The Muslim Family #03 – Marriage

Tim Humble

Channel: Tim Humble

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The Start of a Muslim Family

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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leeuw Alhambra lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was Salam ala Abdullah he was solely he Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi edge mine Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh As always, we begin with the praise of Allah. And by asking Allah to exalt dementia grant peace to our messenger Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, to his family and his companions. This is another episode, another part of this short course on the Muslim family brought to you by a madrasa, Allah Maria. In the previous parts, and the previous episodes, we had spoken about the general understanding of the family, the Muslim family, just from a general overview, and some of the IR

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which we can benefit from in that regard and some of the benefits we can take just looking at the Muslim family as a whole. And now we shall allow to Allah we want to start being a little bit more specific. And so we're going to begin where Allah subhanaw taala began a lot so he told us and sorted out off in a number 189 who led Hala kakum mean Neff Singh, WA Haider, what Jimin has heard, yes, schooner Illa. Allah azzawajal said, He is the one who created you from a single soul and made and here the word Jalla means colorcore. He created he created from that soul from Adam alayhis salam, his wife, Lee Yes, schooner Ella and we're going to come more to this in the next ayah Charla

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but in order for him to find peace, to find respite and tranquility and also to live alongside her as I said, inshallah, to Allah will delay that till we get to the a and sort of room where we're going to discuss it in a bit more detail. But here, what we wanted to establish is that Allah azza wa jal began the Muslim family by creating for Adam alayhis salam, his wife her work, and those two from them, as we've heard in the in the IRA, which we spoke about the very first IRA in sort of Nisa,

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in which Eliza, which tells us what best Semin, Homer regional and Kathy are on when he sir, and from those two came many men and many women. So Allah azza wa jal tells us that the Muslim family began with Adam. And that's something which tells us the importance of the Muslim family in reality, because it's something that began at the very beginning Allah subhanaw taala, right from the very beginning of the creation of mankind, Allah subhanaw taala from his wisdom, and from his infinite knowledge, Eliza gel created for Adam, his spouse, his wife, Hawa, and that was the beginning of the Muslim family. And so that's where we're going to begin inshallah, to Allah, our detailed discussion

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on the Muslim family. After we've done that little overview, and that little kind of summary, we're now going to go into the details, and we're going to look at specifically marriage in Islam. And again, we're going to break down marriage into various lessons, various episodes or parts of the course inshallah, so we're going to start with a general discussion on marriage, the goals of marriage, the ruling of marriage in Islam, the purposes of marriage in Islam, and then we're going to talk about the characteristics of the husband, the characteristics of the wife, and the nature of marriage in Islam. So we're going to try to separate those, instead of just talking about like, a

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lot of the time you find these two put together, sort of, who should the husband be and what are his rights and who should the wife be and what are her rights, I tried to separate it inshallah, to Allah in the coming episodes on parts of this course in sha Allah saw that the issue is more we go into more detail what are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim husband? And what are the characteristics you should find in the ideal Muslim wife and then look at the basis for this marriage this contract that exists between them, what is it based upon what are the rights and the expectations of each party, and we can go on from there and shout Allahu to Allah to look at some of

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the differences and, and also some of the issues that happen when things don't go right and then inshallah to Allah onwards from that we can look at other parts of the Muslim family, talk about children and so on. So today, inshallah Allah, what I want to do is to take the issue of marriage in a very general way, look at some of the general ayat about marriage, and also look at some of its wisdom, the purpose, the benefits, and the rules.

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willings a short long time. So we said that a lies that we shall began by creating Adam alayhis salam, and creating for Adam, his wife, Howard. So what is this whole idea of marriage that we might call an Arabic zoa? What is that even linguistically? Where does this even come from this word zenwatch. So the word or the zine and Tao and the jeem xojo from which the word zenwatch comes linguistically, it means l lt about what acteon it means two things being bound together and paired up together. And that's why you know, ferdous Rahim Allah to Allah He said more hard on it will she be she? He said this. And you know, even ofertas Rahim Allah to Allah one of the things you can take

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from his his margin match is lower his dictionary, which deals with the definition of Arabic words, one of the very beautiful things is that he really summarizes it for you. And he really brings you just one or two core sort of meanings for a particular word. And he said work hard on to shape the shape for something to come along with to be paired up with to be alongside something else. So linguistically, two things I particularly benefit from this. The first is that the ties between the husband and wife have very, very strong ties. Even the word zenwatch indicates that the word marriage indicates that and even in even in in English, when we use the word marriage, you can see

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if you're using outside just linguistically, you can say, to marry those two things up I to put them together. And for them to be kind of

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bound to each other or tied up with each other. So that's one of the meanings of lt about what it takes for them to be tied and bound to one another. And that could be talking about how heavy an oath that marriage is and how serious it is in Islam also already chalok gonna speak about that inshallah Allah the ayat, which talk about the weighty nature of marriage and a hadith that talks about how serious marriage is. So it's something which leads to lt about a leads to the two things being connected to one another, and tied to one another, and coming together with one another and being paired up with one another. As for in the Sharia, that is usually defined, and there are some

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very, very different definitions that the scholars mentioned. But here we can perhaps just mentioned one of them, that some of the scholars define marriage as actin up to Henley estimator, Cooley, minella, predating bill, Alhaji mature, they said that it is an act, it is a contract. That's the essence of what zenwatch isn't. And that's why we say later on in sha Allah, as we progress through this course, we're gonna look at the nature of the contract. After we've looked at the nature of the husband and the wife, and then look at the nature of the contract, it's an act. It's an agreement, a contract. And this agreement is one that makes it permissible for the husband and the wife to be

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intimate with each other in the way that the Sharia has legislated. And that is, in a way it shows you just how powerful the issue of marriage is. Because it wasn't allowed for those two to be together prior to that act. They weren't allowed to be together. Of course, we don't have the whole boyfriend and girlfriend and engagement and fiance type of things in the religion of Islam. They weren't they were strangers to one another. They weren't allowed to be together. And then this Act came in place this contract, this agreement that took place that made it permissible for them to be able to be together to be a husband and wife, and to be intimate with one another in the way that

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the Sharia has legislated. So that's something which I think is it just sets the scene for what marriage is in Islam and how serious and important this act this contract is, and that it brings two people together that were complete strangers that were completely away from one another that didn't have those ties with one another. And then this act, this contract brings them together. So I think that's something which is profound and worth thinking about. Allies. So it just tells us in the Quran, that marriage is an ayah from the ayat of allies origin. It's a sign from the signs of Allah as origin. Allah subhanaw taala said women at he and Holla Holla comin and forsaken as

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Lita schooner, la ha, Allah, wa Jalla Bina como de tiempo Rama in fiza de calor, tingly, komiya tuffa cone, Allah Subhana. Allah told us

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In surah, two Rome is number 21. And allies though just so we can understand this, where this ayah comes in sort of Rome, Allah azza wa jal is telling us about the ayat or some of the ayat battled with it. Some of the signs of allies

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and allies that which I mentioned prior to that, in the 20th is or to Rome, how allies or gel created mankind, and then made mankind as a creation that was spread out all over the earth, and that this is one of the signs of a lie, like we said, a lot. So Joel created Adam, and from the signs of Allah. Now when we see the Ayat of Allah here, what are we what are we referring to? So when we're referring to the Ayat of Allah here, and I, of course, we know that a lot of the time but the word AI itself is a sign or a proof. And here, Allah azza wa jal tells us that marriage is an ayah, from the Ayat of Allah. It is a sign and a proof from the signs and the proofs of a lie. So

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whichever, and we know that there are a atolla, which are komiya and podria, there are Ayat of Allah, in what Allah azza wa jal created in what Allah is a gel decreed. There are signs of Allah subhanaw taala, in that, and this comes many times in the court, unlike the statement of a lot. So whichever one you emphasize, you can fly towards your own. In your own self, there are a lot there are signs, there are proofs, even in your own self, if you would only if you only look. So here are lies, he is telling us about marriage, and he says what mean it from the signs of Eliza which so what is it a sign off? What is it an indication of or a proof of, it's a sign of the power of a lie

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soldier, the decree of Allah subhanaw taala the knowledge of Allah Subhana Allah, the wisdom that exists in all of the things that lie decrees, this is a sign from the signs of Allah subhanaw taala and it shows a loss of infinite power. It shows Allah's infinite wisdom. And it shows the knowledge that Allah azzawajal has of his creation that Allah Subhana Allah created his creation and created for them, this institution of marriage, women AR T and Hala lakum that Allah created for you, that Elias HL created for you. And this again, we spoke about how the family is a blessing from the blessings of Allah azza wa jal in previous episodes, we spoke about the if applicable to the human

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well being are Matilda homeotic furoate Is it the false hood that they believe in and the blessings of Allah that they are ungrateful for, we spoke about in the context of the family, and the family is a blessing from the blessings of Allah. Here again, is another evidence for that, that allies which are created for you, for you as a blessing for you. And here are the scholars of Tafseer different the majority of the scholars of tifosi they said that this ayah is directed towards the males towards the men.

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And that Allah azza wa jal tells us that Allah subhanaw taala created our wives for us, just as a lie. So Jen, and that goes back to the beginning, we talked about how we're and and Adam, that a lot so Joel created how work for Adam halaqa, lakum,

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and others among the scholars of Tafseer. They said that the left come here it means for the men and the women together, in other words, that allies are gel created the spouses for each other. He created the, the the wife, for the husband, and the husband for the wife, Minh and for SQL, woman, IoT and holla. Polycom, Minh and for SQL, Allah azza wa jal created for you from yourselves. And again, from yourselves here. There's a couple of different ways we can understand this statement from yourselves. One is to say that the word from your cells refers to Adam and how would that how well it was created from the, from the rib of Adam, Allah Himself. And so she was created from Adam.

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But also we can take this more broadly. And we can also say that this refers to the fact that husband and wife, as we said, are both human beings are both of the same kind, the same type. And so that that's why there is this love and mercy and affection and care and forgiveness that exists between and if Allah subhanaw taala had made them of different kinds, you know, you hear that people have that expression that says

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Men are from Mars and women are from Venus or something like that. The point is here that Allah azzawajal specifically tells us in the Quran that it's not like that. The reason that husband and wife can come together as a pair as a partner, as spouses is because they are mean emphases. They are from each other, they're from the same, they have the same kind of each other.

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Men and fusi come as

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spouses from your own selves. And that's from the wisdom of allies origin and from the power of allies from Allah subhanaw taala is supreme knowledge of his creation, that Allah azza wa jal decreed that he would create for the spouses or he would create spouses for each other from the same kind. Lee test skoon la Ha. And here is where we really need to think about this part of the ayah. Because Li test, schooner, Li, Li test schooner, it comes back to a second and a sukoon.

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And these words, we can look at it in 2d, we could actually look at it in many different ways. It's not even that we can look at it in two different ways. But I'm going to mention two just to show you the contrast. We can see it as being a second in terms of living together. So Allah azza wa jal created husband and wife to live together as a household and we said, this is the beginning of the Muslim of the Muslim family that they live together as a household and they spend time with each other. So that's part of it, he tests como la her. But that's not the the main or that's not the only thing and it's perhaps not even the main thing that you take. The main thing that you take from

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a second and a sukoon is a some of the scholars said it is the opposite of Al Harker. It's the opposite of moving around and Rob, being kind of shaky. So it's about being still and it's about being tranquil and finding peace and finding contentment. And that is the primary meaning that we take from this detached school led her to find tranquility with them, to find peace with them, to find even you could say stillness, not being shaky, you know, being still and being calm with them, to find what some people might call a sukoon. Peace, you know, some of them talk about to a man or a woman and tranquility. That is one of the one of the major reasons for which Allah azza wa jal

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legislated this amazing, and this wise creation that our Lost Planet Allah tells us about and it's one of the Ayat of Allah, one of the signs of a Lost Planet Allah in His creation that he did, so that allies or gel created spouses, husband and wife, to find tranquility with one another, and to find peace with one another. And that's why some of the scholars said when they came to the state medic test school, he lay that the ILA here, what it means is, it means for the heart to find peace for the heart, and it's talking about a matter of the heart. And that's what the word Isla. Isla means here talks about a matter of the heart, the test schooner led her to find tranquility in the

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heart.

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And ultimately, that also tells us I mean, we can come back to this idea many times, but even it talks about the kind of relationship they should be between husband and wife, it should be that, let's say the husband has been out all day.

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And he's been work. And he's, you know, he's stressed. And he's been struggling with various different things, he should come back and open the door of his house and find a second, tranquility and peace. Maybe not even with his kids, maybe his kids are also stressing him out as well. But when he sits alone with his wife, he finds sakeena. He's peaceful, he's tranquil, he's happy. Also, some of the scholars mentioned this about the test scores. They had they mentioned alpha, happiness, content, all those feelings of the heart. And also, it also indicates the body as well. But talking about the the heart. Likewise, the wife, the wife, let's say she's been busy all day, the kids have

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been screaming and shouting and fighting with each other. And the husband comes in and she spent some time with a husband, I should find that tranquility and peace. And that's inshallah, one of the objectives that we have behind this course behind the Muslim family. And the element of it that deals with marriage is to encourage all of us to improve ourselves so that we can be from those people that have that second

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tranquility and that contentment of the heart when we are with our spouses, Shere Khan Islam wouldn t me or him allowed to Allah mentioned in this, that it refers to both the heart and the body. So it has here, the issue of Lee test como la ha, it contains within it, the matters of the heart and the matters of the body. So physically, you you know you spend time together, you live together under one roof. Your spouse is the closest person to you in a physical sense. And also in terms of the heart, the one that makes your heart peaceful and tranquil and brings you happiness and contentment with gyla bainer calm my word datawalk

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with Jada Dana come my way to Tijuana. Before we come to this just on that previous point on that on the previous part of the ayah the test cuando la her isn't this one of the signs of Allah subhanaw taala how Eliza gel created love between the spouses. how Allah subhanaw taala put contentment in their hearts how Eliza gel made them be able to live with one another in peace and tranquility and happiness. That's a sign from the signs of a Lost Planet Allah it's a sign which indicates the immense wisdom of a lie soldier the knowledge of Allah Subhana Allah, Allah has infinite ability, all of those things are indicated by the fact that the couple's the husband and the wife, they live

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together like that. What gyla bainer comm my word datawalk and Allah placed between you know what, and

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before we talk about the more debt and I want to stop on this word, where jalepeno Allah azza wa jal is the one who places love and mercy between the hearts of the spouses. And that tells us two things. First of all, it tells us that real love and real mercy can only be found through what Allah has made halaal and what allies made permissible, they can't be found through what allies made her. And that's why all of the people living all over the world, in relationships outside of marriage, they will never ever find more data, they will never ever find that that true love that is more than shout out. It's more than desire, or it's more than passion. It's more than just, you know, quote

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unquote, falling in love is something more than that, they will never find it because a Lost Planet Allah is the one who placed my wife, and Rama placed love and mercy between the spouses. And also it tells us how powerful the feelings of marriage are, from his that some of the scholars mentioned that when you separate from your family, or you separate from your spouse, maybe for example, you have to go away for a long time, or perhaps one of them passes away. Or perhaps the marriage breaks down in some way and they separate, it can be harder than a person upon a person than anything else, it can be harder than because the feelings are so strong. And why are the feeling so strong, because

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Allah subhanaw taala is the one who put that momentum. And that Rama between the spouses, Allah subhanaw taala, put it between them. And so it's something much more powerful than the Shahada, the desires that might come when people sort of enter into relationships they're not supposed to be in, maybe it might last a while for a few weeks or months, whatever Allah decrees, but ultimately, it's not the real thing. The real thing is what Allah subhanaw taala puts between the heart of the husband and the wife Maota and Rama. I want to look at this, Madame Rama from a couple of different angles. First of all, I would like to look at more debt and Rama in terms of the general meaning. So

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my word debt is like some of the scholars said and muhabba was he had, it's love, and more. It's love that comes along with support. It's love that comes along with friendship, it's love that comes along with sacrifice. These are some of the things that I found from the people of knowledge they mentioned about this word, moped, it's love that comes along with extra it comes along with support. So it's not just about

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you know, like we might turn passion, but also about supporting each other being there for each other, being friends to one another, helping each other out having each other's back,

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giving up sacrifice for one another, sacrificing

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for each other giving up your rights for the other one that is part of an MOA.

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And more datum war Rama

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and Rama here is mercy. So I wanted to look at these two words and merge

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See, what does that include, by the way, mercy includes forgiveness, it includes being kind to a person. B, it includes a son, you know, x striving for excellence in your relationship with that person. All of these things are indicated by a mortar and aroma. But one of the beautiful things you can take here is to look at the contrast between the two, the contrast between Maota and Rama here in the eye, so we can take them together, or we can take them apart. And what I mean by that is we can take them together as in how mawatha and Rama, love, affection and mercy should be in the marriage all the time. But we can also look at how one of them might be stronger than the other one

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at different times.

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So my wife,

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just think about it as love and care and affection. What happens when that love and care and affection isn't as strong as maybe it should be? What happens when you have an argument, what happens when, you know the the, that that love is just having a an off day, you know, it's not there a strong enough feeling a strong then comes the Rama, the mercy. So actually, if you look at the two, they can contrast each other, you can have more debt, which refers to the good times. And you know, you love each other and you care for each other, and you're so affectionate to each other, you you really look out for each other. But then you also have a Rama, that when things are not going

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well, you have mercy on each other, you overlook each other's faults, you forgive each other. That's one way of looking at it. But that's just one way of looking at it if we take it from the other way. And we took it about that how you bring those two things together, then some of the scholars they mentioned the strength of the marriage is in these two things, the strength of the marriage is that it's not just love, it's love and mercy come together. So it brings together all of the essential elements of the marriage in terms of what the marriage should be based upon. And that could be like we talked about love, it could be a Nussle supporting each other, it could be an ethos of

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sacrificing for each other. It could be an apple, overlooking each other's faults. This is the essence upon which Allah subhanaw taala has built this relationship. And that's why it's so strong, because it's built upon my word, what a hammer is built upon affection and love. And it's built upon mercy. And when those two come together, it makes the strength of it makes that the strength of the bond that exists between the husband and wife alive. So just said in Effie Valley color at the komiya ticker on in this there are many signs, Allah didn't even see one side, there are many signs for a people who think and reflect. And actually if you were to sit and think and reflect about this

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ayah, you would be able to think about so many different benefits that come from this, if I'm just going to mention one example of a benefit that you could take from this ayah just by to the book just by thinking about it and reflecting about it. This ayah contains the importance of compatibility between the spouses. Because Allah azza wa jal, sadly, test schooner Ella, and to get that Sakina or their second or sukoon, to get that tranquility, and not being you know, finding peace in your heart when you're with them. That requires a certain amount of compatibility. And that's why allies we just talked about the basic compatibility that exists between men and women,

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between husband and wife a lot talked about the basic compatibility. When he said, women iottie and Haleakala come in emphasis from the Ayat of Allah is that he created for you from yourselves. So that tells us the basic compatibility, but the more we strive to find that compatibility between the husband and wife, the more we hope that it will lead to a second will lead to peace and tranquility, as sukoon and a second, and, and and MOA and love and Rama and mercy. So it does tell us the importance of finding that compatibility. But when I say compatibility here, and we'll stress it, we'll talk about the characteristics of the husband and the wife and the relationship in the

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marriage. It doesn't mean it has to be identical. It doesn't mean that they have to be the same. It just means that they have to find that second, and when they're looking to get married, they should be looking at is this a person that I can find that Sakina with, you know, not that it's a from this angle, for example, when some of the scholars speak about the issue of marrying someone who has different customs to you, different culture to you. And while we say this

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is not forbidden in Islam, the concern the scholars raised over it is they raised a concern that it person might get in a situation where they are not finding that tranquility and that peace with one another because of the issue of having different customs and different culture among them and different expectations from one another. So what I took from this is one of the things that you can just make to that border, just think about and just reflect upon when it comes to this ayah is the importance of finding that common ground and that compatibility and the more you find that common ground and compatibility, the more that will be based on that will lead to that mawatha underarmour.

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And of course, the more dental Rama is something and this is from the Ayat of Allah azza wa jal that we can take as well, is that the mud and the Rama, the affection and the mercy are something that grow. As we said, these two people didn't know one another until they got married. They, you know, as we know, they looked at one another, they met one another, they got the agreement to marry, but they really didn't know one another until they got married. And yet Allah subhanaw taala cause that love and that mercy and that affection to increase as time went on. And again, we can take, bring that back to issues of finding common ground and finding compatibility. That's what allies are,

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which have made it easy for me to mention in this episode. We move on from here and shall allow to other we're also going to be talking about some of the IRS generally that deal with marriage and some of the benefits that we can take from that. And that's what I realized was you had made it easy to mention and Orlando's best was Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi ajmeri

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as salaam alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be running, make sure you head over to am au add home.com