Channel: Bilal Philips
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I'm Christina, Omen sejati I'm Anna, Maria de la medalla per minute lymphology Allah,
Allah Allahu Allahu Allah, Masha Allah Muhammad Abu Rasulo
offers you to a law and as such, we should praise him at all times and seek His help and his forgiveness for non forgives besides Him. We should seek refuge in a law from the evil which is within ourselves and the evil resulting from ID for whomsoever Allah has guided none can this guide and whosoever is allowed to go straight, none can guide neither witnesses there is no god worthy of worship Allah and that Muhammad some wireless alum is the last messenger of Allah.
This evening's presentation is entitled The Muslim family in a non Muslim society.
One a question whether there is any basic difference between the Muslim family in a Muslim society and in a non Muslim society as a family there is no different Muslim family is the Muslim family wherever it is. However, the non Muslim society
presents particular circumstances which pressure that family that puts the family in a situation where it cannot call upon the Islamic authority for help
where laws may be implemented to ensure the continuity of the family according to Islamic law etc. This is the this is the area that is most significant in its difference, that the authority of the state is not there, and the non Muslim society, the Muslim family has no legal authority that they can turn back to to decide for them
the rights and the wrongs or the correct path that the families should take.
in looking at the Muslim family,
in the non Western society,
there are certain basic components that are important for us to understand,
to understand how that family comes about, and how it should function.
And furthermore, how On what basis should conflicts which eventually arise the resolve and also, fundamentally how the members of the family should relate to each other, the rights obligations etc.
To begin with, family in the non Muslim society has many different meanings.
family in the non Western society could be the result of fornication,
common law marriages,
it could be the result
of artificial insemination.
artificially inseminating themselves, you know having children
with two females,
you have the gay male families adopting children.
However, from the Islamic perspective, all of these methods are illegitimate.
The only legitimate method for family in Islam, a Muslim family is through marriage. This is the basis and only basis. Now.
If we are then to look at
the process by which that family is created through marriage, we have to step back in time.
The partners were involved in it in the marriage, the male and the female.
Their preparation should begin from birth.
So to understand how that family should be, how it should come about, one has to look at
the children from the point of their birth
the child will know according to Islamic law, should be given a good name. Prophet Mohammed Sallam told us to choose good names for our children, because we will be called on the day of God
Judgment by our name.
So we should not follow
methods that have evolved in different Muslim cultures.
Or we could call them cultures among Muslims.
Where people may choose names by a number of means, which don't fulfill what Prophet Mohammed Salim said, for example, in some parts of Southeast Asia, Muslims will choose names by opening the Koran
with their eyes closed, point their finger, and whatever
name that the finger ends on, becomes the name of the child. So we find children being called Bismillah.
And Muslim children called Bismillah. So when calls now be, or novel, and, you know, names, this kind of thing.
We look at this as not being a legitimate method
is not, if we're going to choose names for the children, we have a choice of either choosing a name that has a good meaning,
either in our local language, or in Arabic, because there's not as it's not a requirement that the child name be an Arabic name is not a requirement.
Of course, there's preference given to Arabic because it is the common language of Muslims.
But a name with a good meaning, that is
one approach to choosing a name.
The second is choosing a name which is the name of the Prophet
He recommended, in the cases, facility, the case of nails, that the most beloved name
is Abdullah and Abdul Rahman.
On the basis of that, also, we had some of the female companions they named the
the doctors, you know,
a lot with obviously with the agreement of their husbands amatola, an amateur rough man
about being a female.
And we also have the choice of names of famous personalities and Islamic history. Among the Sahaba the male and female companions of the Prophet Mohammed Salah, we can choose from their name, so that when our children wants to know what is it that may mean to give them some lesson in Islamic history, some concepts, which will make them feel good about their name and make them feel good about Islam.
Names, which involve shook up a bit in names.
For example, to name oneself, Abdul Hussain, the common name alongside
Abdul Hassan, because of the great emphasis that is placed on the grandchildren of Allah happened enough to say, they will call themselves Abdul Hussain and Abdul Hassan.
This name, of course, is unacceptable islamically because it is only permissible to play the name of meaning a slave worship or all, before one of our last names of the lives of a man of the harlot of the Raj, etc, etc.
So, the name that we choose here should be
property, that is the rights of the child.
And it is also the rights of the child that I'm the seventh date, along with the naming that the child here is
the value the given charity, gold equivalent value in gold given in charity, and then an animal or two animals, male goats, the sheep be slaughtered for that child known as the Africa.
And this Africa verse is not compulsory, it is highly recommended Prophet Muhammad Allah because of the fact that his parents were pagan, they didn't raise him with his tradition. He as an adult, did Africa for himself.
He did Africa for himself
shown that it is permissible for us even as adults. We're not done for our children to do it.
But it is part of the rights proposal.
selam identified as the right of the child
along with that, for males, the circumcision
for female in case of female circumcision, it is not strongly recommended as it is in the case of males. And if it is done is permissible, if it is done in the case of females, it is supposed to be done on a very limited scale as instructed the woman in Medina who was circumcising women to do so, you know, by taking only a small, very small portion
in terms of the upbringing of those children,
male and female
they have the right to be brought up properly educated as Muslims. This is preparing them for marriage. They should be properly educated as Muslims. We know that Hamza Salam told us muru Abdullah acoem the Salafi Sabri command your children
to pray, by the age of seven, what to remove whom Allah Hayashi and spite them for it by the time they reach 10 or 30 for buying a home from Avaya and separate them in their bed, narrated by
is the basic principle, the children
the education begins with Islamic education. This is what
though he said follow me for a while upon a Muslim seeking knowledge is compulsory for every Muslim so education in general education for this world as well as education for the next world all included. But what is stress for children bringing those children up he stressed
that by the time they reach the age of seven, they should be playing meaning that you don't start at seven you leave them you will start before that. And the children willingly if they observe prayer in the homes, they will join their parents in prayer and this is why pot mamas as salaam Salaam has said to the people, that the best Salah
the death follow outside of the compulsory Salah
is in the hole.
Today, it's not the case. If we come to the master, they do this and then the master. If somebody doesn't do some animosity for thinking, you know, something wrong here, you know, so and so. Dean is shaking, he's only doing the farm.
But the fact of the matters is that Prophet Muhammad wa sallam used to consistently do his sin in the hole.
consistently, he also did in the masjid, sometimes let's say it's not permissible. But he favored doing it in the home Why? And why? Men, those is compulsory for them to pray in the massive difference. within their reach, they're able to get there, they are instructed to find a home so that the environment of prayer is there, the children see, not only mother praying, but they see the father praying, they're in the home, you know, so the, the concept of prayer sets on special significance to them.
So it is important to establish regular prayer within the home. In case of the men, it should be the voluntary prayer that we call the sooner prayers in the woman are compulsory prayers, as well as in the prayers.
Those may pray in the masjid.
In general, her prayers will be in the home.
So prayer should be established for the child, all sorts of the practice of the Sahaba to encourage the children to fall, of course, at the age of seven years old, can expect them to pass Ramadan, but they would encourage them to fast one day or a part of a day and you know, offer them gifts and things like this to get them to fast water fasting, they would play with them just to keep their minds away from the food and the drink and also encourage them. So from the earliest stages are being encouraged to practice also fasting
in terms of charity,
of course, children, they don't have
the kind of money to give benefits. So But still, if you are giving them some kind of allowance, then it's also good to train them and cause them to share with others. And they can share in terms of their toys, they have toys and are playing with anymore. We encourage them to give those toys to other other kids, their friends, so they can be trained in Florida, you know from childhood because of course the child you know when you want to give away the toy, you're going to find the reaction is going to give the toy and even though he hasn't played with it for the last three, four years, but it is going first of all, you know that desire
Want to possess them to all and enough to share with others is a part of the nature that we have to train that nature is to give. So we encourage them to, to give. And then it can be done different ways nursery, forcing the child to offer the child something else to give that will get you something else,
something you want to play with now, that way, they get over this heavy attachment to their personal possessions
have Mohammed's eyes on them as stressed. And by the age of 10, they should be establishing the prayer.
Although it is not compulsory for them, until the age of puberty, but by the age of 10, within the home, they should be establishing that prayer.
You know, that they're they've learned to pray. And they're instructed to pray that one pray may not necessarily be five times daily prayer, but just that certain prayers, whatever the family has decided that they want to pray in the home that they should be regularly doing it.
And if not, they should be trying
to insist that they established that prayer in the home, this is becomes become a part of their life.
on a philosophical basis, one may question, you know, the concept of forcing people to pray, does a spanking come in? Are you going to spank this child
to pay? You know, and there is a philosophy, which is promoted, you know about not teaching children.
The philosophy that Western societies and non Western society now has, has lived a number of decades within where they were they call the Dr. Spock generation, by Dr. Spock from Star Trek
is another Dr. Spock, he was an individual back in the 50s, a doctor, you know who, who proposed certain theories regarding childbearing. And his theories became widely accepted. And it influences the educational system and childbearing laws, etc. Till today,
Dr. Spock himself, you know,
has gone back, and a number of the principles and concepts that he promoted way back in the 50s. And fundamentally, his concept was that children should be treated as little adults,
you shouldn't hit them, you just reason with them.
Because of this in the West, in order to hit a child now, I mean, you can be put in jail, children can be taken away from you, if you hit them established, you're not allowed to hit them. They are very strict rules concerning in especially in America. I know in Canada, I know what the situation is in Bahamas. But you know, they have women, they come into Muslim families and taken away the children for hitting them.
I've had stress hitting the children, for so long.
This is an extension of the Islamic State
compulsion of those who are Muslims to pray.
We say there's no compulsion in religion means there's no compulsion to join the religion when nobody's compelled to join the religion. But in the Islamic State,
obligatory, to establish the prayer.
And if a person refuses to pray,
expressing apostasy, then the punishment ultimately, is execution.
If they don't back down to execution,
so if the state has the right to do that,
then as the parent,
which is the head of a smart state, they have the right also to start with children to get that established. And the whole thing is that ultimately, that is for the benefit of the child. It's not the issue of control, or you know, power trip that the parents have over the children. It is for the welfare of the children for the future, and that the child has established the law as a fundamental component of their lives.
And of course, bombers are what separates them in their bed by the time you can
separate them their bed. As either of them says, No man should sleep with another man under the same sheet,
nor a woman sleep with another woman under the same sheet.
And he said, from the time the children, their own sense for which 10 they should be separated.
Why, because of natural
desires to experiment.
It's natural for children.
And experimentation may lead to the development of feelings and meaning, which ultimately, in this society ends up in homosexuality, lesbianism, etc.
It doesn't say every time to do an experiment, that's where they will go. But many times when you read, listen to the people the homosexual talk, they're talking about from childhood childhood experiences and what they got into as children. And the channels that they went along,
you know, which this society encourages, Western permissive society encourages experimentation, and, you know, they call innocent experimentation.
with common Islamic perspective, the roles of the children, male and female, should be developed from early childhood, and their sexual identity should be defined, clearly defined, there should be no obscurity. So the practice, for example, in some places, most Muslim, where they say to protect the children from the evil eye,
right? If you have this usually happening with sons, right? If you have a son, and he's particularly cute, and people are, you know, always trusting and solver, people get the fear that the evil AI will be put on that child, what they will do, is they will just the little boys ago,
but in the societies, ignorant societies, the girl is looked at as inferior to the boy, you know, they will make the same fuss about well as it was the boy. So they adjusted through boys and girls clothes, you know, letting go love and all these different types of things,
to protect the child from the evil eye, but the danger of that is this confusion in the mind of the child of the sexual
dangerous. So from an Islamic perspective, this kind of behavior in terms of raising children, these types of practices that allowed the child males and females should be identified from childhood, and raised as such,
and also instructed
as narrated by Norman Lear,
this couple more widely lubaina our logical
that in raising children, fear of law and the equal with them,
be just with them.
In terms of your dealings with them,
you shouldn't favorites thumb over others.
This was a particular statement made when companion reported about Moses Allah, that he had given a gift to one of his children. And they asked him what he gave the other children similar game. And he said, No, so he told them here are law and the just in giving your children is one of the things also in raising the children they should be raised with this
sense of fairness.
And so fairness in terms of how the parents deal with the children.
Something fair that sense of fairness, of course, you know, we know this is in terms of justice and in Islamic Society, how much stress is placed into place in the Koran, about being Justin etc, etc.
You can see clearly that the children were raised with this kind of a concept and this kind of a desire for fairness is much more easy for them to grasp and to understand the Islamic injunctions for justice and righteousness. As the law says, even if it be against yourself and your families,
you should be just fair.
So the children we serve should be given the best opportunity of
Islamic upbringing. They should be
clear in terms of their identification of who they are,
sexually, and from the time they reach puberty and onwards. From an Islamic perspective.
though that society
treats marriage you know below the age of 18 or older
be considered child marriage. In a matter of fact, there are even
some people right now in New Jersey or Philadelphia in the United States, who have been put in jail.
brother, he married a girl with like 13.
And he is charged with, you know, child abuse.
And the father charged with, you know, a B, betting, you know, aiding and abetting South
Georgia, they're both in jail court case going on.
This is the western perspective.
And of course, when
certain Westerners want to attack Islam, this is what they will focus on. Right, the Prophet Muhammad is
His Prophet, he was a child abuser.
Married I used to when she was nine,
there's a man in his 50s.
By the way, when he was nine,
she came to live with him when he's 13.
Oftentimes, when we get confronted, and you need to be prepared for,
you know, given that if somebody throws that in your face, you should know how to handle it, how to deal with it. But in a society where you know, somebody makes that kind of a statement, you can't deal with it, that just destroys Islam in the eyes of the public.
The fact of the matter is that
once a child, so called child is, has reached the age of puberty, this is the biological instructions,
that she is now capable of bearing child.
This is this is God creating the child's way.
So that because he becomes a young woman, from the time of puberty, she's capable of varying HR.
the past, go back 1400 years,
people died, you know, by the age of 30, your old man in your 30s you know, if you live beyond your 30s, and
early a senior individual were dying between the 30s and 40s.
As an average,
children, were no longer children in that sense, by the time they reach puberty, we know from the history who survived it, you know, leaving the army at the age of 16. You know, so much stress, young people involved in Jihad allow them in their early teens, 12 and 13 years old, fighting alongside the Prophet.
So we know that people mature
in know earlier in the earlier times, I misread much more rapidly. And if you go back into the history of America, of Europe, you know, the other countries, you'll find that
it's only now in these times that new laws have been passed and maturity ages have been newly said that this law becomes an issue.
when a child is abused,
you will see these children are under psychiatric care. When they grew up, they have all these complexes and problems and they're being dealt with, you know, the messed up. This is the common result.
when we look at Isaiah, who the claim for child abuse is attributed, Isaiah was one of the leading scholars of the Muslim
world for time, she thought generation
she narrated the fourth most heavy of all of the companions of the Prophet Muhammad Salah is a leading scholar of Islamic life.
This is not a child who, you know, a woman who has suffered from so called child abuse.
So, the point of the matter is that marriage is encouraged. Once children reach puberty and
growing up, especially where they're, you know, where parents see, you know, a strong inclination towards girls, especially all girls towards boys.
Then serious consideration should be given to early marriage, but there's none as the boys
busy with boy type things and the girls are busy with girl things or their education or whatever. And they're not inclined that way. And maybe the average cow will not be inclined, but you'll find some children with that strong attraction from an early age, those are the ones that one has to take specific care for. And it is the duty of parents to marry them early with this type of feelings exists. This is for their own protection to protect them from falling into sin of fornication, and the complications that can come with it.
Now, when one is choosing
one has to consider first and foremost
the very purpose of marriage itself.
is looked at as being
a means for human procreation
as a means of pleasure,
as a means of companionship.
And as a means of worship.
Prophet Mohammed Salim is reported to have said,
when a servant of Allah married, he has completed half of his religious obligation.
And he must feel a law in order to complete the second half
is authentically reported, I'll be happy.
Why we have that phrase, marriage is half the religion this would mean
half of religious obligations are fulfilled with money.
What does this mean?
It means that
a person who is striving to worship Allah and the basic purpose of our creation is to worship Allah masala some genuine insight
about creating the jinn and mankind except for my worship as a light.
This is the fundamental purpose of human being male and female, this vision of marriage should be a vehicle, which helps them fulfill that purpose
should not be something which is making that purpose difficult to be fulfilled, but a means of helping them fulfill that purpose.
And where the components of marriage are there, it does fulfill them.
human being, for example, to get up in the morning for philosophy
is a struggle.
Some struggle against robots,
that human being as a wife, or a husband,
when the two of them struggling,
it was easier if one didn't hear the alarm clock of one set off the alarm clock, the other one heard it and can get that one up. Right. So we have that support, this is the difference between you on your own.
And having somebody out there to help you this is where half of those religious obligations now are fulfilled. This is the significance of it. So that means then that for
for that to manifest itself in marriage,
then the choice
the primary choice for marriage should be
piety, and as Prophet Muhammad wa sallam said, well known to all of you that women are married for four basic reasons. And men are married for four basically, he didn't say that. But this is what is understood when he's speaking is a general statement. Women have same kind of reasons for choosing husbands. They're married for their beauty,
their genealogy, family tree status, and then
choose the pious
and you will be satisfied
you will be successful.
This is the problem moms I tell them recommendation.
It doesn't mean that the other three factors are negligent you know, we neglect them negligible.
Meaning that just choose the files woman doesn't matter. If you don't like the way
problems, as Alan said,
When men were
informed that they were going to get married, he said, Did you see him? Did you go look at him? I said, No, did you look at them, go and have a look at them.
Similarly, for the woman, you know, lopamudra, as Ellen said,
If a man comes to you,
who is fired,
was religion you are satisfied with at the hand of your doctor, and you refuse him
there will be corruption in the land,
meaning that you refusing him for an Islamic reasons
or making other stipulation, tribalism,
profession, these type of things, there will be corruption in the land. Why? Because it means that some young men who should be getting married or not being getting in or getting married, some young woman who shouldn't be getting married, or not being married,
and this desire that they have, are going to come out in some to other illegitimate
This is the ultimate, you know, and we see societies that is like in the Gulf, where the process of getting married, you know, is a
quarter of a million dollar affair, and huge amounts of money to get married.
So you find young men don't even think about getting married until after they reach 30 they're working for the time they graduate, they're working for like 10 years raising that money, so they can have, you know, all the necessary components, to set up a family, you know, pay gift through that marriage.
But what happens is that, when they're delaying marriage to a point, they still have desires. So you find that corruption breeds corruption in the young men during that, you know, the late teens all the way up to 30. You see what's happening in the society to the young men, and that many young men and young women often and that's it in that range.
It's no surprise, because of this.
Some have the law, there are some tribes, for example, in in areas of Judah and all that, who decided that they would lower the price for marriage, you know, to, like the equivalent of about $2,000. That's it, they just agreed everybody across the tribe that this is the nobody's charging any more than this, you know, to promote marriage, because they can see the end result of allowing the marriage prices to soar.
the principle here then, is that if it is a primary factor, but promises elements struck the males and indirectly, the females to see the person with their marriage,
you know, they should be pleased with that person.
Feeling that yes, I want to spend the rest of my life with this person
before going ahead in marriage, so privacy is there to privacy is not enough.
It's not enough for some women, maybe it is
for some men, maybe it is but for the average person that isn't because relationships go through many changes.
And this is why you fighting fire Buhari.
That female companion of the Prophet Muhammad Rasul Allah,
who came to him saying, I don't have any complaints about my husband regards to his religion.
And regards to his maintenance, looking at
I have no complaints. But I just can't stand him.
I can't stand to look at him.
When he's walking in a group of men, I find him the most ugly the most.
I hear from my religious
Are you willing to give back? or What did he give you an hour? He says he gave me a garden. Are you willing to give back the garden? orchard? He said I'll give him back to
you said okay, just the one you know. And then he instructed the brother to allow the cola wars to take place because the institution of cola
This is obviously a situation where she had gotten into this thing where you know these arrangements for advice. She trusted not really check this person out. And that's where she ended up.
So, to avoid this kind of situation, remember, this is a female companion of the Prophet Muhammad.
Remember now, this is the talk about human being right. So, if they could have those kind of difficulties then I mean who are we today, so, we have to recognize this need.
And when we're looking at a situation here now,
this society promote love marriages,
marriage based on love is what the non Muslim society promotes
for those young people growing up in this society
you only marry that person, you know, for the woman, when you see him, you see stars, you know,
something has got your balance got a ring somewhere being
the one right, you know, if this doesn't happen, you don't matter, you know, this is the this is what is promoted, you know, to all the love novels that the kids are reading growing up when the magazines and you know, television or whatever, everything is promoting that this is got to be there.
But the fact of the matter is, you know, we know historically
that this tradition of so called you know, love marriage has not proven itself effective the rate of divorce amongst non Muslims in the West, well over 50% of marriages within the first two years and then divorce.
So, this concept of love marriage, because before that, they function on the principle of arranged marriages often go back 100 years matches were arranged Medicaid.
So, this is not the solution. And of course, with the love marriage concept, they have another factor that is, you know, factor of as they call it, trying out the good person,
right, which of course, even though it has its own rationale, right, that is sex before marriage, it has not
improved the status of marriages, in terms of, of continuity at all.
In fact, there's So, many cases of people that have been living together you know, for years,
trying each other out, then they decide to get married after five years, next year, they have divorces, they were fine with before, but they were not married, you know, because the commitments that are involved in magistrates are not ready to deal with this.
knowing that, it is necessary also to educate
our young people that this is not the ideal,
the people involved should have some knowledge of each other
should be pleased with each other, that this infatuation shouldn't be
confused with love the bells ringing the stars appearing, you know, this is all this should not be confused with love. This in fact is infatuation, which can wear off very quickly
why problems as you know, had instructed that primary concern should be piety, however, we said use your what is attractive to the individual has secondary considerations of my salon strapless. So it has played
also family has a place to it shouldn't be a final criteria. But
if parents of that
that young person are good, upstanding, Muslim, practicing in the community, etc, etc, etc, then the likelihood of that child being upstanding, etc is good. No guarantee but it's good. So looking at the family and its status in society, not as a status on the point of view of
prestige built on wealth and power etc. But prestige built on religiosity. Yes, this is a reasonable
criterion to look also to take into account.
And considering our situation where
in the non Western society often oftentimes, those possibilities there because a lot of strollers into a room.
Where is 21 woman IRT and holla
Allah comin fujichrome as Raja, because cuando la ha was anabaena Kumar de San Juan, in the phenolic, Allah I attend the home in East Africa.
And among these signs is this, that he created for you made from among yourself, that you may live in tranquility with them. And he has put love and mercy between your heart, verily in that art science for those who reflect.
the principle what Allah is saying here, that
the maids were created,
that there be that state of tranquility amongst them. Second,
this is a purpose of the law set in creating the maid for marriage.
As the law says, This is amongst his science, the mercies the blessings that He has given us, because how do you will, he could have had us
reproduce by asexual reproduction.
There's so many others, other plants or animals in this universe in our world are producing by asexual reproduction, there's no need for a male and female versus
so this is a mercy from Allah, that they're alive, that that sense of pleasure in between the male and the female. So the goal there is, as you said, second, or tranquility, and tranquility, not merely from the point of view of the feeling that one may
attain after fulfilling one's sexual desires. But this is not the last thing feeling comes and goes. But the feeling of psychological support and compatibility. This is the one where one develops a relationship, which is based on a law goes on to say, my wife will have my love and mercy, there is that love between them, and they are merciful to each other.
They are helping each other making sacrifices for each other. This is the goal in the marriage. So it's very important for us
to emphasize these points to the young people as they're going up, because going into marriage, they should have an understanding of what's supposed to be involved in marriage. And if they're not properly educated, yes, put two people together and then
you know, let them figure it out for themselves. No, this is not the way
not the way. I mean, this is how the animals function.
You know, the, the, the parents don't educate the children.
They just come together and do what comes naturally. And However, this is where human beings have the spiritual, psychological side, which should be educated, we have knowledge we should pass on.
You know, and this can be something very critical in some circumstances, you know, where in their mother doesn't explain because, you know, in marriages, course, in Islamic marriage, the most cases, the norm would be that both the male and the female are virgins.
And if a mother has not explained to her daughter what to expect,
the whole situation can be very traumatic,
Marriages is crumbling right from that very first night.
It is very important, I was shy away, we don't want to put them in school and get the sex education, which is something that very corruptive. Teaching little kids in primary school about sex
useful, destructive to the society.
But at the same time,
as the kids get older, they should become aware and especially for marriage. Both the male and the female should be given proper education
with regards to what they should expect, what is proper and what is good etc, etc.
And this is an area that traditionally families have neglected.
Now, the concept of the importance of procreation should not be neglected because problems are seldom did say to the word you elude Allah dude.
Marry the prolific and loving women
Loving women, similarly, a woman to marry from what it means now because how do you know if a woman is politik meaning that she has many children?
Are you married yet? Oh, you know, you look into her family, if her family has a tradition of large families, having lots of kids etc, this is recommended. Similarly for the woman, she can look in terms of the man's background, family background as you come from a large family, etc, etc, you know,
because the importance and the plight of a men can be a basis for divorce from the side of the woman.
So, looking into the family background, it's no guarantee as to what the state of the individual is going to be, but it is among the science as one is allowed to look at.
Now, regarding the
functioning of that family,
since we said
goal is to aid each other, to worship a lot.
we have to recognize that the the family has to function within the confines of the Sharia, and the instructions of the Sharia. As
a law says
in Surah, verse 36,
well my Academy movement in one minute in, in our common law world, Zulu amre, i akula, Hara in amla him, for my house in our Sula for Casa de la, La Land, Medina.
It is not befitting for a believing man or a believing woman. And the law makes a distinction here normally law says that the fitting for the believers and it's understood male and female, and you will use the masculine term
when a law separates
movement minute in
and then he is stressing that this is something which is important to grasp, emphasizing that both men and women have to recognize this point. So, he said that is not befitting for a male believer or a female deliver. If a law and His Messenger have decided, one day in a particular thing, that there be any choice in the matter.
There's no room for choice.
And whoever makes the choice, when they have disobeyed a line is messengers. And in doing so,
they have strayed far away from the path
that this has to be
the basis for how the male and the female function together they have to function according to what Allah and His Messenger has ordained, meaning
that align the messenger
has ordained a particular structure for the family,
system administrative system. He said kulu komoi in loco loco must be well known hobbies. Rarely, every one of you is a shepherd, and every one of them is responsible for his flock. The Emir is a shepherd over the people, and shall be questioned about the subject as to how he conducted their affairs. A man is a shepherd over the members of his family, and shall be questioned about them. A woman is a guardian over her household shall be questioned as to how she managed the household and brought up the children. A slave is the guardian of the property of his master and he shall be questioned about it as to how he safeguarded his trust. Verily, every one of you as a shepherd, and
everyone will be questioned regarding his flock.
This is the order of affairs. As there is an Amir step over the society, there is a mere set over the past
is important, especially in the western context, where the equality of men and women is promoted.
The man is equal to the woman woman is equal to the man you know, right down the line. So
then when you
Enter into marriage. No one has
the authority over the other.
It's a matter of whatever we agree on.
And the reality is that no state function
well, you have to head to a state
because they are bound to disagree and when they disagree, there is no one to decide for them.
No one to decide what is the right and wrong in the method. So they slip. So, you find this is one of the big factors in the in the breakdown of marriages in the West today.
The authority structure of the family has been completely removed.
From the Islamic perspective,
both males and females
should be taught that
the man is the head of the household. He has a responsibility to
make looking after that household, first and foremost, the provider, as the law said, also.
So an established 35 original kawahara Nisa de la parte de la la Who? Baba humara mouth, Bobby my unsettle man I'm wanting him for Polly how to call it a half ivatan baby, Dima, half even more men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the former more than the latter.
And because the farmers support them from their means,
therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and God in their husband's absence, what Allah would have them guard is foundational verse of the Quran regarding the relationship of the family within the family. Now, how do the people relate with each other husband wife?
This is what Allah has decided.
We know that some women may be smarter than some men.
Some women may be stronger than some men.
That women now they have boxing
championship, lightweight, heavyweight boxing champion women, women, Judo and karate, you know, experts, they could take a number of men and beat them into a pot. Okay.
But the reality at the same time is that the vast majority of men
are in a position
over women have been put that way biologically.
They've been put that way psychological.
They've been put that way intellectually, as a whole.
This is a loss decree.
And there is nothing
that the person should feel that this is, you know,
degradation of women are they still
alive favored? Even among men, some men over other men.
A lot of favors some profits over other
Alaska, those are the top
some of whom are lifesavers.
I'm referring to
the human beings a certain thing.
So the status, the fact that
the whole of human existence, involve
people with different favors over others, a lot of favors come over others that no two people are really ultimately equal.
is not something that people may be proud of. So a man can say he's proud that he's a man.
Because a lot put him in this position.
Because this is not something which comes from himself. He didn't create.
This is a law of destiny.
As a law made one person is taller than another,
another person stronger than another,
another person more intelligent than another.
It is not something to be proud of.
Who I am Allah emphasizes that the superiority is a tough one.
Because this is something that we earn for ourselves through our own efforts.
But what Allah gives us he gives
With responsibilities, the more allowed you the more responsibilities. So when a law says is favored the men over the women,
putting them in that position of strength of women, etc, then they have the responsibility of looking after the woman.
he specifies that
that position is also because of them spending from what they earn, they are the ones going out and earning and gaining the necessary sustenance. And this is because
if they are not spending, then they have lost themselves, if they're not taking responsibility of maintenance and spending from themselves to take care of families, when they are, they have lowered themselves from this from the status that Allah has put them.
And this is why, in the case of divorce,
males are obliged to continue to maintain the children.
Those children are his responsibility
till they reach the age that they can look after themselves, it is the responsibility of the Father, not of the mother to make it.
No Islam may give them to the mothers in the early ages or whatever they may prefer to be with the mother, it is still the responsibility of the Father,
to maintain look after sooner, because of the fact that Allah has put them as a whole in that position of all and so their primary responsibility is that of looking after the woman providing and protecting them.
And on the other hand, Allah says regarding the women, and those licensed women who marry for the sake of Allah,
out of piety, choosing their husbands due to their piety, etc. They were chosen due to their piety.
He described them saying for follow how to call it
that the righteous women are devoutly obedient.
When you put somebody in a position of authority, that authority is meaningless, unless those who they are in authority over are obliged to obey
this two sides of the coin, you cannot have authority and then the subjects are not obliged to obey the law is meaningless.
And this is why, but once I tell them I said
for mankind to prostrate to anyone other than a law. women would have been ordered to prostrate before their husbands
and also added the women's liberation is really hate. But it is authentic IDs reports of Abu huraira found in Academy Li Abu Dawood
women are instructed to profit to event husbands,
wives are not substitute
But what is permissible,
would be the
relationship, frustration, not of worship, but of submission.
As the king the powerful things when the subjects come before them, they bow down in submission.
Submission in the sense of obedience, submission of their wills to
an end This is obviously important Islamic context is an aspect of worship, a major aspect of worship, submission of the human will, to the Divine Will.
these two components have to be firmly understood, and
a part and parcel of the marriage. This is the basic relationship.
When the Papa fella was asked about the woman, right over the man, he said that you feed her when you get food as you close
when you call yourself that you do not hit her in the face and you do not curse her unless you do not avoid her for disciplinary purposes, except in there.
But that's us.
Feed her and closer as you do yourself, this is your responsibility. But on the other hand
problems are seldom said
was that you have rights over women, and that they are not allowed to let anyone you dislike into your home.
They are obliged to obey you with regards to your role. Some scholars
have said your opinion some scholars, that it is not compulsory for women to wash the dishes and the clothes. Some scholars for this position
read a book called reliance on the traveller cafe
and are translated by no harm in color.
copier? No. Okay. Anyway, he brings this point out, you know, of course, some women they jump at this Wow.
To wash the dishes in the clothes, yes, oh, this is
the worst, wash the dishes, you know.
The fact of the matter is that no one may theoretically say this is not the responsibility in the sense of compulsory duty on the part of the wife. Still, this is the affair of the household. And if the husband says, wash the dishes, wash the clothes, and she is obliged to wash the dishes.
Because the law says that she's supposed to obey you.
Firstly, this is not, you know, an hour
she is obliged to obey Him.
So, if he is willing to make a special arrangement in his home,
that one day he washes the dishes on the ground. And another day she was
he has their outworking
where she is helping to provide and maintain the home, then he doesn't have the right now, to demand of her the washing of the dishes and the clothes as he did when he is the one providing everything
she has an equal provider or partial provider, then he has to now make some concessions in this matter.
Because his situation is no different from us, after a hard day's work, they come home, they want to eat nobody wants to wash the dishes, barefoot. So, some other kind of arrangement has to be made here, you know, if this is his choice, in the sense of having her out and work,
if she has chosen to work,
but there is there is no need because he is providing sufficiently
then it remains our position responsibility to prepare the food, wash dishes, you know, etc. And if he wants to get a maid or whatever other because she is not obliged to go to work this is something she has chosen to add permission she has been permitted, but not out of necessity.
So, that basic relationship
we said then, is one of
providing on the part of the husband and
being on the part of the woman turns of looking after the home because this is the primary status of the family, the home woman is in the home and the
man is out providing for that home.
in the resolution of conflicts, which may occur within the home,
we go back to the same verse that we mentioned earlier that
whatever a law has decided regarding the issues has to be the basis by which the conflicts are resolved, as the law said in the photo do
only take it back to Allah and His Messenger a difference amongst yourselves worked on the same situation it works in the community and it worked within the family where there are differences then they should take it back to the Quran and the Sunnah as understood by the early generation of Muslim
So this has to be the basis of resolution meaning that
if the woman
Is the husband
or disagrees with the husband on a particular issue. And she has evidence on requirements from the supervisor position, then it is for her to present it to him. And it is for him to accept it. If there is a law
and the last day,
then he should not consider
the issue an issue of who's gonna win.
You know, is that a battle on here? No, and who is going to win? You know, I don't want to submit because it means now that I'm not a full man, because I like your argument.
It's about pleasing Allah.
It's about pleasing a lot.
And this should be the priority.
We spoke before about how the love for each other can lead the partners that husband and wife into sin,
a husband's wife
likes to dress a particular way.
And which is not according to requirements.
out of his love for her, he may permit her to leave the house in a way which is displeasing to Allah, wearing heavy perfume and things like that.
his love for her may permit
him to do that, and this is sinful, he will choose in sin, and he is insane also for permitting her to come on to the homeland.
Similarly, the wife
out of her love for us, but also may, as you mentioned,
in the answer when you're buying groceries, buy me a pack of cigarettes.
that's an edge.
Now, she knows Ha
ha, know that. But out of her love for us, then she buys the best manage.
She has aided him in since
it was her duty to inform him and to refuse to buy it.
In the morning,
when the wife wakes up, and the husband is fast asleep,
she shakes him to wake him is
Give me half an hour extra, you know, whatever
she thinks now Oh, he was up late work
for thing tired, let him sleep.
So she lets him sleep
till after sunrise.
She in her love for us
has aided him instead
she has aided him in sin.
Because she has not understood the context that her love should be
her love for him should drive her to want to ensure that he has pleased a lot.
The pleasure of Allah was more important.
So she should sprinkle water on him. And this is actually Heidi's
dimension about the wives sprinkling water on the husband.
I used to recommend it before I didn't know about this when I read it a
few weeks ago I was reading a particular article and they mentioned sprinkle water on it.
I mean it may be something very annoying, etc etc.
But as you see to get him up
and this is the true expression of love. The other one of letting him sleep is a distorted and mistaken expression.
So the criteria and in terms of how they deal with each other, in terms of how they resolve the conflicts, it has to be in accordance with the Quran and the Sunnah. Now,
because they issues are not clear from the crime and suddenly No,
no, it becomes an issue of which they are. Really what do we do now, neither really knows what to do. Then I realized that first victory in quantum lab animals are those who know if you don't know and you have to go to others.
This is where in a non Muslim society,
the importance of community
that that community there can help the family resolve its conflicts, and keep that family together.
Where the community is there, you know, as a backup to help.
It may help from a very basic
level, in the case where people are living in a particular area,
as we propose in terms of establishing the community, yeah, physical closeness,
where a husband might be tempted to beat his wife,
And she screams the neighbors here, Muslims here, they'll come knocking on the door. So he'll be shy to do
some things with us when they get out of line and be shy to do it, because the community is there not good for certain here.
Similarly, in the case of the woman, and the children can deal with them, because the rest of the community is looking around.
This may also help her in terms of a proper behavior with regards to the children, and also herself.
Where this is why
people living scattered away in different
parts of the island, not together. This promotes the breakdown of family, it promotes the disobedience of Allah. Because people in their natures feel comfortable when nobody else has anything to say to them, nobody else sees them in what they're doing, and you know, knows what they're doing, etc. So it's easier to fall into sin to disobedience.
And this is why the stress should always be there on establishing the community. So, for the resolution of conflicts,
which cannot be resolved within the home itself, then it may be taken to a higher authority. Of course,
the woman should not, or the man should not start to complain to their friends, the woman complains, the woman has been doing this, that's what's on the other hand, of course,
she's not complaining to them, and then hearing it to try to see how they can resolve it, it's just become that, oh, he's doing this doing that.
Similarly, the man thinks and consumer, the woman ends up like that, if we want to resolve,
then, if there is another family,
because the non Muslim society, families now and not extended families and the Islamic Society, what would happen is that the mother would go and go back to a mother,
a woman, a woman will go back to her mother and former mother or father, and they would intervene, or they're the parents of the young woman or the woman, the man would get together, try to resolve it, find a decision for them, you know, not having that extended family, then we go to a respected family in the community. And
they can be brought into the problem, the discussion to try to find some common ground. And if it is something which is beyond that cannot be resolved in this way, then it's necessary to be taken to the authority in the community. The Amir, are the one who the Emir of the community has appointed to handle, you know, such family matters.
This is the steps, we should always be careful in doing the same because, as I said, we don't want the problems within households to become no gossip in the community,
which doesn't serve to to benefit the situation, but only to create an ugly image of the people involved.
And ultimately, in non Muslim societies, this can spread out of the community into the non Muslim society, you know, and then further tarnish the image of Muslims in the community. So very important for us to follow proper guidelines. And when we find that there's some difficulty, of course, we should not run to the non Muslim authorities to resolve these conflicts which exists in the community.
family problems should be resolved within the community.
non Muslim society is not to their advantage. They are not looking out what's what's best for Muslims. Oftentimes, they will exploit
The problems within the family to distort the image, you know, to tarnish the image of Muslims in the society as a whole, we have to be considered, we have to reflect on the implications of our actions are we going to do take this step or that step we have to see and look to see where this is going to lead to what is the end result from it.
we can then say,
and looking at the Muslim family, in the non Muslim society,
we have a responsibility
as adults to prepare our children
to be the best components possible for families. The Muslim family is the core of the community. The society is built up by families, a series of families working together,
the family falls, corroded and the society falls, we have a major responsibility as adults, with families to ensure that our children are brought up in such a way that they will be the best husbands and wives possible. Coming together, knowing why they're coming together, what is the purpose of marriage? how that relationship should be, you know, what are the bounds?
Why do we limit?
What are the responsibilities,
these should be clear to them, they should be given as much of our experience as possible so that when they come into marriage, they are firmly grounded.
We do that in terms of the material world, we try to ensure that they get the best possible education they get, you know, and so we're very careful about the success in the material world. But then this area of marriage, which is broken part of Islam has come as a felon service, half of the religion, when we get full, we're sloppy with and we are in fact only hurting our own community. So we need to look at it seriously and more seriously. And we'll look at preparation of the children in terms of the academic
status and survival in the material world.
This is, these are the major thoughts that I
had in mind, I hope is
this is a clue. And most of this, you've heard before basically only a reminder kind of put it into some kind of structured view. And from here on, I guess we can go into the question and answer period where we can discuss
different aspects of what are presented as pertains to particular issues that may exist in this particular circumstance here.
I do not know
because it contains caffeine.
And then coffee and tea also should be declared.
Regarding smoking, as
well we can say is that
when cigarettes or tobacco first came to the Muslim world, the Ottoman Empire in the 15th century, after was brought back to Europe from America.
The scholars there
looked at the effects of smoking
and ruled that it was about
500 years ago, they ruled that it was more cruel. How did they come to the ruling of Baku, Baku, meaning that it was disliked?
If you didn't do it, you were rewarded. If you did it,
there was no sin against you. How did they come to that? Because this is not an arbitrary rule in place, according to how people feel
by the rules. When they looked at the effects of smoking, they saw that it produced bad breath.
Smokers breath as well.
So they went back into the shediac
to see what was the ruling regarding things which cause bad breath. And there was a clear ruling from
which he said those who eat raw onions and garlic should not come to our magic
Why because in our prayers, when we conclude our prayers, we conclude saying Allahu Allah Kumara Mottola
to each other, become very difficult during garlic and onions, you know, very uncomfortable with the nature of our prayer. So to prevent the harm that would come from it.
But you pray at home, meaning that the 2527 additional blessings that you would get from praying in the masjid, you are missing
anything which would stop you from getting these additional blessings when this was ruled as Baku, because it is stopping you from getting these benefits, right.
However, in 1980, the Surgeon General of the United States after some 25 years of research into the effects of tobacco and nicotine, much caffeine, but nicotine,
without any shadow of a doubt
tobacco smoking causes cancer.
we know causes death.
So scholars from that point onwards has now to look at the effects and find another ruling because the original ruling was based on the effect being bad Well, now we have another situation where the effect is dead.
So back into the shediac we find the Quran Allah says we'll attack to run seussical don't kill yourself. But that's the idea. Don't throw yourself at the destruction you find in the sunlight but that's what I'm saying love
We find also in the Sunnah,
saying that whoever kills itself
will find itself in the Hellfire killing itself in the same way perpetually.
So on the basis of that
ruling by a number of scholars who looked at this again, became haram forbidden.
Yes. Without saying again, it's not a print, it's not an issue of whim.
The declaration has to be based on precedents in the Quran and the Sunnah, ministers principle of chaos, where you take a ruling from the Sharia and you apply it to your new situation. This is something done by the Sahaba something done by the scholars all along. This is what you find in the fifth of Abu hanifa Malika Nana's
Nava Shafi Ahmed is the humble This is
they are making rulings that this is haram based on the
precedent found in the Quran and the Sunnah.
So another arbitrary ruling, it is an issue of
an issue of
if you do it, it is a sin. If you don't do it, you are rewarded
nothing nice 40%
exactly what I'm saying.
That's exactly what the scholars are saying. that smoking is a
it is haram. It's a sin. Why? Because you are taking a substance with
You know, can kill you
and that is an act of suicide. If I take