Family – Its Complicated
Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
File Size: 12.21MB
Ustadh Nouman Ali Khan directs his lecture towards one of the very strong and sturdy pillars of human existence – Family.
The Ustadh begins his lecture with a general introduction after which we are made spectators to the lives of Prophet Yusuf AS and his brothers who left no stone unturned in tormenting, agonizing and alienating him. Yet they were his family and this emotion always comes to the fore even in the most trying of circumstances.
Another example cited is that of our beloved Prophet ﷺ and how a particular year was called the Year of Sadness with respect to the fact that he had lost both his uncle and wife in the same year and his grief was unimaginable and unfathomable.
What should one’s approach be when it comes to family despite the unending complications and trials one faces in this regard? This lecture clearly implores us that in order for us to seek Taqwa in Allah, it is of supreme importance and paramount that we take care of our family, no strings attached. Just as we are vigilant of the rights of Allah, so should we be aware and vigilant of the rights of the family.
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allies of it, it has a very unique way of telling stories and Oberon, the revolutions that came before the war on whatever was left of them, like the old scriptures that the Hebrew Bible, and whatever's left of the God given to any side in Salaam is very different from the Quran. If you compare, for example, the story of use of it he set out in the Hebrew Bible, it's three, four times bigger than the story mentioned in the Quran. Why? Because it has a lot of details like dates, locations, exhaustive names, you know, there's a lot of historical information in the Bible, that is all entirely missing in the Quran. So for instance, when you read this story, there are a handful of
characters from the very beginning, his use of is around his father, we don't even know that any mention of his mother's name, for instance. And you don't even get mentioned that there's no mention of the names of the siblings, even though they're so central to the story. When he's moved over to Egypt. There's a minister all we know his his that he's a minister and
his wife is a central character. We don't know anything about his wife, except that that's the life of the minister. That's all we know, the two prison guards, you don't even know who they are. There's a lot of information you can see from a English professor was reading the translation of the story of use of renesola, he would say there's a lot of missing information, right. But we have this email in this book that allows him to reveal something perfect. And he reveals exactly what we were in need of. And so every detail that is mentioned in the Quran is very specific, because it serves timeless guidance. Anything that will not give you any guidance until the Day of Judgment is
skipped. Because that's not what you need. We are doing exactly what we need. Now, if you understand that, and I'm sure all of you already knew that. Building on that isn't the best idea. And that is an alarm in the story of use of honey, salaam and all other stories. Whenever he mentioned something, you have to stop and think about what he chose dimension of all the things that he skipped. All the things that he chose, not to mention, he mentioned certain things, and every one of them is priceless. Every one of them is important. None of them is an extra detail that you can just overlook. Because in every one of those details, there is guidance for you and me. There's advice.
There's wisdom. There's counsel, there's more to life, there's hikma
There's good. It's all of those things inside every one of those details. And so with that attitude, one has to study the stories of the crime. And I wanted to highlight today for you just a small part of the story of use of an incident along these lines. And I want to start with a reminder online, Excel gives the panel without them the beginning of the
use of power equity.
Allah says that there are many miraculous signs and lessens the use of insulin, and in his brothers. In other words, it's easy for a Muslim to think we're going to learn a lot of lessons from prophets.
But it's harder for us to think how are we going to learn lessons from his brothers. They're not exactly good characters, but
even in his brothers, even when they are being quoted, when they're being talked about pay attention, and you will learn something about yourself learn something that will benefit you. So with that premise, I wanted to take you very late into the story where you somebody ceramics already, now our ministry is out of prison. And now he's been appointed actually.
He's actually put in charge of the, basically the economic affairs, he's the economics minister of the land. And he's in charge of distributing the wealth to the poor. And his brothers who had thrown him in a well, so many years ago, have now come to him looking for support, they have no idea that the person standing in front of them as their own brother uses, etc. But he actually demands from them that they bring their younger brother with them. And so they come in a second time, they bring the youngest brother with them. And this, whatever I wanted to start from, is this part of the story with the use of Our Lady
when they came into the company, and
he pulled his youngest brother and his actual blood, brother to the side.
And now he's going to speak with him quite a bit. So he's not in the public eye of the rest of his siblings. in me, there's no doubt it is me. In fact, I am your brother. First, he convinces me that his use of good hard to believe, and then skips certain parts. And you can understand that
this brother who loves his brother, who's missed him, whose father talked about him all the time, who never stops missing use of police around, they're hugging each other, they're crying. And he's now the younger brother is telling him how the older brothers, they were bad to use them. But they've also been bad to him. They've been abusing him all this time. They didn't throw him in a Well, that doesn't mean he didn't go through hell because of that. And so use of consoling his brother and telling him
Don't be sad anymore. Don't be sad. And don't, don't be upset because they've been doing
it in grammar. They've been doing horrible things to you for a very, very, very long time. Now lose
a lot. You somebody's son was kidnapped, was turned into a slave. He was falsely accused. He was thrown into prison. He was forgotten in prison. He's been through a lot in life. And yet when his brother comes in, says my brothers gave me a hard time he doesn't say that it's nothing. See what I've been through?
He actually synthesizes with the other. He sympathizes, yes, I know how hurtful they must have been. And he's consoling him. A lot of times when we are in pain, when we ourselves have had difficulty, we want other people to acknowledge the pain that we've been through, we fail to acknowledge the pain that they're going through. It's almost as though until they acknowledge us we're not willing to acknowledge them.
is teaching us a profound lesson here. You
know, this is a man who's been cut off from his family's entire life, since a child, no love for the from the Father, no family, no support whatsoever. If anyone in need, and support and consolation, it would have been
at least the younger brother who's mentioned with the Navy and he has been with his dad, at least he had his dad. But even then he recognizes this younger one needs my support. I need to be a pillar. Some of you and some of us are in situations where we have no support. Where everybody depends on us, but we cannot depend on anybody. There's a lot of pressure on you. There's parents that are demanding from you, spouse that is demanding from you, children that are demanding from you, job that is demanding from you, and you're stressed and you're overwhelmed and you don't know what to do and you don't have anybody to talk to. And still when someone comes to you for support. You're not
supposed to say Listen, I'm going to a lot back off just when you watch the news. You know, you're supposed to be a pillar of support and I'm supposed to be of support for those people. The first thing he does is console is running.
And the next part I wanted to share with you as we move on
Long in this remarkable story is that families complicated
things, problems with family are never simple. What goes on between a husband and a wife is not simple. You can't just say, it's okay. You can't do that. There's a lot going on. And a lot of times, words are saying things that are extremely hurtful. And so the next thing I'll skip forward and then come back, I want to share with you how important it is to understand that hurtful words are more painful than anything else. There's two kinds of abuse you can say. You can have physical abuse, and you can have emotional abuse. Physical abuse is when somebody hits someone else which is completely unacceptable in our religion, especially towards women, allies, religions, prophets, like
Selim says that nobody will ever Allah don't hit the female slaves of Allah.
But on the other hand, is another kind of abuse, emotional abuse, the way you look at someone can be abusive, or I mentioned,
who never said a word of gopher, but
the way they steer you, the way they frown, the way they make their faces, a son comes home after a long day at the university system. And his father, the father doesn't respond to this gives him a look. That look is more painful than a beating. First of all, he didn't respond to this alarm, we just looked at it with the dirty pocket disappointed that sulfinic is nothing more than the support of his father, but the father is in a bad mood, and he's going to be the son is going to be the victim. This is emotional abuse, emotional abuse can be without words. And the worst of it can also be with words, hurtful words. And sometimes the most painful of words can come from your own family.
The people who love you the most, and you live with it and your closest with can also be the source of the most painful experiences. Listen to what happens when you sell products. And and it's actually it's mind blowing.
When he placed the cup, I mean, those of you that are not familiar with the story, I urge you to go back and study the story and shall not entirely put some background to what I'm saying. He told his brother, I'll figure out a way to keep him here. So use the peninsula, secretly place the cup, secretly placed a cup inside the supplies of the brothers. And this cup belonged to the king. It's one of those ornamented golden cup type things, you know, exotic cups, he places it inside the supply and the Bank of his brothers have actually been yelling. And then an announcement is made in the Communist Party People are thieves, you've stolen something. And they haven't been Iowa. They
were walking away. And they shot they turned around. What are you talking about? We're not What are you doing? What are you saying? This entire plan was made by use of a salon. And he
he, he starts checking all of their bags, and finally comes to the man who he himself had in place. And that's the back of his own brother and says, Well, he's gonna have to be arrested. Now he's gonna have to stay here. He has been detained because he was he's now guilty of stealing. And that was his scheme to try to keep his brother with him. I'll tell you more about that scheme in the last part of my problem. But I wouldn't tell him what his brother said. When they heard this, that it's this younger one he stole. What did they say?
if he did steal, someone said,
Come on brother used to have long time ago he used to steal him.
Oh, he stole Yeah, he had a brother. Oh, some
brother, they dismissed some brother he had useless brother. Yeah, he used to steal to they're talking
to us. And they don't even know.
They don't even know. And so when they said this, for asahina use
these words from a loss of control. And
you know, a lot of you might know that was a loss of a loved one through the year of sadness. And it was the one of the most difficult years in the life of the profits of the likes of them. And to help him deal with his sadness revealed so that his uncle had died in that year.
MCI last year, there was a year of starvation. There was you know, for a long time, there's lots of things happening in the same year. And in that year, luggage constellation Tosa hospital them with the story of us and some of them I even went as far as to say even the use of is a Hebrew origin. It's closest in Arabic to the word ss, which means seven.
Use of headings that I told you in the beginning of this book knowledge robot, can be kidnapped as a child must be the most traumatic thing.
be thrown into, you know, being abused or being, you know,
seduced, and then falsely accused and humiliated and be thrown into prison is traumatizing. But you never find allies I was just saying about Musa alayhis salam that he held himself back, then he had to control himself that it became overwhelming for him. It seems that use of a salon was able to deal with all of these things with Si, he was able to deal with all of these things without losing his temperament. He was able to keep this cool from the most impossible situations, but when his own brothers are standing in front of them,
and they call their little brother's a thief. And then they call him and
then a loss as far as
their use of hackers keep it secret deep inside himself. In other words, he almost exploded in anger.
He couldn't take
the former use of a salon, he said at this time, why? Because words can hurt more than anything else, even to a bottle he had to swallow. Don't underestimate the pain caused by words, the men that are listening to this, the women that are listening to this, when you casually say things like, you know, I wish you weren't my son, when you say things like that, or when you accuse without without knowledge. And when you make all kinds of slander, and these things we can get away with it. Because sometimes people they may be a taxi driver outside. And they may be working in a shop outside when they walk into their apartment, and they're flat.
and they will abuse however they want. Use the valet salon was in a position of power. He is now the governor. He's the minister. He can have all these guys arrested right now. He can put them into the police right away.
It's one thing to have fun when you don't have any power to keep it inside because you're the youngest one. You have no control over the situation. But this is not the situation with us.
He's in the ultimate position of authority. He actually can take revenge right now. Oh, you're gonna call me? You know who you're talking to? And that's my brother. He actually didn't steal?
What are you gonna say now? He put on all of it. How dare you speak this way? No. He swallows it up for us.
But that doesn't mean that he was not upset. He was deeply upset. He was deeply upset. So much so that in his in his heart, he spoke, and a lot quoted the voice of his heart. And he said unto
you, people are even worse.
When you put me in your bad, you're even worse. Now you tell me. When they were throwing their brother to kill him, they were killing them. Because nobody finds him, he's gonna die. Or he's gonna sneak scan of it, you don't know what's gonna happen to him. That's the worst thing they could have done. But
this is worse.
This is shocking, than what you didn't know is worse. Because when you kill someone, physically, you kill their body. But when you attack their character, and you call them a thief, and you humiliate them, and you insult them, and you're killing their soul,
Don't do that inside of your family.
Maybe words are more painful than a meeting sometimes. And that's what we're learning here. We'll use
that pain that's been highlighted, I want you to understand, especially those of you that are the head of the household, those of you that have your home, you're in charge of, you know, the spouse, the children, your parents have become old. And for a lot of them. Sometimes you hear very painful things.
You've worked so hard and you try to come by and somebody just says your son
or wife comes in tells you I wish you were a good husband or something. Now, that's the time when there's a raging volcanic volcano inside you, and you want to put it in a place. Yeah, you can talk to me. Let me tell you what's up.
And that's the time you and I have to remember.
You have to keep this bottled up. And so can really hurt. It's okay. When you're in a position a lot put you in that position for a reason.
allows you then put you there for a reason. You have to contain yourself and also last a little longer. I named him
when he gets upset. And sometimes he said
he has the opportunity to say and what he says has already told us you know for him Allahu Allah, Who would you believe it was fine
Hello speech allies backing him up, he is back again. Now, the entire legions of angels are backing up, you better not mess with those who love them. But we know his son, and his son that is I thought was saddam when he used to get upset he used to become quiet,
used to become quite
used to keep it in himself and to shuffle on mechanic. Now the last part I know I've taken over my time, I'll take two more minutes and promise.
You so funny, Sarah
planted evidence and had his brother falsely arrested. That's a fact.
If you say about anybody else, that they planted evidence, and they got somebody falsely arrested.
How could you do that? That is that is a crime. That is scheming. That's a kind of a lie, that sticks.
Shahada testimony, it's a wrong thing to do. It can't be right. Because that's actually you know, it's a kind of deception. It's Hold on.
But then again, how is a prophet of Allah? How can a prophet of Allah will always supposed to speak the truth? They're always supposed to stand by Justice. How can I plant false evidence. And then on top of that, test, only testify, I'm keeping him I'm arresting him.
When you don't understand this point, a lot, a lot of things are missed. I one of the comments, I made this family's complicated. And a lot of mercy. He gave us a religion that is realistic. It's not idealistic, it's realistic. Sometimes you have to keep things from family. Sometimes to save your mother from having a heart attack, you don't tell her that you lost her down. She says housework and you say everything is fine.
Mom, everything is okay. That's okay, you have to do this, you must be the mother, I lost the job, we don't have any money left for rent. I know you're a hard patient but deal with it.
You don't do that.
You have to scheme sometimes for the better of the family. Sometimes you have to keep things secret for the better of the family. And if that wasn't clear, and somebody thought about pointing the finger at us, we'll get a large karateka
instead of saying this is how you should have made the scheme.
Allah says that is how we made the scheme for you.
The scheme is from Allah.
That plan is from Allah. Sometimes you have to keep things secret. Sometimes you have to use a little bit of trickery to save someone. And especially when a family situation is complicated. You have to use wisdom. You have to be able to answer a lot of you did it for the right reasons. Now some people will hear this one but there's already a virus in their head. They want to use trickery all along now they have a whole other justified,
you know, but for those of you that have a conscience, that understand hikma and understand the greater good, this is the practical reality of our religion. Even a lot explains, you know,
in the constitution of the kingdom, he lived, you couldn't just take an immigrant and give him asylum in the palace, you couldn't do it. So
he had to come up with a scheme to justify there's a lot going on behind the scenes. And this is my favorite part. And I conclude at the end of the talk.
And everyone above everyone who has knowledge, there's someone who has more, we usually talk about how every island was a bigger Island. And everyone who knows
who knows everything. But why is it a desire? It is because family situations normally.
You cannot go outside and figure out what to do. If you look from the outside, oh my god, he planted evidence he falsely got someone arrested and you don't know the whole situation. Allah says, basically to us, when there is a complicated family situation. Don't just hear about some somebody's family and say how could they do this? How can they do that?
Look at their family. Look at this husband, look at his wife. Look at this, you know,
the family has privacy. They have things that are within their knowledge that you don't know. And you're not supposed to know. That is their matter. They don't give you a justification Ally's Odin himself offered the justification in the Quran to let us know there is something going on behind the scenes. You need to learn to back off.
Don't try and don't pass judgment. May Allah make us of those who learn lessons from the book of Allah and especially from the Sunnah of his great messengers Salaam
realize those who can end conflicts in our family and be the source of peace and harmony for our families, instead of being the source of trouble and disharmony in our families Baraka lovely welcome.
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