Life with Children #05 Coping with Pressure from Parents.
Channel: Musleh Khan
Series: Musleh Khan - Life with Children
File Size: 14.28MB
So Mr. Li Kumar, hematological barakato everyone, another installment part five of our series, life with children and young adults. So today it's verse number 15. This is a continuation of yesterday when we started about the whole discussion on parents. So it's a continuation of that subject. But this is going to take a completely different turn, as we mentioned at the end of yesterday's video, when we have parents that are not Muslim, or even if they're Muslim, but they have different priorities, they have their own version of religion and who Allah subhanho wa Taala is and what our responsibility is to him. This verse is for all of them. So today's actually a verse for both
equally the parents as well as the kids. Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us what in jaha, decorilla and tertiary care be Malay so lucky to be here in Philadelphia, well, Sahiba whom are doing a merit offer, what VR savvy men that La,
la Yamato Gen Con felt will never be or can be male, Quinton, turn that on. Now let's dissect this verse, piece by piece, a line. So it all says what in gehad.com, jack Dorsey or Joe had done in this a, it means whenever your parents really try to pressure you, to push you. So Jonathan is like a struggle just like jihad, it's a struggle from within. So whenever you feel like the relationship is taking a strain, and you're starting to feel that struggle to try to please and do all the things that they want you to do. So Allah subhanho wa Taala is not saying here, whenever they become a pain, whenever they're going to be upset, or whenever they're going to be
taught and taught intolerable. Gentlemen is a very specific verb in this area, because it's saying that, when this happens, meaning it's going to happen, you're going to have these moments where you'll just head but with your parents, about just trivial things about major things. It's part of parenting, and it's part of that relationship. So when that happens, I like to surely cubby melee select up here in so there's only one very specific priority to Allah, not just this is amazing. It's that if your parents try to encourage or push you and they make life difficult for you that you associate or commit shook with Allah.
And they don't have knowledge of what they're doing. You see the condition melaye silica, that you may lay silica be here in that they don't have knowledge of what they're seeing and what they're doing. So put it all together. If your parents make life difficult for you, okay? And whatever that may be, they probably restrict your your your privileges, they probably don't offer you halal food, you know, you became Muslim, you're this outcast in the family now. And even if you're living in a different house, it's the same thing. You're treated differently, they act different around you. And you always have to hear like rude or condescending remarks about your religion and about the way you
dress about the things that you do. And the last panel attire that says, and to Sheree cabbie, and they do this with the intention that they want you to associate them in other words, they want you to worship something other than a law, they want you to just get out of this hole Islam thing. And tissue can be Melisa, laka be here in that you yourself don't have any knowledge of you have no control of then Allah says, in this case here don't obey the financial terrible, man. So what is this really saying? It's basically saying very simply, that if at any point your parents tried to make life difficult for you, so that you can leave Islam or do things that Islam that's different
from Islam, that would ultimately upset Allah, that would upset the religion that would upset your own intentions. A lesson is only in this case fed out to a terrible man. You know, what's interesting about this am this is the only verse in the Quran where Allah tells you when not to obey your parents. This is the only one every other parental type A is either about their duties, their struggles, or better or do it day respect them. This is the only one condition of the whole court and where a lesson in this case. Don't do that. Now, here's that's the first point. The second point is there's a religious connection, so religiously, don't obey the religious requests, or hardships
that are being imposed on you. You can ignore that now. Here's the thing. How do you do that? So in other words, your parents are saying I don't want to see where that hijab on your head. Are you going to be like, well, I don't care, mom. I don't care. I don't care what you think.
I'm going to wear it anyway. And if they say, Well, if I see it on your head, I'm going to pull it off here, I'm going to embarrass you, I'm going to take it away, I'm going to throw it in the garbage, so and so on and so on. How do you do that? And this is not a one full type answer. We can't just say, okay, you do a and b, and c and haul off some shuttler. Either they will accept you or they will become Muslim. No, it's not going to work that way. What I usually tell students and I usually tell anybody sons and daughters that have this kind of issue with parents is I usually say to them, follow and read the rest of the verse. Look what the rest of the verse does, it actually
answers this question. It actually answers the question very clearly in a lesson well saw hibel mehefin dunya Matt rolfer just be good people saw him Sahaba Sahabi a lot. so jealous saying be a good companion, be a good son, be a good child, to them, be a good daughter. So unless I saw him a man but Allah tells you how to fit dunya in all of the worldly things. So when it comes to being a good, respectful, civilized individual, keep your anger under control, keep your frustration under control, show them that Islam is not just about rituals, but that your character, your behavior and your attitude. All of that has been refined. You know, I'll tell you guys a story about a student of
Medina. I was with him in Medina University, you know, back in 2008 or seven, I think, this brother he was actually an American student. And I used to call him Sunday's his name was on bola. But I used to call him Sundays because he looked exactly like chefs today. So from the hat on, and he like he was he was, you know, big. It was a in a nice, long, dark beard. He even wore glasses. He had an outer background or, and I was just like, Man, you look just like today's Do you ever get that he's like, all the time, every all day every day. So I'm like, do do people call us today? He's like, yeah, so I called them so dice for the rest of the time in the diversity. We just call them today's.
Anyhow, this brother, he had reverted to Islam. So I remember one day we were sitting having like dinner, and I asked him, I was like, what's your story, man? You know, how did you become Muslim? And he said to me, he's like, he used to read the poor. No, he used to read the translation to try to learn on his own. And he goes, one day, he was reading something of the poor. And I don't remember what it was that he told me. But he said, he got so upset when he read it that he took the poor ending, he threw it across the room, and he hit the against the wall. And his mom heard that. And his mom came in the room is like, are you okay? And he's like, Yeah, I was just reading
something, and I got upset. And the mom said to him, that this is what you are like, you have an anger issue. So if you're trying to find the truth, it's never going to happen if you act this way. And he said that that moment, his whole life changed. He picked up the poor. And again, he sat down calmly, and he continued reading, and a love guided him to all the verses that he was convinced that this was the truth that this was the guidance of the true creator. So whatever it is that he was reading whatever questions he had, he was able to find the answers once he stayed calm. Eventually, he became Muslim. And as the years went by, that's the one thing that his mom reminds him of, she
didn't become Muslim. But she kept saying to him, she's like, you know, this religion has really got to have some truth to it. And he would say, Mom, why do you say that? And she would say, like, for your whole life, and even since you were a baby, you always had these anger issues. You always had these temper tantrums, and even now that you're a grown man, you still have them until you became Muslim. Since you became Muslim, I never see you have those, you know, technical tantrums anymore. You don't snap at anybody anymore, not even me anymore. As a matter of fact, I never thought that I would see the day that you would respect me and show me love the way that you do. And he used that
to his advantage. And he just said, you know, this is what Islam taught me to do. I don't just pray and record and and dress a certain way, but it actually refined me. And so brothers and sisters, to answer the question of how you deal with this kind of scenario, just be good people, be good sons and be good daughters, or saw hibel who manifest dunya and marital fun. The key word here is my alpha. Male alpha is a universal standard, meaning be good, how good kids are good to their parents wherever cut whatever culture or society you belong to. So what might be good, where I live here in Canada might be different from where you live in your country, in your society. The point is, is
that your standard of what is acceptable, respectful, a good should be consistent across the board. So it doesn't matter then where you are as long as it's something that's considered to be a good thing that that's what you should do. That's what Allah is saying. So what Ally's really saying is, just put aside the whole religion thing for
If you can pray in your foot in front of your parents, then don't hide and pray. If you if you hide and pray and you and you got to hide the way that you dress or when you go out as a family, you can't wear the things you can't wear Egypt, you can't cover up you can do these things. That's where things get tricky and what all they can say to you is that you need to have a special FET toilet issued to you during those scenarios. There is a way to cope with these kinds of issues. So don't think all you know if I go out in public, my mom's gonna scold me my dad's gonna get angry or they're gonna you know disown me or they're gonna just outcast me whatever the case I don't want to
be embarrassed like them. Don't just take it upon yourself and say well, okay, you know what, I don't have to dress this way. Okay, you know what, when I go out, I'm just going to go out be like myself, but when I come back, I'll be Muslim. Again. It's not how it works. The Ultimate Reality is locum Dena home. Well, your deen is what you're trying to teach your family here is that you have your path, you have your morals and values. This is mine, I've changed them, this is who I am. But the key the condition that helps you get through that, if Allah is saying, do it in a way that is met all fair. That's understood to be respectful and dignified. And lastly, brothers and sisters,
what to be our sebelum and Abba, Elaine, and follow the path that will the path of the one that would lead you back to Allah. So if this is just coming from one parent, that Allah is literally saying, get the support that you need from whichever parent that's more inclined to saying, Okay, you know what, you're okay, just, you can just do what you want to do, I don't want to see it, but I'm not going to bother you, if you want to pray five times a day, if you don't want to eat pork, if you don't want to drink alcohol, I'll hide my beer cans, you know, we won't buy pork, then we'll try to find some other types of meats, blah, blah, blah, right. So let us saying just lean towards that,
towards that individual from LA Yamato gereken felt will never be or can be my quantum attack medal. And always remember that you will return to a line of love will challenge and test based on all the actions that you used to do. But when that beat will come, Allah will inform you excuse me not test, but inform you, of all of that what you used to do. So in other words, guys, you know, there's a lot of hope in this a and It concluded because when your parents don't see the beauty in what you're trying to do, Allah is saying, I'm going to inform you on the Day of Judgment of what you did. So don't worry, I see it. When your parents don't appreciate it. Allah is saying I appreciate it. Now
let's just step away from the non Muslim household. And let's step into the Muslim household. The saying is just for for also for Muslims as well. So don't think that the Muslim parents that are listening to this, you're exempted from this A, this idea talks to us as well. Because sometimes we might see our kids or, you know, our sons and daughters dress a certain way. Like, for example, a daughter, she starts college or university, she wants to wear an alibi, and she wants to go to school and are by their Muslim parents. They'll be like, what are you doing? Why are you dressing like that, you're going to take the subway and you're gonna dress like them, or she might want to
put on the niqab for the first time. And they'll be like, Look, don't be crazy now. So those kinds of remarks, those kinds of condescending remarks that they have to listen to all fall under this, like, if they're trying to push you to steer you away from something that is an Islamic, then you got to be mindful of that. And so for parents,
when even Muslim parents that put their kids through things like this, understand that, especially for you, the sons and daughters, when they are not keeping track of Allah is keeping track. When they don't see the beauty, Allah created the beauty. So he'll see he sees it and he'll show it to you. So in other words, this is how allies encouraging all of you that have these struggles within the home, to stay strong and stay focus, but more importantly, be proud of your religion. And don't let go. It's not worth it, that you've made that journey and you've come across now you've become Muslim, or you've made that journey where once upon a time you didn't take it seriously. And now you
do. Allah subhanho wa Taala is saying that in this case, here, I will show you the results of all that effort, all that perseverance, that determination, it'll make it'll it'll pay off in sha Allah. So with that being said, that's what I want to leave you with guys.
Again, may Allah subhanho wa Taala continue to refine and protect the morals and values in our families that are pleasing to Him in sha Allah Butera, then tomorrow we'll continue with the next piece of advice. And the next piece of advice in sha Allah with arella is of course so yeah boy in a in tech or myth parlor have bet him in Hollywood early. So this particular is one of my favorite pieces of advice that Lockman Allison gives to his son. So just to put things into perspective, right there will be parents out there that will give you a rough time. But this particular verse, verse number 15, in suited look man will help you cope and get through those struggles in shot low
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That being said second low height and all of you for listening that last panel with either blessing reward and honor all of you wherever you are and in these you know difficult times male last panel dialogue keep us all safe and keep us all healthy loving me. Take care everybody until we meet again Sunday morning from Oracle to Lucha Libre, cat two