The Muslim Family #13 – Do Husband and Wife Have Equal Rights in Islam

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leeuw Alhamdulillah europian alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was fully Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge marine Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. Welcome to another installment from this short course on the Muslim family brought to you by El madrasa to Romania. Of course we begin by praising Allah azza wa jal by asking Allah to exalt to mention grant peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions.

So we've spoken about the essence of the marriage contract in the sense of the the nature of the contract. And if you like the kind of, you know, slight talk about the terms and conditions that you signed up to, when you agreed to that contract, and the fact that it is an act, it's a contract, and it's a messed up, it's a covenant. However, what I would like to do in this episode, inshallah Allahu Allah is to look at some of the principles and foundations of the rights between the husband and wife. Now, when we read our scholars, the scholars of Islam, talking about the rights of the husband and the wife, there are different ways that people organize that sometimes people talk about

the day begin by talking about the obligations of the husband, then the rights of the husband, and the obligations of the wife than the rights of the wife, or vice versa. However, what I would like to do is I would like to start with the IRS and the ahaadeeth, which are COA,

or which are also still, they are foundations, and principles that deal with the interaction between husband and wife. So they're more than just a write of the husband, or a right of the wife, or an obligation upon the husband. But more of is that just they give you a principle or an overview, in a general sense of the way that husband and wife are supposed to interact with each other as it relates to their rights and their obligations. So maybe a little bit more of an overview and a little bit more general than just looking at individual rights, which is going to come later on insha Allah tala or individual obligations, which are going to come later on, in short along with

Tyler. So we're going to go to our first idea, our first idea is incircle. Baccarat is number 228. Well, 100, Mr. Lew Levy, Ali hiner, Bill Maher off, scoring a part of the IRA. And this is a car ADA, it is a principle. And it's a foundation upon which the husband and wife's interaction with one another. And their rights are defined by this principle. What are hoonah myths? No levy is a hiner bill

that liahona belonging to those women. Here it refers to the wife, the wives, the wife, you know that wives not specifically belonged it or not specifically, wives of any one particular person, but but a wife in general wives, they have, it belongs to them. mithila levy le hiner. They have rights that are myths. And we're going to come to what the word mythical means here, but let's just call it equal, or let's call it similar to those which are la hiner, which are over them. Bill Maher off.

So the very first thing we want to talk about here is the fact that women in Islam, the wife in Islam, has rights. And that is what is indicated by liahona, that it belongs to them, that it's their rights that they have that they possess these rights. And they have rights which are la hiner, which are rights over them.

And that these rights that belong to them, and these rights that belong over them, and let's just stop and look at it from the point of view of the husband. So for the husband liahona would be isolated

He getting over him, he has responsibilities, he has obligations. And

I lay him now we can reverse it to a level or level, that he has rights that belong to Him.

So the wife here, as the I sets it out, the wife has rights, and she also has obligations. And likewise, therefore, the husband has obligations. And he also has rights. And these rights, there is a degree of, if we want to call it mama data, there is a degree of equity and balance between these sets of rights.

And so it isn't the case that a husband has

all of this huge number of rights, and the wife just has one small right or too small rights or one small expectation or too small expectations. Rather, this is sets out that there is a balance between the rights of the wife and the obligations, and between the obligations of the husband and the rights of the husband, while 100 belonging to those women are rights, mythical lady, la hiner, equal or similar to those which are against them, or those which are over them, maybe against them as the wrong word. But those which are over them, those which are responsibilities or obligations upon them, Bill, Matt Wolf, and when even Nakia Rahim, Allah to highlight came to this idea, he

focused on those two things, the word missing, and the word marital.

So as for the word, missile, we're going to come to talk about this in a little bit of detail, because we want to understand, does that mean that all of the rights of the husband and wife are entirely equal? Or does that mean that there is a degree of equity and balance between the rights of the husband and the wife, that's an issue we have to talk about. But the next word that we come to, which is very important is Bill Maher off. So these rights that belong to the wife, and these obligations that are upon the wife have both been married off, and likewise, we can reverse it and say, these rights that are these obligations that are upon the husband, and these rights that belong

to the husband are all of them bill Moran roof, Bill Maher roof, now this word Mau roof,

we're going to come again inshallah to Allah later on to talk in a bit more detail. But effectively, Elma roof has two things that we want out of it. The first is that it is an Ohio, it's good goodness. So these rights that exists between the husband and the wife, and these obligations that exist between the husband and the wife, are in a state of maroof, in a state of goodness, between the two, there is good in them for both parties, it's good for the husband, there's good for the wife, and it brings about goodness in the family, it brings about a higher well Baraka in the family, when the obligations and the rights are fulfilled by both parties. And as we go on, later on

inshallah, to Allah to talk about a new shoes, which is the disagreements and the arguments that happen between husband and wife and the discord to the point where the marriage becomes, because it becomes if you like, shaky or the foundations of the marriage start to become doubtful. Then here again, usually This happens because this principle isn't being implemented somewhere along the line, well, 100 mithila levy Ira hiner been married off, that women have rights that are similar to those that are that are the obligations over them, Bill Maher off with goodness. And the second thing we want to take about the word matter off is that a mouth also refers to an Earth, which is in

accordance with the norms of the society and what is normal what is expected within the society. So society and the norms also affect the rights of the husband and the wife. Islam lays out some principles. But within those principles, the exact how, you know when you dial those in exactly, and you're very precise about them. How much money should a husband spend upon his wife? What kind of a house should

He gave his wife, to what extent is a wife required to serve her husband in terms of serving him around the home, you know, serving his food, and, you know, taking care of his, you know, kind of serving his, his his, his his needs, so to speak, in terms of the home, what To what extent do we make that an obligation, generally speaking is going to be a lot of which is going to define the details. Islam is going to define the the boundaries, and it's going to say, for example, that, that a man has to spend upon his wife, he has to his obligation is his wardrobe enough aka the obligation of spending upon his wife, that's one of his, that's one of the things

that they have as a right. It's one of the things lohana it's for them as a right for those women as a right job in Africa. But how do we limit this network? Is it $1,000? a month? Is it $100 a month? Is it $10,000 a month? What to where do we draw where how do we put a finger on it? What's going to put a finger on it is a lot of what is customary and what is known? And what is the norm for that kind of woman in that kind of situation, in that kind of circumstance and that kind of husband in that kind of situation in that kind of circumstance. So that's going to be an important point in sha Allah to Allah, which we're going to expand upon as we go through this particular lesson.

So the first thing we're going to deal with is this word mythical, and really try to go into the understanding of it, while 100 mythical lady alien, because a mamatha, it can mean mirtha Tamar, amar mirtha an N an exact equivalence or it can be a general equality, a general equivalence. So is the equivalence here absolute or is it general? Now, when we say absolute? Does it mean that every single right that the wife has the husband has an every single right that the husband has the wife has one for one?

He has the right of such and such? So she has the exact same right. Is it like that? Is it more Martha Tom, meaning the rights are completely equivalent in every single aspect? Or is it a case where there is mirth data to an extent there is a degree of equivalence here, but it may not be a one for one in every situation, the scholars generally speaking and from the scholars who divided this up, even actual Rahim Allah, Allah, Allah in His Tafseer others among the scholars, and I, personally, this is a nice way of just dividing this into two is to say that we can divide the rights of the husband and the wife based on this ayah we can divide it and based on the word method,

we can divide it into two. And it may be we can even say three, the two that we can divide it into are the rights that have more Merthyr term that have absolute equivalents in them, meaning the husband has it, the wife has it, one for one equal for equal and the rights in which there is more Karbala, there is an equal a general equivalence in the sense that the husband has a right and not right may not be the same, right the wife has but she has an opposite, or an equivalent, right, she has a right that kind of sits alongside it. It sits alongside it. So it could be as an example, the husband's right to marital intimacy, and it could be the right the wife's right to being spent upon.

And we could say that there is a degree of more Karbala between those two, in the sense that the two of them sit opposite one another, and together with one another in the scale of the rights between the husband and the wife. And we can also talk about the diraja because Allah azza wa jal mentioned in this ayah in it number 228 in sort of Bukhara well, originally it hiner de Raja, and men have over them a degree. And this tells us that it's not more Murthy, Tama mean, Jamie, from every single angle, that is total equivalence, because Allah said men have a degree over them, meaning there are gonna be

Certain things that a man has over his wife as an obligation over his wife, it's an obligation for her to write for him that the wife doesn't have. So here we're going to say that we can bring two categories or three categories, we can bring the rights between the husband and wife that are totally equal. There's complete equivalence. in them, the husband has it, and the wife has it, and the two are equivalent. And we can bring the things which sit opposite one another, ie, the wife has something and the husband has something may be different. But the two sit opposite one another, that is roughly in balance with that, to a greater or lesser extent. And then we can talk about the

daraja we're literally JD Ali has hypnagogia, that men have a certain degree of something and amount of something which Allah subhanaw taala has specified for them. Now, this is something which we shouldn't be worried about, we shouldn't be concerned about. Because if this law came from Allah azza wa jal, and Allah azza wa jal, What a moron Booker a hider your Lord doesn't oppress anybody, it's going to be fair, it's going to be balanced. Allah azza wa jal gives whatever he wants to whom ever he wants to partner with her. And that is his decision to give out. And that's the meaning of the word Islam submission to what Allah decrees for you what Allah legislates for you. That's what

Islam is all about submission, as it's not for a man, to use this data, this degree of preference and this degree of excellence that Allah has given him, to oppress his wife. Nor is it for a wife to become angry with that degree that Allah has given to her husband. And to say that this is not to become angry with it, or to become frustrated with it, rather, the husband and the wife, submit to Allah subhanaw taala. And we're going to talk very clearly in this course, about the danger of the husband using that data, Roger, that degree that Allah has given him to oppress his wife. Because in a sense, that degree is a blessing from Allah soprano to Allah. And it's a father, it's a it's a

preference. And it's a blessing and a virtue. But in a sense, it's also a risk, and an Amana and a potential source of punishment. Because, for example, if you take it like the a manager in a company, for example, just to give you an example, you take a manager in a company to be promoted to be the manager, that is a father, right? That's a virtue, that you have been preferred over the other employees to be chosen to lead the team, that you have the qualities in you to lead the team, to be the team leader to be the manager you've been chosen. And you've been selected for that. That's a father. That doesn't mean you're going to be above them. In general, it doesn't mean that

though they're not beloved to Allah, it's simply that that particular person had the right qualities to lead the team here. So they became the team leader. But when they did that, they also got additional responsibilities. And if they fail in that task, they are more likely to be taken to account for it and they could also lose that job. Now this is just a job. What about the situation of Islam, and the husband and the wife and responsibilities before Allah? Yes, Allah azzawajal gave the regional adonijah he gave the men a degree here, a, an amount by which he gave them a set of, of rights, or is or is a section here or a point, which Allah subhanaw taala gave them and put them in

responsibility. However, that doesn't mean that that responsibility doesn't come with additional burdens, and additional dangers in it as well. So in reality, the woman she accepts what Allah Subhana Allah has chosen for her, and she's content with that her obedience is to Allah first and foremost, and every obedience to everyone in anything, anyone else is nothing more than a father, a branch of obedience to Allah subhanaw taala. And as for the man, the man is in the same situation. He also has people who have been chosen over him, be it whether it be his mother, who is who has a degree of virtue over him, whether it is and a degree of success.

authority over him, his parents, his mother, whether it be the the ruler who is in charge over him and has a degree of responsibility over him. Ultimately, this is a society we live in. And this concept in which is a very non Islamic concept, a very honest slamet concept, that we we should all be entirely equal in all of our responsibilities, and rights and so on. That's not how Allah set out the society, Allah subhanaw taala set out our society with people who are responsible over other people, and people who are preferred in certain things over other people. And give another simple example, example of lineage. There are some people who are not preferred in lineage over other

people, there are some people who are like, give a better lineage than other people. Does that mean everyone who has that quality will be above everyone else in gender, we, at the end of the day, or in this world, in order to be tested to worship Allah azza wa jal to know allies or gel and worship him based upon that knowledge. And we're striving for gender. And that's what matters. And what doesn't matter is who has been given a degree of responsibility over someone else. So for us to sit and fight against this, it doesn't make any sense. Because in reality, if we sat here fighting with each other over who has that degree of responsibility, first of all, it is a large right to give it

to whoever he wants, and Allah knows better, who to give it to, and when to give it to them. So panel a to add, and that matters the same for the man for the woman. And in many different situations. In some of them, you'll be, you'll be given that responsibility as men as women, for example, as we said, the mother over her children, in some situations, you someone else will be given that responsibility over you. What matters is Islam, submission to Allah subhanaw taala, and to Allah laws and to our last decree, and to what Allah has legislated, that's what matters. And ultimately, as a Muslim, the more you realize that submission and achieve it, the more content you

will be with what you have been given, and what Allah azzawajal has decreed for you. And like we said, The same thing can be said of the man, it's not a gender issue here, it's an issue of submission to the laws of allies soldier.

And same thing could happen for a man he could crave to be in a position of leadership, he could say I wished I could be, you know, a governor, or a leader or a ruler. But ally xojo has a choice it for him instead of loss of habitat and made him underneath a subject of another governor or ruler or somebody responsible. So ultimately, we all have to submit to what Eliza gel has chosen for us and make the best of what allies chosen for us. And we talked about the Hadeeth earlier on about the woman who prays a five daily prayers and she passed her month of Ramadan and she keeps her chastity as she obeys her husband. And it will be said to her yo malkia, enter from whichever the doors of

gender you wish any of the gates have been so powerless or what Allah subhanaw taala might take away, he will give alpha mobile alpha many times over from another angle, the husband, he got that extra daraja extra level of rights, that extra level of responsibilities. Also, he got that extra level. And yet it's not said to him Yokoyama, enter whichever door you wish, if he wants to go through the door fasting, he has to be, you know, so one has to be someone who is fasting all the time. If he wants to go through other doors, he has to be from the people from gates of gender, he has to be from the people who do those actions. As for the woman alive, so he took away that data

from her, took away that extra degree of responsibility and that extra degree of rights analyzer which will give her in place, that if she obeys her husband, and fulfills the basic tenets of Islam, it will be said to her enter from whichever of the doors of Paradise you wish. So don't don't let anyone get upset. Don't let anyone get frustrated with the commands of Allah as origin. And ultimately, we all know that as human beings, we are all flawed. So any husband who has a degree of responsibility over his wife, he knows that he's not going to match that standard all the time. And it that's going to be frustrating for her sometimes that she says Allah gave him this degree of

responsibility over me. And sometimes, Allah homestyle It feels like he's not, it feels like he isn't fulfilling that properly. But that is the nature of all of us. You know, all of us have flaws. And that's how we're going to talk about marital discord and so on. One thing she's also really important to define is that this these rights well 100

Mr. Levy, Ali hiner bill my roof well originally la hiner de Raja,

the rights that belong to the wife. And notice Allah spoke about about boys. First of all, Allah didn't say the rights of the husband first. Allah didn't say what a home mythical lady la him. Allah subhanho wa Taala when Mr Leddy it when Allah spoke about the context of the wife, the wife has rights, that are equivalent to those that are obligations over her bill Morrow, according to that, which is good and according to custom, when originally la hypnagogia, and men have a degree over them, this entire idea is defined what defines for us the rights of the wife, what defines her obligations, what defines the matter who that which is good and that which is higher, and that which

is blessed by Allah? What defines the data that the man has over his wife, what defines those things, they defined by the book of Allah by the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and by what is contained within them, ie what is indicated, we have, you know, consensus, and so on and so forth. Those are the laws and rules of Islam, how they're structured, but the Quran and the Sunnah is what defines for us the rights of the husband, the rights of the wife. And if we don't define them, by the book of Allah, and by the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam what's going to happen? We're gonna disagree on everything.

Every single thing, we're going to disagree, husband and wife, we're gonna fight about everything, because there's no common ground. And one of the most beautiful, beautiful things in Islam is that when you agree to this contract, there is already a template available for what the husband and what the wife are going to do the rights of one another, there's a template. Now that template as we're going to hear, it may not be always some things will be fixed, but it might not always be fixed is possible when it comes to mutual rights for a husband to give up some rights for a wife to give up some rights. That's also possible because when it comes to

her Coke, and a bird, the rights of people, it is possible for people to give up rights and we come to talk about solar and things like that insha Allah, Allah will mention about giving up rights for others and things like that.

But here what we want to establish is that there's a template that is given to you. There's something given to you that says, This is what the Quran says your rights are. This is what the Quran and the Sunnah says your obligations are, this is what the Quran and the Sunnah says that you have as a daraja as a man, you have this degree of responsibility, and this these, these particular unique rights that are for you, that you lost planet Allah has given to you. This is what maruf is, this is what goodness is. And you have a framework of rights and a framework of obligations that is laid out for you by the Quran, by the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and that's

why when I mean we're not quite onto the topic of marital discord just yet, but when we get to the topic of marital discord, as a marriage counselor, one of the things I've always will start with is to start with, okay, let's start with the rights of the husband, and the rights of the wife. And let's look at where the flaws and the mistakes are coming in. And usually, most of the time, those flaws and those mistakes are on both sides and allies which one was best usually.

And that means that they're there that we haven't got that math ela, we haven't got that more Karbala, we haven't got that equivalency, we haven't got that opposite rates where one has a right than the other one and one and then the other nuts because that that system of rights is broken down. So it's defined for us by the book of Allah and by the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Still on the topic of this ayah there are a couple of extra points that we can talk about, is it therefore, if we talk about more Karbala, and we have covered this more detail later on, but if we talk about more Karbala we talk about the husband has a right in response to an

obligation that he gives to his wife. In other words, he gives the obligation he gets the right she gives the obligation she gets the right like that. Is it the case then, that a wife may withhold some of her husband's rights because he

withholds her rights. Again, more discussion will have on this issue allied to topical and assures the arguments and the discord between husband and wife. But this is an opinion of many of the scholars of Islam, that this ayah indicates the permissibility of if, if the husband is deliberately withholding some of the wife's rights, that she has the right to withhold some of his rights while are holding me through la de la him. However, this is no doubt enough and Allah

is in opposition to what is the best thing to do. Because ultimately, if we go down that route, there'll be a times as we said, we're all flawed. There'll be times where the husband doesn't quite do his job. And then the wife withholds right then the husband withholds one then the wife withholds one then the husband withholds one until the point where the marriage will just break down completely. So here we're going to talk more about it in marital discord but because this is used as an evidence for it, we wanted to mention it we wanted to mention it here and on the topic of ultimate alpha i want to quote you with a mama Sadie or I'm allowed to Allah said he said well

you're in marital for well either Algeria Fie Valley, Cal Bella Weatherly, Casa man, me Mythili. Her limits Lee, he said that this matter goes back to el mar off. And he defined on matter off he said it is the customs which are present in that country and not time. For someone like her and someone like him, I thought it's a very beautiful way of putting it is the rights that are present, that are the norms that are taking place that are that are normal things that are taking place in that country, and not time for that kind of woman and that kind of man. So there are four aspects to that Earth. One is that the country and the place that they're living in, one is the time that they are

living in. One is the status of that wife and her position in the society and the status of the husband and that position in society. And that's what's going to define cultural norms for us as it relates to the marriage, we're going to look at the country. What the people in that country do, we're gonna look at the time, because Victorian England is not like modern day England, for example, nor is the time of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in what is now Saudi Arabia, like what is like it is like now in in Makkah, or in Medina, today in hijas. Today, for example. So there is going to be a difference in earth, according to country, there's going to be a difference in the

earth according to time. And there's going to be a difference according to the husband and the wife. Because if the husband is, for example, a billionaire, there's going to be certain expectations of him, which are, are that which are either jatiya, they are customs, which are norms you would expect from someone of that level of wealth. If the wife is a princess, she's going to have certain expectations and certain requirements, and certain things which are normal for princesses in the country in which she lives. So these are kind of strange examples. But I just wanted to kind of get that idea into your mind that we're going to look at the country, we're going to look at the time,

we're going to look at the wife and the husband to understand what the norms should be. Now, as we said, the norms are where we dial in the specifics, actually, Islam is going to give us plenty of framework, plenty of rules and regulations. But the exact meaning of them, the exact amount that the husband spends, it's going to depend on the country, it's going to depend on the time that we're living in is going to depend on his wife, and what her status and expectations are. And it's going to depend on him and what his abilities and his status and expectation is. So each of those is going to define the minute details whereas the Shetty is going to give us a framework that we can work

within. Finally, to conclude this episode, I want to remind you of the effort of me advice from academia that evening I buzzworthy Allahumma. He said in the letter Hippo and at ASEAN and in Mara come up with Hippo and to Z and le anila has allegedly occurred. What a who name is lady alley. This is narrated by an OSI and kouvola and others that evening I bassy said I love to adorn myself for my wife, just like I would love for her to adorn herself for me to beautify herself for me, because Allah said, Well 100 me through la de la Nebula model. This The reason why I mentioned this is to show that this ayah doesn't just encompass obligations, but also is that if the husband and this is

how we've been advised

To the eye, if the husband wants certain things from his wife, he needs to be prepared to give certain things from his side. And it may not always be math that uttama one for one. But it may be that he feels like, you know, I want her to beautify herself for me. And that is one of my rights. But at the same time, I have to be willing to give something, I have to be willing to show something. And the more a person strives for a son, the more they strive for that kind of equivalence in terms of the more they're seeing that even if it's not, maybe doesn't oblige me to do this, I should strive to do it. Because ultimately, I want her to do things for me. And it has to be

give and take. And that is something you can take from the IOA Hoon me through la de la hinda Bill Maher off, that there has to be given take there has to be a big effort and and definitely we're not just talking about ropewalk we're also talking about his son striving for excellence striving to be better than you ever thought you could be a better husband you ever thought you could be a better wife than you ever thought you could be. And to do that you have to be willing to give even more than the minimum standard which Islam requires from you. That's what a lie made easy for me to mention in this episode and a line was best was Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala early he

was so happy he married a Salaam Alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be wanting, make sure you head over to am [email protected]