Ramadhan Reflections Ep 14 Rights Of Our Children

It's mercy

Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salatu salam ala rasulillah mighty brothers and sisters and my viewers as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. My name is Rachel Versace, and I welcome you back into another episode of reflections of Ramadan. In the last episode, we talked about obedience of the parents, and its meaning and importance in Islam. And today inshallah hota. Allah, as we understand that our parents have rights upon us, but do our children have any rights? So what are those rights? If yes, what are those rights? We often talk about, you know, parenting and, and we talked about, you know, obedience to the parents, and, but a lot of times, we tend to ignore that other side of

the coin, which is our children, do they have any rights? So and that would be the topic of today's lecture in sha Allah hota holla. You know, my brother's,

one time there was a man who came to

La Jolla, and voila, and then he, he came complaining about his son, then he brought his son with him. And you know, he was complaining to me about the fact that his son does not listen to him, doesn't honor Him, doesn't respect him doesn't decent. So as a mother was listening, and then the boy turned to him and says, Okay, I mean, what meaning I know that my father has rights upon me? Do I have any rights upon him? And I said, Yes. And then the boy said, Okay, what are my rights as a son, he says, your rights from your dad is that number one, it has to, you know, choose a good mother for your mother to come, you know, to give you to raise you in a good Islamic environment

number two, to pick a good name for you. Number three, he has to teach you. And

the teacher is then teach you Dean teach your manners, morals. And then the boy said, Oh, I made more money. However, if I tell you that my father didn't do none of these, he did not do any, you know, none of these. And then almost turn to that man. He says, You have in fact, dishonored your kid before he dishonored you. So sometimes, you know, you find these kids who are orphans, they have parents, yet they are orphans. Parents are not there, to raise them, to educate them to discipline them. So who, who in fact, takes the turn of the parents, TV or internet?

constantly on the internet, they come home, they're busy with the internet, they're busy with watching TV or playing games and whatnot, they can hardly see the parents, you know, the father is busy. You know, he comes home, he thinks is the Minister of Finance. Some parents think they are the ministers of finance, that their only role is to take care of you know, the bills and pay the bills and the expenses, indicating or disciplining the kids, they think it's the role of the mother. So he comes home, he's been, you know, tired, he takes a bite to eat, and then goes, picks up the remote control and goes make this beer with the remote control, watching TV flipping channels.

Or some mothers who are constantly busy with, you know, being with the mirror, they love the mirror so much that sometimes some mothers, they sleep with the mirror and in bed, you know, looking at the mirror all the time, they find themselves and whatnot, who was for the or, you know, oftentimes outside also shopping here and there, but who's for the kids. And then when something happens, when the Muslim ban happens, they come crying to the Imam or the chef help help you share what happens. Our children, my son, my daughter, not listening to me. She brought this guy or she brought he brought this girl he's just he's he wants to marry her or she wants to marry this guy. We don't

approve of this. And then they come talk into you know, and then you say okay, what were you when your son when your daughter, you know, when your child wanted to talk to you What were you What were you know, when your son wanted some directions, some guidelines, what were you, you're busy, you know, so today inshallah Tada. I'm going to try to give you some some directives, or guidelines that will hopefully shallow to either improve the relationship between you and your children. Let me just share some parts we do hear about some complaints made by some youth by some kids. With regard to the parents. One of them you know, I went around asking the youth because I'm a consultant and

counseling

Talking to the youth. So I've got these complaints from them. One of them said that my parents do not understand me. They just don't understand me. I'm talking in language, they talk in something totally different. Some of them say that they don't have time for me. My parents just don't have time for me.

I will say, I need a role model at home and I cannot find one. How many of you like you know if I were to ask your children Who's your role model? If I see your child who's your role model most children would say maybe this soccer player basketball player baseball player, maybe this singer but very of feeling very you know, few of them would say My role model is my dad. My role model is my mom or your model for your children

I know it hurts

some of them say I learned professional line at home

my father lying all the time in mother lines so that's what I learned you know, professional line. Why don't professional well not have my parents do? My father does not professional my mother. Why should I?

Why should I put my mother doesn't care my father doesn't even my mother doesn't put a job Why should I put a job?

You know, you have some times you see these parents, taking their kids to these Islamic schools, where they learn about morals and manners and learn about Salah learn about praying on time during the week enough for Fazal, they will learn about

the old mother sometime who drives the kid she does not want a job and then the daughter learns about him. She comes home she's confused. I don't know they tell me but nobody pulls no punches. I'm in my house. I learned about you know sada at school. They are they told me about you know, Sadat he told me about and he told me about you know, to pray on time he told me about praying in the masjid. But first of all go into version of the message. It might, nobody does. My home. My father may not sleep the whole night. I mean, doesn't wake up or Virgil might know my mother. So you know, I'm confused. We have confused our own children.

With all due respect.

Some of them say, why I'm not married. What because my father or my mother says, either your cousin or your cousin, choose one. Or your cousin, Fatima, cousin Fatima, you know, I'm giving you two options, choose one.

It's either him or him, I need the same guy or the same girl.

I know. Or my parents have no clue. A lot of them said, my parents have no clue to the challenges facing me. They don't know what's going on what I'm going through at school, or work outside the fridge now the temptations out there. They have no clue of the challenges that are facing me.

And so on and so forth. So I'd like to ask you some questions maybe

just to before I give you these directions. And just to think here let's think together and see where we stand here. And then we can look at the life of the Prophet Muhammad Ali saw to ceram as how he was raised to set up with his kids with Fatima

treating hassanal her say, Do you praise your children?

Really do praise them when they tried to do even when they fail? Mashallah you try? It doesn't matter if you've tried. It's okay. But you haven't praised them?

Do you have fun with your children?

use humor you laugh with them?

Do you?

How do you talk to them?

You talk to you talk at

you listen to them.

One sister came to me one time she called me says that. Well, my daughter she has all these kind of questions. She's a teenager I'm kind of embarrassed to ask her questions to answer your questions and I said I you know

Shame on you sister open up. Because you know what? She will get those answers you know, either from your from somebody else most likely now because you said no. She wouldn't get those answers maybe from the street maybe from school, and most likely there will be the wrong answers.

You can open up with our own children.

Do give love

you say to your children that you loved them.

The Prophet Mohammed you know there was this man.

Also the Prophet Mohammed Kishan Has anyone who's seen an accurate inhabits he saw this. The Prophet Mohammed kissing it has anyone who's seen praying with them and then a crisis. Oh, do people kiss your kids?

You people kiss your kids. I have 10 kids have never hugged or kissed any of them. And you know what the Prophet told him says, it looks like Allah has not run off of your heart. mela, your Hamlet. whosoever does not show mercy upon people Allah will not show mercy upon him.

What kind of man? Are you? Even if children don't hug me don't see, you know what they say the experts when they talk about emotional intelligence, something that your child needs more than food and water, and anything else money is really those emotions, those hugs.

Those beautiful words like I love you. Really?

You know, more than anything else, we think that you know, I am giving them they know that I love them. Really? I mean, look what I'm doing for them. I'm buying things for them. They know I love them. Yeah, it may not normally open, they may know. But you've got to tell them Oh, my sister, my brother, my dear viewers, open up. Give him a hug. It's all right. There are your children and tell them that you love them that you care about them. They want to hear that from you.

They need that more than you know really anything else. And it's a study showing that.

Are you leader by example? Do you lead by example.

I told you not to smoke that you smoke. And you told me not to smoke.

You drink you tell me not to drink.

And we've confusing own children. You know, imagine the guy coming to his wife and writing a letter today, my wife, I am resigning from my job, as you know, not a father, but as my job. Discipline my kids, my own responsibility lies in paying the expenses. But you are responsible about you know, dealing with my kids and raising them and disciplining them. I'm resigning, and then he signs and he gives his wife. What do you think of this Dad?

He's lost his mind.

Or mother. On the other hand, you know, she's, you know, she writes a letter to her husband saying the same thing saying, Oh, this is my husband. I just want to let you know that as of today, I'm resigning from disciplining my kids. My only responsibilities just thinking to myself, man, and you know, maybe a view whenever I have time. What would you think of this mother?

Like a school? Who shut down a mother she's a school alone. madrasa. How about if that school shuts down?

Imagine, you know, and unfortunately, a lot of our families.

We have these mothers and fathers who are like I said in the beginning, you know, our children, orphans, you know, but they do have their parents but, you know, they feel like they're orphans. They're not there. The parents are not there for them. Yes, we are asking for our rights. But before asking for our rights, we also have to fulfill our obligations.

obligations towards them.

Yes, we are asking for our rights. But before asking for our rights, we also have to fulfill our obligations,

obligations towards them, being with them, listening to them, talking to them nicely, a guy came to me, you know, right after lecture, you know, he came to me in the masjid, complaining about his son. And then the son all of a sudden says, okay, when these dead finishes his dad, every time I tried to talk to you, you tell me that I don't understand. And you understand that? I don't know. And you know, you're always cornering me. You don't make me you know, express my views or opinions. That's why I try to avoid you. Because every time we try to have an intelligent discussion, or conversation with you, it doesn't go anywhere. Because you did that. And I'm always done, I understand. But you

don't give me an option to talk or converse with you.

And then we'll just like he put his, you know, head between his knees. Imagine.

So we need to go back and you know, and try to just answer these questions. Before I can share with you some of the directives on techniques and ways to improve your relationship with your children. You know, this thing can shout Allahu taala about you know, these questions here on my leader by example, am I my child's best friend? If I were to ask your child who's your best friend? would he say my my dad or my mom? She's my best friend. I don't know. You ask yourself. I don't know. Sometimes we confuse them. Really? today this is Hello, Tamara. Tara.

I'm confused that you told me not to do something yesterday was okay. Now he told me No. Oh, yeah. Oh, today's Yes, tomorrow. I mean, we I mean so many ways. So, you know, again,

the question about do you give praise Do you talk to them or add them

Do you listen to them? Do you spend time with your children?

I'm talking about quality time. I know you're busy.

But you know these are your children again. Do you spend time with them? Do you well I talked about leading by example look at the Prophet Muhammad Ali's have to say that

best you know eating together and it was eating from everyone and he says that the Prophet Yabu a similar similar welcome in my alley, you know, and then Oh son, say Bismillah and then eat from your side don't just have your hands going right left and center. He's trying to be and lead by example and also pick the right time for giving them a you know, advice. Do you reprimand them all the time they look excess reprimand and rebuke. Every time they do something like you know your son again, here's an example a son drops a glass he breaks it and then you come in asking who broke it and he says me and then you just slap him

Okay, the next time he breaks another glass of that he come you come and ask him who broke that glass? Do you think he's gonna say me is gonna lie and who taught him how to lie. I did you did as a dad or as a mom.

The Prophet Muhammad Allah substernal cow, the Sahaba they used to pay so you know this meticulous attention on the ways of the Prophet Mohammed it just said that you know as needed by example.

The Sahaba became again investing he was a little boy at the time and he says he came to pray with the Prophet Mohammed Aslam, you know, tonight, and then he, the prophet stood up in a walk up to pray the night prayer. And then he came, and he stood on the left of the Prophet Mohammed SSM says, The Prophet moved him to his right. He moves into his right, he says, He says, fatawa the Prophet Mohammed he stood up to pray pmla Fatah what that will do. And then number one, they said the Prophet has made very light will do, look at how meticulous they you know, attention, they pay here, the prophet, he made a very light, we'll do photo and have even and then he went to pray. So I went

to his left side, and then he moved me to his right. And then we prayed.

And they prayed behind him.

And he saw what was said, and he would sit with the Sahaba and then comes up, he would stand up from his side, he would stand up from his seat, he will from and then he would go, he would hug Fatima Give him a hug and kiss her on her forehead. And he would made her stay and sit with him and he saw to see them. That's who that's the law. So law, a leader by example, it is sad to say that. So let us invest as people want to invest in businesses and properties. But you know, the investment that I'm proposing to you here today is let's invest in our children. How can we invest in our children? So let me share with you in shallow to address some tips for the parents on how to spend or how to

maybe improve their relationship with their children. Number one, take parenting seriously. Amanda will lie it is Amanda is a trust from Allah subhana wa Tada, your son may come in the day of judgment and hold you from your neck. And he still Allah it is my dad, my mom, they did not teach me they did not tell me. We come sometimes in Ramadan, and then we bring our kids in, excuse my language with dumped them. And then we go out you know, we didn't we've prayed a lot we and we leave our kids praying outside breaking windows, or even we go some people will lie some people they bring their children and they go out shopping.

What kind of confusion is this? What kind of contradiction is this? Take parenting seriously. Number two, that use working hours in exchange with time with your children. This is you may disagree with me again. But that's up to you. Really, it's up to you if you want to do this or not. But these are your children. I'm saying yes. Reduce. We know we have priorities. We know we have obligations, but these are our children. If we are so much busy with life and we forget it our children, by all means my brothers and sisters. If you live outside of your bread country, maybe you should pack up your bag and go back to your country if you migrated you know just for money and for what not with all

due respect, but you are you know, in fact neglecting your kids or law you know, my advice is Pack your bags and maybe go back to where you came from. I'm sorry to say that but your kids who's you know, in fact, disciplining them like I said and I know this as a counselor I know and I deal with things like these know people complaining, my kids, my kids, my kids but then I ask the parents Where were you

and then you talk to the kids and they don't know what's going on mom my father never told me anything. Internet is everywhere. TVs everywhere you go to some houses TV in this room and that room even in the washroom now they have a plasma TV man the

numbers

be a role model you are the role model for your children unless they will ask you they have judgment number four, respect your children if you want them really to respect you respect your kids, your daughters your son, you know Show some respect to them respect your teens

and also another another may be in Sharla who tada an advice or tips to improve that relationship you know date your children what does it mean beat your children meaning any one day I'm going to take my son out just me and my son we just gonna go out Monday me and my son that stock Minh my daughter another day I'm gonna let you know today is you and my daughter and me and my daughter we're going out

coffee, we're walking and whatnot and then just me and my daughter having a great time together. Talking

bonding listen to your children.

There's a difference between again you know, listening to listening, but again, you know, listening is such an effective tool that will help you you know communicating not only with your children, but with people at large

to build this effective listening tool here.

Try to learn how to listen to your children look at them when they're talking show interest in what they do

listen to their problems to their concerns. If you want to build that trust How can they you know trust you with their with their secrets with the problems if if if you know if you don't listen to them if you don't give them a chance to express their feelings well every time they want to express their feelings we say oh come on that's silly.

We're talking about emotional intelligence right then you shut them off you think they're gonna come back to you and talk to you

thank you again

build images in your home and measure the home meaning like celebrating your home with by displaces instead of masala we in a fleet not printing the mystery then we pray here together you know and have some sort of Hanukkah in your home halaqa to invite the interest to your homes

now I call it circle time. circle time really with your children you turn off your cell phones don't DeVito everything and then just you and your children and do some sort of Hanukkah today your child who maybe your son would prefer some ID next day is yours you and your wife and then maybe five seven minutes you know just had it already together and then listen to them talking okay son, what is it you know, how is your date school? Whether you're planning you know that we're talking about maybe plans for the summer maybe plus for the weekends you talk just some bonding with your children circle time

mm hmm we're so busy actually that sometimes even food you know we eat like the father is driving the mother it's in the kitchen and the guy in the sun it's in his room and I'll walk in what are we and then we complain

maybe also established a Muslim library in your home. So that you know like I said sometimes you can you know, pick some good night nice books and have some sort of you know halaqa we have an old Hadith or have a nice little you know, Islamic library in your home and then encourage your children to read these books in sha Allah who tada

another tip on how to improve that relationship established a TV free evening in your home I know this might be so hard you're listening to me right now but a TV free evening today there's no TV what we're gonna do instead is we're gonna do you know maybe halaal fun night because our some of our children they think there's not there's no fun in Islam. There is no is everything Haram in Islam

you know there's something called halal fun in Islam Yes, hadn't fun we're going to have maybe we'll skip a little play a little game a little contest and whatnot just me and my children or maybe on the weekends. Attend a weekly halaqa maybe take them out to the massage you know and have some some fun with your with your children make to have for your children online. Make the app for your children as the Prophet Mohammed It is sad to see them says really one of the heart that Allah subhanho will answer is that the app for the father or the mother to her or his children, make to have for them asking Allah Subhana Allah to guide them and to preserve them and to inshallah hope

hota that grant them you know, success in this life and success in the hereafter. Never curse your children despite or regardless of what they do. But instead make dua for your children. ask Allah subhana wa tada to insha Allah hota hai Allah grant them the highest of inshallah inshallah to Allah success in this life and the life of the hereafter insha Allah to Allah. I mean, I mean, I mean, may Allah grant us such you know, very pious children may Allah subhanaw taala may make your children like

The habit the future leaders may or may not need your children like you know the children of the Sahaba, Abu Bakar Smith and Ellie these are the the future make them future carriers of the flag of La ilaha illa Allah May Allah subhana wa tagami crew home like the home of the Sahaba and the home of the Prophet Mohammed Allah says to them, I mean, I mean I mean as I can love his brothers and sisters and my viewers, may Allah bless you all Baraka Luffy was salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.