Social and Family Conflicts 06 Anger

Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari

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AI: Summary © The transcript discusses the qualities of various people and their differences in behavior, including negative and rewarded qualities. They touch on the importance of positive and negative qualities in each individual's life and the jumbled mix of unrelated statements and symbols.
AI: Transcript ©
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Bismillah learn your Walkman you're walking

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did Allahumma aluminum and found out when finally in Ireland, Tina was in Ireland. Subhanak Allahumma Molina Illa marlington Interlimb Kim provide

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respected brothers sisters, dear listeners, salam Wa alaykum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh welcome all of you once again to my daily discourse on the topic of family dispute and family conflicts, causes and solutions.

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If you remember yesterday, we discussed the fifth cause, which I titled as selfishness and selflessness being selfish and being self centered.

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And the solution to that was ethos that was the fifth cause. And before that, we talked about the other four in quite detail. Today inshallah now and move on to cause number six, we've we move on to cause number six and solution, a very important topic

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and a major root cause of many of our problems and disputes.

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The cause is

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what we call in Arabic, Aladdin, in English, anger and rough

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up.

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This is a

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quality or an attribute.

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Anger is the college an attribute which all human beings

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possess.

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Allah subhanho wa taala, our Lord and Creator created it among within ourselves. He created it for a wisdom that he knew best than we should have anger. And the wisdom is apparently that if though if we did not have anger at all, completely, no anger whatsoever, then

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a human would never even be able to defend himself from an enemy. For example, if some enemy is attacking him or her, he won't be able to defend himself.

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He will never have anger in his life and defend himself. So for occasional reasons and occasional situations, in order to defend oneself in a novel Halal manner, Allah subhanho wa Taala our Lord and Creator created this anger within ourselves. Right? So anger, I mean, all these, you know, kind of spiritual diseases and these attributes that we have some some people might think, Well, why didn't Why did Allah create them within ourselves? Why didn't Allah just not create jealousy amongst us and within ourselves? Why didn't Allah just create us without anger? Why did Allah subhanaw taala craters without these kinds of feelings and emotions? The simple answer without going to detail is

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that there is a Hikmah wisdom behind every single one of these attributes or qualities or feelings or emotions. And the wisdom for each one is different, but there is a wisdom and there is there was a need, because there is a justified usage to it. Right, there is a justified use to it. And without some of these, like anger, for example, as I said, a person will, you know, need anger in his or her life, to an extent, to use it lawfully in Halloway. Like in a battlefield, for example.

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However,

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on most of the occasions, it is unlawful to act upon one's anger, we need to control our anger. Anger is the cause number six, and probably one of the major causes, one of the major causes one of the main reasons of many disputes, family problems, friction, and, you know, a lot of the argumentation that we find, and fights and quarrels that we find ourselves in and we see

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the messenger sallallahu alayhi wasallam. Those are so heavy

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It'll be Allahu Anhu.

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Sedona Abu Huraira the great companion of the Allahu Anhu. May Allah be pleased with him he relates that a man came to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and said Yara Soon Allah, O Messenger of Allah oseni wala Teixeira Allah, yeah, and if you revived him, I will see you Oh Jesus. Yeah Rasul Allah messenger of Allah give me an advice. counsel me, advice me give me an advice, but please make it short. Something should. Now this was not disrespectful to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam reason being is that you know, sometimes a person may be in a hurry, a person must make in haste and he needs to go somewhere else. So scholars based on this hadith and what have they

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done they've actually stated that it's not disrespectful for a student for us then inferior for a junior when asking advice from a senior to respectfully say and you know, request that can you give me a shortness he had given me a short briefness. He has it's not a problem. Right? Now. He said, Jarocin Allah give me a Naseeha but making sure to brief you know, just Oh Jesus. So the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said love the dub, do not become angry.

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Now, don't love it. Now, when the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam,

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out of all the different types of counseling, counseling, that who could have

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imparted with and all the different types of massage and now see her and advices that he could have given the messengers of Allah and he chose to say lots of them, don't become angry

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Latok do not become angry. Now, anger reason being is because this disease and this emotion or this feeling or this attribute of anger is such that it creates many different it results in many different evils. And since anger in other scholars actually explained they say that a human being a human being

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has two major qualities and emotions because of which he sins we have an over to Shania and an overkill of other beer and over to Shania is the lustful nature. The lustful soul in order to show any half of the sins a man or a woman a human being commits is because of an order to show any of the less full nature of the soul. Right? And less will nature show amines like the desires of the and the lustful nature of the soul, the desire of the heart, right, and that's an order to show Ania and this is the reason why the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in one Hadith he said meant as a wager with Azzawajal ad for the stepmother missile. IMANI

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is that is always your focus. Kamala Abdu missile Imani the one who marries he has competed half of his faith, but yet who have initial burpee. Let him just fear Allah subhanho wa Taala in the remaining half now because marriage you're controlling your lustful nature. So half of the sins committed by a human being is because of his or her natural nature, or to Shalini and the other half are since committed due to an order to love or be angry solve the angry nature. Right, the angry song

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and Allah subhanaw taala actually talks about this in the Quran together he says when leadin Allah the owner ma Allah He

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wanted to do in a nutshell let the Haram Allah Who elaborate wala is loon when I have to learn enough seletti Haram Allahu Allah will happy when I is noon, when Latina Daya their own Allahu Allah and he talks about though he says these are the people lay their own Allahu Akbar. They do not call out to anyone besides Allah, Allah subhanho wa taala. And then he comes he mentioned to since Allah Subhana Allah mentioned two sins, one, connected to the lower to Shaohua near the lustful soul and the other as an example of a sin

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connected to relate it to associated to the angry soul. He said, What I Octoroon enough salah the Haram Allahu Allah will help they do not kill lactone they do not commit capital murder, they do not kill any soul that Allah has made haram meaning without any justification, what is known and they do not commit Zina and adultery and fornication. Now other than Zina murder, killing someone and adultery, these are two sins killing someone is connected to

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the via the angry nature, the angry soul and fornication is related to the lustful nature. So therefore a human being, all the vices and sins that

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We see in the world and within ourselves if we make a list of sins that we commit, each one of us will see half of them are connected to an order to show hernia, the other half will be connected to in order to have an idea, and this is the reason why we need to control these two aspects within our bodies. These two aspects and and fasting actually Subhanallah and eat fasting, fasting, CIN has been prescribed in order to control these two aspects and these two forces within our system.

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Seriously, fasting has been prescribed to control right to control and this is the reason why once we fast we can't eat we can't drink and we don't have sexual relations. And and you know because eating less and drink well sorry not eating or not drinking this control this control the human being the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was once asked once he addressed the young people and he said, you know, whoever is not able to marry then

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you know he should fast but you know Luigia because it is a shield. So fasting becomes a shield from the you know, last Malaysia as well as, as well as the angry nature even though a lot of people become angry when they're fasting. But in reality, when you don't eat you're when you don't have the energy. You don't have the energy, you're lethargic, you're lazy, you just don't have the energy. So it's to control when and control these two natures and that's why Allah says Allah contactable when because when you fast it's owed in order to gain Taqwa. Because when you control these two natures, these two forces, you become a monopoly you bring about taqwa in your life. Anyway, going back to

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what I was saying, Dear Brothers and Sisters,

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anger, you know, is considered to be one of the root causes of many of our sins. And this is why the messenger sallallahu alayhi, wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam, he said to the Sahaba, this companion when he asked for a short for a brief and concise advice, he said, Learn double bump do not become angry. Reason being is because anger results in all the other things that we see, as I said, one of the major probably the main root cause of family disputes and family problems, right? This is this sixth cause that we're looking at. We've talked about the other five since the beginning of Ramadan. This is the sixth cause of family disputes. So we're talking about

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anger, reason being the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam why he Salah talk about a short advice because if a person controls his or her anger, if Anger is controlled, then we are able to stay away from half of the things we commit to specifically we avoid conflict argumentation, because you see, look, you know, anger results in many different sets.

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Look, let me give you an example. Let me give you some examples.

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When we become angry, when someone angers us when we become angry,

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angry person will commit all the other things you can think of. Because, you know when when someone makes you angry,

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then

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that person

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may be someone who you have control over. Right?

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Or someone who you don't have control over is what I'm saying. When you become angry, the person who you are angry upon, if that person's your junior, say for example, your junior, he's your son, or his your student, is your daughter, she's your daughter, sorry, your children, your students, people working for you're the boss, you're you have a control over them, you use their superiors, if you're a superior, and you have control over them and you become angry, then this will result in you committing major sins such as pride, such as, you know, killing such as hitting, slandering, swearing, striking, beating up punching, slapping, injuring, and the list goes on. These are all the

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kinds of sins because that person is under your control. So when you're angry, you might just throw something at them. You might just slap them. You might just punch them, you might just swear at them. They'll be physical, verbal abuse, right? Anger. And the messenger SallAllahu wasallam said about, you know, swearing and slandering that it's fist suburban Muslim, if possible. If it's physically abused, you're hitting and striking. You know, the husband has control over his wife. Right? He will strike her. If he becomes angry. That's a small conflict to place. And he became angry now if his wife is under his control. And I'm saying if because not it's not always the case

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because sometimes the wife is not under the control maybe the other way around. Sometimes. That is okay.

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Is as well. Because, you know, there's a lot of situations where I see it from both sides, we have to be very, very just, but if the husband has the wife under his control, then what happens

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is that he'll striker who beat her up, and he bruised her own puncher, he'll injure her. They'll be physical abuse, and if not physical abuse, then mental and psychological and verbal abuse. Likewise, the wife as well, if she has a lot of anger in her, and she cannot control her anger, then what would happen? She will, she may physically abused her husband, you might think, yes, why? Yes, it happens. Domestic violence going search, it's not just the man, it's both ways. I mean, we had a conference once recently, not recently, a while back, which I attended. And there was statistics and figures presented by experts who actually were mentioned that there's domestic violence takes place

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from both sides. And in some cases, most are from the women, because they think they have the freedom and liberty, they think they're vulnerable. And they, they will throw plates and they will throw, you know, whatever is in their hands and cups and sources and knives and whatever. And people get injured and people have to go hospital Subhanallah that happens. It's from both sides, right. But if the point here is that when a person has anger,

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and

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the person you're dealing with is under your control, under your control, then you it will result in the sins that I've just mentioned, physical abuse, verbal abuse, mental psychological abuse, there'll be slandering, they'll be swearing, they'll be cursing, they'll be hitting, there'll be, you know, all these kinds of things.

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However, if the situation is such that the person who angered you is not under your control,

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and you become angry at your father, you can't really say anything, or your mother, or your elder brother, or your uncle, or your aunt or your teacher, or someone's superior to you or someone more powerful and mighty, someone who if you've even say something, I probably really beat you up and and strike you and you know, will really enjoy you. So you scared you can't really say anything, someone who's who's not under your control, then

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you've got the anger, you might say, Now, I'm not going to commit sins. So even in that situation, sins will be committed, because you've got that anger, right? Now, you won't have the

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ability, and you won't have that

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option to say anything back to him, because you don't have control, He is senior to you. So at that time, you will remain quiet, right in his presence, in the presence of that senior person whom you feel or have respectful, you remain quiet. But once you disappear from his eyesight, once you go away home, then when you speak to other people you talk about like a wife, for example, who doesn't have control over the husband and considers her husband to be superior and cannot say anything, then what will she do she took should have anger that time or like for example, you know a student with a teacher or you know, whatever situation if you cannot say anything back at that time, then you will

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take it all in and that anger then you go to other people, you will swear and slandered in the presence of others and you will do riba so that now, anger is resulting in Riba and backbiting in enmity, you'd have enmity in the heart, jealousy maybe, and more and hatred and malice, all these kinds of sins.

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This is the reason why our beloved messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi, wa aalihi wa sahbihi wa sallam mentioned to the Sahadi to this companion, a brief advice he said, letaba do not become angry. Reason being is that anger results in many sins, majority of the sins are created are a result of our anger. And as I mentioned, that in both scenarios, if the person upon whom you are angry is under your control, then it will result in sins such as striking, physical abuse, hitting, swearing, slandering, etc. And if the person upon whom you are angry, is not under your control is beyond your control, then you will remain quiet at that time, but later on, you will maybe commit

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sins such as backbiting, tell bearing having enmity, hatred, dislike in the heart. So, all the things many sins are, you know, committed and created due to anger. And anger is a major it's a severe spiritual disease brothers and sisters. I don't want to really go into talking about anger because it's a spiritual disease. And so that's another topic we're looking at family disputes, causes and solutions. But I remember a couple of years ago

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already Ramadan you know I used to go through the spiritual diseases one by one and actually talked about anger over two hours I remember but it's a severe disease you know swallowing one's anger is so important.

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The messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Lisa should you to be thorough laser should you do the surah in never shaded alidium Liquid circle and a lot of that you're not a brave person. You're not a brave person because of

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being able to defeat another human being

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in the machete the real brave should eat the brave person is the one a lady Yeah, Malika enough. So who and alojado the one who is able to control himself and the time of anger. There's no, you know, why do we boast, you know, I'm angry, I have control of people, you know, I'm really angry person and people do where I say

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the opposite of anger and the solution which I will go into Inshallah, in quite detail is Saba is patience, but we need to bring about the quality of patients. So laser should need to be solar, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, a person is not brave by Surah by being able to defeat another person, whether it's physical or mental or psychological.

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Whether it's physical, and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, You're not a brave person by defeating another person. I added in explanation, whether it's physical, or psychological or verbal. What I mean by that physical is that

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you have physical warfare, fighting, and you're beating one another up. And if you have victory, that's a really big deal. So what?

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That's no big deal.

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And even if it's verbal, you're having an argument, you said something, she said something you said something, she said something, you said something, she said she came back. And then we want to have the last say, you know, some of us like, until I learned that the last say, that's not going to work, I have to say that I say what benefit is in there. You could have gotten maybe made work somewhere, make some money,

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do something for your benefit in this world or the next world. 10 minutes, you could have maybe worked and earn so many

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carry on and carry on with that dispute. So whether it's verbal or psychological,

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in any way, shape, or form, at least they should need to be thorough, in the Masha did alidium Liko NAFSA, who ended up the real brave person is not the one is not the one, you know, SubhanAllah. Some of us we don't even realize what we need to do and what makes us good human beings. We've actually, you know, some of these things I'm talking about, right? Some of us had Hamdulillah we know what's right, what's wrong.

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Some of us we do know what's right, what's wrong, we know that we shouldn't have anger. We know, sometimes some of us, unfortunately, are in such situations that we don't even realize what's right and what's wrong. Like once a brother was once mentioning to me

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that he was driving a car. I can't remember how long ago this was, where it was or anything right now.

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You mentioned to me that, you know, you're talking about some park the you know, the how wrote some roads are crowded, and some of the streets in one of the cities, you know how the roads are so crowded, and it's like, you know, cars are parked on both sides. If a car comes from that side, from the other side, to cars, it's very difficult to for both of them to pass with one another, like in Leicester as well as some of the streets in high fields, you see, you know, I just tried to avoid, I have to go round high fields because it's just so difficult to drive through those some of the streets, you know, some parking on both sides is very difficult. So, this was mentioned to me, he

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was discussing, he said, Oh, you know, oh Subhanallah you know, I was driving and I brought my car, I went into the street and the other driver came from the other side. And

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he he was driving his car now. It was absolutely difficult for us to pass one another. So I flashed at him, you know, for him to move back. He said, No, you look back. I said no, you go back. I said you go back. He said to me, No, you go back, you know, actually the windows shoutings he said to me, he's so boasting and proud about this. Hello this this what I'm saying is simple because we don't even realize his boasting and shouting. He said, I said to him I opened my window. I said look, you know how you see this more distance? You know how? On my side for me, I have to go back a lot. You have to go just a bit. He said no, you know, I'm not going back this you know, cause and it's

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difficult. You return you retreat, you go back and he's telling me in such a like a boastful way because you know what I did? I just asked my engine and as

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It felt have folded my hands and said, Okay, I've got all night, I'm going to sleep here.

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Subhanallah that was boasting and saying that this is what I did. And I said to you, okay, you don't want to go back. You know what I'll do? My engines off. And I said to my son, relax, put your chair back, you know, wake us up in the morning.

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And he said, he did the same as well. He asked his engineers Well, come on all this 1520 minutes, half an hour, one hour, how many minutes would have it taken to just go back? Two minutes. This argumentation maybe took half an hour, 45 minutes, it would have taken 10 minutes, five minutes, two minutes to retreat, take your car in reverse. And your ego would have hurted. But that's what we're here for.

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This, that's what we're here for.

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In this world,

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our ego, you know, would have hurt it. But you see, we have two options.

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We have two options in this world. Right? We have two options.

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If someone hurts us, then we you know, we retaliate. And we make a big deal out of it. And we take it further. You know, if someone tells if you find out that someone saying something about you, now it's okay, who was talking about me? And what did they say about me and you go into it? And options. Okay. They talked about me flying them praising me will not make me good. Them criticizing me will not make me a bad person. It's Allah subhanho wa taala. You know, through whom, and who's doing I become good or bad. seriously think like that. It just doesn't, you know, there's no use whatsoever.

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bickering around and carrying on with argumentation. Now this this situation is late. You know, he said, And seriously, you know what happened? He said, You know, the other person said, okay, he asked his engineers, oh, this car and he said, and I'm here as well. I've got a whole night as well. I don't need to go anywhere. So he said that, you know, we did me and my son, we walked out of the car because our house was somewhat close by and we said, we love the car. He says Salaam Alaikum. And we're leaving. We're going in the car, we're recovering. And we'll come back in the morning Fajr time.

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Anything, the brother was actually telling me that he was quite proud of this. And I was thinking to myself, This is not something to be proud of. This is something to be remorseful about, and to be shy about. It's like, you know, if a person wants to steal, then would you tell someone that you know, yeah, I stole something. Somebody wants to commit adultery, fornication or some other haram activity, something you would want people to hide. It's not something to show people and talk about

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So the point being that some of the things we don't even realize some of us don't even realize that these are things that we are not supposed to do.

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So going back to anger and the Hadith, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Yeah, this example was for that hadith, the messenger SallAllahu. And he was gonna say, laser should either be surah in the machete and let em liquid if so who and and

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you're not a brave person by defeating the other person, like in this alteration that took place between these two individuals, you you you are driving your car, the other driver is bringing his car from the opposite end of the road. Okay, now, you're saying you retreat to reverse your car. He's saying the same to the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, the old powerful, the powerful and mighty person sorry, Lisa, should you do this surah I was translating shall not not brave. Lisa should eat the powerful person.

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Right? The powerful person, the mighty person is not the one who defeats the other. If you got your way and you forced him to go back, the Messenger of Allah, the Beloved of Allah. Allah Allah mean the message of mankind sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Salah to Allah He was Allahu Allah Subhana Allah for us. The best of examples is the messenger of Allah. He imagined for one moment, you know, the way to determine all of this, and I've mentioned this on a few occasions like that brother, who was forcing if you are driving your car and you're forcing the other person to retreat and reverse. Imagine for a moment where you're sat on your driving in your driving seat on the steering wheel for

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one moment, think

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if the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sat here driving, think for a moment, how would he react?

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How would he react? Will he argue? And would he tell the other person that you reverse easily? That's the fear of driving a car. If you want to know how to drive a car, for one moment think there were no cars in the town at the mercy of sal Allahu Allah. He was selling them and

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Neither is it a bit out by the way to drive a car, freight. But just imagine, think for a moment, if the Messenger of Allah the mercy to the whole of humanity and mankind.

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Imagine just close your eyes for a moment and think if he was driving a car if he was on my position

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Subhan Allah, the Messenger of Allah had the quality of ethos that's going back to the quality of the thought giving preference to other people. He wouldn't had one moment of hesitation

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in retreating on going back.

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He says he Elisa should either be Surah

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laser shall need to be so in the machete and let em liquid of several and alojado.

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The powerful and mighty person is not the one who defeats the other. If you made the other driver cheat, that's no big deal. In the sight of the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he says the real brave and in the real mighty person, the real powerful individual is a Lady Emily kunafa who are in the job, the one who is able to control himself or herself when being angered at the time of anger. That's that's the real test. Allah says in the Quran, while cow the middle wife will feel uneasiness wala who your head will Mycenae?

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Those who swallow the anger while cow we mean alive. And those who forgive people when I feed and Enos

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Allahu hibel Martini. Allah loves the Mercy Nene the doers of God. Allah called these people mercy mean, these are the people of good,

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great reward or not being angry. So the major root cause six cause of family disputes, anger, because you know, when we angry at home, it's a major root cause within within the family. If you don't control anger, we end up fighting an argument and disputing and problems after problems after problems. Disputes between the spouses between the husband and the wife disputes between parents and children. Disputes between siblings, between the extended family members and the relatives and uncles and aunts and between Muslims in general and just the wider society. Anger causes a lot of heartache. Anger causes a lot of these problems and friction remember that help with a bird you know

00:32:31--> 00:33:12

about anger, as I said results in love the other kinds of sins, like hatred and enmity and slandering and swearing and Heba backbiting and tailbone and striking and hitting, verbal abuse and physical abuse. Now, it's such a disease is because the the fact that it results in all these other sins, they're all connected to the rights of the servant of Allah, Allah subhanaw taala hopefully that any of the sin we could just ask Allah Allah forgive me would with sincerity with devotion, Tobert and Nasu Ha, we repent to Allah Allah forgives, but all the sins connected to the servants of Allah until they do not forgive us until we do not go and seek forgiveness from them. Until we do

00:33:12--> 00:33:17

not go and seek forgiveness from them. It is difficult for that sin to be forgiven but Allah subhanaw taala

00:33:18--> 00:33:20

so we really need to control our anger,

00:33:22--> 00:33:28

a lot of other control it for the sake of Allah subhana wa to either control it

00:33:30--> 00:33:41

and we look at our predecessors you know, we have to you know, there are ways of controlling anger and the opposite of anger brothers and sisters. It's about patience as I said. So the solution is subpar.

00:33:44--> 00:33:54

Solution. The cause for family dispute is anger. The solution is to bring about this unique and this amazing quality of southern

00:33:55--> 00:34:10

of patience of fortitude, Hamel and southern Indiana your work for sabe Runa Agera home be ready Hey Serbian, Allahu Allah Subhana Allah says the ones who have suffered, the ones who have patients in their life.

00:34:11--> 00:34:24

Allah when reward them be really hisab without without any end and wrecking there is no end to the reward of summer

00:34:25--> 00:34:26

Subhanallah

00:34:28--> 00:34:28

This is summer.

00:34:31--> 00:34:33

So we need to bring about somebody if someone said something.

00:34:34--> 00:34:54

If someone hurts your feelings for the sake of Allah, just swallow your anger and have someone for the sake of Allah. You will avoid a love heartache serious is good for you in this world, good for us in this world and the next world for the next world. We just just read the verse of the Quran in ama you will first saw the Runa Jerome be really

00:34:56--> 00:34:59

amazing rewards Subhanallah amazing rewards in

00:35:00--> 00:35:00

aka

00:35:01--> 00:35:11

on Southern but even in this world, we'll avoid aggravating the situation for the sake of Allah just you know just stay quiet and for the sake of Allah.

00:35:12--> 00:35:39

Well I fina and Enos well law had been proceeding while lemon savara wa Farah in Nevada lemon asmall Omu Allah says lemon sobre the one who has patience will refer and forgives in Nevada mean as it will move. This is from the high, highly, highly praiseworthy act and character traits for the sake of Allah subhana Widad.

00:35:41--> 00:35:47

For the sake of Allah, you know, there's an incident Imam Abu Hanifa Radi Allahu Taala and who one of the great Imams

00:35:48--> 00:35:53

we hear of these great four Imams regularly. Imam Abu Hanifa Imam

00:35:54--> 00:36:02

Malik in Anna's bananas, Imam Shafi and Imam Ahmed bin 100 Are the Allahu Anhu may Allah be pleased with all of them.

00:36:04--> 00:36:07

Imam Abu Hanifa, one of one of the four major Imams

00:36:09--> 00:36:11

who many of us follow, who came to follow

00:36:13--> 00:36:19

the incident regarding human rights. I heard this from my teacher who shared with me half of the whole lot and read in one of his books as well.

00:36:21--> 00:36:43

Imam Abu Hanifa is listen to the story. You know, it's just so unique and amazing. Imam Abu Hanifa Radi Allahu Anhu was a man of piety and religious learning. And he was such a busy individual. If you looked at his timetable, the whole day he would spend in Chi Ching researching,

00:36:45--> 00:37:28

writing, extracting deriving the rules of Islam Feck jurisprudence that was his job throughout the whole day. You know his if you look at his timetable from after Fajr Salah after Iraq, he will sit with his students people like Imam will use of Rahim Allah Imam Muhammad, Hassan a che Bernie him observer and you know many others of his students and they would sit and they would look at the Quran and Sunnah they would extract derive rules and facts and Messiah. This was the job whole day from pleasure to the her and then from that just have a small lapping afternoon or EULA but then after that it hasn't another another iteration Teresa and after Isha he will not sleep he would go

00:37:28--> 00:37:46

back at night and then at nighttime, someone like us would say, oh, you know what, I'm tired whole day I've been happy working for Dina been in figma for the we will do whole night. He would worship Allah subhanaw taala by reciting Quran performing Sonata tahajjud pa Malay worshipping Allah subhanaw taala.

00:37:48--> 00:38:03

And this is why it's related that for 40 years, Abu Hanifa Imam, Abu Hanifa, you know, perform Salat al Fajr, with the same wudu of solitude Asia. The same will do that he performed at the time of Asia. Right, he performed

00:38:05--> 00:38:06

Salah to fresh.

00:38:08--> 00:38:47

Now, imagine a person like that the whole day, the whole day. He is working for the sake of Allah serving his dream, teaching, writing, researching, studying, engrossed in these activities. And then the whole night He doesn't sleep as well he worships Allah. The only time he slept was a couple of hours and hour and a half couple of hours in the afternoon which is called a lulu, which is the Sunnah of the messenger, sallallahu alayhi salam, mid afternoon nap. Now the story goes that once on such occasion and afternoon,

00:38:48--> 00:39:14

imagine for a person right and there are two, two hours of actual sleep. Imagine how important an integral part of that person's life the two hours would be. You don't sleep the whole night. You worship Allah and the whole day you've got, you know, serious business to attend to. You just have the two hours couple of hours of Bailu that you you really need that sleep and you don't want to be disturbed in any way shape or form. Right? You never you can't be disturbed.

00:39:17--> 00:39:18

Now

00:39:20--> 00:39:31

remember, Hanifa Radi Allahu Anhu one of these days in the afternoon. On one occasion, he went home for his mid afternoon nap. Are you Lulu Sana to sleep?

00:39:32--> 00:39:36

He was just about asleep and somebody came to his front door and knocked bang, bang, bang.

00:39:38--> 00:39:49

Now, you're just about to fall asleep. Imagine how angry you could get because everybody knew him. He was the figurehead in the community. Right? Everybody knew him.

00:39:50--> 00:39:56

And he knew that look, people know that I shouldn't be disturbed this time. But is it okay no problem. He went to the front door. He opened the door

00:39:57--> 00:39:59

and there's a brother there this person there

00:40:01--> 00:40:10

said Yes, Brother, can I help you? You said Yeah, I have a question. He asked you a question. I have a muscular Can you please ask? Can you please answer me?

00:40:11--> 00:40:12

Now Subhan Allah, just imagine

00:40:15--> 00:40:56

you know, Hanifa Radi Allahu Anhu This is the only two hours that he sleeps. The whole rest of the day before this in the morning before the half on budget about our sat in the masjid. You could have come and asked your question there. And you know that in a couple of hours before us, I'm going to be back in the masjid to Asia. And we are still teaching there and studying and researching and we had an I sit there specifically for people, you can ask your questions. You don't ask questions. And this is the only time you'll find someone like me will probably really use it. You'll be angry, like coming to my house. I have a place where you can come and ask questions. The more honey for nothing.

00:40:56--> 00:40:58

Okay, brother, no problem ask.

00:41:00--> 00:41:06

So he said, um, you know, I've just forgotten it just slipped my mind. I forgot

00:41:07--> 00:41:09

Subhanallah you know, honey for no problem. He closed the door.

00:41:10--> 00:41:11

He went back

00:41:12--> 00:41:15

to upstairs or whatever, where he was sleeping.

00:41:16--> 00:41:17

Going to his bed.

00:41:19--> 00:41:30

About 10 minutes, five minutes is just about to drop off. There goes a dog in bang, bang, bang. The person knocked again. He's an oz. Moses. He went back to the

00:41:31--> 00:41:36

same brother said Yes, brother now. Can I help you? Today? I

00:41:38--> 00:41:41

remember the question. So go ahead ask me inshallah. No problem.

00:41:43--> 00:41:56

He said, I said, Oh, Subhan Allah, I remembered. You know, when I came to the door when a knock, I remember when you're halfway down your stairs. I only remembered it's just skipping slipped my mind. I've just forgotten. Please forgive me.

00:41:57--> 00:42:01

Now honey, faster, no problem. You shall know when you remember me. And he closed the door.

00:42:02--> 00:42:24

Back home. Just about to go to sleep again. You might imagine the importance of the sleep, you know, subhanAllah you realize the importance of the sleep if you know, the maqam of Abu Hanifa or the Allahu Anhu. He was just one go to sleep again. Bang, bang, bang, knock on the door, the same pattern of honey follow the Allahu Anhu. Even back to the door open. He said Yes. Brother happy now remember your question.

00:42:25--> 00:42:28

He said yes. I've remembered my question said yes. What's the question?

00:42:30--> 00:42:36

He said, um, you know, me and my friend were having this debate and discussion. And,

00:42:37--> 00:42:39

you know, he said, The, you know, the

00:42:40--> 00:42:53

impurity that exists from the human body in the stool. When you when you go to the toilet, we were just debating, we want you to know whether it tastes sweet, or whether it's sour in taste.

00:42:55--> 00:43:16

Now, this is taking it to the limit, maximum, you know, this person intentionally came to chest about how you follow the Allahu Anhu. This is not just the only incident because there are many incidents in the life of Sayana Imam Abu Hanifa, not a man with vervet or the Allahu anhu, where he was tested, people slandered him, and you know, he will never become angry. Subhanallah

00:43:17--> 00:43:31

there's another incident where, you know, because he had a lot of people jealous off him. People never liked his fame. And because of jealousy, people used to say bad things about him. Once he was, you know, there's another incident where once he was

00:43:32--> 00:44:18

going home, and one person saw him in the middle of the road that oh, there's about Hanifa and his walking. So he joined up with him, and carried on walking with Him, slandering him and swearing at him, abusing him mouthing him using all sorts of slanderous language and making all these remarks. So you don't pay for said nothing. Nothing, nothing in response to that person. He was with him throughout Imam Abu Hanifa, his journey from the message to his house, every alleyway every step he was with him, he turned the corner, he turned with him, he ran right he went right with him, he took a left he went left with him, all the way to the entrance of his house, when they reach to the

00:44:18--> 00:44:56

entrance of his house, he Mongol Hanifa or the Allahu Anhu. He turned around and said, Brother, okay, now I'm going to enter inside my house. So I'm going to depart from you, our paths will now separate, I'm going to go into the house and you're going to go somewhere else. So I'm just going to stand here, whatever you have left in your capacity, and whatever you still have left in terms of slanderous language and swearing and arguing etc. Go ahead. I'm standing here, wherever you have, take out all your emotion and take out everything that you've got into your heart. I'm gonna stand here, whatever swearing and slandering you want to do, you know, just go ahead. I'll be waiting for

00:44:56--> 00:44:59

you here for five 510 minutes until you finish and you

00:45:00--> 00:45:46

satisfied. Once you're satisfied you let me know Inshallah, and then I'm just concerned mouth, Sahara and that person once he said that he fell on his feet and he said sorry and he was remorseful and regretful, and this is not a normal human being that I'm interacting with. And that's the point brothers and sisters, that when we become such that we are able to control our anger, and we don't retaliate, we have sovereign and patience, then the other party will naturally if they are sound, and if they are normal people, they will naturally feel guilty and bout bad about what they are doing. They will themselves stop. If you retaliate, then they will retaliate. But if you, if you

00:45:46--> 00:46:00

don't respond in any way, shape or form, not even in a sarcastic manner, then they just will feel guilty about the whole situation. And they will ask forgiveness, you will become beloved and respectful in the eyesight.

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This will be called psychological warfare.

00:46:06--> 00:46:27

So this is this is an amazing quality, unique quality that we need to bring about and have server. So just to finish off the other story of Imam Abu Hanifa Radi Allahu Anhu. This person, what did he say? After three times quoting him from his sleep? The stool comes out from the human body when it exits, does it taste?

00:46:29--> 00:46:31

Does it taste sweet? Or does it Chase

00:46:33--> 00:46:55

Subhanallah Hanifa responding he actually said he goes, You know what, when it's a bit, I don't want to go into the details, but because it's not the right time to talk about this. But he responded to that story. To that question, he actually answered him. So point being, and then that person actually, you know, said he fell onto the feet of Imam and you follow the Allahu Anhu. And he asked for forgiveness. And he said, You know what I was having a discussion with one of my friends. And

00:46:57--> 00:47:35

my friend said that Imago Hanifa doesn't have too much slavery in him and it there's another Imam called Safin authority has a lot of patience, and fortitude, and Sabah. And I said, No, look, I will prove it to you. And this is to prove that I took you to the limits used despite me I knew this is your time to sleep and I troubled you. And three times I've knocked on your door and disturbed your sleep and then I asked such offensive a ludicrous kind of question. And then you even give an answer and then I even Rino said something upon that still you have not even this much retaliation and anger in your life. And I salute you for this and he fell on his feet and he asked for forgiveness.

00:47:35--> 00:47:46

And he said please make dua for me and Allah make me like you and he became one of the greatest students of remember and he followed the Allah who died and these were our pious predecessors, hula Iike if need be with him in

00:47:48--> 00:48:25

jellyroll magenic. So anger brothers and sisters, we really need to control ourselves. I want to carry on with this topic, because this topic has not ended tomorrow I have some very important things to talk about in terms of Saba, we need to bring about somebody in our life right solution is someone today I talked about the cause, but I want to talk about the remedies of how to control anger, but then I want to talk about somebody and patients that how we Insha Allah, you know, um, when we live with our family members and relatives, you know, how we have server and how we should deal with this inshallah. So tomorrow we'll carry on with this cause number six of family disputes

00:48:25--> 00:49:00

and the solution to it, there are very important things I need to talk about more inshAllah duckula Hyper listening. May Allah subhanaw taala grant is that or via an inability to practice on what has been discussed and what has been being discussed over the past few days since the beginning of Ramadan make it to our for me make to offer yourselves for your family for the humanity to duck Allahu Akbar. The Holy Father was tough Roma, Salah Salem is even a Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa Sallim wa salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato Smilla rahmanir rahim. hamdulillah

00:49:01--> 00:49:10

who want to start in who want to start with or who want to study? When are all the beloved to Allah Michelle Dorian phocoena Amin sejahtera Marina Maria de Hillel for them obey the law. Who am I you know, further Hadiya

00:49:12--> 00:49:38

ILAHA hula Cherie. Kela wash hadoo Anessa you don't ever have even a sweat on our continent Mohammed Abdullah rasuluh Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik ala Sayidina Muhammad Ali Have you been a poor hemos how big marine coolamon WR Hoon via MIDI Allahumma aluminum and found out when finally my limb Tina was in an argument Subhanak Allahumma Molina hindlimb antenna in chemo bad.

00:49:39--> 00:49:43

Welcome back, dear listeners to our daily discussion

00:49:44--> 00:49:52

on the topic of family disputes, family friction, family disputes and conflicts causes and solutions.

00:49:55--> 00:49:59

We are continuing with our discussion on cause numbers.

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x, which I started yesterday, we've discussed five major causes for family disputes and family friction previously, which I don't want to go into right now and recap because time is very short today.

00:50:17--> 00:50:20

But I started causing number six

00:50:21--> 00:50:23

cause number six of family disputes,

00:50:25--> 00:50:27

which was anger.

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If you remember, I discussed anger in detail yesterday, how severe the disease of anger is, and how anger is a disease that results in many other sins. It results in sins such as physically hurting someone physically abusing someone, verbally abusing someone striking, hitting, punching, slapping, injuring someone, all of these things, and then verbally as well, such as slandering, swearing, arguing and cursing. And it results in all this kind of sense.

00:51:08--> 00:51:48

And that's when you have control over that person when you are superior. And if you're not superior, if you're scared from the other person, the other person has more power over you then and you would remain quiet at that time, but you will be left frustrated and hence anger will result in since like you would go away from that and then talk bad about that person talk ill about them. It will result in jealousy, hatred, enmity, disliking, the hardened backbiting Tilbury and talking false accusations and talking behind that person's back. So anger is a severe disease that results in many other sins committed committed by us. And this is the reason the Hadith that I mentioned yesterday

00:51:48--> 00:52:12

that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was asked by a sahab a companion or the Allahu Anhu who said Yeah, Rasul Allah on Messenger of Allah oseni give me an advice when making short and brief make it extremely short and brief. And he said Allah double bub. In another Hadith he asked three times, give me an advice, give me counselling Naseeha, and the messenger SallAllahu sallam said last night on three occasions.

00:52:14--> 00:52:57

So we talked about that yesterday, that anger is a severe disease. It's a severe spiritual disease. And I also mentioned that there's a reason and hikma because of which Allah created anger within themselves. And I mentioned some of the reasons because of which anger has been created, because it can be used in a positive way. But we need to control our anger so that we don't use our anger in an unlawful manner. We need to curb our anger we need to control and this is what Allah said in the Quran. Well, Kelvin advice. Well, I feel loneliness for Allah herbal Martini. So anyway, anger is a severe spiritual disease. That is, that is one of the major causes. That's the sixth cause for

00:52:57--> 00:53:30

family disputes. Many of our fights many of our problems, many of our arguments, and our quarrels and our disputes, at home, within the family, in the masjid, at the workplace, on the road, was driving a car whilst we're walking on the road is because of the rage and anger that we find ourselves with, and we are not able to control it. And this is a major cause the opposite of anger. And this one I want to continue talking about is Southern patience.

00:53:31--> 00:53:53

The opposite is patience. Right, Southern. Now there's a very beautiful Hadith and I want to discuss today's discussion on this hadith. There's a hadith in the Sunnah of an imam a Timothy. Radi Allahu anhu, the greatest Hadith imam of Timothy. May Allah be pleased with him. He relates a hadith in his book, sunnah Tirmidhi

00:53:56--> 00:54:10

and double 30 pm Hadith number 2507. Wherein the companion say you do not Abdullah Huebner Omar. Radi Allahu Anhu relates that the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said

00:54:12--> 00:54:24

Al Muslim is can you hold your Panesar? Well yes Biru other whom Hyrule million Muslim in lady now you Holly to not lie Khalid Panesar when I used to go Radha

00:54:26--> 00:54:35

al Muslim is a Cana you Holly kanessa. Westboro and other whom? You don't mean Miguel Muslim Illa de la you Holly Panesar What are your Spiro and other

00:54:37--> 00:54:38

amazing Hadith?

00:54:39--> 00:54:45

I want to discuss this hadith and then talk about Sabah and how to deal with this family conflicts in light of this hadith.

00:54:47--> 00:54:59

We said the main root causes anger so that so now we know. We need to control our anger. controlling our anger. In other words means having Souther and pay

00:55:00--> 00:55:16

Issues swallowing one's anger. So summer. Now the Hadith here the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, a believer, a Muslim, a Muslim, who mixes in with people who interacts with people, you Holly Kunis, who lives with people,

00:55:17--> 00:55:39

and then exercises suburb patients on the home harms caused by them by the people is better is superior than a another Muslim, who does not mix in with people. And hence does not have to exercise suburb patients on their hands.

00:55:41--> 00:55:49

And instead, the Hadith, the translation, the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that there's two types of believers, there's two types of Muslims male or female.

00:55:50--> 00:55:54

And there's one who mixes in with people interacts with people daily,

00:55:56--> 00:56:18

and therefore is harmed by other people. And on that harm exercises, sovereign patients, that Muslim is better than one who does not mix in mix in with people does not interact with people, and hence doesn't have to exercise some of because it's not harmed. Now what the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying in this hadith brothers and sisters do this, and this is that

00:56:20--> 00:56:40

that a Muslim, who a believer, a believing male or female, who says to himself or herself, that you know, what, I'm just going to completely avoid everyone are just going to live in a jungle by myself. And therefore, you know, I'm going to avoid argumentation, friction and problem.

00:56:42--> 00:57:00

That person, there's no big deal in that person not arguing and fighting. It's like a blind man saying that, you know what, I'm not going to look at any unlawful things. A blind man says that, you know, I will not watch porn, or I will not look at nudity, and lawful things.

00:57:01--> 00:57:22

Now, there's not a big deal in a blind man staying away from sins of the eyes. Somebody who can't hear says you know what, I won't listen to an awful music. Likewise, a person who says you know what, I'll just go and live in some kind of jungle somewhere really far away away from everyone just avoid everyone on the top of some kind of mountain.

00:57:23--> 00:58:07

And you know what I want to argue and I want to dispute because he doesn't want to argue it you're going to argue with what the cheese so there's no big deal. So the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that that believer who you Holly to either can or you Holly kanessa, he actually mixes in with people. He interacts with people and the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is actually pointing us to a reality, pointing us to a reality that look, Islam is a religion of realism. Islam is a religion of realism. Islam does not instruct or command or prescribe or suggest, for us to spend a life of solitude spend a life of isolations pay spend a life of privacy, Islam

00:58:07--> 00:58:48

does not advocate isolation, Laura Bernier, Phyllis long, Islam does not say that you just go and isolate your savings self sorry, isolate yourself in some kind of caving in some kind of mountain. Islam does not advocate support, endorse that kind of activity. Islam says no, Islam is a religion of realism. Islam understands the needs of humans. So Islam says, you live in this world, you work you earn you marry, you have children, you have offspring, you have to live with your wife, you have to live with your husband, you have to, you have to spend time with your spouse, you have a family that you will be living with. And you'll be interacting with them on a daily basis you have to go

00:58:48--> 00:59:27

and earn a livelihood. So you'll be mixing in with your employer, your employee, you'll have a tenant and landlord relationship, you will be out and about you will be interacting with people on an irregular basis. This is what Islam is trying to put. This is what the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is directing us towards and this is what he is trying to explain to us and it Hadith that oh people listen, a believer who interacts p with people either Can I go Holly to NASA? He is pointing out to the reality of life, that you can only just go in a jungle and avoid people. We can't avoid people we have to live with people. That's life. This is what the messenger

00:59:27--> 01:00:00

sallallahu alayhi wasallam is saying, This is life. You have to and we have to interact with people we can't avoid people either kind of U haul upon us now when we have to live with people. Now the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is trying to say that when we have to live with people, then that person who interacts and lives with people mixes in with people, and then exercises sober and patience. Why is he saying that because he is pointing out to inevitable con

01:00:00--> 01:00:52

sequence of living with people listen to this carefully again, the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is pointing to an inevitable consequence, an inevitable result, an obvious result of living with people, which is that our feelings will be harmed, our feelings will be hurt, we will be harmed, and there will be some kind of harm towards us. Therefore, he said he's not saying that the person who lives with people and then he is if he is harmed, he never said that. He said, I'll Muslim or Lady Ada can Muslim and Muslim is that can you Holly upon NASA? Well, yes, Biru Allah other home, the Muslim, the believer who mixes in with people and then exercises Saba and patients

01:00:52--> 01:01:33

on the harms given by people. He never said, who mixes in with people and then if he is harmed, not if he is harmed, but rather directly he exercises somewhere on the hunt. Why? Because there is no if here, because it is a natural consequence. It's an absolute must. If we live with people, that 100% We will be harmed yes, if you don't want to be harmed, then you don't live with people you live a life of isolation previously gotten some kind of alarm Hara or mountain or cave or somewhere north pole, south pole, pole, you know becoming a glue or something and live in some place like that. Nobody will harm you and that's it, you're fine. But the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

01:01:33--> 01:01:43

saying that once we live with people and we are interacting with people, we live a life we live a life that we mix in with people, right? So now

01:01:44--> 01:02:03

we live a life we marry, if we marry that as a result as a consequence. 100% Without a shadow of doubt, there will be feelings hurt, feelings will be hurt, we will be harmed. If we live a life of interaction if we have a family, we're living with our parents children,

01:02:04--> 01:02:45

feelings will be hurt, we will be harmed. If we live and mixing with people, if you go and work we have fellow workers we are we have a boss we have an employer employee relationship, we have a teacher student relationship, we have all different types of relationships, then the inevitable consequence is that we will be hurt and our feelings will be hurt or we will be harmed. So the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is telling us this and directing us to us in this hadith, that we have to live with people and once we live with people then being harmed is natural normal and the resultant content, the the consequences, the natural consequence. And you know why?

01:02:47--> 01:03:20

Brothers and sisters you know why we will definitely be harmed by living with people. If you live with people, how things will without doubt be hurt. You know why? Because the way Allah subhanho Medina has created each one of us is different. Even our faces are different Subhan Allah imagine the Quadra the power of Allah who Subhana who at the island since min Lydon since say you do not earn them peace be upon him to today. And until the Day of Judgment, no two human beings look this

01:03:22--> 01:03:42

Subhanallah just imagined. And it doesn't mean that it's not even the case that you know that we have different kinds of organs on our face, we all have a nose. Generally, we all have ears, two years, we all have two eyes, we have cheeks, we all have a forehead, we all have a chin, despite we

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owning the same organs and the same body parts, every one of us looks different from another.

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There's physical difference, and not just not just faces, even our you know, fingerprints. That's why you know if nowadays we take fingerprints in the olden times, I mean not know in the olden times, instead of signing people used to stamp their thumb fingerprints and take thumb prints. Why? Because every human beings, the lines

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in the hand, and in the fingerprints are separate and different from another.

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I remember a couple of years ago last year, was it I think I visited America early last year, Detroit, Michigan for a couple of days conference, I went to the airport, they take a picture. So they say to me that you know, I went to the immigration I handled I was very, very, you know, easy and smooth. And I actually went in quite quickly through the immigration. But

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officer the immigration said to me, okay, can you stand this way? And he took a picture, they take a picture camera, and then he said can you put your thumb here and he actually took my thumb prints.

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So even now we

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Get, some prints are taken.

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Reason being every human beings fingerprint is different. If that's the case with our faces, no two human beings look the same. No fingerprints of two human beings are the same. Then what about the nature, the temperament, the emotions, without a doubt, there are different Allah subhanaw taala either has not created to human beings internally same as

01:05:29--> 01:05:30

there is a difference.

01:05:32--> 01:06:14

The nature, the depth, the sorry temperament, everything we have diverse temperament temperaments, diverse natures, there's diversity in our temperaments there is diversity in our nature. In our understanding, these are inbuilt inherent differences of temperament of nature of interest, I like something, someone else would like something else, that people's interests are different than massage, that the temperament of each human being is different. Now, if that's the case, when people's you know nature, or you know, people's natures are different, and they live together, we have a family, you have a husband, you have a wife, father and the mother, right, and the Son and

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the daughter is a family of like six people, every one of them, they look different, their fingerprints are different, and even their natures and the temperaments are different, especially between the male and the female Gen genders. I mean, if you have brothers and sisters, I mean, there's a different because you're different people, but even your genders are different. If you're a husband and a wife, you're different people. So your understanding your temperament, your nature, everything is different, just because you are two different individuals, but at the same time

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that you belong to two separate genders. So the man is different from the wife, the husband is different from the wife.

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Number one, because he's a different person, individual, but also he is from another gender. So his way of thinking his way of reflecting his way of pondering his interests, his emotions, his nature, his temperament is diverse and different from the way of thinking of the wife, the name to the temperament, the nature of the wife, the woman.

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So when people are different, externally, internally in all way shapes a form, it is absolutely a must. And it's without a doubt that people will be harmed because people will say things because they are different from you. And this will the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying and let me know if that kind of you call it on us. When you when a believer is mixing with people because when he mixes with the people, you live with people you live in a family and when you live in a family people are different people have different natures different temperaments, different emotions. So therefore, when people are different, when different people have different

01:07:57--> 01:08:10

temperaments, temperaments and natures live together in one house, or in one factory, they're working together, spending time together, in one workplace, or in one community in one masjid, that automatically,

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someone might say something that the other one will feel offended by. Because he has a different temperament. He never, you know, maybe

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meant it in that way. So somebody might do something might say something that other will feel hurt by it. Right? The other one will feel offended by it.

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Subhan Allah, this is what the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam saying, it's an amazing unique hadith of Sunan of Alabama teletherapy Allahu Anhu. A Muslim who mixes in and lives with people. You see, if you live in a cave by yourself a life of isolation, privacy, seclusion, that this doesn't apply to you. But if we live in a family, it's a natural consequence of living with people and mixing in with people that our feelings will be hurt. Even the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and his beloved wives

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Subhanallah sent them the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam became upset from what his wives and him took him out that he will not even visit one of them for one month. Likewise, you'll see the Irish rugby Allahu Anhu the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once said to I shall be Allahu Anhu the Orisha you know, when you get upset from me, when you're happy for me and when you upset from me, I know.

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I can detect it.

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I know when you're happy with me and when you're, you know, displeased. So Aisha Radi Allahu Allah has said O Messenger of Allah, how?

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So he said, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam that you know when you're happy with me. When you take an oath, you say, well, I'll be Mohammed by the Lord of Mohammed.

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I take an oath by the load of Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, and when you're displeased when you're slightly upset from me

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Then you say Warabi Brahim by the Lord of Ibrahim

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Subhan Allah. This is a shot of the Allahu Allah. Because at the end of the day they are human beings you know if you live with someone, feelings of being hurt will take place. Actually their loved one had responded and said era surah Allah, La Juru Illa schmuck Subhanallah I said, You know what, unless we are holla you know, when I say what I'll be Rahim, even when I say verb, Abraham Ibrahim by the Lord of Ibrahim, the only thing I do is I don't I don't leave anything, I don't stop anything. I don't depart and leave anything except your name. In other words, I only avoid your name. But in my heart, there's no one else except you.

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Subhanallah so this is what the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying that when people live together, when people live together, then automatically feelings will be hurt. Now,

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when we know that, we've decided we're going to live in this world, yeah, we're gonna we're not moving away and going to some kind of cave, in isolation, privacy, we want to get married, we want to have children, we're living in a home where we live in with parents, we, where we're living, and we're dealing with a world we know that. If that's the case, we know that our feelings will be hurt, we will be harmed in some way, shape or another.

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Now, when that's the case,

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and we know everyone's different, everyone's different.

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You know, your sister is different from you, your brother is different from you. So when we all feelings will be hurt.

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We have to live with people. And it's a natural consequence of living with people that our feelings will be hurt. So we will become angry. But I can say the main cause we will be angered very easily as well. Now, all of this is interrelated living with people and feelings being hurt living in this world interacting with people. So feelings being hurt, and likewise being angered being saddened, you know, being hurt. All of these things are related, whatever relationship you are in, whether it's a relationship of kinship, whether it's a relationship of friendship, whether it's a relationship of marriage, or a relationship between parents and children, or employee, employee,

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whatever relationship you're in, all these, all these things are related because we live in these relationships. So therefore, automatically, our feelings will be hurt. And when our feelings will be hurt, we will be sad and will be anger will become angry will become distressed. Now, we only have two options in this world. In order to deal with this, we only have two options. We only we only have how many options, two options, learn Letha Lahoma. There is no other third option, there's only two options.

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Okay?

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One option is that we make a big deal out of this, we make a massive fuss.

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We say my feelings are hurt, we become angry. And we we get more involved into this.

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Right? We go more into it.

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And we say yes, I want to try to sort that person out and this and that. You know, you start arguing, you start retaliating, you start fighting back. And you you know, you start making a big massive fuss out of it. Someone said something about you. And you made a big massive facade of you retaliated, you argued back and you mouth back and you use your mouth and you talk to someone you made a libre backbiting. And then he carried on and maybe there was physical abuse, and it was striking. And there was punching and maybe injuring someone and all sorts of things. That's one option you can take.

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If you want to take that option, you know what, there'll be never ending to that option. There'll be no end. It's just going to make your life more of a misery. It's just going to prolong your problems, you will never gain and achieve peace and tranquility and harmony in your life. And neither the life of your fellow you know, family members, especially in the family, you know, why did your wife say this? And why did your husband say this and you just want to carry on and you just want to prolong it. Just want to fight back argue debate me Reba talk to this person, talk to that person, if it's your sibling, if it's your parents, your children at the workplace, whatever.

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Right? Because that's one option you can take there's only two ways. So you take one option that you just want to, you know, carry on arguing and fighting. And this will result in you know,

01:14:45--> 01:14:59

it's not going to give you any peace and tranquility. For example, someone told you that you know, oh, you know what? I heard someone talking about you. So you want to start investigating? You fall back. Okay. Oh, who talked about me who was in that gathering who was in imaginisce? Does she say this about me and why?

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She found you and then you make another phone call and you lose all control. And that's it your emotion, your rage that's only talking about the main causes rage and anger. And you before you even think you'd pick up the phone and you still you know breathing heavily in your red and your you know, your, your veins are showing us. Okay? And you call somebody come here what happened? Did you hear her talking about me? And did you say this? And how does she and listen?

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That's one option, you can take this to Oprah. And the other option is the option of the messenger SallAllahu annual said, You think to yourself,

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you know what? Life is too short.

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You think to yourself, that people, I am going to be harmed, whatever we I mean, that's the natural consequence. Let me let me exercise saba. Let me exercise patience. Subak. Right.

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You take the second way, and you think that you know what the solution is Saba patience. When someone gives me any kind of the cliff, I am harmed by anyone. If anyone hurts my feelings, it's an it's natural. I have to live with people. This life is too short. We're not going to live in this world forever. This way. Think to yourself, I'm not going to stay here forever and ever and ever. This world is a lot you know. It's just a life this life is just for a few days. I don't know when I will leave and depart this world. Why bother? Why stress over a life consisting of a few days that somebody harmed me and this and that for the sake of Allah? You know what? I'm just gonna have

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supper. I'll have patience. Yes, I am harmed a bit slightly. It's hurt me in the heart. But right now the rage that I'm undergoing in my heart and the rage that I'm feeling, and I'm really angry and I'm angered and I'm sad and I'm distressed. Yeah, then I feel like punching the person I feel like slapping I feel like striking. I feel like saying bad things about them. But you know what, for the sake of Allah, I'll just to suffer and the rewards I'll get for this in the next eternal life will be amazing. You know, my you work for sabe Runa. Jerome be radio hisab the reward that Allah will give the patient people you are for sabe Runa. Jerome be ready. He said there is no end. Have I

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never said any number be radio. Yes, if I retaliate, I might feel slightly better right now. If I punch him, If I slap her. If I strike her, I might feel slightly better if I talk about if I pick up the phone and call my friend and you know, talk for half an hour making riba backbiting and talking ill about that person, I'll feel slightly better. Just for the time being office value better.

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But remember, you this feeling slightly better right now. It's not going to end because this is a fire that you've licked. And this then fire will never never, you know.

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become cool again. It's just you just carry on this burning fire will burn because it will carry on and on and on. And it's just going to put you in more misery. And you think you know what I'll do summer.

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That's the other option summer. I remember summer is in the supplemental Gula the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Sabah is at the

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right at that exact moment. You know there was once a woman, the messenger salAllahu alayhi wa sallam was passing by a graveyard a woman was you know, being extremely remorseful and losing control over someone who had passed away her son or someone to the Messenger of Allah. And he was sent him said, you know, sister, you should have supper. For she she didn't know it was a messenger of Allah. So she came back and she said, How do you know what I'm undergoing? You know, you don't know my situation. And I'm in a distressful situation. I'm grieving right now. Messages that Allah just walked away. Remember, don't you know when someone's in that situation? The lesson is that

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don't, don't rub in in that way. He just left her. She knew he wasn't. She was this woman was in a state so he just left her. And the messenger Salallahu Alaihe Salam went to a home. After a while somebody came to that woman and said, You know what, that person who was speaking to you was the messenger of Allah. Suddenly she felt extremely remorseful and regretful all the villa. I spoke like that to the Messenger of Allah. So she went to the messenger SallAllahu Ellison's house and said, Jarocin Allah, please forgive me. I didn't know it was you. You said to me that have saba. And I became like, I spoke to me too, and I'm just respectful manner for the messenger sallallahu alayhi

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wa sallam said, a sub rule and US

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southern the real summer that Allah wants from you, the patients that Allah wants from, you know, patients that Allah promises to reward you upon. Is the sub of that is instant. Not now, at that time when you are grieving that time. You felt rage, that time that's the soul of Allah, Allah subhanaw taala wants from his brothers and sisters. Not that you know

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At that time you became angry like you're having a fight and Corning you punch the person and you you slapped him and you gave him a black eye and a bruised eye and a green eye and a purple eye, and whatever and you sent him to the hospital. And then after about five hours, he said, Brother, you know, sorry, I'm doing something right now, you know, that's not sub A sub A sub rule, and a solid metal Gula. The messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is saying to us sub rule. The sub are the patients that Allahu subhanho wa Taala accepts from us, the one that Allah wants from us, and the sub upon which Allah says in Jnana yoga for sabe Runa Agera, whom be ready, he said that the

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reward for those who exercise Saba is without any end that server which Allah promises us to give Jana upon, right, while I'm in Sabah will refer or in a radical I mean, as even more soccer is this great, amazing quality summer brothers seriously. Summer is an amazing attribute. It's an amazing quality. It takes us to Jana, it takes us to Paradise, but the summer that Allah wants from us and the summer and the patients that Allah has promised as Jana is that patience, it's that

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quality and attribute of patience, that we exercise at that exact instant time and the fundamental OODA soveral and the sadhana DeLuna. Not when everything's over when you've cooled down with you and you've confirmed you're in your control. Now, you've had a cup of water, and then you have server that's that's not the server Allah wants from us. So this is this is what we want solution, we get angered we our feelings are hurt. Right? People harmless and that's absolutely natural. That's normal, because we live in this world seriously because we live in this world. But the solution is suffer. Because there's only two solutions. As I said to you, only two solutions. One solution is

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that we want to retaliate. We want to prolong it, we want to carry on fighting. Remember, we can only always have it our way. So if we don't do Saba, if we don't exercise patience, and there will be friction, there'll be disputes, there'll be problems. There'll be quarrels, in every relationship.

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But we need to do something. Now you know the easy way to do something. So anyway, you've understood this mesh the two options that we have the Hadith in light of which I am discussing this point cause number six our family disputes, anger and rage. The solution is Sabha. The Hadith of the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taught us that look, because we live with people. It's natural. That because we are all different people with Caribbean created differently, physically, mentally, psychologically, our temperaments our natures are diverse and are different. Hence, feelings will be hurt. And therefore, it's natural that we become angered and will have rage within ourselves.

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Solution there's only two ways one is to quarrel fight back, retaliate, punch, argue debate, carry on episode after episode until you die, just keep on fighting, no peace, no tranquility, nothing in your life. Other option is you know what life is too short for the sake of Allah Sabha patients. Remember, I always mentioned this, even when we do sub,

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don't do it in a sarcastic manner. That's another problem. Because silence and Sobor in a sarcastic manner, is also a form of retaliation. So you think to yourself, not in a sarcastic manner, just for the sake of Allah I don't want to prolong this you know, you just completely just exercise summer for the sake of Allah. And think and imagine of the rewards now, in terms of southern

01:23:54--> 01:24:14

somebody might say it's difficult to exercise our, our beloved messenger of allah sallallahu Taala alayhi wa ala alihi wa sahbihi was a learner has actually prescribed us even the method Subhanallah even the method of exercising summer. He even taught us

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how to love he even taught us the method of summer. How do you bring about summer How do you exercise summer and patience? How do you bring it in your life? How do you control your rage and anger? How do you control yourself from retaliation? Before I do that, I'm not trying to say that in every case scenario, whatever, you know, you just lay back somebody's punching you just give Okay, punch me punch me punch me, punch me hit me strike me kill me. You know, that's it. I'm not trying to say that. That's not in our religion.

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Turn the other cheek was in Christianity. Okay. That's not what I'm saying.

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But if people are verbally abusing you or saying things you can try to, you know, try to stop that. Prevent that like in a nice way. Look, you do sub that if it's happening you

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total authority look this is happening. Can you please avoid you know, try to

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stop this prevent this. If someone's hitting you striking you, you're not going to just keep on keep on hitting and punching. Yeah, and that's it and I'm just gonna die. No problem. So, I'm not saying that okay, we are all intelligent people and we all realize what we need what I'm talking about, we understand what I'm talking about. So within specially the family when someone said something, someone hurt your feelings, in from one ear out of the other. Yeah. Really, someone praised you in from one ear out of the other ear. Someone's had some embarrassed about you, somebody you know said something evil about you in from one ear out of the other ear. Like one of my friends said, Forget

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in from one ear and out of the other ear, in from one ear and out from the same ear. You know, just don't let it come to your brain. Just Just Just forget about it. It's life is too short. Life is too short. If you get busy seriously, brothers and sisters, if we busy ourselves, engage ourselves in writing and reading and studying and doing some community work, then you know what? We won't have time for all these soap opera episodes. You know, we won't have time to work for the soap operas because that's what they are family problems are soap operas, nothing else. It's a different episode every day. She said this and he said tight and what she's saying listen, she wasn't until you hear

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that. And then then when there's a marriage, whether it's a you know, situation, relatives are coming from abroad, and then did you cook and you didn't cook and she cooked to last and she didn't call me and she called me. And he said this and she said that and just talking bad and ill about people just continues candidates on and on and on. And it's just soap operas, nothing else. So anyway,

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I said Saba, now the messenger of allah sallallahu alayhi, WA sallahu Alayhi. Sidi Rasulullah sallallahu. It was an amazing messenger Allah, Allah has given us His even tortoise, how to exercise sovereign patience. There's a hadith in the summary of non Muslim he said, layer RUCO minute minute insalata minha holo con Ravi Amin, ha ha. A believer should not dislike another believer. Because if you are dis if you dislike and you're displeased with one, something else, another quality of this. So the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is telling us that people, you know what, if you want to access our I'll tell you an easy way. An easy way is always try to think of the positives of the

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other paths. If your sister hurt you. She said something, then think, okay, she has hurt me right now. She said something. She swore at me or she slandered me, or she hurt my feelings. But yesterday, she even bought me something from the shop. She woke me up and she gave me some food. She helped me out. She did this. She did that she did this. She did that. If you're a husband and you talk, you think about your wife, that your wife talks back and back at you and she's uses our tongue too much and she's always hurting your feelings. And she's always doing this and she's always doing that.

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Think of the positive she also cooks for me. She always she also you know, does this for me. She always does that for me. Subhanallah that's the way to have Sabah. And this actually happened Salawat Allahu wa salam, o le A man came to the messenger of allah sallallahu Sallam with a list of complaints said Ya rasool Allah or messenger of Allah. My wife's like this, she's like that she's like this she when she is she shouts she she she the way she uses that tongue she disrespects me. She swears at me. She says later she says that messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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heard her him and then he said Malecon DeVos straight away without saying anything you said divorce. So the man was taken aback with divorce are you thinking wow, I mean divorce and I mean, I have spent my life without her. He said Yara Salah Messenger of Allah, but she also, you know, she does this for me and he does this good thing for me like you're telling me to? And I came for some advice, but you told me like completely divorce her. It's not that she's that bad. She's, she also does this for me. She does that for me. You know why the messenger sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said that straightaway, you know Lika just divorce her so that he understands and he thinks for a moment

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he's taken aback so that he gets a shock and he realizes that yes, she has 10 bad qualities. But she has another five good qualities as well. And he made him think he actually said it himself a messenger of Allah you know, yeah, you know, my wife, she. He tells me to get rid of her but she's also good at some things. So he said,

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I'm sicker than the cheaper

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you know, don't complain don't when summer if you like you know you weigh the good colleges and the bad qualities every one you will never get a wife or a woman who is 100% Good. You will never get a husband who is 100% full of good qualities. You had we you will find nobody in this world who has only positives and no negatives. Every one of us. We have positives and negatives. We are all different.