Love, A Lecture For All

Omar Suleiman


Channel: Omar Suleiman

File Size: 22.06MB

Episode Notes

LOVE , A Lecture For All Brothers and Sisters

Share Page

Transcript ©

AI generated text may display inaccurate or offensive information that doesn’t represent Muslim Central's views. Thus,no part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever.

00:00:00--> 00:00:02

So now I want to like have a look at

00:00:07--> 00:00:07

what are

00:00:15--> 00:00:15

the setup.

00:00:19--> 00:00:25

So actually, this is actually very funny because I see the Domestic Violence Awareness Month in the background.

00:00:26--> 00:01:03

And I'll actually tell you a true story last, so every year we have a convention they can imagine convention in the United States, and Russia was the largest convention in the United States. So we have about 20,000 people come, Mashallah. And two years ago, it was about loving the family. Right? So he had all these talks about romance and all these talks about the way the prophet SAW love, it was sort of used to treat it slowly along on his loyalty to the alum I'm not, you know, we had all these beautiful stories of rain and so many different stories. And we talked about domestic violence and, you know, warning the brothers and stuff like that you know, about not not being harsh with

00:01:03--> 00:01:17

their wives and division on on on abusing your spouse, and so on, so forth. And depending on the question and answer session, one uncle raises up his hand and he goes, Brother, what if the wife was abusing the husband's?

00:01:20--> 00:01:21

I'm sorry.

00:01:23--> 00:01:34

Say, yeah, we live in a different time. And we live in a different day and age, obviously. But um, so I'm gonna point out just a few things that I see wrong with this setting, every time we have a talk on marriage.

00:01:35--> 00:01:54

You know, Pamela, this is the only time that the brothers are as attentive as the sisters. I'm not joking with you. If I give any other talk by you any other lecture, the brothers are falling asleep, and the sisters myself are paying attention and taking notes, and so on, so forth. And motherhood is all about marriage, all the brothers are tuned in.

00:01:55--> 00:02:00

And the second problem is that not many of you guys are taking notes.

00:02:01--> 00:02:02

Except for these two.

00:02:08--> 00:02:24

So they've obviously they're preparing in advance, Mashallah, Mashallah they're doing a good job, because they're preparing in advance. Everybody else is probably just waiting here for me to say, what they already have identified in the spouse that they want, so that they can say see myself on the ship. So I said, look for this, and this is exactly.

00:02:26--> 00:02:28

So it's all good. All right. This is

00:02:29--> 00:02:59

a topic that I enjoy speaking about. Until about a few hours ago, I had no idea what we were talking about when we said the laws of logic, does it mean how to you know how to interact with each other inside of the marriage? Does it mean what do you look for when you want to get married? And I think inshallah Tata will just encompass all of those things. And we will do question and answer. So let's have a chance to, to hear from all of you and tell about how you feel about some of the different topics that we're covering. But, you know,

00:03:00--> 00:03:02

have you ever heard of Nancy Grace?

00:03:04--> 00:03:41

Yeah. Okay. Nancy, Grace is really, really, really annoying. And she's a newscaster from the United States. That's how a lot you know, a few have any, Did you all hear about the I know, through Facebook now, Michelle, we're all connected from all over the world. Did you guys hear about the Ayesha Khan thing, the sister that disappeared? You know, for some time, and there's this whole fiasco going on, people were changing their profile pictures and events helped by the icon and so on, so forth. You know, so this, this was a frenzy that was going on in the United States. So Nancy Grace is, you know, she focuses on these stories. She she identifies this story from all over the

00:03:41--> 00:04:13

country, and she, you know, she'll talk about the story. And, you know, she'll throw in her own two cents, but usually her two cents or more like 20 cents, and she'll talk forever and ever and ever and ever. And she talks about things that are irrelevant, but juicy, right, so she brings on the family of this, this woman who's disappeared. And you know, presumably, she's been kidnapped. We thought that the community was under the presumption that she was kidnapped to turn up, she was not kidnapped. But you know, you can imagine how grieving the family is how much pain the family is in.

00:04:14--> 00:04:49

And she spends 10 minutes renting saying this seems like an arranged marriage to me. You know, here and it isn't here in America, we get married because of love. We don't get married because How did you know? How did you get to know she's talking to the husband of ice upon you can imagine the guy does not feel like hearing about this stuff right now. And she's sitting there lecturing him. How did you get to know her in the first place? Were you guys hooked up by your parents? You know, did you fall in love first and basically where she was going with this is that, you know, I Stefan probably ran away because of an arranged marriage, right and spent a lot. First and foremost when

00:04:49--> 00:04:59

people say that we Muslims believe in arranged marriage. I have a problem with simplifying over simplifying things in the first place. But the point that I'm trying to make is that obviously, our Deen is under attack.

00:05:00--> 00:05:41

In every way, from a societal perspective, you know, from, from in every single subject from a historical perspective, you know, from a political perspective, our Deen is always under attack. Right. And people are trying to say that there's something faulty about our needs, that it's backwards, that you know that, you know, we're calling every once become caveman again and things of that sort of, there's this, this is what's happening right now. But statistically speaking, there is an interesting study that was published by Harvard two years ago, they said that if two spouses if two people, before marriage were to engage in an intimate relationship, and to were to engage in

00:05:41--> 00:06:20

intimate relations, that relationship had a 69% chance to fail. After marriage. I don't know what the divorce rate is, like here in the UK, with the divorce rate in the United States is 54%. Now, that means that when you get married in the United States, you know, you have a more than 50% chance, you're more than likely to get a divorce after marriage, then stay married. So Pamela, so it's, I mean, the things that we're being attacked for it, it's like, what exactly are you bringing us an alternative? Right? Now, when we talk about marriage, and when we talk about the things that you look for, obviously, unfortunately, even whenever we talk about religion, when we talk about

00:06:20--> 00:06:27

faith being the basis of looking for a spouse, you have all the cultural things that come into that, do you guys have any matrimonial websites here?

00:06:36--> 00:06:48

So, you know, some kind of luck. So you go to some of the matrimonial websites, not that I've ever been, but you know, you go to the matrimonial website, and it will say, looking for a 28 year old dermatologist from Hyderabad, you know,

00:06:49--> 00:07:03

it's like, all kinds of crazy, crazy expectations from one another. Right? And then you'll have a person who's posing in their profile picture, you know, in a way that's completely indecent, and says, I'm just looking for a good religious spouse.

00:07:05--> 00:07:47

You know, somehow not even the concept of looking for a person, for the sake of their faith is completely lost. You know, it's like, we're, we don't really understand what that means anymore. Now, we go to the province of alumni to some of the recommendations that he gave, and there's a lot of Heckman in this. There's so much wisdom in what the prophet SAW the love is upset to look for it. because on one hand, yes, Faith is the basis but the Prophet sallallahu wasallam mentioned another intangible thing, which is so important. And what was that that we should look for in a spouse? What else Dean and what else? Faith and what else? This is a problem. Are you all married?

00:07:49--> 00:07:54

What do you look for? Either attack and on top of the novel, what?

00:07:56--> 00:08:04

If someone comes to you, whose religion is pleasing to you and whose character is played into and in fact in some narrations, the prophets have a lot more

00:08:05--> 00:08:43

documents on donor colocado. Within how long if someone comes to you whose character and religion is pleasing to and what exactly is seen we understand the deen part, or we somewhat understand that being part when we talk about character we're usually completely lost. What is it? What is character mean? Exactly? This character mean that it's a comedian? Does character mean that's a nice person? Does character mean that you know they're up for a Nobel Peace Prize or something like that? What exactly does character describe? Who can give me the definition of brothers or sisters from an Islamic perspective? Let's get interactive from now until if you don't mind, who can give me the

00:08:43--> 00:08:45

definition of what is for them? What is character?

00:08:47--> 00:08:47

Now when

00:08:49--> 00:08:50

you understand my American

00:08:53--> 00:08:55

like, I'll explain what quota because

00:08:56--> 00:09:00

who can then tell me a joke that we make that includes the word of quota.

00:09:02--> 00:09:07

I'll give you the first part of a lot of McKenna accent the funky

00:09:08--> 00:09:08


00:09:09--> 00:09:52

Oh Allah, just as you have beautified my Canuck. My outward appearance and of course there's a weaker narration but some of them still recommended this which is you say this when you're standing in front of the mirror, right so you're seeing the funny you see the creation you see how a loss of kindness out of gave you limbs and he gave you a sense of beauty? And you say Oh Allah as you have perfected my creation, perfect my could look right. And look in the Arabic language and what we can take from this doc when you say a lovely accent the hope you say Oh Allah as you have beautified my external appearance, beautifying my insight. So hello, literally is your inner beauty. So Pamela,

00:09:53--> 00:10:00

how can you tell if the person has inner beauty or not? Now we're talking about something that's impossible. How can you How can you you know

00:10:00--> 00:10:27

Can you analyze a person's photo, you can analyze their deed right by how serious they are. And, you know, there's ways to analyze their deeds. But how do you analyze their photos, and we go to a very, very important, because we're gonna break away from marriage for a second. So guys don't fall asleep on me. I'm going to break away from marriage for a second, we're going to talk about the concept of Pluto because I feel like this is very important to understanding what you look for in a spouse. Right? The prophet SAW A lot of it was sent out when he was describing

00:10:28--> 00:11:02

a woman or when a woman that was this was described to the Prophet slicin of that prayed all of herself a lot of that fasted that was observing all of the outward rituals of deemed but she was abusive to her neighbors. So how they came to the profit slice that Emma said, what happened to this woman? You know, her Dean was on, you know, was was on fire. She had everything that she was supposed to do from a dean perspective, but she was a very abusive neighbor, she abused everyone around her. Right? None of her neighbors liked her. What did the prophets say you guys have to wake up? Or else I'm gonna make you do push ups. That's how we do things.

00:11:03--> 00:11:04

In Louisiana,

00:11:05--> 00:11:07

one of the problems like some say about that woman.

00:11:10--> 00:11:12

Anyone know paradise hellfire.

00:11:15--> 00:11:26

He said that he was in hellfire. But not only that, the prophets like Selim said something very interesting was the loss of a lot while he was still upset, laugh a lot, he ha, you have to know.

00:11:27--> 00:12:09

She is completely deprived of good on the inside. And she has in callfire, there is no good inside of her. Meaning if the dean did not translate into inner beauty. And if the inner beauty did not translate into good behavior, and good character and good actions, then the Dean was just a front. All that was not real. All that was superficial, all that was just a cover up all that was just putting a pretty face to a very ugly relationship with their Creator. Right, because that does not manifest itself it did not penetrate the inside. And an obvious indication that it did not penetrate the insight is that they were not observing good character in good manners on the outside. Yes, it

00:12:09--> 00:12:41

is the same thing. Yes, there are ways to tell that a person is ugly on the inside. But at the end of the day, we don't make a judgment about that person's heart or their level of emotion. No, but there are ways to analyze the inner character of a person the inner image of a person. And the proof of that also, is that the prophets of the Lavoie, he was Selim describes to us a person who comes on the Day of Judgment, he comes with his son, ah, he comes with his house, he comes with his car, he comes with his car, and he comes to the museum and he comes to the scale. And in the meantime, what's wait?

00:12:42--> 00:12:45

what's waiting the visa the scale on the Day of Judgment,

00:12:47--> 00:12:50

your deeds and what else? The Book of deeds, what else?

00:12:52--> 00:13:32

you yourself will be waiting on the Day of Judgment. But doesn't mean that if you wait a lot in terms of physical mass that, you know, because the profit slice of them said, Yeah, I mean, you know, I'll leave a huge person would come on the Day of Judgment, someone who's big, you know, huge feather is, you know, a lot he did not have that luck. But he does not winning in the sight of a loss of habitat or the link of the mosquito. Whereas from the province I sent him was describing our beloved bus route, or the alum of Thailand who had been Massoud who was a dwarf, I mean, in the fitness in the physical sense, was a very, very small person, extremely small, unusually small. And

00:13:32--> 00:14:01

one time as he was picking a sea whack from the tree from the other country, the wind blew him up, to have a look into the tree. That's how small he was. And his legs were exposed, and also how he started to laugh at his legs. And the province I sort of said, What are you laughing about? What's so funny? They said, The Augustine will look at his legs, they're so small. That's what we're laughing at the profits of the Lanai sunsets, you're laughing. But these two legs on the Day of Judgment, each one of them will weigh the weight of mounts with it.

00:14:03--> 00:14:44

out of luck. So the scale of a lot on the Day of Judgment is different from the scale in this life, thank God, right? It's different, but you yourself will be placed in the museum and a loss of habitat and we'll leave it good, have you some kind of love, meaning a love of way what your whole look, your whole look along the way your character, a loss of habitat of a wave. And so this person the prophets lie Selim says he comes on the Day of Judgment, he has all of the outward actions and manifestations of being when I can set the law on behalf of what Shahada what kind of a habit, he slandered this person, he hit this person, you know, he was rude to this person, some kind of law he

00:14:44--> 00:15:00

backed by this person. So what happens all of those people that come and the only currency that exists on the Day of Judgment is what your deeds, so he's giving his good deeds to that person. So those people

00:15:00--> 00:15:38

Have any harm because of his bad character, they're coming in, they're taking all of his good deeds, until he runs out of everything, all of his good deeds, and the only thing left are sins. And so he has nothing left to give, right? And so the people that he hurt would come in and they would start giving their sins to him. They start putting their sins on him. Look at the situation of this person. This is who the person was called, on the day of judgment. is most of this as a Muslim? Muslim? Do you know who the bankrupt person is a person who's completely bankrupt? Now all of this tells us something very important that whenever we look for a spouse, when we look for Dean that

00:15:38--> 00:16:18

does not necessarily mean I look for the one who memorizes the most. That does not necessarily mean I look for the one who is the most strict, right or the most conservative, because sometimes people have those things, but they don't have good character. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was as I some of the along the title I'm going to describe to Canada foodcorps and his whole of his character was the for Adam. For Adam young, she found out he was appalled and walking on the face of the earth, meaning what the prophet SAW A lot of it was that it was such a pleasant person. So pound Allah, he wasn't just receiving legislation. No, you could there have been books written about the

00:16:18--> 00:16:56

romance of the prophets of Allah, how it was set up. You know, the character of the Prophet Sly Stone, the etiquette of the prophets of Allah it was set up and you can imagine whenever the prophets I send them such, Plato from Cato from the f&e, the best amongst you is who is best to his wife on cinema with the low tide I'm so lucky I was a little luck. You told the truth O Messenger of a loss of love. It was so meaning what when your wife testifies on your behalf and says, Yes, he was an incredible human being, and it wants to because the phenom was alive because even after he passed away, it would still be sad so that they also love you told the truth of messenger of Allah

00:16:56--> 00:17:38

sallallahu wasallam. Because Deen to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was not just legislation was not just ritualistic in its nature. It was not it was not just superficial in its nature. Because if you reduce Dean to that, that it becomes just like beauty, just like wealth, just like other types of status, it becomes superficial in its nature, and it's no longer worth pursuits. So Pamela, the prophets like Selim was a pleasant person, right? Canada sold a lot more it was selling the salmon baja can this is an amazing idea that I sold the long winded describes the Prophet sly setup. He was always smiling. And he was always laughing. And the last of the prophets I

00:17:38--> 00:18:19

send them was just a very large smile, right? But not only that, but I saw the aloneness of the sad number happen, which means that not only was he always smiling, he would make everyone around him smile, kind of love. That's what the sad means. He wasn't just bouncing myself. Not only was he always laughing and his way soloff it was sort of everyone around them was laughing so hard, he was solid, meaning he was a pleasant individual. A lot of it was not people love to keep his company, people were not afraid of him. People did not want to stay away from him. So when you go looking for the what is it that you're looking for? You're looking for the dean from the outward aspect of

00:18:19--> 00:19:00

practice, and you're looking for the inward beauty, the eternal beauty, or at least that which is apparent of it, in terms of actions and character and good behavior, and good morals. And those are the things that the profit center long is on told us to look for. Are the other things permissible. And you will notice that on the Prophet sly setup, he said that you could marry a person for their beauty, physical attraction, or you could marry a person for their status or you could marry a person for their wealth. Or you could marry them for their Deen you could marry them for their fate and also lost license I'm set up to be that the integrity of that. Choose the dean make the dean

00:19:00--> 00:19:13

your basis for going out and looking. May your hands be covered in dust. As Pamela This is something that the province I said on the show is giving us the mercy and wisdom of the South. It is it permissible to marry someone for their beauty.

00:19:14--> 00:19:18

Yes, it's permissible. Is it permissible to marry someone for their money?

00:19:20--> 00:19:21

Where's the ATM?

00:19:24--> 00:19:25

But the answer is yes.

00:19:32--> 00:19:50

It's permissible to marry someone for their money. Yes. Is it permissible to marry someone for their status? Yes, but is it wise? No. Are these the ingredients for a long lasting healthy, fruitful marriage? No. Can they be factors?

00:19:53--> 00:20:00

Yes. Can they be factors? Yes, but aren't should they be the basis of what

00:20:00--> 00:20:34

could become a fruitful marriage? Absolutely not. Because these are things that are superficial in their nature, they can be compliments to the basis which is the deed. Right? So whenever you get married, yes, you should be attracted to your spouse. Yes, there there should be an element of attraction there. There is no doubt about that. And that's why the problems lie seven was not unreasonably You know, sometimes people branch out a lot, especially, you know, our our dear beloved generation that came down to us and they said, You know, I married your mother without having her seen her one time. I'm sitting there thinking to myself, like, that was a pretty that could have

00:20:34--> 00:20:35

been a pretty disastrous

00:20:38--> 00:20:42

cuz What if the first time that you saw each other was wedding guy and

00:20:44--> 00:21:02

stuff? That's not good? That's not good because the province of the longlining with some, what did he advise the young men came to him asking, said you should go and look at her. You should go look at her Meaning what? It's not that she has to she has to be, you know, Miss Mecca that time or something like that.

00:21:03--> 00:21:37

You know, she fulfills the minimum requirement of attraction, right? You're attracted to her? That's important. Right? And at the same time, yes, some sisters, you know, some how do I you should know what you're what you're getting into when you marry someone who's having financial troubles, if you can handle that, and how did you do that. But if you're coming from a from a household where you've been spoiled your entire life, and then you go and you marry a guy who's just making ends meet, that's, that's the ingredient for a disastrous marriage. So it can be a factor Yes, that the person's well off that he's stable, right. And you don't want someone who's low in society and those

00:21:37--> 00:22:17

types of things flying, you know, especially if you come from a higher level of society, that can be a factor, right? And we saw it with Xavier and Xavier, both rights is equal, but their level of status was a factor. It was attractive. Okay, so these can be factors. But the basis of looking and identify looking for a spouse, and identifying the spouse should be the things that will last forever, which are Diem and Hulu and character. Right? Is it always going to be a successful marriage? No, there will be times that someone will get suckered into what you know, into a marriage and you will believe that you're marrying Mr. Right, Mr. Right, turns out to be the straw. That

00:22:17--> 00:22:55

happens sometimes. Look at afcea. I mean, it's set up for the love of time. Right? Asya was a good boss. Do you have Mr. Right? She thought that was Mr. Right? It was an honorable woman even before it's not, you know, again, we're talking about we're talking about character, character signs, even without a snap, because the province license I'm such a Nevada that people are like precious stones. You know, they're just yeah, confidentiality of the outcome to the snap the best amongst you, in the days of ignorance are the best amongst you. And it's some it's not does not do away with good character, Sam polishes good character. It's not, you know, channel's good character in the right

00:22:55--> 00:22:57

direction. Right. So somehow,

00:22:58--> 00:23:35

there are some situations like that there are, you know, factors that come into play, but, but at the end of the day, you look for what has the best chance and you put your trust in a loss of kind of what's out. And there are so many things that come into play here. Number one, what is something that you should be doing when you want to get married? As far as Herbalife is concerned? so optimistic. Now, here's the funny thing. Sometimes people come and ask me *, I want to praise the cloud and things of that sort. And then it's like, okay, you know, can you tell me what this Dakota is? So basically, you're saying to that, you know, you're making the dough out to our last parents.

00:23:35--> 00:24:12

If this is good for me, make it easy for me if it's bad for me, take it away from me. And then some people have said this to me, some people said, but chip, I don't want to take it away. Even if it's bad for me, can I just make the art for that person in particular? Like Fine, then what's the point of praying is the Father, then I have to realize, this is why By the way, when you look for the knowledge is so important. This was a situation that happened with me, I'm not even making this up. When we're talking about this, the father, by the way, so I think we all can agree that with our cultures, we have some very, very weird practices when it comes to the Father sometimes. So here I

00:24:12--> 00:24:46

was, you know, fresh in New Orleans, six years ago, and I'm thinking to myself, somehow, I'm going to I'm going to do some matchmaking now. And people are coming to me saying, you know, look, you know, can you find, can you find a husband for my sister, can you find the husband for my daughter, and then the brothers are coming to me and there's, you know, and the sisters are coming to me, and somehow I'm thinking to myself, alright, matchmaking time. The problem was, of course, that every time I would find the proper match, that person would happen to be from a different country. How the parents would just not have that, right, because we say we're not racist, or not racist. So whenever

00:24:46--> 00:24:53

whenever someone comes knocking on your doors that's not from your tribe, and whose grandfather did not ride a donkey with your grandfather's.

00:24:54--> 00:24:59

It's like, No, no, no, we're not having that. We're not racist. We don't have a problem with you, but we're not having that. Right.

00:25:00--> 00:25:00


00:25:01--> 00:25:40

for the allowed to approach beloved robot for their love life and habit, she an Ethiopian, who was a freed slave to come and marry from his family, because we're looking for the right who was better than banality a long time. So anyway, it always turned out that you know, we have a DC then we have an Egyptian. Alright, next, we have a Hyderabadi we have someone from Karachi that didn't work out we had, it's like, why is this happening? So finally, I finally got to doctors, Mashallah, because the girl was a doctor of the family said, Our daughter is not going to marry someone who's not a doctor. I said, Fine. I was a good doctor. Everything worked up everything the ball was rolling.

00:25:41--> 00:25:46

Then the next morning, I get a call from the sister. I'm all excited because this is my first time making the match. As

00:25:48--> 00:25:51

I get a call from my sister, and she's crying and I said,

00:25:52--> 00:25:57

What happened? The guy might have said something ridiculous, the guy might have made her upset or something like that.

00:26:13--> 00:26:14

Seven again?

00:26:23--> 00:26:26

Like, can you explain to me this is the bottom of your brain.

00:26:27--> 00:26:35

So she's still crying. And she's explaining to me that in her culture from her tribe, they take six sheets of paper, they write yes on three and they write No.

00:26:37--> 00:26:39

I'm not making this up.

00:26:40--> 00:26:44

Put the pieces of paper under your pillow. And then as you wake up, pick one up.

00:26:48--> 00:27:04

Seriously? Right. And then how many of you have heard the one about you're supposed to see certain colors in your dreams? Yeah, see? See that one? You probably still believe that was just talking about, you know, what are you talking about? You see certain colors in your dreams? Are you crazy? What are you getting?

00:27:06--> 00:27:43

But, again, we don't understand the concept of this staccato. And then some people pray. It's the heart of the right way, which is to pray to lock arms and to make the doorknob, which is basically again, oh, this is good for me make it easy for me if it's bad for me put obstacles, you know, between me and it? And then if the answer the problem, the answer to the as to how to truly manifest itself sometimes like hardcore obstacles. I'm not talking about like minor obstacles. I'm talking about hardcore obstacles, but you still insist that this is the one. So you're not responding to the you know, loss of habitat is giving you clear answers. At one point, everything is going wrong after

00:27:43--> 00:27:49

you pray staccato. But still, this is the one I want, right? I'm going forth with. So you need to trust a loss paddleboards.

00:27:50--> 00:28:27

And you need to truly, when you're looking for a spouse, you need to really be sincere and wanting the spouse who has the best deed, and who has the best quote. And here is why, you know, a lot of times we talk about the concept of dating, right? Are we allowed to date and stuff? Well, it depends how you define dating, are we allowed to get to know one another before it's not and ask each other necessary? Questions. Yes, we can sit with each other, you know, as long as we're not alone, right? In a situation where, you know, one thing can lead to the other, so on so forth, you know, and by the way, there's Hello, when you're sitting together, there's Hello on the computer. Also, there's

00:28:27--> 00:28:38

cyber Hello. Like when you're talking to each other on Facebook chat, or Geeta, and nobody else is watching. And then you start getting a little bit flirty. And you start, you start noticing that after a week, more smiley faces are popping up.

00:28:40--> 00:29:14

All right, this is not going this is not becoming You know, this isn't to the point anymore, you know what's happening at this point, right? So are we allowed to get to know one another? Yes. And in this day and age, in this day and age, I think it's absolutely important for you know, a potential husband and a potential wife to sit together and talk before they get married. It is vital at this point. Because, you know, these days, you know, people have very weird views have very weird leanings. And then all of a sudden when they get married, it's like, here's, you know, here's, here's the surprise, right? So many different surprises here and there, to get together and to ask

00:29:14--> 00:29:30

each other to see what their common interests are their common goals, right, their views on D. These are so important, right? Not that after they get married, by the way, you're not allowed to work. By the way, you're not allowed to drive. By the way, you know, I married a second wife like 10 years ago.

00:29:33--> 00:30:00

know you're supposed to be Mr. No, you sit together and you and you ask one another, you talk to one another right, but not in a way that's inappropriate, not in a way that becomes flirtatious or unnecessary. Right? And does that work? statistically speaking, it works a whole lot better than the quote unquote love marriages. Whenever people come together and whenever people have experimented all of the things that they're not supposed to experience until after marriage and then once they get married, the only

00:30:00--> 00:30:35

thing that kicks in is responsibility. And that really sucks, you know, when responsibility gets kicked into it, it's like, Man, you know, I was enjoying myself not married, why do I have to get married now what's, you know, somehow? Why did I add all this undue burden upon myself? And then some Muslims asked, Well, why can't Why can't we, you know, we don't we don't have to sleep with each other. We don't have to commit to all that stuff. Why can't we just talk with each other? Why can't we just, you know, go out to each other with each other watch movie hold hands, things of that sort? And I'll explain to you why. At that point, and this is just human emotions, by the way.

00:30:36--> 00:30:39

Do you or do you not think that your decision will be biased after that?

00:30:41--> 00:31:21

Think about, the whole thing has become slanted at that point. Right, because you're infatuated. And you might be taking that as being loved. But you're infatuated, right? You've already experienced the face that the person puts on outside, you've already experienced some of the joys and things of that sort. Right. And so your decision making is now locked. Right? And at that point, let me tell you what happens. And this happens in MSA is your eye Sox or whatever it is, and different different college organizations, different Islamic organizations, people have gotten to know one another and ship out America? Why do you want to marry her? Because she's religious? Okay. Why is she religious?

00:31:21--> 00:31:38

Because at that point, your decision making is flawed. You know why? Because everything she does at that point, or everything he does at that point, you're going to interpret as being religious. Like she loves, she's so good. She prays the other day, the other day, I saw her driving and she was listening to

00:31:43--> 00:31:55

everything, see, you will force her to be religious, you will force them to be religious, even if they're not religious at that point. Why? Because you've already made up your mind. And your decision making is what at that point.

00:31:59--> 00:32:36

Your decision making is flawed at that point. Right. So So Allah subhanaw, taala gives us an opportunity, you pursue a person for them, and you pursued them for hope. And you pursued them thinking, you know, putting all of the factors into play, because this is an extremely important decision. Right? And you can imagine this parallel, why is it there's so much I love so much punishment that comes from just, you know, continuous dating and testing the waters here and there? You know, some kind of law a lot of times just ask the ask the people that are some of you may have been in the situation where you used to do this, and now last contacted guidance, and things of that

00:32:36--> 00:33:10

sort when you used to date, that's help, that's torture, right? You invest yourself emotionally into something you tell us you, you tell someone, all of your secrets, none. All of that falls apart. And then you go, it's like a roller coaster, next person, right? You go through that you experience the joys, you think that this is the right person, and then boom, that's done too. And you keep going and going and going and going. And then once you get married, what makes you think that you're going to be able to have a happy marriage, you're already used to relationship failure. You've already been with different people. So you'll get sick of your spouse very, very, very quickly. And then you

00:33:10--> 00:33:24

say, why is the last contact doing this to me? Right? Why did the last contact put me in an unhappy relationship? Think about that for a moment. So most times, he gives us women the unqualified acumen and physical as well as

00:33:26--> 00:33:27

when they come

00:33:28--> 00:33:40

from the sidewalk must have a valid for those who think and will constantly he created for you spouses from amongst yourselves. And here are the functions of America. The test school as a second in the Arabic language is what?

00:33:41--> 00:34:19

Your home, right? The tests, little Elijah, you dwell with that person you find comfort in that person, what are the functions of a home? Right, why gyla Vina common knowledge that oratia Melinda is too one to please someone else. And compassion and mercy Alice kind of Tyler flips these things between the spouses, right? And they've grown together, they learn about each other over time. And you know, what, they're, they're learning to love everything about each other. And they're looking at each other from the lens of Dean and horlock. So even when these superficial things start to fall apart, because guess what, if you're beautiful, you get older, right? Whenever the beauty starts to

00:34:19--> 00:34:57

fade away, if money fades away, right? If the money starts to go down the drain, too, how many marriages fall apart because of financial troubles? Right. It's a kind of a lot. I mean, I was I was reading something in Newsweek, I remember, maybe a year ago there was talking about the effect of the economic crisis on marriages, that marriage cannot stand on its two feet anymore. Why? Because the money's gone. Everything's falling apart. So the things have been put upon there to hold that marriage. Right. But a lot of headwinds, it gives us those things, you make that the basis, right. A lot of data also says hootenanny, bass and neck winds will be best if they are a garment for you and

00:34:57--> 00:34:59

you are a garments for them. So essentially

00:35:00--> 00:35:34

Whenever I go looking for a person, I'm looking for a person who's Am I looking for a person who's less than me? Who I can correct that I can bring into my standard of being like, yeah, she's really pretty and she has potential or he seems like a really good guy he has potential Do I look for someone who has potential? Do you walk into a supermarket and see a cloth, you know, see a shirt that's hanging and say, certain has a lot of potential. Might take it home and I cut it up. If it's not ready for me, if it's not ready, this is not this is not the shirt that I'm going to be able to put on tomorrow that's going to immediately beautify me. I don't want that shirt. Right. So somehow,

00:35:34--> 00:36:11

I don't look for potential. I don't even look for someone who's this equal to me indeed, what do I look for? I look for someone who's better than me and being so that they can cover my faults and unify me in those same spots where I know that I'm lacking, right? I know that I can do better, right? So I look for for someone who's better in deemed to make me that better person. Right? And hello, because Hulu is important to Yes, there are some people that are on the way to becoming religious people turn up somehow a lot. I always say this, you know, on your way to becoming a religious person don't become a crappy human being. Seriously, some people on their way to becoming

00:36:11--> 00:36:47

religious become jerks somewhere along the line, right, become judgmental, become arrogant, become prideful, they start to think that they have understood the poor and soon and everybody else's upon falsehood. And you know, the truth lies through me and things of that sort. You avoid those types of people. Trust me, those people are worse than the ones that don't have Dean, because they're using the dean. And they're just adding that into their superficiality. Right, you look for those things that can you know, you look for that person that wants to grow in the dean. And if the priority is Dean, if the priority is optional, then you will see incredible things happen. And you will see that

00:36:47--> 00:37:09

that relationship will be able to withstand the trials. And the other thing, and I'm going to end with just one story. This is a very powerful story story. And it shows you what the dean is about. You know, it shows you that the how Dean can actually infuse love, inside of a relationship. You know, there's a hadith from the messengers, instead of trying to tell the story. It's a beautiful Hadith, right? he

00:37:10--> 00:37:12

narrates it as Muslims and authentic hadith the Prophet

00:37:13--> 00:37:19

walking along with Mr. kamin, a lady for sola was a mother in law.

00:37:20--> 00:37:41

But in mobile, happy when she has not had a lot, a lot Have mercy on a man who wakes up in the middle of the night to pray, right, he wakes up for a piano. So he wakes up his wife to pray, and she refuses, you don't see her, she stands up and prays, and if she refuses, he goes and he takes a little bit of water, okay, doesn't go and take a flower.

00:37:43--> 00:37:52

You know, water gun, no, he takes a little bit of water, he sprinkles it on her face so that she could wake up and carry with him. Right? And then

00:37:53--> 00:38:33

watch the mocha clementina Lady for Formula One, or the dojo happiness on the other mobile, what's the what's up and not, as may Allah have mercy on a woman who wakes up in the middle of the night, this is a two way street. Remember, this is a two way street, she wakes up in the middle of the night to pray. And she tries to wake up her husband to pray to. And if he refuses, she takes some water to sprinkles and into his face, right? To wake him up, right to people that are growing in the deme together to people that are looking for something that cannot be given to them and this world, what they know is guaranteed, so long as the other person is capable of getting me closer to that

00:38:33--> 00:39:08

goal, then that person is a valuable asset in my life. It's as simple as that, so long as I can see this person as someone who's bringing me closer to my goal. So if my goal is accurate, then I need that person in my life. Right? So how to look, you know, and once you start seeing marriage that way, rather than just you know, you know, of course, you started off with the right way you start looking for the things that sort of as long as you see marriage in that way, rather than just a trial run. Because in this day and age, honestly, you go into a marriage, and that possibility that looming possibility that this might be this might not be the right one is always there. And that

00:39:08--> 00:39:43

haunts you. And at the end of the day, it's almost like you have more than a 50% chance of getting divorced, even in the Muslim community, by the way, divorce rates are going up. Why? Because they start for the wrong reasons. They're built upon faulty foundations, right? So they're not able to hold that pressure. They're not able to extend it. So it's kind of a lot. But if we looked at it with a sense that this is something that's permanent, I have to make this work only under you know, only under extreme circumstances Am I going to let this fall apart. Then you'll make it work and Chatelet side, you'll compromise to for the other person to compromise to make things work. Why

00:39:43--> 00:39:59

because at the end of the day, when I married this person for deed, they still got them and they're still looking for the same goal I'm looking for and we're helping each other get there and solve luck. And I'll end with one story because this is something that's a very, very touching story. And just to give you some background of the story

00:40:00--> 00:40:44

It's about upload them that will be a long time. Now before I talk about that, and what I want to get to the alone Tyler angle was someone who narrates the Hadith about the virtues of knowledge. Right? He's someone who traveled around the world seeking and teaching Islam. He had a lot of knowledge will be a long time. And he was overly enthusiastic about you know about the deen whenever it came to him. So whenever the Prophet sallallahu it was some parents off the unslotted with the mohabbatein right whenever the Prophet slicin came to Medina, every unsavoury every local of Medina hosted One of them was the one of the people that was expelled from Mecca travel was the those who

00:40:44--> 00:40:54

immigrated from Mecca. Right hosted them in their house and the problem so I sent him paired everyone, a brother from the unsought with a brother from the hygiene. Right. Who was the brother of

00:40:57--> 00:41:36

semantic data seems to be a little tight on. So not entirely. What is the Mahajan? Yes, not from Mecca. But from from person. Right? He was he was going around looking for the profit slice on them from prison. And he found the profit slice of them in the time whenever the problem is like someone had just made it to the dean. Right? Sort of someone's like some parents said man with the duck. Whenever I said mom gets to the house of the duck and this was before the I of the job had been revealed. Okay, the ISP job, the Command key job was not revealed until four years after hints. At this time the IFC judge had not been revealed. He sees oma de he walks into the house and she has a

00:41:36--> 00:42:13

cloth that's beat up. Right? It doesn't have much. You know, it doesn't, you know, it's got patches all over it stains all over it. She doesn't, you know, she has blisters on her hands. Right? And he feels sorry for him. She says when he says to her waist level goes up. And she says smiling with contentment. She says your brother up with the that has no need for this world. Right? So, so normally, a lot of times I wanted to get him home more often. So some man finds out that obligor that is fascinating to the man says I want lunch come to the house and you've got to serve the electric guy he wants to go, he brings him home for assistance, eat lunch with him, right. And then

00:42:13--> 00:42:27

at night, whenever I would have that wants to stand up and play piano, Ned said man will be a long time who wants to go to sleep, don't bother me with your car and things of that sort. You know, he forces him to sleep with his wife, right to be with his wife. And then they go to the profit slice.

00:42:28--> 00:43:04

And within that system, the peroxisome is what he's doing. Right. You know, he's taking me away from the army. He's taking me away from pm things of that sort. Right in the province. I seldom agreed with some man, he said barely allows right upon you. Your family has a right upon you, yourself has the right party. Right? So you have to give each one its due. Right. So your family has the right party. So that was your law. I know we can take from that, that he improved, because he's someone that listened to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So we can say from that, that he improved, but his financial situation was never really that great. Right? Oh my god, that will be a long time it

00:43:05--> 00:43:21

was someone who used to be around the Prophet solo license, from a very, very young age, a little girl that used to play the Muslims and things of that sort. And someone who grew up loving knowledge. Right? Now let's fast forward about 40 years.

00:43:22--> 00:43:25

That will be a long time I was about to die.

00:43:26--> 00:43:28

And he's with his wife Ruth of that.

00:43:29--> 00:43:38

Only that that will be a long time. I've never really tasted the sweetness of the studio, because although you can take from this a little bit of that was surely spending more time with her things of that sort. He never became a rich man.

00:43:39--> 00:43:41

And she senior husband.

00:43:42--> 00:43:47

And what does she say to her husband at that moment? She says to him, listen,

00:43:48--> 00:43:55

whenever you came to propose for me in this dunya, you asked my father for my head, and I accept it.

00:43:56--> 00:44:02

So she says to him, so ask Allah subhanho wa Taala for me to be your wife, and then

00:44:05--> 00:44:06

I want to be your wife and gentlemen.

00:44:08--> 00:44:46

They were both looking for the same goal right? Now you can take from that you could say, you know, that was probably just sweet emotional talk, right? When a person's leaving anyway, this light, they start to talk about this type of stuff. And everyone gets you know, everyone becomes nice, whatever death is taking place and things of that sort. This is probably why this was off. That's probably why she settled up. But guess what happens after that. When other than that passes away, she gets a proposal a marriage proposal? Yes, From who? From what Alya, even me, Sophia will be a lot of time who was the halifa of the Muslims. She gets a proposal. And while we have a long time, I'm with

00:44:46--> 00:44:59

someone who was wealthy. You know, he's someone who has status in the eyes of Muslims raised from Qatar and lucky those who wrote the way he's one of the companions of the messengers a little wiser, and he's sending a proposal to a lot of Thailand and listen to them.

00:45:00--> 00:45:08

sponsors, that will be a lot of time. She says, I cannot marry you, because I'm already engaged with the internet.

00:45:11--> 00:45:51

Unbelievable. Unbelievable. What was she thinking of? Where was her heart? Where was her mind? Where was her mission? It was with coming closer to a loss of hands, which Adam. And that marriage, even though it did not have the things that we would think make America successful and make a marriage good, it had that ingredient that cannot be taken away by any economic crisis that cannot be taken away by any aging process. It has one of the lowest pentatonic and you look for a person who's going to who's going to be whenever you marry a person, don't think about that person as just being your spouse in dystonia. Think about that person as being your spouse and paradise. Is this a person that

00:45:51--> 00:46:26

I can see getting to paradise? And we know in that agenda, if one person makes it to a higher level of Paradise from the family, what did they do it to the lower? What does the higher person go down to the lower one, no, come on up, they drag you up. If you have a family of righteous people, if you have rights as children, if you have a right to spouse, your wife is more righteous than you and you just made an agenda and she's up there and then for a dose, she will come down and get you and all of your kids in Charlottetown right. So whenever you look to get married, look for the person that is be fitting to you in this dunya and then the Acura I asked the last panel to either to bless us

00:46:26--> 00:46:37

all with fruitful and with good marriages and I asked the last kind of tailor to make us amongst the writers ourselves and we make the doc even from our childhood we consistently do make the door

00:46:38--> 00:46:45

open I haven't done it now we're going to be up to now for what to watch. I'm not in with subpoena email.

00:46:46--> 00:46:47

As well as you know the reality

00:46:49--> 00:46:49

subpoena email

00:46:51--> 00:46:52

as well as you know, liquidity atina

00:46:53--> 00:47:11

which I'm not in with subpoena Allah, Oh Allah grant us from our spouses and from our children, the coolness of our eyes, the source of the coolness of our eyes, and make us for that would appeal for the community of believers unrighteous enough to make us leaders in the community of the righteous does not come along.