Channel: Taimiyyah Zubair
salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh who
are the bIllahi min ash shaytani R rajim Bismillah Al Rahman Al Rahim wa Salatu was Salam ala Rasulillah Hill Karim rubbish Rocklea Saudi where Siddeley MD Wilderotter melissani of Cabo Cote. Allahumma the economy was sadly Sani was ruled schemata Colby Erminia Robin either mean
what either said Allah Kariba de Omni for inequality. And when my slaves ask you about Me, then indeed I am near OG Buddha or with a dairy either Darren, I respond to the dura of the dairy, the supplication of the caller, the call of the caller, when he calls upon me, fell yesterday bully, so they should respond to me. Well, you know, be and they should believe in me learn the homeo schoon so that they are rightly guided Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran, that he is worried, he is near he is morjim He responds. So we should all ask Allah subhanaw taala for our needs, and our dreams, our goals, our wishes, and anything that we are struggling with in our lives, we should turn
to Allah subhanaw taala and ask him to aid us to help us because Allah answers and in this verse, we are encouraged to call upon Him in order that we may be rightly guided in order to
find out what the best thing to do is, turn to Allah. Ask Him for help. Today in sha Allah, we're going to be talking about doors for one's spouse and marriage. Remember, marriage is a huge blessing. In fact, it is an AKA a sign from the signs of Allah. Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran, women Aya T and color color come in and fusi come as wager and of His Signs is that he created for you from yourselves mates spouses, why Lita schooner Elena, that you may find tranquility in them. So, the purpose of marriage is what so that people find tranquility in one another. What jar Allah by nakoma Ditton well Rama and he placed between you affection and mercy.
These two are key ingredients for a happy marriage, affection and mercy. In Aveda Anika is tilicho me at the for karoun Indeed in that are Signs for people who give thought we see that marriage is something that is encouraged in our religion. In fact, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam instructed young people to get married. In a hadith we learned the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that he Mr. Shah was Shabaab all group of young men or all group of youths, meaning all young people, and especially he was addressing the men that whoever Have you can support a wife should marry. Why? Because marriage controls the gaze. It helps you control your eyes and preserves
one from immorality. And he it protects a person from from doing wrong things as well. And whoever cannot marry should fast because it is a means of reducing the desire so fast in order to develop discipline and self control. If a person is not able to marry Allah subhanaw taala says in the Quran, what n keahole Hmm income will Solly Hanuman arriba de como Eema eco and marry the unmarried among you meaning those who are unmarried, get them married, and also the righteous among Your male slaves and female slaves. And not just the free but also those who are slaves, get them married, because this is a human need. And Allah subhana wa Tada promises over there that in your corner
Fukada a unique him Allah whom in fugly. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is all encompassing and knowing.
We learned that marriage is a sunnah of the prophets of Allah. And he not only Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam but even the prophets before him. Allah subhanaw taala tells us that what occurred
I will sell now Lululemon publica would your honor Allah home as well John with Reja and we have already sent messengers before you and we assigned to them wives and children, any other money his salon. He had Hawa, no holiday Sarah, we learned he was also married Luth Arnie, Sarah, and he all of the prophets of Allah, we learned Musa alayhis salam, we learn that they were married they had as well as they had wives, Ibrahim Ali Salam and also the real children.
we see that marriage is a sunnah of the prophets. And we learned that when some people, they came to the wives of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam, and they inquired about his his habits. They seem to have belittled the amount of worship that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did. So one of the men he said, that I will not marry, another man said that I will not sleep in the night. And the third said that I will always fast. So when the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam found out about this, he did not approve of this, and he addressed the people and he said, that I am the most God fearing among you, and most knowing of God among you all. And I pray in the night and I sleep
because that one man said, I will not sleep in the night the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, I pray in the night and I also sleep in the night. Another man had said that I will fast all the time. The prophets of Allah who already have wa sallam said, I fast some days and do not fast other days. Another man had said that I will not marry the prophets of Allah who already has an upset that I marry women. And then he warned he gave a warning that whoever turns away from my sooner than he is not of Me. So it is not religiosity, it is not piety, that a person forbids himself from marriage, or that a person forbids himself from sleeping in the night or a person
forbids himself from ever taking a break from fasting. In fact, the height of religiosity of devotion of servitude is in the practice of the prophets of Allah. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his worship, his actions his lifestyle, is that which is most loved by Allah subhanaw taala which is why we have been told that in contempt or a boon Allah for to be ruining that if you love Allah, then follow me meaning follow the prophets of Allah who already who ascended and then what will happen, you become Allah, Allah who love you. So remember that asceticism, this is not a part of our religion, where people abandon worldly or human desires, and they completely abandon
them. No, there is moderation. So for example, yes, we are allowed to eat, but we have been taught that lead to three foo, do not commit access, where we eat on Sundays freely, we are also supposed to fast on some days, where we are to sleep in the night, we are also encouraged to pray in the night and when it comes to marriage, then this is not something in decent, the relationship the lawful relationship between a husband and wife is not something indecent, it is not something gross, it is not something you know, that is the unbefitting to a believer, no, it is completely befitting. In fact, we learned the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that there is reward when a person
has intimate relations with their spouse and the sahaba. were surprised that how is that so? And the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam explained that if a person were to fulfill that desire in an unlawful way, then what they're not incur sin? And the companion said, Yes, so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam explained that when a person fulfills their desire in a lawful way, then there is reward in that. So, we see over here, through these verses and Hadith, that marriage is something not only permissible, it is something that is encouraged. In fact, it is rewarded. It is a sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu Where do you send them? It is a gift, a blessing in this world. And Allah azza wa
jal, who has created us, knows us. And He has created us with different types of needs, and has given us a religion that accommodates all of these needs in a healthy way. We are not forbidden from fulfilling our needs. In fact, we are guided to fulfill them in a healthy, responsible way.
So the first thought that we're going to look at when it comes to dogs for spouses is the one in silico for con, where Allah subhanaw taala mentions the Rebadow Rahman, his worshipers and
And one of the draws they make is that they say Robina habla Anna, Minh as well Gina with 30 year Tina code what are you what your honor living with Akina ima that our Lord grant us from among our spouses and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous. Now here we see that the rebuttal men are asking Allah to give them the gift of puller to Aryan through their as wedge and through their the yard. Now as wedge is a plural of zones and zones is one of a pair. And the word Zote applies to both husband and wife. So XO Jane, the two xojo refers to the husband and wife. So when a man when men make this durata and as wadge refers to wives, and when women make this
Doriath and as wadge refers to husbands, so both women and men can make this dua they should make this thorough, that our Lord grant us coolness of the eyes, through our spouses, through our children. And when it comes to a coolness of the eyes, and you're praying to Allah, that Allah Allah, grant us comfort through our spouses. So first of all, those who are not married, when they make this thorough in this thorough they're asking for the blessing of a happy marriage. Because hablando mean as wodgina Any, they're asking Allah subhanaw taala for as much and they're asking for a happy marriage for for Gura to argue. And remember that being single, any, that is something that
is hard. And finding a good spouse brings to a person not only good good companionship, it brings them a friendship, it brings them the fulfillment of, of physical desire, and it's also a completion of half their faith. The Prophet sallallahu sallam said that either at the zoo, what I'll do faculty staff malonis for Dean, that when a slave of Allah, when a worshipper of Allah gets married, then they are completing half of their religion. So they should fear Allah in regards to what remains why, because when a person gets married, then a lot of they are protected from a lot of, you know, wrong, and, and
You know, desire that is unfulfilled, and when a person is married, then there's a level of sukoon that, you know, I am married, and a person is able to focus on other things in their life. I mean, this is very common people who are not married, and who want to get married, the only thing that's on their mind is marriage. If they meet someone, if they talk to someone, and it's constantly on their mind, and they're not able to focus on their studies, they're not able to focus on their work. So, when a person gets married, then it's as if they are completing half of their faith. And in marriage, any there's a lot of opportunity to do good. Because now a person has a supporter, in the
worship of Allah, someone who can remind them, someone who will assist them, someone who will, you know, worship Allah along with them. So it worship becomes easier. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, that Foliot Aquila, female bulkier, so the person should fear Allah in regard to what remains. Now, this does not mean that marriage is a solution to all social problems. That, you know, for example, if a person has a bad habit of watching pornography, then they think that their wife will solve the you know, their addiction, or that, you know, if someone has bad companionship, they're addicted to drugs, or any kind of issue. The family thinks get them married and marriage is
the solution to all of their problems. No, it is not the solution is a solution. Any It is one thing that will aid them, a person must strive on their own part to leave since any it's not correct that a person gets married to someone and puts them in a difficult situation. Thinking that, you know, by bringing someone into their life, all of their problems will go away and they don't have to, you know, do anything. No, they have to go through therapy, through rehab, whatever it is that they need to solve their problem. And marriage is something that AIDS a person. It is certainly helpful. Then we see that in this hadith we see that basically
claim we are taught the importance of marriage because marriage is a human need. So, if a person makes this door opener hablando myth as well as you know the real Tina Kurata Aryan, any, there's nothing strange or shameful about this that a person is wishing to marry. Because we see that in paradise. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that there are no singles in paradise laser, Phil Jannetty Airism any in Jannah, everyone will be married, everyone will have a spouse SubhanAllah. So this is a human need. So if a man wishes to get married, they're not being weird. If a woman wishes to get married, she's not being weird. This is completely normal. It's a normal,
healthy human desire. And the people who are married when they make this door opener have learned I mean, as well do you know what booty? Yeah, Tina pinata RU. They're asking for happiness in their marriage. Because at times marriage can be a source of pain. It can be a source of anguish and worry. And he so often it happens that you know a woman because of her husband, she's crying, out of hurt out of feeling abandoned by her husband, or out of worry. And when she's crying constantly, her eyes are burning. So Allah to Aryan is what coolness of the eye
color terrain is that you are asking Allah to take your worries away, to take your hurt away, to take your sadness away. And that will happen when your spouse is a means of joy for you is a means of happiness for you. Not a source of pain and hurt. And when there is marital peace, and he both the husband and wife are on the same page. They're getting along with one another. They're fulfilling each other's rights. They are affectionate and kind to one another. They are respectful to each other, they care about each other. Then a person can sleep peacefully, and then the eyes can experience coolness. So koala terrain is coolness of the eye, which a person finds when they get to
sleep peacefully. So here we are asking Allah subhanaw taala for happiness in our marriages, and koala terrain is inner happiness. Earlier I had mentioned to you that the color terrain is not that you look at someone and you find them to be very beautiful and their beauty pleases you. I mean, that certainly brings you joy. But cover terrain is the happiness you feel in your heart. And for the believer. What makes them really happy in their marriage is when they see their spouse doing good things. When they see their spouse being a good worshipper to Allah. Their physical appearance delights them, of course, but what brings them inner happiness is the piety of their spouse. Because
a pious spouse fears Allah in regard to their marriage. For example, if a husband is obedient to Allah worships Allah, then he will be careful about how he is treating his wife. When a wife is fearful of Allah that she will be careful about how she's treating her husband. So this dua Robina hablan, Amin as well as you know with reality now Kurata Aryan would your eyelid with Akina Imam, this dura is a means of strengthening the marriage, a means of strengthening the family, the household. And we see that here before we ask for children, we ask for spouse that is overturning. And this shows us that any, you can only focus on your children once your marriage is settled. And
you can only expect that, you know your children are a means of joy for you, when your spouse is is a means of joy for you. And remember that Allah subhanaw taala is able to change hearts. Sometimes, you know a person feels that they're being neglected in a certain aspect of their married life. And they understand that they must communicate with their spouse but they have a lot of difficulty communicating or maybe they have tried to communicate but their spouse just does not understand. Or maybe they understand but they don't care or maybe they do understand and care, but they don't know how to help you. They don't know how to accommodate you. It's not in their hands. It's not always in
their control to to change the situation to change the circumstances. So Allah subhanaw taala is able to open ways for his slaves
If Allah subhanaw taala is able to guide people
to give them the understanding of you know what they should do, how they should do things differently. And Allah subhanaw taala is able to change the hearts of people also, as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam explained that the hearts of people are in the are between the fingers of Allah and Allah is able to, you know, turn the heart, however, whenever he wants. So, this is why it's essential that no matter what problem we are having in our marriage, no matter what struggle a person is experiencing with their spouse, it could be a communication problem, it could be the fact that, you know, there's too many family members who are meddling in their personal affairs, it could
be that a person doesn't feel connected with their spouse, it could be that a person is feeling neglected any, it could be anything that a person is struggling with in their marriage. So ask Allah subhanaw taala make this thorough Robina habla and I mean, as well, as you know, with the reality Napolitan Are you in so often it happens that, you know, people will speak to their friends for hours and hours, you know, complaining about their spouse, sometimes they will talk to their family complaining about their spouse. And the purpose of complaining is just to, you know, lighten the state of heaviness that they experience in their heart. And if we put in this effort in making Dora
asking Allah subhanaw taala, that yeah, Allah, you improve my marriage, you will make things work out, then making dua will be far more effective. Any, if you want to seek advice
as to how to improve your marriage, then go to someone who can actually help you read a book, you know, attend a workshop, listen to a lecture, any, you know, go to a marriage counselor, do something to actually help your marriage, complaining about your marriage complaining about your husband, right left and center is not going to fix him. In fact, it's going to make things worse, complaining about your wife is not going to fix her, it's going to make things worse between between the two of you, what is needed is that you you actively seek out, you know, help, real help. And the first step is that you make dua to Allah. And then you you seek professional help you seek the
advice of people who you know, are knowledgeable, who are sincere to you, who care about you, and who will speak the truth to you, even if you dislike it, because sometimes, you know, when we are complaining to our friends about our spouses, then any because our friends are our friends, they're going to take our site, they're not necessarily going to tell us that you know, you are wrong over here. You should not be talking like that to your spouse, you should not be treating your spouse this way. So seek help from where you are actually going to get it. And the first step to doing that is to make dua to Allah subhanaw taala remember that a happy marriage is a blessing from from the
blessings of paradise. We learned that people in Jannah will be admitted with their righteous spouses. Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran or the halal janitor unto what is wardrobe do Haroon, enter paradise you and your spouse is delighted he entered together and all of you will be delighted you will be made happy. Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran that we're Latina Iman who were Emilio Solly had sent to the Hello hum Genet infantrymen tactical and how Holly Dena fee her Abba the LA home fee her as well Jamal taharah. When are the fellow who Williams Lolita that those who believe and do righteous deeds, we shall admit them into Paradise and the description of
Paradise has given and Allah subhanaw taala says that they will have a purified spouses in paradise, meaning their spouse will be completely purified in paradise. Also, we learned in the Quran, Jana, to Armenia to coluna. Woman Salah Hammond about him was watching him whether reality him gardens of perpetual residents, they will enter them with whoever were righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their descendants, meaning families will be united in paradise. So even if you know for example, one person because of you know their deeds, they are in a lower level of paradise, then their rank will be raised so that they can join their righteous spouse. They can be with their
righteous family members or
their children, their parents, and we learned that the angels they make dua for the believers. They say Robin our other thing home Jannetty are the nene Lottie Waratah home woman, Salah, humming, Abba, em was YG him with a reality him that our Lord admit the believers into gardens of perpetual residence which you have promised them and whoever was righteous among their fathers, their spouses and their offspring. So the angels also make this door. So we should ask Allah subhanaw taala that he or Allah give me the gift of a happy marriage made this Dora Robina habla naman as well as you know, with Bucha, yet in accord with the Aryan made this thorough, first of all, to find a righteous
spouse, and secondly, to find happiness in your marriage. And no matter what it is that you're struggling with in your marriage, Allah has the solution. So call upon him with your cane, call upon him with hope. Now, when it comes to finding a righteous spouse, this is something that is incredibly important. We learned that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that choose the best for your not for any
you want to have children then choose the best carrier.
And he said that marry women who are compatible and give in marriage, those men who are compatible, any give your daughters in marriage to those men who are compatible, any in terms of deen and other matters as well. So it's very important that a person is deliberate and careful in choosing a spouse. Some people you know, they're so eager to get married that the first person that will find willing to accept them, they will say yes, I agree. I accept have don't have such low self esteem or low self worth. That you think you are not good enough. So, anyone who will ask for your hand in marriage, you have to agree. No, you have to see are they compatible? Are they you know is their
Deen such that it pleases you? Is their Deen at such a level that will be a source of strength for you. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also advised that when someone whose religion and character you are pleased with proposes to to your daughter or your sister, then marry him, and he marry your daughter, your sister to him.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam also said that a woman is married for four things, her wealth, her family, her status, her beauty,
sorry, her family status, her beauty and her religion. And he said you should marry the religious woman otherwise you will be loser, you will be a loser otherwise. So it's incredibly important to find a righteous spouse. Why? Because a righteous spouse will fulfill their duty to their spouse. So for example, when it comes to a man, the best thing in a man is that when married, he looks after his family he provides for his wife, Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the Quran, regional como narla Nisa be my football Allahu Barbra Humala Baroque, where Bhima and for Pullman unworthy him, that the men are in charge of women, by right of what Allah has given one over the other, and because they
spend from their wealth, meaning men are supposed to spend on their wives, and this is what makes them to one. This is the best thing in a man. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that what you feed yourself is sadaqa for you what you feed your child is set up for you what you feed your wife is sadaqa for you. So when a man spends on his wife, he's not wasting his money, he is being rewarded for it.
On the other hand, the best thing you know a woman is that she is righteous last parenthesis for salejaw to permit her to have you lovely lady be Mahaffey Lola. So righteous women are devoutly obedient and they guard in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard and both husband and wife should be loyal in marriage to one another. They should not be taking secret lovers secret girlfriends boyfriends in this is something that is not correct on the part of a man and also on the part of a woman with regard to men. Allah's Panthera says more Sweeney Leigh Ramu Sofia Hain that they should be desiring chastity, not unlawful sexual intercourse when it comes to women. Allah
subhanaw taala says more Sonatine Leila Mousavi hatin.
Well, Mr Duffy that they have done, they should be chaste. Neither of those who commit unlawful intercourse randomly nor those who take secret lovers. So the standard is the same for both men and women. What mursaleen Elena Mousavi, hey, well, I would definitely be done. Same thing for women. So,
these things are, are very important in a marriage, and they will only be the case when a person is careful about choosing the right spouse. And the most important thing in a spouse is their piety, their loyalty to Allah subhanaw taala, because if they will be loyal to Allah, they will be loyal to you. We learned in a hadith that the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, The world is only a quick passing enjoyment, and the best enjoyment of the world is a pious and virtuous woman.
So the piety is what we should be seeking. Now, when a person is married, what is it that makes a marriage, happy and successful? What are the ingredients of a happy marriage? First of all, remember, to live in a good way with your spouse, Allah subhanaw taala addresses the men, while she will wind up in my roof, that live with them, meaning your wives in kindness, and you're living with someone, so live with them in a kind way. And that means that you are kind to them, when you look at them when you speak with them. Or when you spend time with them. You know, kindness means that you help them, you don't abandon them, you listen to them, you show love and affection in different
ways. You care about each other's goals and work and priorities, you support each other, whereas you wouldn't have been my roof. And even if you dislike something about your spouse, appreciate what is good, because there is no perfect human being on on this world. Right. And he if you are seeking someone who is perfect in every way, you will not find that in paradise in this world, you can only find that in paradise in Jannah. So here, you have to,
you know, accept people as they are, you cannot expect them to be perfect, because you yourself are not perfect. People put up with you. So you should also put up with others. Allah subhanaw taala addresses the men specifically that are encouraged to one for a certain Takahashi wager on Allah who feel higher on cathedra for if you dislike them, meaning your wives, then perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes they're in much good. He it's possible that there's something about your wife that you do not like maybe the way that she laughs or maybe the way that she irons your clothes, or maybe the way that she drives around too much or uses too much gas, you know, could be anything that
that annoys you that bothers you or that she just goes on spending money without without realizing how much he has spent.
People have different weaknesses. So whatever it is that you do not like focus on their good qualities. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that no man should Sorry, no Mothman no believing men should hate a believing woman. Meaning no husband should an unbelieving husband should dislike his believing wife. Any if there's something that you dislike about her, appreciate the fact that she believes in Allah. And he said that if he dislikes something about her, he will certainly be pleased with something else about her. And if there's one thing that bothers you, there, there must be something else that pleases you. So focus on that. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam
addressed the men is still so be Nyssa Clara, that act kindly toward women. Be good to them. Do not be harsh. Do not be forceful. Do not talk to a woman like you're talking to a man. Do not yell at your wife, the way you're yelling at your employee or someone who you know is on the street. No, be kind toward women. Do not be violent. Do not be aggressive, and do not be harsh. And this is in in all matters, in bed, in the bed and also everywhere else. Any when you talk to her when you are with her. Be gentle be caring. Allah subhanaw taala describe
lives in the Quran, that Nisa oakum health Allah calm, that your women are in it till for you a place of fertility for you. And even though this is referring to a, you know a specific matter, any when a man what when a person is dealing with their plants, they cannot be harsh and aggressive with plants, right? You have to be gentle and careful. So, likewise, men must be gentle, considerate, when they are dealing with their wives, even if there's something you have to, you know, tell her about that you're upset. show that in a nice way, talk to her in a nice way. Because if you are forceful and you're harsh, you will cause her to break from the inside, you will you will hurt her
feelings. And in a hadith the Prophet salallahu alayhi salam also mentioned you know that a woman is made from a rib right and a rib is a bone that you cannot straighten. Right meaning that you have to accept the rib as it is, do not try to change it. And just like that, you have to accept your wife the way she is, do not use force and violence and aggression in order to quote unquote, straighten her out, because you will you will never straighten her out. You can you will only break her You will only injure her her and hurt her and harm her. And when you harm her you harm your children. So do not use any kind of aggression with your wife. In fact, we are taught that any person should be
loving towards his wife. And when he is loving towards his wife, he is not engaging in uselessness, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that lace Amina last week Illa fella and he mentioned some things that are naughty, useless amusement. And one of them is that when a man and wife play with one another, and we see for example, the Prophet sallallahu Are you seminar I shall do a lot more on how they raised right, this is not useless amusement, no, this is something that will help the husband and wife bond with each other, build a you know happy memories. Likewise, the prophets of Allah Who are those that have stood at the door, I shall be law more and have put her you know,
chin on his shoulder so that she could watch the people who were, you know, showing tricks in the masjid. So, any kind of, you know, play that husband and wife do with each other. And as long as it's something lawful, it is something permissible, it is not something useless. It is something encouraged, because it helps both of them get along with each other and build fondness and love. Another important thing is that something that helps.
You know, people have a happy marriage is when they fulfill each other's rights. And these rights are, for example, the right of the woman that a man must provide for her, that a men must not abandon her. Any if he's angry with her and he needs to, you know, stay away from her for some time, he can go he should not kick her out.
That that is not correct.
And then of course, respect to each other love for each other, fulfilling each other's physical needs. You need all of this is essential for a happy marriage. Another important thing is that
good o'clock is incredibly important.
The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that the most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behavior is most excellent, well, theatrical, theatrical, Malini Satyam Holika, and the best of you are those who are best to their wives. And he this is the standard that if a person is good to to his wife, then yes, he has good o'clock and yes, he is good in his Deen. And it's important that we are not verbally abusive to one another in a marriage.
Another important thing is that we should be grateful and impatient, grateful for the blessing of marriage and patient over the things that bother us. And another important thing is that there should be loyalty, not deceit, because some people, you know, before their spouse, they are one person and behind their back they, they do very different things. So there must not be secrecy and deceit in marriage, of course.
Hello are allowed to have privacy, but not secrecy, because that means that there is some deceit or there is, you know, things going on, which could be harmful for the for the other person, and that would ruin the marriage.
There is an author, or rather there is
a book published by the Gottman Institute, in which they discuss the sound relationship house. And they say that the sound relationship house basically a good relationship between a husband and wife. This is built on seven levels. What are these levels, the first level is that both husband and wife should build love maps, meaning that you should know your spouse and continue to learn about them, and continue to communicate with your spouse listen to them in order to stay connected. Sometimes what happens is that initially, when when a couple get married, they are very into each other. So they're always talking, always staying together spending time together. But then, over the years, as
you know, one has, you know, is busy outside the house, the other is busy inside the house, they barely get to talk to each other. And they barely get to communicate with each other. And so they they're not even familiar with what their spouse likes, or does not like. So it's very important that you know, you know your spouse, and you continue to learn about them. And you will only continue to learn about them if you continue to listen to them, and communicate with them. Secondly, the second level is share fondness and admiration, meaning nurture love and admiration in your marriage.
So at the beginning, we see that a husband and wife you know, they love one another. But then over time that love tends to fade away. And especially as there are no children and strains and stresses in life. And then there is conflict, because of that the love, it kind of begins to fade away. So it's important that you know, both husband and wife work on that fondness, that admiration, and they build it.
We see that the prophets of Allah who earlier send him any he was very loving towards Asha de la Mourinho. And he showed that to her in many different ways. We see I showed a lot more on her said that I would drink when I was menstruating. And I would hand the vessel to the Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam, and he would put his mouth where mine had been, and he would drink from the same place. And I would eat from a bone. And I would hand it over to the Prophet salallahu earnings and then he would put his mouth where mine had been any, this is how much love the Prophet salallahu already said in the show, too. All right, Chateau de la hora. And the fact that they ate together,
any, this is also something that builds love and trust and fondness.
The third level is that both husband and wife should turn toward each other, not away from one another. I mean, it's understandable that you are you have work, you have children to look after you have things to do, but throughout the day, any appreciate the small moments of, of connection of positive connections with your spouse. So for example, say salam in the morning, smile at each other, don't be grumpy first thing in the morning, you know, have breakfast together,
share with each other what your plan for the day is, you know, send messages to each other to stay in touch and turn towards each other not away or against turning away is that when one is trying to hug for example, the other turns away when one is trying to make a conversation the other just, you know, closes that that opportunity. turning against is for example snapping back and and withdrawal any not not being interested in being with your spouse. The fourth level is positive perspective. And we discussed about this earlier that
you know, there's always something about your spouse that you can dislike but there's also something that you can appreciate. So focus on the positive, not the negative. Allah's parents have told us in the Quran, Willa tenza Will father Boehner do not forget the favor between yourselves and will yourselves meaning the favor that has been done the good that others have done to you? Do not forget that the Fifth Level is managed calm
flicked Subhanallah it is not possible to eliminate conflict, you can only manage it. Because conflict is something very natural. If the husband is thinking independently, the wife is thinking independently, which is a very good sign. If they think independently, that means that they will not always agree with each other, there will be times when they will disagree. So, just because a husband and wife have something that disagree over, it doesn't mean that they don't love each other. It doesn't mean that they're not meant to be not having conflict does not mean that the marriage is ruined, no conflict is something very normal, what is important is that we learn to manage it, that
we that we communicate respectfully, we agree to disagree, we accommodate even when we do not agree.
So, manage conflict, then another, then the sixth level is make life dreams come true. Meaning support your spouse in fulfilling their goals. And that means that sometimes you have to make certain sacrifices, you have to, for example, look at the children, to take care of them in the evening, so that your wife can study or you have to manage housework, on your own without your husband's help, so that he can study any, you have to support each other. And yes, there will be difficult periods. But at the end, you will grow in your love and appreciation for one another. And the seventh level is create shared meaning, meaning together, produce something that is good,
produce something that will benefit others. And also as a family, any along with your children.
You know, create shared, meaning any this can even be just family rituals that you make over the years and you stick to certain traditions that you stick to because you know there's something that is keeping all of you together.
Something that is bringing joy in your life. So some doors that we can make in order to strengthen our relationships, our marriages. First of all, they're all for finding a good spouse, and that Dora is the daughter of Musa alayhis salam where he prayed what will be in the Lima and delta la given height and fatigue, that oh my lord, indeed I am for whatever good you would send down to me in need. Now Musa alayhis salam he made this door and this door is a Mr. Jab door, meaning a dua that is certainly answered, because we see that that door always answered right away. Musa alayhis salam when he fled from meridian.
And sorry, when he fled from Egypt, and he came to Medina and he came in a state where he was, of course fearful. Because the people of our own were looking for him in order to kill him. And he was any he didn't know where he was gonna go and where he was going to live and what he was going to do with his life, he was lost. And he was also, of course, tired from the long journey. And he didn't have any wealth with him. So in that condition, what did he do? We see that when he saw two women who were struggling with their flock, and they were not letting their flock drink water, he found that to be strange, and he went up to them. And he asked that what is the matter, and the women
explained that we wait for the men, the shepherds to go, and then we take our flock. And we have to do this ourselves because our father is an old man. So mozarella Salam understood that these women, you know, they were struggling, and if they were to stand here, they will be standing all day. And it's possible that by the time the men leave, and you know, they get to take their flock to the water, the water will be finished. So Musa alayhis salam, he water their flocks for them, and he returned the animals back to the women. So we see that he did send to people without expecting any return from them. And with honesty, and he he did not take advantage of the women. He did not demand
a pay from them. He did not you know make any conversation with them. No, he just did his
work he did the favorite that he wanted to do. And then he went to the shade and he sat over there and he made the offer to Allah. And when he made Dora he expressed his complete weakness before Allah, that oh my lord, indeed I am for whatever good you would send down to me in need, I am for paid, I am for paid for any good that you send out. I am desperate, I will take anything. Any he presented his absolute poverty before Allah subhana wa Tada.
And then we see that when the father of the women called them I called him he went, and he was truthful and straightforward about his his situation. He did not hide anything, he welcomed a good connection. And so what happened? Allah subhanaw taala granted him not only a job, a home, but also a wife. And job security. Any he got so much. So make dua to Allah, Allah be in need Lima and xenta la Yemen Hayden Fourcade sometimes when people are very eager to get married and they can't find someone, you know, they they think that they should perhaps, you know fall into an unlawful relationship. Whoo, sorry, Hassan did not do anything unlawful. He was not even perhaps seeking
marriage at this time. He was he was asking Allah for guidance, right for for anything good. And Allah subhanaw taala gave him a home gave him a family gave him a job so that you know he would have some stability in his life. So ask Allah subhanaw taala his treasures are vast from be in the Lima and Zelda La human height and fatigue. Of course another all we can make as an opener Hublin I mean, as far as you know, with the reality no pull, what are you what your understanding with the cleaner EMA? There is another though, that we learn about in the Sunnah, where the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us this there are that Allahumma inni are all the weaker men Jerry Sue, that Oh
Allah, I seek refuge in You from an evil neighbor. Because if a if a neighbor, someone who lives next to you is evil, any they bother you, they hurt you. They constantly harass you, then your life becomes very difficult. You don't find safety and comfort in your own home. And if you don't find safety and comfort in your own home, where else will you find it? So Oh Allah, I seek refuge in You from an evil neighbor, woman zodion to che Eboni covenant reshape, and I seek refuge, a new from a spouse that will cause me to become old, before old age. Can you espouse that will cause me to grow gray hair white hair, before I am supposed to have white hair. And you will cause me to age very
quickly. And why is it that, you know, a person would age very quickly because of their spouse, because their spouse, whether husband and wife or wife is a source of stress and worry, not a source of sukoon for example, they're constantly doing things that are damaging to the family. They are their speech is very vulgar, their habits are very indecent, or they have endless demands, or they're always negative, always unhappy, or you feel constantly abandoned by them, you feel that you're not supported. And for a woman, this is incredibly hard. Because you know, a man for example, if he has a wife that he is not happy with, he can keep her and then he can also marry another wife
and that would be lawful for him. But a woman can only be married to one husband at a time. And so many women for the sake of their children, even though their husband is a source of constant stress and worry for them. They don't marry someone else. They don't leave that marriage. Why? Because of the children. I'm not supporting this, this, this choice, but I'm just presenting it that many women choose to do that. That even if there's abuse in the family, right, there's domestic abuse, they will still stick to the marriage for the sake of their children. So any woman zoned into che Eboni a covenant machine that he or Allah you protect me from a spousal will cause me to grow old before old
age. And this doesn't mean that you are asking Allah to to get rid of such a spouse.
You know for you, rather, you're asking Allah subhanaw taala to fix them for you and
People can change Subhanallah they can change so ask Allah woman zolgensma che you Bonilla covenant mushy woman while adding the Hakuna Allah Yoruba, that Allah protect me from a child who will become a master to me and he extremely disobedient, very bossy, very,
you know, demanding and very arrogant. When we Mally, your corner or layup or the turban and protect me from wealth that will be a source of punishment for me. And I seek refuge in You from such wealth, that becomes a punishment for me how that a person is constantly looking after their wealth, their property, and the constant care that their wealth needs. It's a source of great hardship for them. So when we met in your corner, Alia Durbin, women highly makin, I know Huhtala and he will call it boo boo Irani and I ask you to protect me from a friend that is maket that plots against me how that he is constantly watching me. And he appears to be a friend to me. But in fact, he is
actually looking for, you know, something bad in me or some mistake I made. So in a headset, and definitely, if you see something good in me, he hides it. He pretends like I never did it. Well either I say other and if you see something bad, it means Brexit. And he, he he spreads any mistake of mine, or or something like this. Any deceptive friend basically a dishonest friend, someone who's not really a friend. Yeah, Allah protect me from such people. Another thought that we can make is the Prophet sallallahu already said I'm taught this thought that along with a live Boehner Colombina were asleep that they know that oh Allah join our hearts and mend our relationship. You see,
sometimes the husband and wife in in their coexisting there is no love. There is no
you know, feelings of care and concern for each other. The hearts are not united. So made this throughout the Allahumma I live by Nico Lupino a slur for that debate. And you see that there are so many problems in so many fights, so many negative things that have happened and negative patterns that have been established. So ask Allah Sneha Davina your Allah mend our relationship with Dina sabula Salaam and guide us to the ways of A salaam meaning the ways that will lead to your home, Paradise. So what Edina Cebu SLM or similar salaam also refers to ways of peace, any guidance to those things that will be peaceful,
you know, in our relationship, not damaging, not disruptive. When Jean Amina alluded to Isla node and bring this out of darkness into light. You see, sometimes both the husband and wife fall into a sin that they're committing together. Or sometimes they fall into a bad pattern, where for instance, both of them begin to miss budget. Everyday, everyday everyday, it's just habit or both of them you know, develop the habit of using foul language or committing certain sins whatever since they may be so when a genome in Illuminati Illinois, yeah, Allah bring us out of darkness into light. What Geneva for LA Heisha Melba hora, minha, Bhutan, and save us from in decencies those which are
outward and inward. One what that it cannot be a summary. Now we're absorbed in what Kenobi now as well as you know what the reality now and bless us in our ears, our eyes, our hearts, meaning give us the ability to use these faculties in obedience, that we use our ears to listen to something that our eyes to see something good our hearts to think and believe in something good. And you see Baraka is zyada it is increased it is growth. So give us the ability to use our hearing our eyes, our hearts, to increase in goodness, to increase in obedience to you. Well, as well as you know, with the Riata and bless us in our wives and our children, meaning bless for us our spouses and children
by giving them the ability to do good things because when they will do good, I will also do good. They will do good that will make me happy. And for example, for husband, you know when a wife is good, and he means that she will cooperate
with him, and vice versa. so badly claffey as well as you know, with the reality in our tour Elena, accept our repentance in the web of Rahim, you Oh ALLAH are indeed the greatest acceptor of repentance, the very merciful, would you rather not share Kiddieland in aromatic, and make us grateful for your blessings with Nina be her, those who prays for those blessings publicly, those who accept the blessings will attend Maha Elena, and perfect these blessings for us. Because sometimes people you know, even though they're married, they have children, they're very ungrateful for their marriage for their spouse, for you know their house for their children. So Will Allah make
us of those who are grateful for the blessings, another important thing that we should be praying to Allah for to improve our marriage is that we ask Allah subhanaw taala for good o'clock, because a lot of times
relationships are ruined, they are destroyed. Why? Because of bad o'clock because of anger. And because of rudeness because of foul language because of hurtful speech. So ask Allah subhanaw taala to give you good o'clock and you see outside of the house, you can pretend you can be pretentious, right even though you're angry you can smile but inside the house with your spouse you are who you actually are. So if you're Aflac is not actually good it you cannot fake it with your spouse. So you you need your o'clock to become good so that your marriage will work your marriage will not suffer. So ask Allah subhanaw taala for good o'clock what the nearly Arsenal o'clock law yeah daily or semi
her Illa and yeah, Allah guide me to the best of conduct, for none can guide to that except you any Subhanallah sometimes, you know, when a husband and wife they're angry with each other, sometimes they say such rude things that they would not say to anyone else. They roll their eyes at each other, they begin to snatch, they begin to stomp they begin to act in such a
any such a bad way that you wonder you and when you reflect on yourself afterwards you you're like What is wrong with me? How could I behave like that? How could I respond like that? Why am I behaving so arrogantly? So ask Allah Ya Allah, guide me to the best of conduct because none can guide to that except to you. While sliver Aneesa law your story for me say
and divert for me bad conduct for no one can divert it from me, except you. So continue to make dua to Allah subhanaw taala to grant you a righteous spouse to grant your happiness in your marriage to make you a good spouse for your spouse. I mean, Inshallah, we will conclude over here Subhanak Allahumma behenic eyeshadow Allah ilaha illa Anta as the Hirokawa to La wa Salam o Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh