Life with Children #04 Gratitude towards Parents

Salam Alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu everyone Bismillah recommendable Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa Salatu was salam, ala they shut off your MBA you are more saline, either he

attempted to swim. So here is the fourth installment of life with children life with young adults. And today it's actually the second piece of advice from Lockman, either his salon to his son. For those of you that are tuning in for the first time, this is not going to be your traditional type of presentation, but more or less, extracting some of the benefits and lessons, extracting some of the tools that are within this passage of an advice or pieces of advice from a father to his son, and how you could utilize those tools in your own parenting skills. And also for the kids that are watching this for the students and the young adults how you can communicate better and really better

towards your parents as well. And you're going to see today in sha Allah with the next verse, this is verse number 14 of sort of look man, in where Allah subhanho wa Taala says will assign an incentive to be where the day he hammered at home or when in either one or feel sad or Wolfie our main anish could really well you early de la de La Masia. So this is the only verse that we're going to look at right now in sha Allah. First and foremost, what will Celina will assign that comes from their word was saw, and you will saw has a number of different meanings in the core. And it could mean that we had enjoying them together, too. So in other words, mankind came together for this one

purpose. So when Allah subhanaw taala starts off an area or a section with the word will CEO or wasa or will Cena what he's saying is that this is one of the purposes of your existence. So aligned. So agile is saying, well, we'll slain incense, and we gave direction we enjoined mankind to come together for this one piece of advice. So in other words, this is a universal message to all of mankind, everybody has got to treat their parents in this particular way that the a is going to reveal. So we'll say in an insane and as we mentioned, insane person or people, and it is the plural for insulin will be where the day where the day, obviously is from, it's referring to parents. But

interestingly enough, Allah subhanho wa Taala tells us here, that particularly when it comes to the mother, so we're talking about advice between a Father and the Son, and the first piece of advice was strictly about Allah. So who came next? It's mom, it's so far, it's not really anything to do with the Father specifically about himself and his son. So mom now came in first before the father decided to say anything of himself or pieces of advice that comes from his own heart, that that's, that has something to do with him. So a lot and so adjusters will assign an incentive bydd hammer that or more when an earlier one. So the mother carried the child one and either one. So here's the

thing, here's what's happening here.

You know, we we just finished talking about and being introduced to who Allah is. And as we said in the previous video, that was all about a higher authority or a higher figure that you have to motivate yourself to obey and worship, that the rules and the laws come from him. subhanho wa Taala. So despite if parents might get annoying, or there's conflict all the time, you know, I don't want to do this. Why do I have to go pray? Now? Why do I have to fast like all of these questions, at least now that first piece of advice from the Father to the son set the tone, the higher authority is in charge here? It's not me. But then Allah subhanho wa Taala continues, and does something

absolutely remarkable. This is the second piece of advice. Now, what would be the second piece of advice that you would share with your children? Now, when I asked this question yesterday for some of you to share, you know, pieces of advice that revolve around this higher authority of Allah subhanho wa Taala some of you actually wrote that. Be good to your parents, or listen to your parents. And it was really interesting to me that how you made that connection between that the obedience to parents is directly linked to your obedience with Allah subhanho wa Taala. And that's exactly it. I mean, you have more than a dozen verses of the Quran, that Allah subhanho wa Taala

will tell you to worship Him and immediately after, be good to your parents. So let's understand what's really happening here. Allah doesn't say beware

The dean, or Allah doesn't use the word center. So we'll be where the data center Allah doesn't say that righteousness, or that you need to be good and fair to your parents and respect them. None of that is being talked about in this ayah. Allah singles out something very unique to mum. So all the mothers out there, and the students that are listening to this, this is how what we say in life, moms are everything. And that's like us, like I, my dad, and I'm gonna say it straight up, we are always second place to mothers, we might be able to do certain things like them, we might be able to do certain things better. But at the end of the day, the fact that they are mother's case, clothes,

they always take precedence. And in terms of respect to honor, devotion, things like that, then the father does. And that's just the way that it is I'm not trying to hate on any of the fathers out there. Like I said, I'm a dad myself, my father is still with me on hamdulillah. But I'm saying that from in terms of our relationship, at the end of the day, the fact that she birthed you, and then Allah spells it out to iron out all the details. And look, he says how mad at him, he she carried him. She carried the child wasn't the dad, it was the mother that did all of that. Now pregnancy in and of itself, with everything that it involves, from the pains from the adjustments from even the

emotional and psychological stress behind it. So for example, is that the mother now has to alter her entire routine and her entire life because of this one child, like everything about her own individual needs and desires have now been paused, and actually may never go back to just her in her alone. And what she, you know, aspires and what she wants, you'll have to like figure out a way to sort of sneak those intentions and those agenda agendas in later on in her life. But for now, it's the child. So the first thing is, when it comes to carrying a child, it's not just about just literally carrying the child, but it's all of the other emotions and all of the other psyches that

are involved in being pregnant. Now, obviously, I only know this because when my wife and I, you know, we had our own family, and I would see her and I would you know, I would hear some of the things that she would complain about in terms of pain in terms of what she was thinking about. And it just made me think that Suppan alone, I feel so useless right now, I can't do anything to stop this pain. I can't do anything that when she's about to deliver this child to save her, you know, I'm just standing there, I'm just the bystandard and some kind of lunch, she could die right in front of me birthing, giving birth to our child, and I can't do anything to stop it. This is why our

Prophet alayhi salatu was Salam once told us that if the mother passes away during a delivery, that she dies as a Shaheed, like that's how profound that moment is. So it's a big deal that Allah called out that the first thing to in order to appreciate mom in particular is to just understand that she's a mother to you, period, because she carried you. Then on top of that Allah singles out the one and one aspect of that whole carry that whole pregnancy. That is, that's really interesting. And I'll tell you why it's being singled out here. homiletical. One and Allah weapon, one from the word one literally means weakness. And so she's going through a pain carrying this child, and it's

weakening her every day of her life every second of her life. And as a matter of fact, you know, when you speak to mothers, after after they have their child, you know, your body, your strength, it never goes back the same. Sure, you might, you know, lose some weight, you might start exercising again, you might start watching your diet again. But at the end of the day, internally, you never feel the same. Why? Because there's a huge part of you now in terms of energy and devotion, and stress, and all of those things that have been now taken and shared with this child. When the child was in her, the child didn't have to pay rent, the child didn't have to go do groceries, he

basically took all the space and food and vitamins and strength and energy and so on, from her. So now when she gives birth to this child, Allah subhanho wa Taala called out the one thing about why she's a mother to you that you should appreciate and that is the fact Do you know how much pain she went through, just so you can be alive to church just so that she could give birth to you. So all of those moments and those seconds that she went through pain is enough of a reason that even if you're not pregnant, even if you're not old enough to have your own child is enough of a reason for you to respect her and honor her. Now, although we're talking about between parent and child here

Also for the husbands out there, this lesson is to us as well. So right now we should, the fact that a lot does not include Look, man, ie his salon, it doesn't say that Look, man is saying this, his name is not even mentioned in this area, although he is the one giving the advice, it shows that Look, man, I leave your salon already got that advice himself, there's a good chance that he's practicing this with his own family. And so that's really important. Very often parents, we get caught up in giving all the advice on the planet, to children and our young adults in the house would tell them all of the things that they should do, don't talk to me like that act this way. Make

sure you listen to me. Well, if you listen to me, or if you followed instructions, and none of this would have happened, we are very good at making kids feel like every footstep they take is wrong. And whether that's done intentionally or not as a different story. But the point is, is that Look, man, I listen, just listen to the choice of words. He's saying, well, we'll see no incentive the letter of the day. It says that he brings it up in a much more generic way he speaks in third person, he doesn't say, well, son, I'm going to tell you right now your mother gave birth to you, and she carried you. And she went through so much. He doesn't do any of that he speaks in third

person. Why so the kid doesn't feel like he's being attacked by his father. And sometimes you have to do that. Sometimes you have to figure out a more clever way of speaking to your kids about something that they may have said or done that might upset you or that you're expecting from them. But you got to do it in a different way. It may not have to come from you, you may have to just create a scenario and then speak in a third person so that they get the message so they don't feel targeted, and they don't feel like you're putting them down. Then Allah subhana wa tada continues. Well, if you saw the whole fat finger anime, so after giving birth to this child, you think that

it's all over? No, actually, the real work is just about to begin, you know, when, when some handle alone, when she gives birth to a child. And all of you who are parents out there, you know this, that she has to go through a period of healing. And that healing takes a long time, it takes over a month. And for some mothers, it takes even longer than that. But the point is, as she goes through this healing, she can say, Well, you know what, I'm going to take a month off and tell her husband, look, you just take care of the kid, I mean, I'll you know if I need to nurse it all nursing. But other than that, you take care of it, I need to rest I need to heal, she can do that. As a matter of

fact, I don't know about you know, for a lot of you whichever part of the world, you're in how it works, but at least here in Canada,

when a child is born, the first thing that the doctor does, when that child is delivered immediately, literally within seconds, is they give the child to the mother, and the child sits on the mother's chest so that the child could smell the scent of the mother and know that this is mom. And I just think that that's like amazing. For us guys, we're sitting at the back the chair in a corner out of the way. So there's no sense from us going to the child, at least not at that moment. So the first connection that that child gets is with Mum, why? Because some handle lump, you know, you carried this child, you went through all of that. And on top of that, it's like a life and death

situation when you're delivering our child, the mother could die right in front of your face. So this is a big deal. And so for all the children that are listening to this, if I stopped here and turned off this video, it's enough. Like just the fact that their parents Case Closed. And we'll never know what that feels like until you all become parents at some point in sha Allah. If you're not already parents, especially of obviously for the older kids. Then in conclusion, brothers and sisters, Allah subhanho wa Taala that says that she had to nurse him now for two years. So just when you think that there's going to be a break, there's no break all day, all night, every hour, there's

no specific time period, she just has to be ready no matter how tired no matter how exhausted how hungry. If the baby starts crying, she wants over the baby once mom, she starts in nursing the child. So the fact is that it says here, it does this for the mother does this for her child for two years. That there's a lot of fear behind that which is not our subject here. Then a look includes and he says initial school really were the were the daycare late young mahseer who see what happened. show gratitude to me. Allah subhanho wa Taala whether you were early daycare La Masia and to your parents because you're coming right back to me, a lot takes over and says, I commend you,

then you the Son, you the child, that first and foremost before you go and you say mom, thank you for giving birth to me, dad, thank you for everything for supporting us. No, no, no, no, no. Just

Remember the first piece of advice, the higher authority, don't forget him. So this is a last way of reminding you, I know that you'll get attached to parents and other important to you. And Allah mentions this in the poor any sort of tobacco, that whoever takes their parents and loves them more than they love a lot. This is not from Emacs. This is like a weakness of faith. A lot is always the precedence, right? And that's obvious. So Allah is saying here, let me just remind you before you go and show gratitude to them, show gratitude to me that you have them, that they were able to birth you and that you're here and you're alive, and you're well and you're living. So that's the first

tone that's set here and concluding this a Why is all of this happening. Because there are going to be moments where your parents will annoy you, there's going to be lots of those, there's going to be moments where you're not going to understand why your parents tell you the things that they say to you. And you know, a lot of the time parents, it's it's a tough pill to swallow. But we should also admit that sometimes we have a pretty awful way of, of expressing some of the things that we might be feeling to our kids, a lot of parents just don't know, or don't even care how to do that. It's just my kid, they'll get over it. And if they don't get over it, they're going against bill or Wendy

Dane, and then I'll lecture them about it afterwards. You know, we hold our children hostage this way, in terms of how their emotions and how they feel and how they internalize some of the things that we say. And this happens. And I meet hundreds and hundreds of parents like this, that they had good intentions. But men when it came to projecting those intentions, it came off the completely different way, bad choice of words, even the tone of voice, even the body language, you name it. And Allah is saying to kids, that's a part of parenting doesn't mean that you have to accept it all the time. I mean, what's wrong is wrong, you know, you should definitely recognize and address what's

wrong is wrong, when it comes to those natural flaws and weaknesses that parents have within them. And they do regret and they do take the time and be like, man, I don't think I should have sent her to her room that quickly, I should have just talked to her first man, I said this, and I know she didn't like it, or I know my daughter or my son didn't like it, when they start doing them a lot is saying, Be grateful to me that you have them. In other words, those are the moments in parenting that you just have to live with. It's a grind, you have to go through I go through it till now. You know, my parents are older, but if something I don't like that might be said or whatever. I don't

say anything. Why? Because I don't need to do that. Like it's part of a now that I'm a father myself, I understand now that they're human beings, just leave it alone, let it go and keep going. And hamdulillah 100% of the time, you'll notice that when you do that, you'll always be able to work out your issues, you'll be able to forgive and forget very quickly, Allah says that that starts off by you showing gratitude to me. Remember, we said in the very first video, the peak of wisdom is gratitude. So it was reminding us of that, don't forget to be grateful. And then a luck includes which is where we will conclude as well, when he when he DK la une mahseer. And now you can go and

say thank you to your parents. So all the sons and daughters listening to this

if your parents are sitting with you, so whenever you choose to listen to this, whether you're doing it right now, or you're going to do this later or some other day, look at your parents, and just say to them Alhamdulillah don't just don't just Aquila, Fido is a Thanks, Mom, I love you know, just saying hamdulillah to them. And that Alhamdulillah is coming from a heart Alhamdulillah Thank you Allah for giving me that no matter how annoying they may be, no matter how they may have done or not done for you. You know, when things are bad when things are abusive, when things are dangerous. That's a separate issue. I'm not talking about those issues, because those are the exceptions to

this whole conversation here. I'm just talking about the fact that existence wise, they're your parents, and just look at them and say hamdulillah how much you appreciate them. And make this warm up on a time in a moment where you'll just take your devotion and respect for parents to a whole nother level. And whatever that direction might be. And that's something you'll see. Nobody has ever lost by doing good for mom and dad like you've never been you'll never lose out in your life. Our profit on a slot was set I'm told us that this is one of the ways that Allah extends your life in this world. You live longer on Earth, that when you continue to do good with your parents, you know

there's a side note here and that is

for the parents that are listening What about your parents or parents that have passed

away or your single parent and things like that same thing. Just be grateful. Make, do offer them, love them, ask a lot to forgive them, and be grateful that they were alive, be grateful that they gave birth to you, even if you didn't know them, even if you weren't connected with them, even if you lost connection. And this is these are real case scenarios that you never knew your parents, you grew up in a different household, they abandoned you, they put you up for adoption, like so many different things. Be grateful that your biological parents gave birth to you. And that's what this is all about. Now, this is all going somewhere. This is not the end of the conversation when it

comes to parents because Allah will give an exception now to this whole gratitude with a lot and into parents. But to conclude today's short reminder, Allah says what you lay your mercy, and to me, you will eventually return mahseer is like that's the ultimate destination. That's the ultimate and why did Allah do that? The answer, if you mess up showing gratitude to Allah, you will naturally lose gratitude to your parents. But you'll have to go back to Allah and stand in front of him and explain why. So allies like this is a warning way legal mahseer you're coming right back to me. You know, it's like you tell the kid, you know, I gave you a chore? Did you clean? Did you wash the

dishes? When you're done washing the dishes? Come back to me and let me know. You know, when I told you, okay, do your homework. When you're doing your homework, show it to me, I want to make sure it's done. So it's like a lesson I'm giving you these tasks. Father's saying to his son, I'm telling you to be good to your parents. But just remember this case, you're not coming back to Dad, you're not coming back to mom, but you're coming back to the Creator. And that's directly from him. subpanel uttara them. So there is a definite, strong warning to all of us here. whether our parents are with us or not, that we must still continue to respect and love and care for them. Whether that

is done physically or spiritually. You continue to pray and even if your parents now there's one side scenario and that is what if your parents are not Muslim? That is coming up onto tomorrow's video inshallah, because that's where the exception is. There are some rules behind that. But for the most part, you'll be shocked at how, how I should say trivial those rules are they're not very strict. It's almost identical. The way that we treat our Muslim parents towards the respect and honor we treat our non Muslim parents like religion almost has nothing to do with this. And you'll see why when we get to that verse insha Allah hotel. But that being said, Guys, please once again,

if you're not doing this right now, please take this video and encourage others to watch it families in particular and I hope that you guys watch this as a family. That's the most important thing. Second, hello hydron and I will see you again for another installment on life with children. Second Law Haytham Allah bless you all wherever you are loving. I mean, take care and don't forget if you have questions, just write it down in the comments and I will get to them before that said I'm Martin Kumara to London.