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The Ideal Husband
Channel: Muiz Bukhary
File Size: 14.46MB
A Nikah talk delivered by Sheikh Muiz Bukhary on the 3rd of August, 2014 at the Nimal road Jumu’ah Masjid, Colombo, Sri Lanka.
Episode Transcript ©
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Bismillah al Rahman al Rahim al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa sallahu wa salam O Allah ashrafi Gambia evil mousseline, Nabina. Habib in our polity our union Mohammed Abdullah Abdullah, Allahu Allah, Allah He was happy he of salatu wa tada slim Amar
for the call of North Dakota disease bad to be last minute shaytani r rajim Bismillahi Rahmani Rafi
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all praise and thanks to Almighty Allah subhana wa tada who is our Creator sustainer nourish, protect, and cure. We ask Allah subhana wa tada to show his choices the blessings and salutations upon our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his family members, his companions and all those who tread upon his path with utmost sincerity until the day of the
mature, respected elders and brothers in Islam, Mashallah we add the official realizing of a nigga, we ask Allah Subhana Allah Allah to bless this gathering. And to make this gathering where the angels route us with their wings, the Sakina tranquility of Allah subhanho wa Taala descends upon us, the rough ma for lost behind Medina envelops us and made me the almighty make high mention of us in the seven heavens, I mean.
So, first and foremost, as I'm addressing myself, and then the groom, and a gathering that largely or completely consists of males, I thought it all the more appropriate to base today's talk, or to title today's talk as the Ideal Husband, the Ideal Husband, because if you look in our lives, most of us, we want all of our endeavors, whatever we do in our lives to be a success story, and especially in regard to our marriages, we want our marriages to become a success story we don't want none of us would wish that our marriages should hit the rocks perhaps after a few weeks or after a few months. malice behind him with Allah protect our marriages. But sadly, even though all of us
want everything in our lives to become success stories, none of us want to adopt the life of the man whose life was a complete success story. And that is, well that was our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we don't want to adopt his life as our lives for the minute we do that my dear respected elders and brothers in Islam, no doubt we are going to be successful in this world, as well as the hereafter it is upon us to follow our beloved Master Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. So I wish to touch on a few tips, if you will, or small pieces of advices, if you will, which are all in accordance to the life of our beloved prophet muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam, and also attacks derived from the words from the golden words of our beloved Master, Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Primarily, it is of utmost importance that we be gentlemen, in our relationships that we be gentlemen, in our marriages. You see a times at the very inception at the beginning of a marriage, everything is rosy, everything is sweet. We tend to be very courteous and there's a lot of chivalry there is a lot of we are beautiful gentlemen, but then later on as it goes down the line perhaps due to a few reasons the marriage becomes a bit stale, or after a few pregnancies. We are no longer that interested in being that great a gentleman we take things for granted, and we start being rough being harsh. This is not from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam rather Rasulullah
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the best husband. He was the best leader. He was the best commander. He was the best teacher. He was the best role model sallallahu alayhi wasallam and he was an individual unlike us, he was busy. He was shouldered with so much of responsibilities, but he sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had time for his family. He had died for his loved ones. He He lived a life which was a beautiful example that all of us must study.
Learn and derive lessons from because he said a long while he was lm was the best creation to ever live on the face of this earth. So let us derive beautiful lessons from his life and above all, if you
look at the incident where once Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was about to undertake a journey, his wife, Sophia do long line was with him, and there was this camel. As we all know, a camel is not a small animal. It is a fairly large animal, and his wife, Sophia, the last one had to climb the cabinet. Now you know what our beloved Master Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wasallam did, he went by the camel, he knelt down and he placed his time, his time as a support for her to place her foot on and then climb onto the camera. This is from the teachings of Rasul Allah He said a lot while he was sitting down. Look at what a great gentleman Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
was, but we on the other hand, do you think it's difficult now? No one's asking nobody's writing cameras on Ryan drive or gold road perhaps we have good vehicles. Mashallah, is it difficult to go around and open the door for our wives for our spouses, is it difficult, but then at times, we take it a step
ahead in the sense towards the bad part where we at times, visit Kulina vehicles we come by our houses, we're not bothered to get down from our vehicles we shoot away, expecting our wives to come running from wherever they are in the house, perhaps in the midst of cooking perhaps in the midst of looking after the children and come running to open the gates for us a lot.
You know, if you're that lazy, then have an automated roller shutter, but if not, you should go and do it yourself. This is not being a gentleman. This is not from the teachings of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the very least at least we look at the Sunnah of Rasulullah is that a lot while he was and I mean this as soon as he did it, and we are supposed to follow him. Now we don't have to buy a camel and kneel down but rather if we have our vehicles we are supposed to go around, open the dough for our lives. This is a beautiful lesson from the life of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, we attend see the Westerners, the people of Europe doing it than us.
This is all from the lessons towards they have towards polishing yourself and becoming a gentleman all of this is hard coded, they have to follow it. But we on the other hand, having a great role model in front of us. We don't follow him. So it is upon us that we be gentlemen in our relationships. The next piece of advice is to treat our spouses with the best of treatments to treat our spouses with the best of treatments Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and please remember Salawat whenever I mentioned his beautiful name, he is reported to have said hydrocodone, hydrocodone li li well, Anna
the best of your is the one who is best to his family IE his wife and his children. And I am the best from your towards my family. It also realize that a lot of my neighbors enemies report perhaps their beautiful words. We are supposed to treat our spouses, our families with the best of treatments. And then it is also upon us to treat our spouses gently. With love with care. We are supposed to treat them gently like Fred Giles westerns.
Because the Sorbonne is on the lawn while he was alone is reported to have compared women to fry giant vessels to survive for the Long Island was enemies reported upset along the lines of these words. Be gentle with the freight giant vessels IE women be gentle with different giant vessels and be careful not to break them because after all, they are soft, they are weak, they are soft natured. This is how of us behind them what Allah has created women, we on the other hand, we are strong. We are supposed to look after them. So we are supposed to treat them like for a giant vessels. Treat them with care. Treat them with love, treat them with gentleness, treat them with respect. This is
upon us men. We are not supposed to treat them harshly. We are not supposed to alleria the biller beat them and throw them around. This is not from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Rasul Allah, our beloved Master Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam who was sent as a mercy to this world. These are the lessons that we derive from him. We are supposed to treat our women with the best of treatments and we are supposed to treat them like for giant vessels.
We should treat our spouses like precious pearls. We should treat our spouses like precious pearls. Just imagine you have a precious pearl with you. How would you treat that precious pearl? Would you just chuck it around somewhere and leave it? No, you would
protected, you would keep it in someplace careful. Why? Because it's valuable. It's precious. Likewise we need to treat our spouses, women folk, our wives like precious pearls. This is from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. The next piece of advice many respected elders and brothers in Islam is to greet our spouses with cell phones. Now, this is something this is a tsunami that is dying away May Allah subhanahu wa taala forgive our sins. At times we see husbands and wives finding it very, very difficult to greet one another with salons, because this is a beautiful sooner if it is not brought into practice at the very inception of the marriage, you will find it
difficult, even though it's not impossible, you will find it difficult to bring it about as you go down the line in the marriage. So at the very inception of the marriage, we have to make it upon us that we greet our spouses with silence, and especially when entering home. When entering home we say Assalamu alaykum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh This is from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, and furthermore also the lies that along while he was Adam is reported to have said either file to move to have eaten Shu Salama binaca there's something if you do it. There'll be love amongst your love will be put in your hearts and what is that spread Salam amongst yourselves about
Cuba, the more you spread Salam amongst yourselves, the more you say salams love will be put in your heart a time we find it. People whose marriages are on rocks, they find it very difficult. You know, why is there no love amongst us, the husband and the wife, it is upon us to follow the advice of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam If not, the devil will play with us he will run on a rampage amidst marriages. We don't want that to happen. So let us follow the advice of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
The next piece of advice is to look good, and smell good for your wives to look good and smell good. Once again. At the very inception of the marriage, you know we men, we tend to look our best.
Well, proven smart, you know, clean, but as it goes. A potbelly comes about and then you no longer bother. Your clothes are thrown all over the place as it goes along in a marriage. And we want our lives to be like actresses. We want our wives to be like actresses, but we aren't ready to be like actors if that's the if that's what you wish. We want to remain the way we are. But we want our lives to be like celestial maidens from Jenna Allahu Akbar. Those are the law he said a long while he was selling the sooner also device or the Long Island was lm whenever he used to enter his house. You know what he used to do? He used to make miswak he used to make miss work because he did not
want to offend his family members with perhaps an offensive order. If it were to Emmett from his mouth, Allahu Akbar, he used to make miswak often, and this is from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, therefore it is upon us to to follow this beautiful example from our beloved Master Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. The next piece of advice is to thank our spouses often and sincerely. At times, we tend people who work under us, maybe the maids or the secretaries that we have under us more profusely than thanking our own partners, who are more deserving of our gratitude, Allahu Akbar, you see, it's not the responsibility of our wives to wash
our clothes to cook for us to look after our children. Nay, we should employ people to do that. It is not Sharia does not demand that from our wives, but on the other hand, they're doing all of that out of goodwill. And don't think that oh, I am the breadwinner and doing so much I'm going from morning to evening I'm earning so much of money, my dear brother, risk has been written by Allah Subhana Allah Allah we are nothing but carriers of that sustenance, that's it. But on the other hand, whatever our wives are doing for us, it is out of their own goodwill. It is out of their own goodwill. So it is upon us to tempt them, to respect them to love them for what they are doing. The
sort of law he said a long while he was sent him is reported to have said mela Mish Quran NASA language karela Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam his reporter said along the lines of these words that the one who does not that people has not tend Allah subhanho wa Taala if we cannot thank people then we are thanking Allah subhana wa dialler. So let us thank our spouses, it is appreciate whatever they do for us, let us not undermine those tiny little things that they do for us or and also let us overlook the small faults and small mistakes because these are all from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. The next piece of advice is expressions of
Love, expressions of love, we should express our love often to our spouses.
Allah subhanho wa Taala has created women in such a way that they always feel
emotionally insecure. They need a lot of emotional security. We on the other hand, we have been created as logical Creations beltless behind them with our island. We think you know, I go in the morning and doing all of them slaving from morning to evening For whom? For my wife for my children. So naturally these are all we think that what we are doing is manifesting our love. But no more than all of that if we were to come back home in the evening and say Darling, I love you that would mean the world to her. But at times we because we are busy. We are busy with all different things we forget to do that resulting in them becoming hurt. This is from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam many a time we see how the fertilizer the law while he was lm very beautiful words used to converse with eyeshadow, the long line Hmm. The next piece of advice is to use sweet expressions. I say this often whenever I get the chance to address a crowd before Anika before the official icing of Anika I touch on this because this is from the sooner Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam something that is also dying away Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam used to address his beloved wife I shadowed the loved one how using foreign names. Yeah, I or Yahoo Mayra. Now for me that was not the name of eyeshadow de la vida. He used to call her from Mayra what Humira means
is all rosy cheeked one. Oh, Rosy cheeked one Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam, the greatest of prophets, the Seal of the Prophets, Allahu Akbar, a person who has been shown that with so much of responsibilities if he has time to call his wife so sweetly, why can't we, and there is no harm. We can call them using sweet names we can call them we can invent names, sugar, cupcake, honey, sweetie, or names that will bring about love in their hearts. These are all from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. So let us do in accordance with the words of the supervisor along while he was in it, because at times, I don't know whether it's in Colombo, but then in the
outskirts of Colombo, you see people, if you have relations there, you see the metro seeing one another using pronouns, you see them addressing one another using pronouns in anger on this and that, you know, pronouns so your wife is just a pronoun, that's it. Your husband is just a pronoun. That's it, a pronoun. Rather, why can't you manifest your love by saying something sweet, that will bring about love in accordance to the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam.
And then it is also important that we let our spouses know that in other words, we let our wives know that they are the ideal partners for us because like I said, they need a lot of emotional security. We don't threaten them with devotes we don't threaten them with divorce. Some of us allama Rahim Allah Some of us have the habit the minute an argument crops up, they threaten their spouses with divorce, you know, I will divorce you. You know what if I divorce you will be on the streets, there'll be no one to marry you. If I go Oh, there are so many women to marry but you will have no one. They threaten them with divorce. This brings you know this drives a wedge in between the
beautiful bond of marriage we should stay away from that rather we should say beautiful expressions of love, which will secure that marriage and concrete that marriage. The next piece of advice is to gift one another things and let us not restrict it to Valentine's Day or the birthday. These are all pagan cultures. And the it is not becoming of a Muslim to celebrate birthdays, nor is it becoming of a Muslim to celebrate Valentine's Day. Now, if you want to gift your gift on the jury because these are the two festivals that is prescribed upon us Muslims, we only have two festivals. It was an eagle feather or it's just randomly just randomly gift something this brings about love because
those were the ones that a lot while Ava cinemas reported to have said to her though, to have blue gift one another. You will love one another gift one another you will love one another. It doesn't have to be expensive things it doesn't have to be branded items It does not have to be a Louis Vuitton handbag, which will cost around $2,000. Now a small token of appreciation, a small gesture of love, just a tiny flower perhaps something small which will win their hearts resulting in that marriage blossoming and in in love filling in that marriage May Allah Subhana Allah protect all of our marriages. The next piece of advice is to help our spouses help our wives with their household
chores. This is from the sooner you realize that a lot more it will sell them. Once I show the long line I was asked about Rasulullah he said a lot while he was in Walmart at home. And then she went on to say something along the lines of these words that he used to help at home by stitching his own clothes, washing his own clothes, cleaning the place. This was Rasulullah once again, like I said
In the beginning, the prophet, the greatest prophet, he was the commander. He had so much of responsibilities upon him, but he sallallahu alayhi wasallam had time to spend at home. We on the other hand, are we prophets? Are we shouldered with such great responsibilities? Why can't we spend time with our families? Why can't we spend time helping them? At times we even find it difficult to lift the plate from the dining table to the sink last October. This is not from the sunako supervisor a long while he said, we expect our wives to do everything even to serve the curry and the food for us. No, let us try and help them out. Let them let us help them in their day to day
household shows making their task easier for them.
The next piece of advice is to praise your spouse to her relatives. Some people once again you
have the bad habit of talking bad about their partners to their own family members say if he has a chance to sit with her cousin brother or uncle or aunt or the mother in law, whoever it may be, they start talking bad about their wives. You know her cooking is like this is from morning to evening. She sleeps she does this she does that we start nagging we start nitpicking we complain. This is not from the Sunnah of Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi wasallam. We don't do that. We don't do that. On the other hand, we praise her to her relatives, we praise her, we talk good about her. This is what we should be doing in a beautiful marriage. And the next piece of advice to encourage her to keep good
relations with her family. We should encourage her, we should advise her to maintain good family ties with her family members and her relations. And the next piece of advice. And this is in regard to arguments. I don't wish to scare the groom. But arguments are inevitable. arguments are inevitable. They're like the waves in the sea. They come and they go it is upon us to just surf over those waves and keep continuing on our journey. arguments are inevitable. But how do we get around these arguments? Do we blow those things out of proportion? Do we brew thunderstorms in teacups? What do we do? Do we start nitpicking on tiny little things and blow them out of proportion. And at
times Allah forbid, those things are the things that later on result in a divorce or in a separation May Allah subhanaw taala protect our marriages, we need to understand that, that you see a marriage the relationship, the bond of marriage is not only about love, this is the mistake many people make. They think that marriage is all about love. And the minute love decreases a bit then the marriage is out of the window. Marriage is not only about love, marriage is about love. Yes. And then it is about understanding, it is about compromise. It is about sacrifice. It is about patience, it is about mercy. These are the other factors that make marriage complete. So we need to understand that
even if an argument crops up, what we need to understand is for an argument to go full flow, you need to have two people, you need to have two people, there's just one person talking and the other keeping quiet an argument cannot continue. An argument cannot continue. So what the two spouses need to understand is if an argument crops up and if the husband is angry, the wife needs to calm herself. If, on the other hand, if the wife is angry for something, then the husband needs to calm himself down. He needs to perhaps make ablution because we need to understand that anger is from the devil. And there is from shaytaan anger is from shavon. So let us try to change our postures perhaps
drink a cup of water, get up, sit down, make some ablution seek refuge in Allah subhanho wa Taala. From the occurrence Devin. And most important of all, let us bear patience. Because at the end of the day, we need to understand that marriage is a beautiful bond. Marriage is a beautiful bond that has been sealed off in the heavens. It has been sealed off it has been decreed in the heavens and who was the matchmaker, the matchmaker was none other than our beloved maker a loss of behind the word Allah. And marriages begin from this dunya. And they are supposed to last for an eternity. Our bonds of marriage have to traverse even on to the next world. So we need to think broadly, we need
to think very broadly, the minute we start thinking like that, we will bring about patience. Now let me share with you a story and then I'll wrap it up.
There was once a lady who was married to a man who had a very short fuse. He had a very short fuse. He used to get angry for every little thing. Say perhaps the sugar is a bit less in the tea. He used to blow his dog. Maybe if there was a little too much of oil in the car. He used to blow his stop for every little thing. And he started nitpicking he was getting angry for every little thing but the wife loved him a lot. She loved him very dearly. But what was happening is that she was finding it difficult
Maintain the relationship because he was like a volcano for every little thing. He was blowing his top and he was losing his temper, but she loved him dearly. And at times the friction was so much that it almost resulted many a time in them separating in divorce. So one day, she was thinking what to do. And then she hears about a lady, a lady who's well versed in magic, who is well versed in magic, she, she knew the art of making love potions. So this lady, she wanted her husband to love her. So she goes to this lady and she tells the lady about the story. And then she tells her, I want a love potion. I want a love potion, so that I can mix it in my husband's food. And the minute he
drinks it, he'll be he'll be madly in love with me. And then my problem is solved. There will be no more volcano bursts, there will not be no more anger to be worried about. So can you please make this love potion for me? I'll pay you whatever the price you want. The lady says no problem. I can make you the love potion. But then there is just one small issue. To complete the love potion. I need an ingredient that is not easy to get. And that is the whisker of a tiger. It is the whisker of a tiger one whisker of a tiger now this is a story with a moral to it. Yeah, I need that risk of a tiger if you can get me that. I'll make you the potion and give. So now the lady is wondering how am
I to get the whisker of a tiger. Then this other lady has a you know in this particular jungle, there is a tiger there is a tiger living in a particular cave. Why don't you go and try and get the whisker The minute you get me the whisk. I'll make you the potion. Now this lady she feels hopeless. She goes back home and she's wondering how on earth am I to get a risk of a tiger, a tiger. It's a cat. It's fine, but a tiger. She keeps thinking and a few months go by because each morning she gets up and she determines Okay, I'm going to go get the risk of the tiger. She gets she steps out of a house and then she realizes Oh my god, it's a tiger. I can't deal with a tiger and she comes back
inside. So this went on for a few weeks until finally she plucked up some courage. And she goes up to the jungle just to check on the tiger. And then as she comes close to the jungle, she hears a deafening roar, the tiger rose from the cave, she runs back home. So gradually she started strengthening herself. She started strengthening herself until finally she made it to the mouth of the cave. And then the first day she witnesses the tiger. She witnesses the tiger in all its glory and she runs away again. Now she decides the only way I can get to this Tiger is perhaps by feeding some food. So she started staying out of the mouth of the cave and throwing food every day, every
single day. So gradually that Tiger started to get used to this routine and started to warm up to her until finally she could make her way into the cave. And now she used to feed him close to the cave but still throwing the food. And now it it developed further this relationship between the woman and the tiger until finally she could go up to the tiger and feed him. Now so far so good. But now plucking a whisker is not easy. Now plucking a whisker is going to be tough. So finally he developed so much that now she started to sit by the tiger pack the tiger on the head and give the tiger the food to eat. Now she's plucking up her courage to pluck that whisker. And she's because
she's worried about the minute she plucks the whiskey feed. If the tiger gets angry, the tiger is going to have her for a meal. So finally one day she realizes now I think the tiger is tame enough. And she takes the the jump you know the risk and she plucks the whisker. The Tiger was carved the tiger didn't even feel it. She was so happy. But this process almost took about a year or two. And now she holds that prized possession in her hand. The Tigers whisker and she runs she runs to that lady and says lady I got your ingredient. I got the Tigers visca now make me the potion for me. And the lady says My dear sister, you don't need a potion. You tamed a wild tiger. Why can't you tame
your husband? You don't need a potion with patience with hard work you tamed a tiger, a wild Tiger in the jungle. Why on earth Can't you tame your husband? This is a lesson. It applies for both sides for both partners for both spouses, whether it be the husband or the wife that we handle things smoothly, beautifully with patients resulting in all of those arguments is falling into bits. The minute we look back after an argument we'll think oh it was such a petty issue. It was such a petty issue at times you ask people who have now divorced you go and ask them Do you regret this? Of course I regret they lost their children. They lost the happiness of that marriage of that house.
The house is in shatters their home is in their home.
is no longer a home, the children have been brought up in such a way that they're torn apart between the two parents. So that when they think about it afterwards they regret they think, you know, we fought over just some petty issue. So let us be patient, it is understand it's a sacrifice, it has compromise, resulting in our marriages becoming very, very strong, and also resulting in our marriages traveling from this world, on to the next on to the earth era where we will reside in eternal and perpetual bliss. May Allah subhana wa Taala forgive all of our sins, may he the almighty accept our good deeds may alleviate the sufferings of the Muslim Ummah, especially our brother in
universe, many reward them and you accept the Shahada from them and maybe grant them highest stations in general for the trials and calamities that they are going through. And mainly the almighty bless this bond of nikka that is about to take place. In a few minutes. Many blessed the two spouses, many fill their hearts with fill love for one another. And may God Almighty bless them with beautiful obedient children who will be a coolness to their eyes. Ma the almighty protect all of our marriages too, and many except our good deeds and just as how he united as here this beautiful evening, many the almighty unite us in the gardens of Genoa with our beloved Master
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. Well after that, in hamdu Lillahi Rabbil alameen wa