Holding a Grudge

Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

Episode Notes

share this pageShare Page

Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan highlights the passage from Surah Al Hijr which forms the heart of this Khutbah.

“Do not place in our hearts any Ghil for those who believe.”

What is Ghill? The Ustadh provides an elaborate and explicit explanation for the same in the context of the Arabic language and also in light of our Deen.

The forgiveness of Allah cannot be matched or even be compared to the forgiveness of humans. Why do we indulge in Ghill? It is because we cannot let go of the depth of the problem and hence, do not want to let our guard down and be exposed to another attack. This baggage that we carry with us may make us bitter people which is not a pleasant scenario.

What is the solution to this predicament? How do we get rid of the ill feelings and grudges that we harbor in our lives endlessly? Listen intently to get enlightened so that we are the dwellers of Paradise.

 

Episode Transcript

© No part of this transcript may be copied or referenced or transmitted in any way whatsoever. Transcripts are auto-generated and thus will be be inaccurate. We are working on a system to allow volunteers to edit transcripts in a controlled system.


00:00:03--> 00:00:21

Officially suddenly, were suddenly Emily Wagner, Dr. tamela, Sunny, who called me up and I mean, there are many places in the Quran where Allah describes the entrance into heaven, the entrance into paradise for those who protected themselves from making a lot and happy 13 I start by asking Allah that He includes all of us among those people as we meet him.

00:00:24--> 00:01:04

But in lots of different places describe different aspects of the wonders of gender. And of course, he starts when some in a common place here in sort of hedger as he also does, somewhat similar in solar off, he says, The people of taqwa the people who protected themselves and the people who were cautious, and the people were who were aware of Allah's presence and how they carried out their lives, these people are going to find themselves surrounded fee Janata noir union gardens and waterfalls. So this beautiful scene that you know, of course, people go to gardens and waterfalls to relax to calm, right? You don't go there for work, you go there to get away from your stresses,

00:01:04--> 00:01:39

right. So if somebody is having, you know, heart problems, or somebody who's having depression or whatever, they're told to go take a walk in a garden or go to a beach or something like that, because the sight of water is very common for human beings. So the idea of Jannat in our urine is not just physically the guard is in the water, but the effect that it has on on ourselves, our surroundings definitely have an effect on ourselves. So in other words, Athena fija, nothing more you Hello, hi. And that's how you make sense of the next I also, hello, happy salami, amin, enter peacefully Enter Enter safely. Salaam also means safety, and Armenian and in a state of peace. So

00:01:39--> 00:02:12

safety and peace and security. What are these things mean? There are two dimensions of it. Some say the external is salam, and the internal is the Iman. In other words, you're you're no longer in any danger from the outside. There's nothing dangerous about the outside. And even internally, there's nothing bothering you, you're internally at peace also, you know, sometimes there's no physical danger around you. There's nothing actually bothering you, you know, in terms of the weather, or, you know, the you're in dangerous neighborhood or something, you're in the comfort of your home, everything around you is peaceful, but you're not at peace inside. So you may have salam, but you

00:02:12--> 00:02:23

may not have, for example. So Allah says in Jenna, it's not just that we're surrounded by beauty. And that beauty is that artificial, it's actually truly safe. You know, like, when I used to live in New York City,

00:02:25--> 00:03:00

things have gotten safer. Now. I don't know anymore, because I haven't been there back in a while. But you know, Central Park is really beautiful, but also really dangerous. You're surrounded in a garden, but you don't know what's gonna happen around the bush. So there's a certain hour you just don't go there. Right? So the idea of our surroundings truly being safe. And then on top of that us actually feeling safe and secure within not just from dangers, but from emotions that can wreak havoc inside of ourselves. So who have you said amin, amin, and then Allah highlights? What is kind of you know, it's rarely highlighted in this way. It's only a couple of places. But I've chosen to

00:03:00--> 00:03:41

highlight the passage from SoTL hedger with you. Allah says when azana Murphy saluted him in healing in one other tsujimoto Cavalier, and this is the heart of Bihar today, this ayah in particular, what's happening in Ghana, in this ayah Allah says that we ourselves remove what whatever they had going on in their chess, that has to do with the Arabic word use the scale, and that's going to take some time for me to explain. For now, I'll just say ill feelings or bad feelings, Allah says he will pull out bad feelings from our chests. And then we'll be sitting across from each other one and brothers sitting across from each other, and our solo rimutaka Abilene on couches, beds, cushions

00:03:41--> 00:04:17

facing one another, actually facing one another. So let's take a step back and first understand the word of him a little bit. And then we'll appreciate what's going on inside of this is the word he actually has several, you know, what happens in the Arabic language is there are there are words that are, you know, like ill feeling or hate or animosity, these kinds of words. They're abstract, but they're associated with images. And if you can visualize those images, it'll help you better understand the abstract idea. So let me give you these images that are associated with the root letters. They are Heartland, lamb and lamb. And Alberto, no Dr. Drew, they you know, when you when

00:04:17--> 00:04:54

somebody wears armor, the armor is made of metal. And you know, back in the day, especially armors made of metal, you can't just put that on your skin, it'll scorch your skin. So you have to have a layer of cushioned clothes. And it can't just be regular clothes because the metal is too heavy. It'll start scraping your skin, even through the cloth. So you have to have this cushioned foamy cloth that you first wear and you completely surround yourself from it. And then you put the armor on. And that first layer was called a gala and its purpose was first to completely secure you and then to be reinforced with armor on on top of that. In other words, you can't do without it. You

00:04:54--> 00:04:59

it's absolute necessity and it's something that completely envelops you and the purpose of it is to protect you, Masami

00:05:00--> 00:05:37

masahito Doodle, they also use the word Allah and for original for, as you know, back in the day the soldier had armor to protect himself. And then they used to have, they can't leave the neck exposed because the the the guy fighting him could strike strike the sword on the neck. So they could have a helmet, they could have armor, but there's still some gap here. So they used to put a color here, a metal color, that is going to make sure that the neck doesn't get struck, but that color could move. And that could also cause cuts. So they had to keep it secure in one place. So they will put nails into the into the neck color, that it secures it to the or the rest of the armor, those nails that

00:05:37--> 00:06:10

make sure it doesn't move from its place, again, to protect your life, those nails that go deep inside, and they're not just going to come loose in the middle of battle, because nobody's going to be fighting a battle to the death and like amens came loose, I got to tighten this again, that's not gonna happen. It's got to stay where it is. They were they were called actually understand. And also those nails were called alkalyn. It's also used so so far, the implication of this word is something that is there to protect you. And something that is very secure, and you can't do without it and it surrounds you, right? These are the implications of the word, then it's used for when a tree starts

00:06:10--> 00:06:46

going bad, like a tree is not getting the nourishment that it needs, and it starts going sour and some some liquid starts seeping out of the tree. And it starts going, you know, and it's squeezes out of it. That's actually called alcohol. Also, you know that bad flu says it has to do with something sour, or something that's gone bad. That's no longer good. As under Eros philosophy, they say Allahu Allah shall when you know, I don't know if you guys do this anymore, but I know that we do Pakistan, India, Bangladesh, etc, they put a lot of oil in the hair, right, the mother sits you down and just kind of gives you an oil massage. When the oil goes deep inside the head, and it's not

00:06:46--> 00:07:19

coming out no matter how much shampoo you use. That's actually one of the oil has gone deep in and it won't come out now. It's penetrated inside of the head. And finally the lead. And now we'll get to the point where the word lead actually means extreme thirst shouldn't happen. Well, how about extreme heat, extreme thirst. And you can appreciate that all of those meanings are actually connected to each other, somebody who's wearing armor, it's not comfortable to wear. And of course back in the day, if they were armor, they're going to go fight in the desert. It's going to be extremely hot, and it's going to become something very very uncomfortable for them and they're gonna

00:07:19--> 00:07:56

start seeping sweat like the tree seeps right it's an uncomfortable state, but they're doing so to protect themselves. From it you get the word that is used in the Quran that Allah says in heaven when we go to heaven, Allah make us millimeters from those people. Allah will remove him from our hearts and he'll oblivion will happen to Shana like it's, it's when you have a grudge against somebody. When you have an animosity towards somebody when you hate somebody. Sometimes there are feelings, you know, believers or less as a spectrum minyama T one and you all became brothers by a loss blessing. You all we all became brothers, Islam brought us together, and we have a common love

00:07:56--> 00:08:31

among each other. But let's not be idealistic and even our Deen is not idealistic. It's realistic. Sometimes conflicts happen between Muslims. Sometimes conflicts happen between family members, between siblings between spouses, divorces happen. Sometimes conflicts happen between Sahaba companions of the Prophet Alayhi Salaam in argument against each other and develop resentment towards it happened. You know, there are incidents and even in the syllabus and we think you know, they were all just one united people and there was no ill feelings ever among them. There are incidents where you know, even though Mahajan who are Indian SAR who fought side by side, they would

00:08:31--> 00:09:03

go into battle. And they'd fight like brothers side by side and on the way back, they're standing at a well trying to drink water, and one accidentally pushes into the other. And they start beating each other up and it happened. It happened, these kinds of things happen. But even if we're not talking about the Sahaba, the language value, the idea that ill feelings are these kinds of feelings that get deeply penetrated inside us. That can take root, that that's a natural thing. It does occur. Like for example, I want you to appreciate, you know, the use of Elisa Lam's brothers,

00:09:04--> 00:09:47

who caused so much pain to the family for so many years. And finally, when the families reunited, they apologize for everything that they did. They apologized. Now, you know, it's that far to Allah is different from asking another human being to forgive when Allah forgives, and if you accept your Toba all your past is removed, everything is gone. But if you've been hurting me for 10 years, and then you came in said, Sorry, and even if I cried, and I forgive you, does that mean I forgot those 10 years? No. Is that memory sometimes come back and hurt me again? Sure. Is it gonna recover? And you say, No, I thought you forgive me? No, it doesn't work that way. Because human beings are not

00:09:47--> 00:10:00

capable of forgiving other human beings in the same way that a lot and forgive the forgiveness of human beings is something else, and the forgiveness of a lie something else. And sometimes human beings aren't even able to forgive as a matter of fact,

00:10:00--> 00:10:38

Father Yeah, you know, Yahoo told them some fastest finger locomobi I can't even ask a lot of prayer. I'm not even gonna pray for you right now. I will though, but not right now right now I'm still in a very bad mood. So in other words, he couldn't get himself to make immediate his stepfather for them for it for his his own sons. You find the case of Muhammad Rasulullah sallallahu ala mein a mercy Allah, loving mercy for all of humanity, all people, his own uncle when he was killed in battle, and him did what heinous crime she did, she chewed off of his corpse. Later on his became Muslim. She took she accepted Islam, Allah has forgiven all of our sins, but the prophet SAW

00:10:38--> 00:11:14

them couldn't face her. He couldn't see it, because what she's done is left too much of a scar, there's a him there, there's, there's a feeling there that you can't just get rid of. So this happens. And the reason I wanted to bring this to your attention is sometimes these feelings are like that nail that got drilled into the armor, or you feel like you have to hold on to that grudge, or that feeling, or that protectiveness, you want to keep a distance from a person like that, because you feel that if you let your guard down, that you'll get attacked again, that you'll be hurt again. So it becomes sort of a self defense mechanism for you. And even though you know, when

00:11:14--> 00:11:48

we don't understand these things, we come to people that are that have suffered years of abuse, or that have been wronged in those terrible ways. And we just don't just forgive, just forgive, it's okay. Well, you don't know what the depth of the problem is. And you know, we can encourage each other to forgive but actually only Allah azza wa jal knows who is capable and who is not capable. And as a matter of fact, for believers, you know, this, this, this another variation of this same, actually, this expression is identical and sorted out of when this was revealed, you know, later on among the Sahaba, there were conflicts, and our little yellow one who used to make dua Yala, make me

00:11:48--> 00:12:23

and those who have had a disagreement with make us a part of this door, that you know, that this, this rail is removed from us. So this is a very real thing that you're not able to get rid of that, you know, in this world, that doesn't mean that the person you have ill feelings towards, or the person who's hurt you or that grudge, or that pain that they caused you that you're not able to forget that every time you see them, you're reminded of it and it triggers those memories, all of that stuff, all of that baggage that you're carrying inside of you that it makes you a bad person. It doesn't mean that your heart isn't good. Or if you truly were a believer that you should just

00:12:23--> 00:12:59

forgive allows origin gave us room to have these feelings. He even gave the profits room to have those feelings and ally even told us that those feelings can become very painful, they can become a heavy armor that you're always wearing around you. Because when someone's wearing armor, they're not comfortable. These are not comfortable feelings that a human being lives with. And they and it's very difficult to let them go. And they can make you they can start rotting away at you too. And the law says it is on judgment day one as Anna Murphy saluted him and then we will pull away from them, whatever they had going on in their chest of any kind of them. This is the worst case scenario

00:12:59--> 00:13:34

villains. Other things too, by the way, will you know the discomfort of Hill. And by the way, a hole comes from the same word, which means to cheat, to cheat somebody or to take more than your share. And those two things are related. Because sometimes you feel these feelings towards someone because you feel they did what they shouldn't have done, they took more than their share. Or they cheated you in some way. Or they deceived you in some way. Or you know, they wronged you in some way. And so those two words are related to each other. Now, this, this idea that Allah pulls it away is pretty powerful. Allah didn't just say when they go on judgment day, they're not going to have any bad

00:13:34--> 00:14:14

feelings. He literally said and azana we will pull it out, we will yank it out, pull it up. The word nothing in Arabic is used for something that was clinging, clinging on to something like You know how sometimes there's meat that's clinging on to a bone and it won't come off. And it's really hard to peel it off. Or sometimes there's fungus that grows on a tree, and it doesn't come off easily. That's actually natural. The idea of pulling that off, that doesn't easily come out. Or the extraction the slow extraction of honey is also called naza. The idea is this is something that's inside it's deep inside and only ally can remove it. Like you might not even be capable of removing

00:14:14--> 00:14:53

it. Allah Himself intervenes in the IRA and says, No Zanna. mokulua mineral there are other ways of expressing this a mafia kulu bohemian Ren Yama isn't there's not going to be any real on that day. Nope, he didn't say it that way. The same way I you have to appreciate that even though you may be in a position to forgive someone and you may have forgiven you may have forgiven then don't beat yourself up if you forgiven but not forgotten. Because forgiving and forgetting are two different things. Now the other dimension of him. The other dimension of him is that in our relationships even though you know not not the worst, the grudges and you've you've parted ways with some people or

00:14:53--> 00:15:00

whatever. You know, maybe there are people there's a couple who got divorced. And the you know, Allah says let unsulphured levina come Don't forget

00:15:00--> 00:15:34

Got to do good between each other, even if you part ways, but sometimes it's not that it's very ugly, right. And even years later, somebody mentions the others name, and they're like, Ah, you know, and they get upset. I can't believe you mentioned their name or whatever. And of course, if you see them anywhere, like if you see someone you've had a disagreement with, even at a grocery store at a restaurant, you all of a sudden don't feel like eating, I can't even see their face. It reminds me of all the bad stuff that happened. It gives you anxiety and panic attacks, what happens in the ayah, he says, we will remove the scale, and then they will be brother and they will be like

00:15:34--> 00:16:06

brothers, and they'll be sitting face to face with each other. As we'll remove the carbon which is impossible. When you have those kinds of feelings. You can't be chillin and relaxed and feel like rather than when you're in front of someone who's got all this baggage, all this history with you, right. But now let's talk about people that we have good relationships with, not people that we've have had fights with, or parted ways with or that have hurt us, or we've heard them, or maybe we hurt them, but they weren't able to forgive, or we hurt them and they overreacted. It could be any number of things, right. But other than that, you have relationships of all kinds, you know, their

00:16:06--> 00:16:25

parents here who have a relationship with their kids, spouses, have relationships with siblings have relationships with each other. And those relationships are not perfect. There are things that your brother or sister does is extremely annoying to you. You can't stand it. There are things that your spouse does that you find really agitating, and you just have to learn to live with it. And every time she does it, you're like,

00:16:28--> 00:16:30

what, nothing, nothing.

00:16:31--> 00:16:59

And it's there, you just have to live with it. This is also a kind of an agitation, some some you know, something annoying that you are just learning to live with. And ally is telling us that in for example, with the spouse, the description of the spouse in Indiana is assuaging Mahara purified spouses and purification there, it doesn't just mean in a spiritual sense, it actually means that all of our relationships in general, are going to have removed all the things we found agitating.

00:17:00--> 00:17:36

Like some of you are agitated by the smallest of things like you know, you're just, I can't stand how my sister sells manually. Every time she opens her mouth, I just want to punch the wall or something, you have these issues, those feelings will go away, you won't have those agitations anymore. You won't have ill feelings carried inside you anymore. And so Allah mentioned first gardens and waterfalls and heaven and that's great, and we're at peace. But a lot also teaches us that our peace and our calm and our state of you know, being happy also has to do with the people that we surround ourselves with. And so I come to the next part, the last part of this course. And

00:17:36--> 00:18:16

that's the profound law in the Quran. When I touch Alfie lubaina Hillel, Idina Amano Do not place in our hearts, a hill, which I just explained, for those who believed, do not allow a hill to come to that place the hill in our hearts, for those who believed this is an important data for us to remember that, yes, some of it might already be there. And we didn't make the right about that. But we asked the Gylfi, alumina, as in film, oh, Stockwell also, going forward. Yeah. Don't allow any further grudges. There's whatever I have, I wish I didn't have but don't allow any further grudges or these grudges to escalate in my heart. This is why we make even for this life, because it's a

00:18:16--> 00:18:54

difficult thing for a believer to carry. This is the month of Ramadan. And this is the month that we should try to think about, what is it that's eating away at us? You know, and what is it that's, you know, which relationships there are in which maybe we acknowledge we did something wrong, we crossed a line, we wrong somebody else. And we need to go and ask for forgiveness. But even when you do ask for forgiveness, no one thing you know, they say, in therapy, you can only control your side of the street. Even if you go and apologize to someone for what you did wrong. That doesn't mean that everything's fine. Don't expect from them, that they're totally okay with you now. You don't go

00:18:54--> 00:19:24

apologize to them with an expectation. The only reason you should apologize to someone is for yourself. You have to acknowledge you did something wrong. And you have to admit that you cross this line. And here's where you are. You're sorry. I'm sorry, I did this. I own it. But whether you forgive or not whether you decide to dismiss because, you know, it's really hard for us to humble ourselves and say I'm sorry, it's difficult to do. And when you finally go and do it and they say you think I care

00:19:25--> 00:19:27

and they just throw it in your face.

00:19:28--> 00:19:31

Man, I'm not sorry at all. Actually, I take it back.

00:19:34--> 00:20:00

No, there really is there's whether Allah removes it for them or not. It's not up to you. Your words do not change anything. We don't change hearts. Our apologies, don't change hearts. Our behavior doesn't change hearts. You making up for something you did wrong is you doing it for yourself, because you did something wrong for your conscience. But that does not mean that somebody else's heart will change.

00:20:00--> 00:20:05

You know what happens with us? I said, Sorry, I even got you ice cream. I don't know why you're still mad.

00:20:07--> 00:20:32

Well, no, that doesn't work, it doesn't work like that you could get ice cream, you get a truck of ice cream, it will make a difference. Until that that person deals with their friend and ally removes it for them, then you can't have expectations. And the moment you start having expectations, it actually means you're not genuinely sorry. Anyway, in so many relationships, you say sorry, or somebody else's sorry to you. And you're still in a bad mood and then an hour later, like, you know what?

00:20:33--> 00:21:03

No, no, I'm not sorry at all. And they go back to their old ways. You know? And then you realize that was just a Ramadan fever. You know, Ramadan is approaching. So what do people do? Hey, it's the month of Ramadan, you have to get close to Allah subhanho wa Taala. I just wanted to say if I've ever heard you, they know they've hurt you. But they say if I've ever heard you, if that's like, they know that they know the entire list of what they said and did. But if by some 0.001% chance I ever said something that hurt your feelings. May Allah forgive me. And may you forgive me.

00:21:04--> 00:21:06

And then you don't write back.

00:21:07--> 00:21:08

You just say, well, it comes around.

00:21:09--> 00:21:16

When you don't write back. Oh, no, it's okay. I forgive you can't get yourself to do. Like, I'm not going to lie and say, there's no problem.

00:21:17--> 00:21:31

Or if you do respond, you say, Well, I forgive you. But that doesn't mean that I forgot what happened. I'm sorry. It's not easy for me to let go of what happened. If you say something like that. And then in response, they say, Oh, yeah, well, I haven't forgotten what you did either. And then they start.

00:21:33--> 00:21:33

Right?

00:21:34--> 00:22:06

This can sometimes this deal on both sides. Don't artificially try to remove it. Don't say things you don't mean limiter coluna. monitor for everyone. But you say what you don't mean don't say things expecting from people say things expecting from Allah zildjian. That's it. A good way for you to apologize is look, whether you forgive me or not, whether you did, whether whether you decide that we can be back to normal again or not. That's not the point. I wanted to admit that I've done something wrong. I wanted to admit that I crossed a line that I should not have crossed and I'm truly sorry for it. And I don't expect a response.

00:22:07--> 00:22:42

I don't expect anything in return. This is actually your this is your trying to remove the hell from your own heart. This is you removing the hell from your own heart this so we when we make dua to Allah will not adelphia will not be now he Latina Armando, do not place in our hearts hill towards those who will who believed, then you have to decide what is it that you're able to overcome? What is it that you're able to forgive? What is it that you're able to ask forgiveness for genuinely, genuinely, not artificially, just saying sorry, to someone isn't genuine. And if you're able to do that from your heart, then it means something, then you've actually truly made that door out to

00:22:42--> 00:23:16

Allah to so May Allah azza wa jal make us genuine in our relationships, and may allow us to remove if our heel isn't removed and dystonia May Allah azza wa jal certainly remove all of it in the ark era from all of us because that is where that is essentially what truly matters. And last thing I shared with you from solara on the same subject, is that people make it into general all the way. And the people that used to have a grudge with each other didn't talk to each other parted ways from each other, standing next to each other. And they both together in that same is Al Hamdulillah. And that he had Anna Lee has Iwakuni, Natalia Lola and had Allah Alhamdulillah, the one who guided us

00:23:16--> 00:23:49

all the way this all the way to this, we could not have guided ourselves had it not been for guidance, they took their path you took your path doesn't mean your path is agenda and there is this agenda. Just because you don't get along with someone doesn't mean they're going to hell, or they're not guided or they're not good, that it's okay. There are sometimes people that don't get along and they're all on their own journey. And we allow them to grant all of us gender, male or social grant all of us forgiveness. Even if you have an you know, bad feelings towards someone, you should never wish that they are answerable to allow on Judgement Day, that's too much. That's whatever they did

00:23:49--> 00:24:23

to you and donia is too much for you to ask Allah hold them to account in the camera. Just you know, you should just trust a lot of justice and let that go. And that's again, part of you letting go of the hint that you have. This is a great month for a lot to expand our chest is a great month for a lot to give us common ease in our hearts, you know, and so I pray that Allah azza wa jal does that for us that our reputation and our engagement with the Quran are a reflection on the Quran, our worship of Allah, it softens our hearts not just towards him, but to those around us as well. barakallahu li walakum fucoxanthin Hakeem, when finally it was decreed Hakeem

00:24:27--> 00:24:37

al hamdu lillahi wa kafa wa salatu wa salam O Allah de Latina Safa, Susana Allah, Allah him haha tamanna bien, Mohammed Al Ameen le Osaka Japan, called Allahu

00:24:39--> 00:24:59

Allah Allah below him in the shade regime in Allah Allah Allah. Allah Allah NaVi yeah even Latina amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam with us Lima Allahumma salli ala Muhammad Allah Allah Muhammad Rasul Allah tala Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim al al amin in Dhaka hamidah Majeed Allahumma barik ala Muhammad Ali Mohammed Ibrahim Ali Ibrahim al al amin in Dhaka hamidah Majeed

00:25:00--> 00:25:14

Got the LA Rahim Allah. Allah in the La Jolla model will ask you and your son what you thought even corba when handed fascia you will one cup what are the cola a kebab? Allahu Allah Mata stone, a chemist Allah in the Sonata kanatal Pina kita makuta