for several months at a time, they may go to fight to be a part of the army, they may go for business, they may go for tolerable, or some other reason for months at a time. And now they come back, they need to know while they're away, that that house is being kept to the same standard that they would have hoped if they were to
be there. And it's not the case that when the husband goes away, the wife opens the door to allow things to happen in the home that the husband would not like to happen. And in return, you get that contrast, you would expect that the husband will provide both a home for his wife, he will provide clothing for his wife, and he's going to provide food for his wife. So this is an example of those contrasting rights that kind of sit opposite one another.
Now, we're going to come to a rather long topic, where we're going to get into the details of the husband's obligation to spend upon his wife. I think this is very important, because this is one of the major obligations that our husband has to spend upon his wife for what we call an infarct or unethical, the right to spend the right to provide for his wife. And it doesn't matter whether she's rich or poor. She might be very rich, but she still has the right for her husband to spend upon it. And some people misunderstand that. And they might even misunderstand it from the Hadeeth, Tonka humara. Actually out of that email he had. The woman is married for one of four things, including
her wealth. And they may think that that means that if a woman is wealthy, the husband doesn't have to spend it. That's not the case. Islam clearly stipulates that the right of the wife over the husband is her risk her plan her kiswa, her clothing, her food, her provision her home, that is the right of the wife. And it doesn't matter whether she owns homes of her own, whether she has property, whether she is very wealthy, whether she has, you know, money to buy expensive clothes, it's still her right that her husband should provide that for her. And we're going to talk about how this sits opposite rights like intimacy between the husband and the wife. So this is a very
important right that the husband has to discharge this obligation and fulfill this obligation. But first of all, how do we limit this or how do we understand this in the light of the Sharia. So we're going to go through a number of different texts that relate to an ethical, the husband's spending upon the wife, Allah azza wa jal said, Leone, though sir, it means that it women could arrive early here is school for Yun mimma Hola, la you can live Allah who never sent a llama at ha ha ch Allah will also use ra in sort of talaq Ayah number six or iron number seven. Allah azzawajal said, Let the one who is wealthy spend from his wealth, and whether His provision has been restricted I
whoever is poor or not wealthy, let him spend from what Allah has given him. A law does not a burden a person except with what he has given them, a law will make ease after difficulty. So, this ayah is a clear proof that the husband is required to spend upon the wife whether he is rich or whether he is poor, but he is required to spend in accordance with what means he has available to him. No doubt before marriage, this is something that should be given consideration. And I don't say it should be the be all and end all or the final decision. But consideration should be given as to compatibility in terms of finances, because the Prophet Solomon said you I'm not a shadow Chabad minister, I'm in
Cornwall, but at affiliate is a witch or group of young men, whoever of you is able financially let him get married. So there should be some consideration. And we shouldn't be extreme in this requiring a man to have, you know, a Daniela
You have everything in the world before he gets married. But it should be the case that proper consideration is given to make sure that the wife knows the kind of ability that the husband has in terms of finances, and the husband understands what his wife expects in terms of that. But it's sometimes the case that there may be compatibility when they got married, perhaps the woman, she has a father who's wealthy, and she's used to having plenty of nice things. And she marries a husband who is also wealthy. But there comes a time when his wealth becomes restricted, and his wealth becomes limited, and he's no longer able to spend on her. So she comes to complain, we say the lies
are just said loom filled with all ceratin massarotti. Let the one who has wealth spend from his wealth, and if there comes a time when the wealth becomes restricted, and let him spend out of what he has. So they sometimes happens, the man doesn't isn't as wealthy as he used to be. Let him spend out of what he has, and let his wife see that he's not being stingy. He's not withholding that nataka from her that spending from her. Rather what he's doing is he's giving her according to what he has, according to what he has, and according to the ability that Allah has given him, and she should be patient and he should be patient, that inshallah Allah subhanaw taala will make things
easy for them again, after they were limited and restricted. So she has no, she should have an expectation that her husband will spend upon her according to what he has, not only according to how she is. So we said, we talked about an oath, we talked about what is customary, is not just about how she is a woman like her in her place in society in her country, but it's also about the provision that is available to him. A lot of that is decided and thought about and given consideration before marriage, but also a woman when she gets married to her husband, she understands that there might be times when finances go up and down. And she should expect at a
minimum that our husband will give what he has available to give. And not every time Will he be able to meet the original standards that might have been set when they first got married. Because money comes and money goes and that's from what Allah subhanaw taala has written for every person.
And Allah azzawajal said, highlighting the importance of the Natha the spending or region or more now Island Nisa up my father Allahu Allahu Allah about walima and felco Minh and Wally asylee hydrocone Titan piny tattoo and have a lot of little ABB Mahaffey, the law.
And I, Eliza, which has said that men are coworker moon, they have Kawashima and here, the coma is the responsibility that the man has at the head of the family. And there's a lot of discussion that the scholars of Tafseer have about what this kawana means. However, here, I'm just gonna, I'm not going to dwell on it as much because we can come back to it later. But we're going to talk about the pulwama referring to the fact that the man has responsibility and authority. So in Islam, a man is the head of the household. And we're not embarrassed to say that, because ultimately we are Muslim, all of us submitting to Allah subhanaw taala. A man being head of the household doesn't mean you'll
be above his wife in gender. Nor does it mean that she is less as an individual in the sight of Allah than him. It simply means that Allah as so jealous, organized this society with the best organization. And he has organized it such that the man because of the characteristics that men typically have, is going to be the one who is going to be Rob busara, the head of the family, and the one who's managing the household. And that is the coma that he has over a woman. And that doesn't mean again that it's an excuse to oppressor. We're going to talk about that even at the end of the IR Eliza we just had in the LA Cana Ali and Kabira. Indeed, Allah azza wa jal is most high
and most great, and that is intended to put fear into a put into a man that he would consider abusing that position that he has been given, because ultimately, everyone will be asked about the positions of responsibility that they have been given by allies, which has given him a degree of responsibility, because of what a lot preferred some over others, either qualities that ally gave to the men that made them suitable for this kawana for this responsibility. Does that mean that every single man will necessarily embody all of those qualities, not necessarily, because we're different between each other, but generally, men as a whole have been given certain qualities that make them
To have that authority within the household. And again, ultimately, authority belongs to Allah. He gives it to whoever he wants, he takes it from whoever he wants, and all of us exercise whatever authority we have, in obedience to Allah. So no man commands his wife to do harm, nor does any woman obey her husband in that which is harm, nor does she seek to disobey Allah, by disobeying him and so on and so forth. Because ultimately it's our obedience to Allah that matters. But Allah has given me my father in law, who Baba whom Allah, Allah has preferred and Allah azza wa jal has chosen a man to have certain qualities and that's a form of that grace from Allah subhanaw taala that gives gifts to
whoever he wants whenever he wants. So panel to Allah and he's not asked about what he gives. Jennifer Allah, we don't ask no one is going to come to Allah and ask allies or gel. Why did you give this and why did you give that? HEC Martin Burleigh infinite wisdom that I lost a parent out of house. But here the reason we brought this is this place where Bheema m felco, Minh and Wiley him. And the second reason that men have a degree of responsibility that men first of all the qualities that men typically have, and secondly, the fact that they spend out of their wealth.
So this spending is one of the two things that gives a man the ability to be the head or the right to be the head of the family, and the one who is making the decisions, and the one who is generally running the household.
And that shows you how important him spending upon his family is how important and how seriously he has to take that responsibility. And then the women who are righteous who are obedient to their husbands connotative can mean obedience to a lie can mean obedience to the husband, half with ultimately the leap, they got in the husband's absence female half with a law what allies commanded them to God and so until the end of the IRA, and related clearly to this, that our last parent Allah put those two together is in fact the husband's spends upon his wife, he has certain qualities or lies or gel gave him and those are outside of his control, he can try to develop them like wisdom,
like any like taking his time, like a him like being wise and not being quick to get angry and so on. These are qualities he can develop, he can try to work on he can try to you know, enamel Hellmuth bit to handle the developing forbearance or forbearance comes from developing forbearance you can so we can try to work on them, but the thing that is in his hands that he can directly influence immediately is enough of him spending upon his wife. So that I really gives us the importance of, of spending a man's spending upon his wife.
And the first thing that a man is required to spend upon his wife is the mouse. And that is because a lot So Joe said what are two new set asides Ducati hinden Allah for inhibin Allah Comanche min Hoon f sampha, Kuru honey and Maria. Ally's which has said in the fourth is sort of Nisa give the women their sidecar to them.
And if they are happy to spend some of it upon you truly happy a true You know, they give it from the goodness of their heart, from klebe and nefs. Then you can you can take from it you can eat from it honey and Mary with all comfort and all happiness there is no problem in that. As for the may have been easy then element generated from our mother I should have your lover and her and in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and the whole call out of Amman, Lisa Baraka, a subtle phenomena. He said that the greatest of women in Baraka are those that are easiest in Mahal. So the mouse should be something easy. But ultimately, this is a right of the woman. We said it's not a condition of the
kneecap contract, but it is a rite of the woman. And it's from the first of her financial rights. And that's why the scholars they say it becomes due upon either into the beginning of intimacy or upon Hollywood the first time that they are alone together in a situation that intimacy could take place. Then the Maha is juicer, the first of the financial rights that the husband has to take care of, is going to be taking care of the mouth. If the Maha is not eliminated and not specified, then she has marital method, which he has the right to the murder of a woman who is similar to her which is normal in the society. But definitely we don't want to see people in their marriage going for a
mouth that is intended to break the husband
Because this leads to a lack of Baraka, and it leads to marital Discord. Why? Because the husband has spent all of the money that he had. First of all, he now he can't spend upon his wife, with the normal nethercott, the normal spending, he doesn't have money to buy a clothes, he doesn't have money for nice food, he can't have doesn't have money to do up the house because all that money went on. And then the first day they have a fight, what does he say, all my money you took, I spend my money just so I could marry you. And now what what, and the marital discord starts because he can't fulfill his normal responsibilities as a husband. And because he refused resentment for all of that
money that he spent. So let him or her be yessir Let it be easy. That doesn't mean it has to be really small. But let it be something which is easy to put back in their marriage and let him spend that money on clothing on food on the house, instead of putting this big bond up, that is going to cause a wait upon him and cause discord and cause a medical an entrance for the shaytaan. So as the profits item said, the women with the most Baraka are the ones where the mother is the most easy. And that doesn't mean it has to be insignificant or tiny, it's up to the woman, some women would take my hat off, for him to teach us all from the crime. There's no doubt about that. But it can
still be something reasonable. But don't let this culture that there is in many countries have an extremely high mahute which goes way above and beyond what a man can manage. And let everyone look at the man's capability, what's his salary? What can he manage, and let the wedding not be a reason for debt? Because this is a lie that the Prophet slicin he didn't pray the janazah over some of the Sahaba because they had halaal debt halaal debt halaal What about the person who has burdened themselves with debt upon debt upon debt, in order to get married, and all of it because of this expectation of a high Mahal, a big house, buying furniture giving gifts to everybody and relatives
and whatever. And it became to the point where he got himself into debt. And now for the whole many, many years of his life. He's paying off a debt that he took in order to get married. There is very little Baraka in this and it is an easy way for Shea pond to get between the husband and the wife. So let the families be understanding in this let them understand that yes, the woman has the right to the mouth let's not take that right away from her. What are twin, nissa sidecar sidecar to give the women their right? But make it something which is C which is easy. Make it easy for men and women to get married. And in some cultures will allow we made it so hard for men and women to get
married. So hard for them to get married. That even led to Zina happening in those societies because the murder was so much that no man wants to get married he what he's looking to do her arm on the side or he's looking if he's if he's a person who fears Allah to get married outside of the country to someone where the Mahara is easy. And then all the women are left in the country not able to get married because of the of turning away from the Sunnah of the Prophet sighs man whenever we turn away from the Sunnah, that's when evil happens. And it's not the women. Generally it's their fathers and their families. With their requests. Were asking for a Mahara, which is not reasonable, and
which is burdensome. And then it's leading to alpha haish, al Muhammad, Xena, immorality,
evil doing fornication, adultery, because of the fact that people are not sticking to this simple rule about keeping things reasonable and keeping things balanced and making marriage easy for people. That's what allies are generally easy to mention in this
in this lesson, or in this episode. Now we have more to talk about as it relates to an Africa the rise of spending upon the wife and that is inshallah to Allah going to come up in the next episode. That's what Allah made easy for us to mention and allies or generals best wa Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi h my as salaam alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to au add home.com