The Muslim Family #14 – Gender Roles in Islam – A Balanced Approach

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Tim Humble

Channel: Tim Humble

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leeuw and hamdulillah Alhamdulillah hillbilly alameen wa Salatu was salam, ala Abdullah he was fully he never you know Mohammed Juana and he was happy he moraine Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh We begin by praising Allah azza wa jal, we praise Him as He deserves to be praised and how as he praised himself subhanho wa Taala and we begin also by asking Allah to exalt the mentioned grant, please tell messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam to his family and his companions. And we begin by giving a seller more alikum what I'm going to lie about our character and giving Salaam to all the people watching this short course from Allah madrasa tiller Maria on the Muslim

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family, we're continuing our discussion about the general way that the rights of the husband and wife are laid out.

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And this is important and we spoke about the idea in the previous episode, while mythical lady alley in the equivalents that exists and the opposite the the kind of opposites that given take that exists between husband and wife as it relates to their rights. Before going to individual rights, we want to look at how the REITs are structured. So some of them there is total equivalents, one for one, and in others, there may not be total equivalents, but there is a kind of a given take some for you and some for you, while originally la hypnagogia. And men have a degree over them and we spoke about that briefly in the previous episode. I want to come to a Hadeeth which is very important as

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it relates to the rights of the husband and the wife. It's very short Heidi Heidi Val mother eyeshadow Viola and her it's narrated by Abu Dawood, tirmidhi, Ahmed and others in them and Nisa, or shakar equipped rejet women are nothing but the full sisters of men. Sha Chi Shaka here, when we say often, Shaka Shafiq, it means that you share a mother and a father, because you could have a half brother, right? You could have where you have only shot you only share the Father, we only share the mother, but you have a different mother different father, so it's a half brother. Here, when we talk about

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shakai Alan Shepard, often shopkeeper is the one that is complete, Lee

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has unique shares the same one same for the full brother and sister. So why did the profitsystem describe women as the full sisters of men, the meaning of this has nothing to do with sisters as in,

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as in parents, mother and father here. But he he has to do with the rights. And this is actually a beautiful principle, this hadith of actuality alone. It's a principle it says to us that unless Islam makes a distinction

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and makes a clear exception, every right that a man has a woman has an every obligation that a man has a woman has.

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And that is the the basic principle in Islam is that principle of equality in rights and obligations.

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Until and unless Islam makes exceptions. Now that's really interesting because if you look at the way that Islam looks at issues of gender, Islam looks at men and women as being different. And that's why Allah azza wa jal said, Well, he said

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that men are not like women, the male is not like the female and Who said this? Who did Allah? Allah subhanaw taala said it in the Quran, who did he inform us? That this was said by he informed us that this was said by the mother of Madame Alia Salah that when she gave birth to Miriam she had sworn in Nina down to like a mafia Bonnie mahabharatha Taco Bell, meaning I have sworn that what is in my womb will be in service to you or Allah either she would have a son and her son would be in the service of Allah azza wa jal, worshiping Allah and serving in the place of worship.

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When she gave birth to a girl, she realized the reality of how Allah azza wa jal created mankind, tala created as mean decade in one set in a Lacuna Coil in Zachary. One step created you from male and female and that the male

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And female are different. What I said vacarro cat author, she said the males are not like the females. So Islam recognizes that there are differences between men and women. But does that mean that there is an entire series of laws to adjust for men and an entirely different series of laws that are just for women? Is that how Islam works? No, there isn't a Quran for men and a Quran for women. Rather, all of the laws and obligations. The default position is equality and equivalence. That's the default position until you bring in evidence which makes an exception for men or for women in a particular ruling. For example, we look at clothing let's take the example of clothing.

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So there are certain equivalents, Allah subhanaw taala talked about the Libous the clothing that has been given to cover you, when the vessel taco vatika, higher, and then the bass of taqwa the clothing of taqwa that is better for you. Some of the scholars who mentioned the clothing of taqwa the modesty and clothing and some of them talked about in terms of taqwa, clothing yourself with the taqwa of Allah azza wa jal. In any case, here we have an equivalence modesty in dress between men and women, the same, they're both required to modest, cover their hour, and so on and so forth. But then we have differences that come later on. So the basic principle is the same. And then comes the

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issue of the hijab of the woman and the rules and regulations and the difference between the hour of the man and the hour of the woman, and so on. So we want to understand the way that Islam works is that the rules the regulations, the commandments the obligations of for men and four women equally, until the Shetty eye brings a difference between them and we can take this from the Hadeeth in them and Nisa or Shaka ecoregion women are nothing but the full sisters of men, meaning everything that is said to the men in the Quran is said to the women until you have a reason to diverged and a reason to make them different. And there are many rules that is standard only for men and rules that

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are only for women. But when Eliza for example said what are Kamal salata What are two soccer, established the prayer and perform the zecca this word or chemo is given towards the men it's it's given in the in the form of the verb that addresses men. What Aki masala, what are two zakka and give them a car it's given in the form which addresses the men. And yet this Heidi tells us in them in the south Shanghai quarter region, women are nothing but the full sisters of men. So the same command goes for the women that Eliza tells them to perform the prayer to give this occur. However, there are some things that are unique to the men, and some that are unique to the women and also

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well established in Islam. And that's such a beautiful balance as the balance of Islam, Allah azza wa jal gave us a religion that is balanced a religion that is a uma Deen

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that religion that is a balanced way and is operate that yes, we our basic principle is that all the rules for the men or for the women, unless there are exceptions, and Islam makes plenty of exceptions, because they said that

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males and females are not the same. That's a basic principle of Islam. And it's the fit is what matches the nature of human beings. And it's what will help the marriage to settle. And one of the really things that I personally see that cause a lot of marital discord is this very non Muslim, very honest Islamic effort of men to be like women and women to be like men. And so the wife is striving to be the husband. And the husband is striving to be the wife in one way or another. And it sounds funny in the sense that somebody says that's not really possible. But you see this reality, the wife is striving to have the rights the husband has that are only for him that hasa B. And

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likewise, the husband is trying to either drop some of the things that are only for him, or trying to take something that's right, that is right of his wife, or take it away from her, and then not sticking to what Allah azzawajal gave them. And so we really want to sort of use this hadith as to lay out a foundation in the way the husband and wife interact with each other, that you have that equivalence, that you have that equality, but there will be times when the husband has very specific things that are for him and against him or any obligations that he has to do. And the wife will have very specific things that are for her and are against

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To her or obligations that she has to do. So that's how we can balance those two out. And we shouldn't be racing for one person to try to take those away, or try to sort of absorb some of the responsibilities or even the rights of the others. And that's a lot of times where the marital relationship can break down, because the person's not accepting what a Lost Planet Allah gave them. And we know a woman hallak the one who created us is the one who knows how best we should live as husband and wife.

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Our next heading is a hadith in Sahih al Bukhari and it is a hadith and AB Jehovah and Abby,

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are the Allahu anhu Karla hanabusa la la vida who was seldom been a cell man would have been

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for Zara settleman Abba Double Dare for Ahmed Double Dare, metabo Zilla for Karla Lucha Masha Anak

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I want to leverage a hyphen or it's from his father, that he said the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam made brotherhood between sellman and Abu Dhabi

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and sell Nan visited Abu Dhabi is a manufacturer of your love and visit out of your love Tada. And, and he saw my daughter, Dara Viola and her motorbike dealer. He saw her disheveled, not dressed nicely. This is before the time of the hijab before the verse of the hijab was revealed. So he said to her, my shadow was the matter with you. And you what, perhaps she's not well, she could be sick. Perhaps something happened to her. Why is she not keeping her appearance as you would expect a wife to do? What's the matter what's happened so he said to her mash Anak What's the matter?

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pilot a Hawker Abdel de les Salah who had a 20 dunya fudger Abu Dhabi for Sona Allahu Akbar Allah cool for ENISA in column A and B are keyed in had to tackle that

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she said your brother Abu Dhabi de has got no need of this world. Like doesn't look at me said no I'm here. No doesn't know in terms of looking after me like maybe he spends but he doesn't. You know he doesn't have a need of me. Not that he doesn't look after me looks after her. He doesn't have a need so that doesn't want me to have any need.

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And then I would have came and made food for sale man. And he said the sell man eat the food.

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But I'm fasting.

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He said eat it but I'm fasting. So sell man said I'm not going to eat until you eat. So finally Apple Delta he ate Fallon McCann and ladle that habit aboard Double Dare yaku for Carlin. Fernanda Thelma, they have a call for call and then phenom kana. arciero layli Carla said man, call me and call for Sania. When the night came about da da stood up as if he's going to pray. So salmaan set him Go back to sleep. Then he stood up again to pray. Samantha can go back to sleep. So when the end of the night came, said mind said now stand up and pray. So they prayed. They prayed together

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for call Allahu sellman in Nellie Rob Baker alayka hochkar while NFC gallica haka worthy leka alayka hochkar for out the Coulee levy how inhaca Selman, he said to aboda he said, Your Lord has a right over you

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and your self your body you have a right over you. And your family has a right over you. So give everyone who has a right over you their right to attend nebia sal Allahu Allah, He will send them for their Corolla Gala. So I would love that he came to the Prophet space and look at how the Sahaba used to be or the Allah who came to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam and he mentioned what said mindset for Karla nibio sallallahu alayhi wa sallam sadhaka sell man. The prophets lie Some said sell man told the truth.

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So this now has the ruling of a Hadeeth

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your Lord has a right over you. You your own body has a right over you. And your family has a right over you. For adults equally. Levy Hopkin hacker, give everyone who has a right over you they're right

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This is we'll light it, it is from the most beautiful, and the most fundamental power and principles that exist as it relates to husband and wife. And it relates to all of her core qualities that the rights of people. What is that? The essence of it? How do you know that you are achieving your goals as it relates and your responsibilities as it relates to marriage? Give everyone who has a right over you there, right. And again, when we talk about marital discord, most of the people, this is where people fall down for our equality happen. So we see the woman she comes in, she complains that our husband is giving rights to his mother, which is completely correct. And it is no doubt from the

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greatest of the obligations after the obligation to worship Allah alone. He's given his rights to his mother, but he's not giving the rights to his wife. So he's not implementing that statement of the Prophet sighs and for our tea, couldn't let the happiness give everyone who has a right over you there, right? Look, in this example,

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said man was giving a right to Allah,

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abou da da, da da da one was giving a right to Allah. And he wasn't giving the right to his body and his family.

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Allah is the most deserving of anyone for you to give his rights to. Yet when it was at the expense of

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the right that Allah commanded to give to his family, then it wasn't praiseworthy. When it became at the expense of the right to Allah commanded him to give to his body, it wasn't it wasn't praiseworthy. So if that's true of the rights of allies, the widget, then will lie is true of every other rights, including the rights of the parents, that everything has to be in balance. Likewise, the wife, she's given her rights to her children, she's really taken that responsibility for her kids. And she's taking it very, very seriously. She's making it very important. But she's neglecting her husband. She's not giving him his rights, or she's looking after her husband and she's

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neglecting the rights of her children, the husband is more deserving of her giving rights and even her parents.

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And yet, still, she's given rights to a husband, she's not giving it to her children. Or she's not giving it to Allah, I said, which

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is even worse, that the husband's given rights to his wife, but he's not given rights to Allah. And you can take in this also, we can bring in this topic of atheism, because the reality is, you know, people talking about non Muslims who've got really good manners and really kind and really, and at the end of the day, what they're giving rights to their neighbor, they're not giving their rights to Allah. They're giving rights to their friends, they're not giving rights to Allah. They're giving rights to the environment, they're not giving rights to allies. Okay. That's not praiseworthy. What is praiseworthy is faculty couldn't lead the hacklin haka. Everyone has a right over you give them

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the right that they have give a law his right. Give your parents their right, give your spouse their right, give your children, your neighbor, your even the environment, even the you know that the environment the world that you live has hock over you has a right over you give everyone their right. As for the people who give rights to the birds, and the animals, and the insects and the trees, and they don't give the rights to rob bull. I mean, there's no nothing praiseworthy in this. Or they don't give the rights to their fellow human beings, or people give rights to human beings but they don't give rights to Allah, or people give the right to Allah, but they don't give it to

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their family. Like this robinia like they lock themselves in in the room and they worship Allah but they don't care about their family. All of this is blameworthy. What is praiseworthy is for our tea, couldn't love the happy haka. Give everyone who has a right over you, give them give them their right, give everybody who has a right over you, they're right. And that really just gives you that balance. That's what I'm aiming for. It's not about giving my wife 100% of her rights and neglecting my children neglecting our law neglecting my parents neglecting my neighbors, it's about balancing out the rights to give everyone their rights. And that is possible. law you can do full on Epson

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Illa Allah doesn't burden a person with more than they can bear. It is possible for you to give your parents their right and your spouse and it's possible for you to give your children their right and also

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To give the rights to their parents and the spouse and the neighbor, it's possible because our profits I sub did it. The Sahaba will be lower and home learn from him and they copied him and they did it. Their setup was silent. The righteous predecessors they took from them and they did it. It's possible to give everyone their rights I'm not gonna say you're never going to fall short because we're human beings and we're going to we are naturally hotpot and we naturally make mistakes and frequently make mistakes. But ultimately, it is possible for you to set out a system and a way of life where you are giving everybody the right that is over. You are the right that is your

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obligation to give to them.

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When we talk about rights what is also really important and we have alluded to this previously but I just wanted to bring the idea is the statement of Eliza which is one at a time and no my football Allahu Allah, Allah about the original Siebel mimic test sample well in Nisa you know seaborne mimic test seven, West La Ilaha Minh fatherly in Nala, Canada equally Shane alima Soltani saya number 32, do not seek what Allah has preferred. Some of you with over others, men have an opportunity or a portion of the reward from the actions they have done. And women they have a portion of the reward from the actions that they have done. And ask Allah from his grace, Allah is Knowing of every single

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thing. So right here we have a beautiful ayah that breaks down for us, the fact that neither of us should be seeking writes, that are for the other one, neither of us should be trying to covet and be jealous, and be sort of seeking out the rights that were given to somebody else. And this is specifically mentioned, the rights given to men and the rights given to women.

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And this idea will lie so important in this age of

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where there is, you know, we're we're dealing with things like feminism, and and indeed other movements and other belief systems and other things like that, where there is a desire to covet the rights that have been given to someone else by Allah subhanaw taala. And ultimately, again, this is nothing more than an extension of atheism, where we no longer care about the rights of Allah, but we only care about her properly but and one of the things that make when you care only about the record of the about the rights of the servants and you don't care about the rights of Allah, then no doubt this leads to selfishness, and it leads to coveting what other people have, because you no longer

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accept that it was a law that gave each person their their right. In anything in everything, be it gender related or related to anything else. Allies oil gave, every single person has a right. We want to give everyone the right faculty cool lady happen, hacker want to give everyone the right that they have

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when we start to look at things and ignore the fact that it was a law that gave out those rights, what happens? We start to crave what other people have, why don't I have what that person has? Why am I not allowed equally the same right and the same authority that that person has,

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and so on. And it leads to a destructive cycle, where each person is craving to have what the other person has, it leads to jealousy, it leads to hatred, and it leads to ignoring the rights of allies. As we said, This is nothing more than an extension of atheism that neglects the fact that Allah is the one that gave rights to people. And it's not about me being better than someone else. How many women will be above their husbands yarmulke and I will give you one example. And Subhanallah the examples in this they will not stop Asya robiola Anna icra Sara

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Asya the wife of Pharaoh and

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her husband Phil on Where is he? And where is she when the Prophet sighs I mentioned her to be from the women whose Eman was car mill complete.

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Full Subhan Allah was perfect.

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So if you look at a car of your loved one when you look at the situation of her husband around in the lowest part of the fire, and leading his people into the fire, Yokoyama and all of the things that he did, but that is an extreme example, in reality, there are many women who are far above their husbands in the sight of a lie soldier. But when you live overseas

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this dunya and you only care about this dunya then you only care about what rights you have in the studio. I only care about Am I in charge? Am I the one making the decisions? Am I the one that has the most power, the most authority? Am I the one that has the most flexibility? That's all you care about, because it's only the dunya that's the only thing they see mama here in La Jolla, tuna dunya Nemo to owner Hey, oh, ma liquidnet illa doll. It's only this life of this world we live in, we die. And it's just the passage of time, nothing kills us except time. Nothing causes us to die except time. That's what these people believe. And so they lose this concept of accepting what Allah gave

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you. And realizing that what Allah has given to a wife doesn't stop her from being above her husband, YOLO chiamata Raj at many levels. And what Allah has given to the husband doesn't stop him from being above his wife, de la, gente, en la Kiana, many levels, it doesn't stop either of them, because they have the opportunity to gain the reward from their actions. What you've been given in this dunya is a test. And it is possible for a woman to pass her test on a husband to fail his test. And it's a pause, it's possible for a husband to pass his test. And for a walk for his wife to fail her test is possible. So ultimately, is not for us to fight over who was given what it's for us to

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look for the Nasim our naseeb of our good deeds, our portion of good deeds and to try and get as many good deeds as possible, out of what Allah azza wa jal has given us. And when we want something COVID something desire something. Instead of being jealous of other people, and trying to undermine what Allah has given them, what should we do with Allah hemmingford they ask Allah from his grace, if you want something, ask Allah azza wa jal from his grace, ask Allah or like, give me this or like grant me this, or like, give me this, instead of trying to take, you know, try and like be like to spoil children who are fighting over some candy or something, you know, they're both fighting each

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other, they're both pulling against each other, and arguing with each other. Instead of that, ask allies or gel to give you candy.

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That's it. You know, like, instead of fighting each other over one thing and pulling each other, ask allies or gently give you what it is that you want. And ultimately, we just given simple, you know, sort of examples and light hearted examples. But reality this issue is quite serious when it comes to marriage. And it can lead to a lot of problems in marriage if we don't understand this. So we talked about the husbands rights in the wife's rights. It's not for the wife to crave and covet what the husband has, nor is it for the husband to crave and covet what the wife has, rather each one of them work to get your naseeb your share your portion of good deeds, from what you have done. And ask

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Allah for his grace and His bounty in order to get where you want to be, which is genital for those who Allah, the highest part of Paradise is not that you just you know,

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it's not about this world. And it's not about being in charge in this world. And it's not about being in authority in this world. And it's not about having one more right than the person next to you, or one more obligation than the person next to you about those things. It's about working with what you have to get your Nasim your share of good deeds, and asking allies or jail from his bounty and his virtue. And I've really hammer this point home. And, and, and I've talked about it a lot. But I just see it to be such an issue in this day and age, where the non Muslims are putting such immense pressure upon Muslims, to stop fulfilling their rights to each other, to stop coveting what

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other people have. And it's not just gender, it's not as men and women, it's across the whole spectrum, that To try and covet power COVID authority to try and carve it rights that you don't have to try and be in the place of someone else. Why should this person be over me? Even in knowledge, refusing to accept the authority of the scholars refusing to, you know, listen to what the scholars have to say, why should that person tell me? Why should I not be the scholar who gets to tell? Look at how everyone is just coveting what everybody else has? Everyone is just trying to get, instead of asking a lot for grace and asking a lot for knowledge and asking a lot of striving for it. Perhaps a

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lot one day will put you in that position. But ultimately, we just live in a time where the pressure on the Muslims is to steal everyone else's, you know, rights and to try and seek it and to try and undermine them in it. And that's why so many marriages are failing. What's

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One of the major reasons why so many marriages are failing, rather than a woman who is intelligent and the man who is intelligent, they say, what has Allah given me? I can get gender with. They don't start looking for what Allah hasn't given me. They ask Allah for his grace, if it's from the things it's permissible to ask for they ask Allah, Allah give me wealth, so I can spend it for your sake or like give me health, so I can use it to worship you and so on. But they are looking at what do I have today that can get me agenda. That's the attitude that the Muslim should have when it comes to the talk, the rights and when it comes to the obligations and when it comes to the Qatar and the

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Kaaba of Allah azza wa jal let me earn as much as I can, from what Allah jellyfish Allah has given to me.

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So that brings us to the end of this episode charlotta Allah, we're going to continue by looking next time at the areas in which the husband and the wife are totally equal. They have a one for one, right? So Elmo Murtha, a term, complete equivalence. The rights in which there are complete equivalents. We're going to look at those in Charlottetown in the next episode, and until then, Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh and allies, no special salatu salam ala nabina Muhammad Ali wasapi edge May,

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a Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to M au adho.com