Channel: Musleh Khan
Excerpt from the lecture entitled “What Ruins Marriage”
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Number three, from the men side, a third aspect, a third point that a man would do that will cause his marriage to be ruined. He will spend time listening to this one. Because you either know somebody that's doing this, or and be honest with yourself with yourself, we are not going to point no fingers at no one here. But just be honest with yourself. You either know somebody who's doing this, or you might have done it yourself. Okay, this is the time where you keep your heart, your heart open for the sake of Allah azza wa jal,
a husband, who goes out and spends time, long periods of time, for no reason, just unnecessary. Whether it be for chatter, for socialists, whatever the case is, so he's outside spending time unnecessarily out of randomly or do not even offer a reason or excuse to the life where he's going, what is he going to do? And you know, what's, in addition to this, when she calls to find out where is he? Why is he taking so long? He looks at the cell phone, oh, gosh, it's the wife
How can someone do this?
Look, in the end,
there is there is an A A, that Allah azza wa jal talks about women specifically, and addresses their pain and suffering that they go through during their pregnancy during their labor,
Allah azza wa jal, to do this, and to be so specific, and to pay attention to such an intricate detail to her pain and suffering.
This is something is a miracle in itself. Because the lies the widow doesn't do that for the men doesn't point out a particular hardship as he does to the women. What does he mentioned, they go through pain after pain, one another wasn't what we saw.
So they go through pain after pain in their labor, for labor, and then above that, after they have this child, then they have to feed it, they have to breastfeed it for two years.
And the women know, and the brothers here who are married you fully well understand that sometimes even breastfeeding can be extremely painful.
Whereas the break for a woman, then on in addition to all of this, tell her you know she's feeding the child, she just came out of a pregnancy. This isn't gonna make me a cup of tea. I don't want to hear anything, just make me a cup of tea.
Okay, she makes the cup of tea.
This is too much sugar. I don't want to go make me another cup. Well, law he this is happening right now. This is happening with brothers. I personally am dealing with cases like this.
As a matter of fact, there is a brother
who went through something very similar. And he asked his wife to make him a cup of coffee. She made him a cup of coffee. When he got the coffee, he said to her that I believe it was a particular coffee, whether it was Folgers or whatever the case is a particular brand. He said, I don't like this brand. Just Can you make me the other one that we have. Okay, this is extreme sisters Don't ever do this brothers don't ever think of doing this. This is just to add to some of the flavor to what we're talking about the cup of coffee, she threw it against the wall and broke the cup.
And the marriage ended at that very moment.
Take a guess how long they were married.
What happened to a marriage like this, they spent three years getting to know each other. They spent 1000s of dollars. As a matter of fact, I attended the wedding. They spent 1000s of dollars at this wedding.
Two days later it was finished. This happened about six years ago till today they have never been married again. Something so trivial. But if you don't do it in a proper manner, things like this may happen. This is a very extreme situation very rare. doesn't happen very often.
And so in addition to this,
when brothers whenever you leave the home
and you want to go and pray salah and the masjid Primavera, bash or whatever the cases, think about her. You know when you leave the house, let her know that you leave because to just walk out of the home and have her play guessing games as to where and what you're doing.
Even if she was supposed to run
When we think well, it's almost more grip time, he usually goes to the masjid. So he's probably there. This in itself is a type of volume, type of hardship that you can avoid. You don't do this to people, donors to anybody, especially to your wives. We give them a reason you let them know where they are, once the solid is finished, or once, whatever you are, whatever it is you're doing is over. And you want to stay, be reasonable, be an understanding person, pick up a phone and just let her know, Hey, I'll be home at so and so, hey, I'm going to stay until a shirt at the masjid. And with some brothers, I'm going to be with them for a little while. Let them know a lot he women
wives, they will be extremely not just a little extremely appreciative to a husband that takes time to do this for them.
Do you see how much of a little effort you and I need to make our marriage work? Do you see what it is a simple phone call. This very moment I'm going to keep throwing examples of actual situations I'm dealing with at this very moment. There is a marriage right now at this very moment that is hanging on a piece of hair. You know what the problem The main problem that we diagnose from this marriage was exactly this third point is that this brother every single day would leave his home, but he wouldn't tell his wife where he was going. So there was the suspicion that perhaps he was doing something that was haraam. Eventually, we confirmed that there was no
there was no suspicion there was no problem like this play you
she would call him when he was out he wouldn't answer.
We asked him what was the problem? Why don't you answer this I don't like when my wife bugs me. I will the biller
are all the billing we will come to a point like this from the system and we will discuss how a sister if she wants to get information or a brother, if you want to get something out of your way, what is the proper manner to do this. And one of them is not nagging, or bugging. And so as a result of brothers getting to a point where I can't take this anymore, and realize that there wasn't even a problem to start with in the first place. So spending time unnecessarily randomly and do not offer a reason or excuse as to your whereabouts. And when she calls you leave you hang up the phone, this is wrong. And in some cases it can be held on so brothers Be careful. Keep your wives in tune to your
whereabouts. And as a result, your wife will not only love you more she will continue to trust you more and that is the key.
As for the wives