Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
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don't find ourselves wasting away time that could be used in the worship of Allah. This is a time that maybe it's a strange blessing for some of us to that as difficult as the circumstances that we find ourselves having a lot of time to ourselves, and are busy with other things. And that might be creating all kinds of other trials for us. But in one sense, it may be a really good opportunity for us to get closer to Allah, and to spend more time with his book and contemplating and in prayer. So I pray that all of us make the most of this month and mend ourselves in whatever we need to in this time of reflection. Anyway, I want to continue with the hubbub that I started last week I was
telling you the equivalent of the 10 commandments in the previous scripture is given to us in Surah Al Assad surah, number 17, also called slotomania slot in the surah of the Israelites, the children of Israel, and this is from 23 to 40. And I started off talking about the first part of it number 23, where Allah has decreed that you should worship none except him. We just talked about that part. And that abu allah,
what's remarkable about that ayah is that Allah could have separated that ayah. And then, because that's the opening statement, and then you have all these other commandments that go separately. But what he did is he took the first of those commandments after worshiping him and he put it inside of the same ayah you put it within the same ion. Now this is important, because when Allah decides that something should be within the ayah that means that those ideas cannot be separated from each other, there are two sides of the same coin. Right? So what Allah is going to tell us in this ayah is actually an extension of worshiping himself, even though all the other acts of obedience are also
acts of worship to Allah. This one stands in a unique place because it's been placed right after the mention of Allah and within the same ayah and inside of the same ayah. And so what is that commandment? He says, what will ye they need Sunnah? and easy translation would be and when it comes to both parents the best. The excellence when it comes to both parents excellence. There's a few things to talk about here. First and foremost, I don't believe in any other scripture or any other religious tradition, there is the kind of emphasis on the rights of parents and the goodness we have to and I wouldn't even say rights, the goodness we have to give to our parents. Rights means that
you owe them something. Right if some means you're going out of your way to do your very, very best towards someone. And when Allah talks about people that are needy, he says they have How can maloom
They have a right. Right and the prophets of Salaam will tell us that our body has rights over us. And the spouse has rights over you. Right? Your Deen has rights over you, have
you, but the language of the Quran goes far above rights. It uses the word son, which is the very, very best that we can do. And he didn't say
do your best to both parents. The language here does not mention a verb. It says if if I were to try to translate when it comes.
That's what he says.
As if there's a kind of emphasis on this one concept, like it's on virtually no other concept in the Crown's commandments.
First of all, let's understand why that is then understand that commandment better. It's a loaded commandment. It's not a simple thing. But before we do, I want you to understand why is it so important? Allah azza wa jal has described multiple times in the Quran, that he's our Creator, but after us being us being created, it's the mother that had to carry the child burden after burden. And she had to physically bear the pains of carrying her son or daughter, and giving part of herself up giving part of her comfort of taking injuries on and almost dying while giving you and me birth. So our mothers experienced the kind of bleeding, the kind of pain, their body starts splitting open
so that we can come out of them. That's what they went through. So we could be born and what
he who's going to clean us, how are we going to stay safe we
reverse was the belly of our mother. And she was going through all of those pains. She
was the one who couldn't sleep at night, she was the one who was throwing up, she was the one who when she tasted food, it tasted like paper, she was the one that had all
of her entire time, they
only increased and as it increased, then how low
or in more pain did not decrease, it actually increased. She's more
as the days go by. and less it's it's ironic that the same child is becoming a heavier burden on her body. It's pulling on her spine. It's causing her all kinds of pain. And she's falling more in love with it. She's what she walks by a table corner, and it's shot
literally killing her every single day. And this is something that the mother does, with for no expectations of return. The mother doesn't want anything but
that's all she wants is for her baby to be saved. When she's praying. She's praying for this child, when she's when she's willing to wait for the child. Even if she doesn't want to eat she'll say no, I need to eat because the baby will get the food that
comes time to give the birth. And when she gives that birth. Then on the one hand you've got, you know people that are a mothers that are able to do a natural delivery which is painful enough as it is difficult enough as it is. But even during that the pains can be so intense nowadays people take epidurals right. And a lot of times the epidural goes in the wrong part of the spine, and they're not able to find it and they're getting injected multiple times. And now they've got back pains for life because they gave birth. Right and every time they get the hurt in that place, even years later, is a reminder of the
right that's and they no regrets if they have to do that all over again. They give birth to a child all over again. They take that pain. That's what a mother does. It's remarkable also that in the Quran, of those most profound one of his most profound names out of a man, in a Hadith, Pudsey, Allah describes that he named the mother's womb by his own name of a man, because the one the mother's womb is called Wham.
So there's a reason we have to appreciate first and foremost, our mothers, because they were doing stuff for us, before we even came out of her in this world. When we were at a cellular, we were cellular organism.
We were nothing more than just a pound of law, not even a pound, just some ounces of flesh. At that point, our mother was in service to us taking care of us. And this is similar in a very limited sense to what Allah is doing for us constantly, constantly providing for us constantly caring for us, constantly protecting us, and we're not doing anything for him in return. We can't. We can't. We're not even most of us that are being taken care of by Allah.
this is why there's a connection drawn. If you want to appreciate a lie in the unseen who's done so
should be your own
Not even in the unseen, you could see what she did for you. The logical connection between these two things is, if a person cannot find in themselves the urge to do their
mother, then how are they going to do their very best towards Allah? How are they going to because the mother did that for them? So how are they not going to be able to if they can't even, you know, think about creation? How are they going to get to thank Allah, this is kind of extract
Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam, millennia scrutinise lineage karela, someone who's not grateful that people can't be grateful to Allah. Right? And the first part
this is why perhaps the famous Hadith of the Prophet slice of them where a person comes to him and says, Who should I who do I need to be the best to? And he says, oh, mocha, mocha mocha three times. He kept asking Who else who else and he kept saying, your mother, your mother, your mother, and eventually came to your father, right? So there is a special emphasis played paid on the mother in the Quran. Also, Allah will say be the best of both parents. And then he immediately they'll start talking about the mother in several occasions, and the pregnancy, especially. Now, why doesn't let talk about the pregnancy, this is important too. Because you and I don't remember it. We can only be
told about it. The Things Your dad does for you. The dad may be provided pays the bills, maybe the dad may paid for your college tuition, maybe the dad bought your clothes, maybe the dad nurtured you, maybe the dad protected you maybe that these other things, right? Those you can remember. But the the main
where she gave part of herself up, you and I can't even remember that. We won't remember those days. So Allah goes out of his way to remind us of what the mother does. And that doesn't mean we don't remember what the father does. But it's as if Allah wants us to recall ourselves, What did your father do? How did what did he do for you now, so this is this is
as I move forward, I know that and I wanted to give this in, you know, on make it live on social media, particularly also because
well, principle and the commandment in our religion, but life isn't that simple.
Life is not that simple for everybody. So not everybody had parents, for example, or you have people in the world whose parents abandoned them. Or you have had parents that have abused their children, you have parents that have beat their children tortured their children, that's happened, that's a reality. You have people that have psychologically tormented their children, your parents that have tried to do their best in their own mind, but actually, they didn't do a good job at all. Right? So you've got
friends, when it comes to parents will do
is, the problem becomes when we were talking about the word of Allah, and a person, as soon as they hear the word of Allah, they're thinking of how it does not apply to them.
The thing to do first is
circumstances and how it applies
what situation a human being finds themselves in.
There is no exception to these
in which they apply applies differently. And just to give you just some comfort, when it comes to that, you have to be able to tell Allah
at best, I did my very best for some people, their very best, maybe to stay away from an abusive parent.
And they should be able to tell
but when they're close to their parents, their parents became so abusive, that made them sick. And they had to literally stay away for their own mental health and sometimes their physical health, for their physical well being. That doesn't mean they get to meet their parents or not do the best they can, they now have to work with doing the best they can from a distance.
Sometimes for financial situation, financial reasons, a family's not doing well. And one of their children has to travel to a different country, or a different city, or a different place where they have to go get a job. And they have to provide they have to provide for their parents to
and they're doing
Give her a glass of water because I'm all the way here working. But you know,
life in this is
that you can do more than that so you don't have to live with get
is ulundi Allah created different circumstances for different people. So even
a leader let's just
not a lie he was in the highest place.
No matter what situation we find ourselves in
others the issue though is, am I able to answer a lie and say I am doing the very best I can? And that's a that's a, there can be an arrogant answer to that for you and me and say you're
actually doing my best. Am I so confident that Allah will interrogate me? And I'll say, Yep, no, there's no way I could have done any better. There's nothing I could have done more. That's it.
I have to ask myself, and I'm getting ahead of myself, but actually
knows, and he does.
So circumstances, he says,
Come after talking about the parents, which
knows better what goes on inside yourselves. In takuna, Salah hain if in fact you are good, he knows
what your situation is he
when he says we know.
And for those who keep coming,
forgiving, he's always forgiving towards them. So he at the end of this commit,
but you and if you are
about to, and if you keep it, you keep checking yourself, and identifying your faults. By the way, if you and I fail to find any fault in what we're doing, that's also a really big problem. Because we weren't created without fault. Right? And
better because there's always something you and I could be doing better. There's
no, there's no escape from that. And the moment we become self
reliant to some other part of the fun, because
then you know what, for that was a coup and forsaken, who?
don't declare yourself so righteous, so pure, he knows better, who has stuck, why and who doesn't. You don't get that gauge he does. You don't get that measure he does. So now let's let's go back into these iaat. He says Be when it comes to
Mr. Kiba, even if they reach old age around you, and especially when they reach old age around you whether they reach that older yellow Honda and the calculator suggests that it gets extremely difficult to deal with parents as they get older and older and older. In fact, in many ways, the roles reverse Quran says and Sophia seen woman Mohammed who knew Nikki's who feel healthy, and I archelon whoever we give old age to we start reversing them in creation. We start rewinding them, you know, taking away from that, what does that mean? That means when a child is young, and they don't get their way, they become stubborn, they have a temper tantrum, they don't want to listen to
any reason. They want to throw a fit. They want to they become unreasonable, and you know, aggressive, unnecessarily aggressive, they have crazy mood swings. And for some people listening to this, like that sounds like my mom right now. That sounds like my dad right now. When they get to a certain age, then it becomes easily agitated. They can see things and not realize that they're saying something bad, they may not take anything back, you know, children can get so angry and say I hate you. You never do anything for me, they can say that kids brains aren't fully developed. So when they get emotionally worked up, they can say crazy things. You know, and guess what happens
when parents get older, they'll say some crazy things.
All kinds of stuff will come about and you'll take it to heart
back and say their brain hasn't fully formed yet. And they
and I need to help them get through this. So they get better control over their emotions and deal with a child differently. Right. And you develop a kind of patience to deal with it. The same way a lot particularly mentioned, as parents get older, that you might have extra difficulty dealing with them. And or it may not be about their temper, it may be about their health. Maybe they need constant care. Maybe it's not even about their temper. Maybe it's just their commentary. Maybe they're constantly throwing a comment that insults you or jabs you and they just get a kick out of it. You know, maybe they're always comparing you to a sibling, maybe always good, they're doing
something hurtful and they know it but they just they're used to doing it and they just want to see a reaction out of you. And the moment you get a reaction to say this is what Islam teaches you
the pseudo Islam Why do you even pray? Why do you even read a job? Why do you even have a beard if you're gonna talk to your parents like this? So this is such a such a good old trap. And then when you fall in there like
that can that can happen parents can get in that habit. It's possible and they maybe they're in the habit they don't even realize they're
Doing it that can happen to some people.
When it comes to parents, and especially, you know, the reality is if you if you look around at different situations of people and, you know, people
have comments on social media or other places about their stories with their parents, and a lot of times, you know, we don't understand the Islamic tradition and what the rights of parents actually are, we just understand you have to be your very best. And people assume that this means they have absolute rights. Right, which isn't the case in Islam? That's actually not the case in Islam.
Right, and do we have to do our very best to them? Yes. So
I'm gonna look at how this was applied historically. And what our tradition says about it, what the sacred tradition says about it. But let's, so let's move along before I wrap this up for today. And
don't ever say to them now off in Arabic is the expression of I've had enough. So let me translate often American English.
Anything else like that? Any other gesture that way? Everything's okay.
that kind of where you express frustration, or
anything is doing this.
That's what's not allowed. For taco lahoma. Often, let me give you another translation of your parents tell you something, are you having conversation with them, and you will
just give them a look.
Or you roll your eyes like
all of that off. He says, when they come to you in old age one or two of them, what one or both, then find out taco lahoma often, don't give them attitude. Don't give your parents attitude, that's not your mom saying it. That's not your dad saying it. That's a lesson. And he's saying it in the same ayah that he said, You shall worship none but me and your first act of worship to none but me. This is you humbling yourself to Allah, that your face is not going to give an attitude, your eyes are not going to give an attitude, your mouth is not going to give an attitude, your exhale is not going to give an attitude. You walking away storming and slamming a door is not going to give,
you're not going to give that attitude to your parents because you are a slave of Allah. It has nothing to do with your parents
or slave of Allah, that I'm a slave of Allah. That's me forget that because we're dealing with a person and that person might get under our skin. That person
might feel like they're being unfair. And we forget that or we start thinking we're just dealing with a person, you're not dealing with a person, you're actually dealing with Allah and Allah told you how to deal with them.
So you will not make passive aggressive comments to them.
You're not going to make sarcastic remarks to them. You're not
in your head.
Your face not from your words, you will not do it.
I No, no, no
someone with a with a verb cone. But it's also use when you talk about someone.
Nope, that's, that's gone. We can't and if you and I have done it, and we have done it, then take a step back. Because Allah is worship, Allah has decreed that we worship none except our master. And then he drew this line
that says book. That's why I mentioned earlier with elemental lion earlier, the word of lies in the highest place for Latika Lama often wallet and aroma and don't scold them. Don't yell at them. Don't talk back to them. Don't become aggressive with them.
And yes, I already mentioned there are cases of abuse. Yes, there are many, many cases of abandonment, abandonment, there's even cases of criminal behavior. There's all of that. But first, we understand what the law says. Then we understand how it applies to those crazy situations. After first balance, well,
scold them, don't yell at them. Don't become aggressive with them. We'll call novena colon karema and speak to both of them in dignified noble fashion. Don't talk to them like you talk to your friends.
You have to be generous in your speech with your parents. You have to be noble in your this column. This column in Arabic is generosity. And Carmina in Arabic is honorific.
Meaning respectful tone, respectful words, when you speak to your parents. So for example, if I call one of my children, and they say
there needs to be a change of tone. This is speaking respectfully, when somebody is talking to you, and you're not even looking at them and talking to them. That's not respect is it? He says, speak to them in respectful fashion. When you call them or talk to them, and you use words for them. Sometimes people use words for them that are like their name.
At some peak, some kids calling their parents by the name. Hey, no matter what you have for lunch, excuse me, Nicola, Nicola and Karima speak to them in a respectful tone. And that's not respectful. Now, it can be that in different cultures, different things are considered respectful, that are respectful that some things are universal, and things like our facial expressions, the language we use the tone, we use, the words we choose to use, how we choose to respond. If I if I, if I told if my, my father told me to do something that I should do go get medicine, or go get whatever, I say, okay?
That's our respectful response.
Yes, as soon as I can, or get it at this time, would that be okay? Like, you have to go out of your way to treat parents in language with royalty,
with a kind of royalty, that and this is, this is not an easy thing to do, I can, I can tell you, we live in a time where, because of the you know, this is the last thing I'll say, because it's over my time. And we are we are post Industrial Revolution, where we live in a new economy that the world never faced before. In the old economies of the world, people had time to spend with their kids. So they developed kinds of relationships, and they were part of their nurturing. And parents would spend time with them, teach them manners, eat with them sleep with that they would do these things. But not
on a tablet, when a new
abuser interact with each other the way they used to. They don't nurture each other the way they used to. They don't develop deeper relationships the way they used to. They don't we don't have
time in our kids never learned what it means to be respectful. And
because a lot of the parents, they saw exactly the same kind of behavior they have towards their parents, and now
we're doing it to them, because they've seen no different. So we want
the modern economy to we didn't know
what they were expecting more than we're giving out. So if our if you find when you hear this hope that your children aren't respectful, they're not respectful, then it's a two way street, then maybe there needs to, we need to start with, you know, not just, you know, taking this idea and slapping them across the face and saying look a little less as every human being needs to look at themselves, the parent needs to look at themselves the child.
that's why I had an attitude, if you really think
that we don't have an excuse, but the parents also have to have Rama for their children. So when their children are misbehaving, then they have to lovingly show them how to come back to, you know, a healthy place. Why? Because it's not because parents need respect. Because if you're believing parents, then you know that a lot of respect for parents right next to worshiping Him.
Right, and if your children are doing that, they're not just in trouble with you.
If your children are doing that they're in big trouble with the law. And you love your kids too much to what stand by as they are digging their hole deep in front of Allah. We don't want We don't want any of our kids to be in trouble with their master. So if they can't be if yelling and scolding and disciplining is not the way to go then maybe a loving way to bring them back into the fold. Maybe it was
easier kids from being disrespectful to shoe
to be because something is making them disrespectful.
I shall I will spend some time on and some some people are wondering you know, because it's normal bond time probably should be about Ramadan is coming, let's get into gear etc. You're gonna get plenty of out on the internet anyway. So I'm okay with that. What I am and I'm going to be doing a lot of on broadcast through the month of Ramadan, but the whole bus series I'll stay with these commandments and charlo Taylor, and try to cover as much of this as we can because I think we all need it. barakallahu li walakum for the Quranic Hakeem, when the family was coming, it was shocking.
hamdu lillahi wa salatu wa salam O Allah anybody who lives in Osaka, Osaka Mahatma bien, Mohamed el amin,
rather early he was a huge Marine Corps surgeon who came
out to be let him in a gym in Oklahoma. So lunarlon Latina amanu sallu alayhi wasallam Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Ali Mohamed Camus Allah tala for him.
I mean in the Camino, Majid Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Ali Mohamed Omar Abdullah Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim ethanolamine in the middle Majid about Allah. Allah, Allah, Allah, Allah.
Allah, Allah Akbar, Allah Yamamoto stone, okay masala solder to kind of mini Nikita mahkota
Austin, hit the button