Emotionally Traumatized, Spiritually Recovering #04

Nouman Ali Khan

Channel: Nouman Ali Khan

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hamdu Lillahi holofil would you live in a large majority newly winner volume or mostly just somebody with a mobile data with you Allah let them finish guru who added masa AB can manage guru who Alinea one of solea Allah rasulillah chrome shadowfell Ashram we will neural atom will cater with makan or command in the beginner will have some say they will have the Adam and Eve a shot over here is salumeria with Oliveira city here, Rahim alayhis salam in a county of Furukawa debating la Haram. For some Allahu alayhi wa sallam, he hide in Oman, La Nina barakallahu Bianca fitness a lot of amenti 100 Allah Allah de la mia tequila Don William yaku Kula who shaniqua Facebook Allah Nicola

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Julio minutos de what can beautiful tequila and hamdulillah Illa De Anza Allah Allah

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Allahu Allah. Allah hamdulillah Latina Ahmed who want to start earning who want to sell Pharaoh we know we want to tell our Kalani when our Ruby let him in surely unforeseen. Amin sejati Emily, Melina, when you have a level four level the letter on your forehead the Allah when Allah Allah is Allahu la sharika wanna shadow Anna Mohammed Abdullah he was solo or salvo loudhailer Buddha. Medina Happy leovera who attained equally worker fabula he shader for some wahala he was seldom at the Sleeman kathira Sierra Nevada in that study he tabula or halen had he had you Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a shopping mall in Makkah to have an akula setting with our local habitat in

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Walla Walla Walla. Now,

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Allah azza wa jal vikita will carry an akula Aruba Billahi min ash shaytani r rajim. Either the Sani Musa

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motil Kenya moto and tamanu Allah yeah and I but avenues like el Kala phenomenal, warm Arambula and I mean Allah Bustamante will all be warmer but you know Houma incontournable cleaning

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rubbish actually solder he was silly me looked at me Sania Coco de la Motta bitdefender, multi Villa ilaha illa Allah how much I'm now in a Latina Avenue amulets, Ali had what was a bit happy, but there was always somebody I mean, you know, but I mean, as I continue this series that is based on the dialogue that takes place between Moosa and Mossad examine Iran, and really from a particular angle, the angle from which we can learn to not only understand how to recuperate after being in a traumatic situation, but also to deal with, you know, high intensity situations and confrontational situations in a way that is not only healthy for us, but also inspired by Allah's guidance. That's

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the sort of motivation behind this. So my, my intention for all of you that are listening, and even for myself, is to take this reminder from this remarkable legacy of Mussolini. And that's been captured and sort of Shut up, and apply some of these wisdoms and some of this counsel for our own lives, to really identify ourselves some of our thought process and some of our behavior and some of our communication and improve it for the better for ourselves and for those that are around us. So here, I'm going to start with something on the positive side, it's kind of a combination of positive and negative last time I spoke about, you know, how he has to acknowledge his own flaw. But he also

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has, that doesn't mean that it dismisses him from saying the right thing. Now we're going to pick up on that saying the right thing component and build on it a little bit further. And that is that he has to say something rather offensive, because when you when you correct, someone who is doing or saying something wrong, when you correct someone, then by definition, you are being offensive. being offensive is part of being truthful. You cannot be truthful and not be offensive, actually. Okay, so

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there's no such thing as the truth being spoken, without someone being hurt, or without someone being offended, that comes with it. So, you know, when when we say, for example, we should we should be mindful of the feelings of others.

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we confuse two different things. And I've talked about this in previous talks, but I want to simplify it this time. So it sticks in your head and Shall I in my own, there are two things in there two dimensions of communication, what is being said and how it's being said, right? So it could be something simple, like it's cold outside, close the window. Something simple. That's what is being said, it's cold outside, close the window, but you can also say like it's cold outside of the window. You said the same exact thing. It's the same words from the same dictionary. They mean the same things. What has been said has not changed at all. But the way you said it just became

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offensive. Right? You just became hurtful. So the thing is, our religion teaches us the how and the what

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and the how cannot be offensive.

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How cannot you cannot take an angry tone? Raise your voice? You know, we've, when we went through the series on sort of look, man, you know, well, Boardman, Celtic look you keep your voice slow the prophets I was telling us to control our temper control our anger, there's a there's an ethic and our communication in how we speak that is always there. While that is there, when I have to say something that is true,

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it can still be offensive no matter how respectful I am.

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So I have to say the right thing, I'm obligated to say the right thing. And I know that it will be offensive. So here's the this is a little bit tricky. And I hope I'm able to get this across to all of you and and again, remind myself of it is that sometimes we say the truth. So you want to say something that's true.

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And you figure because it's true, it gives you the right to be offensive in the way you say it too. Right? It's the truth you need to hear it. Yeah, it is the truth. But I don't need to hear it like this. So just because something is true, doesn't allow me to use inappropriate styles of communication to get that truth across. So the communication must remain respectful, direct, purposeful, it has to remain those things. Their communication cannot steer away from the truth itself. And you add some other things on top of it like insults, you can't do that you have to stick to the truth. You're new give you a realistic example. You're having an argument with a family

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member. Right. And there's something true you wanted to say to them, the way you should not have transferred those funds, those were not your funds, something, some of some financial issue, right? Uncle, you should not have transferred those funds. Those are not your funds to transfer. He starts getting angry, losing his mind starts yelling at you, who are you? I file for your immigration papers, you're going to talk to me like that. And he starts insulting you and sort of berating you at that point, because they're being offensive. You want to be offensive right back? No, actually, at that point, you need to hold on to the fact that what you said was truthful. And you said it in a

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respectful way, in a direct way. Clearly it was offensive because truth is pretty much always offensive. If it matters, it's going to be offensive. But it won't allow you to also now raise your voice and and respond in kind. Oh, yeah, well, what about you? And you remember none other than that you can't go down that road, you have to stick with the truth itself. This is all coming from what we're dealing with what we're looking at in the narrative of you have lusardi so now that I won't try to psychologically manipulate him shame him by saying that you're an ingrate by saying you lived here your entire life. How can you speak this way? Musashi Salaam has a truth he has to deliver. And

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the truth he has to deliver is that the Israelites have been unjustified Lee and justifiably made slaves. So he says this, he says, What tilka near Matan tamanu has an avatar beneath him. That is, in fact a favor you did for me justifying that you enslave the Israelites. He's basically highlighting that I am saying something rational. And even though what you brought up is true, I am grateful for you having raised me, it doesn't change the fact that I have a truth that is still offensive to bring these two things will stand together, these are both and one is not a substitute for the other. This is a pretty courageous thing to do, to speak to somebody knowing that they're

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going to get offended, and still stick to your guns and say what is coherent and consistent. And say something that makes sense and purposeful. This is actually it takes a great deal of confidence to do that. And this is this is an act of confidence also. And we're gonna we're gonna dig into confidence more because confidence is one of the most fundamental qualities, a human being needs, just in life, and also in this faith, that one of the core, you know, personal traits that Islam and the Quran puts inside of a believer is actually confidence. We have this confidence that Allah is with us. And when we feel that support, when we have that support that spiritual support system, it

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makes us confident in practically any situation in life. You Musab Islam, a convict from the Egyptian legal standpoint is, you know, confidently speaking to the most powerful, you know, military and political ruler and figure on Earth at the time, and he's standing there with confidence calling him out. Right? This is an act of profound confidence. So he says, Well, typically I'm not into manohara. Yet, Elan. What I want to highlight to you now is a something that can destroy confidence. So he said something, he was coherent, he was logical. And now the pharaoh is going

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To respond in what I Can you can you can look at it in psychological terms as dismissiveness. Okay, so it's he says, Allah will call a phenomenal amount of autonomy. The Pharaoh said, What master of all nations. Now musala Islam came on I came to him to say, you know, in our soul out of beta alanine, we are in our pseudo Rabbil aalameen We are both meaning Harun and I both have come as messengers of the master of all nations. So the master of all nations is a who, right? Who is the master of all nations? Look at the pharaohs, condescending question what master of all nations? He didn't say who is the master of all nations? Who is what would it mean? He said, Mara would tell me

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what master of all nations? In other words, he's dismissing the whole point, what are you talking about? This is the modern equivalent of, you know, the ancient equivalent when we say modern times, like, What are you talking about? What? Huh? You know here,

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this is dismissiveness, you will bring something with confidence with substance, something that matters. And people that are able to make you feel worthless in a split second can act like what you said is so illogical, and so not worthy of a response, that they can turn it into what? Just a what?

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What are you talking about? What God?

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Does this alone

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can make you feel like you're worth nothing? You start questioning yourself, like, Did I say something wrong? Do I need to re rethink my position? Maybe you know, I'm not convincing enough. Maybe I'm not enough, maybe what I have to say isn't enough. All of this is to throw you off your game. And this dismissive, this is a very powerful tactic in life. There are people that you need to talk to about something really important. You need to, we need to listen, we need to discuss this. You need to address this wrong that you're doing. And they'll say, we're not talking about this.

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What are you talking about? No. ignore it.

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Walker. I'm watching TV right now. Listen, I have work today later in about five hours. Don't stress me out right now. What now? Again?

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Oh, you want to talk about this again? Get up. Leave it alone already. In other words, and they can by the way, some people can do this for years. They can spend decades ignoring one thing. And the funny thing is they'll turn around and say, Oh, you you keep wanting to talk about that. Why do you keep on because you've never talked about it. You've actually never talked about you kick the can down the road every time. You've never addressed it. That's why it keeps coming up. If it was actually addressed, it would never come up again. Right. So their way of dismissal. dismissal comes in different forms. It comes in the form of making you feel like you said something ridiculous, even

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though you didn't it makes it it can come across as Why do you Why are you even wasting my time with this? Don't bother me with this. I have more important things to do. And this is exactly what Mousavi said I was being made to feel he's being made to feel like he's stands on no ground. He's wasting the king's time. So he says no matter what I mean, but here's where confidence when you know when you know from your rub, you know, this is 400 men lobby Now, when we have evidence from our master when when Allah's word has given you confidence that what you're saying is true. What you're seeing is the right thing, it is the truth, then it doesn't matter who dismisses it, whether it's a

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loved one or someone who hates you, whether it's someone who has influenced or doesn't have influence someone who's intimidating or not intimidating. They're that bullying tactic and that dismissing tactic doesn't work. And it doesn't work on musante salon. He's able to fight through it and what does he say? He says, Prabhu sumati what are the one Marina who mineco tomoki Nene, the master of the skies in the earth, and everything in between them.

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You see that? This is really important. The Pharaoh Pharaoh did not ask. Tell me more about Robben Island he he didn't actually ask that. He what he said was a way of dismissing and tossing away the conversation altogether.

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Getting rid of the conversation altogether. Musashi saddam is responding as though that what what God What would it mean, wasn't sarcastic it was actually literal, even those are nice. I was very keenly aware that he's being sarcastic. Is rhetorically dismissive. That's what he's doing. But he just like he's being dismissive of Mousavi Salaam. Musab Islam learns or teaches us here that you can be dismissive of someone's dismissiveness his genius Actually, he is pretending that what he says did not get dismissed. In fact, it got asked about and he will continue to articulate what he has to say. He's not going to fall into the psychological game.

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He feels like there's no more room for him to say what he needed to say. But yet at the same time, he's not getting offended. This is the key for you and me to learn. He's like, What do you mean? What do you think of what I'm saying? Is it important? Now you see, you just got emotional. You left the you're not speaking the truth now that the house is emotional, the house needs to stay calm and cool, collected, and he stays calm, he stays cool. And he responds methodically and says, The master of the skies in the earth. Since you're asking, I'll describe a lesson more. Because the first description wasn't good either me. Now, the next description is the master of the skies in the

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earth, which is actually systematically, really important. Because there's a progression in the argument. The Pharaohs believed that they were children of God. And they believe that their God was the sun, raw, the sun god raw, and they were children of the Sun God on this earth. When Mousavi Salaam says the master of the skies and the earth, he's actually challenging the worldview, the false worldview, he's actually furthering his logical argument about Allah Himself. And in it, he's actually crushing the myth that they believe in. By seeing the numbers, somehow it will remind everyone and everything in between what is everything in between the sky, that the sun is in between

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the skies in the earth, and the people are between the skies of the earth. So you who think you're divine, and you think your divinity comes from there, none of this is divine, I speak on behalf of the actual divinity, and although somehow it would otherwise have been over,

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but then

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musasa adds yet another dimension to this. And this is again, a show of confidence.

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We're often so much of what we say is determined by the thought that comes on to us is who's listening? What is their reaction going to be? What are they going to think when they hear what I have to say?

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the opinions of others have a huge bearing on what we say, you know, this, this is studied in social psychology, right, the way you behave, the way you sit, even the way you're the intonation of your speech can change, because of the effect of someone walking. And many of you that are some of you are in school, or college or university now and you remember your days in school, college university, when the teacher picks on you to answer a question. It's, you're not just concerned about the question that got asked. You're having a nervous wreck inside because all the kids are looking at you, the teacher is looking at you, if you get this wrong, everybody's gonna laugh, he's

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gonna get upset. There's a social anxiety that came with having to say something publicly, you understand, which is again, something that's the opposite of confidence, right? It's something that we fear inside of us ourselves, the shaming, or the humiliating judgment of others, they will see me as inferior, depending on what I say, right? So Musashi Salaam, is no longer concerned about what someone else thinks of me based on what I have to say, why not? Why was he able to shed that social anxiety off of him, he was able to shed that social anxiety because when you have the truth from Allah, then the only concern the only one you realize the only one you ever had to impress. And the

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only one whose judgment you had to worry about is Allah's. And everybody else's judgment became irrelevant.

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Which is why it's okay for him to come and speak a truth, which he knows will be offensive to his father figure because it's, it's in play in the pleasure of Allah, even if it's in the offense of someone else. And now, there are also courtiers, there's, you know, there's not just ferroan it's his generals, it's the other soldiers, it's, it's a full king's court, there are people inside that room, and Musashi Salaam is so confident now that he can actually not only not, you know, feel dismissed life in our own, he takes a further step and says, since you're being dismissive of something that is reasonable, maybe you're not capable of thinking, because you're so you're, you're

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so addicted to dismissing things you don't want to hear. It's blocking your ability to think clearly. I wonder if other people in this audience have a better ability to think than you do.

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I wonder if they're, you know, I can see that the President is incredibly stupid. I wonder if the rest of the administration lost their brain cells to

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and so he's so confident that he's able to not only dismiss the dismissal of our own now he's gonna dismiss fit on himself and say, in kuntum, walking in, if in fact, all of you are ready to be convinced if in fact, this talk is the plural walking in una ina. Right. It's the it's

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About this the habit of control here mukuni means if all of you are in fact ready to be convinced, or you have conviction inside of you, then perhaps I should be talking to you instead.

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In other words, he realizes My job is not to convince one person, my job is to deliver the truth. And if someone does not want to have reasonable conversation, then maybe someone else will want to have a reasonable conversation. I'm okay with that. He doesn't see it as a failure, that the Pharaoh's not hearing what he has to say. He doesn't see it that way. So when you and I have to say something that's truthful, if we're concerned with how impressed someone is going to be, or whether or not they're going to be convinced with what I have to say, we're looking at it the wrong way. That is not the way to look at it, the way to look at it is, am I seeing the truth? Am I seeing it

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in a dignified, respectful way?

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And if I am going to be met with dismissal, I can just like they're dismissing what I'm saying it's okay for me to dismiss that. And I can continue to have a conversation rationally and reasonably. Right. So you have for example, in the world of social media, much of our communication now is on social media, right? So you have the world of comments, any content, anything, there's old Arab saying liquid, liquid, liquid pub jawab, right? Every, every speech has a response. And now every speech has a million responses, right? And so responses come in all different types of categories, right? So there could be somebody who just appreciate just loves everything you're saying.

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There could be somebody who absolutely hates everything you're saying doesn't they don't even hear what you have to say they already hate it. Right? And then there are people who say, I heard what you have to say. But here's my criticism. I heard what you have to say. And I would add this. In other words, it's a thoughtful conversation. So what happens to the two, I love everything, and I hate everything that you have to recognize as something that is there. These people are perhaps even dismissing what you're actually saying. So it's okay, you can appreciate that and just let it be. But the actual conversation is happening with those who are capable of an actual conversation, and

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are what is the what is the, the the telling feature of a an actual conversation, that the truth is being spoken argument is being made. But lines are never getting crossed? name calling is never happening. Anger is not being used, you know, labels are not being put on somebody. We're capable of civil conversation, we are capable of civil disagreement. We're capable of intellectual arguments, we're, it's okay for me to be on the opposite end from you on some issue, and we can have a normal conversation. And it might be that by the end of that conversation, I have changed my view.

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Or maybe you've changed your view, or I've changed half my view, and you've changed half of yours, that's completely fine. That can happen that that's normal exchange. But that requires a degree of confidence when when you and I become too quick to agree.

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And when you and I become too quick to disagree, you know what that shows, that shows a lack of confidence. We don't have the confidence in ourselves to say, I will hear what's being said carefully, and I'll process it. And then I'll give my response. Right? Because we don't even have confidence in ourselves and someone who's just, you know, you know, offended too quickly or angry too quickly. Why are they so angry because there's they feel so safe inside their echo chamber, they feel so safe inside their little bubble, that when they hear something that opposes it, they don't want to hear any more. They don't want to learn it because oh, that's I can't handle that I can't

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handle an intelligent conversation. It's going to it might challenge what I believe and not hold so dear. Right? So it's kind of a safety response. Again, a lack of confidence musante salaam is there to hear out what the federal says actually you listen to him carefully to fit our own. He listened to him carefully. And the only time he dismissed him is when he saw dismissal from from federal and himself. Right. So these are important features of effective communication, and of being able to deal with antagonistic situations in a way that is inspired by the Koran in a way that will make us better communicators in every part of our life, whether this is in family or in politics, or in at

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work. This of these principles apply across the board. This is this can be used for a governor, this can be used somebody it's by somebody who's in a political campaign. This can be used for social and political activists, this can be used for you and your family. Because the principles apply apply across the board. Right? And so I pray that Allah azza wa jal empowers us to use these principles to be mindful of them when we're communicating and help us realize that when somebody is not actually engaged in that kind of civil conversation that you don't have to waste your time. But you can stay on your point you don't have to get distracted. So inshallah we'll we'll continue our conversation

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about what we can learn

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from Lisa Lisa, and this kind of positive psychology from him in our next horbat barakallahu li walakum Hakim one of our annual El Camino at

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hamdulillah salatu salam O Allah anybody who lives in Osaka also some other funny Mohammed Nabi Muhammad amin, whether he also bH mine for the long run so we're just kidding but the anahola route we let him in shape on the regime in Allahumma lunarlon Libya you alladhina amanu sallu Allah he was a little too steep up Allahumma salli ala Muhammad wa ala Muhammad Rasul Allah for him are the Haemophilia element in the capital budget. Allah Mubarak Allah Mohammed Ali Muhammad, Muhammad Ali Mohammed amin in the middle Majeed by the Lafayette Nakamoto that will lie in the lie and will be added with a sandwich at the local bar when hard and fast shot you will not go quality

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although you know Michael stone me Salah in so that I can live will be Nikita mahkota