The Muslim Family #50 – Dealing with Difficult Relatives
Channel: Tim Humble
Series: Tim Humble - The Muslim Family
File Size: 16.74MB
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to four who will carry mouza Lu? Wha colocar La la la de la Lu. Well Mustafa al de
leeuw hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala rasulillah Nabina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi Germain
going to be talking today about keeping ties with the relatives that don't keep ties with you,
and how to manage difficult relatives and problems that happen among relatives. Abby hurayrah narrated rhodiola mine and niraj Roland Kyle Yara Salalah in Nelly caraga asilo home Jolla, Qatar on any RC no la him where you see una la what a normal and home voyage hi Luna la
A man came to the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and he said, I have relatives. I keep ties with them, but they cut off from me. And I'm good to them. But they're bad to me. And I am forgiving towards them and hate him to not to get angry with them. And not to say things of say foolish words or or not to, you know, to overlook and to let things go. And they treat me with great ignorance.
So the Messenger of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said to him, let in Quinta Kamara quota for cat and Matt, to sift for Han and melon.
Well as Allah Mark Mina la vie here on La him, medanta Allah, Allah Allah, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, if it is, as you say, then it is as though you are feeding them with hot ashes. And you will continue to have the help from Allah against them as long as you remain like that.
So Pamela, this is how we as Muslims are commanded to be to keep the ties with the ones and the relatives, even if they don't keep those with us. We're good to them, and they're bad to us. We're kind to them in their unkind way, gentle and they're harsh. We keep ties and they cut off.
we are required to remain that state. And as long as you remain in that state, you will be in that situation. You have a help from Allah subhanaw taala help from Allah, even against them any help from allies. So a jelen you'll be, you'll be the one with the upper hand against them as long as you keep on responding to them in that way. And the Prophet system described it as like feeding them and melted any raw mud and horrible, it's like you're putting hot Ramat hot ashes into their mouth. And some of the scholars they said means that they will.
They will, you know, they'll, it will hurt them, that you're being so kind and so good to them, even though they're being bad to you. It's like they're the ones who are getting the negativity from it. However, the stronger opinion is that this refers to the sin that doors people are getting, they're gonna get sin because they are being bad to you and you're being good to them. They're you treating them well and overlooking and pardoning them and they are treating you with ignorance and roughness, so they are getting the sin for it. They are getting the sin for it. And you are getting a help from a Lost Planet Allah and the Prophet sizes even went to the extent where he showed us that keeping
ties with relatives that cut off from you this is what is considered keeping ties, and I'd love to even allow sort of the alarm and humor narrated from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that he said Lisa was a little bit more Catholic, whether canal Walsall and live either battiato Rahim Masada or either kata Rahim who was Allah, I believe and I'm unable to ask for the law and human rated from the Prophet size and that he said
it's not the one who keeps family ties. The one who does so reciprocally. In other words, one day keep ties with him so he keeps ties with them. But the one who keeps Family Ties is the one that when his family cut off from him, he keeps ties with them.
So panela this is suitable to use as a car ada clelia you a complete general principle in dealing with relatives family members,
with even with people in society with
You're friends, with your co workers, with your neighbors, with anyone that has a right over you. And that's why well lice is beautiful to bring it in this last lesson that we're going to be doing on this segment and the last lesson to finish the course in sha Allah to Allah, that it is a copy that you can take it and you can have it as a principle to guide you in your dealings with other people lay salewa pseudo bill McAfee
that the one who really keeps ties with people isn't the one who does so when it's reciprocal, the one that if they give he gifts, if they're kind, he's kind if they think he gives, if they don't thank him doesn't give. That's not really what Islam tells you to do. And if you do that with people, and that's your methodology with people, you won't be successful in your dealings with people. You won't be able to keep good relations with people, and you won't be able to interact with people, you'll feel hurt by the many, many times you'll feel hurt by them. And you'll find that you have bad relationships with many people. Because your concept is if they give me I'll give them if
they thank me, I'll help them. And that is not what Islam came with. Lay cell wall syllable, McAfee. There's none of this issue of one for one.
And that's why we find in an intimate note or a more commonly wedgie. Hila level learn Ori domain comm jezza and washoku. We only feed you for the sake of Allah, we don't want any reward or any facts from you.
If you live your life, expecting and waiting for people to reciprocate, waiting for people to thank you, waiting for people to give you waiting for people to be kind to you because you are kind to them, then we'll law take it as a mere guarantee that you're going to be disappointed. And you're going to find your relationships with people generally are poor. And you're also going to find yourself down and depressed about people in your relationships with people. The simple answer is forget about all the people and what they do for you. What you do, you do it for a lie soldier. Do it for a lot and don't wait for people to thank. I can remember examples many examples where I
remembered this idea came to my mind in a monetary more commonly way chilla learner resuming from jazz and electric Well, we don't want any reward or any thanks from you. Many times in my life where I can remember this idea. And it came into my mind spotlight you did something and perhaps a person it's not that they didn't thank you. Perhaps they would insult you. Somehow perhaps they would back by you. You went out of your way to help a person and then the person didn't deserve the reward they gave you is they backed by a Jew and slandered you to everybody.
After you went out of your way to help them and you get worked up by and you start seeing this person you know how could they do this after everything I've done for them stop.
In Amano, Tomoko Johanna, learn odd domain comm Jessa and washoku I want any GSR from you. If you mash it, do whatever you want. I want my jezza from Allah subhanaw taala I don't want your sugar. I don't want you to say thank you. I don't mind if you're grateful you're not grateful. Of course if you do something good for someone and they're grateful Alhamdulillah you feel good about it and hamdulillah but that's not the purpose. The purpose is what is with Allah. So leave waiting for people to be good to you. Or my relatives are so difficult because they're not good to me. Doesn't matter if they're good to you or not. Give your concern to what is with allies or don't give your
concern to what is with people. If you always wait for this
this one for one exchange reciprocal kindness. Can you in a wait a very long time with the majority of any other there are some people who are people of SN and people who are people of a HELOC with good manners and good etiquettes all of those people will not let you down in the light. But most of the people you will find that you are good and they are bad. You are kind and they are rude. You are soft and gentle and they are harsh. You do a sign and they do a sir to you. You do good to them and they do bad to you. That's what you're going to find from most human beings. Most people are going to be like that. So never ever wait and remember this card is principle take as a principle
You can live your life by Les salwaar, syllabi, McAfee,
everything with regard to your relationship with your spouse, through God to your children, your parents, your relatives, your colleagues, your co workers, your neighbors, les salwaar syllable McAfee, don't expect this everything you do will be reciprocated, that they will do the same back to you, they will give the same kindness to you and there is an idea or a series of IR three sort of facilite which give an amazing methodology for dealing with a relative or a family member who you're finding trouble with them and difficulty with them. A lot so a gel said while our tests that will happen as well as see either viability here as and for either levy being a carabiner who either were
tuned in who were the you and Jaime one I will call her ella larina. Sabo, when are you will call her in havin are the remains of under communist Shay piny neskowin Festo, the biller in SME, Ronnie
the good deed and the bad deed are not equal. respond in a way that is better
when you do so, the one that there is emnity between you and them will become like your closest friend.
If you want to turn the one who is negative or positive, and you want to repair bridges that have been burned down, and you want to keep ties with your relatives, even when they break ties with you, either fat bility acid always respond in a way that is better. And that's where you can take that
principle unrelated to the statement of the profit side some laser will also be more careful. And also to the Heidi that we heard before that or seen or LA him what you see on it, really.
I'm good to them, and they're bad to me.
I keep ties with them. They cut off from me. I speak to them kindly with words of forgiveness, forgiveness and patience and forbearance and they behave ignorantly towards me.
indefatigability asset, be the one with the moral high ground. Be the one who responds in the best possible way. Someone treats you badly. treat them well. Someone back by to speak good about them. Someone says evil about you say good about them. Someone treats you badly treat them well. Someone causes difficulty for you try to make things easy for them. In fact billet II acid respond in a way that is better for even Larry bainer kobina who is the one that there is some emnity between you and them can become like your closest friend like your best ally.
One now you will call her Ellen lettino Sabo, but the people who get this, you won't be not everybody is able to do this.
Not everybody. In fact, the ayah indicates that a minority of people are able to do this not everyone has the tofield from Allah to apply edify ability hear us and respond in a way that is better.
When are you will call her Elon levena Sabo. The only people who will be able to do this other people have patience. When are you lucky enough to have in our beam, and the one that has a big giant portion of goods from Allah azza wa jal that's the one who will be able to do it. It's not easy for you. And it's not easy for people for it to be able to respond to the one that is harsh and hard towards you with kindness to be able to respond to the one that cuts you off by keeping ties with them to be able to make ease for the one who made difficulty for you. That's not everyone has the ability to and that is sooner to never we it's a prophetic methodology. It's how the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wasallam behaved Salatu was an mRNA and not everybody will be able to do that. When they will call her a Latina Savile Row one level housing Alvin, why man seven the communist ship piny nazwa infest I've been there. And when you're trying to do this, if the shape hot causes you to slip up
the shape on shaytaan causes you to fall below your standards you had set for yourself edify ability. Yes. And that's what I'm gonna do. They treat me badly, I'm going to treat them well. A disability asset. I'm going to do that.
But if you sometimes fall short, sometimes you slip up and you didn't do what you wanted. First day of Billa seek refuge with a law firm a shape or not regime.
I will be learning a *load
Reaching out to be less semi early initiate on origin, seek refuge with Allah. In West semi writing, Allah is the one who hears everything. And Allah azzawajal is the one who knows everything. So this should be the way that we
should be the way that we deal with people. It should be the way that we set ourselves out, to respond in a way that is better, and to be the ones with the moral high ground. And to realize that not every time are you able to do is night time are you given the success to be able to do this, sometimes you slip up. And when you do realize that this is from the shape, that it is something from the shape that he put between you that you slipped up, and you weren't able to respond in the way that was better. And the way that was the moral high ground in the sight of Allah subhanaw taala There is no doubt that this has some fixes to it. There are some areas where you have to apply
various understand to certain understanding, and you have to apply your Islamic knowledge, particularly when you overlooking and forgiving causes the person to increase in their volume. Because the Prophet size himself sort of Harker violin, Alma bloomer, help your brother, whether he's an oppressor and oppressed. And the Sahaba said, we know a messenger of Allah, if he's oppressed, we should help him. But what about if he's a violin, and the Prophet says and told them to stop that person from there, stop them from making fun. So there are definitely exceptions and situations where you might have to take a slightly different approach, if you see that your approach
isn't helping that other person. But still, that approach will not go outside of ineffability hear us and respond in a way that is better. Because even by sometimes when you have to take a different approach, or you have to remind the person or you have to give them advice, you're still responding in a way that is better. The way they're responding to you in terms of being ignorant and behaving in an ignorant way. And you're responding to them by looking out for their interests, trying to stop them from their volume and trying to help them to move away from the oppression that they are doing. You have an excellent example. In use of Elisa. Remember when his brothers were jealous of him. And
they saw that their father yaku, valet salon preferred use of over them.
And they plotted and they kidnapped him, they threw him into the well.
And they told his father that he had been eaten by a wolf. And then Yusuf was taken into slavery and into Egypt and then into prison. And then he came to be in a position of authority in Egypt. And he saw his brothers and then even after that, when his brothers said about him, that he had set up a hula hoops and carbon that use of they said that he had stolen before that they said about his younger brother that if he stole then use of his other brother used to steal before for a subtle high use of NFC and use of he kept it in himself and he didn't say anything while me over the hill at home and he didn't expose it to them.
And then what did he say when he gathered his brothers together? When they said to him in their color enter yourself or your use of color and I use I abusive and this is my brother? What did he say Carla? to three but I'm a chameleon. There is no blame on you today. Yellowfin Allahu Allah. May Allah forgive you. While al Hamra Jaime, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy.
suppiler look at the sub. It said 40 years passed between yours
having the dream that he talked to his father, and between the dream coming true of his father and his mother entering Egypt, and they bowed to him. And he said, Yeah, but he had a weird way. This is the explanation of my dream that came before. They said 40 years past 40 years of sub 40 years of what happened to us in that time. And he said to his brother's lab test three by Lake Como Leone, Yellowfin Allahu Allahu wa Hammad Rahimi, don't take no blame upon you today. I'm not going to hold it against you today. May Allah forgive you, and He is the Most Merciful of those who show mercy. I will let anyone who can implement that with their relatives and their family, and can take that as
their methodology as the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did with his enemies,
then this person will be truly truly successful. And Allah subhanaw taala will correct all of the problems that are between them and ultimately when you correct
What is between you and Allah? That's when our last panel to Allah will correct what's between you and the people. If your heart is sincere towards Allah lies which will bring about reconciliation. And the man so Fiona Marina Rahim Allah to Allah He said canon earlier male, female mother, yak to borner, Babylon 11 illa dialed in? How old? Are you? kitimat? The scholars of the past they used to write to one another with these words, and Isla hassayampa who are Sleepy Hollow, and any other whoever correct their inner self and their private self, Allah will correct their public self and what is from the open what's seen from them in the open on us the hammer Dana, who have been Allah,
Allah, Allah has been our been enough, and whoever correct what is between them and Allah, Allah will correct what is between them, and between all of the people on an army rally. Here it he Kapha Hola, hola, Mo dunya. And whoever acts for the ark era, Allah will take care of their dunya. And I think that's a beautiful quote, to end with an inspiration to leave you all with. And that brings us to the end of the course on the Muslim family. So Han Allah, we started off with this course intending to be fairly short. And I remember we discussed it being only a few lessons, a couple of weeks worth of lessons. And Allah subhanaw taala made it easy for us to cover the content that we
covered. And actually in reality, there was much there are many, many more things that we could have covered many more things that could have been said. And we have by no means is it comprehensive. And by no means should it be seen as comprehensive. Actually, there are many highlights that we didn't cover many statements or the set of salia. Allah we didn't cover many Ayat of the Quran that we didn't talk about the Tafseer of them on on these different topics. But this is what allies which made easy for us to mention. Whatever I said in this course, that was correct. That is a grace and a blessing from Allah subhanaw taala. And whatever I said that was wrong. And that was a mistake. Then
Allah azza wa jal and His Messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, they don't have anything to do with that. That doesn't mean they shouldn't reflect upon Islam in any way.
There remains one segment of the course inshallah, to Allah, and that is a short q&a be in the later Allah. So we've asked the students to submit their questions to [email protected]. And to put in the subject, the Muslim family, no doubt that the there'll be a cutoff point because we there'll be people who will see this message late and they might send an email after it's already been done. But they'll come a particular time, a particular date probably will leave a few days for people to send their questions about the course on the topic of the course, things they might not have understood, comments, even areas where I might have made a mistake, and they want to highlight that you're more
than welcome. Send an email in Sharla. And we will try to deal with all of that in a q&a episode or episodes depending on how long it takes and shall allow to either and that will be released some days after the final episode, in the courses release, which is this one that we're doing right now. That's what a lot made easy for me to mention. We ask Allah azza wa jal to bless us all, in our families to correct for us our family ties to correct for us, our spouses and our children, to make us obedient to our parents and to make us from those who keep ties with their relatives. We ask Allah to forgive us our mistakes. That's what Allah made easy for me to mention. And Allah knows
best. Wa Salatu was Salam ala nabina Muhammad Ali wasapi
salaam alaikum. If you're enjoying these videos, and you'd like to keep up to date with all of the courses we're going to be wanting, make sure you head over to am [email protected]