Channel: Reda Bedeir
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Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh. And good brothers and sisters, welcome to our new
series that we started in Ramadan called the young Muslim show. And today we have a special guest.
And what we're going to do at the very beginning, would you like to know the topic? I'm not going to tell you now, before we know who is going to be our guest speaker inshallah. So we have brother Nigel Islam, and I'm going to ask him, kindly introduce himself in a few minutes, inshallah, welcome to the show. Salam Alaikum. Everyone. I'm Nigel Islam. Most of the people knows me as night. So I mean, first year university, I just finished my first year in university. And my plan is to become a dentist about Southern cellos work hard to get that, like, become dentist, and like, my favorite hobbies. And basically, I like to play sports a lot. And so what is your were you originally from?
I'm from Bangladesh. Now although you
almost 19 Lachman? Oh,
excellent. So currently don't have a wife until after the show. Okay, so what's the topic of today? The topic of today is a man is known by the company, he or she keeps basically friendship. What's friendship?
You know, for me as a Muslim? What are the characteristics, the qualities that I should have to be a good friend? Also, for me as a Muslim? How do I choose my friends? What are the qualities and the characteristics that should be there in my friend? What's the importance of friendship? Does it really affect me, affect my choices affect my life? Did the Prophet salallahu alaihe salam talk about friendship? Did Allah Subhana Allah in the Quran talk about friendship.
And as a student at is like, you know, whether I'm at school or at the university, you know, who should I take as my friends. And we have also people who belong to both genders are their limits when it comes to having friendship with them.
So these are some of the questions shala that we're going to be answering in this Holocron shala. With brother needleless law. So to start with, we would like to, to
define to us what is the meaning of friendship.
So to me as a like, friendship is like being comfortable around each other. So you, like share your ideas to your friend, and then trusting them. And basically, you have similar hobbies, you like to play sports together, you like to hang out together, and then you'll share your personal opinion, like you don't share with your parents, obviously, like your most most of the people to do with you. They're like friends not past. And like without friends, I feel like life is impossible to me. So yeah. Amazing, you touched upon something very, very sensitive. He said, I will trust my friends, with my secrets
with my parents. So that leads me to ask you, like, you know, I know that at like the age of maybe between 10 to 17, or something teenage. The problem is, you know, if the parents fail to have that bond, that connection with their children, those teenagers, they go and they live in their own cave in their shell. And they don't talk that much to their parents, but they will open up when it comes to their friends. So based on that, tell me out of your experience out there and experience all of your friends that you know, what are the things that parents should do? To win and to befriend their children at that critical age? So like, in my opinion, what should parents too, because like when
you are young, around like three to four years old, that term like your friends, like basically you like your parents, right? You would like to share everything to your parents, but when you grow older, like the distance is like suddenly coming in the parents and the children. Because parents are like, busy, they don't give their children try. And then like if children like, if I have a question, if I go to my parents, and they are busy, they don't want to listen to me. And also, like it's just an example not
nothing personal. I'm saying yeah. So if I ask him a question before I finish a finishing question, you're
dret jump, don't do that, or like it's around what you did. So next time, like when he will, like think like I should share to my
parents about something, they'll think, oh, last time I said, and all the time, he didn't listen to me and he jumped back. And then he was kind of, like angry at me. For this time, I will decide not to, like, share anything with them. I'll rather share with my friends. So that's how it's like, get the distance between friends and parents.
Yeah, excellent. So here are some tips to the parents watching us now. So the beetle Islam, this comes from you right now. And he's telling you one important fact, which is when kids are young, the entire world revolves around him, because that's all they don't see anyone. So they trust you. They share everything with you. And after that, once they go out of the house, and then they go to school, then there is another word they're exposed to, which is, you know, friends and classmates, right. And then they find out that their friends are listening to them. Oh, my God, when I went to my dad, to share something with him when I was at home, and he started yelling at me, like, don't
you know, like, Can you see like, I'm on my phone, you know, like, give me some space. I'm like, okay.
So your child will try one time, two times, three times. And listen to the word that he did. Islam said, he said, parents are busy.
He didn't say, doctors, or lawyers or accountants or like plumbers, he didn't say your job. He said, parents are busy. Wake up parents. Kids are looking for parents at all. They're not looking for you as an accountant, or as a professional help. So if you don't give quality time, and that's exactly again, I'm just quoting the heat when he said, he didn't give you the look. They give you time, because they're there physically, they're there. But I think he meant quality time where you start a conversation and a conversation is a two way traffic. Look what he said. He said, so Pamela, they start talking to you, and you don't even listen. You jump to conclusion, I was like, No,
no, you can't do that. We're Muslims. So the kids grow with that guilt. Like you know, Islam means Haram. Islam is No. What's the point of law? If we dig deep into the reality, we'll find everything Islam is hunted, what's harmed that much. But we give our kids the bad impression that everything is haram in Islam.
If you go and read the Quran, the sooner you'll find the default is everything is planned, except very little things. And they are meant to protect us. So I hope that we benefit from the answer because really, it impressed me that we should give quality time, we should listen to our kids, we should try to be friends and they're coming often their friendship. But then you'll have them. Stop that angry statements. Stop that lecture. When you're when your kid comes to you. It's like you know that I want to ask you a question. Although I talk, you listen. And then you give a lecture of one hour, you know what they're doing? They're doing this.
Are you done? Yeah. Can you go to my room? You don't have anything to say back? No, thank you. I just want to go back to my cane. Would you like that? And did he come today? Ma'am? chair? Where's your magical stick? My son doesn't talk to me. Really? How old is he is young? Mashallah. 17 What have you done during the last 17 years, I was yelling at him.
I was giving a lecture.
And the problem is, I was busy outside making money for him.
You have to listen to this, please, if we really want to stop these issues with our kids, if they want if we want them to open up? Perfect. Now let me talk to you as as a student at the University
what should attract me to come to you and accept you as a friend? What are the qualities that you have as a person so that I can come and be attracted to you as a friend? Okay, so basically, if I'm looking for a friend in university, right, I will definitely look for like if he's a trustworthy or not. Is he like, helpful? Is he is a good person. Like, there's people like, well, not all the peoples are good. They have some bad side and the good side. Yeah, like, I'll look for those qualities like whatever, like, you know, friend, helpful, trustworthy and then if they have like, similar kinds of ideas, what I'm thinking and then they always they like to do in his spare time,
maybe I can go and do it with them instead of being alone. So those are the things I really like to have my friends. Okay, let me summarize again. So I should
looking for somebody who has some mutual interest like me? Why? Because, you know, we will have free time. So we want to enjoy that time together. Number two, he mentioned he said he should be trustworthy, or she should be trustworthy. Meaning that a friend, you should trust them with your secrets. Otherwise, something wrong will happen with that relationship.
And also, after having mutual interests and being trustworthy, he said they should be helpful. A friend in need is a friend indeed, because some people mesh a lot, they befriend you because they need you. But when you need them, they're not there for you. So it has to be again, it has to work both ways. I'm there for you, when you need me, we should be there when I need you.
Mm hmm. So you mentioned something very important at the beginning, you said I can imagine life without friends. So like, what is the importance of friendship? What What role does it play in your life? So like we are so like, people, we are people, right? And being a human being, we are socialized to talk, we like to make friends, we like to meet new people, right? So like, basically, if you don't have a friend, whatever, like, basically, if you're in university, your parents are not cheap with you, right? Your parents, I mean, your friends are. So you're gonna basically share with them all the things like you're gonna get help from them, they're gonna help you to, like get good
marks, if they're good friends, obviously. So like, yeah, those are the things I will look and also like, my friends,
because my life is impossible without a friend, because right now I feel like, they're like, close to him. So basically, if I go to
outside, I go with my friends, not alone, because I have friends, right? But if I didn't have any friends, then I'll feel bored. Right? Even our Prophet said, like, you're bored. Like, if you're bored, and alone, it's better to have a good friend. But baldness is way better than a bad friend. So I would like to have good friends and then hang out. And then why not? If Islam is allowing me, obviously it is. So basically, friendship is very important because it impacts my life. And, like, I need somebody to stay away out of boredom. And I need somebody who will even help me and there is nothing wrong if they helped me, you know, in my studies, even you know, like, you know, like, I
know that we have to be friends, you know, and we have to be like, brothers, for the sake of God. And if we do that, that love for the sake of God could be a reason for you to be in a very high position because in general the process of themselves
and move to happen Guna for those who love one another for the sake of Allah, Allah manette, but I'm not going to be on pulpits of light in gentlemen, you have to go to him up to the profits will be envious of them, they're going to say, who are these people and the only thing that they have in the studio is that they love each other for the sake of Allah. But that does not take away from the fact that we can help each other also in the dunya. Because, for me to be successful in my Deen, it does not contradict the fact that I can be also successful in my dunya in my life, right?
Mm hmm. That's very important. But you know what? The process will I'm given a very nice analogy.
He said, You know, when you have a friend, you have a friend, either somebody who's like a Musk, you know, seller, like a perfume seller, or a blacksmith. So if you sit with a musk seller, what do you expect from them? You're gonna get, like, buy something which smells good, which is perfume? Or at least you smell something good. Yeah. But if your friend like a blacksmith, what are you going to smell, smoke and bad stuff. And, either so panela that will fall into your Garmin and it will burn it. So based on the heartbeat of the processor, can you just elaborate on this because you might have good friends and you might have bad friends? What's your advice for the young people watching
us? So like my good friends? If I haven't just saying I have a group of friends, right? We're going somewhere, like in a car and there's obviously the good friends gonna say hey, let's go to the market and pray and let's go out again, right? So I like in the car no one's gonna say a single word. Like often like in there. You're not gonna say I'm not gonna pray you go and pray. Because while my older friends are Muslim lady, usually I go hang out with them. So they won't say that but if there is a like good friend missing right, the better
Friends gonna listen to the other one, but they're not gonna say, LS two and three, they're gonna be like, let's go. wherever we're going, let's finish the work and we'll come back and pray. But after that, they're not going to pray and maybe they will forget. It's not a bad friend, I would say it's like, they don't they like to pay a little bit later than what like time. Also, like, a bad friends can really hurt your life. Because I'm not like, I would like to be the example it's not a bad friend or anything. So every leg in the world, there's lots of people who smokes, right? So like, how did they learn the smoking from Allah teach them know, their parents know all if their parents
are smoking? They're never gonna, like teach them hey, this is how you're gonna smoke.
Yeah, but how they learn from school from friends. Maybe they tried once was Yeah, once twice. Now they are advocate to it. Now they can't even leave. So right now, like they're hurting yourself. Also, like Israel dangerous for their life to break. So this is one example. And that's it.
One of our viewers, Mashallah she shared something with us, which is very important. Should the parents focus on connection with the kids or protection of the kids? Gay should do both. But what should come first connection.
So when you connect to your children, right, then you he or she will come and talk to you about the problems. If you are not connected, they are not going to come and say that what happened. If you're yell at them work, just say he was in a bed like he was fighting or he got beat up, he came home and like, obviously, if you see his face is bleeding, before they listen to something, they're gonna come, what did you do, and they're gonna slap him and then do whatever they want. But if you're connected to your children, they're gonna go slowly, what happened? What happened? Like, what do you did? They're gonna, like, say nicely, and then
basically, wait, what he says, and then they will take action and they'll tell the children next time don't do that. It's not like what you should do. You're supposed to do that. Mashallah, when we go to the piano, we find pretty good examples upon a lot of you know, last month like talking to us about parenting, the topic that we're talking about, again, the friendship between the parents and the kids. Look at the dialogue between Yusuf Ali Salaam and his his father, you have to look at the way even they're talking to each other, you know, you civilize the lamb. The fact that he's sharing a dream, something very private, with his dad, like what I'm saying, that tells you how close the
relationship was, and how jacobellis salon focused on connection rather than production. Right? So he came to me said, Yeah, but in the right look at the way he's addressing him. He didn't say yeah, but yeah, it means my dad, but he advocated that the minister to form in the in the in the Arabic grammar, it it manifests the the closeness, and the love, and the deep love between, you know, the child and the parent, saying, My dear father, and look again, the way you talk back to him, he said, The alguna You didn't say Ebony evening means my son. But you have when I my dear little son, you wouldn't see this in the English translation of the meaning of the forearm. You know, these look
subtle, upon a lot, you know, emotions and an expression of love in the translation. And you will notice in the transpiler, whenever ally uses Brunei, it means the relationship is very close between the Son and the father. But if he says Ebony, it means there is something wrong. And another example is Ibrahim Ali Salman is my
last one I said
in the autofill, man, me and me. He said, Oh my goodness, I didn't say he said the one I was gonna say again. Right? And in response, what did what did this man said? He said, all I
bet if I took more, he didn't say
the opposite scenario is no holidays. And his son, who turned out to be a disbeliever will even not talk to him. I said, in nebulin athlete, he couldn't even say to Allah in the Boolean ethnic. So that means like, there's something wrong there. Okay, excellent. So we should go back to the Quran and study those examples because they are there and they are meant to teach us. So we should build the relationship with the kids. Then later on, in a very gentle way and in a very positive, inclusive ways you can correct them, right? Because sometimes, the parents you know, will point fingers and you have
Why don't you do this? But instead of saying, like, you know, why don't you care? What if the if What if you come to them and say, you know, if you pray Allah would love you. But you know the opposite scenario that parents do at home, they're going to help function even pray, you will enjoy health while you'll be there.
Come on, like, you know, be positive, right? be inclusive. Don't say hey, you Why don't you do this? Why don't you say, hey, my son, give him a nickname. You know, the professor I'm used to call Omar Abdullah she doesn't have children but you've used her you know, the mother of Abdullah the Sahaba used to call their kids you know about in about a child and they call them the father of the rough man, the father of their children, but in the hope that they can, you know, live a long life, they're going to get married and they're going to have you know, children. So being positively inclusive works, but when it comes to a relationship between the parents and the kids, Okay,
moving on, you know, Allah subhanho wa Taala in in, in sort of, for fun.
So number 25 and 27 and 28 and 29 Allah, Allah is talking about friends
and some people will come on the day of judgment and they will have so much regret
why oh my little boy anymore II they here to really turn it to her tomorrow Sue Lisa be
what the description a lot harder that you know, when we say your spine, whether you do this, when you when you feel regret, that's what you do. But the analogy I was giving, he said he's not going to be like biting over one finger. He said like, yeah, they both hands, which was apparently exaggeration, in the amount of regret that this person would have. They would say, I wish I have followed the protocol.
Why? Yeah, well, you let he's gonna call wine. Wine is a very intuitive it's a sport and gentlemen, jahannam itselves seeks refuge with Allah from the severe punishment in that spot and helper. Can you imagine? As if you're saying, I'm coming to you anyway, so please come to me, because I can't wait. When you're waiting for a punishment. It's so much. It's so much stress. Right? So as if you're saying Come to me, yeah, well, you later Later neelum attack hit phoolan. And funny that, you know, I wish I hadn't taken so on so forth. Why a volunteer and ethically by the nature and he misguided me after the reminder came to me, right? What kind of shaitana incentive cadoola and
shaitana always lit, man done. And shaitan here would be treated amongst human beings. And that's what we're talking about friends, right? So if you can tell me
some examples of, you know, some people I'm not saying some people that you know, or like stories of people around you. You can you have you have seen whether at high school, junior high, or at the university, who have taken bad friends and they have gone to the extreme.
So, in high school, when I was in grade nine, I had really good friends, like couple of friends. So that time they were in grade 10 or 11. So they're older than me. So I was to go with them. And then sometimes I would see, they went with some friends. They're not that good. So they're not Muslim, first of all, so they would smoke outside of this group. Also, like later on, they got kicked out from school because they found drugs in their bag. So they're really trying to like basically so yeah, whenever I try to invite them into our Korean class and everything because we go to foreign closets, like buy Muslim circle of Canada, and also like, we had a youth program, I invited them but
they were like, Nah, man, you go ahead and this and that, but they followed their friends. And then they were like, keeping distance from me because I was keep telling them those things. So all of a sudden, now they got kicked out from the school. Also, like they're banned from school, they can go to school, because they found drugs, guns, so many when like they're from, from my country, so they came recently and then they got really rejected.
the parser Salim said, Allah Allah Dini, Fellini, for Leon raha Dooku monophyly, we will be of the same religion, the same manners, the same behavior of your friends. So you have to be very careful, very careful when you select your friend, we should be trustworthy. As we said, you can trust them with your secrets. They should be helpful. They are there for you when you need them. Whether again, it's something in dystonia or something for the alpha. Also, they should be people who listen to you and validate your concerns. This is why this trust is built between the friends more than between the kids and the parents. Also, you should listen to the advice because they are good people unless
you're like a very, very good example. They say if I think a good friend, he will take me to the machine and it's
sort of taking me to the pub, or to the right or a movie, he will take me, you know,
to a place where I'm going to listen to something that will benefit me again, whether it's like something human sciences, you want to be a dentist, can a Muslim be our interest is higher at Hunter let's have to be a dentist. You know, I hope that the parents are gonna they're not gonna say it's haram and shallow. Okay. But again, like, could I be a good Muslim? While I'm a good dentist, dentist, of course, the Sahaba were successful businessmen. Right? Many of them, yet they are the best. Right? Excellent. So
the processor when he advised us, he said, Be careful when you choose that friend. So because it will impact your life, it will impact your decision, it will impact your choices in this dunya. Right, it will impact your entire personality and character. So like, I have a question. Yeah. So like, in school or something college, right? You sometimes have to make friends with the opposite gender? Right? So is that what Islam said about that? Can you explain them something? Excellent. Now, I'm going to be the guest speaker, he's going to be the moderator and some are gonna, like flip the rules. inshallah, that's a very good question, the hidden slam, and I'm going to share the
answer with our viewers, you know, when you are at school, especially in this part of the world, where there is, you know, qualification, like, both genders are together, whether you're at school or at a university. And, you know, look, the way the way it is like, the reality is, you're supposed to be a group, like doing one project together, and you might have people from the opposite gender together.
What should I do? I'll take you back to the time of the processor lamp was the interaction between the opposite genders at the time of the process? Lm? Do people have sometimes to deal with each other? Yes. Basically, first of all, there is nothing called friendship between a man and a woman, the only relationship between a man and woman his marriage. Okay. So if you find someone, you're interested in them, you go through the door you propose, and then you start like the relationship. First, you start with that engagement period, and then it ends after that in their engagement period. Okay. Yeah. So, but two people, for example, can they have another relationship, for
example, a student teacher relationship,
as we said, Look, people even working together, you know, in a project, like at school, and that's the context that we're talking about. Yes, there was interaction all the time of the person and I'm gonna give you some examples. There are certain
conditions that we have to fulfill on the relationship. First of all, you know,
I'm talking about Muslims first, you know, girls should be dressed in hijab.
And when they talk, because there will be, you know, a necessity where there are situations where they have to talk, you know, they shouldn't talk in a soft voice or in a seductive manner. Because Allah subhanaw taala addressed the mothers of believers, the wife of Salaam, and these are the best women in the history of mankind.
And he said in several observes, are 33 and number 28. Yeah, and he said, and maybe the student like a honeymoon, sir, in in Python, for lotto, and I will probably fail tomorrow, let the people became era, we're pulling them out of a woman of the profit center. That's what he said, You know, when you talk, you know, in a title katakana Republic, you know, you should be conscious, and you should not talk in a in a soft voice or in a seductive one. Why? Because people who have a disease in their hearts, they might say, Oh, you know, she developed feelings for me, she's in love with me now, you know, then then they will look react based on their decision their hearts. So if you if you talk
professionally, the way it should be in a lawsuit, we're pulling the power out of make sure that what you say is something, you know, good. You know, it doesn't lead to any thing bad. So, these are the words that were seldom addressed like that, what about the rest of them? Okay, let's talk about practical examples. You know, at the time of the accident, there was a Sahabi I called a smart man he has he came to the processor, and she was entitled to teach us a very good speaker. And also, you know, a machete used to be in the battle but at the back helping.
So she said profitable and Roxanne, I'm sitting with the Sahaba so she came in front of all of them and she said, Prophet of Allah, you know, you as men, you go to the battle, you go to Hajj, is Juma meaning like you go into groups and like, you know, there's like risk of like, you know, losing life and like much physical effort and, you know, and we're staying at home
baring your children, raising your children cooking food, cleaning the house, look at the question. How can we match you and the word love? Look at what she's asking for. She's not saying, I need like, you know, I need to be compensated.
She didn't talk about how can we imagine you're just looking for the Acura? How can we get the same reward like you as men?
And you know what the person did? She was standing in front of of setup and the Sahaba the person I'm turning to the Sahaba, he said,
Have you seen a woman talking more eloquently than that woman?
So he was so impressed by the way you talk. And he turned to me and said, Go and inform those whom you represent, like, go and talk to the woman, when she's like an ambassador, she's talking on behalf of other women, right? And hosting whatever result you have to have. If you take good care of your good Muslim husband, you know, you will get the same reward. Like you know, of men, when they go to the battle when they go to Hajj and when they go for Juma even though you're not, you know, another example. You know,
we have like a, during Hajj, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was on the back of the Kerman and, and fuddle. You know, his, his cousin
was behind him. And a young woman came, and she was beautiful. And she was asked in the pop cinema question, she said, she talks about them, and the person was answering and then father was looking at her, and the problem did this solve.
And then while she was still talking alpha looped again and did this to him two or three times. So that that's an example of interaction. And when the person Um, so something that was wrong before.
Okay, another example, you know, we all know salamati, a loved one, who became
ill and later on after her husband passed away.
She wanted to immigrate, because her husband went to Medina, and her in laws, they took her child from her and they said, you have to choose between your husband or your child. If you want to immigrate, you leave your child behind. So she was under so much stress, so panela. And then finally, because she kept crying and crying and crying, they gave her the son. Now she wanted to immigrate.
So one of the Sahaba accompanied here, all the way from Mecca. to Medina, that was interaction, right? Once upon a look at the Sahaba and the way they interacted, we had the camera, who would get the camera down, and he will move a little bit away until she's in the back of the camera, you know, because if a woman like wants to mount the camera, you know, maybe part of her, you know, like buddy will be exposed. So he will just go and give her back his back. And then once she's in the back of the camera, he is going to guide the camera.
Why should we go far more solace that I'm in the process. Parag was the interaction between him and a woman. The answer is yes. Again, we say we don't go and volunteer and do this. But this is the situation. You know, he was there by the well, when the men were coming to to get water. And so Pinilla what happened was, he found two women, and they're like, the keeping the cattle away, and they're waiting for the men to go.
Look at the way he asked him. He said, Man,
like, you know what the word means? Are Magellan like something important? Something serious? Like, no. Why are you outside? Because mainly, at that time, I was the men who would be working. They said rusty had tires that we will not mix with the men. We're waiting for them to finish. Well, I want a second career. So they gave him the two excuses. Second, our father is a very old man. So he can come to do it. So we have to.
So out of manliness, this is manliness, what did he do? So he took the cover out of the world, and he helped them with the water. And then they left. And this is apparently when he went to the to the shade of the tree and he said you are a lot I'm very poor, you have given me so much, but I'm very poor, because at that point, he was homeless. He was fugitive because he killed somebody by mistake in Egypt, and he's running away from there, and he's jobless, she doesn't have money doesn't have house, look by acting like this as a good person. And he didn't take advantage of these two women. Allah Subhana Allah, you know, soften the heart of the man and he sent one of these women to call
him. So when she came, she said in the Abbe de Ropa Vieja, Kaiser amasa fighter and my father wants to recompense you for the help that you offer. He just made that Yeah, I'm poor lesson. You're gonna get a house, you're gonna get away, you're gonna get a job right away. So you see, this is this is the type of interaction and I'm still focused on your new person that did it could be an interaction, but how
How that interaction will happen. And I'm using the product The sooner the bookseller, and life of the Sahaba to give, you know, guidance for that. So what happened is, he was walking behind her as Paula while she was walking, you know, we could see him here. So panel, I know what he did. He said, You walk behind me, and you throw a pebble or a stone to tell you to go right or left.
And once he arrived, so Pamela, what did she say to her father? Who said, Yeah, I bet his stature in the hydro minister alpha, we, I mean, she said, Father, hire him why she mentioned two qualities of him as a good man. What were they just said? Are we How did you know that he's this powerful when she saw him taking the cover of the word, because that needs 10 minutes. But musallam took it only by himself. I mean, he's honest. Because when she walked in front of him, he could see part of her body said, No, you walk behind.
So these are examples of like real interaction, you know, between men and women in Islam, and we can take that guidance from there inshallah. So, you know, we should be talking to the point, we should be, again, women should not be wearing perfume, they should not be, they should be dressed appropriately. But then what if there are some, like people from different culture, different religion, in that group, I can't force them to be dressed the way I like, but I can lower my gaze, that's my control. That's what I said, Follow me, Nina Yattaman. ups are on say, to the believing men, you know, to lower their gaze, you know, I mean, your teacher could be a woman, right? So, I
will look as, as, as there is a need as much as there is a need for that look. And then when there is no need, I don't have to. So should always check my intention while I'm doing what I'm doing. So these are like some of the tips when it comes to Yes, we have some times to interact, but these are the guidelines, you should follow. inshallah, when we interact.
Let me ask you a question, I want you to give
some tips to the, to the young ones who are a junior high now of high school because you, you've already been through this, and you're at the university now, you know, when they come to the University, it's a different world. When they were at school, there was like, you know, assembly, you know, periods classes during Woodville in the class, if you are not in the class, everybody's going to be after you, if you don't show at the school, you know, they're gonna call your parents, there's a report card for the university, it's a completely different work. So what advice should you give the kids when they come to university and try to make it relevant to friendship, okay.
So they can, as you said, in a school, y'all don't have that much choice. So basically have to go to all the classes, and then there's bell rings, you see your friends in the classroom, but if you escape a class, obviously, your parents gonna get a call and he will, he will be like, yo, get questions where you been, and then they'll know. But in university, when you pay their fees for classes, teacher doesn't care. Honestly speaking, like, if you show up in the class, it's now it's up to you, you want to pass the class or fail the class, it's up to you, they take the money, and now it's basically your life, you have to decide. So when you go to university, you get loss of
freedom. But if you don't follow the right path, you can basically hurt yourself from like, long run. So just say you took a class but you decide not to go with your friends, you went to cafe and eat something, all of a sudden, there's a exam and you failed, right? So you What do you did you fail the exam is hurts your grades. Also, like if there is a prayer, and then you decide not to go, but you like to, like hang out with your friends. What do you did to distract me to write? Because you, what do you did you give more?
more chance? Yeah, more chance. Like not chance, like more? Basically, you're saying Allah is not that important. Friends is more important to you. Right? So like, it can really hurt you. So I would say like, be careful with that. So yeah, you can have friends in class when you go to class and talk there. But don't skip classes and then just say, I'll go tomorrow or something like that. Yeah. Excellent. I have a question. I mean, we mentioned something.
Because, like during your answer to one of the questions you said, and then your parents like will slap you smack you. It's one of the parents here is asking questions like no one can I smack my kids? Like, is it permissible to to beat them up, like give me that chance? You know, give me permission to sell and share with you what the possibilities
You know, like, basically in, like, if we want to be friends, and this is why I want to make it relevant, you know, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna move into just talking about parenting, but like I'm talking about, if you want your kids to be your friends, and if you want them to open up and have that Frank relationship with you, you need to work to work on that connection first, from the very beginning. You know, sometimes, you know, when we were young, and like, you know, you're like two years old, or three years old, and you go and jump in front of your dad and say, How do you say it in your in your own language? about? About about? And then he says, like, he's gonna, like, he's
on the phone, initially.
And then the kid is gonna do this.
And then they're like, no, are you crazy? Are you just like, interrupting me just to give me that emotionless face? Like, no, like, What do you mean? He's a kid? What is the kid looking for?
Give me some time. Let's play with me. No play when he's a kid. No, you bought me that I want to play with you. You don't say. So this is where the connection starts. So don't say that this kid that because when you come back home, you're not the accountant, you're not the dentist, you know, you are the Father. So wear that hat and act like a father, turn up that phone and give quality time to that kid if you want to be afraid. Because you know, that same kid,
when the parent go to pick him up or her up from the school, and they're like, elementary school or something, and they want to support a lot, they want to, let's say,
Sure, that the funny situation that happened to them at school, for the parents, this is something silly, I'm not going to be here to listen to. And you know, the pin fell off and went down to get the pin. And then I found out that my classmates, you needed a pen. And then I gave her a pen. And you know, you want to share something that happened. And maybe it's Apollo, you want to tell your parents that you are a cooperative person, you're a helpful friend at school, you're a helpful classmate, right? But then once you start doing this, there's like no.
So show no interest means that that kid gradually will turn off. And he's not going to share this. So show interest, be an active listener, you know, what's the meaning of active listeners? Like, oh, oh, really? And then what happened after that? I'm proud of you, then they get a love to share with you. Yeah. So it's us as parents who decide to be friends with our kids, or the opposite, is what I'm saying. So, next, when when when when kids come and they want to share something, and you don't even listen to the end of the story. You make it one traffic, like it's one way, my way or the highway, like you listen to me. You're young, you're understanding anything in this life? And this
is wrong. No. Then if I know from the very beginning, that my life in Islam is a big No, there is no for everything. Why should I come to you as a parent and talk to you? And then I'll end up
making mistakes. Why? Because if, if you didn't give me advice, who's gonna give me advice? I'm gonna go to my bad friends. Yeah, right. And I'm going to be negative like them. And then I end up making mistakes, and I'll try to hide them from you. And then if you discover it gonna be mad at me. And then it starts like being very complicated, right? But from the very beginning, I
give the chance to the children give them their due time, the quality time, being an active listener, giving them advice, smiling, being positive, being inclusive, even when I give an advice, instead of saying, you go to January if you don't do this, you will go to jail if you do this,
change the approach, right? Allah will love you. If you don't talk back to him. Not Allah will take you to Hellfire inshallah, if you talk back to him next time. So being positive, be inclusive, you know, when when know how to talk to
me, even though those people gave him a hard time for 950 years, but he was still say, oh my people. He didn't say, Oh, you could
use if a student is in jail. He's not depressed. He's not stressed. And he's making our two idol worshipers. He didn't say, hey, you either worshippers, keyboardist in space. No. He said, Yes, I base all my fellow prisoners. As if you say, you know, look, you're wearing this uniform, you're number 80 or 8182. What he did, he didn't say, Hey, I'm using some of your Obama profit. You can talk to me directly. That's the solution like you know who you are.
Our kids to be close to us and to take us as friends. We have to act like like in a way that will draw them closer to us. So did the process alum, beat up? Anyone?
And I suddenly Malick, a child who lived in the house of concilium as a maid, for 10 years. He said, for 10 years, I've never seen the person hitting
any human being an animal or even inanimate objects.
Pamela, this abortion, right. So how should I raise my kids then when they make a mistake?
Listen, listen carefully. when they are young, from one to seven
kings, they can do whatever they want. Just make sure that you protect them not to hurt themselves.
But keep a safe environment for them. Now, from seven to 14, this is the critical age. This is when you start disciplining them hear that word, because some people I'm going to go daddy, you know, I speak out of it very well. The boss of them said, I limo Ola Docomo salata, sobre, teach your kids how to pray, starting from the age of seven, it doesn't mean I can start before that because your kids, when they see you praying from the age of one year or one year, and like even like two months, they can even stand up, you know what they're gonna do, once you start up, once you start, like, you know, praying, you do this, they're gonna be standing next to you, and they're gonna fall down, you
go to secure, they're gonna be jumping on you using you as a camera, and has an incentive to do this. Can you imagine the prophets of Allah Saddam was in a state of servitude one time, and he kept being instituted for a very long time until the Sahaba. They said, We thought that he passed away.
Either he passed out, he passed away.
And then after this is over, this prophet of Allah uses you too, is too long. He said, You know, when I started this Allah, and Hashem wrote me like a camel, and I hated to stop his enjoyment.
What type of mercy is this? Imagine I see some people now if the kids come and do this, you're gonna throw them away. I'm praying to Allah. This morning, my Salah, hold on, show mercy. The problem was given the hook buck, one time the hookah, how serious is the football? And then his son has an interest in falling amongst the people. You know what he did? You will be amazed. He came down.
Yes, he left the football, he came down. And he carried both of them. He went back to the member and he completed the hotbar. If any man does this, today, they're gonna fire him.
This is the practical example of the processor. So when they're kids, just give them the freedom seven to 14% and said, what do we boom Alejandro ash, meaning the word young
people translate this literally like, you know, hit them, smack them, you know, even slap them know, the person told us it's forbidden to hit the face of someone. It's forbidden. It's haram to slap someone.
Now, what should What should I do like the best translation for the word woman in this? It means discipline them. And also children. I'm gonna ask naheed now and everybody who's watching us, some kids, when you keep beating them up, they become very stubborn. And they'll come to you to say I made a mistake. Please hit me. They're waiting for that because it's meaningless to them. It doesn't affect them anymore.
Right? So there are many other ways and I'm going to give you secrets parents, take the kids away now.
Take the silicone away.
Take the laptop away.
You know what the best way to know where your children are at the house? If you if you miss them. Turn off the router. Everybody will come to the dad How are you? We love you. We miss you so much. What's going on? Nothing. But there is no internet. I can message my friends. You see, I can message my friends. They don't miss you. They miss their friends. Because their friends get them to listen to what they like to listen to. But you're always criticizing my dad or it means no or Hara. Or at least my crew is nothing Helen is no smile. There's no yes. So we have to change this. So the sooner grace and discipline by disciplining means, you know, timeout would you rule drown them. You know
what we're going out let's take at home.
I'm gonna buy all your like your siblings a gift because they behave well. I'll give you a gift also, but not the same like them until you
start changing yourself.
But be careful. Because justice is an obligation when you, when you deal with your kids,
we sometimes create that animosity amongst them.
You come back home, you have three kids, and subparallel. It's human nature, you might love one more than the other. That's fine. But don't show it in the way you talk, or the way you behave. You can keep it in your heart. But sometimes, you know, some panela, you can control this, you come back home, and the loved ones are yours, hey, give me a hug. And the other is that, you know, hey, say that, oh,
my goodness, you are destroying the relationship. You're killing that connection with your kids. And you know what, they're not going to only hate you. They're going to hate their brother to
go to the studio use a restaurant. Even though jacoba Lindstrom did not do anything wrong. He was taking care of two kids, giving them more attention because they lost their mom. There's a valid reason. But I'm saying if your kids are almost now grownups, you have to treat them the same way. You give this one something you have to give the other two is the professor when he was approached by a man. He's a prophet Allah be my witness, because I'm going to give my child this and this and this. And the person said, Do you have any other children? He said, Yes, I have 10. He said, Did you give all of them the same? They said no. He said, Go and ask another witness because I'm not going
to be a witness of for something which is unfair.
This is very important. So these are ways you know that we can again, when the kids
when should children first?
Of course, like sorry, like we like we're already done with the 45 minutes, we're like trying to answer questions. But be careful, because I'm going to end up with a question for you inshallah.
So, Sister miroir person, she's asking when should children fast? You know, fasting becomes an obligation when the person attains their puberty when they become adults. It could be again, I can give a definite answer, because some kids and you know, the signs for the boy or the girl when they attend their property. Okay, so when the girl starts having her cycle, that means she'd be cheating her property, when the kid like, you know, grows some here, here and there and Mashallah you find like their voice and they start having weird dreams, that means they attend their property. So it could be 12. It could be like, I'm talking about boys, it could be 12, it could be 11, it depends.
And for the girls, it could be as early as nine as 10, it depends.
So these are the signs, but when she when they when should they start fasting, we should train them. And it becomes an obligation, once they tend to have property they have no excuse to have too fast unless they have some, you know, medical condition or something. Because sometimes upon law kids today, they're born with diabetes. They're born with some kind of low something that will make it very difficult for them. So first thing we'll do progress the life according to the doctor when they shouldn't be fasting, but I'm talking about the normal people. So should I train them at an early age, you will see that home kids from the age of like four or five six yourself like, I want to fast
like you, why are you fasting, you're able to Jenna Otto's agenda to this is beautiful, but then you should start you know, training the meaning is there for you because you're wrong, because you're like you're young, your memory will be a different channel. So you first between no further until the potential of this year, and then adoree say yellow, this is your time to break your fast and you give them a star and say Allah subhanaw taala will reward you immensely for this. So they had the feeling that we fast that we achieved something you know, you build that you know, you empower you know them with leadership and self esteem. And then they say next year, you know what you will do
until Azur Mashallah, I made it excellent. Then now they're like nine or 10? No, no, let's try to make it intelligible. And if you find it very difficult for them, don't force them. It's just like, this is the training half
training camp for them, but then it becomes an obligation once they have attained their property.
Okay, now, after this long discussion, we still have about five minutes on this. We have some other questions. shala I want to ask you to hear them I'm sorry.
And you switched my role he made me the speaker.
Based on what you heard about the importance of friendship and like, you know, interaction with the opposite gender and like no bad friends versus good friends, like the parents, I want you to give some tips to the parents. You know how to create that bond and connection from an early age so that they can be their friends. And also you give advice to the young people watching us to, you know, on like how to establish a friendship with the family and how also to maintain a balance in their friendship with the kids. You know, don't show your parents that you have like
I don't want to talk to you, but in the meantime trying to help your parents to be your friend.
So we faced with the parents, right? So when they started to go to school, right, you will see like when kids go to school, they'll cry, because they don't want to leave their parents, right? It's a common thing. But when they go to school, and they see friends, they want to come home, and they'll share with their families, they like parents, because they were their best friends before. So in that time, if they continued to build up that relation continuously, even if they didn't, like, they don't share what happened to this capacitor as a what do you do in the school? And what? Like, did you make any friends in that, how they can know? Who is he going with, right. And also, if he's
making any wrong decision, then maybe they can advise him, you don't do that, like, go to this and choose that friend is really nice, kind of ghosting. And with your outside, like, like, trust your parents, they are here to like,
help you they are not gonna, like hurt you. They're they want your like, future to be a good, that's why there's something CL achieving. But in the meantime, you have to like,
keep the bonding between parents and children like sometimes when like, you're angry at them, you don't talk to them, you go out and then you're like, I'm not going there. Come back, and then talk to them. What happened, try to like, solve it together, not like, not talk to him. He said to this cause I have this brand. way I went outside, maybe there was a reason that's why he was yelling at you. But also like, make the contract and try to resolve it in like, solve it with your parents. And parents. Yeah, they should listen to maintenance their children first and then make a like, say something. Because if you don't listen to a whole thing, maybe you're in the middle of the part. And
he's saying something negative then but then there was a good part, too, right? But you started making comments like, hey, why did you hear like, No, I didn't. And he's gonna say, then if you didn't do that, then on why there was a bad conflict over there, and this and that. So they don't outside, like finish the whole thing and then make a decision. And tell them give them advice. Like, what you should do what you shouldn't do. Excellent. Excellent. Mashallah. So, you know, parents, like you know, I hope that you listen to this piece of advice from our guest today, the hidden Islam is, listen to your kids, make the conversation, make the conversation, like a two way traffic. You
listen to the end. And then give advice, Be positive, be inclusive. And encourage them to have friends. You don't have to force friends on them. But just monitor from far away, make sure that they have good friends, invite them to your house. And then make sure that you give them that space to make mistakes because their kids, won't they make mistakes, be merciful only want to correct their mistakes, speak in a positive way. tolerate some of the mistakes, forgive them for that, you know, build that positive relationship. And I would conclude with this nice story. And I remember my son when he was elementary school, he came to me one day he said that? I said yes. He said, I want
to have you know, man talk with you. Let's go to your own set. Okay, let's go. I like he said, Do you know that girl called Miranda like, who sits next to me in the class? And I'm like, Okay. He said, you know, she, she, she fractured her ankle and she's in class. Now. She doesn't come to school. I said, Okay. And then he said,
like, I feel sad because she's not in the class. I said, Okay. He said, What do you call this? I said, I have no idea.
That Come on, what do you call this? I said, Look, advisement. What do you call it? He said, I think it's called love. And I was embarrassed. I said that. The reason I'm sharing this is like, you know, can you imagine a kid in elementary school coming to share something very personal? Why? Because he knows I'm not gonna yell at him. From law. Hold on. You're a kid. What do you think about this? It's human feelings. Right? So I just channeled that into a positive way. You know, I'm saying I said, it's always good, you know, to, you know, to have feelings for people, and to miss them. And this and this, but then I started saying, What? Are you ready to marry john? And his smile. He doesn't
know what marriage is. Okay. But somehow That's amazing. When I went back home, I mean, even back home, not here in this part of the world. I saw my nephew. And he just took me he was like, also like, maybe two to two or three years older. He said, Uncle, I said, Yes. He said, you're open minded. My dad has issues with temper. I want to talk to you. Can we talk privately, so let's go. And then he said, you know, Fatima, our neighbor, I'm like, oh my god. These kids are talking about this. And this one is it was a
More serious I said like a Go ahead. He said, you know,
I don't see her like coming out of the house for the last week. And I feel like I miss her as like what do you mean by I miss her?
Uncle? I thought you're open minded. I'm like, teach me man. We're friends. Right?
We should I think I love her. So what do you mean by love?
It How did you meet your wife?
Look at this, you and I, at this age at this era of technology. We think that these are kids that don't know anything. Hey, wake up parents, they know laws and they know how to use the laptop more than you you are lagging behind you have to take courses because when you go and visit them at one o'clock when they are at high school or at a university they are doing chiamo ln Mashallah, but you know what type of pmla
they have so many browsers out there, but once you come in, they're going to minimize everything and you will hear this too This
Tim Rob become one Jana Mashallah, my kid is not only studying is also listening to the Quran, a lot of work, but what arises how you're going to go give him a hug and say, keep doing this, like, like, you should be proud of me that once you step out, is back to watching Netflix.
And then when do you discover this? When the report card comes at the end of the month?
What is this? Let's uh, see.
I'm not sure what you're doing beyond the line. I don't know that like what's wrong with these teachers? Like, you know,
I'm sure I did well, but I don't know. So brothers and sisters just wanted to put a smile on your face before we go. Take care of your kids. befriend them, tolerate, Be positive, be inclusive. And until I see you next week, inshallah with a new guest to talk about one of the challenges of the young people in our community, I would say as salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato. And don't forget, inshallah. Tuesday, we have something, which is a big surprise. What is it, it is going to be the night of the 27th tonight could be later for further because it's 25th. But Tuesday, also the 27th could be in a compartment we have a very special program for you on that night. We're not going
to talk for 10 minutes as usual in the throwaway reminder, we're going to double the time for you. So expect a unique program on Tuesday inshallah. And after that what is there we have our regular from a band life q&a until then, I would say I said I want a smile