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Battling PORN Addiction

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Saad Tasleem

Channel: Saad Tasleem

Episode Notes

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


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A lot of yummy sauce will sit on a piano who said he never, you know, I will say do Andrea

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de COVID

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de la la la la la la la la,

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la la Linda my thought

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was it an email, but I didn't mean

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either one in unvalidated. Both enough was looking at him said I'm on April.

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First. And I would like to thank everyone who helped put this together. George Mason MSA, I think it's a lecture series like this or speaking about these topics. It's about time that we did something like this. I remember Pamela, if I go back to you before I left for the data, back when I started studying stem, and I was actually new to Islam as well. It was unheard of that you'd have an event like this, where somebody would say, you know what, everything else is great. All the other sub assemblies are great, and that's fine. But let's take like these taboo topics. And let's have like an open discussion about it. And let's admit the fact that just because we're listening, it

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doesn't make us immune to other problems or problems that exist in the society that we live in. Because the reality is that we are all part of the society all live in America as Americans. So a lot of the problems that this society has, it translates into Muslim culture or Muslim society as well, as a panel if you take a look at an issue like monography Okay, so it's not it's not only Muslims in America, but it's Muslims all over the world. It's a it's a worldwide problem. Every culture, every society is dealing with this issue of pornography.

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And what the problem is us as Muslims, are we doing something to address this issue? And so I think talking about it, talking about the reality of what are pornography is the effects of pornography. And all of that is the very first step. So I'm hoping to talk about this is just a stepping stone frog. This is a place for us to jump off from here and go Karis carry this discussion on further, where we actually come to practical solutions. And at the end of the talk today, inshallah, tada, I will give you some pieces of advice, some tips that I have, in terms of how to dress, or how to overcome pornography addiction. And I noticed a lot, as soon as I say pornography addiction, most

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people who view pornography, or who have access to pornography, most people don't view themselves as addicts. In Japan, a lot of people that have been out of council and the people come up to me,

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and they talk to me about the issue of pornography. It's usually at a state where a person admits themselves, and they say, you know what, I think I'm addicted to pornography, she helped me solve this problem. And somehow,

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there are so many people who haven't reached that stage yet. Or they might actually get this data, but they haven't told themselves, they haven't realized that they haven't. They have an addiction. And somehow the issue of pornography it starts way, way, way before addiction. And its power. You know, I, you know, I grew up in America. And I remember, like most people in America, especially young boys, we all can probably recall the first time that we were exposed to pornography, or nudity or something like that. It's a model, I use it for most people. It's a it's a, it's a strong memory. Because it was such a shocking thing. where a guy for 30 years, you're this young, innocent little

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kid, and someone says here, check this out. Right? And you're like, Whoa, that's strange. That's crazy. What is this? What else you got? Right? Like, show me more like?

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speaking, it's been a lot of parents. I often say, how about Remember, a while back, I was teaching a class to a bunch of young people. It was, I think, anywhere from 11 to 14 year old boys and girls. And I was teaching this class and we were talking about dipsea. And I started talking about some I have to sort of know, and the I art of Xena of adultery came up, and the punishment for adultery and we discussed that issue. and Japan about the very next day, I got a very angry email. One of the mothers of one of the young girls was in the class. And she's like, you know, I don't appreciate you talking to my child about Xena about adultery, and sex and things like this. And I said, You've had

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a lot like I was, first of all very shocked that the mother would be offended by something like that. Number two, I actually felt really bad of how ignorant this child's mother actually where this child thought that their 12 year old daughter has no idea what sex is. And their 12 year old daughter had no idea what was going on adultery and things like that. And I thought to myself as its parent

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I saw this to the mother as well. But I said, I says how long if we don't talk about these issues, if we don't address these issues, they're going to be left to other people. And if they're going to be left to people who aren't qualified people have skewed opinions or skewed perceptions about what this issue Actually, it's not even something like sex. I am a proponent of you know, Muslims talking to their children about sex before they ever are exposed to in any other way. Because the first impression that you have, or the first thing that you hear about sex and sexuality, or first impression, you have an opinion that that is going to be very, very strong. And for a lot of kids,

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that's how that first impression, it doesn't come from their parents, it doesn't come from one of their teachers or something like that, it comes from their peers, right, and especially if you go to like a normal school, or whatever.

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They hear things that you know, are, are very detrimental, how, even in talking to,

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and I do get the chance every once in a while to counsel people in marital in marital situation, people having marital problems. And a lot of the problems, we've had a lot of what I found in doing marriage, marriage counseling, a lot of times what I've found is that a lot of problems are not what they see. So for example, I have a wife says to her husband, she thinks about her husband, that he doesn't care about me, and he doesn't put any effort into a relationship or whatever. And that's the surface level problem. But there are problems that have led up to that issue. And it's a parallel some of the problems go back to something like pornography. And, you know, especially when it comes

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to couples counseling and things like that, men are very, very, very shy to admit that they do or not.

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And Pamela, I remember speaking to one brother, and, you know, listening to this problem, listen to issues. And I thought to myself, I saw a lot of these problems that you're having, you know, issues of intimacy and things like this. I said, I in my head, I'm like, I know, these are stemming from pornography. And I was waiting for him to be I was like, okay, we're having an honest discussion here. We're trying to, you know, solve the problem that you have a new relationship, whatever. And I said to myself, this week, I was waiting for him to say something about pornography, and say, you know, what, yeah, I have an issue with the Dharma. And he never said anything. At the end of this

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discussion. I spoke to him privately. And I said, Listen, do you watch pornography? And he goes, No, No, No, I don't. And I said, Come on, listen, just be honest with me and said, Listen, if you want me to help you with your problems, and you want me to help you solve this, these issues, that you're having a relationship, I need to know these things. And he goes, and then eventually, after I approached him, he goes, Yeah, you know, not really like sometimes every once in a while, but I'm not like a porn addict or something. Right. And I thought to myself, this how to walk. You don't know if your appointment, most people who are more leading in life where there was a look where they

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will end up in addiction. In on that path, they don't realize the path that they're on, right? They're in a state of denial, is what I really had to push this button, and it came out by the end of our discussion, it came out that he used pornography at least two to three times a week. Right? And I said, what you think that's not an addiction, the fact that you feel like you have to view pornography, two or three times a week or whatever? It's like, yeah, it's not a big deal. It's normal. Like, doesn't everyone do it anyway, it's possible that that was one of the big issues when it comes to pornography, the fact that it is widely accepted in our society, the fact that, you

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know, obviously, as we know, it's something which is legal. Right. And so, you know, we tend to look at this issue and think of it not as this sort of is not such a big deal. And it's only now some How long had the lovers how they were feeling now, that Muslim and non Muslim, especially non Muslims, when they go back to the research, and they they're doing studies and tests and things like this, now they're beginning to realize all problems that come from a society where pornography is rampant, one of the issues, things, especially in Muslim countries, and we don't want that to happen here. We don't want that to happen to Muslims in America, but in Muslim countries, like this issue doesn't

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even get talked about. It's very rare that people openly talk about this issue. Right and I hope that inshallah tada at least us as Muslims living in America, we can we can, we can save ourselves some capital. Right? We're Yes. You know, when when emails and scholars and all that when they talk about, they talk about issues, especially on the member when they talk about things and they do my husband lectures and all that, and all the stuff they talk about is great news, inshallah to others in the permitting that they share, and there's your benefit and all that. But we need to have open discussions about things like pornography, we need to make it so that a person who feels like they

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have a problem with pornography, can feel comfortable coming to going to a counselor, or feel comfortable going to their their email or their Sheriff or at least someone that they look up to, or an older brother or someone just someone, someone that they can talk to you. And one of the problems that a lot of people have people were dealing with in our prediction, right, is that they feel like they have no one to talk to their show. They're so ashamed.

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of what they're doing, that they just keep doing what they're doing, and they don't seek out any help. Right? They just they're too afraid to do and that's kind of luck. When someone comes up to me, and they say to me, like I have, like, I'm addicted to pornography, I immediately have an immense amount of respect for this person. And I always tell this to them, I say, Listen, you may, you may think that because you came up to me, and you told me that you have a problem with pornography, or that you do not for whatever, and I'm going to look down upon you, I have a tremendous amount of respect for you. Right? Why? Because the same thing happened or similar thing

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happened. At the time of the Prophet said a long time ago, there was a man this story is mentioned, he was

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a man, a young boy, and they say about this even not a young boy, like a young man. They say about this young man that he, he he liked sleeping around. Right? He enjoyed women is not. And that's like one of the problems that he was dealing with. And so he came to the Messenger of Allah, and he said, the messenger the law, he said, Can you make it permissible

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for or can you make adultery permissible? When we get it permissible for me to commit adultery? I said, why is it that that I have to be married to someone who won't have sex with him? And the prophets? I send them it's very interesting that the way the president responded to this young companion, you know, in our times, you know, you may hear someone if someone said that to a membership, whatever, they may say something like Stoffel was how, you know, you should be, you should be ashamed of yourself, and so on and so forth to make this person feel extremely guilty. Right to the point where the next time they have that habit issue, they're not going to do not even

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go talk about right. But the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said to him, he said, how would you like it?

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If someone committed Zina, or adultery with your mother?

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Or how would you like if someone committed adultery with your sister? Or your husband or your aunt, or one of your other female relatives? Would you like it for them? Would you like that? You know, I say it's permissible for someone to commit Zina with your female relatives. And he said, No, he said, there's no way I would accept that into the process. And I've said that if you don't accept it, for these for for your own relatives, why would you accept it for the women that you want to commit adultery? Why is it okay? Right. And then you've had a lot of profit. So I set it up, he made the offer. He said, Oh, law, making chaste. And finally, if you look at the way the profits, I set

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up a process situation, there's a couple of things happening here. Number one, the President didn't make him feel guilty, but the process and them made him realize the dangers of what he's asking for me to realize the problems with Yeah, it's very easy to say, you know, what, just do whatever you feel is due to you know, just do whatever feels good. It's about people who lead a life like that people who say, like, you know, just do whatever makes do whatever makes you feel good. Or like the the the Irish

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saying, to have his eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow, you will die, and they were in support. It's like, it's like a bar champ or whatever. Right? Basically, the point is just just do whatever you want, because you're gonna die or just have fun, or just enjoy yourself, and Japan a lot. It's very easy to adopt that type of upheaval, that type of fade the medical lifestyle, because you just do whatever makes you feel good. But if you are, just take a moment and think about the consequences of doing whatever you feel like doing whatever you want, do very quickly come to the realization that that's that's not a proper way to live your life. And you're going to be causing a lot of

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damage a lot of harm, not only to other people, that yourself as well. And so the profits of the lesson that made him understand that made him understand the problems in doing something making something like Zinner, thank you so much adultery, making that head up. And that is the approach and I believe in the last part, time knows best. But that is at least one of the approaches that we need to take to an issue like to an issue of pornography, where it's not about you know, the head out ha, of course, is how there's no doubt about that. There's no difference amongst the scholars about the issue of is it helpful to look at pornography, and there's not a single scholar who says, You know

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what, it's okay for you to Well, maybe you shouldn't watch pornography, but it's okay for you to like flip through a playboy is enough. Like there's no scholar who says that. Right. And I noticed how sometimes you should like masturbation comes up, and someone says, I have spam. I said, I had someone come up to me. And they say, and they're like, you know,

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you know, what's what's what's wrong with pornography? I didn't some scholars say that masturbation is okay. It isn't a difference of opinion that, you know, some scholars say, and I said, Yeah, of course, there is no doubt even though like majority of scholars are not considered masturbation to be permissible. There are many scholars who said that if there's, if there's a need for it, that is permissible for someone to master. But that's not the problem. The problem is what is associated with NASA. Right? It's very, very rare in our times, where someone masturbates without any type of without anything there to help arouse. I could just tell

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isn't happening. It's funny even even the scholars who said like masturbation is permissible. what they meant was that you know, you're in a situation where you're about to commit adultery. Right and your your desires and over overtaking you to the point where you cannot control yourself at this point. It's either you masturbate or you commit Zina. And in that situation, yeah, okay, it's harder for you to, it's hard for you to master. And then what do we need to take? Some of it is disliked. Right? But it is permissive. Right? No one ever said, Yeah, you know what, if you feel the need to masturbate, it's okay for you to go like you porn, calm, open up the website and be like, Yo, man,

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let me go ahead and

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need right now, like I have to do. The scholars said, you have to go live in a time of need after this. So this is a time of need. Right? So that's my issue here. And like I said, the issue of hand power, I think I think almost anyone, you know, if you if you were to ask yourself, as a person, I've said this a few times, but ask yourself, or ask your heart this, there's no issue here. Everyone understand that? watching pornography is something that is not permissible in Islam. But the issue here is that putting it in context of are putting pornography in context, us understanding the harms, and the dangers of pornography is analog, if you were to actually do some research and

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look into the harms of pornography, or how could argue effects is, there's so much data out there, even if it's powerful preparing for this talk, I was overwhelmed with the amount of data that is out there, the amount of studies the amount of research that I've done, I guess a lot of people are concerned about pornography and masturbating. So it's a lot of research has gone into this. But it's it's out there, right? It's kind of like even even issue of how viewing pornography affects the brain, like new, newer neurologists have studied the brain to see what happens in the brain when when a person

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use pornography. And what they found is that just like, you know, when it comes to drugs and things like that,

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just like when it comes to drugs and things like that, what happens is there is a chemical in the brain called dopamine, it's like the pleasure chemical, when you come across something which is pleasurable to dopamine is released in your brain. And that's the way pleasure works. And the same thing is true with food and things like that. And sex, where you find something pleasurable there is dopamine release in your brain. Now, when it comes to things like drugs, and especially think drugs like cocaine, when you when you, when you take cocaine use cocaine, the dopamine, there's a there's an excess of there's a surge of dopamine in your brain, right. And this is why you feel this immense

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amount immense amount of pleasure, when you take that certain drug. And they found that this, the very similar thing happens when it comes to pornography. And they you know, they sat some people down, they hooked up some wires in their head, they said here, you'll love what's important, I want to study your brain, right. And what they found is that there was a surge in dopamine. And this is why they found that, like drugs, pornography can very, very quickly become addicted very, very quickly can become addictive, because the same thing happened just like, you know, just like with certain drugs, it's very quick to fall into to an addiction with a positive drug, even a person who

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says you know, I'm not gonna get out, I'll be okay, whatever, even that's how a person can very quickly become addicted to that type of drug. Um, so what they found is that, not only is there a surge of dopamine, there are pathways that get created in your brain. So when you expose yourself to something, there's a pathway that gets created in your brain, and the more you expose yourself to it, the stronger that pathway that connection gets, what they found with pornography, is that when a person views pornography, or they viewed sexual images and things like that, that that pathway is extremely strong, right, very, very, very strong. And they've had a lot and even the issue with an

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RV is that it's not even an issue of like, if you view it and somebody will say like, if you view pornography a lot, that's when you become addicted. What they found is that even if you view pornography, just once, there's a pathway that gets created in your brain, and that in your brain like that, what happens is that that image is so strong for that individual, that it keeps repeating itself in their head. Right? And this is why if you ever look at pornography, he said, I would never look at that. Again. It may be like a day later, two days later, three days later, four days later, that can wait you may still be playing. And this is why when I said you know if you think about the

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first time we were exposed to pornography, I'm sure most people if we know I'm not going to ask you to tell me. But if I were to ask you and say can you remember what that image was? Or what was happening in that image, you can probably remember, right and that shows you how strong that connection was when the person the person was exposed to or not just like other addictions. So you know, like I said, it can very quickly become addiction, just like other addictions. There, they have certain characteristics. So number one, a higher tolerance and desensitization. So this is something that we see

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happened in other drugs, and we see it happen with pornography as well, that the more you expose yourself to it, the more you need to feel satisfied, right. And it's not only that it actually escalates. So the more you watch pornography, the more you need to watch. And what they found is, it's not just an issue of quantity, it's actually an issue of the type of pornography as well. So if you watch like a certain type of cryptography, as a person, you know, it's possible someone starts telling itself like softcore, porn, right? They want something like that, the next time, you're going to need something a little bit more exciting, something a little bit more extreme. And then

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the next time they watch it, you're gonna do something even more extreme, and so on so forth. Because what's happening is that our brain, because of that surge of dopamine, we need to feel that same high, we need something else something novel, right this way, you know, the scientists who discovered the who studied the issue of marketing, they said, it's not just about the nudity is about the novelty, of pornography, the fact that a person can log onto the internet, and they cannot, it's not just they're watching as one woman do one thing, they can watch multiple different women doing multiple different things, and this and that, and because of that novelty, you need that

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to to feel that same pleasure. And you know, I have a couple of these studies in the next slide. They did a study in Australia, where once again, they got a bunch of men together. And they showed them pornographic images, right, but they only showed them one images, like an image of one woman who is knew that she was involved in some type of pornographic scene or something like that. And they showed it to the men over and over again, and we found is that their arousal, it kept getting lower and lower to the same image. But this point here, where it was a spike, they found this spike when they changed the issue, as soon as they brought a new image. So they were shown this new type

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of pornography, immediately their arousal levels went up, right, and he was probably even studied sheep. And once again, what they found is that if they took it, they took a sheep, they took a male sheep, and they had him have intercourse with a female. And they and they found that each time that she would have intercourse, that the amount of time it took for him to reach climax or to to calculate that it took longer and longer in love with it with the same partner. But in the second graph here, in the second part about when they introduce different types of sheets, or the juice sheet, that was a different sheet, it wasn't the same even though all she probably looked the same

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to us to that sheet, this is like this is a different sheet, right?

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What they found is that each of those colors is a new sheet, raise a new female. So with a new female, they found that the time to ejaculation was shorter.

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Right. And so what happens in and the same thing happens in monogamy.

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What happens to monogamy is is the same thing that a person may view pornography. And let's say it takes them like three minutes.

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probably pretty awkward, three minutes, two minutes, whatever, to have an orgasm, right? The next time, if they were to look at that same image, that same video, that same scene or whatever, would take them longer than three minutes. However, if they're able to bring new images and new videos and new things, then they're able to reach their climax in the same short amount of time that they were to before. And this is how what happens is that a person goes from very something which is something which would be considered more normal society, something that can be a lot more extreme. Number two, self deception. So with all other addictions, the same thing happens here is that a person

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will start to deceive themselves, they will start to tell themselves, they'll start to rationalize your your addiction. A person even may even say that I'm not addicted. And this is very common to have on especially with with porn addiction. of most people aren't using porn as important. They don't feel like they're addicted. And I'm okay I don't have a problem, right. And this is common with other addictions as well. Or they may try to rationalize their addiction. So they may say something like, you know why it's so difficult to get married in this day and age. It's okay, let me just do it now for a while once I get married on stuff. And there's a host of other problems that

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comes with that issue as well. Number three loss of control with just like all other addictions a person who gets addicted to pornography, they they lose control of their own behavior. So a person may understand the consequences of this action. So they may know all the harms and all the issues that come to a person, their mind, their life and relationships, everything that we know all the harms of pornography, but at the same time, they they they can't stop, right they have lost control over themselves. Number four a distortion of attention and this is basically when a person

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they

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have in their normal life, they give attention to certain things and certain people, but because of their addiction, their attention has changed. Right. So for example, if a person a good example, this person, let's say there's a brother who's married, if he did not have a pornography addiction, he may give his wife a certain amount of time where he may have a certain amount of a certain type of relationship with his wife, but because of his pornography addiction, relationship is, is very, very different. And number five symptoms of withdrawal.

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So just like with other addictions, if you were to cut this person off, but what they're addicted to, they would suffer the same types of withdrawal symptoms, irritability, depression, and anxiety and things like that all of that occurs with pornography as well as

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pornography.

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What we know from pornography is that it does a very good job of changing what a person views to be normal, right? So if you take a look at a person's life, before they started watching pornography, and after they started watching pornography, what they will notice is that what they viewed to be normal, has very quickly changed. And it's actually it's actually very smart. How porn movies and the porn industry actually goes about doing this and is paler. When I when I read this, I thought it was like, wow, this is really smart. And the way they get people to get addicted to these abnormal behaviors are they find it when they begin to find these abnormal behaviors attractive and good. And

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they begin to become aroused by these abnormal behaviors, the way the porn industry works is that they slowly, not so subtle, but they in a very step by step way, they desensitize you to these type of things. So the first time person, let's say they look at pornography for the first time, they may see a very, it's a app that they consider to be normal. There's, there's a guy having vaginal sex with a girl. Right? Nothing odd about that, you know, they do that to be normal, no big deal. But a couple scenes later, in the sacred geography, this man begins to have anal sex with that girl. Right. And initially, he's like, that's kind of weird. But then he noticed is that he was aroused to

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begin with. And now he begins to find that arousing as well. Right. And then it goes further. And you know, other other things are performed, you introduce other partners, and this and that. And he can either lead to things like, you know, you know, the amount of craziness out there, but you know, humiliation, beating, there's rape, porn, child pornography and things like that. It's kind of like if you were to take this person, and the first time we showed them pornography, you showed him something like that. And it was like, That's disgusting. But the fact that it was gradual, they took something that they can't be normal, they have something abnormal to that. Now they're in a

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situation where they find that to be normal. And this is very, very common. So person, they find themselves in a situation. And I noticed, I was speaking to this one brother. And he said to me, he said, you know, after I'm done, masturbating, he said, I'm discussing myself and he said, I'm disgusted at what I was looking at. I was like, I find it to be disgusting. And he's like, I don't understand why, before I had an orgasm, that I didn't find it to be disgusting, it was turning me on. Right. And the problem here is that, once again, the person is desensitize. And not only were they desensitized, they felt like they needed that in order to be turned on. What they found as

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well, running photography, is that when it comes to relationships, it has, it's very detrimental to a person's sex life. One of the biggest issues is expectations that the spouse will have some will have from their spouse, when a person watches pornography, or they get addicted to pornography, or they're exposed to pornography, they begin to view certain things, not only, as I said, not only as normal, but also something that they need to be around. So they need a certain action to be around. And they may even turn their spouse to go to the doctor, you know, let's try this something which is different. Right. And it may work for a while, maybe for the first time to have sex and the second

00:29:05--> 00:29:45

time, whatever it may work for about a while, but eventually, what they'll find is that they're not aroused in the same way that they weren't aroused when they were looking at pornography. Right? It's not the same, and just the fact that this person is having sex with a single partner, right? So for example, there's a guy who watches pornography or whatever, and his wife does, like everything that this certain porn star does not that poor lady does everything. But the fact that she's one person, and she's not multiple partners, that may be enough for him to not be around, not be turned on. And somehow not only that, we have an issue now of Ed, Ed is reptile dysfunction. Basically don't know

00:29:45--> 00:30:00

what that is. That's basically when a guy can't get it. Right. And in the past, what they found is that people who got erectile dysfunction, it was the older generation is when a person got old and because of

00:30:00--> 00:30:04

physical problems because of their age, and so on and so forth, they put that whole new direction.

00:30:05--> 00:30:46

And they never found is very rare that someone under the age of like 40, or 45, who would have erectile dysfunction. Now in our times, they find that a lot of young people when I when I, when I see him, I don't mean like 30s and early 20s, even in their teens, and people in their teens, who can't hit him. Right. And the issue here is this is not it's not it's not a physical problem. You know, you can't treat it with drugs. And it's a psychological problem. It's it's how they have desensitize themselves to, to these, how they desensitize themselves. And they need these these perverted with really extreme type of images to be turned off, right. And one of the examples that

00:30:46--> 00:31:15

I've that I've heard about this is that if you were to imagine that you are someone who stands up in there next to like, a fart like, so turn on the fire alarm, and right next to the place where the sound of the fire alarm is coming in, right. And it's super easy. If you ever been in a situation where there's a fire alarm going on, it's super loud, right? Extremely Loud, and this person covers their ears, because it's too loud for them. Now, while this person has their ears covered, if you were to walk up to this person and try to have a conversation with them, they'd be like,

00:31:18--> 00:31:47

like, maybe I have no idea what you're talking about, and they can't hear you. Right? The same thing as his analogy with pornography as well, where a person has brought themselves to a level where they have none of their senses. And there's none of their arousal where they need a certain level of certain type of images and certain extreme images before they can be around. Right. And that causes a person to have erectile dysfunction. Also the fact that a person's, as we said, neurologically, it actually alters pathways.

00:31:48--> 00:32:20

Right. So person, what they find, like, the way they get off with the way they're used to getting off, because they do it so often is that they sit by themselves in front of computer screen or whatever. And they will have like 20, tabs open, and they go from video to video to video, or whatever, and different sizes and all that. And they're looking at 10 different types of pornography, and they get off that way. Right. That's how you have trained your brain to be around. And you take that person, you put them in a situation when they're having sex with a real woman, for example, they cannot perform, right? And they'll go to a doctor and be like, you know, I think got

00:32:20--> 00:32:28

reptile dysfunction damage drugs. And so why are some like that? Why are we not gonna solve anything in this situation? Right, this issue is that is the point that they have

00:32:29--> 00:33:02

exposed themselves to, also we're finding now is that four is linked to a lot of psychological illnesses in Japan alone. So it's very interesting how now what they're finding is that there are people who have different psychological illnesses, depression, anxiety, even obsessive compulsive disorder, and and many other problems. For the longest time psychologists and psychiatrists, they were treating the problem, right, where somebody would be like, you know, having depression, so they give them like, I don't know, Zoloft, or whatever they prescribe for,

00:33:03--> 00:33:45

for depression, right. And they, what they find now is that a lot of these psychiatrists do just trying to solve the symptoms, because all of these things that are happening are a symptom of their use of pornography, or the fact that they have viewed pornography so much. And what a lot of psychologists are finding out is that when they address the actual problem, the issue of their addiction to pornography, that a lot of these issues just go away on their own. Not only that, pornography also affects a person's self esteem or their self images in guys. And girls, by the way, I know like people, when they think of pornography, they only think of guys. And it's true, it's

00:33:45--> 00:34:20

more so the guys that do pornography, but it's becoming more and more culturally acceptable in our society for women to be productive as well. Right? I don't like guys, it doesn't make any sense, like women are combined. Like that's not how they work. Like I said, if you put the person pro photographer, because of the surge of dopamine, because of new paths being created in the brain, even they can be addicted to pornography, and they can be in a situation where they require an RPG. So when it comes to a person's self esteem, self image, here's a problem that a lot of guys are having. And the problem is this, that, you know, especially young boys, and as I mentioned before,

00:34:20--> 00:34:24

it's lunchtime. It's it's at a young age, and actually one of the studies found that

00:34:25--> 00:35:00

most people are like the average age when most people first their first exposure to pornography happens around the age of 10. That's the average age where most people are exposed to pornography. So you take this young boy, and you show this young boy pornography, this person says Washington, our community, you know, there's fear, they feel aroused about it, so on and so forth. Now, as they watch pornography, they begin to have a certain image of what normal is, right so they look at this person, this porn star for example, this guy who's been having sex for like 30 4050 minutes

00:35:00--> 00:35:35

Right, and he has an erection just never got, right. And so this young boy, he begins to think of himself, when he's actually married was a years later he gets married. He's in a situation where he cannot last more than like four minutes or five minutes or 10 minutes. Right? You look at that and feel bad about himself and say, You know what, there's something wrong. And even the opposite of that is true as well. A girl a woman, for example, who has a, you know, who has watched a lot of pornography, she may turn her husband and be like, what's wrong with you? Why can't you last two and a half hours? Right, that there's something wrong with it. Right. And, and that's her perception of

00:35:35--> 00:36:15

what a guy's supposed to be like, a young man's his his perception of what a young man is supposed to be like, and how they're supposed to act. Now this was in sex, and support a lot. You know, the sex that takes place in pornography, and the sex that takes place in real life is very, very different. pornography is all about immediate pleasure. It's about shot. If you think about when people watch pornography, it's about fast forward and clicking through and just anything to do to get yourself aroused to have an orgasm as quick as possible. Real sex is not just about the orgasm, it's about human touch. It's about feelings. It's about love. It's about caressing just the fact

00:36:15--> 00:36:49

that sex has everything to do with touch, the fact that you're aroused by touching, feeling the other person that's not found pornography. So this whole time, let's say this person monography, for like, five or 10 years or whatever, in their brain, the brain doesn't understand that touch is supposed to turn them on that feeling love and feelings connection is supposed to train. They don't they just don't get that. And this is why, like I said, they may not be able to perform, right, because it's not the type of sex that they're used to. And even young girls, young girls who watch pornography, we live in a in a cultures palette where you know, and I know the whole time I've been

00:36:49--> 00:37:13

saying for a long time most people are thinking of like, as I said, like apart choreography is how we live in a time where there's pornography and like TV, and you take, you know, a lot of TV shows these days. If you were to play them like 10 years ago, 15 years ago, people would be like, this is this is portal, right? There's a show by the name of Game of Thrones, right? You guys are proud of people like No, we haven't heard about

00:37:16--> 00:37:31

Game of Thrones full of nudity, full of scenes that people having sex movies come out every day. And I remember Scott a lot when the movie 300 came out. Right? I know, there's a sequel that just came out recently, whatever that I think came out about 510 years ago.

00:37:34--> 00:38:13

2008 2000 Okay, came out 2007. I remember back then we had a lot people went to the theater, and they came out and like a lot of like Muslims who went to go watch that movie, they came out thinking like, I cannot believe I just watched it. Right? Because there was like unity, there are people having sex and things like that. And to kind of like fast forward, you know, whatever, 510 15 years, people went to watch the new one. I'm sure there's I'm sure there's probably the same type of the same type of scenes in the new 300 that there wasn't right, but not a single people's eyes have had a lot. I have tons of friends on Facebook. That's one of the ways where I keep my pulse on what's

00:38:13--> 00:38:29

going on in the world when it comes to young people, things like that. Not one toast. I didn't see a single post on Facebook about you know what, maybe we shouldn't watch three, or maybe we shouldn't do it because there are scenes with nudity and people having sex.

00:38:30--> 00:39:09

Right, not a single post. And that's just difference between now and like 510 years. Right? And so as I said, even like women when they watch these movies and young girls when they watch movies and things like that, and you know, even in everyday society, like I said, you take someone we take young pop stars, Miley Cyrus, Liana, Lady Gaga, whatever. They're pretty much like almost the only talk ox that began this thing on this whole thing happened with Miley Cyrus or whatever he crazy stuff or whatever. That is, that is a version of pornography. Right? It's kind of like, if you go back to you know, can you put the first like, the definition of pornography, or where the word

00:39:09--> 00:39:52

monogamy comes from? It comes from the Greek word for photographics, which means writing about prostitutes. Right? So when you when you when you write about prostitutes, that's predominant. In our in our, in our time, people say prostitution is the documentation of profit, sorry, pornography is the documentation of prostitution. Right, where a woman is being paid, a guy's being paid to have sex, and that is what this person is. And this this is we've we've documented it, we put it on screen or whatever. And this is why a lot of people who you know, we're these days fighting for the legalization of prostitution, one of the arguments that they use is what's the difference? What's

00:39:52--> 00:39:59

the difference between prostitution and pornography? Right, a woman and a man are being paid to have sex. That's what follows

00:40:00--> 00:40:09

institution, right? It's a power and a lot of these, you know, pop stars and things like that. This is the image a lot of young girls have. But in terms of even in terms of

00:40:10--> 00:40:38

what looks good, what is attractive? So yeah, look, I have a young girl who says, You know, I need to look like that, in order to feel attractive. Like I said, there's, there's girls who can't look like that, right? And we put our self worth in the way you look. And this is another one of the big and I gave a talk on this whole issue of self esteem and self worth or whatever. But you know, we live in a society we play so much of our self worth, into the way we look. Right? If you look good, you feel good about yourself, you don't look good look.

00:40:39--> 00:40:44

Right. And there, that's a you know, a separate topic, a whole nother issues. But there's another host of problems that come with that as well.

00:40:46--> 00:40:49

In another another study, and I think there's the last thing.

00:40:51--> 00:40:53

They did a study where they studied

00:40:54--> 00:41:29

export losers, right? So they sat down, and they they took the typical people who said, Listen, stop watching pornography for a certain amount of time. Right. And what they found is that, so they studied them, they interviewed them. And what they found is that people who stopped watching pornography, that before in their life, they were having issues that they didn't even know about, right? issues like loneliness, issues, like procrastination, issues of not having drive in their life, maybe an issue, even other psychological illnesses and things like that. They found that the only factor that was changed in this person's life was that they stopped watching pornography,

00:41:29--> 00:41:50

everything else was kept the same. Right? They just stopped watching pornography. And they found that people are doing these interviews, people said things like, I found, like, I realized I'm capable of doing so much more. I found that I stopped procrastinating so much. I found that people just kind of had so much focus in my life, I found this not because their whole state of mind actually change

00:41:51--> 00:42:26

some people. And finally, there's a new trend these days, where like, non Muslims are quitting, you know, pornography, masturbation, things like that. You know, and one of the biggest driving factors behind that is, Ed, my guys are afraid. And this is a good reason. Right? All the other problems that mentioned the psychological problems and problem relationships and all that, put that aside, just the fact that you will may not be able to get up one day, you know, for a lot of people it is enough. Right. But that should definitely and that's at least one of the things that is causing people to stop. Now I want it to end until what are some tips

00:42:29--> 00:42:33

for how to overcome pornography addiction. Like I said,

00:42:34--> 00:42:43

I don't want people to look at this. And think of someone else and say, You know what, I don't have a pornography addiction. It's not me, it's it's someone else.

00:42:44--> 00:43:18

A lot of people when they're asked about their addiction, you know what the signs of an addiction is not to be the person is incapable of stopping. And we said people are in denial about their addiction, they will often say something like, you know, if I wanted to, I could quit at any time. Right? Well, once I get married, I'll stop. Right. And obviously, the obvious thing we say to them is okay, if you feel like you can stop whenever you want, and stop now. And if you can stop, then you're not addicted. But if you can't stop or you come back after a certain while or whatever, and after a while, you're like, you know, I'm masturbating so long, but now I'll be okay. There's a big

00:43:18--> 00:43:54

sign that you are addicted. But some of these some of these points download their advice for me and this is this is compiled from a couple different resources and from a little bit of experiences to the counseling some young people as well. So if you don't have a problem with pornography, inshallah you don't, but if you do, inshallah, tada, you can benefit from this, at the very least, if you're not dealing with this yourself, when people come to you for advice, then inshallah, tada, you can talk to them and use it, some of the things you can get them, some of the things you can advise them with, when it comes to their problems with number one,

00:43:55--> 00:44:33

the brain can be rewired. Right, so what they found when they when they did like the brain studies and things like that, is that yes, pornography is very strong in creating those, those connections. But as opposed to some of the other addictions, it is possible for a person to rewire their brain meaning it is possible for a person to get rid of their pornography addiction. One of the things that they mentioned about pornography is that cold turkey works with or not, with a lot of addictions and may not work, right. A lot of addictions like can you take yourself off or whatever. But when it comes to photography, cold turkey works, because that is a way that you can rewire your

00:44:33--> 00:44:59

brain. Number two, consider the victims of pornography and the porn industry. You don't have had enough of the young man who came to the Prophet so I set it up and said, O Messenger of Allah make it permissible for me to convince him that the prophets I send them made me realize the effects of what he's asking for. Right. Likewise, we as Muslims, it's Yeah, it's about us, our relationships, but also we need to look beyond ourselves. We need to look at

00:45:00--> 00:45:01

What we are,

00:45:02--> 00:45:16

what we are contributing to, what do we watch for? And I know somebody, you know, at one point, they said to me, they said, You know, I don't pay for porn, it's all good. Right? I just watch presets catalog. Whether you're paying for it or not, you're still contributing to keeping the party

00:45:18--> 00:45:31

going, the way things work is supply and demand, the worse the more demand there is for pornography, the more pornography is going to produce, that's just the way it works. But a person who's one of the one of the advices, I would give is a person who stopped struggling with a porn addiction.

00:45:33--> 00:46:10

Just take a moment to consider what's happening outside of you as an individual. Right? Even the fact that this woman that you're watching, this is someone's mother, this is someone's daughter, this is someone's sister, right? And even how you would even say that the next time you sit, sit down and watch porn, say to yourself, what if this was my sister? And I know that may be like, you know, to, to visual for something to to make too much for some people, right? But sometimes, that's what you need. Ask yourself, would I be okay, with one of my relatives doing this? I would that would that be okay for me. So think of think of what's happening outside of just you as individuals

00:46:10--> 00:46:48

as Muslims, we very much pay attention to what's happening outside. It's not only do we not not want harm for ourselves, we don't want to harm other people as well, into power, even like the status of a woman in Islam is incredibly even even even the Arabic term for a woman is Hello, hello, karma comes in harmony, someone who is sacred, someone who needs to be protected someone who is someone who you hold at a very high status, right? So just the fact that a person opens up pornography, and they watch these women being degraded and used. And this means that they don't value this, besides that beside the fact that her she's Muslim or no, besides that the fact that she's a woman, right

00:46:48--> 00:47:26

means it means that when you do that, think about and be like, Listen, I'm actually helping you great. This means I'm watching, I'm agreeing with what she's doing. And I'm helping her do what she is doing. It's very easy to me, one of the things that happened was power law. And this is one of the tricks of shut upon, by the way, is that he will cause us to look at our sins and try to rationalize them. And, you know, especially when it comes to pornography, people tend to objectified the women that are in pornography, for example, even guards as well. But you may personally view photography, and look at this individual as just someone who's one dimensional, like almost like

00:47:26--> 00:47:59

it's a fictional character, it's like animation, this person isn't real, right? That they're just there, to to provide you with some type of arousal, right? That's their only job. That's what that's what they're there for. And the reality is that this is a real human being, they have a life just like you have a life, they may have children, they definitely she definitely has parents, right siblings, cousins, this and that, right? So take yourself, put yourself in that position where you can look at the context. Number three, as I said, I alluded to this before, but also take an objective look at yourself. Were

00:48:00--> 00:48:39

in hours, and one of the advices that I give is, think of it as an out of body experience. Right? Think of yourself, imagine yourself sitting there, and you can do this right now. If you you know, have an issue with pornography, or you you pornography. Just imagine yourself sitting there by yourself in the dark or whatever, the room is locked or whatever. And you turn on this, this, wherever you log on, and you still watching anything. And you pull your pants down, right? And you take out some blue, and you do this they did now and I know most people like oh four, I'm saying that that's does that make you uncomfortable? Do you even think about that? Yes. Yes.

00:48:40--> 00:48:43

I'm glad one person so I'm comfortable by the rest of you guys.

00:48:48--> 00:49:25

But when you think of when you think of yourself in that position, right? That's not an honorable position to be. Right. We're like I said, you know, if you were to take yourself and look at, like I said, have out of body experience and look into yourself, like that's what's happened at the duration that can very much help as well, controlling one's gaze, obviously, and we know, lowering your gaze controlling his gaze is a big part of Islam. It's a big part of our etiquettes and our morals, and part of who we are as Muslims. And there's many there's a lot of love behind that. And it's, it's very interesting how long it was. I believe it's a sort of know what was the era says,

00:49:25--> 00:50:00

tell the believing men to lower their gaze, right in the very next it says, tell the leading women to lower their gaze. And that's how I know a lot of people tend to think of lowering the gaze just for guys, right? Those guys should lower their gaze when we can do whatever they want. Right? That's not how it works. It's funny. It's for guys and girls. But what it says here is controlling your gaze other than porn, right? I'm not talking about lawyer gaze when you're showing poor, right? Obviously, lower your case in your show, like don't look at it, right? That's not we're talking about here. We're talking about in situations where it's not poor, but it's something that

00:50:00--> 00:50:34

You shouldn't be looking at, right? Whether it be TV, whether it be movies, whether it be magazines, whether it be an article on Facebook, whether it be someone's profile picture that's like, you know, whatever, whatever it is, but something that will, that will, that will cause you to arouse something that you shouldn't be looking at. And one of the wait, one of the things that leads to pornography is, especially for people who aren't married yourself, they don't have like another, like a head on way to like to deal with their desires and stuff. But they may look at something very, you know, that most people consider very normal, right? It's just, it's just a, it's just a

00:50:34--> 00:51:07

woman on TV or whatever. And something which is not that, you know, she's not nude, but she's wearing a bikini. And that may be the spark that leads a person to masturbate, or a person to watch pornography, like an hour or two hours later, right? So making a conscious effort to be like, you know, what, I think about the fact that this one image could lead you to looking at pornography, this one movie, or whatever the scene is, or whatever it is, controlling gaze in that situation, even when you're out and about, I know, 100 lots going on right now. But summer is coming up, right? Especially those of you guys who go to college and things like that. But even though right, just

00:51:07--> 00:51:39

walking across campus, and like that, even like you making a conscious effort to control your gaze, Laurie, and I look, it's not easy, like I get it. You know, we live in a society where it's very, we're taught to make eye contact with people, we're taught to look at things. We live in a very important society, we're taught to look at people without putting people's lives, reality shows and this and that we're constantly looking at people, we're constantly interested in what's happening in other people's lives. Even if you look at Facebook, and Twitter and things like that. What is that except a chance for us to look into people's lives? Okay, I wonder what this person is doing? I

00:51:39--> 00:51:58

wonder, you know, so people post their own. And that's where that's, that's the type of society we live in. Or we're taught to look at anything and everything, right? Everything is interesting, for the same reason why the driving down for 95, and you see an accident and has nothing to do with your life. Right? You're actually getting late for work, but you slow down.

00:52:00--> 00:52:01

I wonder if someone died?

00:52:02--> 00:52:21

I wonder if somebody's limbs got chopped off. Right? It's also talked to the society we live in is power, you know, talk about celebrity cultures, how about one of the things that is very, very, you know, happens in a celebrity culture is that we love to raise people up. We like to take like the dumbest stupidest people and make us laugh.

00:52:27--> 00:52:38

Not only that, but that's only half of the equation. Right? That's only half the other half of the equation is we like to raise people up. And we like to walk them crash and burn.

00:52:39--> 00:53:18

And this is why you know, take your fever, take Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, whatever, people love it when they break down. Right? That's entertainment process. So I get it, I get it's very difficult to lower your gaze. But this is something that, you know, it takes patience. And it takes perseverance just like our humblot. Just like with everything else that we're doing in life when it comes to branding, and he needed to almost kind of have to, when it comes to fast mpma whatever it is, there's no one who's perfect, right? Even somebody who prays all over their body prayers on time, every single day, they pray there soon, they pray there soon as they pray, they know up for

00:53:18--> 00:53:57

everything, even a person, their prayer is not perfect. At some point, they may have thought about something at some point, something else may have happened, even Roomba will be alone. That is an authentic nourishing robot with the law. It says I was one standing in my prayer, and I started to count the army, you start to count the number of people in his army. And this shows that this is how human beings are. Right? We're not perfect. We're talking. By the way. One of the reasons was the hecklers about saying this stuff will last up to the last one after you finish parade is to ask Allah to forgive you for the shortcoming that you have a prayer because everyone has failed. But

00:53:57--> 00:54:24

just like just this just like you view your other activities, and all that kind of stuff. The same type of approach should be taken too long. Again, it's very easy and this is one of Shannon's tricks is to come to you and say you can never do it. It's not gonna happen. You know, it starts with it starts with this trick of shuttling starts with people's email. You will come to somebody who's not practicing Muslim, non religious Muslim say, you can never do it. You're just a bad person. You can never become a religious Muslim. You can never become an over time.

00:54:27--> 00:54:58

You'll say someone will come this person said you know, you can never do it. You're not you're not good enough to become good Muslim, and Chicago say no, why bother praying and you commit this asset? Well, even when it comes down to the individual sins trebon will come to you and say, Do you even bother because you're never going to do and even when it comes to pornography is power law. I don't wish that upon. get you to lose hope. Every time you come back. monography make Toba seek repentance and make the intention to get rid of this Paul oppose that word.

00:55:01--> 00:55:02

I need I need to

00:55:06--> 00:55:09

identify the emptiness that you are trying to fill with for

00:55:11--> 00:55:40

one of the things that they have found a lot of counselors, they say that when people turn to something like pornography and even other addictions, whether it's drugs or this or whatever it is that usually there's something missing in their life, there's an emptiness in their life that they're trying to fill. And this is why they turned to things like this. So once again, being perspective. And if you can't do it yourself, I would actually even say get counseling. Go speak to a counselor who will speak to psychiatrists, talk about your life, talk about your call and talk about your issues, they may help you identify the emptiness or the little holes that are in your

00:55:40--> 00:55:51

life that you are trying to fill with pornography. Number six, identify patterns in your life. People who watch pornography and people who are not getting stuck.

00:55:52--> 00:56:12

If they just look at the patterns in life, and how they approach photography, it's easy to find those patterns. So one thing was a very common is most people watch pornography in isolation, when they're not around other people showing up right at the very least, other people. So they're in a situation where

00:56:13--> 00:56:47

they're by themselves, or they're in, they're in a situation where it's usually after midnight, it's usually when this or that. So once you identify the triggers of your of what caused you to, you know, watch pornography or whatever, you can identify those things and stay away from those type of things. For example, for example, point number seven, spend less time alone, if you find that you usually watch pornography or whatever, when you're alone, then you need to stop spending money, stop being alone. So you know, busy yourself with things that will take up your time and take up your day where you don't have time to do nothing. And sometimes what is sometimes people turn to pornography,

00:56:48--> 00:56:51

simply out of boredom, right before they got nothing to do.

00:56:53--> 00:56:54

Number

00:56:57--> 00:56:58

eight, pastor

00:56:59--> 00:57:35

had a lot I remember speaking to one brother, and I said, I said know what you should fast. You're having issues wrong feet. He goes, Yeah, that never works. Right? Yeah, I know, that I'm sad that you should ask, but that just that just never works. There's no official scientific proof for that or anything like that. How about this? How about the fact that the province that have won it, send them advise that person has, you know, the heady leaves inside behind them, say, whoever amongst you is able to get married? So they should get married? And if they're not able to get married? What should they do? They should fast. And now somehow a lot studies are showing that

00:57:37--> 00:58:14

a decrease in calories leads to a decrease in libido. Right? So when you when you're hungry, or when you when there's less food in your body, and there's just less of that it also kills your sex. Right? So a person is in a position where they, they they're addicted to pornography, or they feel like they must turn to pornography. What I'm not saying that's the solution that I've seen, that's good. And all the stuff that I'm mentioning here, it's not that not all these points are not individually the solution they could be, but not enough what I'm seeing here, it's definitely something that very much helps, right? Very much houses. Now, there's also there's a separate topic,

00:58:14--> 00:58:27

but there's also a very strong link, there's a lot that overeating and obesity has in common with pornography, pornography addiction. You know, we talked about an increase in dopamine in the brain, when people overeat and things like that.

00:58:28--> 00:59:06

The same, it's very similar that releases dopamine in their brain. And this is why it's patent law, just like you know, Sony were addicted pornography. Likewise, so many people are fat. Four out of five Americans are overweight. obese is Palawan. I live in Saudi and they know, I know, I pick and pick on Saturday a lot. Because I live there, I got to see like the inner workings of Saudi stuff. That's how I noticed even in Saudi Arabia. Now, you see that more and more people are coming overweight. Food is like a big industry. They're now one of the one of the holes in it. I was in a taxi once in Medina. And the taxi driver is talking to me, like where are you from this kind of

00:59:06--> 00:59:07

stuff. And

00:59:08--> 00:59:43

we were talking about something and then he said, You know, my whole family they run restaurants is that I'm the only one who drives a taxi. And I'm like, Oh, really? He goes, Yeah, he goes, they say in Saudi Arabia, that if there's one business that will never fail pizza restaurant, because people love to eat. And so how about we see the same thing, just like we get into we, we get into our desires when it comes to pornography. And you know, these these images and over sexualized images and things like that community and all that kind of stuff. Likewise, this person will also they will be likely to give into their desires when it comes to eating and things like that. And by the way,

00:59:43--> 00:59:51

if a person is able to control themselves when it comes to their eating, and they're able to calm their desires, this is actually a good selling. Right? This means that

00:59:53--> 00:59:59

the fact that you're able to do that leads inshallah down in that you will also be able to deal with your or diction, number nine

01:00:00--> 01:00:32

I openly address the problem attacking head on. This is something which I think needs to be like a community effort. We need to make it so that people who are dealing with like a porn addiction or people who are addicted to pornography and all that, that they feel comfortable to address this problem head on. Rather they feel comfortable talking about it doesn't have been enough doesn't have to be a shift. It just, it can even be like one of you. The fact that you attended this talk tonight, you probably know more about the issue of pornography than the average person out there. Right? And you have some sense to some solutions to the issue. Or even you can advise someone to be

01:00:32--> 01:00:56

like, you know, what pornography is dangerous, is that harms you, how's your brain harms relationships probably going to get in the heart, right? And here are some solutions for the fact that we need to make it green, we need to make it so that the Muslim community is a place where people are comfortable talking about this problem, these problems are comfortable talking about these issues. Number 10. port is not an option.

01:00:58--> 01:01:20

Well, this is one of the things that I often tell people, someone who's dealing with addiction. I tell you not to get into a mindset, where you tell yourself that I will never watch porn again. You need to be okay with that type of lifestyle. Right? So a lot of people quit porn. You're like, yeah, y'all quit, but in the back of their mind, on a subconscious level, they're like, Yeah, but eventually,

01:01:21--> 01:01:51

you need to make it so that pornography is not an option. Or we talked about cold turkey design studies have shown that cold turkey works. When it comes to pornography culture, he works. Lastly, initially, lastly, this should be number one, but seeking a must to add us help. constantly being in a state of relying upon Western thought making the optimist mentality. And one of the one of the best things that we can do is to is to fix for him improve our relationship with

01:01:52--> 01:02:21

the time that you're spending, improving your relationship with Allah, Allah to Allah is doing two things. Number one, using your time a better way, you have less time to do how things Number two, you're putting back into your life. And you have the blessing, the coolest path out of being there to help you and support you. In all these problems. It's not just pornography, any problem, obviously, right, but increasing your relation. And this, this is why one of the first pieces of advice that I give to people or dealing with NACA, whatever I say to them, how is your relationship with the last caller?

01:02:22--> 01:02:40

Is there a single moment in your day where you call out to your Lord? I know it's calling people so I pray they do everything. But that question right there. And it's how we tend to look at prayer. It's just like something you have to do a prayer, or saw the model, whatever you wanna call it, it's a chance for you to

01:02:42--> 01:03:00

speak to the last panel, it's a chance for you to ask almost it's a spiritual moment. Right? So I've had that question. But you know, what's that relationship by having a lesson? Is there at least a minute of your day is how about you know, today as I was leaving to come here for this talk?

01:03:02--> 01:03:16

Right before Mother's Day, I got a text message. someone saying it's the hour before motive make I use my asked me to one of the common words and odds were accepted is the hour, the last hour Friday or the hour before melody.

01:03:18--> 01:03:30

And somehow, I immediately stopped and I thought to myself as kind of notice commotion on the getting ready to get out the house, Virginia, so far away from traffic, want to get lots of gmu pasta, all that happened, but except for the fact.

01:03:32--> 01:03:34

But I was like, I had a lot like,

01:03:35--> 01:04:11

if I'm not trusting or what kind of data for me to get there. If I'm not asking a lot help, for you know, for all the things that I'm planning to do in my life. Like That makes no sense. Just for a moment, I just did it because almost everybody said it. But for that moment, I pause like everything, just my whole perspective on what I was doing that moment just change. And that's what doesn't carry that was part of that as it changes. And that's what the salon is supposed to do. Right? It's not supposed to be we just bring this real problem real quick. I five minutes. Let me just get it done. Right. I know, we tend to think of something like that 100 on this person doing at

01:04:11--> 01:04:25

least they're praying. I'm not saying that your prayer is not who will push you in you shouldn't pray Alicia for 100 love hold the prayer is supposed to be is for you to take a moment and put things into perspective. Right, connect with your Lord and improve your relationship with West friends. Lastly, I'll say

01:04:28--> 01:04:28

that

01:04:29--> 01:04:48

hamdulillah we're not sweeping this problem underneath the rug anymore. Right? I'm very, very glad. And I hope this is like one of many events and celent. And more and more people are talking about this and speak about this. And this is one of the many issues that is being Muslim society to some communities us as Muslims living in America.

01:04:51--> 01:04:52

Mr. Speaker, you speak about

01:04:54--> 01:05:00

domestic violence. Another issue, you know, all of these issues need to be addressed. They need to

01:05:00--> 01:05:36

We talked about head on. And I'm really grateful hamdulillah that the NSA put on event like this, and asked what kind of data to reward them. And to give them the strength to continue. And I asked was Python to give us all the strength to address these problems that we're having. They're great. Lastly, the book the last slide, sorry, go over. The last slide is some resources, some of the things that are helpful if you're interested in this topic, or any issues, needing help, and all that, number one, there's an awesome book called a fortified attorney by Pamela Paul, it's an awesome book, after reading that book, it will just change your view of how harmful pornography

01:05:36--> 01:05:37

really is.

01:05:38--> 01:05:47

This power this book is, is amazing, it's awesome. And I would say, if you're not going to read the whole thing, at least skim through it, just take a look at some of the studies that have been done.

01:05:48--> 01:06:02

And you know, some of the effects that she talked about, it's it's a wonderful book. Second, secondly, there's a website called purifier case.com. It's one of those websites where you can sign up and basically, they help you deal with like your porn addiction.

01:06:03--> 01:06:39

And I haven't seen the inner workings of it, a lot of people have had a lot of good things about it. They said that it's a community type of thing where there's, you know, people helping you deal with your problems, and I think it's anonymous. So the website, this website called your brain on porn.com, there's so much information on there. There's a lot of good, there's a lot of good reading on there. The other one fight the new drug work. It's actually it's essay movement and campaign to get like young people and actually like everyone really, to quit pornography, and actually change our perceptions. Like I said,

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many people, especially like, you know, in American culture, microsite, we don't look at porn as such a bad thing. Right. And as time goes on, it's gotten worse, obviously, you look at the way forward was before and the way forward is down as a separate issue. But pornography has gotten a lot worse. But this is it's a movement to change people's perception about novelty. Also, if you're into like tech talks and stuff, I think it's like a 10 minute video. It's called the breakpoint experiment by Gary Wilson. Wonderful. He talks about some of the studies that I talked about here as a scientist from a scientific point of view. So those are just some of the things and lost our data

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knows best.