The 21st Century Orphan

Hello al hamdu Lillah wa Salatu was Salam ala rasulillah, or praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala, the king, the master, the Sustainer, the creator of the seven heavens in the earth, and we send peace and blessings upon His Beloved Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, in my brothers and sisters, there isn't a place that I go, or that I traveled to, except that I'll get some mother and some father that come up to me with a broken heart, and worrying concerning their eyes. And they always advise me that please, Brother, you know, can you speak about? You know, can you speak about children and speak about the rights of the parents, you know, speak about the youth and how our loot

you know, and how our youth are lost, and, you know, our youth are going astray. And I get this so much, so much. And I can see the frustration in the eyes of mothers and fathers. But you know, my brothers and sisters tonight, I want to be really honest with you, and I want to open up my heart and speak about something that's quite the opposite. Because if you were to ask me, yes, while we have a lot of problems facing our young ones, I feel that there's a bigger problems with the mothers and the fathers.

Because I believe that our youth are a reflection of what's happening at home. Yes, our children have problems, but nowhere near as big as the problems that you and I are having, as mothers and fathers, you and I play a massive role in the life of children.

So it's very easy to point the finger at the youth and say, Look, to use the last and that the youth are confused, and that the youth don't know where to go and what to do. But that's only because you and I are lost. And you and I are confused. And you and I don't know what to do. And if I'm a mother and a father, and this is how I am at home, then what is it that she expect from our children? What is it? You know, they used to be a time

when an orphan was someone that didn't have a mother or a father, and often didn't have a mother or a father. But today, we're faced with the 21st century, often, someone that has a mother and has a father, but he might as well not as well have them.

If I can count to the amount of people that I come across young boys and girls that have mothers and have fathers, but they're just not involved in their lives. And the heartbreak that I see in their eyes when it comes to their families.

Yeah. And then when I meet their parents, their parents have the audacity to come to me and tell me, you know, you should speak to my children, and tell my children about the rights of the mother and the rights of the Father, and how that they should be treating us. You know, my brothers and sisters when you and I decided to get married, when you and I decided to have a family, when you and I decided to have children, you and I embarked on a massive journey, probably the biggest journey you'll ever do in your life. And it is our responsibility to be involved in the lives of our kids.

Because that's our role. That's our job.

And we're lucky it absolutely kills me It breaks my heart when I see mothers and fathers that are not interested. No any. You know, if I tell you how many young boys I see and I talked to and the young boy will look me dead in the eye and he told me you know what I despise my father, I hate my dad.

And I tell him why How come? It's just me brother. There's no relationship, no relationship with my father whatsoever.

I come home from school, he's not there. When I need him after school, he's not there. He's always out with his mates or he's busy at work.

You know, one guy when I was actually having a chat with him.

He had a lot of problems with his father. I said to men talk to me How come you know how come this problem is with your father? He says to me from the core of my heart, I actually hate my dad.

Why do you hate him for you guys, because he's never around. My father has never once in my life had a conversation with me ever. In fact, the only time I ever hear my father speaking to me, is when I've done something wrong.

When I've done something wrong, that's the only time I hear his voice. And when he does speak to me, it's put downs, you're a loser, you're not gonna be anything in your life. You're this, that and the other. So he says to me, I get out of my way

to prove to him that I am what he claims I am.

He says I will do anything. I'm prepared to do anything. Just to get him going just to get him revved up just to get him angry.

is the condition. Why?

Why? People always complaining, you know, our kids, our kids, our kids, my brothers and sisters, we need to be involved with our children. Well, I you know, it's very easy to point the fingers and say look at 1234. But if we're not prepared to point the fingers at ourselves, and blame ourselves, where are you as a mother? Where are you as a father? Where Where are you? What is it? That's busy dude. What is it that you're so occupied with?

You know, I heard a story from one of the machines in South Africa is a true story. And the chef was saying he's saying, you know, one day a father came home from work and he's been working, you know, for long hours. Say comes home. He's busy.

He's stressed out his business, he comes back home. He's doing his paperwork. He's crunching numbers. So his son who's been looking forward to seeing his father all day, he comes over to his father and he's excited. You know, he's that's finally home. So he comes up to his father, and he wants to, you know, he wants to communicate with him. He wants to tell him about his day, and how school was, and his father wasn't interested whatsoever. So when he came close, the father turns around and says, What are you doing here? Can't you see I'm busy? Can't you see I've got things to do? Go inside to your room. Where's the iPad that I gave you?

So this kid goes away, shattered, absolutely heartbroken. Then he comes back after a little while, and he asks his father for some money system that they're not gonna have some money says What do you want money for? They want to give you money just the other day did not give you money the other day? system? How much do you want? Is this what I want? $10 less than 10 bucks. And this kid must have been about six, seven years of age.

System $10. You know, what are you gonna do with the money and there's a you know, there's an argument going back and forth.

Anyway, eventually, he gives him the money and then the kid goes back to his room. Now, after some time,

the father comes down, the mother comes in system, look, you know, your son wanted to talk to you this, that and the other than the father after a little while, he gets up. He goes to the room. He goes to his son, his son was laying there on the bed, you know, upset weeping. It says to my son, you know, look, I'm sorry. It's just that I'm really stressed out. And, you know, I've been really busy with work. And he says to me, Look, what did you need the money for?

So the kid lifts up his pillow. And he shows his father that he's been saving up the money. He says, My father told me something. How much money do you earn an hour?

How much do you earn an hour? system? What do you want to know for this system? Because I've been saving up the money that you give me on a weekly basis. Because I want to buy an hour of your time. I want to buy an hour of your time. That's uninterrupted an hour that you're not on the phone. You're not busy looking at emails, you're not busy looking at WhatsApp, you're not busy looking at this, that and the other. I want an hour of your time. Well, it my brothers and my sisters, I asked you sincerely honestly, when was the last time you ever had a proper conversation with your child?

When was the last time you ever sat down and asked your child about their interests, about what they like and what they dislike? when,

you know, Somebody once told me, he said, When was the last time you actually played with your children?

And he said to our main players in kickball, and he said, Well, I mean, sit down and do what they want you to do interact with them.

Truth is never,

never. You know, a kid grows up worshiping his parents.

You know, for kids, you know what, like, if you gave your child 24 hours of the day, he won't say no.

But what happens is, is we're busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, and we never ever have time. And even when we're there, and I'm speaking about myself, these are the mistakes that even I make. My wife points out to me all the time. She says to me, Mama, get off your phone, get off your phone, your kid is talking to you. Your kid is trying to ask you a question. Your kid is trying to engage you and guess where I am? I'm busy. I'm busy. So even when I'm at home, I'm actually not there. Busy on my phone. What do you think this does to a child? You know, we're lucky you could be the greatest parent on Earth, you can be the greatest Paramount Earth, ticking all the boxes. Parenting is the

greatest job you'll ever do.

Imagine when their shortcomings. Imagine imagine when you and I are not there. And what's worse than that will lie. I've seen many of us, many of us and let's be real. Please, my brothers and sisters, we have to start being real with each other.

Many of us we live in one. Many of us, we live under one roof. But guess what we're living very, very separate lives man.

The husband is in one world, the wife is in another and the children are just in another world war together.

And then we wonder why children are disobedient. There's no there's no unity at home. There's no harmony at home.

You want peace, you want happiness. It takes hard work. You have to strive you have to work for the profit of alliances. The best of you are those who are best to their families. And I'm the best of my family. The Prophet of Allah, the One who was truly the busiest man on earth. You know, when I find that interesting, you and I we open up a little business, a little business that probably occupies what 1015 you know, 1015 hours of your day. And that's enough, that will be enough. Right to justify my bad relationship with the measure bad relationship with my prayer with my Korean with my wife, with my families with my children with my because of a little business. Imagine the Prophet

of Allah. Imagine the man who was truly the busiest man on earth. The men that had to run the affairs of the home.

The man that was you know, the one that Salallahu alaihe salam You know, this is the man that was

You know, receiving revelation, dealing with the people giving dour, right, walking along the streets sorting out, problems left, right and center. This person is getting married, this person is getting divorced in a conflict of E conflict over there. This was a man 24 hours around the clock. And yet he still had time for his wives. He still had time for the kids, he still had time for every single aspect. And that's our life. And I know some of you now are listening thinking, Man, that sounds like a lot of work. Yeah, well, hello. It's called Parenthood.

You know, a lot of my brothers, we all want our children to be the best. Trust me, your child will be exactly as you are.

Look at yourself in the mirror and look at your lifestyle, what you see is a very good indication of what your child is going to be. So ask yourself, where are your priorities man?

Well, let's see where are our priorities.

Our children more than ever, more than ever, especially in the Western world. They need us so much. They need our attention. They need our affection. They need our love. They need our understanding. They need us so much. And where are we? Where are we I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. I'm busy. busy with work.

Well, I busy we thought the greatest investment you will ever have your children, your family, your wife.

Yeah, I give my hard work. I give the cream of my hours, I give the cream of my time and my money to a to anything and everything other than that, which is truly, really important as

well, like my brothers, we need to wake up, we need to wake up and we need to recalibrate our compass. Because the direction that we're heading in, not only are we losing ourselves, not only are we losing our children, but when destroying the home at large.

Our kids need us what lay our children need us so much. 21st century orphan 21st century orphan someone that has a mother and has a father, but they're not then they're not there. Another kid will lie another kid

that I spoke to once, and this kid came from a beautiful home. Father works very hard, built them a beautiful home, had a brand new car, everything that you and I are striving for to provide for our children, everything. And yet the relationship between between this young boy and his father. Well, well, it was like it was it was like two enemies at home, you know? And then when I asked him, I said to him, why? Why the hatred? Why the hatred?

You know, your father works so hard. He's provided you with everything. Why? He said my brother, I don't want the house.

What good is the house? What good is the car? What good is the money in the brand new shoes? He said, I don't want this. He said no, I want a father. That's what I want. I want a father. I want someone that I can talk to I want someone that I can hang out with. I want someone that I can share my interests with. I want someone that's eager to come home and talk to me just as I am eager to come home and talk to him. But it's never there. He's always busy. He's always busy. And then he tells me what I'm doing all this for you.

And I'm telling him that I don't want the house stop working the overtime, because I'm not interested. I actually want you I want your time.

I want your time. I need you. I need your effort. I need you to be involved in my life now.

Where are we? What is it? That's busying us? What is it?

Well, I know a father's father's in the area, man. Let's be real. Let's stop beating around the bush. I know brothers brothers. You know, he's 3540. He's got three four kids.

And he's hanging out with his mates and it's not Haram. So don't shoot me now. Oh my God. He's saying it's haram to have fun and hang out. No, no, no. But he hangs out with his mates, every single library every single night.

I see brothers. You know, I see brothers. And again, it's the haraam. I'm not saying, you know, but I see brothers hanging out at cafes and restaurants and I don't mean like a one off. We all do it. You know, everyone goes to dinner, and that's fine. But I see brothers hanging out at cafes every single day, and they're married. And I think brother dude, like you don't have a life. You don't have children to go attend to. You don't have a wife.

You know?

You don't have anything better to do. What are we doing bro? Hanging out with the boys. fathers were like fathers that are 3540 years old. He's got children our own

children at home and he's hanging out with the boys smoking pot.

Playing cards.

Playing PlayStation like abraca and playing PlayStation and again you know a lot you know like it was a one off. You know I'm catching up with friends. Fine bro. We all need a will human beings but every night religiously, religiously.

Two to three o'clock in the morning.

And then the brothers got the nurse to come to me, brother, you know, you know, we need to work on the children, you know, we need to work on our youth, our youth the last, are they really?

What do you expect? Well, my, our children are a reflection of us there are a mirror image.

You know, we send our kids to amazing private Islamic schools, and that's fine. You know, we send them there, and I'm sure you got great intentions, you know, and we invest big money and big effort. And, you know, it's the best school in the country and Islamic schools, you know, because I want the school to teach my child been. You're kidding yourself.

The Deen that your child will learn is the deen that you're living.

And I've seen that how many times parents will throw their children in court and memorization schools? Yeah, and the kid memorizes the Quran but guess what? No Quran in his life whatsoever. You know why? Because your child. You know, sometimes we underestimate just how weedy and how smart our children are, you know, your child's not a fool. He sees what you throw me in Korean school while you're indulging in work and Indonesia and in lifestyle and in this, that and the other. Right? And really most of us and I know I'm generalizing. Most of us we throw our kids in Korean school. Not because deep down I love the Quran and I want the Quran because you yourself would be joining him.

No, no, no, no, I throw my kids in these you know, memorization schools generally, right? So that I can boast in front of my friends that Yeah, look, you know, I may not be the most religious guy, but hey, look at my son Mashallah. Big round of applause for my son. He's a half a Wu Mashallah, Mashallah. My sons are happy. But then you how much current Do you know? How much Quran Have you memorize? But you think your kid doesn't see this? Do you think he kid doesn't see this?

What is it? You know, our young girls, our daughters? You know how much our daughters are? Well, I you know, I speak to brothers. hamdulillah You know, my daughter has a good relationship with her mom. So yeah, that's good. But what about with you, brother? Does she have a good relationship with you?

I must brothers, you know, that gives me the stare, you know, like a deer in headlights.

But what about you? What about your relationship with your daughter? What is the last time you showed your daughter affection? When was the last time you showed her love? When was the last time you actually sat down and had a decent conversation with her? When was the last time you sat down? And he reassured Eudora when? When was it? The wife, the wife, the wife, the wife? Have you been? How much can your wife possibly handle? How much?

Well, I you know, we

like it's so sad. We're like, it's so so so sad.

We're messed up, man. We're messed up. Well, I our priorities are all over the place, man. And then when you know, and then when things go south.

We start pointing the fingers at anyone and everyone blaming anyone and everyone except to

accept me.

Accept me.

Except me.

My kids, this is my life. This is my true investment. These are the ones who you know.

But you will only get out that what you put in 21st century orphan

21st century orphan widows. widows, the 21st century widow. You know, the 21st century widow is? Yeah, she's married. Yeah, she has a man who's supposed to be your husband. Yeah, but she might as well you know, he might as well be dead in one lie. He actually some women would actually be better off if their husbands were actually dead. tied down.

The 21st century widow. Why?

Why?

we're so busy, bro. we're so busy. We're occupied,

consumed with all the wrong things. My family, that's the family by the families the call. The family is the core of the civilization. It's the core of the community, your family. How are things at home, is their love is their hobbies, their unity is their understanding.

busy. In fact, many of us we come home and we can't wait to run away. I can't wait to get out of there. Look, I'm not saying it's easy to lie. It's not easy. Being a father and a wife and a husband and all of it online. It's not easy, but we have to at least try man. We have to at least try we're like if we really care if we really care. You know, you know I get people I get people who come up to me and told me you know, my husband doesn't show my children affection.

You know sometimes sometimes, you know

Be out with my kids and,

and I'll hug my child and I kiss my child and people look at me strange, you know.

And when life's highlight, you know, there's actually a Hadith of the Prophet of Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, you know, when he was kissing his grandson, he was kissing his grandson, you know, Hassan Hussein, he was kissing one of them. So when Eric came to him, you know, and he says to our Prophet of Allah, you kiss your children.

Smith, of course I do. The system by ally have 10 kids. I have 10 kids. I've never kissed any of them once. One of the prophets of Allah say to him, he says someone, what can I do? What can I do? What can I say? If Allah has snatched mercy from your heart?

Lights, amazing, you know, amazing, your wife,

the one that's most deserving of your affection and your love, and your jokes and your comments.

You know, I see brothers.

You know, because I'm a tradie. Right? So I'm a trades person. So I see brothers, you know, out there and work. You know, when a customer calls him and it's a female, Marco agbar.

The other and the lack and the smiles. Hi, Joanne. How you doing? Great. lovely to be here. That's fine. You don't worry about it. Amazing. I think, Wow, this guy, man, his wife. His wife must be must be in cloud nine. Yeah. And then as soon as he gets up, you know, as soon as he gets off the phone, and then his wife calls. You see the change of look on his face. You see the hubbub? You see the misery in his eyes. Yeah. What do you want? Yeah, what do you want? The aggression? You know? It's no longer speaking. It's almost like barking you know, roof. Whoa, whoa, whoa, what happened at the wife?

So Joanne, right Joanne gets your mesh alive. She gets your love and your Hackman, your wisdom menu. But the one that's more deserving of it. What does she get? What does she get? She gets nothing, you know? Nothing.

And then we worry. And then we complain and we argue.

priorities. My brothers were my priorities. My brothers and my sisters. You know, stop blaming the youth stop complaining about the children, because we're lying if we better ourselves, if we start fixing ourselves, if we start getting involved, if we start paying attention and listening and helping one another and you'll see a great change in our children.

We asked our last panel with Allah to bless our kids and to bless us. So panicle lahoma behind the shadow and a lot of stuff to cover today.