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The Muslim Family #15 – Shared Rights in a Muslim Marriage

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Tim Humble

Channel: Tim Humble

Series:

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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What are kulu filco Ronnie magia E

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to carry Moosa Lu. Wha colocar La La, la de la Lu. Well Mustafa al de

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leeuw Alhamdulillah you lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala AB delay or suli Nabina Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam while earlier Sahih Germain salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. We begin as always, by praising Allah by asking Allah to exalt the mentioned grant peace to our messenger, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions. So we're talking about the rights of the husband and the wife. And we spent the last two episodes really looking at the generic way that the rights of husband and wife are kind of set out in Islam, and looking at how we should approach the right of the husband and the right of the wife in Islam, how

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we should be approaching it, and the way that we should kind of understand this framework that Islam has set out for us in how the husband and wife deal with one another. So now we're going to look at the rights that are equivalent.

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Now, it isn't a precise, precise science in to a certain extent, in the sense that there are ways you can see certain things to be equivalent, there are ways you can see certain things to be slightly different or opposite to one another. But generally looking at the things in which the scholars say there is equivalence, there is more method I can complete equivalence between husband and wife. The very first one we're going to look at is the statement of Eliza gel. We're actually ruhuna bill mouth. This is in Surah Nisa, I am number 19.

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And live with them with Mao wolf. So here the command is to the men regarding the women. It's to the men regarding the women. But this is a REIT in which the scholars say that there is equivalence, both men and women are commanded to live with each other. In Morrow, Bill Maher off, in goodness. So first of all, this is mentioned to the men in relation to the women.

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Like the prophets lie Selim said it took longer for Nisa have Taqwa of Allah with regard to women. That is also equivalent, right? Because men also have to have Taqwa regarding women and women also have to have Taqwa regarding their husbands. So the Prophet saizen emphasized it with regard to the husband towards his wife, it taco lahav and Lisa have Taqwa of Allah, regarding your women, but it's also an equivalent, right? It's the husband has to have Taqwa with regard to his wife and the wife has to have Taqwa of Allah with regard to the husband, but that's a separate issue here we're going to talk about what actually happened Mr. Wolf, living together bill mouth. So first of all, let us

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ask ourselves the question what is a metal roof we had already heard what aluminum is Saturday for him allowed to add I said about a metal roof in terms of either ajaya is the the

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customs that are ongoing in a particular country in a particular time for a particular husband and a particular wife. Any for him for her.

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Missy her, you know, for for the likes of her and the likes of him.

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That's the word mark off as it relates to customs. But what about the word Mater off as it relates to goodness? Some of the scholars defined it as saying it is cool, no, Colin has anything we're failing Jeremy Lin waterhole open camel.

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It is every good statement. And every beautiful action and every perfect mannerism or perfect character.

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And that is really, really

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it's really scary in a way because that Allah commanded men to live with their wives like that. And you feel that how do I achieve everything good in speech and everything beautiful in action and everything exemplary in character? How do I how do I even try to achieve that but it's that's what Allah commanded you to live with them in that state. That the way the man treats his wife and some of them said this is the greatest right of the wife over her husband. Why should that be the motto? In reality, it is a right that is equivalent, because she also has to live with her husband and so the husband and wife should be working together and striving together for what couldn't work.

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Khalid has every wonderful statement, every wonderful speech. Could be. You know that the beautiful words he says to his wife. He tells her he loves her. She tells us she loves him tells her You look beautiful she says You look lovely you look nice. So powerful are beautiful words Cole has an

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warfarin Jimmy. And actions which are beautiful. Farrell, Jimmy beautiful actions, really, really kind actions could be giving a gift could be

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the way that he the softness in treating with each in the way they treat with each other. It could be smiling at each other. And it could be intimacy with one another. cool little Colin has every beautiful word. And every every, every every good word and every beautiful action and every exemplary character. So the exemplary character could be mercy, could be softness, could be gentleness, could be kindness could be love, every wonderful exemplary characteristic, why she ruhuna pyramid

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and that is what Allah commanded the men to be towards their wives. And we understand that this is a right which is also a right of the husband over the over the wife that she lives with him in the best way. So we have on one side, beautiful speech, or good speech beautiful action exemplary character. On the other side, we have what mmm Sadie said regarding the word mob, Wolf, which is to live in accordance with the customs of a particular country and time in which you are and also in accordance with the status of that man and the status of that woman and their position and their what they have available the resources they have available to them. Now, it's important to note when

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it comes to customs, of course, that customs don't overrule Islam. Rather, Islam overrules customs. So if there's a custom in a particular country, which is contrary to Islam, and when we talk about rituals, we might give examples of this, where there is a custom which is contrary to Islam, and brings problems into the marriage, then Islam comes first. But generally speaking, the husband lives with the wife with the best of speech, the most beautiful actions, the most exemplary manners, the wife, she lives with the husband with the best of speech, the most beautiful actions and the most exemplary manners. And they live in accordance with the expectations of what is normal around them.

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Now, what that just generally means is I mean, first of all, if the husband or wife agree on something, there is no issue because it's about right, the rights of the servants. There is no issue if they agree on something if they both don't like a particular custom, and they don't want to follow it is no big issue as long as it doesn't fall into that which is haram. But generally speaking, how should they expect to be with one another? So you look at what is normal? what's normal, what's expected in the country, what's the kind of norms in the time the country, for that kind of woman for that kind of man. And that defines whatever is not defined by the Sharia. That's

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important. that defines whatever is not defined by Sure. It's not the case that we put the customs first, as many people do. And that causes huge problems in marriage, they put the customs first and they put the Islamic stuff second. So they say my custom says that my wife should uncover in front of my brother, for example, they say, well, Allah said, Why should we live with them in the way that is customary. But he had the custom contradicts what the prophet sighs I'm told us and what Eliza gel told us. And so here, we're going to say that that custom is invalid and not given any consideration at all. Rather, the woman she has to be more careful around her brother in law, then

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she would be around a stranger in the street. As the Prophet sighs I'm told us that they're in law, his death. And so we have to be very careful around in laws,

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in terms of the brother in law, the sister in law, and how the relationship is between them has to be that distance and covering and the hijab and so on. But here, we're just talking about how customs could conflict with Islam. Islam always comes first. But generally speaking, what Islam doesn't define the goal with what is customary and customs are important because they help to set basic expectations. Yes, husband and wife may both not like a particular customer culture, and that's perfectly fine for them to leave it because

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They're not required to do it. However it sets some basic expectations are exciting some hottie and Muslim from the Hadeeth of ebony Rama and in nebby Salallahu annual cinema anethole call Allah Kunal Kumar in waku locum Miss rune at Phil ameerul, Lydia Island Nasir are in wahama sironen Under

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Armour. He said the messenger of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam he said, Indeed all of you are shepherds.

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ie all of you are responsible. All of you are shepherds and all of you are responsible for your flock. The Amir, who is over the people like the governor or the ruler who is over the people, is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock water Roger law law in Allah and EBT you are homeschooling sold on Amazon and a man is a shepherd over his family and he is responsible for them well Mara to LA area tune Allah Beatty barley How are ya lady, we're here miss all at home and a woman she is responsible for the house of her husband and his children. And she is responsible for them she's a shepherd and she's responsible for them. Will Abdullah in Ireland early CDU a woman all in and, and

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a slave is responsible for his owner's wealth as a shepherd of his own as wealth and he is responsible for it. And for Kunal Kumar in Baku local masala. And

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indeed, all of you are shepherds, and all of you are responsible for your flock. So here I could have brought this to be honest in the segment of how to how we see the role of the husband or wife. But I actually wanted to bring it under the topic of Mr. myrcella. Those things which the husband and wife are equal in, in the sense that they are both equal in responsibility.

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husband has responsibility, the wife has responsibility. They're not entirely equal. And sensor responsibilities are not the same. They're not the same, but they both have responsibility. And it's not the case that one has responsibility. And the other one has, let's say, clothing, for example, or one of them has responsibility and the other one has

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house provided for them. The reality is they both have responsibility. They both have things that they are responsible for.

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And it is the case that the husband is responsible, the wife is responsible. There are some differences in the responsibilities. So the husband is responsible for his household for LGBT he, that means he's responsible for everyone living in his household, he's responsible for his wife, for his children, and so on. He is fully responsible for them. And he's a shepherd of them, which means that he has a degree of authority over them. And that he is shepherding them kind of looking after them taking care of them. And he is Miss on on and home so he will be asked yomo Kiana about them. Likewise, the woman is responsible. So it's not true to say that a woman doesn't have any

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responsibility, or that she doesn't have any things that she will be asked about. Rather, she is responsible for the house of her husband, that he has provided for her we're going to talk about the provision of the house inshallah to Allah in a subsequent episode. He's responsible for that. She's responsible for the house, and she's responsible for the children. And that is, again, a beautiful balance in Islam. She

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is under her husband's responsibility. But she her children are under her responsibility. And her husband's responsibility, as you know from for overall, like in terms of the umbrella responsibility, but she is directly responsible for her children, particularly in her husband's absence. So here, she's responsible for his house, and she's responsible for his children. And this is really important, because it actually helps us with other things that we talk about women working and things like that. And we talk about the fact that whatever she does, being with her husband's permission, not being her arm and so on, but it can't be at the expense of the responsibility there

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Miss Leah that Allah azza wa jal has given to her. That is that she is Miss all she is asked. She's Miss color. And bt barley Hello led the house of

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Her husband and his children. So responsibilities exist for both husband and wife. They're slightly different, the husband's is slightly more comprehensive, because it encompasses the wife and the wife doesn't encompass the husband. But they both have responsibility. And so some of the scholars mentioned this, on the area of where there is equivalence because they both have responsibility. It's not like one as one has responsibility that other one has a house and clothing and food provided. Rather, they both have responsibility. But the responsibilities are slightly and somewhat different, because the husband's is overall for the entire household. And the wife's is a subset of

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that for his house as in his property, which includes his money. And we've spoken about that previously, in terms of Heidi's about the you know, that he feels safe. When he leaves his wife, you feel safe about her, and about the money and his property that he's left with her. So she's responsible for his property that is under her care. And she is also responsible for his children that are under her care. And the children are going to be within her responsibility. And she's like a shepherd to them. So she's telling them what to do. She's responsible for them. And that's a nice balance, actually, because it tells you that beautiful balance between obedience to the mother and

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the wife's obedience to the husband and how those to balance each other out. Because that boy, or that young man, who is his wife is he's a shepherd for his wife, his mother is a shepherd for him. So there's a balance there in terms of gender as well a balance in terms of a man of being his mother, and his father of course, and a woman or being a husband and the balance that is within that system that Allah subhanaw taala has decreed for us so here responsibilities are something that both have and shepherding others are responsibilities that both husband and wife have equally even though there is a degree of difference in the area of responsibility.

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A lot so we just have cooling meaning a woman ever sorry him wife, oh four or john zelicah as Kayla home in a lot of hubiera females narrowing or Colima Minetti have gotten me ever saw the hidden foreigner for Joe Honda. While Are you betina Xena tahuna illa malvar Amina while you're pregnant, be hungry, hey, knowledge, we will be hidden. What are you Dina Xena tahuna la la baru Letty hin Li Eliza, which le said say to the believing men to lower their gaze and protect their chastity that is more pure for them. And Allah is all aware of what they do, and say to the believing women to lower their gaze, and to protect their chastity and not to show their adornment except that which is

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apparent from it, and let them draw their their covering over the or let them draw that their head covering over their chests. And let them not sure their adornment except to their husbands and to the end of the eye, their husband, their father and to the end of the aisle.

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Here, the equivalence is in guiding the chastity and lowering the gaze. And that is an obligation upon the husband and an obligation upon the wife that each is satisfied with the other for husband, that's it.

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Nothing more than that. Neither of them seeks to go beyond the limits that are lies, which are set from anybody takahara valleca felt like a humble dude. Whoever seeks anything beyond that. Whether it be

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Xena, whether it be some of the other fella Hush, immoralities and evil things that people do people watch and people do. All of these things are moronic. They're outside of what Eliza gel has legislated. So allies legislated that the husband is satisfied with his wife and lowers his gaze except from her and that she is satisfied with her husband and she lowers her gaze except from him. And that is one of the major purposes of the marriage that we had spoken about. That the husband lowers his gaze, and that the wife lowers her gaze and we'd speak spoken about the Heidi Thea Mashallah Chabad minister diamond kumada at affiliate so watch for him. Now I've got to Lhasa waxaan

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only felt that whoever of you young men is able to get married let him marry because that is going to help him to lower his gaze and protect his chastity and that is something which is an equivalent. There is equivalence in the marriage, the woman laws her gaze

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Except for a husband, and protects a chastity except for our husband. And the husband lowers his gaze except for his wife, and protects the chastity except for his wife. And that is, as we said, one of the major purposes of the marriage to prevent and protect the two from Xena, and from another ELO Mahabharat. Looking at her arm, and as we said, this can we can take this in as one aspect of it, but always Polly, when we talk about looking at her arm that's so common in these days, that the husband hasn't taken on the responsibility that he's not going to look at the hot arm, got married, he's got a wife, he's not going to look at the hierarchy. And the wife hasn't taken on the

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responsibility that when she's got money, she's not going to look at the hierarchy. And that is a big problem in our time when I sell apple. Well I feel we ask Allah for his part and we ask Allah subhanaw taala to keep us safe from those things. So this is a right way in which there is equivalent to lowering the gaze and protecting the chastity. We're also going to cover a Heidi narrated by Al Bukhari and Muslim from an valeera Schreiber. Carla, Carla side of Nevada law right. All right, john. Mearsheimer at that side. Even about that. He said, If I saw a man with my wife levar up to who be safey layer on this panel. I would strike him with the sword. I wouldn't let that

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man go. I would have struck him with my sword and I wouldn't have let that man go for Bella Delica Rasul Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam if upon attach a boon I mean, lay your it aside for la de la Anna alga yaru Minh who will la who over here will mean me.

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The Prophet sighs I'm set. Are you surprised by the era of sight? By the protective jealousy of sight? He said that if I saw a man with my wife, I would take my sword and I would go for him and not let him go. I would strike him and I wouldn't let him go.

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The prophets I said are you amazed by the protective jealousy of sad? By Allah? I am more protectively jealous than him. And Allah is more protectively jealous than me. I mean agilely is a righty lair he have ROM alpha he shimabara mean how am I poppin while Ashoka aviar amin Allah, Al Hadith, the prophet so I sent him said, because of the layer of Allah, the era of Allah, Allah made all immorality, haram whatever is apparent and whatever is hidden, and there is no human being there is nobody who has more valeura than Allah more than Allah subhanaw taala. So this here, so this here in terms of a person refers to a player which we might translate to be protective, jealousy as for

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Allah as origin, then, of course, when we apply things to Allah subhanaw taala we apply it in a way that is befitting to His Majesty in His perfection subhana wa Tada. And the Prophet size explained the higher of Allah that allowed me to harm all immorality, what is apparent from it and what is hidden? And there is no one who is more protective of any the the limits and more hating of immorality and and evil doing then Allah subhanaw taala.

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So here, the reason I brought this hadith is that one of the things in which there is equivalence in his layer, is that both our husband and wife should be protective over one another in a way that is in accordance with the law of allies origin shouldn't be a protective jealousy, that leads to suspicion is a lie. So Joe told us you are letting our manager tenable Kathy or Amina one in about one or you believe keep away from a lot of guessing and suspicion, because indeed, some suspicion is sinful. So it shouldn't be the kind of suspicion that is sinful, but protective jealousy, looking after each other and wanting each other to be far away from alpha hush from the Mahabharata from

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their filthy acts and immoral acts, and a man taking care that his wife is covered properly, and a wife taking care that her husband is not involved in something that would take away from his honor. All of this is from the uglier that the husband and wife are supposed to have for one another. And we know the prophet SAW I send them he said about our T shirt or the alarm and her. Your mother has high delay like your mother has had availa when Ayesha she hit one of the ways of the prophets, like some central

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a plate of food and Aisha, she hit it on the floor, and she broke the plate. So this is something that the husband and wife are both required to have for one another within the limits set by a lot when it goes outside of the limits, like when the plate broke, then the profitsystem took Asia's plate and replaced the plate with the broken one.

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But generally speaking with doesn't within the limits, the husband and wife are required to do to have that. And I remember one of my teachers are lies which will preserve and protect him. I remember him saying that the protective jealousy that a wife has for her husband saves him from so many feet in so many trials and tribulations, so many problems that husbands is saved from because of that, so many more heromart and Fantasia he would have fallen into if it wasn't for Allah, and then the hero of his wife that she says, who you're talking to, don't get involved with that person. Don't Don't answer that question. Don't you know, and that is what saves him from so many fitech

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from so many fitters, and likewise her, he keeps an eye on the way that she covers and the way that she interacts with people. But it doesn't reach a level that goes into the hotline because Vera can go over the limit set by a lighter xojo. And in that case, it is not permissible. And it has to be brought back into the limits that are set by a lie soldier like suspicion. And when it reaches the level of suspicion in above one FM, some suspicion is sinful, or when it reaches the level of accusations without right when it reaches the level of stopping someone from what Allah has made permissible for them. And this is all outside of what we're talking about the hero that is

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praiseworthy, and availa. That is something good. The last rate that we're going to talk about which in which there is some degree of mamatha or some degree of equivalence is the rights relating to the decisions over breastfeeding the children. And this is something some other scholars mentioned in this I'm not going to go into too much detail because it's not very common in our time that we give our children to be fed by someone else. It's usually the case the mother is the one who feeds the child. But Allah subhanaw taala he said the lies that we just said for in our other few soil and Antara are the min Houma watershed watering fellows are now highly Hema we're in our ancestral dear

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fellow Junior highly SLM to Murthy to build mouth. What Allah while mo and Allah Happy maritima Luna Basia Eliza just said in the ayah

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and if you wish to cease the feeding of your children, ie to wean your children, the facade, you want to wean them to stop them on the from from the breast milk and to start them on on food.

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And tar all in min Houma that the to the husband and the wife are both in agreement of that water showering and they both consult each other filaggrin are highly human, there's no harm in them, weaning the child, if the husband and wife both agree and both consult each other. And if you want to give your children to someone else to breastfeed, then there is no harm if you give them

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that you give them a an amount of money in that which is more off that which is good. And that which is customary, and have Taqwa of Allah and Allah is all seeing of what you do. So here is just a simple point, that when it comes to the matters of the feeding of the child and the weaning of the child, there is a degree of equivalence here that there is a degree of there has to be authority between the husband and the wife. And between there has to be a consultation between them in the matter of weaning the child and the matters relating to feeding the child or giving the child to someone else to feed. And this is something which is as we said, it's not as common in our time that

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we have to deal with some of these issues. But perhaps the issue of weaning is one that we can give an example when the child is weaned, whether it is two full years or whether it is less than that. That is a matter that is has there has to be a consultation between the husband and wife. And there has to be a mutual agreement between the husband and wife in that regard.

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So that brings us to the end of this episode, where we talked about some of the rights in which there is a great amount of equivalence or a lot of equivalence and inshallah to Allah we're going to go on in the next episode to talk about the rights in which there is a degree of them being opposite to one another one in exchange for another. Any shout out to Allah that's gonna come up in the next episode and alliance of generals best wa salatu salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajmeri

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A Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying this video

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goes and he likes to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running. Make sure you head over to am [email protected]