Channel: Saad Tasleem
How to Soften Your Heart
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Okay, so what are some of the things that we can do to cure the hardness of the heart? Or how do we go about softening our heart? First and foremost, is getting to know a lot
of the misconceptions that we have is that it's not possible to know God, it's not impossible to know. Right? This is actually not true at all. Right? We as Muslims, we know a lot. By the way, Allah has described himself
ways to get to know and love, right, so if you go through the fraud, we'll see a lie. So in descriptions, a lot is before it was a painting, that cetera, et cetera, these are all the these are all this is how we get to know what the needs and attributes of a soldier. Likewise, if you go through these certain of them, you will find that it's very easy to get to know a lot of soldier, right. And this is an issue of knowledge, increasing yourself in knowledge, right. If we learn more about our religion, we will get to know ally xojo. If we studied up on Sunday, et cetera, et cetera, we increase our knowledge, you'll find that you'll get to know a word. And in the end of the day, a
lot of people claim to have a lot of people say love, the love of God is great, all this kind of stuff. But the one who really loves a lot, is the one who has spent time getting to know allies. And this is why you find that it's very hard to love someone that you don't know. So if you don't know somebody, you may like them. But in order to truly love someone, you have to really get to know them. And that's why I like to look at married couples, for example, when they first get married, right people like Yeah, I love you. It's all that great that honeymoon phase, and all that kind of stuff. They feel like they really love each other, which Yeah, there is a certain amount of love
that was placed in a newly married couple, however, that love does not compare to the love that a couple has, after like 30 or 40 years, when they have lived together and they've really gotten to know each other, they made sacrifices for one another, they've been patient with one another, they put up with one another. And they know the ins and outs of one other that type of love that exists after 30 years. That is true love. Right. And obviously, like you said, Allah has the highest example, if we want to love a lot, we have to really get to know. Right, and that is if that's, that's if we do that we get to know Otherwise, you'll find that automatically, it will begin to
soften your heart and you will get closer to a lot of soldier. Secondly, as I mentioned, one of the main issues that causes our heart to get hard is ignoring death. So obviously the cure to that is to remember death, right? As the possible set up to have them in, as you say increase in remembering the destroyer of desires is that which is death, right? So making a conscious effort to remind yourself that you can die. Remind yourself that your life is not permanent. Remind yourself that you don't actually know when you're going to die. And this is why a lot of people if they think about the fact, you know knowledge, I usually like to say this about elections because it kind of makes
things real, right? If you think about the fact that this could be the very last thing you do on Earth, it will soften your heart. Right. So think about the fact that a lot protectors, that this could be the last thing that you're doing. Some there may be maybe someone doesn't make it till tomorrow. Right? It may be that freedom for myself, this may be the last lecture that I ever gave. It may be the last time ever come to the Michigan, right a lot. A lot knows, right? I don't know that. This may be our last week. This may be our last month, right? around this. We don't know how long. This is why when somebody usually dies. You know, it's very rare unless somebody has been like
sick or whatever. It's very rare that someone's like, yep, I knew it was gonna happen. I was expecting it to happen on that day. Obviously, nobody says it's always a shock. And why would somebody usually dies? People always say, Oh, my God is such a shock for me. I was so shocked. Why were you shocked? Because we don't we just forgot that in the end of the day with a bottle of wine. So identical luck and take us away at any moment. Right? And this is why the President said that it destroys our desires, any like unlawful desires that we have, right? If we remember the fact that listen, before I commit this sin, I could die in like a moment. Right? That's a very powerful thing
and then give up like right when you're in like the throes of a sin. For example, say someone's about to commit a sin. If they were to simply stop for a moment pause and say, You know what, I could die during this sit. That's a very powerful thing to get them to stop to stop that sit. right this is why the more we remember death, the more that will soften our hearts towards a lot of sorta number three,
building a deep connection with the
right when we begin to abandon the pawn, right when the pawn simply become something that we hear during a move on or would like we'll play it on there on like the CD player, mp3 player, whatever
right. But let's say that's our only exposure to the far right. This is where leading a pathway eventually will begin to leave off the plan altogether. Right? If we don't have that relationship with the pond. And by the way, when I say relationship, I don't mean like I said, not just listening. I mean, listening, paying attention on hearing will allow us to gently say, understand the means of
contemplating the phone pondering over the
thinking about how the IRS will relate to you as an individual. Right, that's pondering upon, that is having a relationship with the bar, simply just reading up on once in a while, or just hearing what's wrong. That's not really having a relationship with the law. How can
you spend time with the to this man, you sit with the upon? Right and you have a relationship with it? Right? You think about it, you ponder over you think about how these items relate to me, what do they have to do with me as an individual? Right? Think about that. Think about the fact that this is a soldier speaking to mankind. Right? That is what we call having a relationship with the allies of the told us.
That is by the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest, right. And the more we recite the four are the more you think about the bond, the more we want a relationship, we have a fun, the softer our hearts will become.
Number four, private acts of worship. So these are those acts of worship that nobody else sees. And one of the best examples of this is getting up in the night and pray. Right. So somebody who wakes up in the middle of the night, and prays and wakes up the last night of the night and they prayed. This is a private act of worship, and is actually very beautiful. Because this is an act of worship, that it is impossible for someone to do it for other than the law. Right? Somebody prays their regular prayer, especially if they're emotional, or they may be praying to show off. Or they may be praying because people are watching this, they may pray is this for that reason, right. But when you
get up in the last third of the night, and there's nobody else around, it's just you. And
at that point, there is no possible way for you to show off, when there's no other reason for you to be praying this prayer. Right. So now this becomes a private act of worship in which your sincerity will be at 100%. Right. And the issue of sincerity is actually a very serious issue with deserves electron on its own, but being sincere in our proximity mother, that is the type of a bada where your sincerity is never in question. Right? When you get up in the middle of the night is you have a bond, there's nobody else, you're only doing this for the sake of luck. Likewise, things like giving charity and private when nobody has nobody knows, nobody has a single soul knows that you have given
this money in charity. There's no question that your that your intention is pure, that you did it for the sake of a while because there's nobody, nobody knows. Right? These are the private activewear movies. And when we start to do these acts of worship that are private, right, and it just between us and a lot, this will also soften the part number five, you are thicker and stiffer. Right making the art of lies are one of the things that a lot of people don't realize is that they think their eyes just to benefit your union. Right? So they say, oh, gratitude is for me that whatever. But they don't realize is that simply the act of making go up, increases our ears and
softens our hearts. Right, just the fact that we're calling out a wall. Just the fact that we're humbling ourselves to say Oh, law revenue this or Grammy that this act is an act of hope in yourself and just the act of making you up can raise your ego and soften your ends, said him said he said what he said, is
meaning the essence of our
work. This is an issue that a lot of people don't really think about, what are you actually doing when you make the art? Like what is the act happening here? What's actually happening here is that you are saying, Oh a law.
I know that I'm weak and you are strong. I know that I'm incapable and we're capable. And I know that all affairs are with you. You're in control all affairs. And when you're in this type of state and some spiritual state, this is when you begin to soften your heart and this
is a brother likewise Victor has the same effect.
Once again, when a person seeks forgiveness from Allah, they're admitting that they required the forgiveness of Allah and simply the act of admitting that simply admitting that you need a last forgiveness will soften your heart and really make you closer to homebuyers origin. Number six, think about the blessings of Allah. Right. And this is this is an exercise that is very easy to do. The only issue is like do we do it or not? Or how often we do it. And you can actually take like any any portion of your life and start to think about the blessing level. So even like I mentioned before, you look at just the body, right and look at just your own body. Look at your two hands and
What is a blessing from Allah? How would my life be without my two years? Where my eyesight, my ability to hear, right? Or my ability to think and all these are blessings from Allah, the fact that I have food to eat tonight is a blessing from Allah, the fact that somebody is not going to murder me in childhood, on my way. All right, my house is pretty much safe. I think we all pretty much live in pretty safe neighborhoods, right by the suburbs. Right? Pretty much Our lives are pretty safe. Right? Compare, I mean, there's people who live on a daily basis, they fear for the last couple people in war torn countries and things like that on a daily basis. They don't know whether they're
going to be killed or not, I don't know if they're gonna be shot or bond or whatever. That's how they live their life. The fact that you live your life, where you feel safe is a blessing for a lot of soldiers. And the reality is, what in derring, do Nicola de la de la sua, as Allah said, If you try to count the blessings of a lot, many child numerators exactly how they are, you will be incapable of doing so because there are so many, right? But what do we need to do this, this begins to soften our heart number seven, sitting and being around the right people, as I mentioned, the opposite of this before sitting around the wrong people sitting around the right people can soften
your heart, simply being around the right types of people can soften your heart. And one of the tricks of Shabbat is to tell you that, you know, if you're suffering, you're feeling weak, and I feel like the strongest Muslims strong Muslim, he will tell you, you need time for yourself, your eyes to get you to isolate yourself, you know, you simply to stay on your home and stay away from people, right, you need time to think and all this kind of stuff. Because he wants you to be away from the people who can actually raise your worship under the watch, you know, simply sitting with people who have by email, simply sitting with people who are righteous and pious, simply an action
of being there, you join absolutely nothing. Just sitting, just that act can raise your email, can soften your heart, it can bring you closer to allies. And this is why it's very, very important. Who we pick to be around the type of people that we get, we sit with the type of people we spend time we spend a lot of time people they attend like a Friday Night Live lecture, right? Or any lecture. And they'll spend like an hour listening to a lecture. And other people like this gathering, for example, everyone here is here for goodness to listen to a lecture handed up. So they'll spend like an hour, for example, at a lecture. And they'll go home and be like, wow, that was amazing. I spent
an hour around good people.
But compare that to the amount of hours you spent on the wall and people. Right? And if there is like if there's if it's inconsistent, like if the time that you spend in electric, which is great. But if it's only one hour compared to like the eight hours you spend around the wrong type of people, of course, it's gonna affect your email, of course, it's going to have an effect on you, of course, your heart's going to become hard, right? So in order to change that, you need to spend time around the right people. And I'm not talking about listening to lectures, or always doing something which is pious, because that's not what I mean. I mean, even like just doing something which is fun,
right? Even just relaxing, but with the right people, right, that can make a difference. And this is why the process that he said, he said, stay away from spending long amounts of time speaking, without ever mentioning of law, because that makes the hard part, the demos, the hard. That makes the heart hard, right sitting around talking for long periods of time, and it was never mentioned. Right? When you're sitting with the right people,
you will notice that a lonely mentioned you may be getting this, like you may go out to dinner, or you may do something fun. But the fact that a lot was mentioned at some point puts vodka in your gallery. So now the simple act of just hanging out having fun wherever playing basketball, whatever it is, like I said, it's not about attending a lecture, or going in you're praying or something like that. I'm talking about just having fun, but having fun with the right people that can soften your heart and make you a better Muslim.
Number eight, doing things for others, meaning not just doing stuff for yourself. So we live in a society where it's all about us as an individual, right? That's just the top decide we need to take care of myself and take care of my own. And that's it.
That's one of the tricks of Shabbat as well. Right? You can just take care of yourself, make sure you're okay. Right. What is now tells us is the opposite. And this is why the President said no, you will have
he said that none of you truly believe until you love for your brother, would you love for yourself this idea that I know all of us have hurt like we all have this constantly. And it's one of those ideas that is easy to talk about, but very difficult to implement. Right? The fact that if you think about your life
Goals what you want your life wanting that for your brother or your sister. Right. That is how your Eman becomes proper. Right? If you really want to soften your heart, start doing things for other people. And he actually evens out. Even psychologists talk about this issue of they say if you want to live a fulfilling life, right start doing charitable auctions to start doing things for other people have something Islam's already told us, right that in order to soften our hearts in order for us to fill our spiritual, void, spiritual void, we have the spiritual sickness that I was talking about, in the beginning of this lecture, started doing things for other people. Right, start being a
little selfless, start helping other people. So let's say you want something for yourself, think about the people around you don't have that and be like, I want this for you as well. So that's that action of living your life in a way where you're serving other people or helping other people doing things for the sake of other people, I just helping people for no other reason. Right, then just to get close to a lot, this is an actual will soften your heart. Right? And this is why if you look at the center, over and over again, our service encourages us to do things for other people, when they're speeding, other people giving gifts to other people helping other people when a guest comes
your house, taking care of the of the guest, right? All these things involve other people, right. And that's the type of religion we have, which involves other people serving other people doing things for other people, and stepping away from always doing things for ourselves. Right, and the reason why we bought them as soon as because the sooner implementing this is how we obviously soften our hearts. Number nine, number one, number nine, is taking account taking an account of yourself, right? Having an honest discussion with yourself about your own life and your lifestyle. Right? The issue is a lot of us this is the exact opposite of of law.
So the opposite the the opposite of hoffler is to be aware, right? So look at your life and say, you know, what am I doing to soften my heart? How like for these these 10 things that I'm mentioning now, how many of these things do I do on a daily basis? For example, right? That is what is known as massive binary, right? When you take an account for yourself, right? You look at your life and take a realistic account and say in my life, this is what I did for myself, This is what I do. For others. This is how much time I spend. This is how much time is spent doing other things. This is how much time we spend increasing my knowledge. This is how much time is spent.
Looking at your life realistically. Right? One of the things discussed scholars talk about is self admission. Right? Being able to tell yourself when you're doing something wrong, is actually a blessing from Allah, the One who has that capability, right? Because some people will they do something wrong, they'll convince themselves nothing will say it's okay. It's okay. Right? The ability to tell yourself, basically stand up to yourself and tell yourself that this is wrong. This is a blessing.
Right? And this is something doesn't happen overnight. Something just takes practice. And that leads to my last point, which is constantly struggling with your knifes, right? Meaning it's not gonna happen overnight. It's not a quick fix, right? The issue of softening your heart or keeping your heart soft is not something that's gonna happen in one night. Right? It's something that requires us to struggle constantly until the day we die. Right. And this is one of the things that another trick of Chevron is to convince us that either good or bad, right that if it didn't get fixed overnight, and you're just a bad Muslim, here's the bad person, there's no hope for you. Right, Shannon, once
you understand that, it's about the struggle. It's about living our life. And we're constantly struggling with these issues. We're not like I said before, we're not expected to be perfect. We're not expected to be the perfect we'll never commit to this. It never does anything wrong. However, we are expected to struggle. But that is what our life is about struggling with use ups. And the more we struggle with our ups, the softer the more we'll be able to soften our heart in this life.
She said the fastest setups that have
been the most beloved actions to allow are those which are done consistently, even if they're small. In the end of the day, the difference between a winner and a loser is consistency. realize that's not an overnight fix. It is going to it takes time. It takes consistency. Like I said this is one of the tricks of trying to convince you that either you're a good Muslim, or bad Muslim, anyone who's at boundlessness can become a good Muslim if they just take the right steps and anyone who is a good Muslim can fall into becoming a bad Muslim and Allah subhanho wa Taala those best
of luck romantic