How To Create Strong Bond With Your Children

Muhammad Alshareef

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Channel: Muhammad Alshareef

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AI: Summary © The speaker discusses how parents can use words like "has" and "has a" to describe children who are praised for their intelligence or ability to work hard. They suggest that children who are praised for their ability to work hard and their ability to judge success and believe in themselves are more worthy of love and respect than children who are struggling with certain capabilities. The speaker also suggests that parents should check in on what words are being used when speaking to children.
AI: Transcript ©
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There's an email of the how I can't remember which which email, um, it was, you know, like the His name is slipping my mind. But I remember hearing a story about how he was such a troublesome child like, you know, it was always getting in trouble and everything. And every time he would do something wrong, his mom would make it like we always try to make you the meme of the Haram right until somehow he reached the point of becoming that right. So. So, you know, there was always a positive perception, you know, and my mother in law once you know, once said something where a child always need somebody who will unconditionally view them as as, as good, right, as you know, with

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with positive expectations with Hussman been, right, like this concept is sonically of giving people the benefit of the doubt, who's more deserving of benefit of the doubt and husband than than our own children. Right. And so, even when they are struggling with something, to check ourselves, like you said, as parents to ask yourself, Okay, how much of this is, you know, am I having unrealistic expectations of their capability at the moment because capability and capacity is different than an overall quality? Right. And so, you know, that's, that's why, you know, we don't we don't, there's another research study that talks about when we praise our children, if we praise them in a court,

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like by saying, Oh, you're so smart.

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Versus if we praise them for their effort in working hard, the result is really different. So children who are praised as being smart, will not feel comfortable, trying harder, like trying to challenge themselves, because they're afraid, they're going to no longer hold on to that quality if they fail. But children who are praised for working hard, which is something within their control, intelligence is not fully something within our control. But children who are praised for working hard, they then will challenge themselves and keep going and keep and keep trying. So one of the things you know, checking, checking, what are the words that I'm using when I'm speaking to my

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children? Right? Am I using terminology that is demeaning? Or am I using terminology that's going to make them feel better about themselves, the way that we speak to our children becomes their inner dialogue, like their self talk. So if we tell, you know, if we tell our child, we make a diet like this mom of this Imam, and we say, you know, my eldest has how to make you, you know, the man with a hot arm or make you from amongst his righteous worshipers or, you know, give you the best and give you goodness, right? If we make these dots for them. In these moments of frustration, that's such an amazing intervention, if we could, if we could do that with our children, and it makes them It helps

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them to acknowledge that even when I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do, or even when I'm failing at something, even when I'm struggling at something, I'm still worthy of love, and I'm still viewed in a positive light overall. Right? So I think checking in on what words are we using when we're talking, you know, talking to our children when especially