Channel: Nouman Ali Khan
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Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah Allah the Navajo monastery who want to still fiddle with me, no, he wanted to do it. When I wrote the villa he mentioned the unforeseen. Our minister Yadier Molina. When you have the hula hula mubadala, homonuclear Allah Allah when a shadow Allah ilaha illAllah the hula sharika when a shadow Ana Mohammed Abdullah he also Salah Hola, hota hai la Buddha within Huck, you hear a halogen equally kafa biLlahi shahida bussola Allahu alayhi wa seldom at the Sleeman kathira Sierra Nevada knuckleheaded Nikita Willa hadal howdy howdy mohammedans sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, initial alma mater to Hawaii Nicola just attended UCLA with it and Allah Allah Allah Allah
Allah Allah azza wa jal, Karim brother and akula Ruth Villa administrate Anna regime
fathia filarmonica Kula in Rasulullah blind I mean and obviously mine avenues like el Kala Alam norumbega, phenol walidah. Whatever is the phenomenon woody cassadine have identified as a candidate for alpha intermedial Kathleen,
published recently where Sally Emery rocks at Emily Sania koko de la subida, Antonio de la ilaha illa, Allah, Allah Medina, Mina Latina, Amina Mohammed Hassan, you heard what there was hope will help people to sob sob. I mean, you know, but I mean,
this is a continuation of what I started last week speaking about emotional trauma, and some of its components that are talked about in the Quran. And I've been spending the last week just thinking about how to continue this series, because there's such a vast amount to cover. But I realized that I should stick to a method that I've been committed to for so long, and that is allowing the Quran to dictate the course of the material to be covered. So my plan in Sharla, is to go through the as much of this conversation as possible in the series of photos, and to analyze the components that I haven't done in the past and to highlight things about what we can recognize in terms of not just
trauma, and how to deal with abusive trauma, in shallow data in light of all those words. So where I want to start today is really something about the word abuse, we think of this word as something that's used in extreme cases. So when you say that somebody is a victim of abuse, for instance, then you will think of somebody who has been maybe hospitalized because they got beat up, right, or somebody has been kicked out of their home or some really, really extreme, outrageous circumstance that we find, okay, now that was abusive, or somebody really raised their voice or really went out of their way to insult or humiliate someone, that would be abusive behavior. But
actually, the term abuse can be used for something much more silent, it can be used for something that's kind of like a slow boil. Probably many of you are familiar with the example of you know, the, the the frog experiment that if you put a frog in scorching boiling hot water, and it jumps out of it right away, but if you take a frog, and you put it in the water, and you allow it to boil slowly, it doesn't realize that it's being boiled intended until it's too late. And a lot of times psychological abuse takes that form. It's something slow and building up and continuous. And it's kind of setting somebody up for being controlled. And there are two sides of that there's the
victim, and then there's the abuser. And no one is 100% a victim and no one is 100%, an abuser there are spectrums in between, but the Koran does make things in some cases black and white. So we can see the qualities of an abuser and the qualities of someone who they're trying to make into a victim. So we can recognize both of those elements clearly. And then we have to figure out in our lives where we stand, it might end up being that I'm in a position of a victim, or I'm in the position of the abuser, or that I'm a victim in some things and an abuser and others that may be the case too. So I'm But that requires an honest look at ourselves. So one of the disclaimers that I
want to give as I speak about this subject is it's very easy to put ourselves in a position where we say, Well, I heard this and I can think of like four people that are exactly like this. And we're not thinking about ourselves. We'd hate to put ourselves in that, that mirror view. Do I have any element of this in me? Right? That's a very hard thing to do. Because human beings are not prone to look at their own flaws. It's not easy for us to do that. Allah says but inside of LFC he will see a lot when no other human beings are invest full view of their own selves. The human being is even though he makes all kinds of excuses, he casts excuses. In other words, we are defensive about
ourselves. And it's obviously something that happens when somebody else insults us and we get that How dare you reaction immediately. But this is not about somebody else pointing the finger at me or somebody else pointing the finger at you. This is about us looking at the Quran as a contemplation for our behavior, our own behavior, and also of course, recognizing abusive behavior around ourselves. So it's both of those things because we're not immune. Allah says to us, love to the cool
enforce our code, don't declare yourself as pure. Another way of thinking about that is don't consider yourself self righteous. You're not so pure yourselves. So it's probably bad for us to think that everything I'm saying is only pointed at somebody else. It's also equally bad that we you hear something, and you only blame yourself. These are two extremes that happen. And they actually are both, interestingly enough, a form of self obsession. Someone who's you know, has this narcissistic tendency, and we'll get into the psychological definition of narcissism and how the Quran deals with that subject and what the Quran comments on the subject later on. But there are
different shades of narcissism, somebody was obsessed with themselves, there are two shades, two very different shades of it. One shade of it is someone who thinks they're more important than everybody else. Right? their feelings matter, nobody else's feelings matter. What they want is priority what anybody else wants and is not priority. They're not able to empathize, they're not able to connect with somebody else emotionally, they're not able to have even sympathy for somebody else. So long as it furthers them, their ego, their recognition, their agenda, their goal, their greed, whatever it may be their status, their authority, you know, that's it, that's all that
matters. looking out for number one, that's one kind of narcissist. But the other kind is actually very subtle. It's someone who constantly thinks that everybody's out to get them and they're the victim, and they want special treatment, because they are constantly being victimized by everybody else, everybody else does wrong to me, I need special treatment, because I'm always getting beat up. Right? That's also a kind of self obsession. Now you can't see anything you're doing wrong, because everybody else is always doing something wrong. Right. So one is kind of a positive arrogance, which is I'm better than everybody else. And nobody else is as important as I am. And I'm beyond flaws.
And the other is I'm so broken, that I'm so beat up and everybody hates me. And that's why I need special treatment. Right? So that's also an obsession with the self. And these are, those are extremes that I'm talking about. But there are there's a spectrum in between. So I don't want any of you as you listen to these things to go into the extremes to for myself also to become extremely defensive about myself, or to become extremely self victimizing. And so yeah, that's exactly me. You know, those none of those, neither of those are healthy. And, you know, I pray that we're able to maintain that, that balance, and that you know, that sincerity to the word of Allah, and to see
ourselves and others in an honest light. So, I start I left off just commenting on the fact that Mousavi salon was brave enough to confront the pharaoh on the last command and say it not also Laura, Bill alameen, and our Silvana Peninsula in, we are, in fact, the Messenger of the master of all nations and all people who sign huddle and say that and we come on account of the fact that you must now let the Israelites go. Right. So there are two components. Really interestingly, they mean, this story is universal. So every component of this story has some universal value. There are two things that Mossad Islam is asking, or making is declaring, one of them is spiritual. So he's saying
he comes as a as a messenger of Rabbil aalameen, of the master of all nations, right? So he's talking about Allah. He's talking about Allah, that's, that's a spiritual component, and our cinema and erwinia surah II, and you let we become so that you let the sons of Israel meaning the children of Israel, the Israelites were enslaved by the Egyptian Emperor, right, you need to let them go, they are no longer to be your slaves, right, which is a social or a call to action. It's not a spiritual declaration. It's actually the end to end injustice. Right? So there's a, when someone speaks a truth, there's a spiritual truth, and tie to that spiritual truth is the call for some kind
of justice. Right, those two things go hand in hand, very simply in your life, you could say, for example, your uncle is, you know, not not treating his sons fairly, or something like that. Or he's, you know, he's not dealing with his business partner fairly, you can start with something spiritual, like how we all have to stand in front of Allah one day, and Allah will make what's fair, fair, and he's gonna ask us about everything that we do. And on that spiritual basis, maybe you can softly give the advice about maybe you should treat your business partner better. Maybe you shouldn't be lying to him about how much income you're making, or something like that, right. So there's a
spiritual Foundation, and then there's a call to righteous action to the right thing to do. And that's both of those components are here. He's not saying this is really important, too. I'm not saying you're wrong. Ally's teaching me that you're doing something wrong. So I don't I'm not speaking on my own behalf. If you don't value what I have to say, if you don't care what my opinion means, because you know, you could come to someone. Last time I talked about power dynamics, you come to someone with a higher power position than yourself, an older brother, a parent and a grandfather and uncle or employer, a teacher, whoever, and you approach them about something they're
doing wrong or something that is wrong. But if you're coming from a position of
Listen, I just wanted to let you know, or remind you that what I'm going to tell you what I'd like to sincerely advise you on is not because I hate you, it's not because I see honestly you put down is because Allah wants it this way, look at what Allah is saying and look at what you're doing. Right and I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of Allah's word. And so I'm sincerely advising you of this, right? So it's actually an act of love, actually to correct somebody lovingly, and to do so with the backing of Allah's word. Now, this is very different than slapping somebody with religion and using an IR Hadees to humiliate someone, that's not what we're talking about here. But when he's
engaged in such an atrocious behavior, dealing with people in this way, he you know, he gets support from the mention of Allah first in not a pseudo bit either mean, and then he makes the call, you need to look that the Israelites going. It's interesting connection, right? And that is you treat them as your slaves, but they already have a master. Their master is Allah mean, and I came on the Masters behalf, he wants his slaves back. They're not your slaves. They're his slaves, you understand? So it's like, it's putting somebody in their position. And Allah does this in the Quran, even in, for example, in really interesting passages on Divorce Law in sort of Bukhara. And at the
end, like, for example, when I was talking about how not to engage in an abusive process, when the divorce proceedings are happening, and at the end of it, Allah azza wa jal mentions his highest status. Why would you mention his highest status because one person thinks, oh, they're getting away with something and the other person, they're getting away with something. No one's getting away with anything. So long as you recognize I'm the highest authority, I will decide how to how to act, act this out, your vendetta, your grudge, your you know, your scars from before, none of them override my instructions on how to deal with this situation, you understand? So that's, this is what a lot
xojo does. This is how he pivots us to act in the right way. So anyway, so busara Lisa says this. But what I wanted to dedicate this Padma to really is Pharaoh's response and really thinking about his response, so far, has just heard something very legitimate. And you know, the there are a few background things you need to know, you would think the pharaoh has the you know, his own superstitious religion in which he's a god, he's the son of the, you know, he's the child of the sun god raw, and they have their mythology and their ancient tradition. But in fact, we learned in the Quran that they were very familiar with Islam, they knew that there's only one God, and that he
sends profits and profits get revelation. And in fact, he knew that because this empire was only able to become an empire, because of the dream of Yusuf Ali Salaam. And they remembered that in their history, they recognized him, they understood that he was a prophet, they knew that he talked about Allah all the time, they knew that he talked about messenger ship all the time, and this is referred to endo put on elsewhere. So this is important to know, because it's not like the pharaohs hearing something he's never heard before. Or he has no idea. He knows. He knows. And there's even, you know, some kind of a illusionary reference in the Quran. So coffee, it seems to indicate not
explicitly but implicitly, that use of Ali Salaam, warned them that a messenger might come, that another messenger will come in this messenger, meaning use case on the previous Prophet came to save the land of Egypt. But if you deny the next one, that if you deny Him, it might destroy the land of Egypt. So when the next prophet comes, you should believe in him. And that's why they said, Oh, when Moses when you so die, lennier Allah who invented the hero Sula, you're the people who said meaning the pharaohs themselves. You're the people who said Allah will not send another messenger after him. Why would they even say that because implicitly, because you said may have told them Allah will be
sending the messenger. Right. And he himself did not declare himself a messenger. He was just a newbie. So he's talking about another messenger to come, which would be musasa himself. So the prophecy has now come true. And the pharaohs are big believers in prophecy, by the way, they believe in these things. And they held us up in a very high position. So he wasn't like you know, in previous nations, prophets were heard and they were dismissed, and the people call them crazy, and then pay attention to them. Yusuf is not like that use case I was made a governor, a minister. He's considered a savior of Egypt, his word, and that word also based on his interpretation, of a dream
of a prophecy that he made about how the famine is gonna play out. So they paid close attention to the prophecies of use of you understand what that background in mind when Moosa comes back and says, that I have come on behalf of the master of all nations, that you let the Israelites go. There's another component to that. And that component is they know the history of the Israelites. And it's actually because of the Israelites, that particular Israelite use of it so that Egypt was safe to begin with. So how are you taking the people that saved this nation, and you have now you enslave them? Have you forgotten that history because you still remember yourself? So how did you forget the
Have you serve? And how did you take his children and turn them into slaves? So there's a lot of that commentary embedded in these few words. And now when when when Fidel and response fit our own response in some really interesting, really interesting ways I referred to some of this last time, but I'll highlight other things about it today. alumna Rebecca Faena will look at these words carefully. Now. Last time I told you, didn't we raise you here since you were a baby? Did we not raise you here, since you were a baby. So the word alum neuron, because neuron B comes from Rob by Europe de tarbiat. And tarbiyah in Arabic, is to allow something to be nourished, and to nurture and
to grow. The Pharaoh is making claim that word we the ones that nurtured you that allowed you to grow, that allowed you to develop, we'd like you know, a gardener takes careful care of the plant. And so, and then those of you that are familiar with Arabic alumno be Qawwali, then feanor, then we nurture you, as since being a newborn in our midst fee now the Buddha Allah will ferrell goes at the end, but here you find alumna Rebekah, thi na walidah. It's macadam. What that means in Simple English is, Do you realize what a privilege it is that we're the ones that raised you. And that too, in our own midst. It's not just that I financed you while you lived in the ghettos, I allowed you to
stay within our midst, you who have no class position to be here, we're given this privilege. So the first element of the speech of the pharaoh is to make musante some realize how inferior and how unworthy he even is, of the good things that have been done to him by by, by federal sound familiar. This is a very powerful tactic, that when the one in a position of control, when they hear something they don't want to hear, when they're asked to confront a truth that they need to confront, they will remind you that you are so unworthy of the good that has been done to you all along, while you even before you made this offence of speaking up. Even before this, you were unworthy of any of it.
You didn't deserve any of it were the ones that were charitable, were the ones that allowed you to stay in our midst, and we nurtured you. we nurture you. What kind of nurturing was this kind of nurturing of, you know, fit our own gift with our own can give material nurturing, it's true, he can allow him to live in a palace. It can provide him food, breakfast, lunch, and dinner, he can give him royal clothing, which he probably had, it could probably give him a beautiful horse or ride a chariot status. These things will sadly some probably enjoyed. But now you see raising someone from the fifth Allen worldview and raising someone from the emaan worldview and the difference between
them. There are people who will give you material things.
And they will give you nothing spiritually, nothing morally, nothing ethically How did you raise him a millionaire and you made you made it okay to have slaves.
Because those two things are not mutually because I did so much good to you. In the material sense I provided you a high level political education, you will learn how things work inside the palace in the court. I'm sure musala salaam was very much familiar with the economics of the of the country. And the more complex things that were happening in Egyptian society was, is the most advanced society of its time. So he's got a high level PhD level kind of education. In fact, some historians even argue that royalty from around the world used to send their young to the Egyptian Empire to gain higher education. So Musab Islam is basically being raised in the Harvard of the time, right?
He's getting that high class education. But that education comes at the same time with moral bankruptcy. Right, spiritually, and morally, he's getting nothing from the phenomenon. Nothing from him. In fact, the only way he's getting data secretly from his biological mother, and actually also secretly from his adoptive mom, Asya. That's where he's getting it from. But for our own claims that what he gave him is actually nurturing. So what you see now is two different worldviews. Someone who feels they've done a lot, even though they've done good in the material sense which can't be denied at the expense of a moral upbringing x at the expense of teaching right from wrong, because in fact,
what Musashi Simon's coming and saying is completely right. And there will be people who may have done some good for you. They've done some good for you. But they've also they may have done material good for you while they've done spiritual and emotional harm against you at the same time. So both those things have happened at the same time, but they'll claim and they'll make you feel inferior, or you might make them feel inferior for the material gain. You may have given them the material support you may have given them, even though you were you know, destroying them emotionally and spiritually. Even though that was the case
And that's where lm norumbega feanor where leader comes from. And the fact that when you do something, if you do something for someone you love is the other part of this. If you genuinely love somebody, and you give them something, you give your you give your dad a car, right? Or you give your brother You paid off your brother's loan or something, you did something for somebody, you never bring it up again.
Doesn't matter if they hurt your feelings. That's not why you gave it to them. So Oh, so that time I paid your tuition you forgot already. You see, I knew you didn't deserve it, you would never do that. And if you do do that, then you have a quality fit.
You see that? He's highlighting. If he did something out of nurturing love for musante cetera, then it's done. You did it out of love. It's not brought up. It's not used to remind the favor and to make someone feel how small and insignificant they are. Because everything you've done for them, the kind of people who like to remind how much everything was done for someone. That's the kind of person that does it that that shows that that giving was not actually out of genuine love. It's actually out of eventually this will be via means of control. I'm giving, giving, giving, I'm gonna get a return on my investment. If not a material return on my investment. Maybe I'll get control
this way. Because they'll always be buried under my favor. Well, if you gave and you gave for sincere genuine reasons, then you don't bring it up again. In fact, even the Quran says you Hello the nama Lula da da da da Cathy Campbell money while others other
colonial fakuma huria nurse.
Believers don't cancel out any charities you may have given by imposing it as a favor later on. By bringing it up and by saying hurtful things. Right. So now that's exactly what he's done here. And that's exactly my you might find somebody doing. And that's a way of putting you in place. It everything I'm saying about Frauen has an effect on the listener. What effect is he hoping to have on moose eyes What I'll conclude with today? What effect is he hoping to have by saying alarm neuron bigger phenol walidah. He's hoping to have the effect, that he will feel so buried under the weight of my favors, that he will feel that when he spoke truth, and he called out something wrong that was
happening, that he'll feel so ungrateful.
He'll feel ungrateful for saying the right thing. I am being so ungrateful and so dismissive of everything that Owen did for me by saying what I'm saying, I should be ashamed of myself. How could I question him? How could I challenge what he's been doing with the Israelites? How could I bring up a god other than other than how could I do that to him after everything he's done for me?
The one of the powers of an abusive controller is that they can make you feel like doing the right thing is an act of gratitude. Right? It works and works. So they can you might hear things like, Oh, so this is how you thank me for everything I did. Hmm. This is the thanks I get. This is how you show me gratitude. Well, thank you so much. You know what now I really appreciate why I did everything for you.
Right, and you're not you're not being rude, disrespectful or abusive. And if you are, that's something else. But if you're simply saying the right thing, just the right thing. And you're being slammed forward with the accusation of being ungrateful. This is a very powerful tactic. It didn't work on Mussolini's, but on most of you and most of us it works. When you shame somebody, they back down.
And then he didn't stop there. He did two other things, which I'll elaborate next week, but I'll give you a hint towards them. He said what a bit Safina I mean, I'm woody Cassini, and you remained in our midst, for so many years of your life.
So many years, you you stayed even among us. In other words, you really just nurture you, when you were a child, we allowed you to be an adult, I didn't throw you back among the slaves. I kept you royalty, even though you're a slave race.
So many years of your life you lived here. And it also implies not just gratitude now a new dimension. And that is you lived here you don't know how to act in the palace. You don't know how to talk to the key. You don't know the kind of respect everybody gives me. You going to talk to me like this. In other words for saying the right thing. Not only am I ungrateful. I'm also disrespectful.
I'm also distressed I don't have respect. In other words, the abuser is doing something wrong. This is all concluded the abuser is doing something wrong. But by the end of this conversation, I don't feel like they're doing something wrong. They're making me feel like I'm the one doing something wrong. They're able to flip the script. And that's actually what psychologists talk about when they talk about, you know, people that are in abusive relationships. They are trained to blame themselves.
But even when they're being abused, they're blamed themselves. That happens because a good abuser knows how to put you to shame constant
We can train you to blame yourself. You're not programmed that way to begin with. You're not programmed that way to begin with, but it can be created, that environment can be created, where you're constantly being fed. blame yourself, blame yourself, blame yourself, how could you? How ungrateful Could you be? How disrespectful Could you be? And when these things are used as a means of suppression and control, it works, it works so well that one of the most master evil politicians in history for Ireland used it. Right? He used it on his nation and he used it even in his own family. And so we allow it to help us recognize that in ourselves and recognize the guidance of
Allah as it was on how to respond to something like that through through the story, inshallah. We'll continue the series barakallahu li walakum Hakeem on the family er COVID it will be King
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