Channel: Edris Khamissa
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Salam alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakato Helen OSA and Omar haben Welcome to our mushrif on radio Islam international it's 12 minutes after 11 and it's Thursday morning in some hobbies. In our program this morning we'll be joined by our guests Bradley's camisa and we'll be looking at Firstly,
just following up on one of the topics that we started off last week, where we spoke about women's forums and community projects. We spoke about how to make them successful. Also, we spoke about how to maintain consistency and do sustainable efforts and projects and continue and inshallah we'll be just touching on that a little bit reviewing that. Also we'll be looking at another interesting topic and that is about your your school or madrasa going child you have
a child that Alhamdulillah going to school or madrasa and inshallah we'll be taking a look at how to support the child how to
assist the child we have the new syllabus that has come into place, the cap syllabus, and parents all over complaining about the volume of work that the kids have to do in homework and all the rest. So how to support your child also the challenges that they face, in school perhaps with a teacher perhaps with a church, a child, a bully or something else, all of those type of challenges that your your child would face in how you is apparently going to have divided the system and how you're going to make their school experience something memorable, and and practical, something that is going to really benefit them and it's just been 14 minutes after 11 and inshallah we'll be back with you just
after this brief. Break. Stay tuned.
70 minutes after 11 Welcome back to Al metric on radio Islam international and a very warm welcome to guest for the Idris camisa. salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato wailuku salaam wa rahmatullah wa barakato. How are you my beloved mowlana very very well
how are you? I'm very well man. I'm here in Johannesburg, you know the goal what the goal is city and you know as well with all happening with all happening
in Johannesburg they want your work to be done yesterday in Durban they say we want your work to be done today. And in Cape Town they say whenever you want
Yeah, that's exactly how it is in Cape Town. It's laid back in Zilla Yeah, they laid back in the electric
very very, very hungry electrical
we're looking forward to your program tomorrow in serene and on Saturday in insensitive inshallah. inshallah Milena, hope you're coming? Yes, yes, yes, definitely. I got a call from from my, from my accounting teacher from high school, the sheep caddy. Okay.
He is he's hosting us for supper as well and Saturday night inshallah. So we'll have to be there. Now, the last one, I'm looking forward to it, you know, really so good to connect with you inshallah. inshallah has? Yes. Yes. And it is by just a brief, brief description of what you're going to be speaking about in standard for those people who may or may get interested today, inshallah not of course, you know, I just hope it's the first time I'm going to do a presentation is Tennyson, although I've been there many, many years ago, you know, on my way, it's a presentation shala it's all about, you know, dealing with challenges of parenting, it's also helping people in
order to have homes, that harmonious. And with this tranquility in their homes, and it's about the things that today, can they can bring about joy, and understanding, a reciprocal understanding, you know, and this is what it's all about. And then on that Saturday, inshallah, we will do a program on Sunday, also for teachers, you know, on set, and so Sunday is going to be a three hour program, and they need to contact Zenith, right.
And I'm looking forward to everyone because there are people some years ago, who contacted me, and they said to me, you know, we'd like you to come to send it in, and it never happened. But now Alhamdulillah you know, Allah bless her, and she showed the initiative, and we all looking forward to it, you know? Yes, inshallah, I think there's lots of excitement, as well, he does study sekedar Yeah. So basically, if you look at the program, it's on Saturday, first of March, sent in town hall, from quarter to three to six o'clock. And it's
the three main topics, creating harmony in the home, overcoming challenges of parenting, and unleashing your child's potential and more. And this is a point I think many parents today, you know, have are grappling with how best they can inspire the children to pursue excellence to take the work seriously. And you know, also in terms of the conduct, so inshallah we, you know, I will just share with your permission, and tequilas number, it's always 295 to 8786. Always 29528786. And the they say all parents, grandparents, future parents, it could be yourself now listen, learn laugh.
It share some jokes. Didn't wanna get you spike yet. Please. I'm looking forward to I like it. I'm looking forward. Yes, I think I think it's going to be a great programming Shannon as you may remember the program that he conducted in Amarillo as well, was truly beneficial for for the parents for
ladies as well. And in the program for teachers also, was was greatly beneficial. Alhamdulillah now you really came on unAmerican. It is when speaking on this issue of teaching and education. One of the topics that we return
have time to complete last week was about the school and mentors are growing child. Now, parents are today more involved in education of the children, and in assisting the children than what parents were involved in the past. And parents from the lecturing that initiative to support the children to assist them. And sometimes parents end up doing all of the homework for the child all of the projects. Sometimes, parents show no interest at all. Now, the topic that I would like to focus on is about supporting your school or recycling child, what sort of challenges you face? What sort of ideas can you share with us, as parents that would assist other parents as well? And how do you deal
with the different challenges that you face? Shama?
It's a lovely question. But this is really a challenge. So you in your right, you have two extremes, you get those parents who do all the homework sometimes for the kids, and then they get more, they anticipate the math more than the children. And if they did not get the 80 or 90%, then my gosh, they're very upset. And the other extreme, where little or no help is given, is one of the things that we must also understand
that when children become completely dependent on the parents to do the homework, then often this show little or no interest in the school, because they know, Mom and Dad are going to do my homework for me. And they got to be very guarded about that. Because the critical thing is parents in the material sense is very important. That they have to this has to be a dynamic partnership, because the parents are the primary educators. And yes, it is true in our days, our parents were not actively involved of education, but they were others we grew up like they say it takes a whole village to bring up a child, people who reminded us of our responsibility. And I think what's
important is that parents should create the environment at home, and the environment in which it is
structured, where they are able
to do the homework, and the environment in which parents are overseeing that the kids are doing the homework. So we have discipline and a whole range of things is necessary for the gym to unleash the potential. And what is important also, that parents must not judge the kids purely purely by the academic performance. And we know the sunlight is there. And we know that also will be judged by the effort and not the outcome, that no two children are the same. Some children may be inclined towards schoolwork, they got the IQ, and so on and so forth. Other kids that work much
harder for them to even have to pass the examination. And we need to understand that but we must not also go to the other extreme, and to assume that they know when kids
show display excellence in the schoolwork. And that is enough for them to survive in a changing world. That is enough for them to survive and thrive in a world that is so complex. Because one of the things that I often say in my workshops, that academic success on its own is not a precursor or a predictor of real success. So I think they'll you know, they also need to play the part in terms of ensuring that the class of the kids are good, if they also helping the children to think creatively and do what they need to do is to work with the school and the school and the madressa or the home and the madressa they together
need to ensure that the environment is school is conducive to learning and the home is similar. And the the thing that often happens, sometimes they are in conflict with the safety in the home is not playing the responsibility. And sometimes the parents sometimes consciously or unwittingly undermine the school
we'd like to take this opportunity to welcome the listeners to the program as well My name is Juanita soft, my guest is a this some Isa, who just to introduce brother Idris to our listeners once again, people have been listening to him Alhamdulillah for for few years of very on ladies time and for many many years and the different programs that is used by has been conducting
was tickets to motivation, encouragement, parenting and each counseling, all the different aspects also corporate, team building and all those different types of programs not only in South Africa, but around the world. And
This is where his his years of experience behind his name in the field of education, field of
counseling, assisting parental counseling, marriage counseling, and all the rest. And this is an opportunity for us. But it is by underlying with us that we can we can draw from his years of wisdom ask questions, and it just presents an opportunity for us as Lady Islam
and listeners of radio stem to be able to take benefit from this personality when we have on the air with us. So you must welcome you can SMS any question that you may have. For us we can SMS it to my number that 0731738461 also SMS Idris komiza directly on 0828251 double nine one that's 0828251 double nine you can send a message to increase by as well you can tweet me at zoom Jes Zed u n j s, you can also email zunaid [email protected] is whenever an SMS that is come through a Solomonic we have a 15 year old son who's doing his and his much of homework. So we help him out please advise how do we as parents find the balance to Zakouma
you know, the you know, Allah bless
all our children, and especially those children ready who want to pursue his program, and it is increasingly be a very demanding for them to pursue both the same kind of vigor. My rule of thumb has always been the 12. The they may do it together, but I feel strongly that they must take off one here and completely focus on the hips program. And I found that, you know, when they have completed the program in that way, and when they do come back to school, and within a short while, they are able to outstrip the other learners because you know, the gift of the Quran is such a beautiful, beautiful gift, you know, they can be the though you can offer the value to it. And I feel so and I
think what needs to be done is this is to work with the school, and to see how the individual manages his time. But for the, for the child that is in his program, the very, very critical time is the weekend, where he or she have an opportunity to consolidate the schoolwork and to do the door. And it is very, very demanding. And hamdulillah there are many of our kids, as it were, have been able to do both the secular and the his program with confidence. And I think also, depending on the school you go to, they should also give them some kind of liberty that they don't have to work there. They participate in those activities that are critical to the to the growth and I think it's
a it's a personal thing. It depends largely on the dependents. It depends
on on the school and and the students themselves in
29 minutes to 12 you're listening to our mashreq on radio Islam. In domestic we're gonna take a break, and we'll come back with this discussion after that. Stay tuned. used to support Islamic Relief in helping the most needy and the orphans in South Africa and overseas. Donate to soccer, soccer
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Welcome back to our master comrade Islam International. And welcome back to our guest for the Idris camisa
de la I'm
received a message salaam aleikum Alana is so true. As parents, we have to provide a scaffolding role for children in partnership with teachers, the goals and aims of teachers and parents is to prepare children for life. And the best way for us to do that and achieve this is to model behavior that we want to teach them, they have to develop good moral behavior that we ourselves should practice in order to let our children follow. Now, I'm Eli, it's so true to say, you know, this whole point because they say, the aim of schooling is to reinforce the values of the home. But today, these as always see an inversion of the values. Today, it is a whole mess to reinforce the
values of the school, we have forgotten this primary educators, that we have forgotten to model the behavior that you want our children to aspire towards. we as parents, sadly,
some of us are not the role models for our children. So there is a kind of hypocrisy, when you demand from your kids excellence in their behavior. When you yourself, you know, show little or no little or nothing, then it can be a big problem with message.
It is by some of the challenges that kids face in school and as parents how to how to handle bullying, particularly
as bullying is steady. It's very rare.
It's a huge problem, you know, in the community. And, and we are shocked, you know, you cannot believe it, you know, it's a people must understand that whether you're the perpetrator of bullying, or you're the victim, it's a huge a score is caused us psychologically, and, you know, one of the things that we need to speak about is that this bullying sometimes takes place through the internet. And people have been there, you ameliorated, and you find that
when kids are bullied, you know, especially if they left, you know, assertion, or they have a low self esteem, you know, it will affect them for the rest of their life. And you find that, you know, if they were a bit talkative, and they shared what they've been through, they may stop doing that. So as parents, I think it's very, very important that they need to interact with the children, they need to
monitor them, and see whether there is any kind of change of behavior, we need to get to know the friends. But the real question is, what should you do, when you know when the kids you know,
are bullied, or when they bullying other people. Now, and this is important, I mean, the parent can only get to know that if they interact with them. And I think there are several steps to be taken. If your son or your daughter does complain to you about that. It's you, you've got to take the bathtub to the higher authorities at school, you got to make sure that you teach your child coping skills. And we're not saying that you all retaliate, you know, in the same way in which the bully has done and we need to talk about all of these things, because the bullying was not common before. It was a very rare occurrence, a rare occurrence in our days. And today,
it is becoming common, and what worries me so much that the kind of insensitivity people show, and the bullying can be in any form. We could be physical. It could be psychological, it could be emotional. Bullying can be even when a group of kids decide that they will not allow yourself
Son, or your daughter to be part of the group, there's also kind of bullying. And when these intimidation, in fact, you find that
children that are bright and want to do well in school, and when they do participate and give their homework on time, it really affects those people who are lethargic and lazy. And they are threat. And then you find that sometimes the young bright boy, young, bright girl, would show indifference to school, so that they feel a part of the group. That is a
really, really what it is, if you know if that's what is happening. And in a way we seeing this in the news that is happening. In fact, just this week, in the news, there was a story where
an eight year old girl was beaten up, and she passed away in the hospital.
Yes, you know, my mom and I, it is so thorough, right? It is no it is, it is like brutal behavior. You cannot believe it, you know, from home as they learn that and the whole thing. And people realize that there are many factors that have contributed to this kind of situation. The one is the overexposure to violence on television, the exposure to violence on the video games, this is what they see as throw themselves. It is like macho to do that. And you find that, you know,
the kids today are not even self aware. And some of them don't fully understand the nature of what they're doing. For them, it's a joke. And you find that because many kids that are bullied often would either retaliate in a very draconian way. Or they might even, you know, Allah forbid, kill themselves. So I think it's important in Islam, we know this, it's about sensitivity. It's about respecting the other, it's about consideration. And, and I would attribute all of this, the to the home, the home must play a very active role to ensure that their son or daughter is not guilty of a die, they're victims. Similarly, the scores can also do things differently, they need to be more
vigilant in the ground, the break time, more people need to be on duty, they need to have programs about it, to look at the harmful effects of bullying.
I just made the other issue that parents need to help the children in is when you have the easier there will be challenges with with teachers, this is also something that sometimes could cause problems and sometimes could, you know, be more productive
for the children, if the children are facing maybe learning difficulty, a maybe a slight slight decline in the results. And the like, they'll often How does a parent go about addressing this with the teacher
in Montana, the this is I met a parent the other day, who had a with a child Stop, stop going to school for a few days, because the title was intimidated by a teacher. And I said to them, why don't you report it? And they said, No, we scared of victimization, there could be some kind of retaliation. And to me when if a teacher is summoned by the office summoned by the principal, because of some behavior, it might be an aberration, or it could be a repeated behavior. And you find that, you know, many of these teachers sadly, reflect a lot of immaturity, and they will go back and they'll tell the mom, yeah, you know, you you've got a big mouth, you know, why do you tell
your mom and dad this, you know, and you know, and one of the ironies is, when any parent, you know, lodges a complaint to says, shares their perspective about the situation, you know, they should know, the day son, or daughter, right, would be a B, the teacher would know, the son or daughter would be asked by the father the day, what happened today, and how nice it would have been when the mother says, Now the teacher came to be apologize and the smile would be and then you see that that is a very, very critical, but these things must not be ignored. But the same token the in terms of the school
Dynamic educators are not those that help a kid that is good to be better, but rather help the kid that lacks motivation to be motivated. A kid who is not doing too well to do better. And the only comes through individual attention. It comes from sincerity. It comes from compassion. And this is something that we need to do. The Crucible is not about the number of A's you get a deal crucible is those jewels at the borderline, through your encouragement through your dynamism the past.
We have a question that has come in by message a Solomonic My daughter is in grade 10. She is a slow pupil doing maths literacy. Because she's doing fusions The girls are laughing at her. Now she does not want to go for tuition. So as it goes between pure maths please guide us
to mana. Some parents may be surprised by the question. But this is the painful reality in which we are living.
That people scoff at each other for things that are completely out of their control. This group of girls who do that they've been better in a subject is that because they're dedicated, they're hardworking. It's something that comes from Allah. Allah has made us in different shapes, sizes, and abilities. Now, if these young people are growing up, or they're kind of arrogant attitude, how is that going to help? And I think, you know, parents, maybe also be blind, sometimes to some of the negativity that the kids display. So parents that are listening to the program, please engage your children, find out about it or get to know them. If your son or daughter often, some kids are very
angels at home. But with the amongst the peers, they are very robust the behavior, they can be very, very negative. But if your son or daughter displays that kind of aggression, then please remind them
to display that at school.
It sounds as you do you have a flu or something? Yeah, but a bit of a
shift. I mean, I mean,
it might sound much more mature.
Yes, it is very, we have a caller on the line. Let's take the caller said Mr. Egan, Polycom Salaam, welcome Sr.
40 nanometer ski from Puma Nigel had some advice about how to treat my son because he went to Marisa
Makita, he did quite a bit. So I just want to know, because he's acting out violently at home. So how should I go about consoling my child?
I think for me, I'm making it very, very clear that physical punishment beated by a bitter out by anyone is just unacceptable is unintelligible I'm not saying that your child should not be disciplined. The difference between discipline and punitive punishment. I believe kids must be accountable, there has to be consequences for negative behavior. And I see that you need to address it was the teacher of the boss to whoever and were the principal or the address on one hand. On the second hand, you need to look at whether you know your son needs to develop a much more positive attitude towards boundaries. And we look at the effects of it. Now you mustn't go to the extreme of
mollycoddling your child always sheltering him. And you got to also for example, while you can concern him, that he must, he must also know that he cannot keep on running to the home whenever there is an issue. But he the aggression of the mafia is very, very aggressive. And they've been several marks on his body, and all of that and I think the methods should be taken seriously, without disrespect to the arlynn to find out also do not look for retribution, but look at rather to see how we can help our child to be more responsible, and the sponsor God because I tried a lot of things that we did approach the Mufti but then I eventually I had to take him out because he was
very traumatized. So what
was your advice?
I will see what
Never near the teenage years also then the young, strong people, and you know, they're resilient. And you know, inshallah you would outgrow the pain and the experience in
Madrid sadhana waterbodies. Education, I took him to another magician, because I'm realizing much better
this time, but also understand
this as an example,
you cannot keep on that effect tomorrow, it gives you an issue about this madressa. And you cannot take them out for one, but this after the other end, we've got to confront the reality TV where we tried a lot of things yesterday to
make dua for my child to grow up all the time. I mean, there's
no seven for that question. And it just received another SMS.
Also, with regards to HIV students, salaam, alaikum, I have a son receives inshallah he will complete this year, I want him to go back to school, but he wants to continue doing an M, please advise, you know, the,
this is a difficult one, right? There are those who have the opinion that the children should also have the metric education. And there are those who say we should not. And I, for me, that the desire to continue as an artist in this desire, we should not kill it all the spirit, right. But I think it's also for me, important for the kid to get his metric. And that can also be done, you know, part time, whatever, two or three subjects
a year, right? And because it mustn't be that when suddenly you say, No, you only do it after metric and the child was will become an alum suddenly loses complete interest. And I think you'll find that, you know, there are some individuals, you know, who also forge a career or the gold in the direction of ensuring that they also get the other qualifications. A deeper person, a person is different. You should get to know your son's abilities, what are his aspirations? And accordingly, you know, you know, guide him and without killing his spirit.
Okay. All right. We got another caller on the line. Let's take this caller Salaam Alaikum.
As an eight year old son, previously, I had a very bad experience in grade one. And because of that he really put off school.
He finds it difficult to do his homework, concentrating classes, things like that. How do I motivate him assimilate information to understand the importance of going to school and getting work done on time?
Study, I can still engage your level. And you said that you give to it for mastery is what happens
to grade one was a big jump. And
the teacher never exercised patience with him and stuff like that. So she was screaming at him and humiliated me in front of the class.
And the students really took him to a psychologist, educational psychologist.
And now he's just put off he doesn't want to do anything in school.
tell me when he complains
about his unhappiness at school. What did he have?
To teach me eventually even to death? He was like,
charts and scribbled on the walls and stuff like that.
And then she couldn't handle him anymore. That's when she asked.
He suggested that we see an educational psychologist called him now prestonfield. Is that when you heard that you're setting up this chart and whatever you find is surprising or does your son manifest that behavior yet? Almost. No, it was surprising. And he had a good tip school. He enjoyed school.
So we couldn't understand him. I think she may have left it a bit too long. So when we got here, nice to see you live for too long. Maybe because what you need to do is I think you need to encourage him you need to get other people that can understand children's to encourage him because that will what they're most concerned about.
We must not bend the plate your physique
is a very good at that. Also a really good Tommy does the read books and all this. He has to be. In fact, he does better with Islamic
I know he says the Quran does he read books for pleasure? And
he does. And now he spoke about
was the happy brain to the psychologist. He was happy initially, we thought it was like the tuition lesson. And it was called work in progress. But then when they got to know each other
official, what is he doing at the moment?
No, no, no, don't worry about it. We both regional outgrow the things that you need to motivate him and make sure that the subsequent teachers understand and connect with in
It's been some interesting calls, in instance, interesting take as well, on the issue of problems that parents are having with the children at school and the different challenges that they face. With the teachers at school as well. It is where you may have found as well, many times from a teacher's perspective, parents who would be concerned about the children concerned about the welfare of their children sometimes perhaps also, over overly concerned, and to the extent that innovators find them to be
you know, what could we say? Too much involved in worrying about the welfare of the children? Yeah, you see, children, my children, right? Now a father and mother can ask the kid question in several ways. I'm sure you had a good day today. So the son has no option to say yes, I had a good day. But if you say, you know, tell me, mom is the key you got you know, she hasn't looked like a very friendly person. Your Daddy Knows she likes to shout at us. You see what happened, you're playing into the hands. Now, the thing is this, the word support is completely different from interference about oh control and what not right? And they're gonna chill, not gonna make some mistakes. So we
need to promote lifelong learning, we need to promote a love for reading because I found that the most voracious readers are the most avid readers, the kids. And these kids often come up first, second, and third in class. And I think this is a very, very important, important thing. And they need to understand that. And the the point must be that the son and daughter school must know that I cannot complain about every little thing to my parents. But what I can do is at least I know if I got a crisis or a serious situation, my mom and dad will be there to support me. I mean, we have gone to the other extremes. You know, I saw a cartoon the other day, when in the earlier days, where
the father and mother said the son of mine is yours. I mean, the flesh is yours in the bones of mine, right? And now you're the captain said the opposite. You get dead, that's my kid, you're in big trouble, a complete inversion. So I think also the other for me a bottom line is, as parents, we must put value on education. We've got to no matter how wealthy you are, no matter what your circumstances are, we've got to promote that otherwise, you're gonna have a problem. The attitudes of our kids also reflect our own attitude.
That is very important to to reflect on as well as if I
message. What do you do when educators take kids lunch, so I don't know.
Maybe the child is getting
very tasty lunch from home and maybe the teacher is hungry. I'll give a suggestion he
makes make lunch for the teacher as well. To make lunch with
my, my family. My family said no, to like our lunch eat up biggest access light for you in
the army. This is also the situation that one has to be very, very good. I know in some instances, teachers demand gifts from the students you know, and
the primary school and it almost becomes like a custom, you know, and you want to outdo each other in the end. And the role of a teacher is to have a prophetic role. And it's an Amana and Shall I pray that our educators
You know, work with the parents to unleash the potential of our children's
children for your time this morning. Mama and Mama I'm gonna have a little nap nomic you know
things are looking forward to seeing him Alana and please I'm showing you always to look up the
Idris camisa speaking classes in Java this morning could have been standard them tomorrow afternoon inshallah, Razzies chicken for you for listening to Alma Shrek financing.