Ask Musleh – How do you deal with an argument with your spouse?

So Mr. De Kumara to law, what about a cat who brothers and sisters Welcome to Ask Muslim? Today we're talking about how do you deal with disagreements and arguments specifically in a marriage? Because outside of marriage, it really depends on the circumstance. And there are different methods to dealing with that. So we want to talk about husband and wife disagree on an issue. What do you do? Number one, diagnose the disagreement. What is it that you guys are really disagreeing about? Is it valid? Does it make sense? Does the one party understand the other's perspective? Do you both understand where each other's coming from? So the first thing is, you have to communicate this

disagreement with each other, don't try to bottle things up. Because in and of itself, not only is it naturally unhealthy, but even the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa sallam also encouraged us to have a strong level of communication between each other. So talk it out, figure out where the disagreement is, and why it became a disagreement in the first place. Once that's done, then you go to number two. Number two is some try to have a plan of how you want to deal with that disagreement. So if it's something where both parties can help the situation, then try for both parties to have some of the responsibility and not one person to have all of that responsibility. So try to work out a

solution, but work it out together, you'll find that when you do something like that, it's very gratifying. At the end, where both parties especially husband and wife, they work through a problem together. While lucky, it only draws them closer together, it brings that kind of love and compassion and understanding with each other. And they both end up making a promise to themselves that they won't let a problem like that come between them in the future. So the second thing is you try to work it out together. Number three, when it comes to a disagreement, let's just say the disagreement is so strong, that both of you can't work it out together, it just turns into an

argument and continues to escalate. What you do here is you have to seek help. In other words, depending on how serious the problem is, you either seek professional help, or you go within the family to a sibling, mother in law, father in law, mother or father, whoever it is somebody who can really provide good advice, and go and share the problem with them, and then see how the problem can be solved from that avenue. So the third point here is to have a third party involved, but somebody that you can trust. Let's just say that doesn't work. Let's just say that it complicates the matter even worse, because now you got family involved with your problem. So what do you do? The fourth and

the final stage in sha Allah should do the trick. And that is go to a local Imam, scholar or a counselor, somebody who is a professional in that field in sha Allah to counsel that situation, give you professional advice in sha Allah hotelera. This should do the trick. Anything beyond this number four is really going to determine a state in the marriage itself of which direction it's going, and how it's going to evolve if you continue this problem in the future. So the fourth stage, they have professional help there. And of course, if it's an Imam or a scholar, a counselor, usually their duty is to follow up with that situation. So you're not just going to go there, talk to them once or

twice and that's it and hope the problem will go away. You may have to follow this and keep it as a routine for some time and train the problem to disappear. Insha Allah, you do those things, hopefully and insha Allah the problem goes away and it never returns again. Or you'll have a method of how to deal with it in sha Allah, Allah. May Allah azza wa jal make it easy for all of you with sin Mr. Li Kumar Rahmatullahi wa barakaatuh