Channel: Musleh Khan
Excerpt from the lecture entitled “What Ruins Marriage”
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how do men ruin their marriage? Number one, these are just habits and characteristics that you will find. And I'm sure, as we mentioned them, many of you, if not all of you might have heard or seen one of these things happen.
Number one, in gratitude, and ask for more than you can give
and acknowledge others passionately, but grunt, or feel bad to thank your own wife. So number one,
some men have a tendency to be this gratitude, or to have this gratitude towards their wife, never thanking them, never appreciating all the things that they do for them. For example, when a wife is in the kitchen, and she's slaving over the stove, and you come home after a long day's work, and you say, What is this, this doesn't smell good. Somehow, I don't want to eat this, I'm not in the mood for this, etc, etc, etc. This dis gratitude that a person has this is common. By the way, this is something that is widespread.
This is the one way that a husband can ruin his marriage. Because what does this do? It causes the wife now to build hatred for him. It causes the wife now to do something she doesn't want to do. And you know what that is? It eventually leads her to say, you know what, I don't want to cook anymore. Call us order pizza. If you don't want to order pizza, I'm cooking. Because everything I do you don't like so I'm not going to do it anymore. So what happens? one thing leads to another Next problem. arguments. Next problem fights next round in extreme situations, you might find that one strikes the other and etc, etc. and continue. How do you solve this? And we won't mention problems,
unless we mentioned a solution. Do what the prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to do?
prophesies seldom had a servant right? How long? How many years? Did he have this servant they used to cook for him? 10 years.
Anybody here can say the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told his servants, hey, listen, I don't like what you made today. for 10 years, he never said a single word like this to him. He never uttered a single word like this to him.
And actually, the servant himself narrates this and said, for 10 years, I've served the prophets on the lawani was set up. And he never ever said to me, why did I do this? Why did I do that, or whatever the case is. Now I won't say to you, that you need to go to that extreme, or you need to go to that level, it would be nice insha Allah, but we all know that that's very. So what I say to you is this. Be very moderate, and be very thankful. Try to build contentment in your heart, that whatever your wives do for you, however much they clean for you, however much chores they do for you, however, many times they massage your feet, they massage your body, take care of you, whatever
your wives do for you, try to give something back. If you don't like something that she makes,
try to do something for her next time. And you know what, you know, will happen nine out of 10 times she will completely forget about that. She will realize that you know what, if my husband doesn't like this meal, I'm going to look for something else that he likes. Because why? Why is she going to think this because you show gratitude to her that at least her efforts don't go to waste. So do something for her serve her the profits in the long run, he was telling said Have a look. Even if you were to take a ton of food, or a small handful of food, and you were to give it to your wife and feeder, just one mouthful, it is
and you get a reward for that. And as we know and ahaadeeth in a tournament he the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said if you smile, it is sadaqa
trust me when you smile, and you smile to your spouses, they love it, they enjoy it, and you know what they do deserve it. So this is the number one thing. One of the ways that husbands may ruin their marriage is by showing in gratitude to the efforts and to the sweat that the women go through.
I want to mention here before we go to a point for the wives, I want to mention here but everyone here or as many of you raise your hands if you think or you believe or you know that it is the woman's job to cook and clean for the who believes that this is an Islamic effort.
that a woman must do it is watch for her to serve her husband by cooking and cleaning for him. How many of you believe this?
How many of you believe it is not legit for her to do this?
How many of you are in between? In other words, she does it if she wants and if she doesn't want she doesn't have to do it. There is no problem.
Good, Masha, Allah. You know the last time I asked this question, is it Why don't you for a woman to cook and clean? All the brothers put up their hand? No, um, Allahu Akbar. Yes, that's true. Okay.
Do you know what Amendment No yo Rahim Allah states in his collection of our upbringing and knowing there is a particular show that is narrated amendment. No, we said that it is not wajib. As a matter of fact, there is a great key difference of opinion amongst story lemma. What is the role of a woman when she marries her husband in terms of serving him?
And shefali Islam Ibn taymiyyah Rahim mumble Lai mentions in his fatwa, probably one of the best most acceptable answers listen to the listen to the smart the wisdom of shefali Islam Rahim Allah He says that usually what a woman should do when it comes to serving her husband is that she should do what is necessary based on on her tribe, or based on her culture or based on the level of those women at that time. So for example, if a woman was rich, okay, she has a servant. She grew up with a servant, our maid who cooked and cleaned for her. She decides to get married now to someone. Okay, now that husband key tell her. Okay, you got to start cooking and cleaning now or does he say to
her, you got to get a servant. What does he have to do here? Who says servant?
Who says you know you got to adjust so cook and clean?
One brother? Yes. It is not according to chef Allison, it is Wild Sheep that this woman must have a servant. It is wajib which means if you don't do it, what does that mean? When you don't fulfill a job you end up being asked him in a being CMD means sinful.
This is what teaches us how many brothers and sisters you think know this. How many brothers is the first thing you hear brothers will say not all versus Of course, many brothers will say well she has to cook and clean because you know, original cola moon Island Musa that the men they have the upper hand amongst women. This is completely incorrect.
And so very important point. So if a woman she is raised in such a manner, in where she has learned to cook and clean, then this is something that she continues to do in her marriage. So there is a balance. According to scheffel Islam, even Tamia Rahim Allah, this is the safest opinion. This is the opinion that causes the least amount of problems because it causes that both parties have to do what they have to adjust. They have to make changes in order to make a relationship work, work and that's fair. It's not going to be all upon the woman say you've got to do this, this this is this No. But this causes that the husband and wife, the husband, if he's not used to that he will get
used to it as well as the woman. She will do the same