How To Love Relationships In Islam Abdelrahman Murphy
Channel: Omar Suleiman
Episode Transcript ©
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want to say like you teach LSU so I
that's probably why they named you okay.
salatu wa salam O Allah Ashraful enviamos meansigma Mohamed, while he was never meant to be or could be assigned either to Medina Allahumma salli wa sallam, abetik cada
molana Mohammad, WA. And he was a happy person.
How's everyone doing?
You guys enjoy Hello sounds talk
to I just want to correct I am a fantastic husband.
I don't know why I'm here. That's why I'm going giving information and not getting it No job is better.
So How cool was how much a lot? What I like about his talk? What I love about his talk, was that he starts us off.
By giving me a microphone. No, he started us off
by giving us
Right? Whenever you want to know anything, whenever something is you're you're curious about something or you need to study something or you need to have information you need to get some information from somewhere, the place the number one place that you should always get it from is the standard. So for example, if you need information on you know, for example, where to buy things from your consumer, you need to consume something, you need to buy something, you go to Consumer Reports, right? If you need to go purchase a car, they'll go to the car dealership, you'll ask the experts, you go to the mechanic and you'll figure out is this a good car to buy or not? And so whenever we
have a question about life, about our existence, questions that we need to answer in order to move forward with ourselves. The standard is the word of Allah. Right? The standard is the word of Allah and Allah subhanaw taala that says, that is what we listen to surrounding what we hear we obey, because that's what's gonna get us through it. Right? And just I know, it sounds very dogmatic, right? You might say, well, how can you just listen? How can you just hear it obey? You don't have to question it. Yeah, let's crack on. It says Go ahead. Question, ask. But when you ask questions about the car, you're gonna buy, do you go to the random chef at the restaurant, say what do you
think about you know, this car? Is this car? No, when you ask questions, you ask qualified people, you don't go to Google, Google's out of shape. Last time I checked, right? You would have qualified individuals like should have no, sir. All right. You know, in this community, we have many qualified under qualified individuals with a number of feet. We have had to know man, you ask people questions. So at the same time that you're following this book, at the same time, Allah smart Allah says, to listen and obey to hear and obey. He's also saying, go ahead and ask questions. But so first, Alou atlin
those people who are often are the people remember, it's a reminder, those who know make sure you ask those who know. And so when happened with somebody, he started out by saying that he defined love for us. And in the first place, who put love in our hearts in the first place.
Who put love in our hearts for the first place? Unless Muhammad did. And so when someone puts something somewhere, usually they know what the function is, what the characteristics are, how we should, how we should look at it, how we should interpret it, because he put it there and stuff. Right? So when I was when I thought I put that love in our hearts, in our in our beings and our existences, then it's always good to go to a lot to ask into, into into see what is the purpose? What are the characteristics, one of the traits and one of the benefits? Along with following the book. On the Colombo Allah, there's also a second part, right? Something that is complimentary that
explains it, they explain each other that is what
the Sunnah of the Prophet Mohammed sells. For example, let me ask you guys, there's a last part of the Koran. Does he say pray?
Yes or no?
Yes or no? does the law say pray? Well, for the most
established prayer, let me ask you this. Did he tell you how to pray?
Are you sure?
Who said yes, he tells you how to pray in the Koran. does the law say start off by saying the law but then wait for a while. If you're leading people in prayer, wait for a longer time.
Right? No, how do we know how to pray
from a relative problem?
So you can't be a Muslim? You can't really understand Islam fully. Unless you take both parts together. Right? It's like you can't have pizza unless you got bread and cheese. It's not gonna work with only bread. That's just bread and cheese. Just cheese together. You have a wonderful creation of God. Right?
Wonderful. We need some sauce to I'm sorry, I apologize. There's three parts to it. One of the Trinity though. Okay, so we have Amazon.
He teaches us through His example under his under his his lifestyle, right? Did you imagine Can you imagine this is so cheap, right. So interesting. That's
One, his life was being written down. The way that he lived was being written down for millions and billions of people to look to that example and follow it. Ask yourself the question, right? How great is this man that his life was being documented, right? in many different by many different people so that we can open up a book called psyche, Bahati, we can open up the day when the higher we can open up the seat of the Prophet. And we can say, I want to be like this man. Can you imagine if someone made us you know?
Like today gain three pounds, right? Try go the gym, work it off. didn't quite work. almost missed out, sir. Right? Like, it just didn't work out. It wouldn't be very good. So this man is so incredible. Some final loans that have come in that, like his life has been documented for all of us to take is an instruction manual. So when we look to the example of the Prophet, we don't just look to it as like, Yeah, he was kind of this cool, smart guy, right? Once I was in a public school, it's almost like who's Mohammed? So once again, this cool guy. Like, that's pretty cool, right? It's cool. It's cool. They said that he's cool, but also realize that he's not just like some very wise
elder. This guy was, he's the man.
Right? He was the man needs to change. And that's why he was also the most human of all humans. That's why not only men in particular is example, but women can as well. So when we look at something like a lot when we look at something like love, from Columbus Museum, please.
When we look at something like love, okay, like
we have to look at the example of the problem.
We have two sisters to move up and getting a message that I think you just did that right? Okay, sorry, that spreads kind of slow, okay.
We look at the example of the love of ourselves and then the love of this world. We looked at the example of the pockets of silence.
And I'm only going to tell you tonight inshallah four stories, four stories, how many stories for a manager named Daniel from a law said that the stories write, particularly in the ground, but in general, we can take this principle that stories are the law their soldiers, from the soldiers of God, what is a function of a soldier or the function of a soldier to an army is to help it to assist it, to give it reinforcement to motivated to provide backing.
So when imagine eight said that stories are like soldiers, when we read these stories, they're not just fairy tales, right? It's not just the movie scripts. The story is more than that the story is a lesson to take from the story is something that we're supposed to inculcate into our lives to make ourselves better. There's one story of two people a couple.
This story, okay, she's my she's basically my niece. So
I'll give her curious doors later, she'll be fine.
There's a story of two people,
two companions will leave in Medina. They were both workers, they were both of the of the labor class in in the time of the problem from the salsa. And they were married. Now, in the situation of being a worker, or a laborer, in the time of the prophet SAW Selim,
if a man and a woman are married, and they are both laborers, and the woman,
or the man is given, as given as to go free, like you're no longer employed by me, your foundry no longer taking care of you, you're no longer working for me, you can go, then the spouse, the woman has the right to know the marriage, right? So for example, if she's let go, if buddy does not go, she has the right to another marriage because her husband is still considered in the labor class. And so she has to, you know, reevaluate her life in her situation. So this is what happened. She was given as she was given free, she was let go free. And she decided that she no longer wanted to be married to me, right? For whatever reason, she wanted a divorce, and she called it so Lisa is
devastated. Alright, we'll do he is devastated. He goes to the problem.
And the problem was so can see, right, the prophet SAW someone was a master counselor. He was he was the best of all therapists. But he saw people he could just read them. He knew what they needed. Right? He knew the sickness and knew the cure. That's why people would go to him with the same question. He was the best action and he would say to you what, behind your parents, he would say to you what period of time because he knew people's problems. And so you see them away from to the prophet SAW Selim, and promises Assad was facing some sadness. Xers a lot. My wife just divorced me. I want you please can you go and ask her to take me back?
I want you to please go and ask her to take me back. right he's like heartbroken and the properties are senseless. Okay, I'll go and try some hummus or something goes to video on a speaker. He says, I'm coming to you on behalf of your ex husband who you divorced. And I wanted to ask you if you'd be willing to take him back
You know, whatever it takes skill to do it, just take him back. She was able to Solo Solo Solo. She says, Is this a command? Or is this just a suggestion?
Right? Is this something that you're telling me I have to do? Or is this just something that you're saying when you please do it? And the problem is no, it's not a command. It's just, it's just a suggestion, just a favor that I'm asking from you. And she says, I'm sorry, I can't. So he goes back and he tells me, it's not gonna work out, man. It's actually not gonna happen. And he's sitting there without even a bath for the long run. And Molly's sees Marina walking away, right? At this point, are they married? Or no? Are they married or no? But divorce? Is he allowed to touch her? No. He runs up to the feet of Marina, he ties in her feet. And he grabs her ankles as he's crying and he
says, Please don't leave me. Don't leave me. It's a very sad story. This is reality, though. These are the people that taught us lessons to live by. The prophet SAW some of them at that point, right. A lot of times see the property's worth. Right. angry face. Don't touch her know. The prophet SAW. Selim sees that belief is touching Maria's skin. She's not she's no longer allowed for him.
And he was in a bath. And he says, isn't it so interesting? That the amount that he loves her, she hates him?
He didn't yell at me. He said, What are you doing? You can't touch her man. This is Islam, Sharia law, right? Nashville, Tennessee. We're coming at you right now.
He didn't say that.
He was merciful. So NACA Allah
will not send you except that you were merciful. And people, we said the purpose of something he understood love. He knew what love was about. He knew that human beings, we have hearts that we can't control sometimes, right? We're going to talk about that, though. And so before we get started and talking about how the prophets have lived, as a person who loved we have to understand that he understood love. He knew what love was about, we want to ask for advice on love. Would you go to Dr. Phil? Oprah, right? All these people, because why? Well, they get it. They understand love. Right? The prophecies have understood love more than any of these people did.
So the prophet SAW someone, he got it. And we see this, we see that he got it. Oftentimes you see that people will come and they'll complain to like the mountains and stuff like that. And
I've gotten this a lot that they'll say, you know, like, I want my wife to be like Ayesha, right. When I read stories of the Prophet, man, he would say it, she just do it. Right? clean. She's like, how much right?
But then you often hear I'm sure shakes up has kind of said this in a very nice way. He's a really he's, he looks big, big scary. He's a soft guy, right?
If someone wants their wife to be like I shot, then maybe we should start being like more like,
right? The reaction and the reciprocation that he got from her was only because of the thought that he had, right? That the perfection of character that he had.
And you see this, you see this in stories the prophet SAW. So that was once in his in his message, and his message. And by the way, it was kind of like this, where there's like a big room, and there was like a wall in between. and he just lived his house with one side of that wall, right? So imagine there's like a wall here. And this was his house. And this was the message. Right? So one day, it was a bunch of adversity and young men are dancing on the machine. They're doing like their ethnicity in depth. I don't really know like how it goes. Don't ask me.
I'm not really quite obviously, I'm more Egyptian, a little little north, but they were doing this dance this demonstration. And they were not like young young boys. They were young. And they were they were younger men, older boys, right? And
she says she sees this. It's interesting, right? At this time. She's not old, right? She's She's a younger lady. And she says, she's one of the watch that I want to see what they're doing. Right? Oftentimes, you're driving on a road trip or you're going somewhere and the wife or the husband or whatever sees the bill. Oh, please stop Ripley's Believe it or not, right. And foot snail Oh my god, right. Like, as cargo, right?
So you see that you're just like, Oh my gosh, why do we always stop everywhere? everywhere we go. You want to stop all these things? Right?
So the prophet SAW someone, she asks him and oftentimes the response from a typical Muslim husband is like,
if you want to fight, right, and then the wife's like, No, I don't want to say why I said yes.
If you say it like that, and then fights happen, right? No brownie tonight for dinner, only dollar job, right?
But the prophet SAW said, I said, Sure. No problem.
No problem. Let's go watch. So they went to watch, I need to demonstrate this. This can't be this can't be told.
I'm only going to
be by having the same teacher.
So the problem is okay. Keep in mind, neither one of us are perfect. or neither one of us are like Ayesha, or Mohamed el Salam. But just for the sake of demonstration, we're gonna pretend so you'll be in the
Place of Ayesha
and Amina, please. I'm really comfortable the masculinity of my manhood so I'm cool with this. Okay, so the problem for Mr. Salim. He's standing in front, right because obviously the young men are dancing and he wants his wife to be a little more kind of like covered a little bit. She can look but he doesn't want to be in plain sight. And what does she do? She's narrating This is Ayesha. This is the wife of the Prophet Mohammed Al salam, right? Right. She goes, I leaned up and put my chin on the shoulder. And he says,
my cheek was touching his cheek.
Romantic, is that right? What more do you want? Listen, hold on. Wait.
my cheek was touching his cheek. Check this out. What happens? husbands? What happens? No one that's over here, husbands. When you're at a place for a long time, like an art museum or something like your wife wanted to go and you're like, I just want to go to like, get some food. Right? What happens? What question do you ask?
Are you done yet? Can we go now? Right? So Bahama says hello. He asks, Are you done yet? Nope.
Right. This is this is what happened. This is what happened. Literally Mahatma Gandhi goes, can we go? Now she Are you know, he said, Are you finished? She said, No, I'm not done yet. Then again, he asked later on.
Are you dead? And she said, No, not done yet. Then one more time? He says are you done? And she says no, I'm done. Right. And she left remember the whole time. And keep in mind by the way that like, she's she was shorting the problem. homosassa them. So she can't she can't fit her chin on his shoulder. He's not gonna work. Right? So she has to sit up on her tippy toes. Now, when you're on your tippy toes? Is it very easy to balance yourself? No, you have extremely strong legs like me? Yes. But if you're like most normal human beings, then you probably then you probably have to do something like this, right? Yes. Hold on, either in the arms of the shoulders. This is the image of
the Prophet Muhammad SAW salah and his wife later on. Thank you.
After Check this out, you guys think that was nice. After the prophet SAW Selim had passed away. And she's telling us how nice.
She said, Well, logging, I swear by God, I had no interest in watching those people dancing.
She goes, I just wanted my face to be honest face.
Eat that the notebook.
We see that the prophet SAW Selim was an exemplary husband. He knew and he he kept asking, Are you done yet? She said no. And normally the typical responses, okay, let's go let's go. But he kept with it. And you see that the Supreme love just falling out of the heart of his wife. Typical phrase that we hear nowadays in society when was done sorry, typical phrase that we hear nowadays in society, and I'm not going to complete it because it's very vulgar. But it's a certain phrase, which guys might say to each other. Hopefully, I'm Muslim guys, which has a connotation of putting your brothers before your wife. Right? And all you think you might know what I'm saying? Okay, so very
Rows before Jones, right? So,
and this is a very, very derogatory phrase. It's very, very disgusting. And, you know, we never ever call women any sort of gardening tool. It's not what they are right? in my garden. But there are other gardening tools. So there's this concept is seem to be a very macho concept, right? Like, if you're a man, then you rather like you'd rather be with your homies than your wife do. Look, what kind of man are you like complaint Xbox rule? 31? Like no, right? Right? There's kind of this kind of this idea. It's very like, like, masculine, now it's cool. The prophet SAW, Selim was once standing with a group of his companions, and the prophets of some had a very interesting
characteristic characteristic. He has a quality of anyone who he was with or interacted with, they would feel like they were his favorite person. You know how, like when you know that you're someone's favorite person? And you're like, Yeah, no, like, you're telling everyone else that you're the best friend or they're your best friend. But we all know who's best friends here, right? That's the kind of feeling that everyone who met the Prophet had with him, because he was just so kind to them. And they were all like convinced, man, this guy likes me more than everyone else. Right? So I'm going to us a great companion on on, if you're from Egypt, and you know what I'm talking about.
He's a great companion on ours. He asked the Prophet sounded like his love was just so like for the Prophet he like the bromance was just coming out. Like he just loved the Prophet so much. That he said, Yeah.
Which one of us or which one of the people of the next write up all of mankind says, he says is your favorites?
Which one of all of mankind is your favorite man or woman congra humankind.
And the problem is listening and responding with one word, he said is right, check this out is even better.
So I'm gonna Ross's like, treat it right. So he's like, okay, no, no, I didn't mean that. I didn't mean like your wife. Obviously we all have our wives you met? Which one from the men is your favorite? And he said what?
We all know that Abubakar Siddique was the father.
Right? We all know that, that will end the prophet SAW Selim, when he was even before revelation, who was his number one, homie.
We all know this, that they were like best friends. They were like, super, super tight, right? Even up until the day that he passed away. That's why the leader after homosassa was
But look at how he called him. He didn't say the second or the favorite amongst the men is a bucket. He said what? Her father so even when he's talking about a man, he's referencing it in a relationship to his wife. That's how much he loved his wife. That is a true man of love. So if you ever want to get advice on how do I approach someone that I love? How do I engage with someone that I love? How do I Converse? How do I treat someone? How does intimacy work for someone that you love? How do I have arguments with someone that I love? The number one person you want to ask the problem?
Look to his guidance and his advice, and you will not be disappointed, right? Look to Dr. Phil and Oprah you might get some help. And you should, you should just like me read these books, you can get the knowledge of traditional or contemporary scholars, but always always look towards the divine guidance of the Prophet Muhammad SAW sentiments last photolysis katakana, Pharaoh Sula, he,
he was barely from all of you in the prophet in his existence is a good perfect example to follow. So as much harder to accept everything that has been said and been hurt, inshallah, I think shaking up the natural is gonna go a little bit deep into the idea about what love is and how to how to how to practically act upon it inshallah. But I hope after my humble Assam's introduction in my talk, that we've all gained a little bit of perspective on the fact that where do we get love from right? Does Justin Bieber give us Tafseer? on love? Right, the Jonas Brothers Big Time Rush all these dudes who wear skinny jeans and they don't want to teach us about love. Right? They don't really know that
much. Right? What? Okay, first of all, sorry, this is just a rant. What is Justin Bieber know about? Love? Do the kids like 12 years old? Right? I never say never. Never say never. Never say never. You're right, right? Where we got that? No one got that. Okay. All these people are trying to tell you about love. You don't really know that much. All these young kids talking about like butterflies. That's a serious medical condition. If you have butterflies in your stomach, that's usually checked out by a doctor immediately. Like there's something that might seek medical attention. Right? Love is not only the feeling of fireworks in the sky By the way, I got married on
July 4, so whatever July 4, I tell her like I planned it all right, like worldwide we're celebrating our marriage. I so love is not all about fireworks in the sky and butterflies in your stomach and globulin in your cheeks. No. Love is about giving peace and tranquility to one another, that when you see the person when you love someone, when you see them.
everything just goes away. Stress just disappears. Right? Nowadays it might be different stress might appear right?
But the way that last month Allah designed it was that when you love someone and you're treating each other in a way that's loving,
all the energy just cools off. And you're good to go. Right. It's part of a lot more we have
to be like lumps from it.